Love Stuck Delusion

Chapter 212 - How does it feel now?

Marcus's POV.

I leaned against the sink and stared at Raptor's clothes which he had laying on the floor of the bathroom. The water was running and I could smell the blood being washed off as the water was the only noise being made in the room. I had to ask him the question. He had to expect it to come as this was the original point of our deal together. Now that it was done I was curious. For I was once in his shoes and I remember how I was after it was done. Keeping my voice down but soft I asked.

"How does it feel now?"

The water stopped the second the question left my mouth. Raptor didn't answer and just got himself the towel he had hanging over the shower door. I looked up and over to see him getting dry through the glass. Once done drying off his head, he wrapped it around his waist and walked through the door to stare right into my eyes as it was clear I was still expecting an answer to that question.

Without moving an inch from where he was he replied.

"I don't know."

This was all too familiar to me. Raptor however went back to drying himself as I told him truthfully.

"When I settled my issues I said the same thing to my master. I didn't know how to feel after getting revenge. It's a lot different settling something that personal; than just evening up a score with the enemy. I didn't know what to feel after. In fact I remember being just angry. Mainly because I didn't understand why I wasn't happy. You think you would be after it was all over right?" I asked him as he by this time had stopped to look back at me. I just looked back to the bloody clothes as he stared.

"I'm not going to lie to you Raptor. I consider you a friend by this point and I want you to understand from someone who was once in your exact place, that it won't be easy going forward with yourself. It takes time. You won't find happiness in revenge like you think and you'll probably just be more upset that you don't understand why all the pieces just don't fit into place. You can't let that consume you from this point on. You need to look forward and find another reason to keep on going. It took me years, but I did and you will too."

I'm sure he knew I wasn't lying or trying to trick him with all these fancy sentences. I'm never this honest or this emotional with what I say. I was concerned because I cared. That was the fact of it. Looking up to him once more I urged him.

"Try not to take your anger out on the people around you. For they are only there to help. They can't begin to understand the pain but you can't fault them either. You hear me?"

The hedgehog wasn't giving me any signs of internal struggle or anger. He was listening and that's what I wanted. Giving him a smile I urged him while leaning off the sink.

"Just do your best to relax and focus on something else now. You'll find out just how clear your mind is now that you're free of that burden. Make a change with it."

He nodded and trying my best to change the subject I asked him.

"You want to hang out tonight? It would be nice to have another drink."

Letting out a small sigh he replied.

"I have to talk to Pierce here soon and I'm sure once Raze gets here she will want to hang out with me as much as she can. That includes the two sisters who I probably scared to death with that display. I can't account for a time I'll be alone."

"We don't have to be." I told him as he gave me this confused look to question.

"What?"

I still smiled but calmly I stated.

"They know about me right? I mean I assume by now you mentioned me once or twice to them. I'm sure they won't be surprised."

Giving me this almost stunned look now Raptor replied.

"They'd be fucking lost if they met you Marcus. Unlike me they have some sanity left. I'm sure deep down somewhere they still think I'm crazy."

"You really think so after everything you've done in front of them? You think they somehow think they are crazy and this is just all bullshit you're somehow doing? Come on now, I'm sure they believe everything you say."

"That doesn't mean you have to expose yourself. I thought you wanted to keep a low profile? Isn't it bad if you just start showing off to everyone?"

Offering him a comb which was sitting right on top of the sink, Raptor took it as I continued to smile. Starting to do his quills I replied.

"It's not like I'm announcing it to the world if I do Raptor. They already know too much. Enough to get them killed by the others and no offense but chances are they are all going to die in the end. So regardless of what happens it won't matter. They will expire at some point and you can't stop that. So long as they don't record anything; it won't do any harm."

"You'll just destroy any sense they have left of a sane world existing."

I began to laugh as he then asked.

"Who are the others? You mentioned something like that once before."

I wanted to avoid talking about this right now, so ignoring the question I told him while beginning to phase out.

"I got somewhere to be. We can talk later."

Raptor's POV.

That son of a bitch left as soon as I asked the question and I wanted to know the answer. There had to be more to this. Something I wasn't ready to either hear or understand in his eyes I guess. So doing my best to refocus, I got my pants and proceeded to gather up the rest of my clothes. After which I opened the door to the bathroom and began the small walk back to my room. Once there I got off my pants once again and found myself a new pair in due time. Then I put on another plain tee shirt and made sure I was ready to continue what I had left to do. As I got finished I heard the door downstairs open and I could sense Pierce had just walked in. From there I took my time and made my way downstairs to greet him at the door where Juper had him waiting. Our eyes locked and it was clear to me he was concerned about what happened back in the house. I didn't want to talk to him about it and it wasn't his place to get involved any further. Blitz had been on the couch the whole time, so with Pepper and Zeta both walking into the nearby living room to join him and see myself locking eyes with the Captain, I asked him.

