WARNING: This collection contains OFFENSIVE/SENSITIVE/TRIGGERING stuff. If you feel uncomfortable reading DEATH/ANGST/BAD LANGUAGE, you may stop at any time and not proceed. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Behind the Wrath

He was not sure if he had been waiting for this moment.

Lovino was collecting his equipment at the police station. He was supposed to go on patrolling duty soon. Days ago, the president had imposed a country-wide lockdown lasting until early April, subject to extension if the COVID-19 pandemic situation in Italy did not improve. Orders were briefed to all officers that they were to go around and catch anyone still out in the streets without a good reason. By catch, it meant telling them to go home and stay inside and/or fine those who refused to do so, not arrest, at least not yet.

Lovino could still remember the look his superior sent him discreetly while mentioning their standard operating procedure (SOP). He only returned an equally discreet nod. He was known to have the shortest fuse in the building, who had a knack in losing temper when the situation still had not called for it. The look was not entirely disapproving, but rather more of a civilised plea; the man learned not to hit a ball too hard, lest it bounced back just as forceful. There were no promises if Lovino would reciprocate others' respect, but, make him mad and only wrath could be promised.

Regardless of what he was infamous for, Lovino was not an absolutely uncouth man. When he was not yelling at people, he could dish out savage burns… if and only if he still kept his cool together. After all, he still had his job, so he must have done most things right so far. And today, a young recruit was assigned to him too. On one hand, he felt just a bit smug that he was finally deemed competent enough to guide a newbie, but on the other hand he had not had the experience of training new personnel or being a role model, so he did not know what to feel about that.

After he finished gathering what he needed, he spun around to see the newcomer standing a few steps away, waiting for him. He looked a bit nervous though; he might have heard something about Lovino's temperament from other officers. That, or the daunting task of enforcing the laws of lockdown was weighing down on him. Lovino tried to read out the name on the nametag, "… Giovanni?" The younger man straightened up a bit and replied, "Yes, sir. Reporting for duty, sir."

Alright, that did make him feel like smirking, Lovino had to admit, but he nodded and said without much emotion, "Lovino would do." It felt odd to receive such salutation. He asked, "You got everything you need?" Giovanni nodded. "Good. Let's go." Both men left the office and got to the carpark for one of the police cars.

Lovino was driving down the streets of Rome. It was nearly mid-March, the sun had just set so the temperature was mildly chilly. Normally now was a time for people to have evening strolls with friends, families and pets, or enjoying dinner in the many restaurants and bars in the city. Most tourists normally would not be out at this point, so it was a time for Rome to be reclaimed by the locals in a way. However, the city was anything but lively. The streets were deserted, most shops and businesses were closed, except for certain grocery shops and pharmacies. It was quiet. Too quiet, one might add. Adding the higher risk of infection when going out unnecessarily, surely people would not have an excuse to be out now, right?

That was what Lovino was thinking before he caught some shadows in one of the alleys. He hit the brakes and looked closer. Giovanni curiously followed his line of sight too. In said alley, there was a young couple. They were walking leisurely down the alley, seemingly chatting happily with each other. Lovino sighed. He undid his seatbelt while saying to the man sitting in the shotgun seat, "Time to be a party pooper."

After closing the car door and locked it just in case, Lovino strode over to the unsuspecting couple. He called out, "Hey. Hey! You two!" They turned around in surprise to look at the two police officers. Lovino continued, "Yes, you two. No one else is in this alley. You can't stay out here. Go home." The young man of the couple asked, "What? Why? Did something happen?"

"The whole country is under lockdown now. Everyone must stay at home, haven't you heard the news?" said Lovino, stopping three steps away from the couple. The girl was mildly surprised and said, "Oh… OK… Actually, we had just finished our grocery shopping." Lovino quickly added, "Well, good for you. Now, if you're done, go home. Come on." Seconds later, the couple left hurriedly. They could only assume that they were going home for real.

Soon, the officers hit the road, but had to stop once again outside a minimarket. Three older men were lingering and chatting outside of the shop with a few unopened wine bottles. Lovino and Giovanni went up and dispersed them. "You are standing too close with each other. One metre apart, OK? Actually, go to your homes respectively. Better to have a hangover at home than with three potential drunks out in the streets and having to call for help. Don't waste your call credit."

