Love Struck Delusion

Chapter 108 – It's never easy.

Zeta's POV.

Hecan didn't lie. This place was a safe house. Stationed under an old factory. Hidden even more by being placed underground from within said factory. Along with that it was filled with supplies from years gone, and still packing enough heat to defend a small battalion from being overrun. Along with it's on personal war room. Computers worked but they were not powered on. I assume it would be best to wait till we were ready to do this. As I sat at the main table, I looked around at how lonely this all was. Raptor kept to himself in the crew quarters. I haven't heard anything from him since we got here. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I still didn't know if I could. After all the things he's told me these pasts few days. After all we have been through in such a short time. After him telling me about what happened to his kids. I just don't know if I can hold a light up to the pain he has inside him. I could see he was strong. Stronger then most. But I had no idea just how hurt he was on the inside. He's told me some of the horrors that dragged him that far down. But I'm sure I'll never truly understand. Just what has to happen to make a man as strong as him want to just die? I asked myself as I fooled around with my knife. Spinning it on the table by it's tip.

I wasn't scared of him. It's more like I'm scared for him. It's probably my other half talking. Up till now I liked to keep alone with my feelings. I'm still unsure what even drove me to cry out in front of him the way I did earlier. Up till now I barely knew anything about him. Now I feel like I have too. Despite how he feels he's standing with me. Helping me. That's more then I could say for a lot of people I once knew. But what really drives me insane above it all is the fact he doesn't consider my situation to be scary. For years I've been hiding. Running and hiding. Everyone who wanted to help wound up turning on me the second they heard the price I was worth. But he just doesn't care. It's like nothing else matters to him other then my mental condition. He's confident I can do this. With or without him. But could I really? I wondered as I looked up to the sound of feet.

My eyes soon rested on Raptor who made his way slowly towards the table. Still spinning my knife I asked carefully.

"How are the beds?"

His eyes ignored me as he sat down next to me to let out a sigh.

"Dusty." He replied finally as I stopped spinning my knife. Raptor focused on the blade and with a slow movement he reached out to take it by the butt.

We both were silent now. I honestly didn't know how to approach a conversation right now with this guy. I feel like no matter what I say it won't make an inch of his time better. Instead I just watched as he touched the tip of my knife onto his index finger's knuckle. I stared at him as he slowly dragged it along the skin to make it start bleeding. A small amount of blood dribbled out from the knuckle as he just remained quiet. Quiet and staring at it. All the sudden it became clear what this was to me. I knew it better then most now that it was out there for me to see. Placing the blade back onto the table I asked.

"Do you feel better after doing that?"

His eyes wouldn't look at me. Nor was he saying a word. He just watched as the blood dripped onto the table.

"I do the same thing."

Flipping my wrist to him I pulled up on my sleeve to show him the scars. His eyes now looked for themselves as I just laid it out there for him. After a second he asked with a broken tone.

"Are you scared?"

"Of what?" I then asked as he quickly replied back.

"Of anything."

Nodding my head I replied.

"Sure. Lot's of things. I'm scared of G.U.N. I'm scared of the thought of when and how I'll die. I'm scared of people. Almost everything out here scares me Raptor."

I now looked to his hand as the finger kept bleeding. Raptor on the other hand now had his eyes closed. Still looking away from me as he did it. In time he reopened them to wipe his finger on his pants. Blood now slightly covered it in a thin layer on his skin. After which he glanced at it to let out a sigh. I remained quiet as he then mumbled.

"I see now."

"What do you see?" I asked feeling lost as he just looked back at me to reply calmly.

"Nothing. Just figuring some things out. Not like there is much to do while we wait."

"Are you scared?" I then asked bluntly as he again looked away to reply.

"I don't know. I feel like I should be. Somewhere inside me I should be. It would make sense. But I just don't know any more."

"Your just trying to sound it out Raptor." I told him as he nodded and replied.