"Where are the others?"

Keeping direct Pierce replied.

"They're coming. Tusk still isn't moving all that good on his own so they're taking their time."

I nodded and I could sense the fox herself rushing to come. I didn't want to get involved with her just yet so I urged Pierce who waited for my next sentence to come.

"Let's go into the kitchen for a moment Captain. Juper you keep Raze at the door here till we're done. Blitz, you can help Tusk up to the guest room where he can rest. You two don't say a word to her till then understood?" I directed now to Pepper and Zeta who just nodded and went to sit down.

Pierce remained silent but followed. Juper was clearly unsure of what to say but remained where he was as I led the wolf into the kitchen. By the time we got there and began to sit around the kitchen table, I heard Raze and Tusk entering the house. She was confused by what was going on but that wasn't my concern, and no surprise but she instantly started screaming at Pepper who I bet she hasn't seen for a long time. I'm sure that had to be a good reunion I would have to miss. However with Pierce remaining the solid soldier I knew him to be, I told him calmly but with appreciation.

"I want to say this truthfully to you. You did well by standing by me through this. Your men I owe my life and that goes for you too."

Pierce nodded but kept quiet as I went on.

"But now that it's over I want you to leave. You and your men are family and with all the others here now I won't need you or your men risking anymore then you already have. You each have duties and families to attend to. I will not ask anymore of you, but I don't want us to end on a bad note. I know what I did to Gorgon may strike you as monstrous or evil, but that does not reflect my intentions now that it's been done. I want you to know I owe you, but again I want you to collect yourselves and head home. Okay?"

Pierce took a moment to think. I knew what he was thinking and listened as he replied.

"Okay. I understand and you are right. My men all have families and I don't want them to risk anymore than they have too. I'll get in contact with Hecan and set up the extraction. Shouldn't be long till we're able to head back home."

"Thank you. Again." I told him.

I nodded to myself shortly after and in all honesty it was all I had left to say to him. I just wanted to tell him personally how I felt. It was clear he understood, so I slowly stood back up from the table and proceeded to walk back into the living room where everyone else was waiting. Raze, who was waiting next to Juper, quickly asked me in a happy voice.

"How are you doing Raptor?"

I ignored the girl and gave full attention to Juper who took my hand as I offered it forward. Shaking it tightly I told him directly as Pierce came to the door to get it open.

"Thank you for all you have done Lieutenant. I hope one day we can see each other again. Under better conditions."

Juper was somewhat confused and looked to Pierce who just nodded his head to urge him to go along with the conversation. Tusk however was now here and Blitz made it his job to guide him somewhere a bit more comfortable. Cody would have to make space up in the guest room now, but the focus was still Juper as he began shaking my hand to reply with a smile.

"I'd like that Commander. Maybe once this shit is all over I'll head back here to see you. You stay safe."

I nodded and released his hand and watched with locked eyes to Pierce as they left my home. I kept on looking up till they got in the car. From there I shut the door to let out a sigh. The sudden change had the girls all on their feet looking to me as I for a second questioned what to do now. Marcus was right about that. I wasn't all too sure.

"Raptor?" I heard Zeta say as Raze reached out to touch me. I didn't want the comfort so I just focused on my power and forced her touch to go right through me. The fox jumped the second it happened and from there I turned around to urge her.

"Don't touch me."

Raze was absolutely stunned as I took my chance to walk on by. My plan was to go back to the basement and as I made my path clear Zeta tried to intercept me. I kept my focus and as she got in front of me I just simply passed through her body. I didn't even bother to use the door as she shouted.

"Hey!"

Once on my way down the stairs I decided to get a drink. I knew I had time to think and without Marcus here I might have time to come up with my next idea. Pulling out my phone and resting it on the counter to the small bar as I came up to sit down at one of the two seats, I took a moment to think. With a message from Char on my home screen, I looked at it to read that Jenny got out of the city safe last night. That was enough to bring me some happiness knowing I didn't get her killed. I thanked him back accordingly but juggled to begin my next move. I had to think this over. I had no clue what to do now. I needed to retake Iraq from the rebellion and Ying but at the same time I needed to get the city up in arms to help me. I'm sure most of them were already ready to help but I needed to make myself more public. Hiding isn't going to start a revolution, but again I'd be risking a lot starting fights with my own men. In the end I was overwhelmed with the thought of having to figure something this big out. Maybe what Hecan said he wanted me to do was truly the only way of going about it, but I wanted to believe that wasn't true. I knew I could do this, but I needed to figure out how.