At around ten at night, both officers were relieved by other colleagues so they could to go home and rest up. Lovino sighed when he locked the door to his flat. He hung up his winter coat and went straight to the bathroom to wash his hands; his younger brother Feliciano would have freaked out otherwise. Speaking of his brother, it had been months since they last met, the last time being Christmas. And then Feliciano was sent to work at a hospital in Milan, one of the places worst affected by COVID-19 in the country. Now, Lovino was lounging on his couch with a nice cup of coffee. He left the television news running in the background as his mind started to wander.

He could still remember Feliciano whining about not wanting to leave him and their grandfather behind the days leading up to his departure; Lovino had to physically dislodge him from his torso, or else it would have snapped under his cobra-like embrace. The fact that their grandfather was acting equally as dramatic was not helping. Eventually Feliciano seemed to have accepted the inevitable and left on schedule, but not without a few tearful hugs and goodbyes.

Sipping on his warm drink, Lovino painted the day Feliciano left the Vargas household in his head. He was still fraught, but seemed more... placid than the previous days. He figured that his brother realised that the pandemic would not be over soon and had decided to face the grim reality. A brief separation now was, after all, better than a permanent farewell. Besides, he could do video calls, even if they lacked that special connection, as he put it. Their grandfather showered them words of encouragement. "You boys made me proud, now go out there and make Italy proud." A miniscule smile crept up Lovino's face. And to think that he used to assume the old man liked Feliciano more.

To mitigate the risk of bringing the coronavirus home and infecting everyone, the siblings moved out. Actually, Lovino already had his own flat unit two years ago, so it was easy for him. Feliciano had to settle down in a new environment alone. Since their grandfather was still in the same city as Lovino, the responsibility of checking up on him naturally fell on his shoulders. Every day on his way to work, Lovino would briefly exchange greetings with his grandfather from the pavement while the latter was at his balcony. He used to have dinners with him whenever he was not on night duty, but with new infection cases blooming all over the country like mushrooms after a rain, they had to halt the family tradition. That also meant Easter plans had to be forgone at this rate.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed. He swore quietly as he almost spilled his coffee. Setting aside his cup, he pulled out his phone and decided to give the caller a piece of his mind. The phone screen showed his brother's name. Great… Lovino sighed again and answered the video call, "Yeah? Feli?"

"Ciao Lovi! Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, sometime earlier. You?"

"Just about to… but my pasta is running out soon…" His brother was as high-strung as ever. Lovino stifled a slap to his forehead as he said, "Just go and buy some…"

"… I can't, my shift starts soon."

Oh, right, his working hours were odd. Lovino only remembered that now. Nevertheless, he replied, "Then buy it after your shift ends." Silence followed after, and Lovino was uncertain what he should say to break it. As usual, Feliciano beat him to it, "How are you doing there? How's grandpa?" Lovino said, "We're fine. He's doing alright. He can't stop talking about you and it's getting annoying." After a few seconds, he added, "And you? Ah, just in case he wants some updates, not that I'm worried or anything…" His voice trailed off in an attempt to hide his concern. He was always bad at portraying his emotions, and subjects like these always turned him into a porcupine.

"It's hard. Patients come to the hospital in droves. They are all sick with the virus." In the next fifteen minutes, Feliciano went on talking about his daily duties, the lack of personal protective equipment (PPE) – especially face masks – and frontline medical workers, the insufficiency of ventilators, and above all, the rising number of COVID patients swamping them all. "I know the lockdown will only show its effects later, but they just keep coming, and we can't save them… And my co-workers fall sick too… People just keep dying…"

At this point, Feliciano's tone got so distressed that Lovino decided to interrupt him for their sanity's sake. "Calm down, Feli, damn it… I know it's tough, but like you said, the effects of the quarantine will only be seen weeks from now. Get a hold of yourself," said Lovino, trying not to snap at his brother. He took a deep breath and continued, "The time will come when we don't have to wear bloody face masks, stay away from one another, and seeing people drop like flies, OK? You need to hang on." Feliciano was quiet for a while, after which he said wearily, "… OK… I'll try."

