Love Struck Delusion
Chapter 94 – Why am I alive?
Raptor's POV, the next day.
"Ughhhh...?" Opening my eyes to see I was surrounded by darkness, I gently moved my head around to my other side to see my watch resting on my nightstand. It was nearing 9 o'clock at night. I could tell from the sky outside my window being dark and cloudy. With little energy in my system, I flipped over to see I was alone. Where had Hunter gone? I wondered as I brought my hand up to reach for my head.
Feeling a deep scar, I let out a breath and went back to immediately resting back on my pillow.
My mind was wandering. Then suddenly I remembered that face. Gorgon...? Death? I wanted to trust that I was insane. But after what he showed it can't be helped. But can a person like him really be real? A demon? I real demon. Wondering the answer to the question, I remembered my chest. Quickly rolling up the blanket I was in, I took my hand down to my chest to feel something. It felt like an engraving. Looking down with my own eyes I saw what could only be describe as a pentagram of some sorts. It was just an octagon with some small curved slashes around it. Couldn't be any bigger then the size of my pinkie. But it was there. It was proof. My fury barely even covered it.
With my hand holding my chest, I tossed my legs to the side of the bed to try and stand. To my surprise it was easy. The pain was in my head however. Felt like a bitch of a headache.
Walking over to my bathroom, I step inside to turn on the light. My eyes needed to adjust but in seconds I stared into my own eyes to see my scar. The bullet clearly dragged off my skull when I was shot. I should have been dead though regardless.
"Ughh...fuck." I mumbled as I walked back over to my bed.
Looking around I soon found a clean shirt and some pants. After which I walked towards my dresser to see my side holster laying on it's top. Gently getting it around my belt line, I clipped it into place and proceeded to walk to the door. The second I opened my door I was confronted by one of the guards who instantly panicked at the sight of me out of bed.
"Commander!?" He shouted in confusion as I nodded my head once to reply.
"I'm okay. Where is everyone?"
Clearly happy, he replied with a smile.
The doctor went back to his lab not that long ago. As for Hunter, she was needed out in the city to help the Lieutenant.
"And Archer?" I asked as he calmly replied back.
"Should be in your office."
Nodding my head, I pushed off to my office. The guard began to follow after as I rounded the corner to be spotted by the men guarding my office. With smiles as I approached one asked.
"How are you feeling Commander?"
Keeping pace as I turned between them to enter, I saw Archer instantly jump up out of his seat as I replied.
"I'm okay. Just need a little time to collect myself."
"Raptor?" Questioned Archer as I now just stood there as he approached.
He was shocked I was even up it seemed. But with a hug he squeezed me and asked.
"What are you doing out of bed? Marx said you shouldn't even be up walking at the rate you were going."
Pulling off each other I replied.
"Marx says a lot of things. Fuck if I ever listen."
Chuckling Archer hugged me one more time to state.
"We thought you were dead."
"I wish I was." I replied as he now lowered his head in sadness to my dark response.
Walking behind him, I looked to my desk to wonder.
"What's the situation?"
Utterly lost for words Archer questioned.
"You really think that's at all important right now? You need to rest. Recover. You just went through...?!" Cutting him off I yelled.
"I know what I just went through!"
Archer and the men went silent as I was now growing impatient. Taking a breath I said in a much calmer tone.
"Does G.U.N think I am dead?"
Archer who was now concerned replied.
"Yeah but...!"
"But nothing!" I replied in anger as I slammed my fist onto my desk.
Archer jumped slightly as I then said.
"They will come. They will try to take this city back. I can't let that happen."
"Your in no condition to do that Raptor." Archer replied back as he approached slowly to the other side of my desk.
"Then what? What do I do?"
Leaning in slightly Archer replied.
"You need to take a moment to relax. Everything is under control. Linnen hasn't been spotted at all since we got you back here. Even Black thinks he won't attack right now. Even knowing your dead."
"Why?" I questioned.
"Cause he wants to avoid senseless slaughter. We believe he will come to us with a proposal for our surrender before doing anything more to the city."
Thoughts ran through my head as Archer went on to say.
"The city is secured. The borders are tightened. The troops are getting trained. And the morale is at an all time high now that you are with us Raptor. We aren't giving up on this dream. Not like Linnen thinks we will."
"I need to get to Pakistan." I stated as Archer widened his eyes.
"You aren't going anywhere."
Looking up at him after that response, I listened as he said with a stern voice.
"Pakistan isn't a doable thing right now Raptor. I know you want revenge for what he did to you. I can't blame you for being this way. But right now if you go there you will not come back. And for what? For Gorgon?"
I kept silent as he placed his hand on my shoulder to look me right in the eyes.
"I promise Gorgon will be dealt with. I promise Raptor. But you can't leave us."
With my voice tucked away I shook him off me to head for the door.
