AN: TW for sexual assault.
It was the Thursday before the Christmas holiday break when Lily realized what was wrong. She'd finished eating a box of honeydukes that Marlene mailed to her and closed the last of the midterms she'd finished grading with a satisfying feeling. She only had a few more papers to grade for the younger years before taking on the papers she'd set for the upper students, which they would turn in the following day before heading home for break. She proceeded to head down to the Great Hall, still feeling hungry, despite her gorging on the entire box.
"Lily," Madame Pomprey greeted as Lily slid into the seat next to her. She greeted her in return, loading her plate up before yawning. "Tired?"
"Exhausted," Lily replied. She'd been sleeping more and more, James taunting her for collapsing after one round a few nights ago. "And famished."
She tucked in, merrily eating away.
"I'll miss the treacle tarts," she said conversationally, practically humming as she listening to Madame Pomfrey prattle on about her day at work.
"And then poor Miss Raincroft came in," Pomfrey continued, as Lily took another tart. "She'd been terrified— I suppose I would be too if my mother never warned me. Found blood in her skirt and thought she was dying!" Lily laughed at the story as she leaned in to take a spoonful of the tart but her spoon clattered down to her plate.
"I had to sit the dear girl down. She was my fourth this month alone; you'd think these parents would expla-"
"Excuse me," Lily said numbly, rising and immediately leaving from the table. She felt so hot, forcing her robes off as she hurried out of the hall, counting on her fingers over and over again.
"The week before Halloween," she said aloud, the realization deeply hitting her. Not paying attention to where she was going, Lily didn't hear a voice calling her from behind until a hand came to her shoulder. She turned around to see Lacey Selwyn, the current head girl, holding her shoulder.
"Professor Everett," she said, breath panting in her chest. "Professor Dumbledore sent me."
Lily's brows knitted together as she caught the expression on Lacey's face.
"What's happened?" she asked.
"He wants you to come to his office. Something happened to your mother."
Within an hour, Lily found herself at St. Mungos, Lucile, her mother's medi-nurse, walking her towards Marie's room.
"I left her alone for minutes," Lucile repeated over and over. Lily ignored her, speeding up. "For minutes."
They reached her mother's room and she ripped the door open, staring at her mother's body. She was hooked up to some type of machine, a faint glow surrounding her body as a healer turned and faced her. Lily practically flinched at the sight of Andromeda Tonks.
"Get out."
Her cousin's face collapsed.
"Lily," she said.
"Get away from my mother," Lily snarled. Andromeda nodded, moving back. Lily came to Marie's side and felt tears in her eyes as she stared at her mother's sleeping form.
"She went into cardiac arrest," Andromeda said softly. Lily's palms clenched around the sheets that covered her mother. "The potions she's been taking for the mental deterioration from that attack all those years ago had heart damage as a possible side effect."
Lily shook her head.
"This is impossible," she argued. "My mother's been going to monthly checkups to ensure that the potions weren't harming her."
"Something changed in the past month," Andromeda replied. "It's like her heart just gave up."
Lily continued to shake her head and wrenched her shoulder away as Lucile brought her hand to it.
"Don't touch me," she snapped, feeling her entire body shake. Her mother looked so small, so frail in the bed. Lily caught her hand in hers, squeezing it.
"I'll leave now," Andromeda said. "There's a night healer assigned to her case, they'll make sure she's okay."
Lily ignored her cousin, hearing the door close. She remained by her mother's side through the night, falling asleep there. Lucile had left, Lily telling her to get some rest. As she fell into a fitful sleep at her mother's bedside, her thoughts turned back to the past once again.
After sleeping with James, things changed. Lily found herself in his company more and more. To her surprise, he'd begun to join her in the Library in the mornings, when so few were around. He'd also continued to help her close up after the dueling club, walking her back to Gryffindor Tower after.
As Spring continued, Lily felt more frustrated, however. James had not brought up their night together, nor any future between them. She began to wonder if the whole thing had been a dream.
But Lily was severely distracted with classwork and applying for ministry internships with Mary so she'd often forget about her and James's lack of relationship. By the beginning of June, she'd been locking up after the final dueling club meeting with him when he brought up the summer.
"I'll be at Puddlemere's early recruit program all summer," he said. "Training all day."
Lily raised a brow at him.
"Sounds perfect for you."
James shrugged.
"Mum doesn't want me to pursue Quidditch," he returned. "She'd rather see me settle down at Sleekeazy's and continue leading the company."
Lily glanced at his hair.
"You'd make a shoddy poster cover for a hair company with that mess," she teased. James rolled his eyes at that one.
"My father was preparing to sell anyways," he continued. "There shouldn't be anything holding me back from pursuing Quidditch."
While she was a decent seeker, securing a few wins for Gryffindor in her now two-year sting as the first-string seeker, James was born to fly. He'd been the first first-year to make a Quidditch team in decades, playing as a first-string Chaser since then. Moreover, he'd mastered feints and impressive maneuvers that would have landed Lily in the hospital.
"So what's your problem?"
"Seems rather tasteless in the war," James returned. "I'm taking the NEWTS to do something more important."
"Like what?" Lily asked, hefting the final box in place.
"I'm good at healing charms," he offered. "Besides it's in my blood."
Lily looked at him in surprise and James caught her expression, cheeks turning light red.
"That's rather brilliant," she finally said. He smiled at this, nodding. "But my dad always used to say that life's too short for one career."
The pair began to leave the room and James asked her what her plans were.
"Oh," Lily said, grabbing her cloak and bag. "I've got an offer to intern at the Experimental Charms committee."
