~~~S3 E12: The Western Air Temple~~~
The attack on the Fire Nation had failed, miserably. Hakoda was captured, along with most of the rest of their allies. Katara and the others retreated to the Western Air Temple to regroup and figure out what to do next.
Zuko followed them in a stolen Fire Nation air balloon, having finally confronted and denounced his father on the day of the eclipse. It was terrifying and intense… and incredibly liberating. He'd also left a note for Mai, breaking off their "relationship," if it could be called that—he had only been going through the motions and she deserved better. It felt like a clean break from the Fire Nation and all of the expectations that had weighed him down his whole life. He finally knew what his path needed to be, had finally started listening to what was truly in his heart. Finally allowed himself to be himself, not the prince and son he was expected to be.
But he was filled with anxiety at the thought of what would happen when he caught up with the Avatar and his group—and Katara. He needed to help the Avatar take down his father and restore balance to the world. To save the world from the Fire Nation's tyranny. He knew that now. And as far as he was aware of, the Avatar still needed a firebending teacher. However, the last time he'd seen the Avatar, he'd tried to kill him in a white-hot rage. When he thought of it now, he felt ashamed.
It would not be easy to win their trust.
And then there was the matter of Katara. He would need to accept that Katara most likely loathed him for betraying her. And that she loved the Avatar. Each time he thought of it, he felt a new rush of anguish. But he had to be prepared. He had to try come to terms with it.
She has the right to choose anyone she wants, and she made her choice. And can I blame either of them? Of course the Avatar loves Katara, who wouldn't? And Katara could have her pick of anyone—why would I ever think she would choose me?
Sure, he and Katara had fallen together during their travels and it had ignited his soul. But they had never actually discussed what they were to each other. As hurt as he felt when she kissed the Avatar in front of him, he realized now that he'd never really had any claim on her in the first place. He'd never even told her how he really felt.
He was determined to help the Avatar even though Aang was the person who had the woman Zuko loved. He fully expected that he would have to watch them be together, endure it as the airbender kissed her or put his hands on her in casual affection. He knew that every single day he'd have to swallow his feelings. It would be the most painful thing he'd ever done—even harder than confronting his cruel and ruthless father—but he was ready to embrace his chosen destiny. He finally knew what was right and he was filled with conviction to do it, whatever the cost to him personally.
He didn't think he could ever apologize enough to Katara for what he'd done—betraying her trust, flying into a jealous fury, choosing his false "honor" above all else—but he had to at least try. Perhaps they could even be friends, eventually. It was the most he could hope for. He knew he would always want her, always love her, but that would be his burden to bear.
And so, he found himself in the forest alone, practicing what he would say to Katara and the Avatar and feeling more and more hopeless with every rehearsal. Even the badger-frog he was talking to seemed unimpressed.
"Hello, Zuko here. But I guess you probably already know me. Sort of. Uhh. Hi, Katara. It's great to see you, again." Zuko paused. No, no, don't remind her, that's not going to get you off on the right foot with anyone. And who knows what she's told the Avatar about us—don't give him any more reasons to hate you. Okay, keep going.
"So. The thing is, I have a lot of firebending experience, and I'm considered to be pretty good at it. Well, you've seen me. You know, when I was attacking you. Uh. Yeah, I guess I should apologize for that. But anyway, I'm good now. I mean, I thought I was good before, but now I realize I was bad. Buuuut anyway… I think it's time I joined your group and taught the Avatar firebending."
The badger-frog gave him a judgmental croak.
"Well? What's your answer?!"
The creature croaked again and vaulted off his head.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Katara jumped off Appa's back, along with Aang, Sokka, and Toph, onto a huge stone balcony that opened to the wide vista of the Western Air Temple. They had just returned from a session of flying through the temple. Aang seemed determined to spend his time playing around, instead of strategizing.
"Oh, and you're going to love the all-day echo chamber," Aang said, finishing a long monologue about all of the parts of the temple that he wanted to show them.
Toph replied, "I think that'll have to wait." She pointed behind them.
Katara turned to see what it was. Appa moved aside to reveal, standing behind them near the edge of the platform, Zuko.
Katara felt like the ground dropped out from under her feet. Her vision blanked. She didn't know how much time passed—it felt like an eternity, but no one else seemed to notice anything, so it couldn't have been more than a moment. She wanted to throw up. What is he doing here? I'll kill him. Anger flared in her chest.
When she came back to her senses, she was amazed to find that she was still on her feet. She glowered at Zuko.
