My Isekai Fantasy Adventure Is Horrifying, Unexpectedly
Oregairu belongs to Wataru Watari and ReZERO belongs to Tappei Nagatsuki! Please check out their work before my own, okay?
Author's Note:
Honestly, I was surprised by the popularity! I was planning on adding a bit more of the Oregairu side in a redux of Chapter 1 but after several failed attempts; I decided against such measures (and secondly FUCK Grammarly!). Expect some OC background for some minor characters! Don't kill me for it!
In this chapter, Hachiman freaks out over his FIRST death, he won't have a huge freakout for a while after this though.
Everyone be simping for Rem, but I am solidly Satella-gang. I like Rem as a character; just a lot of the toxic fandom and more toxic fics about it ruined the idea of Subaru and Rem. As for Rem in this fic? Hmmm?
Chapter 2: My 'Return By Death' is Unpleasant, as I expected
Death
The end to life. The final destination in the journey of a lifetime. Last stop on the train of the living, you get the drill. The very nature and concept of death are so immersed in religion, science, and philosophy that a mere cynical loner who excelled in specifically Japanese Literature cannot even begin to describe this concept properly. I am no Yukinoshita: Master of the Ojou-gan, who has mastered over a thousand subjects!
But since, for better or worse, I am the narrator; I shall take a shot nonetheless.
Death is one of the few things that unites everyone regardless of gender, sexuality, race, nationality, and pretty much everything else. The grim specter of death is one that everyone will meet, from grandma to baby, from riajuu to loner. One could spend hours debating over the philosophy and religion of death; whether we go to some afterlife after death, whether we reincarnate, perhaps both? Or is it simply oblivion, does our consciousness cease to be? Is death not just the 'next great adventure' Dumbledore-sensei?!
But I shall delegate these topics to more suitable people (i.e: Yukinoshita). As a self-proclaimed examiner of all social creatures from my birds' eye view of a subject that I shall never properly be apart of (don't look so pityingly at me!), I am far more confounded by how death appears to shape life.
Here are the two prominent examples that I have spent years observing; the riajuu and the loner. Like Ying and Yang, these two social strata are absolute anathemas to one another as different as night is today, but neither can exist without the other!
The riajuu lives in ignorance, either being in a blissful state of involuntary ignorance to never think about something as abstract as the realm of Thanatos while others voluntarily ignore their inevitable end. With their content lifestyles, the riajuu can enter a form of 'super-concentration' to avoid even processing the thought of death should no near-death experience phase them. Due to this, death is a distant revenant that the riajuu need not concern itself with until their final days in this mortal coil.
We, the loners, have no such luxury. Loners have no casual acquaintances to laugh off the dark thoughts that lay in our minds. Loners have no close friends to converse with about the way the shadows seem to be watching our every move and whisper sweet nothings in the dead of night. Loners can only look at Death in the eye and stare back or look away in trepidation.
When one discusses Death, Life goes hand in hand. Our lives are miserable, both from our actions and those of others (I will not deny our role in our misery). Whatever our beliefs and fears about death are, all living creatures can profess that same certainty that death is the end of an Adventure.
Perhaps this is why, after my heinous demise, I found myself shocked to be very much alive and very much at my point of teleportation into this world. I almost dropped the MAXX coffee that I was holding in my hand in shock, but even during a mental breakdown, such blasphemy is unthinkable!
I would like to say that I handled my [Return by Death] (as I have deigned to dub this phenomenon after using my trope processing power] with dignity, grace, and that classic nonchalant attitude of a generic protagonist. That would be a lie. The realization of what happened messed with my mind in strange ways. Before my 'death', this was just some mildly amusing if deeply troubling isekai. After seeing that carnage, after having my stomach ripped out, after having my bumbling sacrifice to save 'Satella' mean nothing whatsoever, and worst of all was that woman and her gentle, warm smile as if she was gazing at her high school sweetheart.
Terror
The next few minutes were a blur, my mind was a mess and my eyes were teary. Somehow I had stumbled out of the crowded street and into a small alleyway (interestingly enough, near the place where I had been lying to meet my death by being trampled by giant lizards). Then came the puking.
As I emptied my guts onto the stone floors of the alley, my mind was disconnected from my body as I pondered my situation for the first time. This was likely some bodily reaction to having my stomach extricated. As I slowly came to terms with my unique situation, the other voices in the alleyway became clear.
"I don't feel too good about robbing a sick dude, look at his eyes!" The first voice whispered harshly, "It must be terminal or something!" Please, author-san, stop going for the eyes! It will get old! Eventually!