"Now that's actually brilliant," James returned. Lily smiled.
"Yes, I suppose it is," Lily replied. James nodded, holding the door open for her and she froze, staring at him, knowing this was probably the last time she'd be alone with him. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," James returned. Lily nodded, pushing the door shut and looking down.
"Why hasn't anything happened here?" she breathed.
"What do you mean?" James asked in confusion.
"We slept together," she said softly, meeting his gaze. "I thought that meant something."
James's expression collapsed as she shook her head.
"Forget about it," Lily said, moving to the door but James caught her, turning her around to face him.
"We shouldn't have slept together," he said in a low voice, as Lily's face collapsed. "Not because it was a mistake— because Lily we'd be brilliant."
"Then what happened these past few months?" she asked, with a nervous sigh.
"I'm spying on the Dark Lord for Dumbledore," James answered. "If anybody found out, I'd be dead immediately. Us being together endangers you."
Lily stared into his gaze.
"You said you wanted all of me and then acted like we were nothing more than friends these past few months."
"As much as it hurts, I'd rather see you safe and protected by the Blacks than at risk. If the truth gets out, they'll question your allegiance next."
"I don't care."
James smiled sadly.
"But I do," he returned. "I lost my dad Lily and nearly lost my mother. I'm not losing anyone else."
"So where does that leave us?"
"I don't know," James sighed. "Merlin knows these past few months have been horrendous without you."
"We could be together and not tell anybody," she offered. James's eyes flashed.
"You deserve someone who will shout up the castle towers that they're with you," he returned. "Someone who can hold your hand in the halls."
"But I want you," she replied, leaning up and tugging his face down. Before they could kiss, James moved back. "I don't want to live in fear James."
That August, her grandmother died, quietly passing away in her sleep. Lily was crying at the funeral, a massive event that brought scores of people.
"Stop crying," Sirius snapped. Regulus had shot her a sad look, coming to sit with her and her mother in the front row. Once again her mother had to be sedated for this event and was barely aware that she was attending her own mother's funeral. Lily remained outside the Black family mausoleum in the ancient Wizarding graveyard at Godric's Hallow long after people had apparated to Somerset House for the wake.
"Lily?"
She turned, seeing James Potter appearing in the distance with wet hair.
"James," she said, surprised as she hadn't seen him at the funeral. "What are you doing here?"
"Did I miss it?' he asked, panting as he stood in front of her.
"Ended an hour ago," she replied. He cursed, running a hand through his hair.
"Practice ran late," he explained, leaning over as he caught his breath. "I've been running drills all morning."
Lily merely stared at him. She hadn't heard from him all summer, besides a brief letter. In fact, Lily had stayed out of touch with most people, bustling between her internship and home with little time to relax.
"I'm so sorry," James said. But Lily shook her head.
"Where have you been?" she asked, voice cracking. "You left me all summer."
He stared at her and she shook her head bitterly smiling.
"I shouldn't have expected more," Lily laughed. "This is nothing after all."
"I've been at practices all day and playing spy for Dumbledore all night," he hissed, voice going low. "I've had to lie to so many people— even my mother!"
She stared at him and guilt flashed across his face.
"I know I've been a shite friend," James continued. "But I'm so close Lily. The program's nearly over and I'm bound to get an offer from Puddlemere any day now."
"Right then," she said, brushing at her eyes. "Do you mind leaving? I need a moment."
James stared at her, eyes going hard as he coughed.
"Sirius said you were head girl," he noted. "Reckon we'll be spending a lot of time together. I was appointed head boy."
She didn't bother to digest the information.
"Leave."
"I'll do better," James vowed. "I'll write to you tonight."
And he did but Lily didn't bother to answer, feeling bitterness infiltrate her heart. She'd spent the rest of the summer mourning, with her family trying to get her mother to move back into Somerset House. But Lily refused, not allowing t her sick mother under the same roof as Voldemort. She'd hired a medi-nurse to live in the house.
Petunia remained distant, Lily hearing from Bellatrix in a letter that she suffered a second miscarriage. Lily tried to reach out but was met with silence from her sister.
She'd grown distant from her other friends, who were getting more and more involved as the war intensified. Alice and Frank had graduated only to trade Hogwarts for the long hours of the Auror academy. Michael was spending the summer in France with Abilene's family while Marlene found herself helping out at home taking care of her newest baby sister. And Benjy, according to Mary, wasn't planning on returning to school as muggles continued to be slaughtered.
Her sweet Mary was spending the summer across the world with her American father. She wrote of the beaches and fabulous muggle drinks in California, leaving Lily feeling more alone than ever and longing for school to start. She began taking her mother on daily walks in the evenings on the beaches of St. Ives. It was there in late August that she ran into Grant Montague again.
Her mother had insisted on going into town to take Lily to her favorite sweet shop from when she'd been a kid. Lily had indulged her, knowing that it was quite the opposite way with her being the one to take her mother into town. Lily had been listening to her mother babble on about a photoshoot that happened twenty years ago when she saw Grant standing in the back of the sweet shop, helping two young girls reach the top shelf. He turned, bringing the sweets down to them. From their matching chestnut hair, Lily could tell that the girls must have been his sisters.
"Montague," she greeted, waving from her spot next to her mother. He looked up, catching sight of her and an easy smile spread on his face. He led the two girls over, stopping in front of her.
"Lily," he said in a warm voice. "Merlin I haven't seen you all summer? How have you been?"
"Alright," she replied, Grant's expression slipping down into a more serious one.