Going around the side of the small bar to grab myself a bottle of whiskey, I soon had a small shot glass up and filled for me to enjoy. It didn't take long for me to fire off the shot and start another. Once ready for the second I remembered Dr. Clamer. He told him I'd come by tonight to talk to him. I'm sure he wanted me to and I planned on at least keeping that going. I just struggled on the time as to when I would go.

"Ahhhhh fuck." I whispered to myself as I dedicated my next shot to Alicia and the kids. Hopefully they could rest happy knowing Gorgon and his men went to hell. Or maybe not cause they saw what I did after. At this point I honestly didn't know nor really care of the outcome. The truth is it was now done and I could focus on something other than that. Marcus made a lot of sense by saying that, but he also made me question myself now. What was my goal? I was working hard to get revenge and I feel like the rebellion got put to the side because of it. Was I really ready to go back and do this again? I wondered as I slammed the shot down and wiped my mouth to hear the door upstairs open. Letting out another sigh as I heard feet coming down the stairs, I looked left and soon watched as Zeta and her sister came down to look for me. I just remained quiet and got another shot ready and in due time Pepper noticed I was under the stairs to state.

"There you are. What are you doing now?" Her question came without warning as her and Zeta approached the counter to look at what I was doing. As I poured my third shot, the eager of the two wolves grabbed my glass and gave it a sniff. My eyes gave her this curious like and not to my surprise Pepper took it down for me in less then a second. Zeta chuckled seeing my reaction to my drink being stolen and as she put down the glass I asked.

"So?"

Smacking her lips she replied.

"Smokey, but good. Care to pour another round?"

Looking to Zeta I wondered.

"You want one?"

She nodded and with that I got two more ready to go and once I had my own did Zeta raise her glass to toast.

"For a better tomorrow now that the bullshit is done and over with."

I chuckled as Pepper added.

"For just being alive."

Then they both looked back to me as I just awkwardly began to look down at the counter. Lowering their shots Zeta asked in concern.

"What's wrong Raptor?"

"Nothing." I replied as I raised back up my glass to gently tap theirs. The girls knew something was wrong with me but didn't push it any further as I took my shot and began to walk around the bar. Before I could pass Zeta reached out to grab my arm. I stopped to look back at her as she begged me.

"Talk to me. Are you okay?"

Giving her a small sigh I replied.

"No."

She held me there to then urge me.

"You can't bottle it up. We don't want you feeling a type of way now that it's over. If you need something please just say something. We aren't going to judge you and despite what you may be feeling or thinking, we aren't mad at what you did. A little overwhelmed by it, but we understand why you did what you did back there."

Shaking my head after a few seconds of giving her this stare I replied.

"No…...you don't understand anything I do. You can't begin to understand what I do and why I do it. You're not capable of learning how to be a monster. You're too young and you never had to grow up in this kind of place. Don't try and pretend. You want to help? Then just let me go before I have to do it myself."

Zeta was honestly unsure on how to react to that now that I had said it. Slowly she let me go and I walked on over to the couch to sit down. The girls remained at the bar but it took some time for Zeta to look away from me. I understood she cared but I had no intention of talking about my feelings right now. She wasn't able to understand me and that's not her fault. I'm grateful she is concerned but Marcus was right. I don't know how to talk about it. Not yet anyway.

After some time and a few more shots, the girls began to just relax and it was no surprise when Raze came down to join us. By now I was laid out on the couch and I had my mind at ease just trying to focus on retaining some sense of control over my powers. I wanted to relax and clearly she wasn't aware as she came walking over to where I was. Unsure of what to say, Zeta urged her carefully.

"Let him rest Raze. Come over here and do a shot with us."

The fox I could feel had some problems with leaving me alone. She was more concerned with how my powers had developed since we last saw one another. But regardless she left my side to head on over to the bar where she immediately shouted with a high pitch voice.

"I still can't believe you're here! How's your arm!?"

I heard the wolf in question chuckle and I'm sure they hugged or something not soon after. Keeping to the conversation as I felt myself drifting I heard Pepper reply.

"It's good Raze. Nice to see you're still as energetic as ever."

"Can I see?" She then asked as Pepper laughed and replied.

"Hell no. Not letting you touch me after last time."

"Oh come on! It was an accident! Zeta, tell her I didn't mean it!"

"Not my problem babe. You're the one who did it. You live with the consequences now. Haha."

The girls went on laughing as everything in my world went dark.

mT Shadow.