"Ugh, you alright, sir?" Well, I'd managed to stop spewing vomit, so small mercies?
"Do you need a healer?" I feel like this more of a mental problem, but I have more important- "I could take you to Old Man Rom, he might know someone who can help!"
Rom...wasn't that the guy who was in charge of that loothouse?
That horrible, maliceless smile was worse than anything I had-
Calm yourself and find inner peace, for it is the way of the Force Hachiman! In response to terrifying stimuli, I did the only thing I could. Push it down.
I could just leave; there was no need for me to risk life and limb for some stranger who I likely hadn't even met yet (time travel death is a rather weird concept). Sadly, Hikigaya Hachiman was not that kind of person.
For all my pessimism and cynicism, I knew that I was a hypocritical, self-sacrificing bastard. That girl, Satella, was someone who I said I would protect, but she died on my watch. By itself, this was more than enough reason to do something.
I had a question, after all.
'Why?'
A burning, insatiable curiosity thrived in my cold, loner heart with a heat that I could never truly remember having felt before. What kind of person could do something so horrible and give such a genuine smile. A smile that was more genuine than Yukinoshita asking me to save her. A smile that was more genuine than even Yuigahama's was an enigma on its' own but when it was on the face of a murderer was terrifying.
It went against everything that I held dear in the shattered remains of my younger, naive self. If even genuine emotion was not pure and untainted, what was?
Shaking my head, I put my hand on the side of the alley and pulled myself up, and looked at the trio of criminals, all of who gazed back cautiously.
"I would greatly appreciate that." And then, I fell. As my vision faded and my mind blurred; a faint whispering made itself prevalent in the back of my mind, whispering sweet nothings of love and possession into my ears. That was going to be a problem soon, wasn't it?
0 Chin 0
They were terrible thieves. It was not an opinion, but a simple fact. The sky was blue, the roses were red, and they sucked at their job.
Chin was part of the nobility once upon a time; his life had always been cushy despite his family's relatively low wealth. Once the House had collapsed, he was alone. By luck or perhaps divine intervention, Rom had recruited him when he was inches from the cold hands of death. Despite their intimidating looks, the trio of wannabe criminals didn't have the spine to do what was necessary to make a living. They tended to rob easy marks through intimidation, as a rule of thumb.
The guy with the freaky eyes had seemed like one until he had begun vomiting in the alleyway, the amount and voracity were enough for his concern for this poor man's health to become an issue. Was this guy terminally ill? Thus when he had so politely asked for help, Ton and Kan had agreed to bring him to the Old Man.
Currently, we were waiting at a small alcove off the road to the inner slums trying to wake our mystery charity case up. Damn, Felt was right about how much we sucked, huh?
"Uggggh," The man with the fish eyes groaned as he finally woke up from Kan's incessant slapping, " Komachi, didn't I already tell you that slapping me awake is not high in points?" Komachi? Points? What was this guy blabbering on about?
"Hey dumbass, my name isn't Koma-chee, okay fuck-face," the smallest of the group growled, "Now get up or we'll leave your sorry ass in this ditch!" Kan's rude awakening served to full awake our tagalong who blinked the dreariness out of his eyes. Seriously, what was wrong with his eyes? Did a Witch Beast slap its' eyes inside his skull or something?
"In the name of good manners, I will introduce us to you," Chin coughed to clear his parched throat as we rested in the small dirt opening beneath the empty road above, "The big one is Ton, I'm Chin, and the little guy is Kan."
"I'm not little you shitty bastard," Kan was strangely adorable when mad, likely due to his diminutive stature.
"That is an unfortunate name combination," The guy muttered, gazing from Ton to Chin, and Kan.
"What?!" Chin's grip on his knife became tighter, as much of a wimp as he was; even he couldn't stomach the thought of losing face in front of a guy they fished out of an alley from his vomit.
"In my...homeland, tonchinkan means irrelevant or inconsistent," The guy chuckled slightly, "Ironic considering how you guys helped me out and all. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman, first name Hachiman and last name Hikigaya."
Chin narrowed his eyes as he examined their temporary associate. His education has been one of his highpoints, as a member of a noble family that specialized in trade, he recognized the unique style of the name as oddly familiar.
"Are you from Kararagi?" The accent was a bit off, but the casual attitude matched what his studies had indicated about the people of Kararagi.
Hachiman looked up at the ceiling with a curious expression before shrugging.
"Honestly, I can't even remember anything before I was in that alleyway except for my name and a couple of images," He shrugged nonchalantly, "So maybe?"
