Ruin

by baguette2016

AU: After losing her best friend in combat, Auror Lily Everett returns to Hogwarts for a break from the battlefield. She soon discovers that she's signed up for a year alongside her ex-fiancé who is rather determined to make sure the past does not rest easy.

1. Chapter 1

AN: A story I began a few years ago with a twist on a few tropes. This first half consists of the parts I'd finished then. I'm hoping to return and finish it (albeit not at the intensity I'd started it at) but make no promises that it will be completed. Read at your own discretion!

---

Part 1

The English countryside rolled by outside of the window of the Hogwarts Express. Lily's forehead rested against the glass of the window of the cabin she was currently occupying, her eyes glued to the blurs of green and blue outside of the glass. A part of her couldn't believe what she was doing, and certainly her friends hadn't.

The offer had come in July, a month after Moody had sentenced her to desk work, taking her off any field work until the new graduates from the Academy came in and she could find a new partner. She'd been at the wedding of some work colleague, sitting in the corner drinking glass after glass of mulled meade when Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of her old school, made the offer.

The last line of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, a Canadian auror, decided to return to him homeland, stating the weather in England hadn't been up to his temperament. Strangely, Professor Dumbledore offered his job to her for a year, and strangely Lily agreed.

A year ago, if Moody tried to keep her off fieldwork for more than a week, Lily would protest. Now, she decided that another ten months off field work could do her some good. She'd never been on fieldwork without Michael, and thought some time to think things through could be good, inspire the youth like her sixth year DADA professor, Professor Lane, had.

Her friends were against this plan, Marlene, Benjy, and Dorcas yelling at her and the Longbottoms were livid. But after a month of insisting she wasn't going to change her mind, they didn't have much of a choice. Marlene hadn't said goodbye to her and she hadn't spoken to Frank since she informed them of the choice.

She did love her friends, but they'd coupled off, the emptiness of Michael apparent. She could see it on their faces, her being a reminder of the friend they'd lost, of the man they all loved. Her teaching could do some good for them all.

Yet it was Moody of all people who seemed to be the most keen on her going, practically packing her things and dumping them outside of the auror offices himself. She was surprised by this, Moody once taking her and Michael to dinner, his fondness for the pair coming from more than him being Michael's paternal cousin.

Worry plagued her. Professors were supposed to show up to school early, about two weeks before the year started. But Lily's mother had another episode and Petunia was on bedrest, pregnant for the fourth time, desperate for this one not to end in a miscarriage. As a result, Lily had to return to her childhood home until the live in nurse and house elves had assured her that her mother would be fine, for now.

More so, she was exhausted, tired from spending nights by her mother's side as she cried out in agony constantly. And there was a reason Lily wasn't a healer. Pain disturbed her- she was no good with a mother, a woman who remained distant and aloof. In fact, the only good thing that her mother had done to her was depositing Lily in Michael's nursery when they'd been two days all to attend a gala. She found herself falling asleep on the train, for the first time in three years.

When she woke, it was night and the Hogwarts Express was nearing Hogsmeade. Lily locked her luggage in place, knowing that there were recent safety precautions in place. All luggage would be checked by the castle's caretaker and his apprentice, squib who Lily had never been fond of.

Afterwards, she made her way from the cabin, heading to a doorway before any students could be alerted of the train's arrival. Yet it was just her luck to run into a student, as he opened the door to his cabin, walking into Lily's path.

An apology slipped from her throat until she saw the student's stormy grey eyes.

" Regulus," she said curtly. Regulus Black was the walking clone of his older brother, a man Lily hadn't see in months and wanted to keep that pattern growing. His eyes froze, locking with hers before confusion plagued them.

" Lily what are you doing on the Hogwarts Express?"

" It's Professor Everett," she replied tightly, fighting the urge to hex the little git. " I'm the new DADA professor."

Regulus's face lit up with this note, a smirk lighting up on his face as he regarded her in a new light.

" Ah, I don't suppose you'd let your favorite cousin off on essays?"

She fought the urge to flinch at that reminder. Although Lily was faced with the fact that so-called pure wizarding blood ran through her veins every single day, she often could go weeks without recalling some of the relatives on either side of her family tree. While her father had been an only child, heir and son to the creator of one of the most used spells in common day, her mother had been a Black.

" Ah, with all the intermarriage in the Black family, our blood is most likely less thick than water," Lily replied, a satisfied expression on her face as Regulus's jaw dropped at her risky statement. The train rolled to a stop and she made her way past him, quickly, before the little bastard could threaten to tell his dad or worse her mother.

She was running late. Lily muttered a curse, tugging the reigns of the Threstal pulling her carriage. Somehow, the unspeakable beast had gotten spooked and taken off in the opposite direction of the castle. As a result, Lily had to leave to carriage, tugging the horse-like creature towards the castle.

" Having fun?" she asked the beast, who was chewing on her robe sleeve. Its slobber dripped down her side. Lily knew she was a sight to see. Her hair had come undone when the Threstal slammed the carriage into a tree, that being the reason for the dried blood on her forehead. It proceeded to kick her back, Lily's robes and shirt ripping. She was sure there'd be bruises on her chest on the next morning. She was quite the sight certainly and the Threstal looked proud of its self for this.

She didn't suppose that she was lucky to have seen her father die, but now it appeared to hold some use, being able to let her see the Threstal. The sight of him dying had haunted her when she was younger and was the reason for her mother's catatonic state. Her father's line had been explorers, travelers of thought and the world. So maybe it was fitting that on a family vacation, Quenton Everett, trying to show his children and doting wife a Manticore nest, had been eaten alive by said beast.

Lily swallowed hard, pushing down the gag that usually came from remembering her father's untimely death. The sight had sent her mother in a horrible state, who'd screamed at the sight, getting the attention of the Manticore who proceeded to grabbed her, throwing her across the forest- Mary Black hitting the side of a cliff hanging over the forest. And Petunia merely gaped in horror as the beast brought its young to peck at the flesh of her father, him somehow still alive.

It was her, at the age of fourteen, who managed to levitate a boulder over the beast and its young, crushing them and her father. To this day, Lily had no idea whether her blow had been the killing blow, the sound of his agonized screams lasting until the Greek aurors arrived at the scene.

The sight of the castle forced her thoughts back and Lily smiled tiredly, reaching the front with one last trudging step. She let go of the reigns to the Threstal, and gave the beast a pat on the side before hurrying to the Great Hall. To her complete dismay, she entered the hall, her hair a mess, Threstal slobber dripping down her side, coating her robes and shoes, and her outfit, selected to impress that very morning, covered in dirt and mud ( said beast had kicked her into the remnants of a rain puddle), right as Professor Dumbledore was giving his welcome speech.

Lily felt a flush explode on her cheeks as the hall stared at her, her attempt at a sneaky entrance failing. As the students stared, whispers broke out across the tables. Lily had been a seventh year only three years ago, sitting with them. The oldest would remember her as Head Girl.

" As I was saying earlier, we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor- please welcome Professor Lily Everett."

Light applause broke out and Lily was still red in the face as she walked down the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables, making her way to the Heads Table and shaking Dumbledore's hand. He had a twinkle in his eyes as he took in the sight of her.

" I'm afraid my carriage is a bit damaged," she explained. " Don't worry for the carriage- Poppy can take you to the Hospital Wing, we have another new Professor who seems to be running late as well, he can have dinner with you and show you to your rooms."

" Thank you professor," she murmured, letting go of his hand. As she followed Madame Pomfrey down from the hall, Lily couldn't help but glance back, meeting the eyes of her cousin. Regulus had an arrogant look in his eyes and she turned as the Feast continued.

---

" It's been ages since I've had to clean you up," Madame Pomfrey said, a smile twitching on her usually pursed lips. Lily smiled thinly as Madame Pomfrey healed her cut, using a series of cleaning spells Lily had never heard of to get to mud and twigs from her. But the dirt stains remained, as well as the Threstal slobber.

After giving her some cream for her chest and sides, Madame Pomfrey returned to the Feast, while Lily remained on the bed, lying uncomfortably in just her bra as the cream sat.

The adrenaline of it all had worn off and her chest ached horribly, Pomfrey detected a broken rib bone or two in there. Lily stared up at the ceiling of the Hospital Wing. It was her first day and she'd ruined any chances for getting the students to fear her as many of her DADA teachers had resorted to.

While her knack for getting into situations like this had amused her friends, it was typically Michael who got her out of them. He'd been the one to pull her out of the Black Lake when she'd been shoved into it their first year. He'd been the one to clean the ink from her essays when she knocked over her ink pot. He simply knew what to do and always did it with an amused grin.

Now that he was gone, Lily would have to figure out how to fix her own problems. And while she'd eventually coaxed the Threstal into letting her drag it back to the castle, she feared that some situations would come up that she wouldn't be able to deal with.

Eventually she nodded off, bits of consciousness engaging her.

" She can spend the night," she heard one voice say.

" It's no problem Poppy, and I'm sure Lily would prefer for the privacy of her own chambers."

Lily tried to dip back into sleep, but something about that voice perturbed her, even in sleep. It was one she hadn't heard in close to a year, but sleep was a force to be reckon with, dragging her back into its depths. When she did wake, it was the result of her head hitting a wall.

A groan escaped her mouth as she opened her eyes, only to discover that someone was carrying her, bridal-style. Lily groggily attempted to squirm away, only for the person to tighten their grip.

" You don't want to disturb those bandages," a gruff voice said at her movements. Something came over her at the sound of that voice and she raised her head, meeting a pair of smug hazel eyes.

" James," she gasped. He smirked down at her and she nearly fainted. It had been nearly a year since she'd spoken to him and that had been for the sake of her mother!

" Looks like we've got a year to reacquaint ourselves, and this time I don't plan on letting you go when it's over," he said, knowing how this was going to go.

" You're- you're the-"

" Minnie's taking a year off for personal reasons," he said, a frown crossing his face briefly. " I'm filling in."

And this was just one of those many occasions where her unlucky nature had landed her in a mess of a situation…

---

Lily entered the Defense Room and looked over the seventh year students. She hadn't been one so long ago, but it felt like a century ago. When she was a a seventh year, she and her friends sat in the front row, the same row currently occupied by the seventh year Gryffindors.

Seeing this made her smile slightly as she cleared her throat calling their attention. She couldn't mess this up- it was her first class ever.

" I am Professor Everett and this is NEWT level Defense Against the Dark Arts," Lily began. The room was silent as she cast a look around it. The class was larger than when she was a seventh year, the need for this class becoming more and more each passing year. " If you've taken the class to learn a stunning spell or perhaps have hopes that it will ensure your safety after Hogwarts, I'm afraid to say we're living in a time when that is not necessarily true."

The room took a somber tone at her statement. There was a war outside of the walls of this castle, a war that took the lives of two of her closest friends.

" I will do my best to prepare you for a variety of situations that may arise when you leave this classroom for the last time, but as goes with most of your other classes, DADA requires a bit of relativity and creativity to pass."

She stopped, eyes flying to the back of the room where two Hufflepuffs sat whispering. Finally a chance to prove herself as a teacher!

" Anything you'd two like to share with the class?" she demanded.

" You're hardly older than us- how are you qualified to teach us about Defense Against the Dark Arts," one said with a daring expression, expecting her to be the frazzled woman she was the previous night. But she wasn't. No, the face she wore was the one of Auror Lily Everett.

" Some of you may recognize me from your fourth year," she said loudly. " Since graduating, I was accepted to the Auror Academy, graduated with flying colors and spent a year and a half in the field."

The room was silent at her statement and she stared the two boys in the eye.

" I've been in the massacres and raids and there's nothing to joke about," she said in a dead-tone. " People die, they go missing and show up in pieces- they're tortured because some sadistic bastards think they're somehow superior than everybody else. I am going to prepare you lot to think on your fit, to be as prepared as possibly for the world outside of Hogwarts, because it's not a pretty one."

And while she hoped to scare her students, she had done that. But many of them being more outspoken, as she made them pair up and practice dueling.

" How many arrests have you made?"

" Have you ever used an Unforgivable?"

" Is it true Mad-Eye Moody can see your knickers with his fake eye?"

By the end of the class, she watched her students slump over to their next class, tired from the evaluation, but something akin to excitement in their eyes.

" Nice speel."

She frowned, turning from the door to see that one student remained. Regulus sat in the back of the classroom, a haunting image of his brother. He came forth from the shadows, a sardonic expression on his face as he took her in.

" I wonder how Aunt Mary would feel if she knew her darling daughter wasn't actually a doting housewife- if she knew you were trying to put her brothers in jail."

" Reg- Mr. Black," she said in warning. But Regulus advanced, knowing he had the upper hand here.

" You don't think I'm a fool do you?" he asked, eying her desk. His eyes were on a photo that he had no right to look it, was not even worthy of glancing at. " You might be a disappointment but the nonsense you spouted off is downright blood traitor."

" I am a blood traitor," she replied tightly. " Now get out before I dock points."

" In the real world there's no points to dock," he sneered. " Do you think I care about something as petty as the point system? I'm good, better than Sirius was at my age. I'll probably be some head of a department in the new age."

Lily flinched at his statement, remembering that nonsense being spoken about at family dinners and pureblood events. While her parents remained silent on those matters, preferring to talk about new children or engagements, her mother's family had a very public opinion on the war.

" But I shouldn't have to worry should I?" he asked in a dark tone. " Right down the hall is your old keeper."

" Twenty points from Slytherin and two detentions with Filch."

" James will just give those points back," he taunted. " You're powerless."

Lily's face flushed red at the reminder of who else was teaching her. While James had been the one to carry, or attempt to carry her back to her private chambers, she'd stopped him, tugging the cloak he'd covered her with closer before marching off to her chambers after cursing him out.

She hated James Potter.

" Listen you little git," she hissed. " I'm in no mood to deal with your purist garbage or your mother trying to get me and Potter back together- it's not happening, I refuse to spend any more time than required with that pig-headed shite attempt at a toe rag."

" Don't worry Reg, she's got some interesting choice at pet names," James declared from the doorway, an amused expression on his face. She knew he'd been there for longer than she could tell and immediately stepped away from Regulus to glare at James.

" Professor Potter," she said tightly. His smile grew at the name as he reached them, giving Lily's french braid a quick tug before wagging his eyebrows.

" Mind if I borrow Mr. Black for a mo?" he asked. Lily's jaw fell slightly before she shook her head.

" You can't barge in here and steal my students.," Lily hissed. James raised a brow as if her statement were false and leaned even closer to her.

" Reg's my student too and he's running late for Transfiguration," he said in a fake innocent tone. " Beside, I'd hate to watch you hex him and get fired, Merlin knows how much I'm enjoying the fact that you're only a five minute walk from my bed."

How he'd calculated that she had no idea. But before Lily could speak, James gave Regulus a look.

" Now stop patronizing your cousin, that's my job," he ordered, gesturing for him to leave. Regulus gave her a smirk, expected for James to give her a verbal lashing as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Lily let out an annoyed noise, walking to her desk and straightening her stack of evaluation notes on her class. She sat down and looked up, giving James a peeved expression.

