Part 2: The past does not rest easy
Lily couldn't pay any attention to Professor Flitwick's speech. She knew he was going on about the need to ramp up security at the castle and the calls from parents to send the students home early, but Lily's mind was thoroughly distracted.
James sat across the table from her, listening intently with knitted brows. She fought the urge to snort, knowing that he must be part of all the recent disturbances. But her attention remained fixed on him. In the past month, something ignited between the two of them. Lily found herself in his bed, night after night. And during their patrols, she'd indulged him once or twice in abandoned classrooms.
Just as she was recalling a rather sordid patrol a few nights ago, James looked at her, catching her staring. She met his gaze with flushed cheeks and he lifted a brow before jutting his chin towards Flitwick.
Prat.
In a turn of events, he seemed completely unaffected by her recent interest in him. Perhaps after pining for seven years, he'd finally moved on. And Lily did not mind, especially when he'd retained the same energy from their schooling days. Still, she couldn't help finding the man whose bed she shared a complete enigma.
When they were in Hogwarts things had been much different.
When they were in Hogwarts, James had been much different.
Despite growing up in relatively similar social circles, James and she had hardly interacted until arriving at school. Even then, she'd delved so thoroughly into Gryffindor, with few friends outside the house, while he'd taken up with the purists in Slytherin. He'd hardly noticed her until that patrols night their fifth year when she'd noticed Mary missing from their dorm. Remus Lupin was her partner, the two often using the Marauders' Map to coast through their patrols and spend most of the time outlining papers. When Lily had seen Mary, surrounded by the dotted names of pureblood boys in the Forbidden Forest she'd known the worst was happening
"Oh Mary," Lily whispered, watching in horror. Her best friend was suspended in the air and screaming in agony, the sound silenced with a spell as a circle of five boys surrounded her in the snow-covered clearing. The one holding out his wand flicked his wrist and dropped her friend on the snow. As he removed his hood, Lily could make out Dante Mulciber's sadistic grin.
" One unforgivable and your allegiance is set," Sirius purred. Lily knew her cousins had been wrapped up in the Dark Lord's group, but until that night she hadn't known the depth of it. It seemed that they were using her best friend for some sick initiating ritual.
As Dante nodded and raised his wand, Lily stepped forward into the clearing with her wand raised.
" Not tonight Sirius," she declared. " Expelliarumus!"
Mulciber's wand flew into her free hand and the group stared at her.
"Now give me Mary," she said, hands shaking.
" What should we do with her?" Sirius groaned, looking to his right.
Lily's heart stilled, feeling panic come over her when she saw James Potter. James Potter was in her year but he was evil. She'd heard enough stories at pureblood dinners about how James and Sirius had been the youngest to initiate into the Death Eaters, nearly a year ago during their third year. His eyes flashed as he looked at her with an amused smirk.
"Lovely Lily," James drawled. She had to leave, but she couldn't leave without her friend. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
" Cut the crap Potter," she hissed. " Let Mary go or I will report all of you."
" Even your cousins," James asked mockingly. Lily took in the group, seeing a second boy with the famous Black curls. Regulus, her baby cousin was here. And from the scared expression on his face, she knew he hadn't gone willfully. As she was distracted, James hit her with a disarming spell, pocketing her wand and throwing Mulciber his.
" Reg w-"
Before she could finish her statement, James hit her with another spell, her legs binding and wrists as well. She toppled towards the ground, landing on her knees. Pain lanced through her and she glared up at James, snow falling over her face. He moved in front of her, pulling Lily's body up and grabbing her by the chin.
"You'll watch this," he ordered. "Maybe after tonight, you'll stop consorting with mudbloods and bloodtraitors. Take a note from your cousins' book."
"Never," she spat. Rage colored her cheeks as James smiled coldly at her, patting her cheeks and moving on.
" Greengrass watch her," he said in a drawl, jutting his head in the sixth year towards Lily's left. She struggled as Darrow Greengrass took her, squirming against his massive arms, built from years of serving as a beater on Slytherin's team.
"Mulciber get on with it," James snapped. Lily looked at her friend, laying in the snow, crying.
" Dante please don't," she begged. "It's not too late."
He looked at her, eyes flashing and Sirius scoffed.
"Could you be less of an embarrassment to the family," Sirius griped. "Dante do it."
Mary was beginning to stir as Dante swallowed.
" Crucio."
Lily screamed as the bolt hit her and Mary screamed with her. She continued to struggle and James looked over at her with a frown, flicking a silencing spell at her. She sobbed silently as Mary was forced to endure this and when it finally ended, Dante fell to the ground, panting as Mary slumped over.
" Excellent work Mulciber," James declared, moving to him and slapping him on the back. " Goyle and Sirius will help you put the mudblood in a hall— try not to have too much fun with her."
Lily's blood froze. They were going to rape Mary. James waited for them to exit the clearing before turning to them. He nodded at Darrow and the others who left, dropping Lily to the ground. She let out a whimper as she hit the snow, its coldness hitting her bare knees.
" What am I going to do with you," James taunted, picking her up. She glared at him as he looked at her body, eyes darkening. Lily jerked away when he took a lock of her hair in his hand. " I don't bite."
James moved closer and she shivered violently against him.
" I'm going to give your voice back," he said. " If you scream I'll leave you out here."
She didn't doubt him, he was a psychopath. He returned her voice and she cleared her throat.
" Let go of me, Potter."
He smirked and ignored her request, moving closer to her.
