So sorry it took so long to update! I promise I'm not going to abandon this story, I just haven't had as much time to write and have been lacking a bit of inspiration when I do have the time. I have a ton of ideas for this story and so far on the outline have at least 14 more chapters planned. Hopefully updates will be more frequent from here on out…

Also, I don't think I wrote the ending of the last chapter well because there were a lot of comments about how wrong Meredith was. My intention was for Meredith to remind Alex that his actions caused the current situation so he wouldn't do anything brash again that would make things worse for everyone. Thanks to the Anon that did pick up on that, but it obviously wasn't clear enough so I'm sorry for that!

Jo sat in the research lab surrounded by stacks of proposals, documents, and notes that she should be looking through during the limited time she had to give attention to her current projects and work responsibilities, but all she could focus on were the papers the social worker had given her earlier in the day. Her eyes filled with tears once more causing her to glance away and quickly swipe at her eyes to keep them from falling. She needed some good news, some positivity, or even just something to laugh at even if it was silently to herself. Jo checked her phone to make sure she hadn't missed any messages even though she knew her notifications were on and the volume turned up.

"Hey." The surprise and gentleness of his voice caused her to look up in wonder as Alex took a tentative step into the threshold of the lab, "You okay?"

She gave the best smile she could that just barely caused her lips to curl up, "Yeah…yeah. And you?"

"Me?"

"I just haven't seen you in a few days…kinda thought Bailey or Tom might have sacked you."

This caused him to give a crooked grin as he leaned on the doorway, "Haha. But close, Bailey gave me strict instructions to stay away from you for a few days after….well…"

And once again, she felt like the last five plus years had not happened. As if he was casually coming to check on her before talking about what to get for dinner or see if she wanted to ride home together. "Look about that…," she started tentatively, "I'm sorry, Alex, I…it's just sometimes when you're around I just get so angry and hurt. I don't know why some times I seem okay when you're near and others I'm not, but that day I was already on edge and then that look on your…your dumb face." She looked up and gave a small smile of apology, "It was just too much and I took all my emotions out on you and I shouldn't have. Especially in front of so many people. And for that I'm sorry."

Alex sighed and stepped further in the room, "Look, I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you. All you have on your plate and then here I come to be the molded cherry on top of a crap sundae." She couldn't help but smile at him, taking a bit of comfort in how he had not seemed to change in their time apart. "I want you to know I was going to tell about everything. I just…wanted to do it later after you all had processed that she was okay."

Jo nodded as she rolled her lips together, "I get that. And I'm sorry I didn't give you that chance." She sighed as she looked around, "But for next time…Mac doesn't handle that well. He wants all the info up front. It's very important to him that he feel you are not hiding anything."

Alex narrowed his eyes in question, "Why would he think that?"

"His wife…the boys' mum…the doctors didn't tell him everything about her prognosis initially when her cancer was discovered. So he made decisions regarding her care on bad information. It's…a pain and a guilt he will always carry so…just be sure you tell us everything. But especially him." She blinked quickly feeling herself get upset, "He doesn't deserve to go through that again."

"I didn't realize that," Alex said softly. "He told me he had lost her to cancer that night we met up at Joe's but he didn't give details."

Jo tried to mask her surprise that Mac had divulged so much to Alex so quickly, "It's hard for him. I'm only telling you so you'll be as up front with him as possible from here on out," she said carefully, hoping he wouldn't decide to talk to Mac later and him then realize she had been talking to Alex about him. So far, Mac had only been supportive and understanding of Alex's presence and role. And she most definitely wanted to keep it that way. She needed as little drama in her life as possible.

Alex's eyes widened slightly as he nodded, "Got it. Will be completely up front from here on out. No more hand holding or shoulder to cry on. Straight to the point."

Jo smiled appreciatively, realizing he understood her unspoken request, "Thank you." He smiled back softly and she glanced away to break eye contact, not liking how much she was enjoying talking to him, "So what brings you in here?"

Alex looked around nervously, "My research projects I'm working on. Just had a little spare time…"

Jo shook her head in amusement, "Liar."

"What, I might! Clinical trials can transfer."

"With human subjects?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He looked slightly offended, "Well duh."

"No you don't. Why are you down here?"

Alex crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, but seeming to enjoy sparring with her, "Who says I don't?"

"The Chair of the IRB. If you were doing any kind of study I would know of it, so spill, what are you doing down here?"

Alex gazed at her with a look of pride, "You're Chair? Wow." He looked away with a shake of his head as his smile widened, "I always knew you'd do big things, Jo."