"Raptor? Where are you going?" Asked Archer as I ignored him and just made my way down the stairs leading to the main entrance. Archer followed in fear I was going to do something rash. Looking around as I got outside, I soon noticed everyone taking a gander at me. The yards were silent as I looked for him.
Making my way to the training ground around back, I soon spotted Black with his men training up some young kids on how to handle a knife. As I neared with Archer still on my heels Black soon noticed as widened his eyes.
"Commander?"
Everyone who already didn't know immediately went silent and looked my way.
Black knew something was up and ordered the men to fall out. It wasn't much of an order since everyone was clearly more focused on me being out here in the first place.
Stopping in front of the men I ordered.
"Dismissed!" The men around now obeyed and made their way off the yard as I was soon left with Black, Archer, and his men Tap and Gabe.
"Why are you out here?" Asked Black as Archer chimed in to add.
"What are you doing Raptor?"
Looking right at Black I replied.
"I need to get to Pakistan. I need to get to Gorgon. How can I do that?"
Immediately Black was stumped as Archer replied.
"Your not going anywhere near Pakistan. Raptor listen." He begged as I said with a calm tone back to Black.
"You know the city. You know the man. You know how I can get to him right now. I know you do."
"Gorgon might not even be there Raptor. Linnen by all means could have sent him back home to the States." Stated Black as I then asked.
"Then how do I get there? Where will he be?"
Instantly Archer grabbed onto my arm to shout in a panic.
"Your not thinking clearly right now Raptor!"
"I'm thinking pretty clearly right now Archer!"
"No you're not!" He yelled back as I shook him off my arm.
With Black silent I asked again.
"How do I get to him Black?"
Slowly looking to Archer then back to me he replied in a lost tone.
"I...I don't know."
Letting out a small growl, I turned to head back to the main courtyard. This time no one followed as I went back inside the building.
Black's POV.
Archer was struggling to react as Raptor now charged back into the capital. Hitting his chest with my backhand I asked.
"When did he wake up?"
"Just now I guess. He came to me first."
"And?" I then wondered as he quickly replied.
"And that. He's not in a safe state of mind. You heard what he said. He wants to go right down there to Pakistan and kill Gorgon."
"You can't blame him." Stated Tap as we looked to him to lower our heads slightly.
"You think he'll go?" Asked Gabe as the possibility seemed possible in that mindset he has himself in.
"He'll just get killed." I replied as Archer now said in a firm voice.
"He's not leaving this base. He knows what is at stake right now. We need to find a way to talk him down right now. I know him enough to know he will lose control."
"Hunter you think?" I wondered as Archer nodded his head.
"I'll hail her and Char. If anyone has a shot at calming him down it's her."
"And if she can't?" Questioned Tap as Archer now looked at me to wonder.
"Black?" Nodding I then said in a nervous voice.
"I'll keep my eye on him. But inform the others. We can't keep this between us. At least let the patrols know. That way even if he does leave he won't manage to get far."
Archer agreed and then ordered.
"Go tell Marx he's awake. I know he wanted to be there when he did."
Quickly collecting myself I replied.
"I got it. Tap and Gabe? You two keep watch out here. Let's not give it a chance of even happening."
"Gotcha." Replied Tap as him and Gabe made their way back to the main yard.
Slowly Archer looked back into my eyes to say in a whisper.
"He needs to know we care. Now more then ever. If you get the chance after Marx has his way, try to talk with him. Convince him we can still get Gorgon."
"He might not wana hear anything about it to be honest. By now Gorgon might not even be in the middle east."
"He'll come back when we put Linnen in a pinch. Make sure he knows that." Urged Archer as I once again nodded.
"I'll do my best. Just get Hunter back here."
Archer quickly went for his comm as I made my way for Marx in the med labs.
"Once there I found him in his office to say."
"You awake?"
Chuckling Marx got out of his seat to reply.
"I'm okay Black. What's up?"
Sighing I replied.
"We got an issue."
Marx widened his eyes as I now had his attention.
Raptor's POV.
With my door shut, I paced back and forth from door to bed. Right now I wanted nothing more then to hurt someone. And coming to a stop in front of my door, I stared straight to slam my head into the wood base. Cracking the board I hit with full force, I let out another growl and soon tossed myself onto my bed.
"What do I do?" I asked myself as I gently placed my palms on top of my face to breathe.
As of right now I am dead to the world. Linnen thinks I am dead and Gorgon and his men are ether gone like Black thinks, or they are on standby. Probably when war comes after the rebellion refuses the contract for surrender. If that even happen at all and Linnen just doesn't take the city back by force thinking the rebellion is weak now.
Regardless of anything else I didn't know how to feel about the rebellion at all now in the first place. After what I saw. Was I really that fucking dumb? Why?
"WHY!" I yelled as I shoot up to again begin pacing.
"Knock! Knock!"
