Merlin had to stop Arthur from going to Ismere. He wanted to save their friends as well, but couldn't get the druid seer's words out of his head.
As they laid back to back underneath the rock wall, hiding from Morgana's men, Merlin had tried to convince him.
"I need you to listen to me", Merlin said with desperation in his voice and a heavy feeling in his stomach.
"The druid seer. Before he died, he tried to warn me. He told me that you were in danger. And that the danger was close."
"He was dying, Merlin", Arthur replied.
"It is what he would say."
Why would Arthur never listen to him?
"I think he was a druid seer", Merlin tried.
"You expect me to listen to a sorcerer?", Arthur countered, the disdain obvious in his voice.
The pit in Merlins stomach suddenly felt a bit heavier.
"Why would he tell me that? He had no knowledge that I even knew you. We have to turn back.", Merlin tried again, turning around to look at Arthur.
"I can't. Even if what he said we're true. It makes no difference."
"Arthur, without you, Camelot is nothing. All that we've worked so hard to create, everything we've begun-"
Arthur interrupted him as he sat up to face Merlin.
"Look, no matter what adversity we face, we stand for what is right. To betray our beliefs, Merlin, that..is what will destroy everything we've strived for. I swear I'm going to rescue my men. Or die trying".
As Arthur spoke, Merlin felt the intensity of their connection warm his chest. The pit felt a bit lighter.
"And I swear", Merlin answered, " I will protect you or die at your side".
They laid back to back as they fell asleep. And then, side by side, pressed up against each other, with Arthur's arm resting on Merlins chest.
Then suddenly, they were somewhere else. He was holding Arthur in his arms, crying. Merlin felt panic in his throat, making it difficult to breathe. He had to get him there in time, he had to save him.
"I'm going to say something I've never said to you before. Thank you."
"ARTHUR!", Merlin screamed to no avail, and then he was alone, all alone in the darkness, with a searing pain in his chest-
ARTHU-!
Merlin opened his eyes, his heart racing in his chest. He felt the magic surge through his body, threatening to burst, burning at the surface of his skin. Had something happened?
No. Just another dream.
He hadn't had one in a long time, and this one felt different somehow. He closed his eyes, and tried to calm himself.
Just another dream.
The burning sensation of magic subsided, but Merlin still felt like his head was about to explode. He tried to open his eyes, but shut them quickly when faced with the sunlight forcing its way into the darkness of his bedroom through a small space between his curtains. He exhaled heavily, and grimaced as he smelled the alcohol on his own breath. Memories from the previous night suddenly came rushing back, and he quickly turned around to see the bare skinned back of the man he had brought home in his drunken stupor. He remembered the loud music, and the lights. Dancing, sweating and the sensation of warm lips pressed against his.
Why do I keep doing this, he thought.
It never helps.
In the past 1500 years, he had tried to love, and succeeded. Several times. He had even been married twice. First to Erla, and then later to Ben.
Don't think about them.
But eventually, saying goodbye became too difficult. He still kept acquaintances, and even some friends here and there. But the heartbreak of loving someone fully with the knowledge of them eventually dying, and him being unable to follow, became too much to bear.
But he still needed some kind of connection. And so, drunken one-night stands occasionally helped him stave off the worst of his loneliness.
He was pulled out of his melancholy thoughts by a pleased sigh from his companion.
"Hmm.. good morning Emrys", he heard from his left.
He looked over at his companion. He was young, perhaps in his late twenties, and very handsome, with red, wavy locks framing the pleased expression on his face. What is his name again, Merlin thought, wracking his brain for any memories that might give him some clue.
"Good morning.. you", he managed to get out in a dry croaky voice, internally cringing at his inability to hide his awkwardness.
The previously pleased look on his guest's face quickly vanished.
"It's Robert. That's my name."
Clearly offended, he groaned, quickly got dressed, and walked out, leaving Merlin somewhat relieved to be alone again.
"Sorry.", Merlin mumbled into the now empty room.
He laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling the painful thumping of his pulse in his head. He knew that he could be cured of this hangover with a simple thought, but he somewhat relished in the sensation. Being immortal quickly became mundane, especially when his magic could heal all his physical ails and pains. The emotional pains of living forever, however, only became worse with every year. And so, the distraction of physical pains, such as this excruciating headache, actually felt like a relief.
He turned to look at his bedside clock, and suddenly shot up from the bed in a slight panic.
