Fate
(Love is all)
„Fate must complete, cannot be changed or avoid, even if it led into the abyss" (quotation from Ryszard Kapuściński, Polish poet and writer)
Prologue - I wish we'd had never met
13. July 1789
Paris looked so peacefully that night. Like a sleeping giant, exhaused after a long day full of effort. Harmless. Dreaming about something beautiful. Beside, the Seine drifted sleepily, gasping softly to the giant's breathing.
But it was only an illusion. Under this peaceful shell, Paris was boiling, screaming with thousands of throats and crying with the thousand tears. People was furious and scared. Women mourned their husbands, fathers' children, men licked their wounds.
What did one life mean in the face of so many victims?..
Oscar leaned heavily against the stone wall. The stone's cold and damp penetrated her body despite the warmth of the summer evening. Or was the cold not from there? The cold that spreads through the chest, straight from the heart that has been torn to shreds. Tears that could not flow anymore, as if they were gone, or as if they had frozen into ice lumps in the shards of a shattered heart.
The commander lowered her head in anguish. Hair spilled a golden cascade over her dirty face.
"This can not be true. It can not be - she thought bitterly - It must be a bad dream, I want to wake up, I want to wake up now! How am I going to live without you, Andre..? Now, when everything has changed between us.. You shouldn't have left me, you shouldn't.."- she clenched her fist
She leaned against the stone wall and ran her hand over her face.
"What for God's sake am I thinking about?! - she opened her eyes, terrified - It wasn't your fault! It was my fault, only mine! If you hadn't followed me, you would be alive now! If you had not loved me.. If we had maybe never met.. You would be living somewhere now, peacefully, probably with your wife by your side, surrounded by a few children.. - a faint smile appeared on her lips - A wife that I could never be for you. Children that I couldn't give you.. Oh my God.. So many lost years.. How long have I loved you, Andre? How long was it really? Did that love begin when you pressed your lips against mine that evening? Or maybe much earlier? Maybe I have always loved you? Now it doesn't matter anymore, cause you are not here.. We are not here. Maybe even I am not here anymore.. "
She felt its coming. The one which was her worst enemy until today, from now - a close friend. The red tentacles of a cough began to shake her chest mercilessly. Oscar was now almost grateful for the disease. She couldn't see the future anymore, she couldn't see it without him. Her Andre..
The cough began to intensify, choking, burning. The monster threw her to her knees and hugged her mercilessly.
- I loved you Andre, I loved you so much. But if I could change anything, I wish you wouldn't love me. I wish we would had never met. It would be better for you. It was wonderful to have you with me, you made my life meaningful. But somehow I could have managed without you. If only you lived.. I could give you up, if only you were alive.. - she managed to whisper with the last of her consciousness before the cough crushed her to the ground and she passed out.