The next day, Lily woke to an empty bed, still warm from the heat of James's body. She realized it was Saturday, meaning that the Slytherins had the pitch in the mornings. Her fingers splayed out over his side as the previous night's events washed over her.
"Grant," Lily said, shooting up and realizing what she'd done. She scrambled up, James's sheet around her body as she slinked over to her side of the suite. After a quick shower, Lily changed and grabbed her bag heading out of the suite.
Outside of the dorm, Grant was waiting for her.
Her heart twisted painfully at the sight of him, knowing that she'd cheated on this sweet, sweet boy.
"What happened last night?" he asked, eyes serious.
"How long have you been out here?"
"Two hours," he answered. "Potter canceled practice."
"What did you hear?" she asked warily. Grant moved to her, stopping in front of her to try and catch her shoulders in his hands. But Lily jerked from his touch, hurt appearing in his gaze.
"A first-year in Gryffindor was found dead last night," he said in a low voice. "Regulus Black said Nott, Bulstrode and Gamp's bed and belongings were gone. Someone said you were involved."
"They killed her," she said, numbness coming over her. Grant's eyes flickered at this. "I found them… They stunned me and Bulstrode wanted to ra— rape me but Nott and Gamp convinced him not to."
Grant's jaw tightened, eyes narrowing.
"Bulstrode is dead," he said, hands shaking. "I'll kill him myself."
"All three belong in Azkaban," she said carefully.
"Nott and Gamp didn't try to attack you did they?"
"No," she said, puzzled. "But one of them used the killing curse on Glenda and the others helped."
Grant's eyes flickered again but he nodded slowly.
"You agree right," she asked, insistent. "That all of them should be in jail."
"Don't ask me that," he answered. "I can't think of anything but muggle dueling Bulstrude— he tried to violate you."
Lily flinched, remembering Peter's words the night before and the look in his eyes. But she had a more pressing issue. She'd cheated on Grant and he deserved her honesty.
"Grant," she said softly. "I need to tell you something."
That evening, Lily found herself hiding in the back stacks of the library when she'd overhead two seventh year Ravenclaw girls speaking. She could tell one was Lisa Clearwater and the other was Reina Quinn.
"Richie heard that Lily Everett was the reason they got expelled," Quinn whispered. "Said they tried to rape her."
Lisa snorted and Lily ducked her head.
"Well Edmund Abbot told me that Montague was belligerent at the pitch— wouldn't let the Hufflepuffs practice. Apparently Lily went and slagged off with someone else," Lisa scoffed. "Not that I expected different from her."
"Last night?"
"I dunno," Lisa snapped. "Does it matter when— bottom line is that Everett gets everything handed to her and ruined one of the best blokes in our year. Merlin knows Priscilla's heartbroken and now Montague's hurt too all thanks to that slut."
Slut.
The word rang in her ears and Lily could hear the two girls coming closer. She packed her things quickly.
"Who did you think it was?"
"Who cares?" Lisa said derisively. "All I care about is that the world finally know that Lily Everett is not some golden goo-"
Lily locked eyes with her as the pair rounded the corner, both going silent as she shoved her bag over her shoulder and moved past them. She was blinking back tears as she left the library. Lisa was right. Grant didn't deserve to be treated the way she'd treated him.
"Lily!"
She whirled around to see Mary running towards her.
"I heard," she said, gasping for air. "I heard what happening."
Lily threw herself at her friend, crying as Mary held her.
"I'm here," she said. "I'm here for you."
"No," she said, pulling herself from Mary's arms. "I need to tell you something."
And she told Mary how the Slytherins had taken her all those years ago, torturing her before possibly raping her.
"I couldn't do anything," she said, crying. "They used a binding spell on me and obliviated you."
Mary was quiet as Lily reached for her.
"You let me be ignorant all these years?" she asked in a soft voice. Lily swallowed.
"It's not that simple— you'd been happy after and I didn't know what they'd done af-"
"I was raped," Mary snapped. "They obliviated me but I was… I was sore there for days. And I didn't know why."
"I'm so sorry Mar," she cried, wiping at her tears. Mary shook her head.
"You covered for them," she accused. "Your cousin was there and you—"
"I didn't do it for Sirius!"
But Mary didn't believe her, hurt in her eyes.
"I thought you were my friend," she said in a low voice. "And I'm so sorry Lily. No one deserves what almost happened to you. But it happened to me. And I've been tormented by those memories coming back in my dreams and thoughts— I thought I was going mad."
