Title: "One, Two, Shot!"
Author: Veritas Found
Characters/Pairings: Anarka Couffaine, Harmony Couffaine (OC), Juleka Couffaine, Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Melody Couffaine (OC); Couffaine Family Shenanigans, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng
Rating: K Plus / PG / Most Ages
Summary: Taking cold medicine is as easy as one…two…SHOT! According to Anarka Couffaine, at least.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes/Warnings: My bestie kidnapped me back in August for a Life Sucks Let's Go road trip, and she was telling me this story about how she got her niece to take cold medicine, and I got her permission to plunny it bc y'all if it didn't scream Anarka Couffaine…
"One, Two, Shot!"
"C'mon, sweetie," Anarka cooed, trying to make her voice as saccharine as possible. Her words were practically a song, a gentle nudging that sounded nothing like her usual gruff overtones. She could hear Juleka fussing in the other room and knew she didn't have long. The wee one – the wee-est one – would be up soon, and then there'd be no convincing him. On the crate before her, hiding behind a stuffed crocodile she could not pry from his hands no matter how hard she tried, her toddler scrunched his nose and reared back, his lips pursed together as he groaned his displeasure.
It figured, she couldn't help but think, that her perfect, usually well-tempered and blessedly mellow child would turn into a complete nightmare when sick. Of course he would turn into…well. His Father.
"Luka, enough," she sighed. "Ye have t'take it, b'y."
"No," Luka said firmly, hugging his stuffed crocodile – a garish thing he called Snappy who was missing an eye – tighter. He leaned back more when Anarka again tried to press the small cup to his lips, nearly toppling over off the crate. "Yucky!"
He pressed his flushed face into Snappy's squished head, and the poor thing's remaining eye bulged a little. Anarka sighed as she heard Juleka whimper again.
"I know, b'y," she said. She laid a hand on his head and tried to ignore how warm he was. He peeked out from Snappy's fluff, and she offered him her best smile. It was a little strained by this point, but she hoped he was too sick to notice. "But ye have t'take it. T'will make ye feel worlds better. I promise ye."
"S'yucky," he mumbled, ducking his face back into Snappy. Anarka pushed out another sigh.
Well, of course it was yucky. It was cold medicine – cold medicine was supposed to be yucky, even with all that disgusting artificial grape or bubblegum or whatever flavoring the pharmacist offered to throw in now! But Luka had to take it to get better. There was nothing else for it. The trouble had started with his first dose earlier in the day, when he had obediently taken the little cup from her and started sipping it like it was his juice. They'd lost nearly the entire dose because he'd immediately thrown the cup across the room and started screaming about how bad it tasted. He had looked at her with such utter betrayal as she'd poured another dose, insisting that he had to take it. When he'd continued to pout, she'd threatened to hold his mouth open and dump the lot in. He'd finally relented, but had sat on the couch sipping the stupid medicine for a good five minutes like it was some vintage whis…
…key.
Anarka's eyes narrowed as Luka continued to pout. It maybe wasn't the best idea, but if it got him to take the medicine quicker…
She placed the medicine on the floor and headed back towards the galley. A moment later, she had returned with a bottle of apple juice, Luka's Big Boy Cup, and a shot glass. She tapped the glass on the crate next to Luka, He peeked out from his crocodile again, and Anarka grinned.
"All right, m'b'y," she said, reaching up to tap his nose. Despite his rather firm pout, he still giggled. "We're going t'do this like men."
Luka perked up at that, and she grinned as her hand darted in to tickle his belly. He giggled again, but the giggle cut off with a groan as he ducked his face back into Snappy.
"Dizzy," he moaned. She kissed his head, cooing again.
"I know, lad," she said. "Ye remember taking the medicine earlier, aye? T'will make ye sleepy, 'n when ye wake ye'll feel worlds better."
"It's yucky," he insisted.
"I know, b'y," she said. "The trick is t'take it quick."
"Quick?" he mumbled, looking up again. She picked up the apple juice, and he smiled a little when he saw it. She poured a small amount into his cup before filling her shot glass. She then gestured to the tiny cup with his medicine.