"I was sorry to hear about your grandmother. She used to play chess every Sunday with mine."
Lily nodded in forced gratitude. Her mother was looking at Grant with interest.
"You're Moira's son," she said, before looking at the two girls. "And you two must be May and Meera. You're starting Hogwarts this year!"
The two girls smiled at her mother and Lily fought the bitter surge inside her; her mother could barely recognize her most days but didn't struggle to recognize the children of one of her old classmates.
"It's grand to see you, Mrs. Everett," Grant greeted. Lily's mother smiled at him.
"Is your family vacationing in the area?"
"Yes. We're here till school begins."
"Well, you'll have to stop by the house for tea. Lily could the company."
Lily gaped at her mother. She was the most lucid she'd been in months and was using this time to attempt to set her up with Montague?
"I'd love that," he replied, smiling so wide Lily could see his pointed canines. "I'll see you around then."
She watched him go before leading her mother out of the shop. And he did stop by; the very next day Grant came by with a bouquet of Lilies, to her mother's delight. He'd charmed her in the parlor, indulging Marie's long, rambling reminiscing of the past as Lily gaped. Her mother hadn't been this calm in months and it was jarring. After Lucile, her mother's medi-nurse, came to take her for a nap, Lily showed Grant the restoration of her mother's gardens outside.
"I didn't know your family lived out here."
"My dad built the house for my mum," she answered. "After he died, my uncle and aunt took my mother and me in at Somerset House."
Grant nodded and Lily led him out of the thatched garden, feeling a sad smile come on her face. She hadn't seen blossoms in it since before her father died.
"Thank you for stopping by."
"I'd love to come more," he said. "I mean that is, I'd love to see you more."
She looked at him, blinking at Grant's aristocratically handsome face. Her heart had turned stone, longing for James turning to emptiness as the summer continued on. And now, staring at Grant's friendly features, she couldn't help but feel something erode it.
"I'd like that," she answered, giving him a soft smile. And he came often, nearly every evening after she ended work at the Ministry. He was interning at Gringotts, more fond of Arithmancy than anybody Lily'd met. She'd refused to take the course, being rather atrocious with numbers. She'd go on long walks on the beach with Grant, conversation flowing easily. They'd apparated to Diagon Alley a few times, splitting a sundae at Fortescue's.
The day before school started, Lily found herself sitting on a rocky bluff near the beach with him. She'd grown tan, as tan as she could be with her mother's English blood. She was throwing stones out at the sea as Grant watched her.
"I'm going to be a wretched Head Girl," she sighed. "I wish they'd chosen Lisa Clearwater instead."
"Don't be ridiculous," Grant answered with a laugh. "You managed to keep students in all years in line at dueling club. You'll be fine."
She shrugged.
"I don't particularly want it," Lily admitted. "Is that atrocious?"
"To not want to spend your year reviewing prefect write-ups and breaking up snogging couples?"
She smiled, looking at him and averting her eyes from the muscled plane of Grant's abdomen. He wasn't as solid as James but was still built from his work serving as the Slytherin Team's Keeper.
"Breaking up snogging couples might be the worst part of it… I've seen more of my cousin than I could ever want."
Grant chuckled and she turned back to the sea, staring at setting sun.
"When we go back," he said cautiously. "What happens to us?"
Lily looked at him with a frown.
"I've spent nearly every evening with you Lily," he continued. "And I don't want to stop seeing you."
"Oh," she said with a frown. "I don't want to either."
He smiled at that moving closer to her and Lily looked up into his eyes. Grant wasn't unbearably tall; her forehead aligned with his nose, letting Lily easily meet his gaze. She brought her hand to his shoulder as his wound over her waist, pulling her closer to him. As their lips meant, Lily felt a jolt of relief, realizing that she could think, that she could open her eyes and now feel like she was being drowned as she did with James.
He broke the kiss, a wide smile on his face.
"Are we dating then?"
"I suppose we are," she replied, smiling back at him. The next day, she'd left Lucile with strict instructions on who was allowed to visit her mother before apparating to King's Cross. She left her two trunks at the luggage car before boarding. She wanted to arrive early for her prefect's meeting, which hadn't been planned at all with James unresponsive for the duration of the summer to her letters. Only Lily found herself breaking up a fight between two fourth years, arriving minutes into the meeting to find James leading it in stride.
"Glad you could join us," he said, smiling at her. She blinked at him, noticing that James had changed tremendously. He'd bulked up more, losing any resemblance of boyishness. His face was comprised of sharp, exacting angles, the rounder cheeks gone. The only thing that remained the same was his messy hair.
"I was breaking up a quarrel," she said. "I apologize for being late."
"But you can't be prefect," Lisa Clearwater protested. "McKinnon's serving for Gryffindor."
Lily frowned, pulling the head girl pin from her pocket.
"Oh I was made head girl," she replied. Lisa's face turned violet.
"But you didn't even patrol properly," she blustered. "Rosier and Longbottom were always telling you off? How could Dumbledore choose you?"
Irritation flashed in Lily's mind. While she'd made it evident that she could care less about the duties entailed to being prefect, she was almost of her class and had restarted the dueling club the previous year. But she didn't bother pointing those factors out to Lisa, who was first in their class and had been the perfect prefect.
"I don't know maybe Dumbledore prefers literally anyone to you," she deadpanned. People snickered and she glanced at James who frowned at her before leading the meeting. She was distracted the whole time, looking out the window.
"Lily do you have anything to add?"
"Err," she said. "Don't bugger up or we'll confiscate your badge."