Chin and Kan stared at him with blank faces while even the stoic Ton lifted an eyebrow. As Kan began to berate Hachiman, Chin found himself smiling slightly as the guard patrol slipped past and into the distance. Chin personally didn't care if he remembers who he was or not, they were just giving a helping hand to another jaded victim of the corrupt government. Still, the ex-noble couldn't help but snicker at the banter between Kan and Hikigaya. If he closed his eyes and focused, he could almost pretend that everything he had lost that night was still here. Even if took him decades years of thievery, he swore on his family's grave. No matter what else happened, he would see that accursed blonde witch cultist die.
0 Hikigaya Hachiman 0
The trio that I had decided to manipulate was an odd bunch. For starters, they were terrible at being criminals. They really should've just taken my stuff and run, but beating up someone who was vomiting out their internal organs was outside their moral code. It was frighteningly obvious why they were still poor with this kind of attitude.
Their names were hilarious as well; if this were a light novel this would likely be a joke about how they were minor characters, but my first 'run' had taught me that this wasn't some happy go lucky harem fantasy power trip. I couldn't depend on tropes that may or may not occur. Unfortunately, the Gods of Isekai Fantasy appear to enjoy my suffering even more than the Gods of Romantic Comedy ever did. Upgrades people, upgrades! My memory concerning the events of my transportation to this new World was hazy as if having the power to suck at dying wasn't bad enough.
Something strange was afoot here. Several questions were worth considering in my situation. Was anyone else transported alongside me? Did they all gain this [Return by Death]? Or did they each develop a unique ability? My money would be on the latter. There was a disturbing connection to the concept of [Return by Death] and my suicidal sacrificial tendencies. If there was ever a power that was more suited to me, then I certainly couldn't think of it. My memories end at my last official week in the Service Club, Hirtasuka had been sick (likely hungover from binge drinking, but alcoholism is considered a disease in many circles).
My thoughts on my predicament were rudely interrupted by Lord of Edge, Chin, it's funny because he uses dual knives...heh.
"You seem a lot better now…" I, Hikigaya Hachiman, had not planned this well at all. Now that I was apparently in tip-top shape there was no reason for them to feel bad about simply turning me into a work of modern art and taking my stuff.
"W-well, just 'cause he seems okay now doesn't mean he is better, right Ton?" The giant of a man nodded solemnly in agreement at Kan's words. Kan, are you a tsundere? I'm sorry, while my heart skipped a beat right then, the only man who may take me is Totsuka! Damn, I've been spending too much time around my sly underclassmen huh?
"Fine, fine," Chin responded dismissively, come on man! I thought we bonded! Loners need to stick together! Wait, loners sticking together would make them inherently not loners, thus causing my philosophy to tear itself apart. We live in troubled times where loners are turning on loners! What next, sweet little sisters turning on their doting big brothers? If that became the case then this week would have officially gone too far.
"So you remember nothin' eh, fuckface?" Kan asked, curiously. Fuckface? Was that my nickname now? I thought it couldn't get worse than Hikitani, but apparently, the Gods of Isekai Fantasy are a special kind of cruel; they might even be Greek [1].
"Bits and pieces mostly, fragments of things; I know I had a sister, parents, couple of friends…" I drawled on.
"What about a girlfri-" Kan looked me over once before snorting, "Nevermind, no need ta ask!" Nice attempt shitstain, perhaps if this was proto-gaya you may have won, but I have spent years being hardened by cruel jeers and jabs from others, I have endured the subzero icicles of pinpoint precision that are every word Yukinoshita has ever said to me, I have survived interacting with Zaimokuza, I have even weathered being annihilated by Yuigahama's accidental nuclear strikes of airheadedness. Compared to those monsters, you are small fry...heh, literally.
"I have a better chance then you at least, I mean anyone who dates you would likely be arrested constantly for pedophilia," We have met the enemy and they are ours! [2] Kan turned a brilliant shade of red, spluttering curses that would send chills up the spines of veteran sailors. I doubt I was even flexible enough to do half the things he suggested. He attacked back with stuttering accusations on my eyes and my sexual orientation, I responded by attacking his physical stature and continued to make jokes on his childlike stature. Low hanging fruit was just too tempting to ignore!
After our little icebreaker, the conversations began to flow more and more fluidly. Possibly also because we were outside the heavily patrolled areas of the Capital and in the slums as well. Old, worn out buildings and dirt roads (sometimes more like dirt outlines) and the stench of decay (a smell that I had become intim-no, don't think about that!).
"So anything important I should know, social landmines to avoid?" I gesture to my head, "Amnesiac and all?"