"Maybe. I don't know."

Now things went back to normal between us. We both didn't say anything. But out of the blue he then said.

"I'm sorry you had to find out what kind of man I really am. If it makes you feel any better. Your the only one left alive besides Hecan now that knows."

"I don't care Raptor." I told him as he looked back at me to question.

"But why? Don't I scare you? Aren't you afraid?"

"Not of you. The past happened. You were different then and your different now. Maybe not all in a good way, but that's just another reason why you can't be stuck on who you once were. You changed. Look what is going on." I urged him as he now just listened.

"Things are going to go well now that we are here. And like it or not you signed the middle east up for freedom. No matter what happens, even if you die. You secured peace. It's just not time yet is all. We still have work to do. You still have work left to do."

"Like?" He then wondered as I replied.

"First thing is first. We kill Gorgon. Then we go back to the rebellion and you lead them to kill Linnen. Then after all that you show the world the change you brought onto it."

"I wish it was that simple Zeta." He then said back as I asked.

"Why can't it be? You have all the help in the world to do all three of those things. You have so many people who would be willing to die for you at the ready. Not as fanatics like Raze mind you, but as friends. Maybe some would goes as far as to consider you family even."

Raptor let a small smile pass his lips as I now just watched him react to what I said. After some time I reached back for my knife to take it away from him. Raptor just now watched as I put it back in the holster on my vest.

"How about this? Go lay down. Get some rest. When the others get here I'll tell them where Gorgon is at and we will start going over a plan of action. Somewhere to start hopefully. After it's all said and done we can go over it together with you. You need some sleep Raptor."

Raptor just looked back down at the table we were at. I could tell he was tired. He had to be.

"Go." I now ordered him as he hesitated.

After some time Raptor nodded and replied.

"Fine."

Gently I let a thin smile pass my lips. Raptor then tried to stand back up, but before he could I grabbed him by the arm. His eyes looked back at me as I said.

"Stop trying to scare me off. I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. You hear me asshole?"

I felt good as I actually got a smile back out of this guy. With a warm chuckle leaving his body he replied.

"Good. Thank you. Now can you let me go? I'm starting to get mixed signals from you."

Releasing his arm, I watched as he went for the living quarters. Letting out a sigh I tried to refocus. I don't know how long it was going to be till the others got here, but maybe I could figure out the power issue.

Char's POV.

I was just going off on instinct that the guy I saw at the conference was him. I had no other leads to follow. Issue was I had lost them. I know they went to the airport to probably see Hecan off. But if that was true they might have left as well. I didn't know what to do.

As I now walked the streets alone, I felt my phone go off. Instantly answering I said.

"I'm here."

"Where are you? Did you find him?" It was Black.

"No. I tried following Hecan's guards after they left, but I lost them at the airport. I don't know what to do now."

"Just regroup with Zulu 2-7. They are held up on the east end of the city. Archer has them undercover waiting at a place called Practical. It's a hotel. They should be in the parking garage just outside the building waiting for you. But you need to hurry. They have orders to leave in an hour after I hang up. After that you'd be on your own Char." Stated Black as I stopped to look around. G.U.N was all over the place. Probably making sure people like me weren't hiding in the city after the meeting. I had to make a choice. With Black still on the line I replied.

"Tell them to go. I'm going to stay and see this through Black."

"Archer won't let that happen Char. We need you with us back in Iraq." He told me as I let out a sigh of stress.

"You don't have any idea where he's even hiding. And we still can't rule out the fact that he was even at the meeting at all Char. You don't have the time to do this. I know you want to, but you can't. Go back to Zulu Char...please." He begged as I knew he was right. I had no idea where to go or even if he was around in the first place. I didn't have much left as an option.

"Okay. I'll be there."

"Thank you Char. See you soon yeah?" He then wondered as I went to lower my phone.

"Yeah." Shutting down the call, I made haste for the Practical. It wouldn't take long to find hopefully. I only have an hour.