" Sometimes I forget that you exist," he noted, hand coming to her chin and lifting it. "Staying out of the spotlight Lovely Lily."
" Don't call me that," she snapped. James continued to twist the lock of hair in his grip with a pleased expression.
"What Lovely?" he asked. "It's true, isn't it? You've never broken a rule until now."
Lily let out a squirmed as his hands caged her against the tree and his lips grazed her nose.
" I used to stare at you in Charms school," he admitted, with not a shred of embarrassment. " It's the hair."
Lily stiffened against him as he touched the sensitive part of her neck, hand still toying with her hair. He smiled in amusement but before he could speak, she thrashed onto him, both crashing down.
James flipped them over and she turned red, realizing he was pinning her. He looked at her and laughed.
" Get off me," she hissed, squirming under him. He rose, helping her up with an unreadable expression in his eyes.
"I'll walk you back to the castle. I hope tonight's been insightful," he said, removing the binds on her legs. Lily walked in front of him through the woods, James reaching for her shoulder as they reached the lights of the castle.
" You're a wild card— not as lovely as they say."
"We have patrols."
She jumped, seeing Professor Dalloway standing to her side. The meeting had ended, with many of the professors streaming out. She could feel James's gaze on her and looked up, nodding to him. As November waned into December, they'd been assigned, new patrol partners. While James had gotten Professor Sinistra, Lily found herself in the company of the rather mysterious muggle studies professor.
"Right sorry," she said, tugging her cloak on. "I was a bit distracted."
He nodded, following her out of the room. After patrolling the halls with him, Lily found herself standing in the hallway between her and James's classrooms. She looked in the direction of his, fighting the urge to go over and spend another night with him.
But it meant nothing.
With that reassurance, Lily walked towards James's classroom. She entered the room, moving past the desks towards his private chambers at the back.
"Had fun with Dalloway?"
Lily removed her cloak, joining James on the couch where he sat with Charlemagne. She collapsed into the cushions.
"A rather mundane conversation about a muggle book he's fond of," she replied. James's eyes flickered and she rolled her eyes, knowing that he thought so little of muggle literature.
"Too bad our patrols are over," he responded, moving the stack of papers in his lap and coming closer to her. "I was having so much fun."
She hummed in agreement as he pushed her back into the couch cushions, lips descending onto hers. Lily kissed him back eagerly, wrapping her arms around James's neck. He settled in the space between her legs, running his hands over her sides.
"I'm sure we can manage," she replied, flipping them over and laughing at the hungry look in James's eyes.
Alice was staring at her.
"What?" Lily asked, brushing a lock of hair back behind her ear. Her friend flushed, blinking and shrugging.
"You look different," Alice said, leaning forward. "Something's changed."
Lily shrugged. Besides the near-constant sex, nothing else in her life had drastically changed. Her mother was still ill and Petunia refused to answer any letters. Meanwhile, security had ramped up at the castle with hit wizards stationed in shifts through the perimeter.
"How are things at the Ministry?"
"Dreadful… Crouch has gotten clearance for Aurors to begin using unforgivables in the field," Alice revealed with a frown.
"Why would he do that?" Lily demanded.
"Even the playing field," Alice sighed. "I get to teach trainees how to use the Imperius curse this afternoon."
Lily was silent, arms crossing as she struggled to digest that. For all aurors to be permitted to resort to the worst spells in existence meant that things were truly bad.
"We lost Parkins and Abbott on a raid last night," Alice continued. "With the upcoming election, Bagnold isn't going to be able to hold her seat."
"My uncle cannot be Minister of Magic," Lily answered, forcing back a shudder. Cygnus Black had declared his campaign months ago, using a series of muggle bombings and the bloody continuation of the war as a catalyst for a radical contestation for Minister. But Lily knew her uncle, she'd seen him Crucio dinner guests and laugh through it. That man could not be Minister of Magic.
"Bagnold's not polling well— she's losing favor with the heads of all major departments… Have you heard anything from your family?"
"Most of the Blacks broke contact with me after I joined the aurors," Lily answered grimly. She didn't enjoy speaking of her mother's family, let alone staying in touch with them.
Alice nodded, glancing around the Three Broomsticks before leaning in.
"And Dumbledore," she said in a low voice. "Have you seen him around the castle?"
Lily frowned at that. In fact, she hadn't seen the headmaster much since arriving. According to Slughorn, he'd been gone for weeks at a time, petitioning other countries' ministries for aid in the war.
"No. Dumbledore's been out of the castle for most of my stay."
Alice's face looked even grimmer as Lily chewed her lower lip. She glanced at the clock and knew she'd have to go back to the castle soon for a weekend patrol.
"I don't know if you've heard from Gideon recently but he and James got into a fight while we were out in October."
Alice snorted. "Potter broke his nose."
Lily winched and ran her hand along with the ancient wood table. "While they were fighting, James accused him of being part of some radical group. Alice, do you know anything about it?"
Alice's eyes flickered before she finally shook her head firmly.
"I'm an auror, Lily. I can't get involved with groups outside of the government," Alice snapped. "Merlin the idea you'd ask me that— do you understand what's at stake here?"
"I'm sorry," Lily flustered. "I just needed to know if- if there's anything more I can do."
"Stay out of trouble and keep your head low," Alice replied before looking at the clock. "I need to return. I have a Saturday shift."
Lily walked out with her friend, staying in the snow-dusted street in Hogsmeade as she tightened her cloak around her form. Alice looked at her with a peculiar expression.
"I don't want to intrude but… Well you see, Gideon said that you'd left with Potter that night," Alice noted.