" Don't you have a class to teach?"

" The rugrats can wait," he replied, sitting on the desk of the first row. He made himself comfortable, kicking his legs up and leaning back against the next row to stare at her. Lily flushed under his gaze and huffed.

" What are you staring at?" she demanded. James's eyes twinkled from behind his glasses as he smirked.

" I'm recalling a certain patrol- you sitting on Professor Flitwick's desk, your knickers in my pocket a certain-"

" You're so juvenile- get out," she shrieked. James smiled at her reaction, rising to come to her desk. He leaned over it, staring at her face, taking it in as though he were a man who'd spent his life in the dark and had just seen the sun for the first time.

" You know I love teasing you," he replied. " Getting you riled up, those cheeks flushing and my favorite set of tits practically ripping your shirts open…"

Her wand was out, pressed against his Adam's Apple as she grabbed his collar, forcing him up to meet her gaze.

" We're not seventeen anymore Potter," she hissed. " I'm not going to fuck you because you tell me you've changed and you pretend to be better. I know better now, I know there's no hope for you."

James's eyes narrowed and his playful attitude was gone, instead a stoic one replaced it. " If I recall, you're the one who needs me, not the other way around."

She was silent. She'd blackmailed him into a deal, one that involved her interacting with him only once a year, and him keeping his distance or ending up in Azkaban. But with Michael dead, her blackmail was useless. In any Wizarding Court, a judge would see their legal history and any claims Lily would make would be worthless. He was free.

" Michael is dead."

" I heard," he said, as Lily released him. James rubbed his neck before tearing a hand through his hair. "How's Abby holding up?"

" Why would you care? You practically lynched him- had the papers say those awful things," she spat.

" Because you took a year off from being the mean ol' death eater catching auror you've dreamt of being all your life," he answered. " Lily Everett the harpy that stole my heart went soft, all it took was her crutch dying."

" Crutch?"

" Michael Wood held you back from being who you're meant to be," he explained. He smirked again, giving her an eyeful look. " You're going to be so beautiful in my trophy case."

Before she could even understand the implication of what he'd said, James was gone, leaving Lily alone, waiting for her next class to come.

---

Her first afternoon off was at the same time as the Gryffindor Quidditch tryouts. Lily's heart raced joyfully as she made her way down to the pitch, her old Gryffindor scarf around her neck and a stack of tests to grade in one hand.

While her first week as a teacher had been stressful, she'd planned ahead and managed to stick to her schedule. To her relief, Professor Slughorn had volunteered to help her adjust, giving her the brilliant idea of making older students grade younger students' papers during detention. While Slughorn kept the process non-blind, Lily concealed the names of the students' papers before she allowed the competitive Ravenclaws near them…

" Professor!"

She was on the ground floor of the pitch when a small brunette stopped in front of her. Marcie Meadows, Dorcas's little sister was the seeker for Gryffindor, and one of Lily's favorite teens.

" Marcie, ready to bring my old team another house cup?"

" Of course, we've got a great team- the full gang's around save for the Keeper, but no one's-"

Marcie cut herself off, paling as Lily's heart gave a soft pang. She'd ended the conversation soon after that, heading up to the stands and watching the try outs while attempting to grade the tests. But her mind was elsewhere.

Four years ago, her team had taken home the house cup for Gryffindor. Wesley Shacklebolt, their captain and now a hit-wizard, had thrown their seeker at the time, Tallie Givers into the air, the fifth year nearly crying in joy. It had been Gryffindor's first house cup since Lily's third year and to this day was one of the best games she'd played.

She could remember Michael, spinning her round and round afterwards, smacking a kiss onto her lips ( platonic of course) as they celebrated. Albeit the only reason they'd won being that Potter and Black had been banned from Quidditch, Slytherin easily losing to Ravenclaw in the previous match, but it was a victory nethertheless.

" Professor."

She looked up to see Jemma Rodgers, the sister of Justin Rodgers' the Ravenclaw Prefect in her year, staring at her. She had a sheepish expression on her face and her friends giggled behind her.

" Yes Miss Rodgers?"

" Professor Dumbledore sent me to get you- said there's was an urgent matter in the dungeons."

" Right then, thank you."

By the time she reached the dungeons, there were Professors ushering students away. Lily made her way between them, stopping short at the sight before her. She froze seeing the blood before it fully hit her.

" Quite gruesome isn't?" She turned to see Professor Dalloway, one of the fittest Professors in her time at Hogwarts, giving the scene an eyeful. He was the Muggle Studies professor, and the main reason so many girls flocked to the class.

" I would say horrific," she replied in a breathless voice. Before her eyes, on the wall close to the Hufflepuff dorms, was a desecration, similar to one she'd seen so long ago. Written in a mix of mud and blood, were the words Mudbloods not Welcomed. The mud dripped down the wall and Lily could see Professor Dumbledore speaking with-

" Potter."

The soft whispering between students and teachers silenced as James turned from Dumbledore, facing her. Lily's expression was a cross between shocked and borderline panic attack.

" One moment," he said to Professor Dumbledore, coming over to her. Before she could speak, James grabbed her, pulling her away from the scene. She followed him blindly, stumbling over her own feet only for him to stop, them somehow in his classroom.

He turned, facing her and surprisingly cupped her face between his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. Lily's breaths were short and she made a choked sound as James brushed her hair back.

" Mary," she managed to croak out. He looked relieved for her to be speaking and pulled her into his chest, Lily helplessly letting her head rest against it as she struggled to breathe.

" I'll kill every single one of them," he vowed. For a second she let herself imagine that he would threaten the lives of the horrible people who'd made the message because he knew that blood didn't matter and magic didn't depend on things like bloody pureblood. She let herself think that he cared that she'd lost a friend, practically a sister because of something just like this- that she'd watched as Mary MacDonald turned into a husk of who she once was. But reality snapped in her face, making Lily remember that three years ago, James had been the one ordering for messages like this.

" Let go of me."

But her voice was drowned out by her sobs and James swung her into his arms, carrying her into his private rooms. She didn't remember much after that, James leaving soon after, only to return as she stared blankly at the wall of his room.

---

She woke, perhaps hours later, on James's bed. He'd taken her shoes and robes off, but Lily's hair was up, biting into her scalp painfully and her jeans twisted uncomfortably around her waist.

She sat up to discover that he'd fallen asleep on the armchair facing the fireplace before the bed. When they were younger, James would have leaped at the chance to sleep with her in his arms. But now he knew better, knew that there was some things they could never go back to.

Lily rose, rubbing her eyes and sighing. She was tired, not from work but the deaths. The message on the wall, the threat to the safety of Hogwarts had hit her in the gut over and over again like a monster. It reminded her of memories so painful, of a time when her best friend wouldn't leave their dorm without someone with her, when she had to threaten Slytherins and they continued to leer at Mary.

Trying to throw such thoughts off, Lily rose, ignoring the weakness around her legs and the spinning in her head. She hadn't eaten since lunch, but forced herself to look around James's room. Her eyes frozen on his private desk and she made her way over to it. She picked up a photo hanging hazardously close to the edge and fought the urge to smile.

" Remus misses you."

She jumped, nearly dropping the photo, and turning to meet James's chest. He looked down at her before his eyes went to the photo. They soften at the people in it.

" Do you miss them?"

" Every day."

The Marauders were considered brothers during her time in Hogwarts, and from James's tone she knew they'd remained as close into their adult lives.

" Why'd you agree to take this job?" James's eyes flitted to her face before he shook his head, a concerned expression coming onto his face.

" Let's not avoid what just happened," he said suddenly, ending the conversation there and forcing her to meet his eyes. " MacDonald is she?"

" Dead," Lily replied, blindly. " Slit her wrists a month out of Hogwarts."

But James didn't care for Mary, for the damage he and his friends had wrought to her. He only cared for her and she knew that much, and that's what sickened her the most.

" I'm sorry."

" For what?" she asked in a scoff. " For using her as a Death Eater training exercise or for me?"

James opened his mouth but closed it, both of them knew the truth. She knew that if she lifted his sleeve that horrific tattoo would be on his arm, that if she looked into his eyes all she saw was death and murder. She knew, forever that James Potter was a death eater.

" I was the one to find her," Lily suddenly said. " We were roommates, I came home from the Academy and saw blood leaking out of Mary's door… Her parents were killed and her brother's only a fourth year now so I had to plan the funeral. I had to plan my best friends' funerals."

The plural slipped out at the end and Lily was flushed with immediate regret, James's eyes flashing with some untold emotion. She shuddered slightly, pointing towards the picture of him and his best mates.

" Imagine losing them, never being able to see your best mates again. Watching one get tortured every bloody day the second she got breasts, opening the door to her room and meeting her dead eyes- imagine having to tell Sirius or Remus's wife that he'd died and you fucked up on your job to protect them!"

" Mary MacDonald and Michael Wood put themselves in a line of fire, they knew the consequences," he suddenly replied.

" Don't speak to me as though I'm a fool- we all did," she hissed. James's eyes narrowed and he tore a hand through his hair.

" I could protect you Lily, and I tried to help your mates but they were fools," he returned.

" What do you mean?"

" I offered MacDonald everything- fresh start, new identity in the states. Even gave Wood, the biggest blood traitor since Dumbledore the chance to join the Dark Lord's forces. I did what I could, they died knowing there was a way out."

Her mind spun at this new piece, pieces in a puzzle she had no idea about, the size, shape, and matter.

But Lily still managed to exclaim, " Being a coward isn't freedom."

James was silent and Lily nodded to herself.

" I don't need your help, nor do I need you interfering in my life anymore," she said, glancing towards the door. " It'll be easier if you keep away from me."

She walked past him, the door closer and closer and her hand on it when James finally spoke.

" As long as your mother thinks we're still together right?"

She was silent this time and left, feeling his eyes drilling holes into the back of her head.

---

Lily was sneaking glances at Marlene's latest letter as Professor Binns went on about the vandals disturbing the textbooks of his classroom. The weekly Professors' meeting was something she was unaware of during her time at Hogwarts as a student, but now as a professor, she was more than aquatinted with it.

It was her third one and she'd copied Professor Flitwick's example, bringing work or other things to entertain herself while some of the most ridiculous complaints were made.

Visited Abilene and Oliver- the little prat decided to make my wand into a teething toy… She smiled at this but a pang of sadness erupted in her gut- she was godmother to Michael's son, yet was missing out on so much.

Things are a bit strange in Mungos, I saw Sirius Black for the first time in ages, came in with a nasty bruise and contusion- some Quidditch accident apparently. He's still the wanker from Hogwarts, tell me if Potter's yet to develop from the realization that he had a dick as well.

Lily snorted at this and felt a few professors glancing her way, covering it with a cough and pretending to give Slughorn, a droll man who adored her simply for her talent in his class, her utmost attention.

" After the recent events in the castle, Professor Dumbledore, who couldn't make it to this meeting, has agreed that professors will be patrolling during the old Prefect times and prefects will instead patrol during the day hours."

Lily's attention was fully drawn from the letter at this statement, she gave Slughorn an incredulous look, something several of her colleagues copied. None of them seemed eager to have to take one hour patrol blocks. And not so long ago Lily had to do them herself.

" We'll organize them, the heads of the houses I mean, by the next meeting and patrols will change then- the head students have been notified."

With that note, the meeting ended, Lily sweeping her things into her bag before making her way out, in a hurry to leave. She had a stack of tests waiting on her desk to grade and a letter to write to Marlene.

When she reached her room, she frowned discovering that the door was open. Although her classroom was accessible by all, her private chambers were only openable by those she permitted. So far, she'd only let house elves in to clean and take laundry and deliver the occasional meal. But most students were in their dorms, not out at such a late hour.

" Everett," a gruff voice said in greeting. Lily's eyes relaxed when she met the eyes of Alastor Moody, who was sitting at her desk, glancing down at the papers she had to grade.

" Alastor," she returned, a confused expression slipping onto her face. " What are you doing in Hogwarts."

" Bloody Ministry sends me down every time there's a Hogsmeade weekend, have to put aurors around to keep things calm. There was a death eater attack a few years back, I think right after you graduated."

" I remember reading about it."

Lily moved to the row before the desk, sitting up on the desks and giving him an eyeful. Moody looked exhausted, more tired than she could remember, and there was a fresh set of bandages around his neck. He caught her eye and grimaced.

" Following a lead on a Death Eater meeting ground and found myself in a doxie lair- nearly got my good eye clawed out," he explained.

" Sounds shite."

" Haven't blown my butt off yet so I'm fine," he replied, wicked as ever. He glanced around the classroom and his features soften a little, but not terribly. " Having a good time teaching?"

" Managing," Lily replied. " My nosy little cousin is here, has made it his mission to purify my blood traitor blood."

" Heard the youngest apple on the Black family tree had turned rotten as the rest," Moody replied, letting out a barking laugh. " Saw his brother and uncle practically throwing a party in Knockturn Alley last week."

" Sounds like Sirius."

" Speaking of Sirius Black, I heard James Potter is teaching here as well,' Moody said, glancing towards the door, but Lily had shut it. " He giving you any trouble."

" Not much actually," Lily said, surprise in her voice, James had been at her side in Hogwarts constantly while they were students, pestering her always. " Mentioned how he practically killed Mary and Michael and he's backed up."

" Haven't heard Mary MacDonald's name in a while- you know, Kingsley and I were kept on that case, first one after losing my eye. No one believed it was suicide, thought some death eater had gotten her."

" And that's why us pureblood are useless, if I hadn't spent a few summers with her family and her, I would have thought the same thing," Lily replied.

" And any things like that happening now?"

" There's hardly enough muggleborns here for that kind of lynching to go by without notice- most have left England," she sighed. It was a truth acknowledged by all of the teachers that their students had dwindled to the brave half blood families and the smug pureblood students. Only a handful of muggleborns remained in each house, and Lily made sure to give Regulus enough dirty looks to keep him from hexing the ones in her classes.

" Ouch."

" Ouch is right," Lily said with a frown. " I'm pretty sure I saw one of the Rosier cousins asking out his second cousin the other day."

" Ah, I guess we're all damned then to spotty genes."

" It'll make pureblood gatherings so much more fun."

" Speaking of blood, I'm afraid I did have a reason for coming by," Moody said again. His expression darkened as he rose, limping over to her and placing a file to her side. Lily opened it, her eyes freezing at the notes taken.

" Jones and Dearborn caught Goyle Senior, after some spying on him of course. Seems his nephew's taken an interest in new pure blood."

" Broderick Flint can go fuck himself with a broom, I'm not going to marry him any time," she replied, the contents of the file making her fume. Her father came from a line of Persian wizards, pureblooded enough for Marie Black to marry him. But, it also meant that her and her sister were eyed for new bloodlines since day one. Somehow that hadn't ended even when Lily joined the aurors.

" I hate to admit this, but you and Potter pretending to be together did have some use- kept bastards like this away. Maybe you should consider rekindling that flame."

" James and I have a strict agreement, he pops by on Christmas, says hello to my mother, she asks when the wedding is and falls asleep. Then she'll ask about him for the next year and I say that he's busy with work. It's worked for three years."