Aang, Sokka, and Toph were also taken by surprise. Aang and Sokka turned suspicious glares upon the intruder.
Although he'd thought he was prepared, Zuko found he wasn't ready for the pang he felt at seeing the Avatar again. The memory of Aang and Katara in the cavern hit him like a punch. But the anger had drained away—leaving behind a deep, wrenching ache. He tried to push it aside; he couldn't let it affect his mission.
His eyes were drawn to Katara, he couldn't help it. He swallowed heavily. She was beautiful as ever, even as she set the most malicious look upon him that he'd ever seen on her face. Unbidden, thoughts of kissing her all over and hearing her moan his name came into his head. Memories of her eyes dancing with amusement and face lighting up with happiness as she teased him. Those memories, contrasted with the look of hatred she was giving him now, made his heart feel like it was being crushed all over again. He fought the urge to get on his knees and beg for her forgiveness.
It's fine, totally fine, I knew this was coming. I just need to convince them. Okay, just like I practiced. But, um, better.
Zuko put on a smile and tried to make his voice sound cheerful. "Hello, Zuko here." He raised his hand in an oddly stationary wave.
The entire group immediately assumed battle stances.
Zuko bravely soldiered on. "Hey. I heard you guys flying around down there, so I just thought I'd wait for you here."
Appa's giant face loomed next to Zuko. That thing could eat me in one bite, he thought nervously as the sky bison roared at him. Then, Appa licked him. Maybe the animal could sense his good intentions?
Aang's expression morphed into a look of disbelief.
Zuko continued, "I know you must be surprised to see me here."
Sokka said, "Not really, since you followed us all over the world."
"Rrrright. Well, uh." Zuko closed his eyes. His voice sounded hesitant as he went on, "Anyway, what I wanted to tell you, about, is that I've changed. And I, uh, I'm good now. And, well I think I should join your group. Oh, and I can teach firebending. To you." He met Aang's eyes.
Katara began to shake with anger as he spoke. How dare he? How dare he come back now, and look us in the eye and claim to be on our side! Now! After everything. After he shattered my heart and attacked Aang, after I begged him not to, after he used me and made me fall in… No. How fucking dare he.
"See, I, uh," Zuko went on.
Toph interrupted. "You wanna what now?"
Katara's wrath boiled over. "You can't possibly think that any of us would trust you, can you? I mean, how stupid do you think we are?!"
Sokka said, "Yeah, all you've ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang."
Zuko tried to think on his feet. "I've done some good things. I mean, Katara, I saved your life in the desert, didn't I?
Her voice became low with barely controlled rage. "Don't you dare bring that up! Don't you fucking mention it, not now. Not ever."
Aang looked to Katara in surprise. "What? Zuko saved your life? Katara, why didn't you tell us?"
Zuko's heart sank. "You didn't tell them?"
"Why would I?!" she spat. "And it didn't matter anyway, did it? You were still just another monster from the Fire Nation in the end. Get out of here."
"I get it. I know. I am so, so sorry, Katara."
"Don't you say that to me." Her voice faltered as she struggled to contain her emotions.
Aang looked at Katara with concern at the sound of her voice. What had happened between her and Zuko? And why hadn't she told anyone about it?
"I understand why you don't trust me." Zuko looked at the rest of the group. "All of you. I've… made some mistakes in the past."
Sokka said angrily, "Like when you attacked our village?"
Her voice coated with venom, Katara broke in, "Or when you stole my mother's necklace and kidnapped me to use as bait?"
"I gave it back," Zuko said quietly.
"Argh!" Katara threw up her arms, wanting nothing more than to hurt him. She'd told herself she wouldn't use bloodbending ever again, but he was testing her resolve. It was a good thing it wasn't a full moon. "Or when you and your evil sister KILLED Aang in Ba Sing Se? After making me think—making me think you had changed! What's your excuse for that?!"
Zuko felt a flush of shame. "I admit I've done some awful things. I was wrong. Wrong to betray you, Katara."
"Shut up!" she snapped. She didn't want to hear it. It was too little, too late.
Zuko flinched but tried to keep going, "And I was wrong to try to capture the Avatar. And I'm sorry that I attacked the Water Tribe. And I never should have sent that Fire Nation assassin after you. I'm going to try to stop—"
Angry recognition crossed Sokka's face. "Wait! You sent Combustion Man after us?!"
Zuko said, "Well that's not his name, but—"
Sokka interrupted, "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to insult your friend."
