The Doctor woke early in the morning. Out of habit, he reached out to Jack's side of the bed finding it empty and cold. He sighed as he let his arm fall to his stomach again. While he wasn't surprised that Jack had chosen to avoid coming to bed it still hurt and he hated himself for it. Every time the two of them started to get close again he would ruin it and drive Jack away from him. He knew in his hearts that the loving sex would stop again as Jack once more became cold to him. It was just a matter of time before the sex became angry. He closed his eyes as he couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to that horrible night.
He thought about that night for hours, days, and even longer but no matter how long he thought about it, he still couldn't understand what caused Jack to snap. There had been no prep that night or lube as Jack held him down pushing painfully into his body. He had fought at first as the pain was too much for him to bare but Jack had ignored him. As his body loosened, Jack had taken him hard making every thrust hurt until Jack found his release deep inside his body leaving his own body hurting with his member soft. He couldn't move even after Jack rolled off of him laying their in pain and shock as Jack stumbled to the shower. Not wanting to see the Captain again, he had forced his sore body to move wincing in pain as he dressed before leaving the house and walking stiffly back to Torchwood. It was only once he was back in the safety of the TARDIS that he had allowed himself to break. He sat just inside in the door with his knees drawn to his chest crying until he couldn't anymore. Not wanting to hurt anymore, he drug his sore body to the console setting the coordinates. There was no thought about the consequences of his decision as he made the choice to forget. To forget about the pain Jack caused him, to forget about the pain the Master caused and hopefully one day to forget about himself.
The Doctor's eyes popped open again as he forced his mind away from that night. He was breathing heavy and he felt his stomach flip. He desperately wanted the calming effect that the drugs would bring him but to use them would mean losing his daughter and possibly Jack forever. Throwing the blankets back, he drug his aching body out of bed going to the loo. He used the toilet before heading down the stairs. Jack was laying on the couch but he wasn't sleeping as he stared up at his phone. His fingers were moving quickly in the familiar patter of someone texting.
"The Brigadier has eight of the men at UNIT and is currently having them processed. The other two are still in the hospital under strict police supervision and will be moved to UNIT as soon as they are stable. We may have to go to UNIT to give a statement here soon but the Brigadier is going to wait as long as possible in order to give you a chance to recover first," Jack stated without looking at the Doctor.
"You told him?" the Doctor wondered.
"No, I just told him that you were having a hard time dealing with what happened and it would be best for you to wait before speaking to anyone," Jack stated. He lowered his phone finally to look at the Time Lord. The Doctor was trembling softly and he looked sick even in the soft light coming from Jack's phone. "How are you feeling?"
"I have a headache and muscle ache but I still have a while before the major withdrawal symptoms start," the Doctor admitted deciding to be honest.
"I knew you were probably using and I checked your arms regularly. How did I not notice the scars before now?" Jack questioned sitting up. The look the Doctor gave him said it all.
"There are other places to inject on the body besides the arms Jack," the Doctor stated.
"So do I need to start checking between your toes and at your groin from now on?" Jack wondered. The Doctor shook his head no. "You know I can't trust that you won't relapse again."
"I know," the Doctor scratched his arm turning his head away from Jack. "I want a cuppa."
"I'll make you one," Jack stated getting to his feet. The Doctor followed Jack into the kitchen. The Doctor took a seat at the table as Jack turned on the kettle pulling down two cups. He added sugar to one of them and left his own empty as he preferred. The Doctor clasped his hands together twiddling his thumbs as he stared down. He was growing restless and the restlessness would only get worse until he couldn't even sleep. He was used to not being able to sleep and the headaches he had since he first was woken up early during his regeneration sickness. The part that he wasn't looking forward to is when the withdrawal reached its peak. When the cravings overrode his body as nausea took over in flu like symptoms. He was going to be cranky and miserable and the only one he could blame was himself.
"Thank you," the Doctor mumbled as a cup of tea was set in front of him. He wrapped his shaking hands around it feeling the warmth radiating from the cup. Jack took a seat across from him with his own cup his phone was still in his hand and he was texting regularly to multiple people. Finally, he sighed slamming the phone on the table.
"I need to go to Torchwood for a few hours," Jack stated.
"No," the Doctor responded.
"I'm sorry, Doc, but I don't have a choice. I have been on the phone most of the night working and trying to handle it from here but I have to go in for a little while and I can't leave you here alone." Jack looked up at the Doctor who was still staring down into his cup of tea. "I'm not going to make you interact with anyone there. In fact, you are welcome to hide in my room away from everybody but I don't want you on your TARDIS until I have had a chance to search it." The Doctor snickered at that last statement and Jack rolled his eyes. They both knew that it was impossible for him to search the entire TARDIS even with his eternal life.