"Take it like this, b'y," she said. She picked up her shot glass and smiled at him. "Knock it back, nice 'n quick. Don't taste it. Just drink."
She knocked the shot of apple juice back like the seasoned veteran she was, grinning at Luka as she tapped the glass onto the crate. He was still frowning at her.
"Nice 'n quick," Anarka said again. "Then ye can have yer own juice. Can ye do that fer me, b'y? Nice 'n quick?"
Luka's frown deepened as he loosened his death grip on Snappy's neck. He hesitantly reached for the cup of medicine, and Anarka smiled encouragingly as she handed it to him. He watched it suspiciously for another moment, his lips pursed.
"Nice and quick?" he asked, looking up at her. She nodded.
"Nice 'n quick," she said. "Like a big b'y."
There was another tense moment where he continued to glare at the cup, his lips pursed as he squeezed Snappy's neck entirely too tight. The poor thing's remaining eye was bulging again.
"Ye can have some juice when ye're done," she wheedled, waving the cup of juice at him like a promise. He opened his mouth, as if he was about to argue with her some more, but then he threw the cup of medicine towards his mouth and knocked it back like…like a pirate.
Anarka had never been prouder of her little guy.
Even if he grimaced and dropped the cup immediately after. Even if he snatched the cup of apple juice from her and chugged it.
"Maaaa," he whined, looking at her with such betrayal in his eyes, "it's yucky."
"I know, lad," she chuckled, ruffling his hair and making him squirm again. She took the cup from him and kissed his clammy forehead before leaning back. "But ye took yer medicine, 'n I'm proud of ye, b'y."
He whimpered and cuddled deeper into Snappy.
"Go on 'n sleep now," she said, patting his knee. "Ye'll feel better when ye wake."
He hopped off the crate and shuffled his way to the couch, where he'd been sleeping since coming down with his cold. He climbed up to his blanket, turning his back to her as he cuddled his crocodile.
Juleka fussed again, and with a sigh Anarka dropped the shot glass and medicine cup into Luka's cup, placed the lot on the table, and went to check on the bairn.
– V –
Juleka crinkled her nose as she stared into the little cup in her hands. Cup was maybe a bit generous – it was barely a cap. Maybe large enough to hold a tablespoon, maybe two. The longer she sat there staring at it, the more she sniffled.
"Do…do I have to?" she mumbled, trying to keep her hands from shaking and spilling the liquid.
"'Fraid so, lass," Anarka sighed, laying a hand on her little girl's head. The three-year-old looked up from where Anarka had dropped her on the counter, her brown eyes wide and glassy. Her face was flushed with her fever, and her lips were pulled in a firm pout.
"It's gross," Juleka huffed. There was a scrambling on the stool next to the counter, and her five-year-old brother clambered onto the counter beside her. He rubbed his runny nose on his sleeve, fidgeting a little as he nudged his sister.
"You're gross, Jules," he mumbled. Anarka gave him a warning look, but she doubted he noticed. "Don't feel good, Ma."
"Ye be next, b'y," Anarka said, pressing the back of her palm to his forehead. He was flushed and clammy, and despite his shivering his skin was burning.
Luka held his hand out to Juleka.
"Gimme," he huffed.
"Ma says I gotta," Juleka grumbled back. Luka wiggled his fingers.
"You're taking too long," he whined. "Wanna sleep."
"Ma says I gotta take med…med…messin'," Juleka mumbled. She looked up at her brother with shiny eyes. "But it's gross."
"I know," Luka said. His hand was still out. "So take it quick."
"But –" Juleka started, but Luka shook his head. Anarka smiled as she watched him take charge.
"Gimme," he said again. "I'll show you."
Juleka looked uncertain, but she handed over the medicine cup without further protest. Luka's nose scrunched as he looked at the cup. He looked up at Anarka with a pout.
"Juice?" he asked. Anarka reached for the small glass of apple juice she'd set aside for Juleka. Juleka had gotten the cold from Luka, anyway, so what was a few more germs between siblings? Luka looked back at Juleka and held up the medicine. "You gotta take it nice and quick. Like Ma."