"Mary please," Lily begged. "I can make this right."
"How?" Mary demanded. "Will you go to Dumbledore right now and turn all of them in— Black and Potter included?"
"James has changed," Lily protested.
"That doesn't change what he did in the past," Mary hissed. "Nothing will erase that— and nothing will erase what you've done to me."
With that, Mary stormed off, leaving Lily in her wake.
She'd crawled off to the Heads Dorm after, unable to stomach the idea of facing the school following her fight with Mary and breakup with Grant. By night, she'd gone the entire day without eating, too nervous to risk the dining halls. She had to patrol with James and grabbed her cloak, swaying slightly before leaving the dorm.
He stood by the statue of the Headless Goblin on the fifth floor, waiting for her. James looked up at her but Lily brushed past him, continuing on. They patrolled in silence, reaching the ground floor half an hour later.
"I can't patrol tomorrow."
"Getting drunk with the lads again?"
"Detention," James replied. "McGonagall wasn't too pleased that we were out past hours."
"Why didn't I get detention too?"
James glanced at her, shrugging. Lily scoffed.
"You don't need to lie," she snapped. "If you're skiving off duty to go and fuck Avery then just say it."
She tried to move forward but James grabbed her, whirling her around into the wall of the hall.
"Would it bother you if I was?" he asked in a low voice.
Yes.
Yes, it would. Because that longing ache for James she'd nursed in her heart for months hadn't faded despite his coldness and distance.
"No," she breathed. He raised a brow, hand tight on her waist.
"Is that so?" James murmured, moving his body to press her into him. She nodded, looking down as his hands ghosted over her waist. However, before she could speak, a growl tore through her stomach.
Lily flushed heavily, shoving James away as he roared with laughter.
"Hungry Lily?"
"Shut up," she hissed. "I couldn't go into the Hall with Gra- with Montague having told everybody what happened so I didn't eat."
"You told Monty about us?"
"No… I told him I cheated on him."
"But not with me."
"No," Lily answered, quickly adding. "It'd cause drama on the team."
James didn't look like he believed her at all but looked down at her stomach.
"Well at least let me get you some food for stopping my team from combusting," he declared. He showed her the entrance to the Kitchens, sitting with Lily as the elves piled food in front of her.
When they reached the Heads Suite, Lily stopped James as he began to head to his chambers, taking his hand. She looked up, meeting his warm hazel eyes, and knew that she didn't want to be alone that night.
"Please."
She found herself back in his bed that night.
And the next night.
And the next night.
She spent every night of November in James's bed, needing the warmth of his hands and eyes more than ever before. As Mary wasn't speaking to her and the entire school had learned that she cheated on Grant, public engagements were not her favorite activities. Additionally, things around the castle had turned dour with scores of parents pulling their children from school following Glenda's murder. Lily had received letters from her family, demanding to know what happened on Halloween night but ignored all.
Lily shuffled from class to practice to prefect meetings mindlessly, looking forward only to patrolling with James and their subsequent activities. One night in bed, he explained that he'd been selected to compete for Puddlemere as one of their starting Chasers the following year but had sent an application to St. Mungos, waiting to hear back. She found herself confiding in him that she By mid-November, James was probably the only person in the castle whose company she enjoyed.
"Still so lovely," he declared, one cold night. Autumn in the highlands was ending, winter rearing its head in the form of flurries outside James's bedroom window.
"Excuse me?" Lily asked, tugging his duvet over her chest. "I cheated on my boyfriend. Not to mention the entire school hates me."
"Montague is a ponce," James answered, hand coming to her waist. "And the school doesn't hate you. No one's thinking about you anymore."
She blinked at him as James came over her, kissing her neck.
"No one except me spends every waking moment," he murmured, lips trailing her body. "Thinking about how lovely you are."
It was electric.
She molded into James as he brought his hands to her chest.
"James," she rasped. He stopped, eyes darkening and she felt him nuzzle her chin.
"It's the hair," he continued. "And these perfect breasts."
"James," she laughed, feeling lightheaded as he licked the hollow spot of her collarbone.
"And this insufferable freckle," he noted. "It's the only one on you."
Lily pulled him up for a kiss, enjoying the blissful numbness of being with him.
"What's changed?"
"What?" he asked, distracted by her lips.
"You said you wouldn't be with me in secret last year," she noted.