"He's not my friend!"
Toph said, "That guy locked me and Katara in jail and tried to blow us all up!"
Zuko blinked sadly. This is not going well. How can I salvage this? I need to salvage this. Spirits, she hates me even more than I expected. I have to appeal to them.
Zuko looked at Aang. "Why aren't you saying anything? You once said you thought we could be friends." He turned back to Katara, imploring, "You know I have good in me."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Katara said icily.
Aang looked at Sokka, who shook his head.
Aang said, "There's no way we can trust you after everything you've done. We'll never let you join us."
Zuko felt all of his plans come crashing down around him. They really did think he was just a monster, after all. If he wouldn't be allowed to help them, what good was he to anyone? How could he ever make up for all of his wrongs? And the sharp sting of Katara's fury pierced him to the bone.
Katara was at her breaking point. "I thought I told you to get out of here, now."
"I'm trying to explain that I'm not that person anymore!" Zuko pleaded.
Sokka brandished his boomerang. "Either you leave or we attack."
Zuko felt desperate. He had to do something, and fast. He had to convince them to take him with them.
"If you won't accept me as a friend, then maybe you'll take me as a prisoner." Zuko dropped to his knees and offered his hands in the air to be bound.
Katara couldn't stand to look at him for a moment longer. He'd hurt her too deeply. He says he's changed? Ha. I know better. I won't be falling for that again. His humble, penitent act only made her angrier.
Her rage exploded. "No, we won't!" Calling water from her waterskin, she bent a torrent at him with as much force as she could manage. It felt good to have an outlet for her pain.
The water hit Zuko, hard, stinging his face like a slap and washing him backwards, closer to the balcony's edge.
Katara shouted, her voice nearly breaking, "Get out of here and don't come back! And if we ever see you again… well, we'd better not see you again!"
Zuko met her eyes, which were full of fury and gave no quarter. He knew he would not be able to convince her—or any of them.
Soaking wet, he picked himself up off the ground and walked away, his head hung in miserable dejection.
Katara watched him go and she wanted to scream. Before any of the others could say anything, she stormed away, holding back her wracking sobs until she was certain she was alone.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Later in the evening, Katara returned to find the others discussing the strange turn of events.
"I still can't understand why he would do that," Aang was saying as Katara walked back toward the group.
"Obviously he wants to lead us into some kind of trap," Sokka said, before seeing her. "Oh, hi Katara."
"Where'd you go?" Toph demanded.
"Just for a walk," she said evasively, hoping that her eyes didn't look too swollen. It was close enough to the truth, maybe Toph wouldn't be able to tell she was hiding something. "And I agree it's a trap. This is just like… before. In Ba Sing Se. He makes it seem like he's an actual human being with feelings—"
"He wants you to trust him and feel sorry for him, so you let you guard down. Then he strikes!" Sokka agreed.
"The thing is, it worked. I did think he had, ah, feelings. You know, like actual human feelings, I mean. I felt like he was really confused and hurt. But obviously, when the time came," Katara pushed away the tendrils of sadness threatening to squeeze the life from her heart again, "he made his choice. And we paid the price." I paid the price. I'm still paying it. "We can't trust him."
"I kinda have a confession to make," said Aang. "Remember when you two were sick and I got captured by Zhao?"
Sokka replied, "And you made us suck on frozen frogs? How could I forget? I had a wart on the flap that hangs down from the back of my throat for a month!" He opened his mouth wide and pointed at his tonsils.
Katara wasn't in the mood for Sokka's dramatics today. "Sokka, I looked at it and told you there was nothing there."
"I could feel it! It's my throatal flap!"
Aang went on, "Anyway, when Zhao had me chained up, it was Zuko who came in and got me out. He risked his life to save me."
Katara said, "It doesn't matter! I'm sure he only did it so he could capture you himself."
"Yeah," said Sokka. "Face it, Aang, you're nothing but a big prize to him."
Aang looked sad. He always wanted to see the best in everyone. "You're probably right."
Katara didn't like to see Aang even entertaining the notion of letting Zuko join them. She scoffed, "And what was all that crazy stuff about doing some good things? What a liar."
Toph tilted her head. "Actually, he wasn't lying.
Sokka threw up his arms sarcastically. "Oh, hooray! In a lifetime of evil, at least he did a 'few good things'."
Toph didn't take her eyes off Katara. "He wasn't lying when he said he saved your life in the desert, Katara."