Juleka watched with wide eyes as Luka knocked back the medicine. He slammed the plastic cup on the counter between them, just like he'd seen his Ma do so many times before, and grabbed the cup of juice from her before gulping it down. He handed it back to Anarka, his face scrunched in distaste. All she could do was chuckle as she ruffled his messy hair. He looked back at his sister and attempted a smile.
"See? Not so bad," he mumbled. Juleka still looked unconvinced, but Luka picked up the still-open bottle of medicine and filled the little cup back up. He handed the bottle to Anarka, who put the cap back on once she double-checked he had the right dose.
(Of course he did. Somehow, despite his parents (even if he only knew one of them), he was so…responsible. It would have concerned Anarka if she hadn't already seen the chaotic Couffaine streak shining through some of his wilder moments.)
"Your turn," Luka said, handing the medicine to Juleka, but she only shook her head in refusal, lips pursed in a pout. At some point she had grabbed her stuffed bat and was squeezing it tightly, reminding Anarka of the stuffed crocodile Luka still slept with on bad nights. Luka moved the cup a little closer to her, and Juleka whined as she finally took it.
"You stupid," she huffed, but after a moment she knocked the 'shot' back just like her brother had done. She immediately whined and held out her hand for the juice, and Anarka chuckled as she snatched it up and chugged it. When the cup was empty, she dropped it on the counter and hit Luka with her bat. "Gross! Liar! S'gross!"
"Not a liar," Luka whined, shoving her away from him. "I said take it quick. Still gross."
"Ma, Luka's mean!" Juleka sniffled. Luka wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him as she started to cry, but she whined and squirmed and called him every nasty, mean name her little mind could think of. When he refused to let go, she finally curled around her bat and crumbled against him, sniffling about how he was a liar and the messin was gross. He dropped his head on hers and closed his eyes.
"Sorry I got you sick, Jules," he mumbled.
"Stupid," Juleka whimpered.
"Yep," he sighed. He smiled weakly at Anarka as she kissed his head. "That's me. The stupidest."
– V –
"No."
"Sweetheart, you have to take it."
"NO!"
Marinette's brow furrowed at the low – and not-so-low – voices coming from the other room. She squirmed a little, wincing when she went to lift her head and her neck twinged. Her hand pressed against her very pregnant belly as the other came up to rub her sore neck. When she blinked her eyes open, she was surprised to see the only light was coming from the lamp in the corner. It was dark outside the balcony.
"Shhhh, sweetie, you'll wake Maman up," Luka's soft voice came from the other room, and her head perked up at the sound. She looked towards the kitchen to find those lights were on, too. She could see him behind the island, but his attention was on the little dark-haired girl sitting on top of it.
…she wasn't wearing any pants. Or a shirt. She wasn't wearing anything but her pull-ups, actually. Marinette would have been more excited about seeing her husband finally home if not for the fact that they ate on that table and Harmony wasn't wearing any pants.
"I want Maman!" Harmony wailed, weakly flailing her arms at her papa as he tried to settle her. Luka hushed her again, but she slapped at his hand and Marinette heard a clattering. Luka sighed and rolled his eyes, and when he straightened he caught her watching them from the couch. He held his finger up to his lips, trying not to smile, before he ducked below the island. "Maman!"
"Harm, you know she's gotta rest," Luka sighed when he popped back up. There was a tiny medicine cup in his hand, and Marinette tried not to groan.
Harmony had come down with a bug a few days prior. They had thought it was just another case of run-of-the-mill sniffles, but when she had started running a fever Marinette had rushed her into the pediatrician's. Harmony would be fine, but the illness was a bit more serious than they had thought and their little girl would need some antibiotics to knock it out. Which would have been fine, if Harmony wasn't a Couffaine.
Marinette had learned years ago a sick Couffaine was nothing short of a nightmare. The younger the Couffaine was the worse it tended to be, as Harmony was teaching her. (By the time she had met Luka and dealt with her first Sick Couffaine, he had been more whiny and clingy than throw-the-medicine-in-your-face, so she supposed she should be grateful for that.)
(…her parents hadn't been, as the clinginess had led to her getting mono, too, but once they were both sick no one had really cared how clingy they were.)