"Fine," the Doctor sighed. He stood up, abandoning the rest of his tea and disappearing up the stairs. Jack didn't comment on the half-drank cup but poured the rest of it down the drain. Once they were ready, Jack drove them the short distance to Torchwood. The Doctor didn't say anything to anyone as he crossed the hub disappearing up the stairs. Jack followed him up to his office and watched as the Doctor slid down the ladder into Jack's room. Jack closed the hatch after him then pulled the door to the TARDIS closed. He had just taken a seat at his desk when Martha came into the office.
"Is he alright?" Martha wondered.
"Fine," Jack answered out loud as he shook his head no. "How was Emily?"
"She was good. We had a slight meltdown at bedtime but nothing I couldn't handle," Martha responded. *Do you want me to talk to him?* she mouthed upon finishing her sentence. Jack shook his head no again.
"I will pick her up tonight but I may need you to take her again later in the week," Jack answered. *He just needs time.* Jack told her silently.
"Just let me know," Martha answered both questions out loud. She jerked her head slightly to the TARDIS and Jack pointed at his bedroom hatch. She narrowed her eyes in confusion as the Doctor didn't tend to hide there as there was nothing inside the room to distract himself with. "Are you sure he is all right."
"I promise I will call you if he needs you but for now just let me handle this, Martha," Jack told her. *Leave it.* Martha nodded.
"I will be at my desk if you need me," Martha stated. She stood up leaving Jack alone. Jack glanced towards the hatch again but the Doctor was currently silent so he left him alone as he turned to his computer. It was easier to multitask in his office and he was texting while on the phone and working on his computer when he heard the sound of the hatch opening. The Doctor went straight through into the TARDIS without a single word to Jack. Jack finished his call as quickly as possible then went into the TARDIS to find the Doctor sitting on the Captain's chair with a bag in his hand along with a syringe.
"Have you taken any?" Jack questioned him.
"No, but I want to," the Doctor admitted. He glanced at the handbrake which was still deadlock chained. If he asked, Jack would take the chains off and he could send himself into the vortex to find the relief he craved. He used to be able to get away with only taking a dose every few days but now if he went more than twenty-four hours he could feel the effects clearly. He didn't want to admit he was addict but he knew he was and that it was going to take time and effort to stop. He just didn't know if he was strong enough.
"You don't need it, Doc. I know you think you do but you gave it up before and I am confident that you can give it up again," Jack told him softly. The Doctor didn't look at Jack as he took a seat next to him then gently pried the bag out of the Doctor's hand. The Doctor gripped it tightly putting up a small fight before letting Jack take it from him. Jack didn't trust that this was all the Doctor had and he checked all of the Doctor's pockets before sending the Doctor back to his room to rest. With the Doctor gone, he stood up placing his hand on the console.
"Does he have anymore drugs hidden on board?" The TARDIS blew warm air on Jack and he sighed. "Can you show me where they are?" Again warm air was blown on him. Jack stepped off the TARDIS briefly to grab his phone and make sure the Doctor had gone back to his room. Upon returning to the TARDIS he made his way around the TARDIS. She led him to the location of five more bags of drugs and two pre-made vials of liquid before finally letting Jack know he had them all. Jack took all of them with him to the medi-bay where he pulled out the bag the Doctor had willingly gave him the day before along with one of the know drugs.
"Can you compare these for me?" Jack asked her placing them into a drawer. It took less then a minute for the TARDIS to return the results and Jack wasn't surprised to find out the first bag contained none of the drugs that the Doctor favored. Instead it was a mixture of sugar and calcium powder. Jack accepted the bags back and promised the TARDIS he would destroy them as he took them off of the TARDIS. He pulled the first two bags he had found out of his pocket added them to the rest. He left his office briefly going to the medical room where he disposed of them in the medical waste after mixing them with coffee grounds. He then returned to his office once more to check on the Doctor. The Doctor was sitting on his bed running his nails slowly along his skin leaving red marks as he did.
"Please don't hurt yourself," Jack told him. His voice seemed to snap the Doctor out of his thoughts and he looked at his arm in confusion. He pulled his jacket down back over the exposed skin letting his arms fall. "Do you want a cup of tea?"
"Nauseous," The Doctor answered softly.
"I will be done soon then we can go home," Jack promised him. True to his word, Jack finished everything he could within the hour. He planned on keeping in contact with UNIT and typing up the necessary reports but he could do that from home. The Doctor was pale and he didn't want to move when Jack came to retrieve him but he also wanted to go home. He leaned heavily on Jack as the two of them left the hub as once more he refused to look at anybody who worked for Torchwood.
"I will drop Emily off for you," Martha offered as she looked at the two men.
"Thank you," Jack responded. With once less thing to worry about, he took the Doctor straight home settling him into bed with a bucket by his head. The Doctor was exhausted but he couldn't sleep as the nausea and restlessness overwhelmed him. He once more regretted his decision to give up the drugs as he was all ready miserable and this was only the beginning.