Fifty minutes later.

I was running on empty but I made it. After some friendly help from some people I ran in to on the streets I found the place. I quickly ran into the parking garage to find what Black said was waiting for me. A team of four all dressed like normal people and a single car. The squad leader approached to say.

"Almost was counting you down as a goner Lieutenant. Glad you made it. Now let's get out of here."

Nodding my head as I approached them, I calmly replied.

"I got one thing left to do. Get the car started and I'll be ready to go."

"Yes sir." He replied as him and his men took that as their queue to get ready.

Reaching under my shirt, I pulled out the knife Hunter gave me. Looking around the area I spotted a trashcan not that far away tucked near the very corner of the lot. It was pressed alongside a wall, but it would work.

Hiding the knife behind it I then pulled out my phone to text Raptor. At the least if I couldn't find him this would. All I said in the text was where to find it. Once it was sent I ran back to the others to get in the car.

After all this I feel like a failed. I just hope he's okay. Wherever he is. I told myself as I ordered driver.

"Drive. We got a long trip back."

Raptor's POV, four hours later.

It's been a few hours since I heard anything from Zeta or the others. No one seemed to want to bother me.

Laying down on one of the beds, I kept myself still with my eyes shut. I couldn't sleep really. But I did manage to rest for at least an hour or two before now. It wasn't enough though.

As I laid here I noticed my phone which was on the ground was blinking. I didn't want to read it, but I was curious. Reaching down to pick it up, I opened up the lock screen and saw it was a message from Char. It read.

"Practical Hotel. Parking garage. East trashcan."

I had no idea what that meant, but I figured it had to be something important.

Lowering my phone I suddenly noticed a chill on my side.

"Good time?" I then heard.

Slowly I shifted over in the bed to see him just sitting there next to me. As our eyes locked I replied.

"Yeah."

Smiling Death then asked.

"You figure out what I did?"

Nodding I replied.

"It was just a cut. How deep does that go?"

Still just sitting there he said back.

"As far as I want it to go. People these days have access to drugs that basically do the same thing. Last time I checked you don't have any. At least this way it will be fair."

"Can I die?" I then asked him as he continued to stare at me.

"Sure. You get your head blown off and I can't promise it'll help. Can't heal if it's not attached to your neck."

I now went silent as he wondered.

"I know you wana say something to me. What is it?"

My mind was now wandering as he asked the question. But it came to me soon, and with a calm voice I asked.

"Why did you try to go out of your way to make Shadow think he was crazy?"

Death actually widened his eyes at the question as I went on to say.

"You toyed with his mind. Bended his eyes and his body. Making him think your Amy or even his son. You did the same thing to me not that long ago. You dressed yourself as a lot of people from my past. But now you show yourself. You show me who you really are. Why? What's different? Shadow legitimately thought you weren't real. Probably even at the end. I can even bet the night he killed himself you just left. Never said a word. You played him. Made him think he was insane and that everything he went through was just a figment of his imagination. Made him think all the things that happened all really happened because he was crazy and just talking with himself the whole time. You made him believe that after everything...you were just another ghost. Why? What do you get out of this? Why wouldn't you just show him you were real? Why do this with me?" I asked as he just remained there. I couldn't even tell if he even had an answer to all that.

"You're real. Now I can see that. I'm fucking insane I'll admit it. I haven't been sane since this all went down. You're acting different around me. You're not trying to fuck with me. At least not anymore then usual. Who and what even are you? Some sort of god? A figure of war? Or are you just some fucked up spirit who died thousands of years ago who likes to release his anger on innocent people?"

Death was at a standstill. But in time he questioned me.

"What does it even matter? I'm here to watch over you. Keep you alive till our deal is finished. One way or another Raptor your time is bound to come. Why do you even care enough to ask? When you should just be out there using what I gave you for you're own good."