Harmony was doing better, but she still had a few days left of her medicine, and getting her to take it so far had been…a struggle. Luka had been out of town when she'd first gotten sick, finishing up the last two shows of the tour before Marinette's scheduled due date. Her mother had been staying with her to help with Harmony, and neither of them had had any luck in getting Harmony to take her medicine. There had been one point where Sabine had sat on the floor with Harmony in a vice grip, with Marinette beside her holding Harmony's mouth open so Tikki could use the syringe the pharmacist had given them to shoot the medicine down her throat.
…hindsight, she probably wasn't going to tell Luka about that one. It hadn't been her proudest parenting moment.
"I. Want. MAMAN," Harmony gasped through her sobs, and Marinette groaned quietly as she went to push herself off the couch. Luka shot her another look once she was standing, and though she shot him an incredulous look back she paused. "Maman!"
"Harmonika, enough," Luka said firmly. Harmony was still sniffling, but she stopped yelling, at least. Luka sighed and bent down so he was eye-level with their toddler. "Ok. Maman's resting, and Mamie is at her home. You're stuck with me, kid."
"I don't want you," Harmony sniffled, and Marinette clapped her hands over her mouth to hide her snicker. Luka winced, but he was still smiling good-naturedly.
"Ok, ouch," he chuckled. He leaned up and kissed Harmony's forehead. "Love you, too, brat."
"Papa!" Harmony whined, and Luka sighed as he pulled her into a hug.
"It's ok, it's ok," he said, rubbing her back. "You don't feel good. I know you don't mean it."
"I love you," she sniffled, and he smiled and kissed her forehead again.
"I love you, too, sweetie," he said. He placed a hand on her cheek and wiped some of her tears away with his thumb. "I want you to feel better, and the medicine will help you do that. Can you take it for me, please?"
"It's yucky," she whined. He smiled and nodded. "It tastes like chalk. S'yucky."
"I know it is," he said. His smile turned into a little grin as he leaned in towards their daughter. "Wanna see how I take it?"
"…no," she whined, and he chuckled as he tapped her nose. Marinette watched him move towards the cabinet on the other side of the kitchen and the fridge. He returned to Harmony a moment later with a bottle of juice, one of Harmony's Ladybug cups, and…
…a shot glass?
Oh God.
"I promise it'll help," he said, lining the cups and medicine up next to Harmony. Marinette sat back down on the couch a second before Harmony turned to watch what her papa was doing, and Marinette dropped her head against the back before she could realize she was awake. "I'm gonna show you how the Captain taught me to take medicine, and I taught your Auntie Jules, and now I'm gonna teach you."
He poked Harmony's bare tummy, making her giggle. He was looking at Harmony, but Marinette was pretty sure the wink he gave the toddler was meant for her.
"I should've taught Maman, but she's still learning. Gotta take your medicine like a Couffaine, baby girl," he teased. Harmony pouted at him.
"Maman is a Cou…Couffaine!" she huffed, coughing a little. Luka kissed her forehead, smiling.
"The best Couffaine," he agreed, "but she still takes her medicine like a Dupain-Cheng."
Marinette tried not to be insulted when he winked at her again. She stuck her tongue out at him anyway.
He ignored her and filled the medicine cup back up before handing it to Harmony, which…Marinette knew he had to do this. She knew she had to let him, because if she stepped in Harmony would only be more difficult next time. She had to let Luka be the dad. But the Fixer in her wanted to scream, because the syringe had been right next to the antibiotic, and he was using a medicine cup, and was he trying to make it harder on himself? She'd had enough trouble the past few days with the syringe!
But she stayed quiet, because Luka was trying, and that meant the world to her, and Harmony did take the little cup from him, even if she was still eying the stuff suspiciously. Luka ruffled her hair before filling his shot glass up with some juice. He also filled the Ladybug cup up about halfway with more juice. Once done, he turned back to Harmony and lifted his shot.
There was a sinking feeling of dread in Marinette's stomach, one that she used to associate with akumas or Dingo's five-minute OMW texts. She tried to tell herself Melody was just being a little restless and laid a hand on her stomach to reinforce the thought. She felt a little foot press against her hand, but the baby was calm and Marinette…was not.