" For your doped up mother maybe, not for these slimy pieces of crap," Moody replied. " If not Potter, then someone else, I head Dave Fulbright's looking for someone to help him cover his preference for men from the tabloids."

" Don't worry about me Alastor, I'll be fine. I don't need some man protecting and besides, I've hexed half of the people in this file when we were kids, I'll be fine now."

Moody looked conflicted but nodded, saying goodbye and leaving soon after. Lily remained in her classroom, staring at the file he'd left for her, unable to turn and grade those essays.

---

The nightmares started when she came to Hogwarts. Maybe it was being back in this place, but somehow she was haunted every night. Images of her father's death, Mary's corpse, the light leaving Michael's eyes returned to her, worse than ever before. But Lily usually convinced Slughorn to let her use his stocks and brew herself some dreamless sleep draughts.

About a month into her stay as a teacher, she couldn't get any more without him insisting she attend not his Christmas party but now Valentine's day one as well. And Lily didn't want to make any more confirmations to him.

She was tired, cranky and groggy, struggling not to yawn as she trudged through her fourth day without the draught. Worse of all, she had her first patrol that day in three years. It wasn't a terribly great day. A second year cheated on a test and she had to lecture him, assigning detentions and docking points. She also received a letter from Petunia, stating that their mother hadn't gotten out of bed in a week. To top it off she was angry.

But Lily had to do the bloody patrol so she waited in the Entrance Hall at eleven pm, her hair loose and in messy curls from the nap she'd attempted, and her robes hazardously thrown over her pajamas.

" Flower."

No. No. No. Lily let out a loud groan, one that the owner of that voice had clearly heard as she turned, meeting James Potter's amused hazel eyes. Why couldn't she have bloody Binns for a partner, he'd float off and leave her alone?

" But Binns isn't as fun as me," James said, coming terribly close to her. Lily flushed, realizing she'd said that out loud and James's eyes twinkled.

" Let's get this over with," she said with a sigh, turning to turn to start with the dungeons.

" Not so fast Lily, we have to patrol together."

" Why in Merlin's left ballsack would I do that?" she asked, looking up to him with a frown.

" New rule, Dumbledore is insisting," he explained. Lily groaned again and rubbed her eyes.

" Fine- let's go then."

Ten minutes into the patrol, she was sure she was going to pop a vein, glaring at James. He was whistling the entire bloody time, keeping her from slumping into relaxation.

" Your godawful whistling is alerting any hoodlums that we're approaching," she said.

" Hoodlums?" James asked with a snort. " It wasn't more than three years since you were sneaking out with your very gorgeous Head Boy to shag in the Great Hall…"

" James! There could be students around," she snapped. Not that he needed to remind her of that night. They'd made a bet, whoever had gotten the higher score on a rather difficult Charms test could choose whether they'd shagged on the Gryffindor or Slytherin table. Nevertheless, James Potter studied for the first time in his pathetic life and there was an S shaped wood engravement pattern bruised into Lily's waist for two weeks afterwards…

" I'm sure they'd like to hear that their cold-shower thoughts professor was actually quite the excellent shagger."

" Excuse me?" " Don't tell me you haven't noticed the change in Hogwart's male population?" James asked, running a hand through his hair. " They've got Hogwart's hottest Head Girl as their Professor, who isn't more than three years older than the worst of them, top it off, she keeps turning around to write on her classroom board, giving them an excellent view of her arse from those tight skirts she keeps wearing."

" You're repulsive," Lily said with a shudder. Her room was oddly warmer than the rest of the classroom, leaving her to often teaching with her robes off, and her sweater and-

" Those wankers are casting heat charms on my room," she realized.

" Now you see it," James said with a frown. " Believe me I've been piling detentions on the gits who think they can talk about my Lily like that."

Lily's heart thumped hard at his words. My Lily…

" I'm not your anything Potter," she retorted. " Ugh, I forgot how sex-crazy teenagers were."

" Remember when you were one- practically mauled me every night. The lads on my team used to think I was getting beaten up from tho-"

Lily had pulled him down by his tie, which hung loosely around his neck and glared at him before smacking his head, letting go and heading down the hall.

" I could file you for harassment."

" Likewise Potter."

The patrol finally ended and she practically skipped to her classroom, falling onto her bed and immediately falling asleep, only to wake to a house elf, staring up at her with a scared expression.

" Professor has been summoned by Professor Dumbledore," the elf squeaked. Lily blindly, forced herself into her robes, muttering curses under her breath the entire time as she stumbled out of the door, wand in one hand. She clamored into Professor Dumbledore's office and he looked so together while she was sure her hair was the perfect way for a bird to attract a mate.

" I do apologize for summoning you so late," Professor Dumbledore said, seemingly unaware of her attire. " But I'm afraid there's a matter that demands you attention immediately."

" What is it?" Lily asked, brushing her hair back self-consciously.

" Your sister's been emitted to Mungos, fell down while trying to go to the loo.."

---

" Rabastian."

" She's still with the healers," the younger Lestrange brother said. Despite the fact that Lily did hate him for being a purist like his family, he never harmed Petunia and did looked worried. " They're not too sure if the baby's going to make it."

" I'm so sorry," Lily muttered, sitting beside him. She took his hand, giving it a squeeze before rising, hunting down a nurse and finding out more information. Petunia had fallen early that night, while Rabastian was at work and the elves had been eating. She remained unconscious for several minutes before one did discover her. Lily would hate to be that elf now, knowing her brother-in-law's wrathful nature to them. She'd been rushed to Mungos and was now being treated.

As more time passed, Lily grew more jumpy. She began to pace the waiting room, while Rabastian stared at the door of Petunia's room. As time ticked by, more and more people came by. First, were his parents, his mother wearing a horrified expression as she sobbed onto her son's lap and his father silent and brooding. After, were Petunia's closest friends, Evelyn Zabini and Celine Crabbe. Lily stayed away from the two, and even glowered as a reporter arrived, interviewing the two of them.

It was close to dawn when the door of the room opened and the healer asked for family. She and Rabastian came immediately, Lily's heart plummeting at the verdict. She'd lost another baby, this one a son. Rabastian's fist collided with the wall and a tear rolled down Lily's cheek as the two entered her room.

She hadn't gotten along with Petunia in their youth. Petunia was four years her elder, eager to wed an heir and start a family, not like their parents. After their father's death, Petunia seemed hellbent to find a husband, eventually snagging one of her suitors for marriage and leaving the Everett family home, a beach house where they'd been raised.

But Lily stared down at Petunia's body, pale as ice and breaths ragged, unable to think of anything other than the screaming terrified girl beside her that day so many years ago. Thinking about how she looked at Petunia, with her long brownish blonde locks, their father's carmel eyes and tan skin, and knew that Petunia, if not herself, had to live for something more.

As Rabastian's family streamed into the room, Lily felt out of place, sitting beside Petunia, brushing her hair back as they created a fuss, his elder brother arriving with his wife, her terrifying older cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Yet before Bellatrix could seek her out and attempt to imperius her into marrying Potter, someone's arms came around her shoulders.

" James heard about your sister Red," a voice muttered in her ear. " Prongs couldn't make it and sent me."

She turned to see Sirius Black, one of the people she hated most in this world. He was still gorgeous, a living Adonis, James's brother in all ways, and the person who stood by as Dante Mulciber raped her best friend. But his stormy grey eyes revealed something and Lily was so tired and disturbed that she suddenly found herself turned into his chest, crying into Sirius's clean shirt.

---

She woke on top of a clean room, one unfamiliar to her but Lily rose, her head aching sharply as she recalled what had happened the previous night and morning. It was late outside, she could make out the sun beginning to set and rubbed her forehead, inching up slowly and standing.

Blindly, Lily made her way from the room, stumbling down a staircase and facing a front door, where James Potter stood, handing his cloak to a house elf. He looked up to meet her gaze and it was only then that Lily noticed her attire- a men's shirt that hung loosely off her shoulder and barely cover her appropriately.

" Where am I?"

" Potter townhouse- where I grew up, I'm pretty sure you used to climb over your window into my old bedroom."

She swallowed, his joke not easing her and James came forward.

" I'm so sorry about your sister," he murmured, pulling her into his arms. She let him hold her, rubbing her back as her legs shook weakly. Eventually, she buried her face in the fabric of his shirt and let her hands come up onto his chest.

" I had Sirius bring you here, didn't want you being around Lestrange's bunch for long," he explained. " Had to take care of some work last night before I could come."

" James?"

" Yes?"

" Who changed me?"

James chuckled, his chest vibrating against her face and she looked up, him smirking down at her. " I've seen your body enough times to know it by heart, besides Sirius knows his boundaries with you." She nodded, and James sighed, noticing how she didn't react to anything he said. Eventually he lifted her into his arms, carrying her back to the bed, Lily resting against him as he put her down, staring at her as she met his gaze weakly.

" Why are you being so nice to me?"

" Don't ask me that," he snapped, anger flashing on his face. Lily blinked and James swallowed, looking away. She turned over from him, shutting her eyes and fighting the urge to groan from her head ache.

" They're moving her to Rabastian's house tomorrow morning, we can go and visit, stay as long as you nee-"

" No, I'll go," she said, sitting up, tugging the shirt down. " You've done quite enough for me and I think this is a family matter."

" Do you think they'll let you in without me?" James asked in a quiet voice. She wanted to deny it, but knowing her sister's in-laws it was probably true. Lily pulled her legs in, curling into a ball and resting her chin on her knees.

" I have to be back at the school by Monday morning but Dumbledore's excused you for more time."

" I'll go back with you," she said softly. " Tuney probably won't want me around for long."

James squeezed her shoulder, rising to leave. Lily watched him walk to the door but a weak sound escaped her mouth and she managed to choke out his name. James turned, and catching her expression, came back, holding her as she fell into a fitful sleep for the night.

---

The next morning, after showering and changing into a pair of clothing that James had transfigured for her, Lily let him side-along her to Lestrange Estate. They entered through the main gate and Lily stood by James's side, ignoring the reporters in the main sitting room, entertained by Rabastian's brother and father. They were led up to Rabastian and Petunia's chambers and Lily's eyes immediately softened, seeing her sister, sitting up, speaking in a hoarse voice with her mother-in-law.

" Tuney."

She looked up, brown eyes meeting Lily's and Petunia's skin paled slightly as Lily came to her side.

" I'm so sorry," she whispered.

" Sorry for what?" Petunia asked, in a blank voice. Lily frowned and covered it with a gentle expression.

" Your baby, I-"

" Don't be sorry Lily," Petunia cut her off, a light in her eyes. " Be angry."

" Excuse me?"

Petunia had a new look to her eyes, something Lily had never seen in her eyes but the sight of it terrified her, making Lily want to protect Petunia.

" Rabastian said you left early- you wouldn't know that it was Order members that attacked me, killing my baby to spite the Dark Lord," Petunia explained. Lily gaped at her sister, but before she could speak, perhaps knock some sense into her sister, Bellatrix cleared her throat from the doorway.

" I think that's enough for one morning. Petunia's awfully tired and will need rest in the time to come, she's speaking with the press about the actions of rogue followers of the Order later today."

She was ushered out by Rabastian's mother and as the door to Petunia's room shut, Lily whirled around, anger in her eyes as she faced the Lestranges.

" You can't expect people to but the bullshit you've told my sister," she hissed in anger. Rabastian's eyes flickered with annoyance but it was Bellatrix who spoke.

" Were you there?" Bellatrix demanded. " No you were- so you wouldn't, no would anyone else know if there had truly been Order spies who came and attacked Petunia. One of our elves said he saw it with his own eyes, couldn't identify the men and the press believes it- you're the only one who does. And, Petunia will need strength to draw on in the coming days, she'll have a month of rest, and then she must try for another child."

" She nearly died."

" The future is key," Bellatrix explained, a manically expression in her eyes. " Speaking of which, we did have some concerns for you Lily, but James Potter seems to have not lost his loyalty to you…"

Lily was silent and Bellatrix nodded, leading her downstairs. But fury brimmed in Lily as they reached the other Lestranges and James strangely. James was speaking to Rudolphus in a low tone, running a hand through his hair before looking up to see her.

" All of you are despicable," Lily spat, even giving James a glare. She stomped past the family, heading to the door, knowing that James was probably apologizing behind her, before following her.

" Lily." And there he was. But she ignored him, leaving the Estate and continuing out of it, down the main path. Yet James's legs were so much longer than hers and he caught up with her soon enough.

James grabbed her and Lily stared up at him.

" What do you want me to say?" she demanded. " That it's all for the greater good? That this bloody war is more important than my sister knowing the truth?"

" I want you to think," James hissed, unexpected fury in his eyes. " Do you understand what your sister married into? The Lestranges are more than insane- and you deciding to yell at them isn't going to do you any good. Don't get me started on your cousin- do you want Bellatrix to pop by your house and convince your mum to sign you off to me, or perhaps someone worse."

Lily gaped up at him and James laughed coldly.

" Of course you don't- you never think about anything other than the bloody surface of things," he scoffed. James let go of her for a moment, turning and pacing before her, running a hand through his hair before sighing, shoving his glasses up his nose.

" There's only so much I can do Lily," he said in a tired voice. " I've been covering your tracks for years, trying to get you to come back to me of your own will. But we're running out of time an I can't lose you."

His words frightened her, terrified her more than anything, with the assurance of a man who knew how this war was going to end.

" I'm tired Lily," James whispered. " So bloody tired of bloodshed and war and these games. I want it to be over, trust me."

" Only after you slaughter millions," she returned.

" For the greater good."

" Do you still believe you're the hero here?" she scoffed.

With that, James touched her, turning her face up so she was forced to meet his gaze. His hot breath hit her mouth and Lily's lips parted slightly.

" Do you?" he returned, but it seemed more to himself than her, as he leaned down and caught her lips between his own.

---

" Open your textbooks to page 176, we'll be doing written work today to prepare for the assessment Friday, and yes it will count for 10% of your grade for the year," Lily stated, entering the DADA room. Her students stared, not following her orders and she raised a brow, glaring at them. " Well get to work before I dock points."

They acted quickly, swinging their textbooks to their desks from their bags and setting to work. Lily went to her desk, sitting and grading the work she had leftover from the past week. With her weekend, she hadn't had any time to grade papers.

It was a good distraction and the period ended soon enough, the students leaving quickly, probably spreading the word that she was in a bad mood. By the time her seventh years rolled around, Lily had finished most of the grading, working through lunch and her free periods.

" We'll be doing practical work today- get with your partners and start practicing banishing spells on the clocks in the box here, in the room next door- I don't want to lose another window," Lily ordered, rising.

She usually let them amble over in five minutes, following after they got comfortable to give judgement and advice.

" I was sorry to hear about your sister."

Lily looked up, finishing stacking the papers, to meet Regulus Black's grey eyes. Again she was reminded of his brother, seeing Sirius so recently only made her more sure of this.

" Thank you," she said, lips pursed. Regulus nodded, before, stuffing his hand into the pocket of his robes. He pulled out a magazine and shoved it into her line of sight, a chuckle escaping his lips.