"What of it? We live at the same school," Lily answered. Alice's face steeled.
"I trust you. Merlin knows what you've been through, but I hope you haven't forgotten what he did to you."
Lily flinched a bit, feeling guilt tighten in her gut. She nodded, saying goodbye to Alice and began walking up to the castle. Snow fell in flurries around her.
Alice was right to mention the past.
With James, the past was everything.
The past ensured that there was no going back.
Following that initial encounter during her fifth year, Lily had established a vendetta against James. She couldn't hate her cousins, knowing that Sirius was born with no emotional folly and Regulus, sweet Regulus, would do anything for his parents. But James Potter, the golden boy the entire school worshipped carried cruelty in his eyes.
She soon realized that they'd obliviated Mary, leaving her best friend with no memories of the torture and Lily wondering what else the Death Eaters in the castle were doing. She couldn't report them, not without any evidence. But she knew that was just an excuse to avoid severing all ties with the rest of her family. After her father's death the previous summer, the Black family had swooped in, saving her from the sole responsibility of looking after her ill mother.
She'd spent the next six months doggedly avoiding James and her cousin. But they made sure to interrupt her life. As time continued, more and more muggleborn students were found in the entry hall, slumped with haphazardly healed injuries. To her utter distress, Mary fell into desperate fear, wondering if she were next. Lily couldn't find it in herself to tell Mary that it was too late for her to be next.
By June, she'd found herself on the train returning home. Only she wouldn't be returning to the Everett beach house. She had a long summer ahead of her at Somerset House, the ancestral home of the Black family. As she left the train, saying goodbye to her friends, and looked across the platform to see Sirius and Regulus standing with Walburga and Kreacher, the elf sent to retrieve the Black family children every year. Lily made her way over, noticing that Sirius's friends were nearby, James included.
"How's my mother?" she asked, looking around for their cousin who'd just graduated.
"She's well— she's asked for you," Walburga answered. Lily nodded and side-along apparated with her aunt. She bustled into the manor, eager to greet her mother after being away for so long.
Pausing in the doorway to the parlor, Lily could hear her mother's warm laugh.
"Mum?"
She entered, seeing her mother, glowing with beauty on the couch in the center of the room. Next to her were her medi-nurse and Lily's grandmother, Cassiopeia Black, the source of Lily's vibrant red hair.
"Oh, Lily you've returned from school!"
She rose, limping to Lily's side and enveloping her in a tight embrace before looking out behind her.
"Where's your father?"
Lily's expression flickered with grief as she met her grandmother's eyes. For a moment, her mother appeared lucid but it was clear she was reliving a memory, courtesy of the brain damage from the manticore attack last summer.
"Marie," her grandmother said. "Why don't I show Lily to her room. She's traveled so long. Petunia will be here soon to join us."
Lily walked with her grandmother, the bulwark of the Black family. While Cygnus Black was the patriarch of the family, with Sirius in line to be his heir, they all knew that Cassiopeia was the hearth.
"She's not lucid still?" Lily asked, desperation in her voice.
"She's deteriorated," her grandmother revealed. "Her mental state is not improving. I wanted to warn you but Cygnus and Walburga thought it would be best to wait and see."
Lily felt a flicker of annoyance at her maternal uncle and aunt before nodding.
"She's going to get better right?"
Her grandmother stopped at the staircase, squeezing her arm.
"We don't know," she sighed. Lily felt a pit in her gut, an unsettling feeling that stuck as she changed for dinner that night. The entire Black family was assembling to greet their returning children. Lily entered the formal dining room, minutes late with her hair still wet from her shower, only to pause at the table.
While her entire maternal family was present, including her cousin Bellatrix, who according to rumors Michael had heard, had been part of a team that blew up a muggle school, there were additional guests.
"Pet," she greeted with a forced smile. Her sister looked at her, blanching at Lily's form. The two had hardly spoken in the past year, Petunia distant from her. Lily smiled at Petunia's fiancè Rabastan Lestrange. The two were set to be married by July's end.
"You're sunburned," Petunia responded tightly. Lily's face flushed until she felt a hand come to her shoulder.
"Hours of practice outside for Quidditch," James Potter declared. "Gryffindor finally beat us this year thanks to your sister's improvements."
Lily immediately wrenched her shoulder from his grip, throwing him a dirty look. Of course, he'd be here. James and Sirius were joined at the hip.
"She should be focused on spending time with members of our society not with the lowlifes on Gryffindors' team," Petunia griped.
"Don't speak of my friends that way," Lily snapped.
"Let's get seated," Rabastian said, sensing the tension. Lily looked around the room and frowned.
"Our mother isn't here."
"She eats earlier," Petunia answered in a cold voice. "Besides she couldn't handle a group this large."
Lily's eyes flashed as people moved to the table. She felt anger surge at her sister, who did nothing but complain about their mother's condition. As she delayed, she ended up at the only free seat next to James.
They were seated, Lily finding herself taking the only free seat next to James.
" Didn't expect such lovely company tonight," he drawled into her ear. She jerked away from him and flushed, feeling Fleamont Potter's cold gaze. Lily could hardly understand the marriage between James's doting and sweet mother Euphemia, a pureblood from France, and his cold father.
" How's school?" Orion asked to the table. " Weak Dumbledore still in charge?"
" Not for much longer," James said. Lily stared at him quizzically and he shrugged. "Easy enough— Lily's top of our class."
" You should spend more time at events," Petunia snapped. " Finding a suitor before sixth year is key."