"Take it nice and quick, ok? Just…knock it back, like this," Luka said, and Marinette watched in a bemused sort of horror as he threw back the shot of juice like it was whiskey, tapping the glass on the island beside their daughter when he was done and everything. "Then take a drink of juice."
He even chased it with more juice.
…she was going to kill him.
He was teaching their three-year-old how to do shots.
"Knock…knock it back?" Harmony warbled, sounding like she wanted to start crying again. Luka nodded, and she chewed on her lip a minute.
"Nice and quick, just like Papa," he said, poking her tummy again. She smiled a little, though the smile vanished when she looked back at the cup. She scrunched her face, and Luka dropped a kiss against her head. "Are you a big girl, Harm? Your little sister's gonna be here any day now, and you're gonna have to show her how to do this sooner or later."
"She's a baby," Harmony whined. "Babies don't do anything. Angie just cries."
"You did, too, baby girl," Luka laughed. He grinned at her. "You've been doing a lot of crying yourself tonight."
"I'm not a baby!" Harmony huffed. Luka bent down again, tapping her nose one more time.
"Then show me you're a big girl and take your medicine," he said. "The Couffaine way."
Harmony pouted another moment, but then…she knocked the shot of medicine back, just her like papa had. She coughed a little bit, since she wasn't as experienced in the world of shots as her papa was, but…she had done it. She'd actually taken the medicine.
Marinette didn't know if she was proud or furious. Either way, she was probably going to strangle Luka once Harmony was asleep.
Harmony chugged the rest of the juice before shoving the cup back at Luka, and she shook her head and cried, "Blegh!" Luka chuckled and kissed her forehead before ruffling her hair.
"Good girl," he said. "I'm proud of you, sweetie."
"It's still yucky," Harmony whined. Luka scooped her up, and she cuddled against his chest.
"It's medicine," he laughed. "It wouldn't work if it wasn't yucky. You're gonna start feeling better soon, though. I promise."
"I want Maman," Harmony mumbled. Luka carried her around the island and started moving towards the hall. Marinette could see Harmony's eyes already drooping.
"She'll be here when you wake up, sweetheart," Luka said. "We both will. Let's just get you back in bed for now, ok?"
"Maman," Harmony whined, but Luka had already taken her into her room.
Marinette could hear her fussing a bit more, but it wasn't long before Luka was stepping back into the hall. He left the door open a crack and flipped the hall light out. A faint glow – Harmony's nightlight – came from the crack. Luka dropped onto the couch beside her with a heavy sigh, and she smiled as she cuddled into his side. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and held her closer.
"How're my other girls?" he asked, kissing her temple. She turned her face up towards his and moved enough to press their mouths together. She had meant for the kiss to be chaste and quick, but Luka's hands came up to cradle her face before sliding into her short hair, and she had missed him too much to pull away.
"You don't deserve that, M. Couffaine," she said primly when she leaned back. He rested his forehead against hers, smiling against her lips as his thumbs brushed along her neck. "Teaching my daughter to do shots. You should be ashamed."
"She took the medicine, right?" he chuckled.
"She's three," Marinette huffed. Luka kissed her again, and she whined when he pulled back. "Stop playing dirty. I'm mad at you."
"I was two," he said easily. "Maybe three. You know Ma's ways are a little unorthodox."
"You're explaining that to my mother when she stops by tomorrow," Marinette huffed. She pushed him back and snuggled back into his side. He was still chuckling as they settled into the couch.
"Ok, fair," he said. He nudged her a little, and she looked up to find him grinning at her. "So…I know Harm doesn't want me, but I'm hoping somebody here does?"
Marinette rolled her eyes, but she still pulled his face closer for another kiss.
"I suppose I'm glad you're back," she teased. "Even if you're teaching my daughter how to do shots."
"I taught you, didn't I?" he wheedled. She slapped his chest, and he laughed as he pulled her closer. "I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't get home sooner."