Lily was unable to not to stare at the article in the magazine, an image of her and James, a good distance down the Lestrange Estate, terribly close together before kissing. Potter heir comforts school time love?

" What garbage is that?"

" Reporters were interviewing the family but I'm afraid you and James gave them more of a show," Regulus explained with a smug expression. " Do I get a place in the wedding party?'

" Out," she ordered, brandishing her wand. " Get out."

Regulus followed her orders, but left the magazine on her desk. Lily stared at the damned thing, giving it a glare before leaving to her class. After it was over however, she returned to her desk, quickly scanning the article and groaning as she finished it.

She should have known something was off, many of her students giving her strange stares all day. But Lily hadn't expected this. After James had kissed her, after getting over her initial shock, Lily had proceeded to pull away from him, punching him before aparating away.

In fact, she hadn't seen James since arriving at Hogwarts. No, instead Lily avoided him and all possible places she might run into him, preferring to hide out in her room. The elves had been more than willing to help her, delivering meals to her rooms.

She groaned, slamming the magazine down on her desk and rubbed her forehead. Nothing good was going to come from interacting with James Potter. Although, she saw him at least once a year, Lily tried to block out any news on him, and found herself rereading the article, pausing at new bits of information.

Like he'd planned, he joined Puddlemere United straight out of Hogwarts, him and Sirius leading them to top of the league. Yet he left the team afterwards, pursuing a career leading his father's company. From what she remembered from their seventh year, James hated the idea of working there so what changed? She knew Fleamont Potter had died their sixth year, but years later James chose to go to Sleekeazy's, the successful company Fleamont started. From what she read, he'd done a well enough job, but there was something off, gaps and pieces missing in the story.

And her, well the magazine made sure to include her mother's family in full note before descending into a horrific description of her life, too in-detail. Lily frowned when it mentioned Michael, the two of them working in the auror office for two years.

She eventually shut the magazine to rest her head against her desk, shutting her eyes, still feeling tired. It wasn't fair, any of this. It wasn't fair that Petunia was being lied to. And it was certainly wrong that Regulus could parade like a peacock through the castle, no one to stop him. Lily began to scrawl out a letter to Marlene, trying to distract herself from these thoughts, only for the door to her classroom to open.

" Honey I'm home," James called entering. She looked up, meeting his smug hazel eyes before hiding the letter under some tests.

" Do you want something?"

" You, legs spread and those perfect tits in my hands."

" Something you can actually get," Lily replied with a sickly sweet smile. James shook his head, a smile on his face as he reached her desk.

" I actually came to inform you that we're required to supervise the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor sections at the game on Saturday."

" Supervise?"

" New rule, some bits set off fireworks last year and nearly blew the stands off," he explained.

" I see," she answered, straightening the papers of her desk. " You do Ravenclaw and I'll do Gryffindor."

" And miss out on spending some long hours with my darling Lily, I don't think so."

James's eyes flew down to her desk and he saw the magazine, opened to the page of them kissing. His grin spread even wider and Lily bit back a groan as he picked it up, and read through it.

" Lily Everett has been single for three years," he read before meeting her gaze. " You know I'm available to relieve any tension down there."

" I'd have better odds with a whomping willow branch."

" Ah you weren't saying that three years ago, in fact I think there used to be a lot of screaming on your part."

" Get out," Lily spat. " I have work to do."

" Is Marlene McKinnon really more important than me," James asked.

" How did you know I was writing Marlene?" Lily demanded. He gestured to her desk and Lily noticed the first two words, Dear Marlene, peaking out from under the stack of tests.

" Sirius said he saw her at Mungos recently," James offered. " Still as fit as seventh year."

" You're disgusting."

" Hey for the record I've never looked at McKinnon that way, in fact you're the only one from that lot I've shagged."

" James my students can walk in at any moment, I don't think they need to hear about our history."

" I'm sure it's a lot more interesting than the questions they must have," he replied. " DADA's going to be obsolete in a matter of months."

" What's that suppose to mean?"

" What do you think?"

Lily met his eyes and swallowed, a nervous expression coming onto her face at his statement. James ran a hand through his hair and nodded.

" You'll be coming with me to Marius Fawley's wedding next weekend," he said. Catching Lily's outraged expression James continued, " Or you'll have to tell your darling mother that we're not actually together."

" For Merlin's sake, I've been fine for the past three years, I don't need you butting in my life anymore, nor do I want to attend one of those ghastly pureblood gatherings."

" You don't have a choice in this Lily," James returned, his eyes flashing with something new. " You know the consequences and I know you- you're too nice to break your mum's heart that way."

" I hate you," Lily hissed. She was leaning over her desk now, inches away from James and his eyes flew to her lips, James suddenly kissing her. James's hands were fisted in her hair and she had hers squeezing his shoulders angrily.

He ignored her, biting at her lower lip and forcing it open as Lily moaned into his mouth, her hands now pulling his shirt closer to him. She realized the desk was the obstacle here, and came onto it in one fluid motions, papers under her butt and things kicked aside as she straddled him.

His tongue came to hers and Lily whimpered as his hands went lower, trailing to her hips and pulling her flush against him.

" Lils," he groaned as she nipped at his lips. She opened her eyes, meeting his darkened ones and James growled, attacking her with kisses going south. Lily's hands froze as they weakly attempted to unbutton his shirt, the second James began to suck on her pulse. He nipped at it as she got half his buttons undone, giving up and simply ripping the shirt free.

For the first time in years, Lily let her hands trail over the planes of James Potter's abdomen and chest and found herself internal shocked at the fact that he was even more fit than he had been in their seventh year.

" Don't stop," he groaned, hands tugging at her shirt. James came up as she gasped, him taking her lips in her own. " James," she moaned into his mouth, him pulling her closer. He'd gotten her shirt nearly off as Lily's inner thigh grazed his, Lily flushing as she felt a certain part of him harden. It was then that he got her shirt off, looking down at her chest and muttering a curse under his breath.

Again his lips met hers, his glasses hitting her face and Lily was reminded of him in their seventh year, revealing the first thing she'd known him to be self-conscious about- his sight. The first time they'd been together, she'd been too caught up in the pleasure of it to notice he hadn't taken them off, but after as they continued to shag, she did and he explained his vulnerability, being nearly blind without them.

" Merlin I've been waiting for this," he sighed, reaching her bra and nimbly removing it. Lily could feel her lace underwear become wet as James stared at her chest, entranced by the sight of her breasts.

" Fuck me," he muttered before groping one, his mouth on the other, kissing his way to her-

" James," she gasped. He smirked against her nipple, nipping the skin near it and Lily felt pleasure ripple through her at this. " We can't," she managed. " shag- Oh Merlin!- door James!"

He seemed to understand what she was saying and lifted her from the desk, carrying her to the staircase that led up to her private rooms. Lily's legs were tight around his waist, perhaps crushing it as she ripped her hands through his impossibly soft locks of midnight black hair.

" Let me in," he ordered, reaching her door. Lily's back was against it as he growled against her neck, biting at the soft skin there. But something stopped her from saying the words that would let him into her room. In the hazy mist of lust, something came to her and she found herself realizing that the man she had her hips around had let her best friend be tortured for years, had caused her so much pain and might have even played a role in Michael's death.

" No," she gasped, pushing him away. She slipped from his hips and James caught her, still kissing her neck. " James get off."

He looked up at her words and only let go of her when she started to squirm in his arms. James's expression was clouded as she covered her breasts with one hand, breath shallow as she tried to force the lust away.

" Don't fight it," he purred. But she shook her head, stumbling back into the door and swallowing.

" Leave," she ordered him. " Please just go."

And before he could move, she ripped the door open, it sending him back as she slipped inside of her room and shut it behind her. Lily felt James try and open it but it wouldn't. He cursed, and she slid down the wall next to the door, shaking as her mind returned to her.

She was useless when he was around. He made her feel like the innocent seventeen year old girl who was let a monster take her virginity. He made her feel as though there was nothing wrong with them sleeping together, them being together.

James had always fit her perfect, but she felt bile come up her throat as she remembered what triggered her reaction at the end. She'd looked down to his chest, only for her eyes to catch on the black bit of ink on his arm- Voldemort's mark permanently stained on the arm of the man she thus had no choice but to hate.

" Dammit," Lily muttered, her hands going into fists as she took a deep breath. There was no way she could make it through the year, being alone with James- she'd tried before and it didn't work. But, he was right the war was already won, it was only a matter of months before it was all over…

---

Lily tucked her old Gryffindor Scarf around her neck before heading off to the pitch for the first game of the season. It was cold for early October, something she hadn't expected, choosing to dress in a short sleeve shirt and jeans. Most of the students were in sweaters, still chilled and Lily smiled as a pair on a date snuggled close together.

" Professor Everett did you leave your cloak inside?"

She turned to see one of her seventh years. Maclin Rigby, the oldest son from a Diggory offshoot family, was with his friends. He was captain of the Hufflepuff team, but this game, the first of the season was always Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. Rigby's mates wore sly expressions as she smiled and shook her head.

" No, I'm afraid I was just hoping the weather would be better- summer holding out," she explained, brushing her hair back. The locks had gotten windswept as goosebumps appeared on Lily's arm, something the Hufflepuff had not missed.

" Can't have Hogwarts' favorite professor sick," he said, pulling his cloak off. Lily's eyes widened at his movements and she shook her head.

" Really it's fine Mr. Davies," Lily protested. Rigby's friends were smirking as he continued.

" My mum would hex me if I weren't being a gentleman," he replied. Lily continued to protest and before he could slip the robe over her shoulders, someone else beat him. Lily nearly stumbled as a thick cloak fell over her shoulders, the scent of apples and something earthy coming over her.

" Sorry Mr. Rigby, but I've known Professor Everett enough to know to bring an extra cloak," a husky voice chuckled. Lily looked up and saw James standing behind her, his fingers adjusting the cloak over her as Maclin gaped, his friends laughing.

He slipped his arm over her shoulder and winked to Rigby " We'll be off then. I've got to see if Reg's doing a good job of bringing my team honor," he called before pulling Lily along.

" You didn't need to bully the poor kid," she said.

" He'd probably wet himself if you wore his cloak- bloody git was talking about your chest in my class the other day," James said with a scowl. Lily tried to move out from under his arm but she was cornered.

For the past week, she'd succeeded in avoiding him, staying in her rooms, teaching or fleeing to the company of other professors and students. James couldn't seduce her in a room full of their colleagues. She'd managed to switch patrol partners with Slughorn, ending up with Binns who was intent on doing them separate, but Lily didn't mind.

" His friends were watching," she said with a frown. " He's probably hurt."

" Good, I've got plans to hurt him," James said, low enough for only Lily to hear. " The things they've said about you…"

They'd reached the pitch now, students streaming in and more than one set of eyes coming over to her and James.

" It's not like my female students haven't been mooning at you- but I resist publicly humiliating them," Lily retorted.

" So you admit you care- you know all it takes is one word and I-"

" Bugger off," she replied. But her cheeks were flushed, her excitement for the game too much for James's behavior to ruin it. He chuckled, his hand squeezing her shoulder as he led her up into the stands.

Lily stumbled on the end of his cloak, James righting her with no word, it coming naturally to him. She scowled up at him, huffing as she pulled the too long sleeves of his robe up.

" Rigby's robes would have fit me better," she huffed.

" But you like mine more," James returned, a grin growing on his face. He looked tired and Lily didn't want to think about how he was spending his nights, perhaps killing or worse. But James Potter was still James Potter and there was no way to keep a smile off of his face.

" You're such a prat."

" Your prat."

She couldn't help but laughing at this as they sat in the fringes of the Ravenclaw section. The wind was bad and James sat first before pulling her close. Students were eying them and she fought the urge to duck her head, hiding from their curious gazes.

" So do you think your team's picked up anyone good?" " Gryffindor could play with just first years and we'd still cream you," she replied. " We've got more spirit."

James's lips picked up, twitching at first. " Care to wager on that?" She faltered, recalling some of James's worst bets with her. To her embarrassment, there was an entire week in the January of her seventh year that she'd gone with knickers as a result of him predicting the outcome of a notorious McGonagall vs. Slughorn fight. But something about seeing Hogwarts' pitch and the entire student body assembled, excited for the game made her mind shift into a light form, after all she hadn't had the time to watch a game in years…

" What kind?" " If the Gryffindorks win I'll grade all of your papers for you for the next six months," he offered, but then a wicked grin appeared in his eyes. " If Slytherin wins, you'll start sleeping in my bed."

" For how long?"

" Until you write to your mum and tell her we're not actually together," he replied. The terms were brutal, but Lily nearly moaned at the thought of not having to read the second years' attempt at a paper, doing it the night before. She decided to throw caution to the wind and nodded, sticking her hand out.

" Now you won't go back on this deal Miss Everett," James asked in a drawl.

" Have I ever?"

" I still think about that lovely night in the Great Hall," he said with a fond expression. " I had the elves disinfect the area of course, but I wonder how those prats would feel if they knew their perfect professor was bent over on the Slytherin table naked."

" Don't be crass," she murmured. James chuckled at her warning as the game started. Lily watched with no distraction, rising up with joyful shouts at every score made by her team. She even gave James a superior smirk as the Gryffindor beaters managed to hit the Slytherin Seeker, Regulus, so he was thrown off the snitch's lead.

" Have you played recently?" There was a lull in the game and Lily was sitting down, the cloak pulled around her tightly.

" Not since seventh year," she said with a sigh. " No time."

" You were good," he said with slightly surprise. " Always assumed you'd play if it wasn't for that goody-goody heart of yours."

" I love Quidditch but I couldn't imagine playing it," she replied. " Maybe I would have opened a bakery in Diagon Alley or travelled- joined up with the Magical Creatures Research my father used to do."

James was silent, lost in thought and Lily coughed.

" So why did you quit?"

" What?"

" Puddlemere- they thought you were going to be the best Chaser the team had had in decades!"

" Made a deal with my mum, after I came first in the league, she said I'd have to do something useful. Didn't think it'd be so soon."

" I'm sorry."

" Don't be," James stated, looking down at her. " I'm doing better stuff now, mum was right, I was too smart to be spending my time playing Quidditch." " And Sirius isn't?" " Nah, he's a right git," he replied. " Loves the game too much." Lily watched James for a moment, struck by his maturity. He'd been crass and immature when they were younger and she never thought he would grow up much, but something had changed.

" And Black catches the snitch," Jared Davies cries over the Pitch. " Slytherin wins 230-190!"

" Fuck," Lily muttered, realizing what had just happened. The color drained from her face as James's face lit up, a smirk growing on his face. " I'll see you tonight," he said, standing up and tugging on a lock of her hair. He left her and Lily swallowed, watching him leave, knowing that she was an idiot, letting him coax her into being relaxed and then attacking.

---

That night, after her patrol, Lily showered before changing into her pajamas, not before cursing herself for her usual sleep attire, a tight camisole and rather small flannel shorts. As she looked in the mirror, she blanched noting that they'd shrunken, barely covering her bum.