Chin thought on it for a moment, looking at Kan for a few seconds as we transversed the surprisingly open area of the slums to the loothouse. The same path that 'Satella' and I had taken in my last...anyway, I watched them debating something.
"Avoid threatening Felt, she's like a grand-daughters to him, don't be an arrogant jackass would be the big one for you, also don't try to sucker Rom; he's been in this business long enough to see through that sorta thing," Chin's eyes flashed, "Also, don't mention the fuckin' Witch and you'll be good, Rom is a superstitious bastard if I've ever met one before."
Finally, some good intel! I noted the shiver of fear that passed through Kan and the sweat on Ton as the large man glanced around at the empty fields. Who was she, Babba Yaga?
"The Witch?" Chin looked around nervously.
"The Witch of Envy, the Half-Elf Witch, the One that swallowed half the fuckin' planet with her Shadows before bein' sealed by the Sword Saint, the Sage, and the Dragon in the Evil Sealing Stone." Talk about an exposition dump, I didn't understand most of that stuff but there would be more time reading up on local history once I managed to keep my intestines inside my body.
"Is that a myth or…" Chin shook his head
"It's a historical fact, though some of the youngins are a bit less believing in the ferocity of the Witch," mutter Kan before he snorted again (what a little pig), "Though there are still some big ol' human monsters nowadays too, like that Sword Saint guy everyone's been talkin' about."
As I was about to inquire more about the Sword Saint, Chin raised his hand and stopped everyone in their tracks.
"We're here."
And here we were again. This hellhole where I had learned that everything from Anatomy and Physiology was actually and rather painful. The place where I had...the bodies…
"Awww, he's gettin' worse again," Kan groaned, "Don't vomit on Rom or anythin', we've already made ourselves outta be idiots with missing all the quotas!"
Nodding grimly, I stepped forward and entered the building. It took all the effort that I had managed to hold onto with my hidden skill, to not spew out chunks at seeing the people inside. The blonde girl (cut in half, and laying in her blood like an angel cut down from the heavens) and a massive man (laying on the side of the wall, stabbed through the throat) were conversing.
"If it isn't the Three Idiots!" The Blonde Loli shouted, smirking. She had a surprising resemblance to Komachi (and that made the daymares SOOO much worse) with her little fang, short hair, and teasing attitude. Another person whose life depended on me making the right decisions, no pressure right? "Ya know you're supposed to ROB the fuckin' idiots, not adopt them right?"
"Felt, don't make bad first impressions," The older man was gentle in his scolding as he welcomed us in, "Ignore her, she's just cranky right now; puberty and all." The girl squawked in outrage, turning a brilliant crimson as she started punching the giant's arm.
Girls were never not cranky. In high school, men; riajuu, and loner alike, were merely at their whims at every moment of every minute of every day. Girls lived in a perpetual state of crankiness and simply alternated between different levels that differed from girl to girl. The worst-case scenario was that they end up having a failed love life and end up reaching crankiness levels over 9000.
"So what's with the kid?" Rom gestured to me as we all took a seat on the bar stools. Before they could start (I suspected at this point they knew I wanted something more than medical help from this place, or at least Chin did...he was a bit too clever after all).
"I'd like to buy that insignia off of you!" Perhaps there was a better solution, I reasoned as both of them shot up and watched me suspiciously.
"Way to fucking go, fuckface." Kan groaned, and I must admit that I had a very similar internal conversation with myself.
My [Return by Death] is unpleasant, as expected.
Glossary:
[1] - The Greek Gods have a long tendency of cruel and unusual punishments; Prometheus got his liver scratched out by an eagle every day (it regenerated each time), Tantalus was always slightly away from sustenance, Damocles and his sword, etcetera.
[2] - A quote from a War of 1812 War Hero, Oliver Hazard Perry who managed to capture a superior British naval force in the Great Lakes region.
Author's Note: Yahello! Anyway, this chapter might get taken down soon and refurbished but for now, I want to send this out! I have officially decided to discontinue Fate: Fang of Zero (Bleach power levels and stuff just don't click to me) if someone wants to adopt that, send me a PM. The next update will be the redone version of this chapter or Fate: Zero Hair or I might unveil my replacement for Fate: Fang of Zero (not a crossover, just a pure Oregairu fic). Sorry for the inconvenience!
I know that Ton, Kan, and Chin got a lot more spotlight in this (but they were kind of OOC since we know so little about them!) but I wanted things to be somewhat different from ReZero! Anyway, hopefully, I don't have to scrap the WHOLE chapter depending on the reviews...here is to hoping?
Please remember to review! Constructive Criticism and compliments are always welcomed; flames are for losers. Please don't be a loser.