"I love you, too," she said, smiling as Melody kicked again. She shifted a bit, taking his hand and laying it on her belly. They shared a smile when the little foot pressed against his palm. "We're all just glad you're home."
– V –
Marinette remembered a time, when she was thirteen and crazy crushing on Adrien Agreste, when three kids had seemed like the perfect dream of a happily-ever-after. Two boys, one girl, and a doting husband had sounded perfect to a Marinette who really didn't know anything about how kids and husbands and families worked. And then she had met Luka, and her dream had changed, and two boys became two girls, and their third try became twins (who were still a few months away but already proving to be a nightmare), and her perfect dream of a family was colored with Couffaine Chaos, and…she wouldn't trade it for the world, really.
Life was funny that way, with how it worked out.
And…well…there was one thing she'd trade. Maybe. Maybe not trade, per se, but…
"Here ya go, Mellie," Harmony said, tapping a medicine cup full of berry-flavored Tylenol on the table in front of her three-year-old sister. Melody coughed into her stuffed snake's head, eyeing the cup suspiciously, and Marinette didn't know if she wanted to groan or roll her eyes. Her fingers flexed against her pregnant belly, rubbing anxiously as she felt one of the twins move.
The pharmacist had looked at her like she was crazy when she'd told her not to put the small syringe in the bag and had asked instead for a medicine cup. Marinette had rolled her eyes and said, "They're Couffaines." That might have meant something if the young woman had been a cop instead of a pharmacist, but as it was she had only blinked at her stupidly. Marinette had sighed, paid for the cold medicine, and went on her way.
And as she watched Harmony teach her little sister how to take her medicine like a Couffaine, Marinette realized it was just another funny little part of life. She had known it was coming, and Luka had just grinned at her when she'd gotten home and shoved the pharmacy bag at his chest, telling him to do his worst. She'd watched Luka and Harmony show Melody how to take her medicine, just as she was watching Harmony help Melody with the medicine now, with a helpless sort of resignation. Oh well, she thought, at least she's taking it.
She supposed it didn't bother her as much now as it had the first time. It was just another Couffaine quirk, and she loved Luka's quirks. Even when they included teaching their children how to do shots. God help them when the twins got their first cold…
"I don' like it," Melody sniffled, pulling Marinette out of her thoughts. She walked over to the table and bent down to kiss Melody's head. She squirmed in her seat and blinked bleary eyes up at her. "Maman. S'gross."
"I know, sweetheart, but it makes you feel better, remember?" she cooed. She sat on the chair next to Melody, who frowned at her lap. Melody wasn't as excited about the new babies as Harmony was, but Melody was also missing her cuddles. The twins meant a bigger belly, and Melody couldn't crawl on Marinette's lap like she was used to anymore. Her little girl snuggled into her side instead, but she was still pouting.
"It smells like Papa," Melody said. Harmony frowned and sniffed at the medicine, her eyes widening in delight when she realized her sister was right. Marinette smiled at that: she had said the same thing the first time she'd opened the bottle, but Luka had just rolled his eyes and told her to lay off. "But gross."
…Marinette couldn't have stopped the laugh if she'd tried. She pulled Melody as close as she could, laughing as she kissed her head.
"Oh, sweetie," she cackled, blinking back tears, "your Papa smells plenty gross!"
"HEY!" Luka called, and Marinette grinned as she looked up to find him standing at the top of the hall, his arms folded across his chest as he tried (and failed) to glare at them. "I smell delightful, thank you very much. Like berries."
"And stinky eggs!" Harmony giggled, laughing harder when Luka came over to them and scooped her up. Melody groaned and cuddled closer to Marinette's side, and she shushed the other two as she rubbed her back. "Sorry, Maman."
Luka kissed Harmony's cheek before putting her down, and he dropped a kiss on Marinette's shoulder as he bent to lift Melody from the chair. Marinette lifted an arm to catch him, pulling him in for a quick kiss. He grinned at her, pecking her lips again, before he went to put Melody down, Harmony trailing at his heels. Marinette settled back in her chair, her hand going back to her stomach as she looked after them.
It wasn't the happily-ever-after dream she'd had at thirteen, that was for sure.
But she was also sure it was so much better.