"Go get some rest after your shift. Pretty sure you need it. And remember to buy pasta." Hopefully mentioning pasta would at least distract him. After a few more goodbyes, the call was over. Sighing for the zillionth time that day, Lovino slumped back onto his couch, faced the ceiling and let the phone slip off his hand and fall next to him. "Goddammit…"

In the following week, Lovino and Giovanni rotated among various duties. They manned checkpoints on the roads and ensured people were out only for valid reasons like work, emergency and/or grocery shopping, and then they patrolled parts of the city. Of course, there were ignorant people who came out to meet up with friends, enjoy the sun, walk their dogs… he could go on for days. Heck, some of the reasons he got was that the person was curious to see how the city in lockdown looked like, or that the person needed the barber to fix their hair at their house, or that they were stocking up on petrol. Lovino, being Lovino, spared nobody as always.

"Can't you see that your dog is so exhausted from walking so much? Cut it some slack, and yours too while you're at it! Stay at home!"

"Why do you even need petrol when you are supposed to stay at home?"

"You are out here taking selfies for social media?! Put some monochrome filter so people will know that you died young. Now go home."

"If your plants can still photosynthesise on your balcony, then you can still enjoy the sun on your balcony. Go home, go home!"

"Do you want me to spell 'stay at home' out to you? What are you, kindergarteners or trees?"

"Miss, the park's closed, take your kids home. You say they need to play? They need to be alive to play."

"Come on, kids, go home. No one needs you to go into midlife crisis right now. Go home!"

"Wear your masks! Damn it, either you wear it, or wear it with the ventilator!"

"Do you think I like yelling at you?! I'll get hypertension from this and it'll be your goddamn fault!"

That was how most days went, with Lovino screaming at ignorant idiots and his mentee being ready to hold him back before all hell broke loose. Their shifts mainly consisted of telling people to go home, wear face masks and practice social distancing. Every time they returned to the police station after their shift, Lovino would sport an expression of a readily eruptive volcano and Giovanni looking more exhausted than he should have been. His superior might have noticed this and suggested for him to take one or two days off to cool down. After contemplation, he agreed and that was the how he was now on his laptop watching online footages of angry Italian mayors roasting and raging at people who went against lockdown rules as well as at the general confusion among government officials regarding the pandemic. It was a cathartic outlet for his frustration (especially the ones with the screaming drones and the flamethrower) and he felt the steam in his system were released somewhat.

His phone buzzed again. He was not planning to take it initially, but finally gave in after ignoring the call for a few rounds. He did not even bother to check the caller and groaned, "Hello? What is it?" There were only sobs coming from the other side, which made Lovino drop his moody tone as he kept quiet and listened on. Quickly, he removed the phone from his ear and looked at the caller's name on the screen; Feliciano. Putting the phone back to his ear, he asked, "Oi, Feli, what's wrong?"

"Lovi… I can't… I can't do this anymore…" sobbed the younger man. Frowning, Lovino probed, "What happened? You OK?" After a few whimpers, Feliciano continued to sob, "People are dying… The patients, my colleagues… Another three nurses… died yesterday… Even my mentor… he's t-tested positive today… I…" That turned into a series of blubbering and Lovino tried to calm him down. "Shh, Feli, listen to me… Take a few deep breaths."

Feliciano did not listen and kept sobbing. "The old man… he d-died right in front of me… I couldn't do anything… Everyone is dying… a-around me… I'm so useless… I'm scared, Lovi…" In the many times Feliciano said he was afraid of anything, Lovino could tell that his fear was genuine this time, and that caused an unsettling sensation in his guts. "Feli…" he started, thinking of something to comfort his brother. "I don't know what to do! It had been two weeks since the lockdown… Many people still g-get infected… they still died… We… we don't have masks anymore… we will soon r-run out of PPE… I cannot save them… We have t-to choose who to save! It's horrible…" This time, Feliciano cried out. Lovino clamped his mouth shut in response, not knowing what to more to say but to listen to his brother cry his eyes out. His words came mixed with sobs again, "…What if grandpa got the virus? Who w-will save him? W-what if you got infected t-too? W-what if… I-I got it too? I'm so scared… I don't w-want… to l-lose you…"

"F-Feliciano Vargas!" barked Lovino; his brother's words perturbed him badly. "Calm the hell down! Shut up, damn it!" That did the trick, and then Lovino realised his own rapid breathing. He took a few deep breaths and simmered down. "Listen, Feli. No one's going to die, OK? You… you did your best, and I'll do my best to keep grandpa safe. If anyone or anything even thinks about getting close to him, I'll kick their sorry butts before the virus does, alright?" Feliciano was still quiet. Lovino added, "I'll take care of myself, but you'd better look after yourself too. Don't make me go over there to do it myself." About ten seconds later, he heard his brother whimper, "OK… I will…" His brother exhaled tiredly and added, "You two take care too… Talk to you soon… Ciao." "Ciao."