What day is it?
"Shit, shit, shit, I'm late"
He suddenly realized that he had drunk the entire weekend away, and that it was Monday. He had to be at work in 30 minutes.
Merlin had had many careers throughout his long life. He had been Court Magician during Gwen's reign. Those had been good years, even after Arthur-
No, don't think about him either.
When his mother and last friends from Camelot were gone, he had travelled. All over the world. He had been an advisor to other great kings and queens. And tried, in vain, to advise less great kings and queens. He had then been a healer. A farmer. He had been a fisherman in Iceland, where he had met Erla. He had been an author. An artist. A musician. A solicitor. A scientist. He had so many degrees in so many different disciplines, he could change his identity with ease. This came in handy, as moving and starting over was a necessary and frequent consequence of immortality. But the constant learning also kept his mind preoccupied, distracted from the thoughts and feelings that might drive him insane should he pay them too much attention.
His current identity was Emrys Hunithson (a name he returned to every few decades), and he worked as a cardiac surgeon at West Mendip Hospital in Glastonbury. In his first life, he knew Glastonbury as the Isle of Avalon. Although he had to move around frequently to avoid suspicion, he tried to rotate back to Glastonbury as often as he could. Even though it pained him to remember, he also couldn't stop himself from being pulled back. Just in case.
Merlin frantically threw on a pair of loose-fitting jeans, a white t-shirt, and a woolen jumper. As he bent down to put on a pair of dirty mismatching socks he found on the floor, he suddenly felt an intense urge to vomit. He tried to locate his car keys, but the room was spinning, making it very difficult.
Alright. I can't drive, let alone go to work, in this condition.
Merlin stumbled through the dark of his bedroom into the bathroom, placed his hands on each side of the sink, and lifted his head to look at his reflection in the mirror. He looked awful. His skin looked almost grey, matching the odd specks of grey hairs growing along his temples and in his stubbled beard. He currently appeared to be somewhere in his early forties, with slight wrinkles surrounding his weary blue eyes and between his brows. He inhaled, and his eyes briefly gleamed a honey-golden glow. He felt the nausea, headache and dizziness melt away from his body as he exhaled. He looked back into the mirror and found that even though he still looked somewhat tired, at least he didn't look like he was on the brink of death. Although removing his discomfort was a relief, its absence also revealed a familiar emptiness. An emptiness that gave room for unwelcome thoughts and feelings.
"Alright, off to work".
Merlin loved the hectic and intense atmosphere of the surgical unit. It was a tough job, no doubt about it. But he had always been accustomed to dealing with death, ever since his first arrival in Camelot. Out of all his previous careers, healing (or medicine) was the one he most frequently returned to. Even during his reign as Court Sorcerer, treating people's illnesses, helping people, had been a priority for him. Especially after Gaius died. Not only did it give him a feeling of purpose, but it also felt like a good way to honour and remember the man who had been like a father to him for so many years. He could not be obvious in his use of magic as a surgeon for risk of exposure, but it did help him in his work. His instincts would guide his scalpel, and sometimes he would use spells to help with pains or speed up the healing process for his patients. There were limits, however, even to his powers. He was not a master of life and death, and he did occasionally lose patients.
Merlin jogged through the sliding door entrance to the hospital, barely a minute before his shift started. Mary, the cheery, curly-haired, plump receptionist grinned and shook her head when she saw Merlin jogging towards the elevator, red-faced and sweaty.
"Just in the nick of time again, Em!", she yelled after him with a laugh in her voice.
"You know me, Mary, I like to keep everyone in suspense!", he replied with a wink as the elevator doors closed.
Merlin quickly changed into his scrubs, and made his way into the shift-change meeting room.
"Good of you to join us, Hunithson!", Dr Allen muttered from the other end of the room, not looking up from his chart.
"Sorry", Merlin replied in a whisper, taking a seat next to one of the nurses, Anne.
"All, right. Now that we're all here-", Allen continued. Anne and Merlin exchanged a brief look, and Merlin couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. Anne suppressed a smile in return. Allen had never liked Merlin, that much was clear to him after 10 years at West Mendip. He could never really figure out why- sure, Merlin could perhaps come across as insolent or disrespectful sometimes, as he had no issues with telling Allen off if they disagreed on how to treat their patients. He had never had issues standing up to authorities. But Merlin also had the best treatment record out of all the surgeons, never showed up late (only occasionally nearly late), and got on well with patients, as well as the other doctors and nurses. Allen, on the other hand, always found some reason to quarrel with him.