" There's something attractive about an intelligent, well-educated woman," James said, eyes never leaving Lily's form.
" Besides, those skills will be useful in the future age— we'll need gifted healers," Bellatrix replied. Lily felt ill as the conversation progress, the group openly discussing a raid they'd been attending that night.
"We're in for a treat actually," Bellatrix declared with a wicked smile. "The Dark Lord has decided to join."
After the dinner, Lily stood by the window, watching the death eaters prep for battle.
" A kiss for good luck?"
She turned to see James, dressed in his black robes looking at her expectantly. He looked like the devil. Lily moved closer to him and he looked shocked as she leaned up.
" I hope you die out there," she hissed into his ear. She smiled cruelly at him, turning to go and feeling his gaze on her back.
She'd spent the following weeks of summer with her mother, growing more disturbed by how much her condition had deteriorated. When not with her mother, Lily found herself in meetings for Petunia's wedding, which the bride herself was leading alongside Druella Black and their cousin Narcissa, who was getting married that upcoming winter.
She avoided Sirius and his friends, which was easy enough as Sirius's family lived in the Black Townhouse in London. Once in awhile, they'd pop in for dinner and she'd be forced to endure James Potter's ever-sneering face.
By the end of July, she found herself in the whirlwind of Petunia's wedding day. Bellatrix had grabbed her at 6 am, dragging Lily into the room set up for the bride. After being tugged, plucked, and harassed for an hour, Lily was sent to wake Petunia. She entered the room and found Petunia asleep.
"Pet it's your wedding day."
"I know."
Petunia opened her eyes, evidently not asleep. Lily grimaced at the shadows under as her sister sighed, sitting up.
"Did you get any sleep?"
"No… I'm nervous."
"What for?" Lily asked, sitting to her side. "The wedding's going to be perfect. Aunt Druella and Lady Lestrange have been harassing the elves since last night."
"They're going to sedate our mother Lily," Petunia snapped. "My mother has to be sedated otherwise she'll make a scene. Not to mention our father got himself killed before he could walk me down the aisle."
"Oh."
Lily stared at her sister as Petunia blinked hard. She moved forward, wrapping her arms around Petunia as she cried.
"I hate him," she spat. "I hate him for being so bloody risky and doing this to our mother— why couldn't he just be normal?"
"He gave us such a magical childhood," Lily responded.
"He could've gotten us killed so many times," Petunia returned. "When you were four, he took us to that Dragon breeding program in Bulgaria and was distracted. Neither of them saw you walking right up to an enclosure. You nearly died."
Lily was silent and Petunia shook her head.
"I love Bas," she said. "I do. Mostly because he's a healer and doesn't go into raids or battles."
"Those aren't reasons to love someone," Lily answered. She knew she was being selfish but a part of her didn't want to watch her sister leave and move on.
"And what are?" Petunia demanded. "Take a lesson from our parents. Love is dangerous, especially with the wrong people. It's better to choose someone who'll keep you safe."
Lily nodded and Petunia sighed.
"I'm going to get up," she said, as Lily let go of her. "Thank you."
"We'll always be sisters right?"
Petunia was silent for a moment, wrapping her robe around herself.
"Of course."
Later that morning, Lily walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid with Rabastian's friend from Hogwarts, Gregory Rowle. She watched as her uncle Cygnus walked Petunia in. Her sister was radiant, glowing in the flowers of the manor's garden. Lily found herself looking away at the intensity of Petunia's heavy gaze, eyes landing on James. She frowned, seeing that he was whispering to Evan Rosier with a heated expression. Eventually, he looked up, returning her stare with a raised brow.
At the reception, Lily sat beside her mother and grandmother. Michael was to her side, engaging her grandmother in a discussion about his internship at the Ministry.
"Doesn't Pet look lovely," Marie said with a drug-induced smile. Lily squeezed her hand.
"She does."
"May I still away cousin Lily for a dance."
"Of course Sirius," her mother said in return. Lily grimaced as Sirius swept her into a dance. He was elegant, charmed with a graceful gait Lily hadn't inherited.
"You're the last one home now," he said, conversationally. "Petunia's been married off. Narcissa will be out of the house by December."
He dipped her, hand crushing her ribs.
"I'm sure one more person in the manor doesn't bother uncle Cygnus or Druella," she replied. "Besides they can't marry me off."
"Are you really that foolish— you fell into uncle Cygnus's guardianship the moment your mother hit those rocks," he said with a scoff. "Better get in line soon."
She broke from his grip, gaping at him before leaving the dance floor. Lily found herself on a balcony nearby, clutching her arms as she gazed out at the woods extending from the lands.
"Shouldn't you be inside celebrating?"
She turned, seeing James standing in the shadows.
"What do you want?" she sighed.
He moved forth and Lily bristled seeing the flask in his hand. She moved back, hitting the stone wall of the balcony.
"Move."
He didn't, instead of raising his arms to cage her in. She felt heat radiate off him and looked up, meeting James's gaze.
"What do you want?"
His hands didn't move and she felt the wind against them, moving closer to James. She could smell alcohol on his breath. She felt him tilt her head up to meet his face and her lips opened.
"You of course," he purred. She felt him lean down. "Ever since that night in December I've wanted to see."
"See what?" she asked, moving closer. Their lips were practically touching when he pulled back.
"If you're as icy as you seem," he said with a grin. "Good to know that not even the wicked witch of Gryffindor can resist me."
Lily's jaw locked as she huffed, moving past him.
"You're insufferable."