She knew she should have said more, but Lily felt uneasy in the meeting, something off in the air as the train continued to bustle through the countryside.
"Right then," James said, clearing his throat. "Well patrols are posted by the door for the train ride— make sure to follow them or I'—"
Before he could finish, a piercing scream broke through the train. Lily met James's gaze right as the world went sideways. She was suddenly thrown back, body slamming into the door of the car as it slammed to a halt. The glass window of it shattered as her head smacked into it.
The prefects were screaming and panicking but Lily cursed, feeling blood drip down her face.
"Calm down!" James exclaimed. "Seventh-year prefects come with me to see what's happening?"
Lily found herself moving shakily, freezing as a sudden cold sensation fell over her body. She swallowed heavily, swaying.
"Dementors," Mathilda Lockhart squeaked. "There are dementors out the window!"
Lily looked to the window, eyes widening at the sight of the hooded, floated figures surrounding the train.
"Everybody who knows how to do a patronus charm needs to spread out," James said, removing his cloak. "We need to defend the younger years."
With that, he barreled for the door, not even pausing for her. She followed him, clutching her wand and stopping at the sight of two dementors entering the train through a broken window in the hall. She could hear people screaming in one compartment and ripped the door open, finding three second-year Hufflepuffs inside.
"Expecto Patronum," Lily shouted. A hazy silver light exploding from her wand, slinking towards the Dementors but it fizzled out in seconds, sending the creature's attention to her. She began to back up as it launched towards her, cringing in fear. But before the Dementor could attack, a bolt of silver ran in front of her. She stared at the form of the misty stag that sent the Dementor reeling back. Hands grabbed her, thrusting her back as James pushed the Dementor from the train.
"Why the fuck would you leave the prefect's car if you can't do a patronus?" he demanded, rage in his eyes.
"I can," Lily protested, remembering that she'd been able to produce a silver light at the end of her fifth year. "I've done it before."
James scoffed, looking back towards the rest of the train with a grim expression.
"You need to apparate out," he ordered. "Take as many people as you can."
"I can help here."
"Leave."
He left her, standing in the hallway and Lily frowned, knowing she wouldn't be able to take more than two people with herself. She could see younger students streaming out in the droves from their cabins, some crying and staring at her.
She was their head girl, she'd realized. And she had to help them.
Recalling a book she had read on the process of making portkeys, Lily turned to the students.
"I need your robes," she said, taking her own off. "Pile them in the hall."
Working quickly, Lily began to charm the robes into portkeys. She'd recalled the criteria for choosing a destination and settled on the address for the Three Broomsticks, the closest address she knew, before finishing the spell and placing it on the robes.
"This will take you to the Three Broomsticks," she said, pressing the robe towards a group. "Tell Madame Rosmerta what's happening here."
She watched as the group of twenty assembled around the four cloaks, disappearing with a pop as Lily sighed with relief. She moved towards the next train car, to help more students leave only to freeze at the sight before her.
There were robed death eaters among the dementors, hexes and curses flying towards them. Suddenly her hand became clammy and Lily raised her wand, firing a stunning spell in the direction of the closest death eater.
"What are you doing?"
She whirled around to see another death eater and prepared to shoot off another stunning spell only for the death eater to remove her mask, revealing the face of Lily's cousin Bellatrix.
"What is going on?"
"Apparate out of here," Bellatrix ordered. "You shouldn't have been in this train car."
"Why are you attacking children?" Lily demanded, rage in her expression.
Bellatrix rolled her eyes.
"We're only after the half-bloods and mudbloods," she replied flippantly. "Send a message to Dumbledore."
Lily's wand remained up and her cousin eyed it with amusement.
"Put the wand down Lily," Bellatrix ordered. "Time after time you've proven that you're just like our sisters. You could've been great— fighting alongside m-"
"Stupefy," Lily shouted, stunning her cousin. She watched as Bellatrix's body flew back and began to shake, seeing the golden robes of aurors appearing in the distance.
They were saved.
"Lily!"
She looked up from Bellatrix's prone body to see Michael running over to her, a gash on his head. He stopped in front of her, eyes going down to Bellatrix's body as Lily began to shake her head.
"I have to wake her," she said, over and over. "Help me wake her."
"Why?" Michael asked, stopping her from going over. "The aurors have been trying to put your cousin in Azkaban for months. You're the first person to stop her from fleeing."
"I can't be that person," she answered, breath heaving. "Michael she's my cousin."
His eyes turned cold and he shook his head.
"I can't let you help her."
"Please," Lily whispered. "They'll hurt Petunia or even my mother in retaliation."
But it was too late, aurors upon them, gaping at the sight of the prone death eater who'd eluded their detection for the past five months. Lily was shaking as they took her cousin, lifting her and leaving.
"Who took her down?" a gruff voice shouted, breaking into the field of aurors surrounding Michael and her. Lily's heart plunged as she met the moving, magical eye of Alastor Moody. "Which one of you got Lestrange."
"It wasn't us," one of the aurors admitted, looking at her and Michael. She looked at her friend, horror in her eyes as his eyes melted a bit.
"It was me," Michael said. "It was me— I took down Lestrange."
And like that, he absolved her from cutting ties with the Black Family.
Lily nodded jerkily, Moody's human eye narrowing at them.
"We're apparating the rest of the students to Hogsmeade," he responded. "But you two will have to stay behind for furthering questioning."
"Why me?" Lily asked, frowning. Moody pointed to the pin at her chest.
"I'm sure the school's Head Girl will have some insight," he said. "Even if she is practically a Black."