"Anne, Olivia, Miriam, you're on post-op. Check up on Mr. Bell, Mr. Willis and Mrs. Armstrong. Davis, you'll be heading the bypass on Mr. Taylor this afternoon. Christianson, you'll be doing the valve replacement on Ms. Evans", Allen droned out in his usual monotonous voice. He looked up from his chart, eyes locking with Merlins.
"Hunithson, urgent care is short of one doctor today, Mattis called in sick with the flu. You're not above some grunt work every now and then, are you?".
Merlin supposed Allen was trying to get a rise out of him by assigning him to urgent care, but Merlin honestly didn't mind. He quite liked working in the urgent care unit. Sure, he wouldn't be doing complicated surgery, but he did enjoy some face to face time with patients every now and then. Surgery was a very impersonal speciality in that sense. Also, Davis and Christianson were excellent surgeons, perfectly capable of handling the surgeries on the docket today.
"Wherever I can be of help, Allen", Merlin replied with a smile, which seemed to make Allen look even more glum than he already did.
After the shift-change, Merlin made his way down to urgent care, where he was set to work immediately. His first patient was Bobby, a five year old boy who had cut his arm on a metal wire fence while playing. In the examination room, the crying boy clung to his mother who stood by his bed, refusing to let go.
"Hello, there", Merlin said in a soft voice, crouching down so he was at eye level with the boy.
"My name is Emrys, and I am a doctor. My job is to help people feel better when they're hurting. Do you mind if I have a look at your arm? Your mum told me you had a little accident today, and I would like to make it better for you."
Bobby stopped crying, and looked questioningly up at his mom, who smiled and nodded. The boy lifted up his arm towards Merlin. It was a deep gash indeed, and the boy had been lucky it missed his artery.
"Alright Bobby, we'll have you fixed up in no time, good as new. But you're going to need some stitches."
At the word "stitches", Bobby immediately started crying again, burying his face in his mom's jumper.
"It's alright, darling. It'll only hurt for a moment, and then you'll be all better", his mother said, trying to console him. She turned to Merlin. "I'm sorry, he's scared of needles. I'm sure he will calm down in a minute. But, doctor- would you mind looking after him for a minute while i use the loo? We've been here for hours, and I haven't had the opportunity-", she started.
"Of course", Merlin replied reassuringly.
"Alright darling, mummy needs to use the loo for a moment, and the nice doctor here is going to look after you while I'm gone. Can you be a good boy and wait here for mummy?"
Bobby wiped at his tears and nodded, looking miserable.
"Hey Bobby", Merlin said in a loud whisper. "Would you like to see a magic trick?"
Bobby perked up at this. He wiped away snot and tears using his sleeves, and gave a slight nod. Bobby's mom smiled at them, and mouthed (thank you) as she headed out of the room.
"Alright Bobby, I'll show you a magic trick, but you can't tell anyone, alright? Not even your mum. It'll be our secret. Promise?", Merlin whispered, trying to look very serious.
"Promise", Bobby replied, now clearly intrigued.
"Alright, give me your hands".
Merlin took the boys hands and folded them together in his.
"Now, close your eyes".
Merlin's eyes glowed gold for a brief second.
"Alright, now open your eyes".
Bobby opened his eyes, and looked down. Merlin slowly unfolded their hands, revealing what appeared to be a small floating cloud of sparks, emitting a yellow-orange glow. The boy stared in wonder. The tiny sparks then started to move, changing form into a small dragon, perched in the palm of the boy's hand. Bobby's eyes grew wider, his mouth gaping as the dragon took form. Suddenly it took flight up towards the ceiling, and then down again towards them, and then a few laps around Bobby's head. The boy gave a joyful shriek, and then started laughing wonderfully, his eyes following the dragon as it eventually landed on the top of Merlin's head before it vanished in a puff into thin air. Bobby's laughter lingered for a while, and Merlin laughed with him.
"More!", Bobby demanded with a huge grin.
"The dragon had to go to visit another little boy who was hurting. That's his job you see, to help little boys and girls be brave when they're at the doctors. He also told me some magic words that will make sure that getting your stitches won't hurt one bit. Do you want to hear them?"
Bobby nodded enthusiastically.
Merlin leaned to the boy's ear and whispered "Mont koit pæon", his eyes glowing as he did.
