Quick Note: I don't want to lead anyone on with Mattie's paternity-she is biologically Cormac's daughter. The next few chapters will give more insight into how all that went down. Sorry, please don't grab up the pitchforks!

Alex stretched his neck as he placed his tablet back on the charger, deciding it was time to head to Meredith's. Part of him had been avoiding going "home" because being back there made it more apparent at how far he had fallen. It felt like starting over for the bazillionth time. And seeing Meredith taking care of Zola, Bailey and especially Ellis made him miss his own kids tremendously.

He had face timed with Eli earlier while Alexis was in dance class, but it just wasn't the same and made him long for them even more. He was so anxious to see them this weekend and had spent a good bit of his afternoon researching things to do in Seattle with a pair of ten year olds. He was really hoping Meredith would want to come along and maybe plan the day for him since he had always depended on Izzie to make the arrangements when they visited Seattle before, but now she was too consumed with caring for Robbie to help him come up with ideas. He definitely didn't want his first weekend with them since their move to be a bust.

He found himself wandering over one last time to look in on Mattie and Jo knowing it was not necessary. Even though he was sure the feeling was not reciprocated at all, he still worried about her and her well-being and that now extended to her kids. He just hadn't been able to help himself throughout the day sneaking little check-ins which largely went unnoticed. Jo was so involved with Mattie most of the time he believed that she would have missed everything less than a dump truck driving through the wall.

He stepped to the threshold of the room and leaned on the doorway for a brief moment as he studied Mattie's vitals and fluids. His attention then turned to Jo, who was curled in the fetal position in the hospital visitor fold out bed. Her hand was resting on Mattie's bed almost as if she had reached out for her daughter in her sleep. The throw that had been on her was gathered around her calves. Alex considered for a moment before quietly walking into the room, planning to straighten the blanket and drape it back over her. However, as soon as he touched a corner of the fabric, Jo bolted up straight causing him to take couple steps back in surprise, "What is it? What's wrong?" Alex stared blankly at her frantic state, Jo immediately jumping up, becoming off balance quickly at the sudden movement. Alex was immediately at her side reaching out to grab her arm in an attempt to keep her from falling, "What happened?"

The franticness of her voice broke his heart, "Hey, hey everything's fine, Jo. Look at her she's sleeping soundly. Everything's fine."

Jo looked down at her daughter, her chest still heaving in distress, "You're sure?"

"Yeah."

She looked at him with eyes full of fear as she reached up to massage her chest, her voice cracking under the distress, her eyes pleading, "You swear?"

Alex felt almost foolish, "Look, I was coming in to check on you two before I left for the night and saw your blanket….I was just trying to cover you back up."

The sound of the second hand of the clock slowly ticking away seemed to echo in the room as she stared at him incredulously, "You were what?"

Alex shrugged while giving a tight lipped grin, "You looked cold."

Jo looked back at Mattie while still rubbing her chest with her fingers, "Would you do that with other mothers on the floor?"

Alex narrowed his eyes in confusion, "No."

She then turned to look at him directly, a chill coming over the room as she glared, "Then you don't do it in here."

His head tilted in the side as he tried to reason with her, "Jo, come on. I didn't mean anything by it. You looked cold and I just wanted to help. I didn't think it would startle you, you were such a heavy sleeper those last few years I…." His voice trailed off as he was unsure how to finish the thought.

"Yeah when I felt…." She sighed as she gathered the blanket up and started to settle back in the chair, "I've changed Alex. That was before I was a mother and it's even worse now being the mother of a sick child." She looked up at him wearily, "I'm sorry I freaked you out, I just….thank you, but I need you to treat me like any other parent out here. I need you to treat me like the stranger that I am."

Her words cut into him deeply, his voice coming out soft, "Jo, you're not…you could never be a stranger to me."

Jo opened her mouth to speak before shutting it and looking out the window at the Seattle skyline. Alex watched her carefully, trying to read her thoughts that seemed to be weighing her down. When she finally spoke, her voice sounded on the cusp of breaking and was so soft he had to strain to hear her, "When you left…I realized I didn't really know you at all." She then turned to look at him, "The Alex I thought I married would have never done that to me or anyone else for that matter. So you were a stranger to me from the moment you started ignoring my texts and calls."

Hearing her describe her side of what he had done hurt him worse than he was expecting. He wanted to defend himself, but couldn't bring himself to. He shook his head slightly, his voice matching hers, "Jo…."

"Alex, if you ended up being a stranger to me then I in turn had to have been to be a stranger to you. There's just no other way for me to make sense of what happened. Otherwise it hurts too much."

Alex narrowed his eyes, trying to make sense of what she was saying but could not decipher what she was trying to tell him, "Before when you said you were a deep sleeper when you were with me because you felt, what?"

Jo wet her lips and looked out the window, seemingly trying to keep from crying, "I felt safe." She looked back at him, her nose curling slightly as she fought off tears, "Sometimes I still try to remember that and remember us that way: lying in bed with you holding me tight and me feeling like nothing bad would ever happen. That I was the safest that I had ever felt. The most understood…the most loved." She took in a deep breath as a single tear fell from her cheek, "That's how I want to remember those years with you. In a warm cocoon of safety while feeling so sheltered and cherished."

Alex felt himself getting more upset with every word, trying to decide what to say to her to provide some comfort, "Because you were, Jo. I thought I explained that…"

"Stop," she interjected as harshly as she could manage while still keeping her voice low, "Don't you dare fucking gaslight me right now. That wasn't love. Listening to my tearful messages on your voicemail while lying in your ex-wife's bed soaking in afterglow is not love. Sending a letter telling me….." She shook her head angrily as she wiped another tear from her eye, "Screw you."

He felt more and more of his heart crumble at seeing just how badly he had hurt her. He looked at the floor, suddenly unable to meet her eyes, "Oh Jo I never meant to…I'm so sorry."

"You seem surprised." At this he glanced up to meet her look of disbelief, "Are you surprised I was so hurt when I realized you didn't ever really and truly love me? Or is it that I heard about you screwing Izzie while I was going insane worrying about you? Cause that…" She started to laugh, "that's a great story. I heard about it during a surgery. Five hours I had to stay in that room as that info hung in the air because this place is a gossip machine." She sat for a moment just staring at him before her smile disappeared, "Or are you surprised that I'm actually saying all of this to you and not acting as if everything's fine to spare your feelings? I guess it could be a combo though, right?"

"You have changed," was all he could manage.

Jo nodded, her lips pressed together in anger, "I have." She glanced over to make sure Mattie was still asleep, "You started it and life since you left has just finished the job."

Alex stood in silence, unsure of what to say before he started to back slowly out of the room, his voice quiet and full of remorse, "I'm sorry I startled you….and for everything else." He glanced up to see Jo looking at him almost regretfully, but decided to turn and walk away before anything else could be said.