With a sigh, she pulled her robe on, pocketing her wand before shuffling off to James's classroom. It was on the floor above hers, right above her classroom and Lily reached it as James was returning from his patrol.

" I'm quite tired," he said with a yawn, reaching her. " Ready for bed."

Lily gave him a dirty look before following him inside. She'd never been to his classroom before. It was dimly lit and James led her forward, keeping Lily from getting a good look around. She followed him to the back, him stopping in front of a portrait on his wall.

" Minnie usually stays in Gryffindor tower so they had these chambers made for me," he explained. The knight in the portrait gave James a salute and James spoke, " Stag."

Lily raised a brow as the portrait swung open, and snorted at his password. James turned, grinning at her and gestured for her to enter. She walked inside, finding herself in a mini common room, two doors to the left side of it, the back covered by bookshelves and a large window, a window bench under it.

His chambers were oddly clean, some photos in the bookshelves and books neatly stacked. Before the fire, a cat rested, Lily's attention sparked.

" Charlemagne," she called, the golden cat turning to her. His eyes narrowed slightly but he came over, practically prancing as he stopped at James's feet. James chuckled, leaning down and scratching the cat under the chin.

" You stole my cat," Lily said with a frown. He lifted Charlemagne and shook his head.

" I gave him to you and the angel came to me actually- somehow his cage ended up in my luggage and you never did ask," James pointed out. " Come to think of it what did you think happened to him?"

" I thought he'd run off into the woods or something," she said with a frown. " He was always wandering around…"

" You're awful," James said with a snort. Lily glared at him and reached for the cat, who seemed content in James's arms. Charlemagne shot her a dirty look before turning over, meowing to James.

" You've turned my cat against me," she accused.

" You're the one who abandoned him," James pointed out, putting the cat down. Charlemagne gave Lily a superior look before returning to the couch, making himself comfortable atop it.

She couldn't suppress a yawn, it nearing midnight and James smirked.

" Tired?" " Not in the least," Lily replied, but another yawn escaped her lips. James chuckled before tugging her forward to his bedroom. Truth be told she was exhausted, after the game she'd been forced to go with Hagrid, the groundskeeper, into the Forbidden Forest to speak with the giant spiders there, it hadn't gone well and Lily could still feel the smack of twigs hitting her face…

Too tired to protest, Lily's eyes zoomed in on James's bed and she was in it before he could speak. She'd dropped her robe on the door to the side and left her shoes there, crawling under the covers. He turned the light off, disappearing for a bit, to the room next door. She could hear the water running and turn off, him returning in padded footsteps.

" Hi."

His minty breath hit her and Lily nearly jumped in surprise. She turned over in the bed, reaching out only for her hands to hit his bare chest.

" Are you shirtless?" she asked in a groan. James's arm came to her waist and he pulled her close to him, Lily's legs hitting his.

" You're the one in those shorts," he replied, hand coming up her leg. Lily flushed attempting to squirm away but he held her in place, groaning as he felt her backside.

" Still as fit as ever," he said with an appreciative sigh.

" You're disgusting," she groaned.

" I'm just admiring," he replied, relaxing against her. Lily bit back a sigh as his solid abs were flush against her breasts. She tucked her head into his chest and James ran his hands through her hair. The motion lulled her to sleep and she fell in easily.

---

She woke up with a content feeling spread through her, making her toes curl. Lily looked up to see James's face, his mouth partially open and muscles relaxed.

He was heartbreakingly gorgeous, in an unusual way. James's skin was almost golden in color, a few scars on his stomach and arms that would seem odd on anyone else but made him more gorgeous. His face was masculine in definition and Lily's lips twitched up as she saw the mess than was his hair.

She reached up, managed to free her arm from his grip around her waist and ran her hand through his inky locks. James let out a noise in his sleep, his grip tightening on her waist as she continued her ministrations.

" Morning."

She looked up to see him staring down at her, his eyes dark as her hand froze. James smirked at this and leaned down, nuzzling her neck.

" I'd kill to wake up to this," he sighed, running a hand along her side. Eventually he let go of her, pulling away and Lily sat up in confusion, wondering why he was going.

" Where are you going?" she asked, as he walked away. She could hear him shuffling items outside the bed, but stayed in, pulling the covers closer.

" Supposed to meet Pad- Sirius and Remus for lunch today," he said, reappearing. He was holding a toothbrush and she frowned.

" How late is it?"

" Nearly noon."

She groaned, lying back in his bed. She had stacks of papers to grade and classes to map out, and she hadn't gotten sleep like that since her night in his family townhouse. Eventually a pair of hands tugged the covers back and Lily glared up at James, his hair, while wet, still was rising up into messy locks.

" Come on," he said, pulling her up. " You've got better things to do than bum about in my bed- no matter how happy that makes me."

Lily sighed, sitting up and pulling away from him. She straightened her clothing before rising, brushing her hair back and stretching lazily. James watched her, his mouth falling open slightly as she dipped low to tap her toes.

" You're catching flies Potter," she said. The tips of his ears turned red and he rose from the bed, running a hand through his hair.

" I'll see you tonight," James said, reaching for his wand. Lily smirked as he left the room, pulling her robe over her shoulders. Maybe there were some things she could win, when James Potter was involved.

---

" Alice," she sighed in greeting, embracing her friend. It was a Hogsmeade weekend and Lily took the opportunity to meet with her friends. Alice and Frank had been the only ones free to come, but they'd brought someone along with them.

" You don't mind that Gideon's here? He's just returned from France, spent two years there with the Department of International Magical Cooperation," Alice said with a worried expression.

" Of course not," she said, eyeing the man standing beside Frank. Lily thought she'd recognized him. Although the Prewitt twins, Alice's cousins, were not idential, he did resemble his brother, Sirius's co-beater on Puddlemere, quite a bit. Gideon Prewitt was taller than Fabian, built well-enough but slightly gangly. His hair was a copper tint, much lighter than her cherry-red locks, and the ends curled up. But his chocolate brown eyes were warm as he extended a hand in Lily's direction.

" Gideon Prewitt," he said in greeting.

" I remember you," Lily said. " You were Head Boy when I was a fourth year."

He had a sheepish expression as Frank laughed.

" Remember when you upheld the law mate," he said with a chortle. Gideon's face flushed red and Lily decided she liked him even more, any redhead to suffer from excessively flushing was a friend to her.

The four went to The Three Broomsticks and Lily sipped at her drink, butterbear with a little fire whiskey added in, as they spoke in low voices.

" The kids are fine- they're just amped up security on the castle so much," she explained. " There's aurors here you know, undercover."

" I thought I spotted one of the Dearborns," Alice said, glancing out the window. Time seemed to slip by and eventually it was almost dusk, Alice and Frank having to leave to meet his mother for dinner.

" But Gideon's got nothing to do- maybe you two could go out for dinner, keep the party going for us?" Alice asked. Lily gave her a look, knowing that she'd fallen into a trap. Her friends had set her up, something Marlene and Alice dabbled in weekly before Michael had died.

" Of course and have fun with Augusta," she said with a sickly sweet smile, knowing that Frank's mother and Alice did not get along whatsoever. Alice gave her a look as the pair left, appearing in a flash. She turned to Gideon with a smile and he returned it, revealing a pair of dimples.

They'd gone to Diagon Alley, apparating there before choosing a restaurant in muggle London. Lily sat across him, listening to him tell her about France and oddly enjoying this setup. She knew she should have hated it, but there was something different about Gideon, something that calmed her considerably.

" Fabian and I try and speak about once a week, but we're not as close as we were in Hogwarts," he explained when she asked about his brother. " He was a bit peeved when I turned down Puddlemere's offer to play."

" I don't get along with Petunia, my sister, either. She found it rather peculiar that I was sorted in Gryffindor- mum's side's been strictly Slytherin," Lily replied. Gideon got a funny look and chuckled.

" I never did put that together- you're a Black," he said. " I mean in name only, you're nothing like those gits."

She smiled at his statement and the night continued, the pair returning to Diagon Alley and walking around as the shops began to close. It was mid October, the air cold and Lily smiled as she watched a young boy give his little sister a ride on his back.

" You like kids?"

" Love them, but I dunno if I'd be good at parenting," she replied.

" I've started watching Molly, my sister's, kids lately- they're great. I wouldn't mind some ankle-biters," Gideon explained, watching the siblings with her. She smiled at him and found him already looking at her, his eyes on her lips.

" I'm going to kiss you," he said, more of a realization than asking permission. And Lily let his lips fall against hers, his lips oddly soft against hers and the kiss breaking soon enough. But she couldn't keep a stupid grin off her face and neither could he. That was until a wand tip landed on Gideon's chest.

" Lily get up and away from that blood traitor," a cold voice ordered. She looked up, paling when she saw James. His face was frozen, wrath promising and she swallowed hard.

" James what are you doing?" she demanded. His eyes didn't leave Gideon's figure as he spoke, voice tight and clipped.

" She doesn't know what you do at night does she?" he said to Gideon. " People like you can't have relationships- you're making my Lily into collateral damage."

" What in Merlin's name are you blathering off about Potter?" she asked again, her voice surprisingly icy. She had risen, moving between James and Gideon but James merely grabbed her, pushing her behind him.

Gideon's face remained calm as he rose, giving James a blank look.

" I've got no clue what you're talking about."

" Don't pretend with me," James hissed. " You don't think that the Dark Lord's not got a source- I know every member of your little club- a bunch of fools who know how this war is going to end."

" James stop you've got no place here," Lily begged. People were watching but no one got close, and she swore she could see a camera flash as James held her arm roughly.

" And do you think Lily's going to want a murdering psychopath?" Gideon asked, both of them ignoring her. " Her friends were worried- saw that she was associating with you, didn't want her to end up as some pureblood housewife. And I'd do a hell of a better job keeping her happy."

James's fist collided with Gideon's face as Lily screamed, wriggling free from his grip as the two began to fight. But it was clear James was winning.

" Stop it," she ordered, moving between the two of them, holding her hand up to either's chest. " Both of you just stop."

James looked down at her, his eyes flashing but he moved back, taking her with him.

" Stay away from her- don't risk Lily," James hissed, his grip on her wrist tight. People moved closer and Lily glanced at the crowd, swallowing hard as James apparated them away.

She landed in his arms in the bedroom in Potter townhouse. Before Lily could scream or yell at him, James let go of her, retreating to his bathroom. Lily followed him in and fought the urge to attack him as he dabbed at his lip with a towel.

" What the fuck is your problem?" she demanded. James didn't turn and she came over to him, forcing him around. " We're not dating, I don't even like you!"

" My problem," James hissed. " Is that you were prancing around in public with Gideon Prewitt of all people."

" What's wrong with Gideon?" James laughed, his lip's split letting out a drop of blood.

" He's going to die Lily- Prewitt's got a killing curse aimed for his head, it's just a matter of when for his death," James explained. " Besides that, well I do intend to have children with you so I'd prefer for them to not have to worry about being a Prewitt."

Lily's heart thumped loudly in her chest at this statement and she frowned up at him. " You're insane."

" Am I?" James had leaned down so their faces were close and she could feel his hands hovering, ready to mold into her waist but Lily shoved him back, shaking her head.

" I'm not going to kiss you- I have to get back to Gideon, oh Merlin you broke his nose!" Lily turned, anxiously walking away when James grabbed her, turning her around. Before she could protest, he kissed her, not like before, this one was hard and violent and claiming. Lily made a noise of protest and tried to escape his arms, but James wouldn't let go.

" James," she gasped against his lips, giving him the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth. Lily tried fighting it, but her wand had fallen to the ground in her surprise and she simple hadn't had sex in three years and James knew all the right buttons to push.

Her hands moved from her sides to his shoulders, fingers digging into the material of his shirt and James growled as he pressed her into the wall. His lips left hers and Lily gulped down air as James ravaged her neck, a whimper escaping her mouth as he bit the soft skin there and sucked on it.

He came up to cradle her face in his large hand, forcing Lily to stare up at him. She hated him, more than anything- Regulus was right he was her keeper, but she couldn't stop herself from reaching up and bringing his face down to hers.

" I hate you," she declared before kissing him. James smirked against her lips, pressing her into the wall even more. He suddenly lifted her and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her to his bed before dumping her down and climbing over her.

" I know," he said, stroking her cheek. " But I'm tired of watching you and waiting."

She shivered at his tone and James tried to get her shirt off before giving up and ripping it clean off. Before Lily could protest, he pulled her up to meet his lips, squeezing her breasts in his hands.

Lily tugged at his shirt, practically mewling as he chuckled, letting go to pull it off. Immediately, her hands found their way to his abs, and she glided them over his stomach before reaching up for his messy locks. James's lips met hers and she bit at them, only for the taste of copper to come to her lips, reminding her of what they were doing.

Lily tried to pull away, but James recognized her movements and simply tightened his grip, forcing her arms above her head and shaking his head.

" No, I'm not letting you get away again," he said, something new, raw in his voice. Lily struggled beneath him but his grip did not change.

" I want to," she admitted. James separated her legs, pinning her down with his own. " But you're a Death Eater James, you do awful things, how do you expect me to sleep with you?"

" I don't care about your conscious," James snapped. " Tell me you don't want this and I'll let you go off with the blood traitors and mud bloods."

Lily's eyes narrowed and she stared up at him. He smirked.

" You don't have the self control."

" Test me," Lily dared. And he did, letting go of her and pulling her head up. James's lips came to hers, nipping and licking and he entered her mouth, growling when she didn't react. His hands roamed her body and Lily sucked in her breath as they traced over her knickers.

But as James smirked against her lips, knowing he was going to win, she forced herself, drawing all of the will power in her, to not react, to remain prone and stiff. As he forced her skirt up, batting away the lace of her underwear, James chuckled.

" I know you too well love, you're so wet," he noted with a pleased tone. Lily refused to move, her heart racing as his finger came to the nub of nerves at her apex. She shut her eyes and remained still, James frowning as he stroked her.

" Give in," he ordered. " I can see you fighting me, but there's not point, I've always been stronger."

A whimper escaped her mouth and he brought his finger in a circle, causing Lily's toes to curl up as she gasped a ragged breath. James's face didn't fall as he stopped suddenly.

She stared at him in shock and James shrugged, moving to go. But before he could go, Lily brought his face down for a warm kiss. She grabbed his hair, tugging on it as she forced his mouth open, coming in.

With a satisfied sound, James hiked her legs up his waist, his hands on her butt as his lips tangled with hers. She fell back into the bed as he swiftly pulled her skirt and knickers from her body. Lily came up, giving into the crushing lust that pulsed in her veins for the past month, her core humming with pleasure as she flipped their positions, straddling him as James backed into the head board.

" I've waited too long for this," he sighed, tugging her bra off so she was fully naked. His eyes came down to her body and Lily felt a flush creep up her chest to her cheeks as his eyes followed.

" Missed that more than anything," he said with a smirk, following the flush with his mouth. Lily's hips bucked against his and and she couldn't keep back a moan as James's hand moved down to her inner thigh.

" James," she whimpered, as he glided his index finger over the length of her entrance. She writhed on top of him, practically begging him to enter as his lips came down to her left breast.