He had to admit, he was scared too, but even more so now. It was not just himself who was at stake, but his family. With the situation still out of control and with how some people still lived their lives like the pandemic never existed, it was like watching idiots lighting matches next to stacks of powder kegs. Despite the reassurances his gave Feliciano, Lovino was still disquieted to the core, so much so that he could not sleep that night.

The next day, he was back to work. This time they were to control a small protest against lockdown measures somewhere in the city. With an uncharacteristic stone face, Lovino got to the scene with several other officers. The crowd, consisting of a few bored youths and stubborn senior citizens, was not big, but they did make a big ruckus and now everyone who obediently stayed in their homes were now looking out from their windows and balconies. Waving some half-heartedly written signs about how masks and quarantines sucked, and about freedom (for the wrong reasons), they were shouting at any official figures to take back their orders and return them their liberty.

Giovanni was holding a megaphone while trying to say, "People, go home, please! These are the rules, and we must respect the rules!" Of course, that went ignored, so the poor guy tried again, "You have to listen! Guys, this is serious-" He was cut off when the leader of the protest shouted back with a louder voice. Seeing that this was getting nowhere, Lovino sighed and grabbed the megaphone from his mentee and shouted, "Oi, guys! Listen up! We are trying to contain the pandemic, so follow the rules and go home!" Unfazed, the group was now joined by several others who decided to join in the fray and now they grew so bold that their shouts overpowered Lovino's. "Go ho-" Lovino started, but one of the protesters cut him off, "We have masks on, and nurses and doctors are wearing them too, right? So technically we're safe to be out! Everything will be fine! Screw the lockdown!"

That was it. A landmine had been detonated, and Lovino felt anger boiling through his entire being to the point that he felt lightheaded. With rapid breathing, he tightened his grip around the megaphone handle and bellowed, "You imbecile cretins, shut the hell up!" Everyone, including the officers, visibly flinched at the sheer amplitude as Lovino raged on, "I am a bloody police officer! When I talk, you listen, dammit! You say everything will be fine?! Tell me, you dimwits, how will everything be fine when you pea-brains are out here so close to each other?! How will everything be fine when you can't even wear a face mask correctly?!" He pointed at the one who interrupted him; his face mask did not even cover his nose and mouth entirely.

Lovino continued his onslaught, "Can't you see thousands of people die every day?! People. Are. Dying! And it's all because you can't even sit still in your bloody homes! Don't you know there are tons of asymptomatic carriers out there?! People can spread the bloody virus even without feeling sick! You can infect others and kill them! They will die like fish out of water! Goddammit! How'd you feel if it's your family who dies?!"

At this point, Lovino shoved the megaphone into Giovanni's hands next to him. Stomping up to the crowd, he yelled, "You think your masks will protect you, so you can still come out frolicking like going to your kitchens?! Hospital workers wear them, but they got infected too, you morons! If it is 100% fool-proof, then why do they have still to wear those bloody hazmat suits like astronauts?! If they all get sick, who the hell will save us?! Do you want all of us to get infected?! You irresponsible bastards! You put everyone at risk! And for what?! Because you refuse to follow the rules, you cause other innocent people to die! Because of you nincompoops, we waste a lot of already scarce medical resources! Because of you, nurses and doctors fall sick one by one and many died! Ultimately…"

Suddenly, his voice was stuck in his throat and it was hard to talk without choking. His legs gave way and he slumped down despite having not walked into any obstacles. His body was trembling as he was racked with sobs. Lovino glared at the ground and balled his fists. Slamming his fists onto the cobblestone, he choked, "Because of you bloody imbeciles, they… die… We all… die…"

He held in his sobs and tried to focus on being mad, but what was he mad at now? The person who rudely interrupted him? That he could not even control a crowd? That he showed his vulnerability? That he could not even effectively protect the people mattered most to him, some of whom were fighting to stay alive? He did not know anymore. All he knew was that this coronavirus pandemic was real, the threat was very real, and he was scared of being unable to protect his idiot brother and grandfather, as well as everyone else.

Behind his wrath was an anxious heart that wanted them all to be safe, why could they not see that?