Stopping to the sound of the door as it opened. I stared hard as Marx peeked in to widen his eyes.
"Raptor?" He said carefully as I asked in anger.
"What?"
Slowly shutting the door behind him he asked carefully.
"How are you feeling? I...I didn't expect you to be moving around just yet. Especially...?" His voice cut off as he took careful notice to how fast I was walking around the room.
"Are you in pain at all? Anything troubling you...?" Stopping instantly I relocked eyes with the man. Marx at the same time stopped talking and grew nervous in his posture as I stayed silent. Just watching him now.
"Ummm...I just need to run a few tests. If that's okay. I need to...ahhhh."
Marx couldn't find the words. He was so startled by the look I had in my eyes. Truth be told I wanted to hurt someone. And it would be easy.
Knowing I wasn't in any mood for tests he tried to protect himself by getting back to the door at which he came through slowly. Once there he reached for the knob and said to me.
"I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry for...ummm...I'm sorry."
Quickly leaving the room and shutting the door behind him, I began to relax. Any more time and I might have hurt him. Right now I was not in any sort of mood to be around anyone. I needed to think. I had to understand.
"So?" Instantly swinging my back I caught him on my bed. The air grew cold as he just smiled and asked.
"What are you feeling?" I have a pretty good idea after that.
I knew I was awake this time. I knew this was real. But keeping silent I approach to reach out my hand. His eyes followed my hand as I soon widened my eyes to feeling his shoulder. With a dark brown cloak over his body and my hand almost numb he said with a modest smile.
"Yes. I've been telling the truth. Now do you mind?"
Pulling my hand away I then replied to his last question in utter shock still.
"I'm confused. And mad. Very mad."
Not moving an inch as I said my emotions out loud he said with a sure tone.
"They all know what your feeling right now. But that won't stop them from protecting you. You want to go straight into the heart of the enemy your fighting and kill it. You'd be alone and probably die. Do you blame them for trying?"
"No. I don't expect them to let me leave this very room without a watchful eye after everything that happened."
"Are you going to leave anyway?" He then asked as I thought for an answer to that very question.
"Right now your in one of the biggest problems of your life. Two options. Both have their ups and downs."
Looking back at him I listened as he explained.
"You can try and leave and go right after the men who took everything from you and get revenge. You could kill Gorgon and maybe even Linnen yourself. BUT! Gorgon might be already gone. Linnen might kill you before you can even mount an attack. The rebellion wouldn't be with you in Pakistan. And hell you might not even leave this building without all your friends getting in the way to try and stop you. And right now...you look like you'll kill any of them to take that kind of a chance. Would they even welcome you back after that kind of act? What would they do if you killed one of your own for such a reason?"
Gently standing up from my bed we matched heights. His eyes were looking right at me. Now really here in front of me I saw they were dark yellow. Almost a tainted gold. His fur on the other hand was pure black. Reminded me Shadow it was that dark. But with a perfect complexion and a young smile to go with it he then said my second choice.
"Or you can stay and take the chance of leading the faction you really hate to victory. You can probably find Gorgon once you put the screws into the G.U.N's hold over the middle east. Linnen will be bound to use him if something bad happens. And you could probably win the war without much of an issue befalling the rebellion itself. You could be like Shadow and be a hero. But you could also die and lose everything including the war and the rebellion. You might not even find Gorgon at all. And have it all be a waste of time. But I guess that would probably be the morally best thing to do. That is what your friends like Black and Archer would want. Without you here who leads the war? Char? Kid barely knows what loss is. Are you willing to put money down on that if you decide to leave?"
Every word he said was true. I knew it and I know he did. But those options were all I had. Placing his hand on my shoulder this time, he then asked with a more dark tone.
"What's more important right now to you? Revenge? Or the middle east?"
I kept silent. I didn't have an answer yet. Looking down the fox released his grip to gently undo his cloak. Watching as it soon slumped down in tightness. I watched as he gently let it fall onto my bed. Underneath it was what looked like old armor. A black tee and some cut up BDU's for pants.
Letting the cloak lay where it landed he took a step behind me to whisper.
"I think I know the answer."
Entering my blind spot, I felt the air get warm and instantly I turned to see he was gone. And in reaction to now being alone I looked back at the bed to see the cloak still there. Reaching for it with the hand I touched him with, I grabbed onto the hood and felt it was real. The cloak itself was aged it seemed. Covered in some scratch marks and filled with very fine holes. As if it had been shot at or even clawed or stabbed in it's time. Stretching out the front I widened my eyes as it had the same mark that was engraved on my chest.
With my mind taking a moment to relax I popped up my ears to the sound of my door opening again. Bringing one eye back I soon locked eyes with Hunter.
"Raptor?" She said in confusion as she looked inside to see me standing there looking back. Everything went quiet as she just widened her eyes.
mT Shadow.