Right then, the boy's mother returned.
"Mum! Mum, the magic dragon told me some magic words so the stitches won't hurt!, Bobby shouted.
So much for secrecy, Merlin thought to himself. He didn't mind, though. Children had vivid imaginations, after all. Bobby's friends would surely be hearing some strange stories about what it's like going to the doctor.
"Oh, is that so?", his mother asked, eyebrows raised. She shot a quick smiling glance towards Merlin, who shrugged his shoulders, feigning an innocent look.
Merlin applied the stitches without any complaints from the boy, who proudly exclaimed "See, mum, it doesn't hurt at all!", every twenty seconds.
The rest of the day flew by so fast with Merlin rushing between patients, he didn't have time to take a single break. He treated a few more cuts and bruises, saw two concussions, a broken arm, a broken jaw, and three viral infections. He ran tests for diagnoses, and sent patients on to the appropriate departments for treatment. When he finally had time to take a breath, he looked at his watch, realizing that it was 9:55 PM and that his shift ended in five minutes. He was exhausted, and starving. He would pick something up on his way home. And perhaps a bottle of wine as well. He didn't have an early shift in the morning, perhaps he would go out for a drink. Meet someone.
It won't help.
He made his way towards the changing rooms, and ran into Anne on his way there.
"How was your day in the pit then, Em? I don't know what you did to get on Allen's bad side, but it must have been something horrible", she said teasingly, nudging in his side with her elbow as they walked down the hall.
"I know it seems unbelievable to you Annie, but not everyone finds me as charming, handsome, hilarious and intelligent as you do", he teased back.
Anne rolled her eyes at him, but her cheeks blushed slightly. Merlin instantly felt a pang of guilt. He suspected that Anne might be a bit infatuated with him. She was a beautiful girl, and kind. She sometimes reminded him of Freya. Over the seven years he had come to know her he had found that she was warm, open and selfless in the same way. He had considered going out with her- several times, in fact, over the years they had known each other. But he had learned the hard way that opening up, letting someone know him and love him was cruel. It could never last and always either ended in painful separation or death. It was kinder to keep her at bay.
"A few of us are going out for drinks, you want to come? Christianson is claiming he broke the world record for fastest valve replacement ever and wants an audience for his celebratory bragging. Typical surgeon."
Merlin snorted a laugh in response. He did feel like going out tonight, and listening to Christianson's drunken tales of glory was entertaining.
"Yeah, actually I-", Merlin started, but was interrupted by his name being called out over the hospital speakers.
"Hunithson to surgery, Hunitshon to surgery".
"I guess I'm working overtime tonight! Next time", he yelled over his shoulder to a disappointed-looking Anne as he ran down the hallway towards the surgical unit.
He was met by Dr. Allen who handed him a patient chart and fell into stride next to Merlin as they paced down the hallway.
"Who's the patient?", Merlin asked matter-of-factly, sensing the graveness of the situation.
"We don't know, he was found on the shore of the lake by passers-by."
"A drowning? Why was I called?", Merlin asked.
"He seems to have been stabbed, and there is some metal embedded in his chest. It's lucky we ran a CT and not an MRI, which probably would have killed him."
A strange feeling suddenly washed over Merlin as he came to a halt. It was the same sensation he felt as he woke up this morning. He felt the magic burning on his skin, and heard blood rushing through his ears.
"Hunithson! What's the matter with you?!"
Merlin snapped out of the trance he was in and picked up his pace as he was nearing the surgery room.
"By which lake did you say he was found?", Merlin managed to get out while trying to stop his voice from sounding shaky.
It can't be.
"I didn't say.", Allen replied with a slight frown. "The EMTs didn't say."
It couldn't be.
Merlin arrived at the washing station, and frantically soaped up his hands and arms as his mind was racing.
It's not him.
Surgical nurses arrived to help him into his surgical scrubs, mask and gloves.
It's impossible.
He walked the final steps towards the entrance to the surgical suite, feeling like his mind was detaching from his body, reeling with a million thoughts and feelings at the same time. Hope. Fear. Joy. Panic.
Please.
He pushed the door open using his shoulder, and slowly turned around to face the operating table.
And then, the whole world disappeared.
Oh my god.
Hey guys, this is my first attempt at a fanfic in many many years, so I would love any and all feedback. Just finished Merlin and just felt the need to continue their story /3.
Thanks for reading!