" Yes?"

" Please," she begged, shaking with want. His lips pulled up against her skin and he nipped at her nipple, watching the rosy nub tighten, before sucking on it. Lily cried out as he finally slipped one finger inside of her.

" Merlin," she gasped, riding the length of it. She could feel James watching her but her head fell back instinctively as her back arched into him, giving him better access to her breast.

" Say my name," James demanded, teasing her by rubbing her clit. Lily bit her lip as pleasure rocked her so hard that she couldn't help but raking her nails down his bare back.

" James," she moaned. Immediately, he stuck another finger inside of her and she shook as he continued pumping the pair. There was a reason he was considered a sex god in Hogwarts and she'd gotten enough of him her seventh year to see why. But it had been a long three years and Lily was coiled tighter than a muggle toy.

He continued, giving her unattended breast a tight squeezed before sucking hard on her pulse again. It was going to leave a mark, in fact she was sure many of his bites and kisses were going to bruise her skin for the days to come. And somewhere deep inside, wherever her conscious was buried, she knew he was doing this on purpose.

" Fuck," she groaned, feeling her climax coming. " Jam- oh Merlin! I'm going- going to-"

She didn't get to finish as he quickened his movements, taking her lips in his as she began to cum. Lily cried out, her breast flush against his chest as she grinded into his hand, hitting her peak.

" James," she shouted wantonly, cumming as her muscles clenched around his fingers. As her body acted out of her control, James let out a moan, watching. When it was over, Lily melted into his arms, gulping air down and just noticing that James's member was incredibly hard.

She looked down with a flush, noticing it straining against his pants. She looked up to meet his unembarrassed eyes, James watching her, waiting for her reaction.

" You'll need to get off me now," he said, voice rasping and deeper than usually. Lily frowned in confusion and he bit his lower lip, muttering a curse. " I'm going to take you when I want, when you beg me for it- tonight's just a preview."

Lily's mind froze at his vow and James pulled her off him, putting her on his bed as he rose, heading for the bathroom. Lily flushed, knowing what he was about to do, as she pulled the sheets closer to her body. He'd ripped most of her clothing and she was horrified, full aware that James had played her right into his trap.

" Oh and I fully intend for a reenactment of taking you on the grass of the pitch," he said, without turning.

---

To her utmost distress, Lily found herself roped into attending Professor Slughorn's Halloween party. And while James had remained true on his promise for her to be the one to initiate sex, they'd certainly done many other things, things that would make Petunia want to crawl into a ball and hide from… Yet, when he suggested getting her a costume, Lily was surprised- that sounded strangely couplish.

Certainly, the papers believed they were together, James and Gideon's fight make the front covers of some magazines and her students relentless to find a connection. Luckily, her interactions with James always started after 11 pm, when all of them were in bed and if not, she also used a disillusionment charm to get up to his rooms. In the past week or so, some of her belongings had found their way to his chambers, including a change of clothing in case she ever ran late.

But she remained adamant, limiting their interactions to that and required times like Professors' meetings and meals. Nevertheless, whenever she and Potter were in the same room, Regulus Black always wore a smug expression.

She was currently, lounging on his bed, waiting for James to return from patrol, flipping through one of the books she'd found in his shelf. It was some nonsense on business, but she was bored enough to pick it up.

" What?"

She frowned as she reached the second chapter, only to discover the book had been carved out. In it sat a mirror. Lily lifted it from the section carved out and before she could mourn the lost book, she heard a voice.

" Prongs you better be there," a too familiar voice said. Lily looked up to the mirror only to find Sirius Black's perfect face staring back at her. He met her eyes for a brief moment before his went down to her attire, one of her camisoles and her hair drying into bouncing curls.

" Well hello Red- I guess James was right about you hiding a body under than uniform," Sirius said in an appreciative tone. Lily dropped the mirror, shocked only to scowl at it. Of course Potter had a lifeline to Black- the fact that he could go five days a week, them getting to leave the castle on weekends, without seeing Sirius was shocking to more than just her.

" Black," she said in a tight voice. " I'm a little more than disturbed that you prefer James's image to your own."

" Believe me it was a sacrifice, the poor bloke's hardly the same as me," Sirius answered with a fake tragic expression. He frowned at her and raised a brow. " Speaking of ol' Jamsie, how'd you find his set of our mirrors?"

" He hid it in a book."

Sirius began to laugh and gave her a grin. " Awfully stupid of him- you had your head in one of those for seven years."

" So tell me, do you two say goodnight to each other or use this for some naughty things?" " Of course you caught our tryst- you should have known that James's love for you was really a coverup for our affair," Sirius replied, stilling grinning. Lily laughed lightly and he leaned back in a chair, wincing. The mirror bobbled low enough for her to see a ghastly bruise on his chest.

" Black what happened?"

" Game against the Tornadoes on Wednesday," he explained. " I might have slept with their beater's fiancee the night before the wedding…"

" Same old Sirius," she replied dryly.

" Don't worry about James, he's gone three years doing other things- kept his prick out of that hole if you-"

" Don't defend him," she replied. " He's still the self-centered James I remember."

Sirius merely raised a brow at her and she sighed.

" James is patrolling," she said. " He should be back soon."

" No he shouldn't," Sirisu answered with a frown. " It's a full moon tonight."

Lily's blood seemed to slosh in her veins at that statement and she glanced up at the window, seeing the moon in the sky.

" Why aren't you with them?" she asked curiously. Sirius's face flashed with an emotion and he swallowed.

" Moony doesn't like us coming with him- we usually arrive after he's completed the transformation now."

Lily felt a rush of pity in her heart. She adored Remus Lupin, the only good one of James's friends, in her opinion. He'd been studious while they were always reckless, and she admired his hardworking nature, while he found a friend in her after she informed him that she'd figured out his fluffy little situation ages ago. The last she'd heard of him, however, was seeing him at a Ministry's event.

He'd been with his father in a pair of robes that made him looked trapped and looked terribly upset, following the man around. According to James, he'd taken a ministry job and was slotted to run for the Wizengamot in two years when the election rolled around.

She couldn't imagine him in the government but it was no secret the Lupins' were a government family. He'd confessed to her that he really just wanted to teach but there was no way Lyall Lupin, his father, would let him.

" You best be off then," she answered. Sirius nodded and cracked his neck before clearing his throat.

" You reckon your mate McKinnon would be up for a date with me?" he asked. Lily could feel something different in his voice but merely smiled.

" Bye Sirius." The words seemed to trigger something, his face disappearing and Lily's appearing in the mirror. She put it back in the book, and set it aside on James's side table, meaning to speak to him about this later.

But right now, he was with his friend, his friend who was in pain yet could kill James at any moment. For some reason, this made Lily's gut clench uncomfortably. She'd found out about his animagus status during seventh year as well, and of course yelled at him about it and it had just been on the trail to the inevitable catalyst that ended their fling.

Lily sat up, making her way to the common room, sitting on the window seat and peering out. He had a view of the pitch, something that made Lily's lips twitch up, and the forest, stretching out into the beautiful Scottish highlands.

She loved it up here, having grown up by the sea, and often marveled at the beauty surrounding Michael's home. She knew that his son, Oliver, would grow up there, Abby wouldn't leave Michael's family's home. Her heart gave out another pang, an empty one though- Abby's letters had gone from daily to weekly to monthly. She'd received the last one nearly a month ago and simply there was something inside of her keeping her from answering them.

Although Abby had been the love of Michael's life, them marrying quite young even with him being an auror, Lily had always the upper hand there. She and Michael were everything, two kids born into homes with families who didn't love them. They'd found each other, and a family in each other and she'd lost it, she'd lost him.

He was gone, Lily shutting her eyes and trying to push away thoughts of him. He wasn't coming back, she knew that so hard it hurt her over and over again. She'd lost her closest friends in the matter of three years, to a war she hated and one she was avoiding.

But she couldn't keep doing this. Lily loved Hogwarts and she'd grown fond enough of her students, but she was meant to fight. She watched her best friend tortured for years, turned into a husk of herself by the very people she'd grown up with. She couldn't keep doing this.

To her surprise, Charlemagne, hopped up to the window seat from his usual spot on the couch. He came to her, rubbing her leg and Lily smiled, petting his golden fur.

" I knew you didn't really hate me," she murmured. He came onto her lap and stretched out with a satisfied purr as she continued her ministrations. Well at least the cat finally liked her…

---

She woke with a groan, the world swaying around her. She could feel a set of arms around her body and blinked in the waning light.

" James?"

He looked down at her, covered in dirt and tired, exhaustion seeming to ripple off of him.

" You shouldn't have stayed up," he said, voice gruff. His steps were ending in a limp but Lily was too tired to notice as he let her fall back onto his bed and made his way to the bathroom. Lily sat up, fighting the sleep as she opened the door, the shower going.

Her eyes froze on the blood staining his clothing, which he'd left on the ground. Lily sucked in a breath before eyeing the shower. She quickly turned the light off in the common room before grabbing her wand and returning to the bathroom. James had finished his shower and struggled out with a towel around his waist.

" I'll heal you," she said, coming to him. But James had a confused expression on his face.

" You hate healing," he replied.

" It doesn't mean I don't know how to do it," she answered, helping him to the bed. She forced him back onto it and sucked in a breath at the wound on his chest.

" I can do it," he assured her. " Just go back to your room or I'll do it in the bathr-"

" Nonsense," she said, cutting him off. " I'm an auror, I've had to heal worse in field."

The gash was bleeding and Lily used her rough knowledge of healing spells to staunch it before he told her where his dittany was, her retrieving it and gently dripping it along the surface of his wound. James hissed as it made contact but the wound started to heal well.

Lily traced the edges of the new skin, shivering as James's muscles tightened under her finger.

" Any pain?"

" I'm good," he grunted. " Thank you."

She frowned, noticing some bruises forming on his body and attempted to fix them, only to find that one of his ribs had broken.

" I don't know how to heal that," she said with a sigh.

" It's ok, you've done more than necessary," James answered. She sighed as he opened his eyes, running a hand through his hair and giving her a soft smile, a genuine one.

" Come to bed," he asked. " please."

She sighed, cleaning up the potions supplies and taking the towel as he slid into a pair of boxers. Lily splashed some water onto her face before joining him under the covers. James pulled her terribly close and she rested her head against his chest.

" Are your mates ok?"

" Fine- Remus was just a bit energetic today," James murmured, brushing her hair back. She was silent, letting her eyes shut as her breathing evened. Right as Lily was falling into the darkness of sleep, she heard James sigh.

" I love you," he whispered, kissing the top of her head, but she was too far gone to remember it or wake fully…

---

" Ah Lily, what an interesting costume," Professor Slughorn said, eyeing her outfit. Lily couldn't help but agree with him, as she clutched her drink tightly in her hand. James had to do something for his family company, or so he said in a note on top of her costume. He promised to meet her at the party and Lily was going to hex him for this outfit.

It wasn't terribly bad, a set of brown dress robes that were tighter than she liked and showed a little too much cleavage, that came with a built in tail and deer ears. She didn't miss the humor of the costume but accepted it dryly.

" You remember my patronus Professor- it's a doe," she explained. A bloody doe, she could remember the humiliation of that day in seventh year. She'd been so proud as her corporeal patronus formed for the first time, only to see the female counterpart to James's. His friends and her entire class had certainly found some enjoyment in that, Black even exclaiming that they were fated to be and that she ought to finally go to Hogsmeade with him.

Now, Lily was fully accepting of the doe, one she hadn't been able to conjure in the months since Michael had died. She'd discovered this after a set of dementors had appeared near the apartment she shared with Marlene, moving in with her after Mary's death. Lily had been unable to summon her patronus but Marlene had, getting the beasts away.

Since then she often tried to get it to appear, but it never did.

" Right- what an odd coincidence- I believe James Potter is wearing a set of stag antlers," Slughorn said, looking past her. Lily turned to find James entering the party, dressed in black robes with the antlers peaking out from his messy hair.

He scanned the area before his eyes met hers, James grinned at the sight of her and Lily rolled her eyes as he came over.

" Hullo," he said, coming close to her and giving a lock of her hair a tug. " You're looking adorable."

Slughorn watched them and Lily swallowed, moving away from James. She didn't need any more articles or speculation about them.

" Matching costumes?" James had moved back to her and swung an arm around her shoulder, throwing Slughorn a grin.

" Thought we'd give the folks at the prophet something to write about," James explained. " Lily's idea really- she's such a funny mate."

Mate. Mate. Mate. The word rang in her ears and Slughorn's eyes bugged as James pinched her shoulder. Lily began to nod vigorously.

" Yep mates- James and I are so close," she babbled. " We tour museums and err give each other fashion advice."

" Mates?" Slughorn said in a surprised voice. Lily continued to nod and James shrugged.

" Not a lot of people our age around here and we did do a stint as Heads together- and lunch is more entertaining if Lily's attempting to cram an entire dinner roll into her mouth."

Slughorn still seemed to not believe them and Lily couldn't help but agree. Although James had done her this mercy, he still had a lot to pay up for and she suddenly had the best idea. With a smirk, Lily looked at Slughorn.

" James is actually setting me up with one of his old teammates from his stint on Puddlemere," Lily explained, a gleam in her eyes. " Aiden Ross."

Slughorn could barely keep his eyes controlled as he nodded and James's grip suddenly tightened on her shoulder. But Lily kept herself composed, smiling up at Slughorn.

" Sorry Professor, but if you'll excuse us, I promised to give Reg and my old team some advice for their upcoming game against Ravenclaw," James said. " And I'm sure there's some Gryffindorks in here for Lily."

" You prat," she replied, Slughorn watching them with a gaping expression as James forced her along. After they make their way through a crowd, and some very vigorous attempts on Lily's part to get away from James, he forced her into an alcove, covered by cloth.

" Setting you up with Ross?" he hissed, his jaw locking in.

" I mean he's got an incredibly sexy accent," she replied. " Imagine that voice moaning in be-"

She was cut off as James forced her into the wall, his eyes flashing with anger. Lily looked up to meet his gaze as he suddenly had his hand in her robes. Before she could protest, he had shoved the material of her knickers away and rubbed the wet mound at the apex of her legs.

" James," she said in a breathless voice. " There's students a curtain away…"

He took his wand out with his other hand, muttering a spell before returning to her. Lily arched into him, biting back a moan as he slipped a finger inside of her.

" Want to talk about Ross again?" he asked, voice deeper. Lily shot him a rebellious look and smirked.

" Marlene had a patient who shagged him- came in because the poor thing had fallen- he literally broke her pelvis."

James seemed to take this as a personal insult and stuck another finger in her, growling before leaning forward and forcing her to be silent, kissing her. Lily's hands came to his waist, pulling his closer as he continued to pump his fingers into her. But as she began to lose complete control, a moan on her tongue- someone cleared their throat.

" You two ought to be more careful."

Immediately she shoved James back, fixing her robes before meeting a pair of robin shell blue eyes. Lily's mouth fell open in surprise as James ran a hand through his hair.