They were held at the site of the attack for another hour, Lily seeing James, Sirius, Remus, Regulus, Marlene, and Benjy nearby. She and Michael were the last to be questioned, apparating to Hogwarts in the dim dark of evening.
"Thank you," Lily sighed, following him up the walk to the castle. He was silent, walking ahead of her. "For taking the fall."
"I don't understand," he said quietly. "Why you insist on protecting them. You know she killed my cousin Rick."
Lily swallowed and nodded. She'd read about Rick Vance's death in the prophet. His sister Emmeline had been in the year above her, a Ravenclaw who was rather passionate about advocating for muggle rights.
"She's my cousin… Bellatrix is a monster but she loves her family."
"She's destroyed families. Come to think of it every member of your mother's family has."
Lily knew he was right. She wasn't 16 anymore, a child dependent on the Black family to hold her broken one together. She was of age and capable of ensuring that her mother was looked after. She had no reason to sustain ties with the family who'd ripped many apart across their world besides the fact that they were her blood.
"You were gone all summer, romping around France with Abilene," she exclaimed. "You and Mary and Benjy were all gone! Marlene's family was in hiding. I was alone and they-"
"Don't make this about Abby," Michael said coldly. "I wasn't prancing around France— none of us were having lovely summers."
"You don't know that," she scoffed. Michael turned and faced her, the lights of the castle catching his eyes.
"We're part of an organization that's going to take Voldemort down."
Lily blinked at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Dumbledore's founded a group— it's called the Order of the Phoenix. When all of us became of age, we were invited to join. I was doing work in France to track Voldemort's initial move into the continent. Mary was doing the same in the states. And Benjy's been working as a healer for the members here who'd go out and stop the death eaters like your deranged cousins."
"Why hasn't the prophet covered this group?"
"The aurors cover it up," Michael said with a dark laugh. "Why admit that a rogue group is beating them to the attacks and trouncing the death eaters for them."
Lily nodded slowly, taking in all of this information. She hesitated, before finally asking the question she knew she had to.
"Why wasn't I tapped for it?"
"You know exactly why."
That evening, after the feast Lily and James had their beginning of the year meeting with Dumbledore. She was distracted the whole time, staring at the old professors with a frown, not knowing why she hadn't been selected for his group.
"Do either of you have any other questions?"
She shook her head, eager to leave and see the Head's Dorm. James did as well and Dumbledore smiled.
"Fantastic. Sir Headless will walk you both to the Head's Dorm and give you the password," Dumbledore explained. "But Miss Everett would you mind staying a moment later?"
She nodded, looking confused as James left. When the door to the chamber shut after him, Dumbledore looked at her, eyes twinkling.
"Impressive work today," he commented. "Leonard Cole mentioned to Professor Sprout that you were able to create portkey charms in the field."
"It was nothing," Lily replied carefully. "We learned the portkey theory last year."
"I'd be partial to agree with you if it weren't for the way you employed the charm," Dumbledore responded. He reached into his desk, pulling out a handful of seeds before lining them on his table. "I'd like you to perform a growth charm on these."
She stared at him, wondering what Dumbledore was going on about before taking her wand out and performing the spell. Lily watched as it shot out as a single bolt before dividing into six, each end hitting one of the seeds. Immediately, the seeds germinated transforming into small plantlings.
"Remarkable," Dumbledore said, lifting one of the seeds. "Can you explain the technique you used to expand the direction of the spell?"
Lily flushed.
"I don't know how I did that," she admitted. "I've been able to do so with simple spells like this one."
He nodded, stroking his beard with a curious glint in his eyes.
"Did you know your father's family is-"
"A line of spell makers," Lily finished. "I've heard it a dozen times but trust me I didn't get any of those skills. I'm quite average with Transfiguration and not the best duelist."
"Miss Everett, I think we can both agree you managed just fine today against your cousin."
"Michael stunned Bellatrix," Lily answered firmly. Dumbledore nodded in return.
"As the aurors and papers believe… You may leave now."
Lily nodded, rising, and feeling more confused by their brief conversation. She began to walk out, pausing before she reached the staircase down his office.
"May I ask you something, Professor?"
"Of course."
Lily turned, leveling her gaze at Dumbledore.
"Why was I not invited to join the Order of the Phoenix?"
Dumbledore considered this for a moment.
"Your allegiance to certain purists made many members find you a questionable potential member."
"You mean my family."
Dumbledore didn't nod and Lily shook her head.
"I'm best friends with a muggleborn student," she protested.
"Being friends with muggleborns does not make you an ally to them," Dumbledore countered. "Can you deny that you've witnessed pureblood students at this school attack others and fail to report them?"
Lily gaped at him, a flush crawling up her cheeks. She wanted to say it was more complicated than that. But it simply wasn't.
"I want to be involved," she said, ignoring his question. "I'm the best Potions student Slughorn's had since Damocles Belby was here. I could brew potions for you."
Dumbledore regarded this silently before nodding.
"You have nothing to prove," he said carefully. "I'm afraid we can't risk having someone so connected to Voldemort's inside circle anywhere near our work."
Lily nodded bitterly, the sting of rejection on her face.
"I am not my family," she finally said. "I have never worked for Voldemort or killed. I may be related to them but I will do more."
With that, she left.
She didn't speak to James in that first week, knowing that the following morning he'd seen Grant come up to her, expressing his worry and giving her a long and very public kiss in the Great Hall. When they broke apart and Lily joined him for breakfast at the Slytherin table, she could feel James staring at her.
"Since when are you and Monty happening?" Mary asked as Lily slid into her seat next to her in Potions.