As the holidays crept near, Lily found herself stooped in work, creating midterm exams for all her students. She was seated at the professors' table in the Great Hall when a letter came down. Lily frowned, not recognizing the handwriting before opening it.
She paused at the picture of a child with dark brown hair and stared at the writing.
Hi Lily,
Oliver wanted to thank you for the thoughtful birthday present. We do miss you terribly and hope to see you around the holidays. You're always in our thoughts — Abilene.
It was brief, as were most of the exchanges Lily had with Michael's widow. She closed the letter, unable to stomach looking at it anymore before glancing at the prophet. Lily froze at the cover.
"There's been another attack in London?"
Professor Sprout nodded grimly.
"Muggle hospital attacked," she said, bringing her copy closer to Lily. Lily felt ill at the sight of the damage and debris. "The Ministry managed to arrest some death eaters?"
"Who?" Lily asked breathlessly. Professor Sprout's brows knitted.
"Alecto Carrow," she revealed. "She was my student and a few years older than you."
"I remember her," Lily answered numbly. Alecto was one of Bellatrix's friends, both sadistic and eager to rise in the rankings of the death eaters. Lily had once stumbled on the pair torturing a muggle orphan for fun in the basement of the Lestrange Manor.
She found herself in a bad mood when her sixth years came in and clearly did not do their reading. As she continued to lecture on, and none could answer any of her questions Lily froze.
"Clearly none of you have done the theory reading on the shield charm," she declared, looking at the group. "Which means you'll have no use for our practicum in the second half of class. So get out."
The students blinked at her and she motioned to the door.
"Professor Everett?"
Lily looked at Rowena Macmillan with a raised brow.
"Yes, Miss Macmillan?"
"How are we supposed to learn without having dueling practice?"
Lily crossed her arms, leaning back against her desk.
"Fundamentals are essential to mastering more complex spells," she responded. "Letting you lot practice your shield spells without knowing the theory behind them would endanger this entire group. I'd advise all of you to take the next hour to actually do the reading and practice the steps to the spell before turning to class on Friday."
With that, she watched her class stream out of the room.
She felt antsy, sitting in that room alone and left, walking out towards the snow-covered grounds. Lily sighed as she plodded on through the snow, mind, not at ease. She could see the outline of someone at the Pitch, racing through the air despite the storm. It'd been years since she'd flown and with Michael dead, Lily couldn't imagine picking up her old broom.
She continued on, walking towards the lake and reliving a past that would not relent.
Lily supposed the downfall truly started during her sixth year when she and Michael revived the long-abandoned dueling club. Until that November, when they'd put up posters for the first meeting, she'd managed to avoid Slytherins all together, with NEWT classes amping up and the outside world growing more terrifying.
"I'm nervous," she said to her friend, watching as Michael idly twirled his wand between his fingers. They'd gotten Professor Lane, their ex-auror DADA professor to supervise meetings, and he was running minutes late.
"Why," he snorted. "We're just going over basics today."
"I'm awful at dueling to start," Lily responded. "I don't have the instinct."
"Trust me you'll be fine— you're a natural teacher Lils."
She nodded at him, watching him with a fond expression. Michael had grown during the summer, shooting up several inches into a more solid body. He'd traded his boyish curls for shorter hair that she'd teased him about. But now, more and more girls were noticing him, elevating his confidence to a nearly intolerable level.
As their students streamed into the meeting, Lily greeted them pairing them by year to practice. She began to shut the door to the classroom when a hand held it open from the outside.
"Got any more room?"
Lily froze, taking in the sight of James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, the fourth Marauder.
"What are you doing here?"
"Offering my expertise," he replied. She snorted at that.
"I'm afraid you can't use dark spells here," Lily snapped.
"Ah Mr. Potter," Professor Lane said from behind her. "Glad you could join us."
She gaped at the two as James charismatically charmed their professor and wondered if Professor Lane knew the truth of what James Potter was capable of. She'd seen him once, that previous summer, in action.
She'd gone with Mary into Diagon Alley only for a Death Eater attack to happen. While Lily concealed the pair, they'd been trapped in the buried remains of a bookstore, watching as Death Eaters stormed the street torturing people. She'd recognized James and her cousin immediately, by their callous, laughing voices.
But as the club meeting continued, it was evident that James and even Peter had managed dueling in much more skilled terms than she or Michael. She watched as James shot a wordless hex at Peter, who immediately performed the perfect reflection charm.
"Next week we'll add in some transfiguration spells," Michael declared, closing the meeting.
"Speaking of transfiguration spells," Professor Lane said, helping Lily close up desks. "I heard an interesting rumor that you come from a line of spell-makers."
Lily looked at him, biting back a grimace at that reminder. She could practically see Michael grinning behind her and James let out a vocal scoff.
"Yes on my father's line," she revealed. "His grandfather created the Evanesce spell."
"Unfortunately the transfiguration gene seemed to skip Lovely here," Michael chimed in. "She barely made it into NEWT level Transfiguration."
"She can barely transform a mouse into a teacup," James added.
Lily rolled her eyes at this as they finished closing up and left the room. But what she didn't know is that for the rest of the year, James and Peter would continue to come and help with Dueling Club.
While Michael continued to regard them with mistrust, Lily's mind was coming to some startling changes. She'd watched James help a third-year muggleborn use a binding spell for the first time in late November. As time continued, she began to regard him less venomously, still on edge after Mary had been attacked last year.
In mid-December, Lily found herself closing up a meeting with him, the two putting away the dummies they'd gotten for students to practice.