" Remus," she said in shock. Remus Lupin had found his way to the free space in their alcove, and stood against the wall, looking as golden as ever, but tired. She could see a set of bags beneath his eyes that seemed to be under everybody's but his seemed older. " It's good to see you Lily, err just not like this," he replied, a grimace for him stumbling upon them.

" What are you doing here?"

" Slughorn invites his prominent old students back- and I'm two weeks away from announcing a run for the Wizengamot," Remus explained. His eyes flew to James, who seemed more focus on how Lily's dress was clinging to her chest, with her heaving breaths.

" I should leave," Remus noted, glancing back at her with a twinkling smile. " Prongs you might want to keep a concealment charm on your pants before leaving."

With that, Remus Lupin left the alcove and Lily whirled around to face James, a furious expression on her face.

" I thought you kept a disillusionment charm on this," she hissed. James gave her a lazy smirk, sliding an arm around her waist.

" Only a muffling spell," he answered, bringing his mouth to her ear and nipping the soft skin there. Lily's legs nearly gave way at his teasing bite. " What's life without some risks?"

" You're incorrigble," she muttered, adjusting her robes to their right position. " By the way, you have to set me up with Ross- it won't look right if you don't…"

" Oh I will," James said, checking to see if anyone was looking at the alcove, peaking his head out the curtains. " And then you'll see why I'm a much better match for you, in bed and in other places."

Lily rolled her eyes before he opened the curtain, letting her out. She mingled for a bit, leaving James to eat with Connie Bulstrode, a prominent potions master, who had been a class mate of hers. The two discussed the recent news of a possible cure for werewolvism and the advancements in the blood replenishing potion as the party began to loll to a stop, students leaving for curfew and others for parties outside of the castle.

While this was only the day before Halloween, parties had started on this day and would go into the following day, Halloween. Lily didn't have plans to attend any outside of this one, in fact she had a date with a stack of tests and a trip to visit her mother. The most courageous and risky thing she had considered for the following day was a visit to her father's grave, leaving some of his favorite flowers at it.

James on the other hand seemed to have an invitation to some of the most notorious parties for the holiday, and had offered to take her with him but she'd declined.

" I was terribly sorry to hear about Michael Wood," Connie had said, bringing Lily's attention back to the conversation. " I was going to write to see how you were doing, but we were never close in Hogwarts."

Lily smiled sadly and once again her heart banged as she reminded of the best friend she'd lost. She did think of him endlessly, seeing him in the blueberry muffins at the breakfast table, knowing they were his favorites. She'd walk down a corridor and was suddenly haunted by memories of them patrolling these halls or playing trivia games instead.

" Thank you for the thought," she replied. " It's been hard, he's got a son you know."

" I read about it, two year old now wealthier than the average wizard, and to think of his poor wife- Abilene's cousin was one of my closest friends, said she's been holed up in Wood Manor and won't leave."

Lily's smile fell slightly at this but she nodded.

" It's been hard on all of us- being an auror is horribly tragic work but he was so good- kept me from being killed more times than I can count…"

And she was lost in memory once again, a storm settling over her that she couldn't fight, and used to embrace. She could recall Michael berating her for taking so many risks.

" Dammit Lily it's like you want to die!"

" Lily," Connie said, quirking her head. " Here."

She was crying, a single fat tear had rolled onto her robes and Connie was stretching a handkerchief out. Lily flushed, the arousal James had left her with gone as she took the tissue and wiped her cheek.

" I'm sorry," she said with a watery laugh. " I grew up with him, it's hard to live without him."

Connie nodded, seeming keen to listen and for once Lily wanted to lay it all on someone. All of her friends refused to talk about it, and instead took down reminders of him. She'd been plagued by words that she couldn't write or say without risking their pain.

" I know we're not close or anything but I do know what it's like to lose a friend," Connie explained. " If you ever need someone just to talk to, well making potions can be quite tedious…" Lily smiled at this and Connie returned the expression. Yet before either could speak again, a hysterical scream broke through the air. Lily turned to the doorway of Slughorn's private chambers and froze as she saw the shaking body of Elias Abbot. The room was silent as he opened his mouth, a sputtering sound coming out. It was right before he spoke that Lily saw the blood on his shirt.

" Dan," he cried. " He's dead!"

And suddenly all kinds of happiness, all kinds of sadness, whipped from Lily's mind as she recalled that Dan Martell, Elias's best friend, was the son of a prominent muggleborn witch, who was working against the efforts of Voldemort publicly.

Her eyes flew around the room before landing on Regulus's frame, him being with his little future death eater friends. She narrowed her eyes at him as he sensed her gaze, looking up and meeting her eyes with a smirk.

That look said everything…

---

As Lily walked down the path leading to her family home, a gust of harsh wind hit her. It was Halloween and winter was beginning to appear, the temperature lower than ever and Lily pulling out her warmer cloak. Yet, perhaps some cold could do some good, keep students out of the corridors during these next few months.

It turns out Dan Martell hadn't been killed, not instead he'd been hit with several brutal slicing jinxes, left on the floor of a hallway near Slughorn's room. He was sent to Mungos and according to Marlene was predicted to make a recovery. But then there came the issue of who did it.

Lily had secured this day to return home for the weekend, but the other professors were opting to remain at the castle, which was under strict control by the aurors who were investigating the matter. Lily's lips curled when she came to breakfast the next morning to find Rhys Dolland and Henry Tinseltown, two of her least favorite coworkers from the auror department, in charge of the investigation.

She could see the Everett beach house fully now, and smelled the tang of sea air as she approached. Lily had fonder memories of the home before her father's death, adventures to the beach and nearby coves. Learning how to swim in the icy water and even flying over the shore with Michael. But after his death, the house seemed gaunt, empty of its life.

Petunia had left home a year after his death, securing a marriage and leaving Lily with their mum. Although Petunia was the one to check to see if the house elves and live in medi nurse were doing their jobs, she hadn't actually spoken to their mother in years.

Lily had been left with watching Marie Black fall into deeper and deeper chaos, the greatest fall being that Marie hadn't left the house in now three years. She reached the door, opening it by pressing her hand to the side of it, a spell set up by her constantly tinkering father.

It opened for her and the house was the same as it had always been. Open and enchanting to her mates, Lily could see why it was a nice home. Before the death of her husband, Marie Everett had been quite the decorator, a hobby to her work as a photographer for the Prophet.

But now all Lily could see were ghosts, her father swinging her into a waltz in the foyer when she returned from Hogwarts, Petunia crying to her mother on the porch about some boy, and Michael, treating the house like his own home.

" Miss Lily!"

She looked down to see an elf before her and smiled.

" Poppy," Lily greeted. Although she was against keeping elves, Petunia insisted and there was no way their mother could survive without them. Lily had settled on giving them the best possible life, behind Petunia's back of course…

" Mistress Marie has been waiting for you," Poppy explained as they walked through the house and up the stairs to her parents' rooms. " She misses her favorite flower."

Perhaps that was the reason Petunia stayed away. Lily's mother was in constant mental duress and often babbled about nonsense, referring to Lily as her favorite flower ever since her accident. Petunia had taken that as a direct insult in more ways than one.

Lily smiled tightly as they reached the second floor. She kept her eyes forward, ignoring the photos of her family on the walls, the ones that seemed frozen when she was fourteen. When they reached her parents' room, Lily pulled her cloak and scarf off, holding them on her arm as she opened the door and entered.

Her mother was sitting by the fire, in the attached sitting room. There was a teacup in front of her as she babbled away to Lucile, the medi-nurse who cared for her.

" Mum," Lily said, coming closer. " It's Lily."

Her mother turned and a toothy smile appeared on her face, so beautiful only years ago, and now tired and haggard. Marie Black had alabaster skin, Lily's exact shade, with auburn curls a few shades darker than Lily's. Her hair was streaked with silver lines and her Black family eyes stared into Lily's. But while Sirius and Regulus had stormy eyes, Marie had silver eyes like the glow of the moon, softer and warmer.

" Lily," she said in greeting. " I've missed my favorite flower."

Lily swallowed, smiling as she sat beside her mother, Lucile rising to leave the room and give them some privacy. Lily squeezed her mother's veined hands and kept her smile on. Her mother wasn't terribly old, having given birth to Petunia when she 21 and Lily when she was 25. She was hardly as old as James's mother who was notorious for waging war against pesky garden gnomes.

" I've missed you too mum," she said with a sigh. Her mother smiled at this, leaning forward to get her tea cup, but her hands shook horribly, a result of being thrown into a cliff. Lily got the cup, raising to her mother's lips.

" Thank you." She nodded, putting it down as her mother turned to her.

" I've so much to tell you about," her mother declared. " Your father and I had a lovely trip to Germany last week, we even made a scrap book with photos for you and Pet. Oh he's so horrible, convinced me to buy you girls a whole tin of chocolates!"

Lily's face faltered slightly but she nodded anyways.

" I'm supposed to attend some droll ball tonight- the engagement of that Longbottom couple, but mind you Augusta is livid that her son is marrying a Prewitt. If I recall, she was once stood up by Alice's uncle! I'll expect you and Pet to be in best behavior, do keep her away from that Lestrange boy, Mariella MacMillan said that he was torturing their parakeet."

" Of course mum," Lily answered, her breaths lighter as she squeezed her mum's hand again. Her mother smiled at her answer and patted her hand.

" You were always such a good girl, helped me garden, got your father inside when he was trying to speak to the Kelpies, it's no wonder that Potter boy's got such a crush on you."

Lily's lips attempted to dip down into a grimace as her mother laughed, a bit too hysteric.

" Euphemia was telling me how Stanley Podmere- his cousin- came to her saying he was asking how to ask a girl out to Hogsmeade- I wouldn't be surprised if Stanley's told him all sorts of horrible lies!"

Ah yes, the infamous serenading of her fourth year. Lily's lips twitched as she recalled how James had managed to charm three cupid statuettes to fly around her singing sonnets about his love for her. Professor Flitwick managed to remove them after three days of enduring them.

She listened to her mother babble on before Marie finally fell asleep, resting her head on Lily's shoulder. Lily stared down at her mother's hand, the marriage ring still on after all these years.

Her mother adored her father and all of his eccentric ways. She did threaten him after he attempted to bring a dragon foul into their home and once made him sleep in the guest room after he blew off the front door, trying to install the very system that let Lily in that day. But she always did reprehend him with a smile.

But Lily could not see the justice in any of this. Her parents had fallen in love, meeting in Spain while they'd been traveling, her father hunting some bow truckles and her mother wanting to see the world after graduating. They married and did work that had no relation to the war, but they married and were in love.

Often, Lily wondered why they had children, the two seemed more than content in each other. They travelled despite having two daughters, taking them with them when necessary and more than often, Lily and Petunia found themselves dumped in Michael's home or him in theirs when his mother was too tired to have a child around.

She knew her parents loved her and Petunia, but she knew they loved each other more. That was one of the reasons Lily found herself unable to stand the idea of marrying and having children. How could someone balance the love there and she'd never want to put a child through what she'd been through.

As an auror her chances of dying were exponentially higher and thus the dream of having some ankle biters around died. And she had tried to date, but no one seemed to fit, save for one. But James's hands were forever covered in blood…

So her dreams for domestically living were crushed and she settled on mooching off of Michael, often babysitting when he and Abby wanted some alone time. Lily's lips pulled down as she realized she had yet to write back to Abby yet. She was being awful.

Lucile returned, her brown eyes warm as she sat to the left armchair of Lily and her mother.

" She's getting healthier, has some periods of lucidity between it all," Lucile explained to her, sipping from a cup of tea. But her lips fell suddenly. " She's losing control of her hands- damaged endings there… There's been more visitors as of late, her sister even stopped by."

" Aunt Walburga?" Lily asked incredulously. Lucile nodded, putting her cup down.

" Asked about your marital status but seemed more interested in her sister," Lucile explained. " I suppose even the worst of people do have a soft spot for their sisters."

Lily doubted that. She'd been plagued by nightmares and rushing memories of her father's death afterwards, perhaps for a year and Petunia had done nothing to help her. In fact, if not for Michael Lily supposed she would have gone mad.

" Mum's a tough cookie," Lily sighed. " She's going to keep fighting."

" Some grandchildren could do some good," Lucile replied, pulling a copy of some magazine from under a stack of papers. Lily blanched when she saw Lucile open to the same page about her and James. " You and Mr. Potter seem awfully close." " Friends," Lily managed. " Just friends."

Lucile smiled and leaned forward. " I recall one Christmas morning finding you coming out of his room instead of your some years back." Lily was silent and she chuckled, standing.

" I'll get your mother's medicines."

She swallowed, refusing to look at the magazine. At that exact moment, her mother began to rise, yawning as she looked around, smiling as she saw Lily.

" Lily," she said warmly. " What are you doing back from Hogwarts?"

Lily was tensed for another series of nodding, when her mother spoke again.

" Don't you have some papers to grade?"

" Excuse me?" Marie frowned and brushed her hair back. " You're teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts there right?"

" I am," Lily said in shock. Her mother was lucid, for the first time in months. Lily glanced around as her mother reached forward with a frown.

" How strange," she said, looking at Lily's hand. " I'd thought he'd done it by now…"

" Mum?"

" Nothing," she replied. " Now tell me about teaching and how are your friends doing? Marsha McKinnon's in a fit according to Euphemia- her son's gotten one of your old classmates pregnant, but left for curse breaking training without proposing and Marlene's still not married!" Lily found herself immediately opening up, telling her mum about her students and the work and the agony of grading tests. Her mother frowned and glanced around again.

" And James?" she asked. " Where's my future son-in-law today?" Lily fought back a cringe as she smiled.

" His mates dragged him out for the night," Lily replied. " He's actually taken Professor McGonagall's position at Hogwarts for the year."

" Oh I know," her mother said offhandedly. " He told me about it in his last visit."

Lily frowned and leaned forward.

" James visited you?"

" He's been coming about once a month or so- said he'd come more often but work's keeping him tied up," her mother replied. " I wonder why you two never coordinate and come together, but then again a girl does need some alone time with her mother…" Lily bit her lower lip to keep her eyes from bulging out in shout and her fists clenched into fists by her side.

" And how long has he been visiting for?"

" I think since you two graduated," she replied, scrunching up her face in concentration. " Said that you were busy with auror training and couldn't come with him." Lily's mind exploded, snapping into pieces. What in Merlin's name was that git doing? Why was he anywhere near her mother when she wasn't around?

" He's quite the sweet boy you know," her mother continued, a fond smile on her face as she twisted a curl of her hair around her finger, something Lily did when she was in thought. " Helped me out in the garden during the summer a few times, even mended my old bird bath."

Lily's mind had frozen in shock as her mother continued to stack praise upon for James.

" I wonder why he hasn't proposed yet," her mother commented. " He's certainly been waiting quite some time."

" What do you mean?" Lily asked, her mouth dry. Her mother's eyes turned glassy and she blinked looking around, seeing Lily.

" Oh Lily why are you dressed like that- we have a dinner with your aunt tonight," she shrieked, trying to rise, only to fall back. Lily tried to help her and her mother pushed her away. " Where's Quenton? He was supposed to pick up some flowers for the table."