"His family vacationed in St. Ives," Lily answered, preparing their station. "He'd come for tea with my mother every afternoon in August."
"What happened to him and Priscilla?" Marlene asked from behind them where she sat with Michael.
"Parkinson?" Lily asked, thinking of the petite brunette in the year below them.
"Yes— their families always had an understanding."
Lily took in the new information, frowning.
"I had a rumor they were thinking of sending all of us home," Michael said, interrupting them. Lily shot him a grateful look.
"That can't be true. Where else are we safer than with Dumbledore," Mary replied. Lily couldn't help but agree, despite Dumbledore's feelings towards her. She didn't bother bringing up to her friends that they'd all lied to her this summer, knowing exactly why. She'd seemingly chosen the Black family over equality.
The first week of school breezed by easily, bringing Lily to the first prefect's meeting the following Sunday. James had successfully avoided her, spending most time out on the Pitch and holding the Slytherin returning team members there, as Grant complained to her.
"After the attack last week, they're amping up security around the castle," Lily explained reading the final paragraph of notes she'd prepared. "Please let your houses know that there will be witch watchers stationed on the grounds and to not be alarmed by their presence. Does anybody have any questions?"
Priscilla Parkinson raised her hand and Lily looked at Marlene with a wary look before calling on her. Priscilla stood, narrowing her beautiful dark eyes at Lily.
"I just wanted to know where you get off stealing my boyfriend?" Priscilla demanded. Laughter rippled across the table and Lily flushed, hearing jeers from the other Slytherins other than Remus who looked embarrassed for her. Priscilla took that as encouragement, crossing her arms. "I suppose I shouldn't expect more from a mudblood-loving Gryffindor. You have no respect for traditions."
"Enough."
Lily turned to James, nearly flinching at the angry expression at his face. The table immediately silenced as he leveled a cold, angry stare.
"I will not tolerate you speaking of the head girl that way," he added. "Your peers nearly got kissed by Dementors last week and this is what you care about?"
Priscilla blinked hard, looking on the verge of tears but James wasn't done.
"I'm recommending to Dumbledore and Slughorn that your position as prefect should be removed," he continued. "Let this be a reminder to all of you of what's important right now— your jobs are not positions to bully. You're serving this school and protecting your classmates so start doing your damn job."
James rose, flashing Lily a nod before leaving. She stared at him, the sound of Priscilla's squeaked cries fading as she frowned at James's retreating figure.
September went by rather quickly, Lily and her classmates absorbed in their schoolwork, quidditch practices, and the impending recruiting for careers after Hogwarts. Lily knew she'd be taken back at the Committee for Experimental Charms in a heartbeat, the group loving her approach to charms theory. But she wondered if there was something better for her to do. She woke one crisp October morning, in a rather great mood. Lily tromped down to breakfast, checking in on the first years.
"Sugar quill for breakfast?" she asked Glenda Diddle, eyeing the girl munching away. Glenda blushed looking away and Lily laughed.
"That's a rather brilliant move," she said, flouncing to her friends. As she walked over, the prophet arrived and Lily felt eyes on her form as she took a seat next to Benjy.
"There's been a break-in at Azkaban," Benjy said in a low voice, showing her the cover with an image of Bellatrix on it. "Your cousin's escaped."
Lily's eyes flew to Michael's figure, watching as his face paled and he looked at her. She swallowed, knowing that she'd brought risk to his family. Later during Herbology, he informed her that his parents, two retired aurors, had gone into hiding. Lily found herself engulfed with guilt for the rest of the day while she studied in the library.
"The Witch Watchers?"
Lily looked up from her table to see Grant, hair wet from practice. He was holding a pamphlet on her table and she smiled up at him.
"They're doing great work," Lily replied.
"They guard children in a magical castle," Grant returned.
"Some of them. They have a division for tracking down runaway criminals."
Grant's expression turned grim.
"I heard your cousin got out," he said, taking the seat across from her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Is it wrong that I'm happy she avoided the dementor's kiss?"
"No— she's your family."
"She's killed so many," Lily replied guiltily. Grant nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it.
"That doesn't mean you're any less human."
That night, Lily had brought Grant into the Head's Suite to work on a Transfiguration paper only to get distracted quickly. She soon found herself straddling his lap in the cozy common room, Grant's fingers working the buttons of her shirt down.
"Lily we were supposed to meet at the—"
She froze, realizing that she was late to patrol with James. Lily looked up to see him staring at her and Grant, frozen in the doorway to the Heads Suite. His face contorted with anger but quickly turned to ice as she scrambled off of Grant.
"I'm so sorry," she squeaked, flushing bright red as she began to button her shirt up. "We lost track of time and-"
"Lily it's fine," Grant said, squeezing her shoulder. "James knows how it is."
She frowned at him as James crossed his arms.
"How what is?"
"Merlin knows you'd scive off morning classes last spring all the time to bring Greta Avery and all the other sixth year Ravenclaws over."
Lily's face collapsed as she took in that information. So James hadn't been pining for her while she'd pined for him. He'd moved on.
"Monty get out."
"It's fine James," she said bitterly. "Like Grant said you know how it is."
Following that encounter, things had turned positively icy between her and James to the point that their friends began to notice.
"What did you do to Potter?"
"Why?" Lily asked warily, a few days after he found her and Grant together. Mary shrugged.
"He's glaring across the hall at you. Thought he'd nearly burn a hole through your head."