"Are you returning to Somerset for the holidays?"
"Yes," she said, straining to lift one of the practice dummies. James came over, helping her and she brushed a curl from her eyes. "Petunia's pregnant and I haven't seen my mum in months. I assume you'll go back too."
"Of course," he replied. "My parents wouldn't forgive me."
She nodded, stacking the dummies against each other in the supply closet and he glanced at his watch.
"I'll go get the rest of them."
Lily finished and frowned wondering where James was. She began to move out of the closet and froze, hearing shouting.
"You can't keep skipping meetings!"
"I can't go back Padfoot."
She recognized James and Sirius's voices and moved closer to the door to listen.
"You don't get to quit James," Sirius warned. "That tattoo is not going to fade, no matter how many mudbloods you teach a stunning spell tooEvery day."
"I know that," James responded, sounding defeated. "But I don't want this."
"We have to finish our mission during the holidays," Sirius replied coldly. "You can either run back to Dumbledore for help or do your damn duty."
Lily jumped as she heard something crash and exited the closet, finding James on his own.
"How much of that did you hear?" he asked grimly.
"All of it," Lily answered. He nodded, looking pained and caught his face in his palms. "Is it true?"
"Does it matter?" James asked gruffly. "You don't get to quit the Dark Lord's service."
She moved closer to him, standing in front of James. He raised his head, meeting her gaze.
"Why did you join in the first place?"
James's jaw clenched as he met her gaze.
"My parents are older than most," he started. "So having me was a miracle. Most people don't know, but my mother was pregnant again."
Lily's mouth fell open as he nodded.
"A muggle robbed her in London," he said bitterly. "Stabbed her in the stomach and she lost the baby."
Lily felt horror tear into her at the image and James shook his head.
"My dad is too old to fight but he gives money. It was expected I join as soon as possible."
"You and Sirius initiated when we were third years," she said numbly.
"When Fleamont Potter expects something of you, you don't let him down," James replied darkly. Lily stared at him, surprised by the vulnerability in his voice. She moved closer, bringing a hand to his shoulder.
"I still think you're insufferable," Lily said. "But I want to help."
"There's no need," James sighed. "I'm a lost cause."
"We can go to Dumbledore," she protested. He looked at her, nodding for a moment, before squeezing her hand.
"Sickle for your thoughts?"
Lily jumped, looking up to see James hovering over her on his broom. He came down and she grabbed her chest.
"Don't sneak up on me," she sighed, giving him a dirty look.
"You're an auror," he replied. "Constant vigilance and all."
"Was an auror," she said softly.
"I thought your position here was only for a year," he answered, walking alongside her.
"It is but I can't go back. Not with Michael dead."
James was silent, stopping before the lake as she looked out over the frozen, icy water.
"That's a silver lining."
"Excuse me?"
He looked at her and shrugged.
"The aurors are dying in the dozens now. They're outnumbered on every level," he explained. "At least your mother won't have to bury a daughter along with her husband."
"Don't speak to me that way," she snapped. "You're the reason people are dying— you and your bloody purist friends are killing everybody I love. I have nothing left."
"Don't say that," James said with a scoff. "So you've lost Wood."
Lily gaped at him.
"You still don't get it. Whatever's going on between us may be nothing but James you know me. We were engaged for Merlin's sake. I wanted a marriage with you. I wanted kids with you!"
He stared at her, expression unreadable as she blinked hard, looking away from his tight gaze.
"When we were in school I thought things could be different," Lily sighed.
"You wanted kids," he repeated, eyes flashing.
"Wanted," she answered. "I could never bring kids into this world. Everyday there's countless dead children listed in the papers. Is this really the world you wanted?"
James was silent, staring at her and she shook her head.
"This thing between us is nothing. You are nothing to me," she repeated, stepping back and leaving him by the lake.
When Lily returned to Somerset for a break during her sixth year, she and James Potter had reached an uneasy truce. After spending days with her mother and grandmother, Lily found herself in Diagon Alley with Michael, Marlene, Mary, and Benjy. They'd left her in a bookstore when she felt a hand tap her shoulder.
"Of course you'd be in a bookstore."
She blinked at James as he smirked down at her.
"It's raining outside," Lily protested, wrinkling her nose.
"I love the rain."
"It's nearly Christmas. It should not be raining," Lily replied. James nodded grimly and she laughed.
"Spending the holidays with your parents?"
"Yes," he answered. "They're out in muggle London right now. Mum managed to convince my father to venture outside the Wizarding World for once."
Lily nodded and went to check out the tomb she'd been pursuing on Ancient Potions.
"I'll see you at the wedding of the century then?"
Lily laughed and gave James a bemused expression. "Don't call the wedding that in front of Narcissa; she'll give the Prophet title the article on it that."
"There's an article?"
"Frontpage on Sunday," Lily replied.
"Can you imagine the audacity," James continued. "Getting married on Christmas Eve morning is pretty ballsy even for your cousin."
"Yes it is," she laughed, exiting the store with him.
Later that evening, the nearly friendly interaction with James remained in her thoughts as she played a game of wizarding chess with her mother. As she prepared to move her bishop, Cygnus entered the parlor with a grim expression.
"Fleamont Potter was attacked earlier today," he revealed. "A muggle shot him and Euphemia in London. He died in St. Mungos an hour ago."
Immediately, her mother was hysteric and her grandmother swayed. Lily stared at her uncle, an unreadable expression on her face as she took into the horrible information. As she struggled to digest it, all she could think about was James.