She stood and reached over to restack some of her papers, uneasy under his praise and the soft way he said her name, "Don't change the subject."

"I was hoping to find you to apologize for the other day."

"Well you've been in here several minutes and you haven't yet. Did Bailey put you up to it?"

"I did to!"

"You didn't say the words. Of course I've learned over the past few years that you saying 'I'm sorry' to my face is just not a skill set that you have." Her tone was more biting than she meant for it to be, immediately causing her to feel remorse, "Sorry, I don't mean to rub your nose in it every chance I get."

"It's okay," he said softly, the tone of his voice making her want to cry. "You have five plus years of pent up anger and sadness to let out so let me have it, I deserve all of it and more." The silence stretched for a bit, the only sound in the room was Jo shuffling more papers trying to make herself seem busy as she searched for something to say. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that he had slowly walked around the table and had lowered himself into the stool she had just vacated. She looked over to see Alex staring up at her with his big honest eyes as he had when he proposed to her outside of the rehab facility, "I am so, so sorry for what I did to you. I know there are not enough words on earth for me to ever undo the hurt I caused, but I've regretted it every day since I left. It was the worst thing I've ever done and trust me, with all my bad deeds that is an extremely long list to be at the top of."

Jo sighed as she looked away and forced herself not to cry, "You know, I'm not able to just say 'it's okay' and move on. And that's not what you were supposed to be apologizing for."

He nodded slightly, "I wouldn't want you to." Jo glanced over curiously and Alex shrugged, "It's not okay. And you shouldn't forgive me so fast. Not for what I did." She licked her lips and looked away, again unsure of what to say. Alex leaned forward to try to meet her gaze again, "I do hope, one day, that I can make up in some small way for the damage I caused and that maybe down the line you can forgive me and maybe not look at me like I'm the worst person ever."

Jo closed a folder and looked back at him crossly, "I don't think that." Despite her irritation, Alex continued to stare at her almost with a hint of hope. His eyes gazed at her softly almost causing Jo to get lost in them instead of staying angry. She then shrugged, hoping to break the gaze with humor, "Not when Son of Sam is still alive."

Alex furrowed his brows, "I think he may be dead."

"Well whatever," Jo said with a flip of the hand, "My point is you're not the worst person ever. Hell, you're not even the worst man I've married. I mean, the one that hurt me most, yes, but not the worst overall."

"That's not funny."

Jo sighed at his irritation and slowly lowered herself into the stool beside him, "When I married Mac, Meredith pulled me aside and asked if I knew what I was doing." Jo sighed as she thought back on the day, her eyes staring unfocused at the door to the hallway, "Everyone was so worried we were going into it too fast. You know what I said to her?" She glanced at Alex, who shook his head, "I told her that there was no way he could hurt me as bad as my previous marriages. He couldn't physically hurt me more than Paul. And he couldn't emotionally hurt me more than you. So I felt good going into it because I had already had the worst marriage has to offer."

Alex stared at her blankly, "I'm not sure what to say to that."

"You leaving me hurt so badly because I really thought it was forever. I had trusted you so completely and I… After that, I thought I didn't believe in forevers and happily-ever-afters and I went into this feeling like I was prepared for the hurt." She quickly stood, suddenly wanting to be far away from him, "But now having a child with cancer made me realize I still somewhere deep held onto some hope in happy ever after, because with her I've felt myself lose even more that I didn't even realize I still had."

Alex nodded sadly, "I wouldn't give up hope now. I think we're going to figure something out, I really do." He held up the papers that were lying on the table in front of him, "So you can stop filling out this garbage."

Jo smiled sadly at the packet now in his hands, "Mac's been wanting to put her on the waiting list for a while. Depressing to think how there are so many kids needing a Make-A-Wish spot that we have to wait for who knows how long. I hated the idea of it for a lot of reasons, but I don't think I can argue with him anymore about it."

"Because you're tired of fighting or because you believe Mattie is…" He let the comment hang, not able to speak those words to Jo. "Cause I don't think we're there."

Jo smiled softly and took the packet from him, "If she's going to eventually….I want her to be healthy enough to enjoy whatever she chooses and that we're able to make good memories with her."

Alex was silent to absorb all she was saying. Seeing her with her guard down was such a precious gift now and he did not want to lose the moment. She had changed so much. Motherhood had changed her. All the characteristics he loved about her were still there, just in new forms. He watched as Jo shook her head, seemingly snapping out of her reverie, "I should go check on her."