By Halloween morning, Lily had received a note under her door from James stating that he would be unable to make it to patrol. He'd left her the map Remus had often used the year before during patrols. Two weeks had gone by since Bellatrix's escape without any new word on her or the other escaped Death Eaters. Lily had sent in applications to several other Ministry branches before reopening the Dueling Club with Michael. She found herself lost in the year, unable to find direction.
Halloween day went by easily enough, Lily stopping by Professor Slughorn's party with Marlene right before patrolling.
"Lily so glad you could make it," Slughorn greeted. "Come along there are some wizards from the Potion's Fold I want to introduce you to."
"I actually have to patrol Professor," Lily replied.
"Nonsense Mr. Potter can start without you."
"James isn't able to make it to patrol tonight."
Slughorn frowned, looking in the distance before nodding.
"I'd imagine so— he and Mr. Black are currently running through my supply of mulled mead over there."
She followed Slughorn's line of sight and froze at the sight of James and Sirius guzzling from bottles of mead.
"Excuse me," Lily said in a faint voice. "I need to have a word with the head boy."
She stormed over, grabbing one of the bottles from James and letting it spill on his face.
"This is why you couldn't make patrol?" Lily demanded in a low voice.
"Ah Lily-my-Lily," James slurred, arm going around her waist. "Where's Montague? Have you run out of blood for him to leech off?"
"Don't speak of him," she snapped.
"Lighten up Lils," Sirius hiccuped. "Why don't we bring her out for the fun tonight Prongs?"
"Sirius," James said in a sudden, cold voice. "Don't."
"Why not?" Sirius drawled. "You heard what the Dark Lord said last night— anyone who's not with us is against us."
Lily ripped from James's grip, throwing her cousin a dirty look before storming out. Hours later, she found herself walking the castle for patrol, holding out the map every once in a while.
Lily froze, eyes catching on the cluster of names in the forbidden forest. They consisted of some of the Slytherin fifth years as well as Glenda Diddle, a first-year muggleborn in Gryffindor. Lily didn't see James or Sirius's names with them and frowned, seeing their names, along with Remus and Peter's in another part of the forest. She stuffed the map into her pocket, running out of the hall, determined to stop the boys again.
She tore through the grounds, slipping past the positioned Witch Watchers on patrol, having known their schedule before. Lily continued to run, opening the map and tracking the group of fifth years.
Knowing her mistake from fifth year, Lily didn't bother to confront them, storming in and immediately stunning all three students. She watched as the stunning spell shot out, splintering into five bolts as adrenaline raced through her. She turned to Glenda but froze.
The first year was laying on the ground, eyes open and glassy as Lily stumbled to her side.
"Glenda?" she said, shaking her. "Glenda please wake up."
But the girl was dead, the body already cooling against the mossy-covered ground. Fury ripped through Lily as she whirled around to face the boys, only to find that her splintered stunning spell hadn't held with four of them rising and facing her.
"She was a first-year," Lily shouted, hand shaking as she approached them. Peter Bulstrode looked at his roommate Miles Gamp before raising his wand. Lily reached for her own, freezing when she realized she'd dropped it by Glenda's body.
"Petrificus Totalus," Bulstrode said lazily, smirking. The spell hit Lily, sending her to the ground. She was unable to move, as the five came to her. Bulstrode moved to crouch by her side, smiling cruelly at her. "What should we do with her lads? I've always had a thing for Lily Everett."
His hand came to her breast, squeezing it through the fabric of her shirt.
Rage filled her.
"Don't," Miles warned, taking his friend's hand. "Montague would kill us. Not to mention what Bellatrix bloody Lestrange would do to you."
"We can obliviate her," Peter answered, hand moving lower. "Come on lads who here hasn't wanked off to Everett before?"
"No," Theodore Nott said, grabbing his friend. "Miles is right I'm not in the mood to be castrated by Bellatrix."
"What do we do with her?"
"Obliviate her and leave her by the body," Miles supplied. "We can take her wand and do the killing curse on a squirrel or something— the Ministry will blame her."
Lily's eyes bugged at this; she was desperate to protest but realized that the Ministry would blame her. After all, she was related to the worst death eaters out there. Before the boys could cast the spell, a howl tore through the night, making Peter freeze.
"Do it," Miles ordered.
"Fuck," Peter said. "I overhead Rashley saying there are werewolves in these woods— didn't that sound close."
"I'll do it," Nott snapped, extending his wand. Before he could, something came into the clearing, emitting another howl as the boys cursed taking off. Lily felt fear come over her as she heard their shouts and running.
Suddenly, the wet maw of a werewolf was over her, dripping on her robes as she met its yellow eyes. It snarled, flashing its sharp teeth at her.
"Bombardo!"
The wolf was thrown back, Lily hearing it roar again.
"Take Moony back to the shack!"
She recognized James's voice and heard barking as the roaring grew distant. Lily heard James recite the removal spell and her limbs went slack as he helped her up but Lily forced him away, shirking from his touch.
"What are you doing out here?" he demanded. But she was shaking, shock engulfing her as she realized just how close she'd come to being set up for murder.
"They killed her," she said hoarsely. "I got here too late."
She said it over and over, not seeing that James's expression went from rage to sorrow.
"We have to go," James said softly. "Lily it's not safe to be here."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Go get the Witch Watchers. I'll stay with her body. I want them to know— I want them to see where those boys killed her."
"We can't do that," James answered. "They were initiating an-"
"They were going to rape me," she hissed. James's eyes went dark, his hand coming to her arm as he dragged her towards his chest.