"Yeah, what was that about? You didn't tell us anything about that," Sokka said.
Katara felt like the air was closing in around her. "Fine! Yes, okay? He wasn't lying about that. I came stumbling out of the desert about to die and Zuko found me. He took me to someone who nursed me back to health."
"There's more to this." Toph said confrontationally. "What aren't you telling us?"
"Ugh. Seriously, Toph, why can't you just leave it alone?"
"Because it's important right now. Tell us."
Katara glanced at Aang and Sokka but they looked just as curious as Toph. Resigning herself, she said in a tight voice, "Remember how I said I had to walk to Ba Sing Se after we got separated in the desert? Well, I wasn't alone." She took a deep breath. "I traveled with Zuko."
"WHAT?!" Sokka and Aang both exclaimed.
"Well, he'd saved my life and he was going to Ba Sing Se too, so… we just kind of, ended up on the road together. That's it! And after he attacked Aang in the caves under Ba Sing Se, I didn't think it mattered that he had seemed like a decent person for five minutes, okay?! So just drop it, will you?"
"Oh yeah," Sokka began sarcastically. "I can totally see how you might not tell us that VERY MINOR DETAIL. You just hung out with our archnemesis for a few weeks! Must have slipped your mind, did it?"
"I didn't tell you because I felt like an idiot! Because he tricked me and I felt stupid! Are you happy now, Sokka?"
Trying to deescalate the situation, Aang said, "It's okay, Katara. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I don't think you're an idiot."
"But the point is, he did save your life," Toph said.
"He saved it and then he stabbed me in the back!" Katara retorted.
Toph pushed, "I'm just saying that considering his messed-up family and how he was raised, he could have turned out a lot worse."
Katara couldn't take this anymore. "You're right, Toph. Let's go find him and give him a medal. The 'not as much of a jerk as you could have been' award."
"All I know is that while he was talking to us, he was sincere. Maybe you're just letting your hurt feelings keep you from thinking clearly." Toph said pointedly.
Katara glared at her. How much was she able to tell with her irritating truth-telling ability? Katara couldn't bear it if anyone in the group found out how much of an idiot she had really, truly been. And how hurt she still was.
Katara snapped back, "Easy for you to say! You weren't there when he had us attacked by pirates."
Sokka joined in, "Or when he burned down Kyoshi Island."
Even Aang had something to add, "Or, when he tried to capture me at the fire temple."
"Why would you even try to defend him?!" Katara demanded.
Toph held her ground. "Because, Katara, you're all ignoring one crucial fact. Aang needs a firebending teacher. We can't think of a single person in the world to do the job. Now one shows up on a silver platter and you won't even think about it!"
"I'm not having Zuko as my teacher," Aang said.
"You're damn right you're not, buddy." Sokka put a hand on Aang's shoulder.
Katara glared at Toph again. "Well, I guess that's settled."
Toph growled in frustration. "I'm beginning to wonder who's really the blind one around here."
She left the camp, and didn't return for the rest of the night.
Katara was glad Toph was not around. She didn't like the way the earthbender could see through her and she didn't want to be pressed about what had actually happened between her and Zuko. Or her feelings for him, as mixed up as they were.
Sensing her dark mood, Sokka and Aang gave her a wide berth that evening. Which suited her just fine.
O – O – O – O – O – O
"Fuck!" Zuko screamed into the night, berating himself after the earthbender had crawled away into the forest. She'd come to talk to him, but when she'd woken him from his uneasy sleep, he'd reacted on instinct. He'd burned her.
"Fuck fuck fuck!" he shouted again, banging his hands on his head.
This might have been his only chance, his one shot, to convince someone in the Avatar's group that he was sincere. And instead he'd completely fucked it up.
He needed to find a way to show them that he had changed. Whatever it took.
O – O – O – O – O – O
The next day, while Toph was soaking her burned feet in the fountain after a session of healing with Katara, Combustion Man caught up with them despite their remote location. Katara, Aang, Sokka, and Toph ran for cover as explosions sent rocks flying everywhere.
To everyone's surprise, Zuko showed up, trying to call the assassin off. Combustion Man completely ignored the firebender, single-mindedly focused on his mission, until Zuko gave up on conversation and started attacking him. They traded a few blows before the force of one of Combustion Man's blasts pushed Zuko off the edge of the narrow ledge they were standing on. As he fell, Zuko managed to reach out and grab a lucky tree root hanging from the cliffside.
