Alex was silent to absorb all she was saying. Seeing her with her guard down was such a precious gift now and he did not want to lose the moment. She had changed so much. Motherhood had changed her. All the characteristics he loved about her were still there, just in new forms. He watched as Jo shook her head, seemingly snapping out of her reverie, "I should go check on her."

Alex spat out the first thing that came to mind, not wanting her to leave just yet, "So I hear you still talk to my mom."

Jo smiled slyly, "She told huh?"

"Would not quit sending me inspirational memes or me-mes…whatever the hell they are. Constantly all day long the day of Mattie's surgery."

Jo giggled to herself, "Sorry, her and Mattie are close, I'm sure she was terrified."

"Close? How?"

"Well…when you left," she glanced at him questioningly, unsure if they were on solid enough footing to talk about that time, but Alex gave her a solemn nod, encouraging her to continue, "You had been gone…I don't know, probably two weeks at that point, and I was freaking out." She stopped speaking to exhale deeply and roll her lips nervously, "I called her to check on you."

Jo looked over to check his expression and found him sitting quietly, staring up at her earnestly, his voice soft, "I never knew that."

"Of course she told me you weren't there and she hadn't heard from you…that's when I decided you had gotten tired of us and left me." She glanced over to see if he would say anything but he sat still just watching her and waiting for her to continue, "But it scared her so every day I would call or message her to let her know I had no updates. Telling her that was a good thing." She gestured with her hands in the air, "I mean, you had obviously lied and no police were knocking on my door so evidently you were fine. But she was so worried…Anyway a few days later your letter arrived. I…I couldn't tell her on the phone. I had said the words to Link after I realized what you had done and it just…it crushed me…knowing you had left. I could barely get them out and I felt like I would fall to the floor and then I cried till I had no more tears left to give. I didn't think I could say the words again so I text her that I had heard from you and you were fine but wanted a divorce and had mailed me papers." Jo looked over to see Alex rubbing his fingers in his eyes, his hands covering his face. She couldn't tell if he was crying but she'd like to think he was. She looked down at the floor, watching as she pushed down on the footrest of the stool with the sole of her shoe, "Anyway, the next day she called to check on me, I think she was scared for me then." Jo sensed Alex stand and walk around the table, his face pointed to the ceiling as he continued to rub his hands over his cheeks. "And she called the next day and the next, and every day for I don't even know how long. The first day she didn't, it scared me so I called her. We had a good laugh about that. We've kept in touch ever since."

Alex had taken up a slow pace along the long end of the table. After a few more steps, he stopped, right across the table from Jo and turned to look at her, "I was so selfish then. I never allowed myself to stop and think about how things would be for you on this end. All I knew was if I talked to you…if I heard your voice…I risked turning my back on my kids and I couldn't take that chance. I just couldn't." He stopped speaking for a moment as his voice cracked, the weight of what he said almost causing Jo to cry out. Reading his thought process and hearing him actually say the words were two totally different things. "I never thought that you might call Mom." He chuckled slightly, "Explains why she wasn't too surprised when I finally called her. I just thought they had put her on too strong of meds."

Jo laughed slightly, "Nope…just your loud mouth ex-wife." Alex gave a sad smile, causing Jo to look away. "Anyway, we kept in touch and she was so excited when I remarried, but she was over the moon when I had Mattie. And again with Ian. She's always kept up with them with phone calls and video chats. I always try to send her pictures, but I'm not the best at that. We've been there a few times to see her. Usually we just do an overnight layover close to her and spend a day with her at home.

Alex leaned over, his knuckles almost white as he gripped the table, "Hayes has been in my mother's house?"

"Just a couple of times," Jo said while eyeing him weirdly, "I think she really enjoys it. Mattie likes to sing to her and Ian likes to do his version of drawing. Liam and Austin always try to show her something new on a gadget or her cell." Alex abruptly stood and walked away his hands on his hips obviously flustered, causing Jo to shrug, deciding to use the opportunity to try to help Helen, "Maybe she wouldn't feel that way if she saw her other grandchildren more often…"

He turned back at her quickly, "Do you know how busy it can be for two surgeons with two kids?"

Jo chuckled, "Maybe I do. You should try four of them."

Alex looked back at her with what seemed like regret in his eyes, "I just…want to protect Alexis and Eli from that. And it's just hard sometimes to get back." His voice wavered as he looked back at Jo, "And you know I never liked going back there. Just too much crap. Too many memories. I like focusing on the now."

Jo nodded, her voice soft, "I know. But when you left, your mother was starting to be a part of your now."

He shook his head quickly, an ironic chuckle coming from him, "It's weird as hell that your new husband has visited my mother. You get that right? I know you didn't have traditional family structure growing up, but this is weird."

Jo had looked down, trying to keep her composure, not surprised he had went there after she called him out for not visiting Helen. She heard him start to walk out of the room and bit her lip, deciding to change course slightly, "You know I thought of you the day Mattie was born." Jo paused for a second before she looked up to see Alex staring at her intently with a flicker of sadness. She glanced away, "There I was with this perfect baby. Her little poof of hair, her tiny fingernails and that fresh baby smell. Mac would not stop smiling. All day long had this huge smile. He had…there was some kind of trauma that came in the ER and I tried to convince him to go, I thought he had time, that I was going to labor forever but then I only pushed once and she was out. He refused though. Said he wasn't going to chance it and miss out like Link."

"Link?"

Jo smiled at the memory, "He missed Scout's arrival because he was in surgery. Granted it was Webber and urgent and Bailey begged him, but still. He missed it. Mac wasn't going to take that chance. So there I was lying in bed watching him with a ridiculously happy smile bouncing our ridiculously perfect baby in his arms making ridiculously happy baby talk with the sun shining through the window like Seattle wanted to show out for us and…I thought of you. I thought of you and how you had missed that with your kids. How that was stolen from you by….by her. And how you had robbed yourself by signing over everything and never checking to see if…And then I got angry at myself for missing out on this perfect moment with my perfect husband and my perfect baby because of you and I vowed that I would never ever deprive Mac of one moment with our child, no matter what. And if that meant him going to my former mother-in-law's home in the middle of Iowa so she could see my baby like she had asked then so be it."

"Look Jo, I didn't mean…"

"Yes you did. You were feeling insecure about your choices so you wanted to deflect to my past." She shrugged, "It's not the first time. Hell, it probably won't be the last." They stared at each other for a moment, neither knowing what to say before Jo smiled softly, "I really do need to get back to Mattie."

She gathered up a couple of documents and her cell phone as he watched her silently. Just as she passed him, Alex finally brought himself to speak, "I really am sorry, Jo." She paused briefly in the doorway before looking down to the floor at her right, her lips moving slightly as if trying to say something, before she briskly walked out of the room.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay. I have a hundred reasons, but it still sucks as a reader, I know. As always, thanks for the views, reviews, favorites and other support. It is very much appreciated!