"It matters when I realized I sold my soul before even knowing anything about you. All I saw was red in that room. I never bothered to ask why it mattered to you. So come on then. Why do you care? Is this all a game?"

Death probably wasn't use to all this. Someone actually talking back to him. Someone who wasn't afraid to ask him questions. I could see it on his face that he wasn't big on having conversations in the first place.

"Just be honest. If your scared to answer I understand."

"Scared? Me? You really are crazy if you think me of all people is scared Raptor." He then replied with some defense. Putting on more pressure I then said.

"Then just say it."

Death now gave me a look of disgust as he knew he was in a weird spot. Letting out a sigh he then replied.

"You and Shadow are two different things. With him it was about fun. You understand that Raptor? I was having a fun time driving him around the brink of insanity. I was loving it. He was the first person to come along that made it interesting. Between that girl Amy and the war, it was like being in two worlds at once. I loved it Raptor. I made Shadow my bitch. Just like you said I made him think he was crazy in the end. Made him think that after everything I wasn't real. Him offing himself made things easy for me. I made sure I had rights to his afterlife before anything else could happen. I placed my mark well before he went mad. Finding a soul like his is like finding a needle in a haystack. So if I didn't do what I did to drive him to that point he might still be alive. I'd still be waiting."

I wasn't mad now knowing the reason. I already knew anyway. I just wanted to hear him say it. Admit it.

Standing up now he looked down at me to say.

"With you it's not about driving you insane. Like you said yourself...you already are. So what's the point?" He asked me as I then wondered.

"So are you just going to kill me once I finish all this with Gorgon and Linnen? This way I don't keep you waiting."

I sensed some anger as he replied quickly.

"I could kill you now if I wanted to Raptor."

"So why not do it?"

"Because I deal in death. Keeping you around a bit longer ensures more people die. This war you are waging proves it." He then said with confidence as I calmly wondered.

"Is that all it is to you?"

"Is what?" He questioned as I looked him right in the eyes to ask.

"Is that all you want? Just for more people to die?"

"You clearly don't seem to get this Raptor. This is my fucking job!" He shouted suddenly as I widened my eyes to his sudden outburst.

Death instantly started to walk a few feet away as I sat up. After a few heavy breaths he turned to look back at me.

"Why are you asking me all this? Your just going to die? No one knows I exist but you. All the answers I give you don't matter. You can't prove anything anyway."

"Why are you getting so worked up then?" I then asked as he shouted.

"Because I...!" He wanted to say more but he stopped himself and began to shake in anger.

"There had to be others right? Not just Shadow, but actually others you've dealt with. They never asked questions."

Looking up at me he replied.

"No. None."

Silence slowly came as we matched eyes once more.

"I never let them get the chance. Just like Shadow."

"So why me then? Why am I the first?"

Death was now calmer as he replied with a simple voice.

"Cause I like you. That's all. Now drop it."

With a small smile I then urged.

"If you like me then at least stop bullshitting me on what your name is. I know Death isn't your call sign."

Death now looked at me with a face that bred confusion. Still holding my smile I added.

"Like you said yourself. I'll be dead soon anyway...and nothing you tell me will matter."

As we stared at each other we suddenly heard someone coming are way.

"Soooo?" I said with coy as he was now in an awkward place. With the steps getting closer he replied while fading away in the wall behind him.

"Marcus. Okay?"

With a smile I watched as he left. After which Zeta came around the corner to see me sitting there.

"You okay? How did you sleep?"

Now knowing something about this guy made me happy. It was starting ground at least. Looking to Zeta I replied.

"Fine. Just woke up. What's going on out there?"

Smiling she urged.

"Come see for yourself. We might have an idea on how to do this."

Nodding I took my chance to gather my things and stand up from the bed. Zeta waited by the door for me as I began to head her way. As I took a chance to walk tall, I smiled and thought to myself.

Marcus huh? Guess we all have a name. I wonder how he feels about his.

mT Shadow.