" Mum," Lily said, her voice rasping and shaking. It took everything in her not to scream the truth to tell her mother that her father was dead and there was no dinner there was nothing. " I'll go and get him."

She rose shaking, only for her mother to grab her hand suddenly, her eyes desparate, longing.

" Don't leave me," she whispered, sounding like one of Lily's terrified students. And Lily, broken and ready to cry herself, remained still before engulfing her mother in a tight embrace as they waited for her father to return.

---

It was closing in on Midnight when she returned to the castle, bleary-eyed and in desperate need of sleep. But there was something that prevented her from breaking James's dare, something that was going to make her hex him till he was black and blue. She knew he was out with his mates, partying, but he'd be back and she'd be waiting.

Lily entered his chambers, ready to wait only to find James, sitting with Charlemagne before the fire. She froze for a second, watching him. He faced the fire, kicking his feet up on the coffee table before the long couch. She watched as he tore a hand through his hair, biting on the end of his quill as he scrawled something, probably grading papers.

He wasn't out with his friends, but why?

" Early night?" James turned, smiling as he saw her but Lily remained stiff.

" Spent last night with the Slytherins in the Ravenclaw dorm while aurors investigated that incident- and believe me when I saw Slytherin boys are good at snaking their way into girls' dorms," he explained, yawning. " And there's always another party."

Lily was silent and he shoved his glasses up his nose, not noticing as her fists clenched and unclenched by her sides. James rose, walking towards her but she couldn't see him there in that moment, all she could see was James Potter the death eater polluting her mother with his presence.

" How's your mum?"

" You tell me."

James blinked at her before shrugging. " You were bound to find out about that one."

Lily's wand was out before she could think, poised at his throat, her arm shaking as she glared down it to meet his eyes. A sound ringing with anger escaped her throat as she shook fully.

" I hate you," she spat. " You're a loathsome excuse for a man and I don't need you near my ill mother!" James's eyes shone now as he brushed her wand back and met her gaze.

" She's lucid more than you think- knows that you're an auror, scared out of her bloody mind to lose another person," James said in a low voice. Lily's heart slowed at his statement and she recalled a distant memory, her and Michael talking about joining the aurors some summers ago and Petunia walking in on them, before shrieking at Lily about how selfish she was being, about how time consuming it would be, how awful it would be to make their mother have to bury a daughter.

" She's my family, you have no right to invade my family, to enter my home and speak to my mother," she hissed.

" Lily you're so bloody infuriating," James said, tearing a hand through his hair and anger flashing in his eyes. " Your sister's been in and out of Mungos practically monthly for the past six years- she couldn't take care of your mum- who do you think went in and made sure the medi-nurse was paid? Who kept your mum's garden in order and kept her company all these years?" Lily was silent, unable to wrap her mind around the fact that she could have done more. She always felt like there was a yawning gap, and she stretched over it, constantly trying to pull her mother back to her.

" Mum made me go with her sometimes, and it's just become habit honestly," James explained. Lily stared up at him as he sighed. " I care about her too." " She's not your burden," Lily replied evenly.

" You can't control everything- sometimes things are out of your hands."

Lily was silent and James stared down at her, his eyes never leaving hers as he shook his head, a laugh escaping.

" I loved you," he said in a low voice. " Fucking pined over you for seven years and then you broke me- ever think that in some ways you're the real villain here?"

" We're not talking about that," Lily snapped. " I made a mistake every bothering with you."

She was angry, rage about to explode from her. While Lily was fire, all fury, James was ice, his eyes already going cold as she tried to turn, only for him to grab her wrist and force her around.

" Don't ever say that again," he ordered, grabbing her chin and forcing her to meet his gaze. Lily gave him a sickly sweet smile before speaking.

" You ruin everything you touch James Potter."

A growl escaped his lips as Lily leaned up, grabbing his face and forcing him down to meet her lips. Something ripped in her, the dam broke that was keeping her back, reminding her he was a monster. Because this time she wanted James Potter the murderer, she was tired of waiting for this war to end, she was tired of watching her mother spiral and Petunia break her body into pieces- she was tired of having hope.

James reacted immediately, his arms like a cage around her body as he ravaged her lips, nipping at the bottom after what seemed like minutes and invading. A ripple of desire tore straight through Lily and she tugged at his shirt, getting under it to feel the plane of his abdomen.

His lips moved to her ear, before teasing the soft skin, nibbling at it. At last, James pulled away slightly, hovering close to her hairline before whispering, " Want to get ruined Everett?"

" Shut up," she answered, turning her hands and ripping his shirt at the buttons from the inside out. It was a sloppy move and James responded by grasping her hair, tugging the band from it and knotting his hands into her red locks, a sound of pleasure breaking from his lips. Her knees began to shake as she struggled to hold onto him, James having always towered over her. He sensed this, walking her back into the back of the couch, the top bitting her back as his hands swiftly began to tear her shirt over her head.

The sight of her breasts, clad in a red lace bra seemed to send him into a frenzy and Lily couldn't keep the moan suppressed as he picked her up, perching her on the couch top and moving between her legs, all while he sucked on her left nipple. His other hand was teasing her right, and Lily arched into him, a wanton cry escaping her lips.

She could feel him. James's member was flush against her inner thighs and Lily's eyes rolled back as she recalled a very recent memory of walking in on him coming out of the shower. As she recalled, it was still as large as it had been in her memories.

" James," she said in a whimper, his hand pulling her closer to his face. " Bed." He came up from her chest at this and there was a question in his eyes, Lily simply nodded, tugging at his hair as he smirked, pulling her into his arms and walking towards his bedroom door.

Lily struggled to remove his pants, James's attention at the warm spot on her neck. Lily's hands pulled at his belt when he bit down, stubble brushing against her soft skin. After what seemed to be the longest walk in her life, Lily's back hit his bedroom door, James tearing it open before dropping her on his bed.

The light was dim but she could see his eyes dark in desire as he stared down at her. Lily raised her arm to him, beckoning him to come to her and James's eyes flashed as his pants tightened.

He make quick use of her shoes, throwing them off before taking her socks and pants off. " James," she said in a throaty voice, getting his attention as he finally came down to her, pulling her back against the headboard and making himself comfortable between her legs.

Something akin to impatience formed in Lily's mind as he slowly, teased his way down to her lace underwear, A rasping sound escaping her lips as his teeth grazed the fabric.

" No," she said, as he tried to bring his mouth to her apex. " Sex- I need you." James moved up from her, hovering over Lily's face before speaking.

" Are you sure?" " Yes- I need you James," she begged, her hips arching to his. James groaned at her statement, his member hardening between the three barriers blocking him from her. Lily reached down, quickly removing his pants and straddling him as she tugged his boxers off.

" Oh."

James looked at her, leaning against the headboard in their switched position, a confused expression on his face as she looked up with a blush.

" It's been a while James," she admitted. " I'm not too sure if I can-"

A wicked grin cross his face and James flipped them before nuzzling her neck, coming up to kiss her. " Let me take care of that." Lily's legs opened as he moved between them, her eyelids fluttering shut as James's tongue darted between her folds. Her hands were tugging at his hair before knotting in the sheets.

" James," she moaned, bucking into him. He let out a sound, holding her hips down as she writhed beneath him. " Please."

That sent him into action as he licked at her, Lily crying out as her body shuddered into a climax, a wanton sound ripping from her without control as she came. Before she could melt into bliss, James was up again, his lips on hers as he cupped her breasts.

" So fucking perfect," he groaned, his penis at her entrance. Lily's heart was the sound of a helicopter, thumping furiously in her chest as he pulled away, meeting her gaze, entering her.

Time had done a number on her, Lily having gone from almost daily sex to three years without it. She sucked in a breath as he slid inside of her, her muscles constricting around him.

" Alright Lils?"

Lily nodded, blinking as he was fully inside her, James's hands brushing her hair back gently before she arched up, and said, " Remind me again why I used to go to class hobbling…" James grinned as he pulled back, nearly out before slamming back into her. Lily moaned, her fingers scraping down his back as her legs tightened around his narrow waist.

James continued to thrust, his glasses coming off and Lily throwing them aside and she kissed him, her hands now coming to his jaw. She whimpered into his mouth at his motions and cried out, feeling the peak coming.

" James," she mewled, her breaths shallowing. " I'm going to-"

She was cut off as James moaned her name, the sound sending her into a state as she tightened around him.

" Lily," he rasped, his grip tightening on her hips as she began to cum. A sound of pure desire escaping her as she rocked around him, James's motions never stopping, Lily finally cumming. Right as she ended, she could feel him inside her, as he grasped her tightly, yelling out.

She was too engulfed in her pleasure to force him to pull out in time and as he rolled off her, Lily was gasping for air. As she finally regained some sense of her limbs, Lily waited for him to say something, to try and blackmail her into dating or marriage.

But it never came. After a minute or so, James rose from the bed, walking away into the bathroom. Lily frowned, pulling the sheets close to her chest, before biting her lower lip. When James came out, he was dressed, wearing a set of dark robes.

" James?" she said in a confused voice. He looked over as he was near the door out of the room and a smirk crept onto his face.

" We'll keep what just happened between the two of us love," he said, with the self assurance of a man who'd won a battle. He turned, leaving her and as the door shut, Lily realized that he'd won. After years of pining over her, of loving her, he was over her. He'd gotten his shag, and it dawned on her that all of this had been a trap.

Like the perfect hunter, he coaxed her forth into his cage, locking her in before she could realize it had been a cage to start with. He had her exactly where he wanted her. Blindly, Lily rose, tugging on a shirt from his dresser before making her way to the door.

Her fingers wrapped around the cool knob and she nodded when the door refused to give way- he'd locked her in, keeping her from following him, keeping her from interfering.

" Fuck."

---

Lily found herself spending the first day of November in the company of the groundskeeper, Hagrid. Perhaps she was seeking to punish herself for her actions the night before, but she'd found herself with a large mallet, swinging it down and crushing the pumpkins from the previous day to be used to feed the Threstals.

As pumpkin guts and seeds coated the ground around her, she simple raised the mallet again and brought it down, the large fruit crushed beneath its surface.

She was so stupid, Lily thought to herself. James Potter had done what he always did- seduced her and tricked her into being caged. Shivers broke at her back at the thought and she swallowed, swinging the ax down once again. She couldn't let that happen- but she didn't go back on her word, and unless she wanted to break her mother's heart she'd have to continue to see him every night.

But there were other ways around this, other ways to escape James Potter and the inevitable madness that came with him. She bit her lower lip and wiped a pumpkin seed from her jaw.

" Dammit," she muttered, confusion plaguing her at his last words. He didn't blackmail her, but he did lock the room. What did that mean?

" Really going at it Professor," Hagrid commented, an hour after she'd begun. He'd appeared in the doorway of his hut, holding a mug, that Lily graciously accepted, the warm cider going down her throat as she sipped at it.

" Pent up energy," she replied, before looking down and sighing.

" Heard Dumbledore has to go and meet with the Ministry tomorrow- explain what's happened with the Martell kid."

" He'd ought to, but there's aurors teeming the castle," Lily offered.

" Recognized Tinseltown," Hagrid offered, frowning in concentration. " His cousin, the Hufflepuff, shoved one of his classmate into the Black Lake a week ago, poor thing spent two days in the Hospital wing."

Lily's face scrunched up at the name. Henry Tinseltown was a few years her senior and notorious around the office for climbing his way through the ranks, taking down five death eaters in the past year alone. But he'd been one of the first to turn to the use of the unforgivable curses, and was rather apt with them.

" They're heading the investigation," Lily sighed. " Things must be bad if Heartless Henry's come to Hogwarts."

" It's not the first attack… There was those ones when you were in sixth year," Hagrid grunted.

Mary.

Lily swallowed with a nod, her eyes squeezing shut as Hagrid babbled on, listing a few more before realizing she hadn't spoken in close to ten minutes.

" You alright professor?" " No need for the titles, I was a student only three years ago," Lily answered, opening her eyes. " Just tired, it's been a rough year."

Hagrid nodded, looking over at the Pitch, the top visible from their stance.

" Wood was a good one."

Mary and Michael, all brought up in one conversation. A sour taste filled Lily's mouth as she handed him the mug and piled the pumpkin innards, levitating them to the containers Hagrid kept out before leaving.

It was nearing dusk when she made her way up the path to the castle, cloak in one hand and the other tugging her hair free from its knot at the top of her head. Lily ducked into one of the side entrances, walking straight into someone- only there was no one before her.

She jumped back, tripping in surprise at walking into an invisible form and when she regained her senses, Lily lifted her wand with a frown.

" Accio James's invisibility cloak," she said, holding her other hand out. A silvery material came against her hand and she grasped around it as she looked in the direction it came from.

" Sirius?"

Sirius Black straightened his back before grinning at her, not sheepish at being caught but the same cocky grin of a kid who knew he'd gotten in trouble but wouldn't get in trouble.

" Flower," he replied in greeting, his grey eyes shifting in color as he threw his long curls over his ear. " Mind giving that back- I'm not exactly supposed to be at the castle."

Suspicion creeped into Lily's mind and she pursed her lips, keeping her grip tight on the fabric.

" Then why are you here?" "Visiting Prongs what else?" he answered with a smooth expression. Lily raised a brow at him and he gave her a charming smile. "I'll give you Honeydukes if you sneak me into his chambers."

"I'm not in the business of letting Death Eaters roam the halls Black."

Sirius expression turned cold.

"Might want to watch publicizing your bloodtraitor ways Lovely. The Dark Lord is always watching."

With that, Sirius Black turned in the opposite direction, moving back towards the grounds and leaving Lily holding James's cloak. She sighed, deciding to return it to him and marched up to his classroom. Without knocking, Lily entered, pausing at the sight of James sitting leisurely at his desk using a charmed quill to grade a paper floating in the air. He looked up at her, bored expression turning to a smug one as she shut the door.

"Returned for round two?"

"Shut up you cad," she snapped, wrenching the cloak from her own and dangling it in her grip. "Attempting to bring Black into the castle is a fireable offense."

James's eyes twinkled and he merely shrugged.

"Any real reason you decided to stop by?"

She gaped at him, mouth falling open as he grinned at her.

"Don't worry, I find it positively endearing you made up a reason to come pay me a visit. Now why don't we reeact that smashing patrol night from seventh year when I managed to get us into McGonagall's study?"

"That's it?" Lily demanded, dropping the cloak. "No marriage proposals? No blackmailing?"

James rose, lithely moving towards her.

"Are you proposing to me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Don't be ridiculous," she sputtered. "What do you want from me?"

James stopped in front of her, bringing her face up and running his thumb over her lips. As her breath hitched, he tapped her nose with his index finger.

"Absolutely nothing."

Lily blinked at him and he grabbed the cloak, attempting to move around her. She grabbed him, pulling him down by the tie and bringing their lips together. He immediately pulled her into his arms, Lily engulfed in James's scent.

"Nothing?" she repeated, breaking the kiss. He looked at her, taking deep breaths as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Nothing," he affirmed, bringing their lips together again.