"I'll kill them," he said, Lily feeling his body shake. She pressed her face into his chest, trying to ignore the pain and the fear ripping through her. James had levitated Glenda's body out of the woods and they brought her to the Witch Watchers. The following hours whirled about, aurors and McGonagall appearing, exclaiming that Dumbledore was out of the school. She'd provided her statement, James holding her hand the entire time.
"And what were both of you doing in the Woods?" Professor McGonagall demanding. Lily flustered but James answered smoothly.
"We saw them leaving the grounds. I thought they'd just wanted to go to Hogsmeade and convinced Lily that the Witch Watchers would stop them so we could finish patrol. But she was worried and twenty minutes after insisted we try to track them."
The auror taking notes nodded but Professor McGonagall's eyes narrowed. Lily nodded too, head jerking as she spoke again.
"Take my memory," she said suddenly. "Those boys should be in prison."
"It's not that simple," Professor McGonagall answered. "You said you didn't see any of them firing the killing curse. Professor Slughorn has all three in his office and all of them are claiming their wands are missing."
"Missing?"
"So it seems," Professor McGonagall said darkly. "They'll be expelled for attempting to attack you if your memory confirms as much. But I worry they've used Oblviation spells on themselves before disposing of their wands so there's no way to piece their memories together regarding the killing of Miss Diddle."
After being released, James walked with her back to the Heads Dorm, the night still stretching overhead. Lily watched him say the code and guide her inside. He helped her out of her mud-covered, dirty cloak.
"She used to eat sugar quills at breakfast."
"What?"
Lily looked at him dully.
"Glenda," she clarified. "When I checked in on the first years at breakfast she was eating a sugar quill."
James looked at her with concern, putting her cloak down.
"Let me run the bath for you," he said. Lily let him lead her upstairs, feeling so numb as James brought her to the bathroom, filling the massive tub with warm water.
"What will happen to those boys?"
"Best case scenario they're in Azkaban," James answered, dumping a scented mix into the bath. "Worst case, they're kicked out and are working for the da— Voldemort full time."
She nodded and James rose.
"I'll leave you to it," he said. Lily stared at him blankly and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He came over to her, helping her from her shoes, then socks.
"Do you want me to-"
"Yes," Lily answered, letting James pull her clothing from her. He left her in her underwear, guiding her to the bath and helping Lily in. She brought her knees to her chest and James rose.
"I'll be in my room. Call if you need anything."
She nodded, watching him go and close the door. When she was finally alone, a deep sob ripped through Lily's chest as she cried.
She cried for Glenda who'd never get to grow up.
She cried for Glenda's parents who'd sent their daughter off to a strange magical school and lost her within two months.
She cried for herself: the longing desire to have her parents hold her. But her father was dead, dust in a grave and her mother would not be able to bear this.
Lily rose shakily when the water had gone cold. Not bothering to towel herself, she went to the sink, staring at her pale face and red eyes. She washed her face, bringing her hair down from its bun to fall in curls around her shoulders before opening the door to James's door. He was in bed and set up as she entered.
"Lily?" he asked. She moved to him, skin still slightly wet from the bath. "What are you doing?"
Her hand came to James's face, holding it as she moved on top of him.
"Please."
James's eyes widened as she straddled his waist in her wet underwear, the sheer material sticking to her skin. Her lips fell to his face as her hands moved down his body.
"Lily," he said in a warning voice. But she ignored him, kissing his jaw and neck and face. "You were almos-"
"Please," she begged again, interrupting him.
She ran her hands over his abdomen, warmth meeting her palms as a deep male sound broke from James's throat. Lily brought her lips to hover over his and began to say it again as James kissed her. It was soft and light, his hands ghosting over her skin as Lily shoved herself flush to him aggressively. She kissed him forcefully, demanding herself to forget.
He broke the kiss when she bit down on his lower lip, breathing raggedly.
"Lily you're in shock," James said softly. "You don't really want this."
"I do," she answered, removing her bra and bringing his hands to her chest. James's eyes darkened and she felt him harden under her. "And so do you."
James swallowed, cursing as she guided one of his hands towards her lace underwear, and removing it.
"Lily," he said hoarsely. "You're destroying me."
She ignored him, shoving the duvet off him. James was just in boxers and Lily kissed her way down to his waist. His hands began moving, coming over her cold breasts as Lily tugged his boxers off with her teeth. As she brought her tongue over James's head, a moan escaped his mouth.
Lily licked at him and felt his body go rigid, hands tightening on.
"Merlin," he choked as she took him in. She continued to suck at James, stopping only when he pulled free.
"Are you sure?" he demanded roughly.
"Yes," Lily said, kissing his neck again. She heard him cast a contraceptive charm before taking her hips and guiding her over him in one move. Lily cried as James groaned, finally kissing her lips. He held her hips tightly, not letting Lily control them as he raised her up and down over him.
"Yes," she cried out, James's lips fervently on her breasts as she threw her head back. Lily could feel her climax building as he continued, grip ever tight on her hips. "Don't stop."
James removed one hand, knotting his fingers into her hair and bringing her face to his as he kissed her. She returned the kiss eagerly, rocking against his length as his other hand crept to her lower back to bring her closer to him.
"James," she gasped, feeling herself fall over her climax. Her walls clenched around him causing James to bury his face into her neck as he let go too. After the feeling settled over her, leaving Lily dazed as she fell onto James, he continued to pepper her with soft kisses.
James brought her off him, moving her to the bed as he used the wand to clean the mess at her thighs. He then leaned down, kissing her again and again until she collapsed against him, falling in the deepest slumber she'd had since her father died.
AN: a delayed chapter due to a recent move. Hoping to be more frequent.
R&R- Rin