While Zuko was preoccupied with climbing to safety, Combustion Man leapt onto a platform closer to the balcony. He fended off attacks from Aang and Katara, sending an onslaught of explosions toward them until they had to retreat behind a thick stone wall. It soon became clear he was trying to blast the entire structure off the cliffside.
From behind their cover, Sokka managed to hit the assassin directly in his third eye, the source of his bending power. At first, it didn't seem to slow him down—but the next time he released an attack, the explosion backfired, destroying Combustion Man for good.
O – O – O – O – O – O
After the battle, Katara watched Zuko walk over to them, and she geared herself up for another fight.
Aang sounded astonished. "I can't believe I'm saying this but, thanks Zuko."
"Hey, what about me?" said Sokka. "I did the boomerang thing."
Everyone ignored him.
Zuko was much more self-possessed than he had been the day before. "Listen, I know I didn't explain myself very well yesterday. I've been through a lot in the past few years. And it's been hard. But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honor and somehow my father could return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself by choosing to do what's right. All I want now is to play my part in ending this war. And I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world." He turned to Toph and bowed. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. It was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and wild, so as a firebender I need to be more careful and control my bending, so I don't hurt people unintentionally."
Upon hearing that, Aang decided that it was time to give Zuko a chance. "I think you are supposed to be my firebending teacher. When I first tried to learn firebending, I burned Katara. And after that, I never wanted to firebend again. But now I know you understand how easy it is to hurt the people you love."
Zuko's eyes flickered to Katara at the word "love," and he tried to ignore the piercing sensation in his chest.
Aang bowed to him and continued, "I'd like you to teach me."
Katara wanted to evaporate. This cannot be happening. He can't join us. He can't. I can't be near him. I can't bear it. She wanted to scream and throw shards of ice at everyone and weep all at the same time.
Zuko returned Aang's bow. "Thank you. I'm so happy you've accepted me into your group." He smiled, feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time.
"Not so fast," said Aang. "I still have to ask my friends if it's okay with them. Toph, you're the one that Zuko burned. What do you think?"
Toph shrugged. "Go ahead and let him join." Then, she smiled. "It'll give me plenty of time to get back at him for burning my feet."
"Sokka?"
"Hey, all I want is to defeat the Fire Lord. If you think this is the way to do it, then I'm all for it."
"Katara?"
Zuko looked at Katara with eyes full of hope.
Katara was trapped. Aang clearly wanted Zuko to teach him, he'd basically welcomed him to the group already. And everyone seemed to be going along with it, no matter what they'd said the day before. She felt panicked, but there was really nothing else to do but to agree. Through gritted teeth, she managed, "I'll go along with whatever you think is right."
She refused to meet Zuko's gaze.
"I won't let you down. I promise!" Zuko said eagerly.
Katara walked away without looking back.
O – O – O – O – O – O
After Sokka showed Zuko to his new room in the Western Air Temple, Zuko let out a sigh of relief. The hardest part was over. Now that they'd accepted him into the group, he would just need to help Aang and everything would be all right. Surely Katara would come around, eventually. She had to. It pained him to see her reaction to him joining them, but he thought he could convince her that his heart was in the right place given enough time.
He unpacked his sparse belongings, the most important item being his portrait of Iroh. As he took it out of his bag, he studied it, feeling horribly guilty. His uncle had already escaped when Zuko had gone to free him from his jail cell on the day of the eclipse. He wished his uncle could see him now. He hoped he would be proud. And he hoped, more than anything, that he would have a chance to apologize to him. To tell him how much he meant to him.
He was lost in his thoughts when Katara showed up in the doorway.
As she strode into the room, Zuko's heart leapt for a split-second, before he saw the way she was glowering at him, brimming with detestation.
Katara approached him confrontationally, standing as close as she could bring herself to. "You might have everyone else here buying your 'transformation' but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past."
"Katara, I—" he began, thinking he could finally apologize to her properly. She was only inches away from him, so close he couldn't ignore the way his body began to burn for her, even as he tried to smother the feeling.
"No," she cut him off. "You don't talk to me. You don't look at me. As far as I'm concerned, you don't exist unless it's something about defeating the Fire Lord. You're here for one thing. To teach Aang firebending. And let me tell you something right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently."
Zuko was left speechless as Katara swept from the room, slamming the door on her way out.
When she was gone, he sank onto the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He felt eviscerated. How could he ever have thought they could be friends? She was never going to forgive him.
He knew he deserved it, but that didn't make it hurt any less.