That night, when her entire family was asleep, Lily found herself flooing into the Black Townhouse. To her surprise, Regulus said in the parlor with Walburga.
"Lily what are you doing here?" he asked.
"Where is Sirius?" she demanded. Regulus's face twisted with confusion.
"Sirius went to Mungos to be with James," he responded. "Why do you ask?"
But she was already out the door, sprinting into the night. She'd run ten blocks, reaching Mungos in the peak of the storm. Lily entered, reaching the desk and asking where the Potters were.
"We can't give you that information Miss," the woman at the desk squeaked. "Not unless you're family."
Lily stared at her in frustration, chewing her lower lip.
"Lily is that you?"
She looked up past the desk and blanched at the person who'd greeted her. She hadn't spoken to her cousin Andromeda in years, in large part due to Andromeda being banished and exiled from the family after eloping with a muggleborn.
"Andromeda," she returned, seeing her cousin's healing robes. "Merlin it's been ages."
"Yes it has," she returned with a quirked lip. "Why are you here?"
"Oh- well James's father died and his mother is still here being treated," Lily explained. "I came to see him."
"James Potter?" Andromeda asked, with a surprised expression. Lily was surprised as well, but something in her gut brought her here.
"We're frien— we run the dueling club together," Lily blabbed. Andromeda nodded, turning to the receptionist.
"She's my cousin I'll bring her inside," she said. Lily followed her cousin inside, noticing for the first time that Andromeda had the same nose and lips as her mother.
"Lady Potter will be on this floor," Andromeda said, guiding Lily inside.
"Thank you," she said as they reached the emergency floor. Andromeda stopped in front of a door, gesturing to it and nodding at Lily. Lily watched her begin to leave and felt her stomach catch in her throat. "I'm sorry."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I'm sorry I never reached out."
Andromeda's face melted, her brows coming together the same way Lily's dad when she was stressed.
"You were a kid— you are a kid Lily," she responded. "You have nothing to apologize for."
Lily blinked at her and Andromeda reached for her hand, squeezing it.
"If you ever need anything," she said. "I'm here."
Lily nodded, before turning and facing the door. She entered the room, seeing James sitting by his mother's bedside. He looked up and she swallowed at his grief-struck face, the redness of his eyes and the tears on his cheeks.
"James," she said, moving to him. Lily stopped in front of him, hand coming to his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
He was silent, staring at her and Lily knew at that moment this was a mistake; she had intruded by coming. Suddenly, James rose and Lily stiffened as his arms circled her, head falling on top of hers as he shook with silent sobs.
"You're okay," she said, remembering the day her father died. Her mother in treatment and Petunia screaming. Lily had remained untouched, with no one to hold her for days. It wasn't until she was with Michael at the funeral that someone remembered to hold her. "I'm here."
She stayed with him for hours, leaving when the healers arrived to check on his mother again. She'd gone home, unable to sleep in her own bed and going to her mum's room. Lily crawled into the bed, reaching for her mum's hand.
"Who's there?"
In the darkness, she could feel her mum's gaze on her as she thrashed out of Lily's touch.
"Mum it's me," Lily said. "It's Lily."
"Lily?"
Lily moved to her, wrapping her arms around her form and cried.
"I'm your daughter," she managed, blinking hard as tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm Lily."
Her mother was silent and still, before finally stroking her hair and holding her tightly.
In the next few days, the Manor was swept up in preparations for Narcissa's wedding, which would be held at Somerset House. Lily couldn't manage to escape her aunt's hawk-like gaze and was roped into helping out. She'd gotten a moment's freedom to leave and scrawl James a letter.
By the time the wedding reached, Lily hadn't heard from James in days. She'd seen articles on the death, as well as subsequently perceived retaliation from the death eaters in the form of massacres throughout England. She couldn't even corner Sirius to ask about his friend.
As a result, Lily found herself stuffed in a set of black dress robes on Christmas Eve, walking down the aisle with Evan Rosier, Lucius Malfoy's friend from Hogwarts.
The entire room was silent, except for the grand piano, as Narcissa entered. She wore a white dress with Black and silver embellishments as well as a silver tiara. She looked amazing. But Lily was caught by the intensity in her gaze as she stared up at Lucius Malfoy. She couldn't stop watching and remained fixated on them.
Lucius Malfoy annoyed her to no end, but he'd made her cousin so happy, happy enough to cry on the altar as he slipped the ring onto Narcissa's finger. As the wedding streamed out into the reception, Lily found herself downing glasses of champagne with her friend Marlene. After seven flutes, she'd found herself dancing with Grant Montague, at the behest of Bellatrix.
"You're staring at the bride."
She flushed, looking up to her dancing partner's face. Grant also had green eyes, albeit much lighter than her own.
"I can't help it," she admitted, with a slur to her voice. "She looks so happy."
"Jealous?"
"No," Lily answered, allowing him to dip her as the music continued. "I'm happy for her. But- well you know Lucius, he's not the most doting person."
Grant shrugged as the dance ended, squeezing her waist.
"The heart wants what it wants," he replied. He opened his mouth, only for someone to tap Lily's shoulder. She turned and her heart clenched.
"James?" she asked bewildered. "What are you doing here?"
He looked at her with heavy-lidded eyes before glancing at Grant.
"Like I said, the wedding of the century," he slurred. She could smell the alcohol on his breath and sighed.
"Grant excuse us," she said, taking James's arm and tugging him towards an empty table. "Sit."
"Let's dance Lovely," he answered, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her towards the dance floor.
"You're drunk," she sputtered.
"Doesn't mean I can't dance," James matched. She shook her head as he led her through the waltz.
"You're being inappropriate," she stuttered as his hands swopped lower than her waist. She could feel people staring and flushed heavily. "James."
"You wouldn't care if there weren't an audience," he snapped. "But there always is."
"You shouldn't be here."
"Why not?"
"Your mother-"
"My mother is comatose," James said darkly. "I've been by her bedside for days."
Lily could see the pain in his eyes and nodded, shakily.
"Let's go somewhere more private," she suggested. "I think you need some air."
James's eyes darkened as he nodded, letting her lead him off the dance floor. They wove through a crowd of guests, ducking out through a hidden passage in the ballroom Lily found as a child. As she brought James into the empty library, he whirled around, caging her into a shelf with his arms.
"What are you doing?" Lily demanded. But she froze as he leaned closer to her, face at her neck. She could feel her hand shake as James brought one arm down, circle her waist and pushing her flush with the bookshelf.
"You wanted to go somewhere private," he murmured, breath hot on her neck.
"You're drunk."
"Tipsy," James replied. "Now stop asking me so many questions."
Lily was silent, shocked at his tone as James brought his other hand down and held her face. She felt her eyes flutter shut as his lips descended onto hers. He tasted of cinnamon and was so warm. Lily gasped against his lips as James moved against her. She leaned up, arms coming around his neck and tugging at the locks of hair there as he broke into a frenzy, forcing her mouth open and pushing his tongue inside.
"Lily," he rasped, breaking the kiss and bringing his lips to her neck. He peppered her neck with soft kisses before nipping at her pulse, making Lily moan slightly as she tugged him by the shirt closer.
"Oh James."
At the sound of her voice, he let out a deep sound, moving back up to capture her lips. She met him eagerly, hands roaming his hard abdomen as James let out a sound of appreciation.
He tugged at her dress and Lily wrenched his shirt from his pants, tugging the buttons free and running her hands over his chest. She felt a rush at the hard muscles that greeted her palms and James moved lower, growling as he worked to remove her dress.
"There's ties at the back," she said breathlessly, turning around. He pressed her into the shelf, grinding his hip into her back as he tugged her dress's back loose. Lily whimpered as James kissed and nipped his way down to the low of her back before he tugged her dress off her using his teeth.
"You're perfect," he rumbled as he returned her and took in the sight of her, wearing nothing but scanty, lace underwear, and bathed in the moonlight breaking in through the window.
"Kiss me," Lily demanded, pulling him back to her. She wrenched his robes off and then his shirt from his arms, allowing James to tug her down to the ground. He moved lower, wrestling her bra straps from her shoulders with his teeth before teasing her nipples with his hands. "Oh, James!"
She could feel his smile against her ribs as James removed her bra, pulling it off. He looked at her against, knuckles brushing over Lily's cheek as his eyes turned black in the dim moonlight.
"You look like heaven," he said, continuing his ministrations at her chest. Lily felt her hip arch up into his as her shaking hands undid his belt, chucking it to the side and tugging at his pants.
"You're distracting me," she complained as James laughed. Lily's eyes nearly rolled back as she felt the deep vibration of his laugh against her body. She felt so warm, so safe here. And everything felt perfect.
"Let me help you," James declared, pulling his pants off in a fluid motion. His hands went lower, teasing their way down her waist to her hips. "Is this okay?"
"Yes," Lily breathed. "Please James."
He took her words to heart, bringing his hand inside her underwear and slipping his fingers into her folds. She immediately arched into him, unable to stop the deep moan from escaping her throat as James ran over her, over and over.
"James," she exhaled, saying his name again and again as he brought his fingers inside her. Her pulse soared up into a roar as she kissed him, biting the spot where his collarbone connected to his neck.
"You're so tight," he managed, adding another finger inside her, causing Lily to jolt under him as she moaned his name again. "And so bloody loud."
Lily flushed as he chuckled, grabbing his wand and muttering a muffling spell. He set it down bringing his free hand to her face and holding it as he continued to pump his fingers into her. She could feel her climax coming and said his name over and over, in prayer as James brought her over. As the aftershocks fell over Lily, her entire body tingling, James removed his hand from her.
"Please," she gasped, reaching for his boxers. His expression unwound as Lily brought her hand around his member. "Please."
"Lily," he said. "You're drunk."
"I'm not," she protested. He shook his head, kissing her cheeks gently and running his hand over her side. "You're drunk."
"Not enough to do this on the ground of your family's library," he answered, jaw tightening. "Let go of me."
Lily flinched, bringing her hands out of his boxer and James caught the expression on her face. He kissed her gently, before lifting her up so she sat in his lap, straddling him.
"I can't control myself around you." he started, voice deep and vibration against her throat. "When we have sex, it's not going to be like this. I couldn't do that to you."
She shook her head, shock coming over her as she realized how far they'd gone. Lily felt sick, scrambling up and reaching for her dress.
"We're not going to have sex," she managed. "This was a mistake."
She didn't catch James's expression as she pulled her dress on, trying to pull herself together.
"You're not going to be able to go back out there," he said. "You look thoroughly ravaged."
She swallowed, sliding her heels back on and attempting to redo her dress laces. She sighed in frustration and felt James rise, bringing his hands up to redo them. Lily fought the urge to relax into his light touch.
"We're not going to have sex," she repeated, breaking away from him and facing James with a severe expression.
"Whatever you say, Lily," he replied, winking at her. She left him there, feeling something in her change that night, and not for the better.
R&R- Rin