"Perspective," he replied. "Not shagging you is unbearable."
Lily's heart sank but James was pressing against her core, ready to enter. He didn't have any emotional investment, just a male appreciation for her body.
By the beginning of December, they'd begun taking their adventures from James's room into their patrols. James surprised her with his thorough knowledge of Hogwarts' nooks and crannies, showing her that the Great Hall was left open at night.
After a bet that Lily'd lost, she soon found herself quite acquainted with the Great Hall, James pounding into her against the Slytherin table. She'd woken the next day with a softly bruised "S" in her back to his amusement. As Mary continued to ignore her and Lily risked being out and about, taking the sneers from Lisa Clearwater and Grant's empty gaze, she found herself getting riskier with James.
"Come on Flitwick's shacking up with the harpy of that new DADA professor," James said, breaking a rather passionate kiss by the charms' professor's office.
"We're not having sex in there," Lily protested, swatting his hands back. "And you ought to stop using that map to spy on the professors."
He rolled his eyes, looking at his watch.
"Patrol's officially over," he chimed. "Flitwick's going to be gone all night; Padfoot's seen this happen before. That shrew's probably wild in b-"
"First of all," Lily interrupted. "Don't speak about Professor Smythe that way. She's an auror for Merlin's sake."
"An American one," James countered. "She's never been in the field before."
"Second," Lily continued. "Why on earth would I indulge one of your rather concerning fantasies."
James smirked at her.
"I think you'll like this one," he replied, using an unlocking spell Lily had never see before as he dragged her into the classroom.
"I didn't like the last one," she protested, recalling his keenness to try shagging on the flat roof outside their rooms. She'd indulged him for all of five minutes before she nearly slipped off and cursed him out.
"Trust me," he replied, locking the door and turning on her. Lily found herself on the charms professor's desk, James's head buried under her skirt as she screamed in pleasure. After thoroughly cleaning the desk, she followed James out of the room, skin flushed with pleasure.
"I'm going to repeat that in our suite later," he growled into her ear, nipping at the soft flesh. But before Lily could answer him she heard voices.
"We're not supposed to be out," she exclaimed in a low voice, looking at James with panic. He seemed calm, rummaging into his cloak pocket. "James I can't get in troub-"
"Lily-my-Lily be quiet I've got this."
He pulled her close, draping a silky fabric over the two of them before pressing both of them into the wall. Lily touched the fabric, watching it move in a light wave around them, blurring her hand as she covered it with one side.
"You have an invisibility cloak," she said, dumbfounded.
"It's been in the family for ages," James answered idly. His hands were beginning to roam from their sport on her shoulders and Lily looked up at him with a frown.
"Do you want us to get caught?" she demanded, trying to move from his curious hands.
"I trust your self-control," he answered.
"I don't," she muttered. Both were silent as Filch and one of the Witch Watchers walked by.
"You shouldn't be in here," Filch sneered to the woman.
"We had a tip that someone saw Orion Black on the grounds," the woman answered.
"He has two sons here," Filch snapped. "These children need to be disciplined not trusted. I can take you to Sirius Black— now he's the worst one; always tormenting my poor Mrs. Norris!"
Lily looked at them with a frown, recalling when she'd seen her cousin enter the school the previous year. As the pair turned the hall, James took the cloak off them, walking with her to their dorm.
"You told Dumbledore that Bellatrix was on grounds last year right?" Lily asked.
"I did," he answered. "But as far as I know he never figured out."
Lily nodded, considering this thoughtfully.
Over the course of the month, she'd manage to rekindle some of her relationship with Michael and Marlene, seeing them at practices. Additionally, she'd been able to get Slughorn to grant her privileges to his private brewing room, working on an illegal potion. Luckily for her veritaserum had similar ingredients to a healing charm she'd claimed she'd wanted to master. After completing the potion, Lily waited for the perfect time to use it.
Serendipitously, when she returned to her suite that night, she found Sirius sprawled over the couch. He looked up at her, a crooked grin on his face.
"Cousin dearest," he drawled. "I haven't been able to properly congratulate you for destroying that whole Lovely Lily thing. Uncle Cygnus is right annoyed that you've pissed off the entire Montague family. But I on the other hand am excited to see what other trouble you'll get up to this year."
He was trying to rile her up but Lily knew better.
"Do you want some tea?"
Sirius rose from his lounging position.
"Tea," he repeated. She nodded, moving to the tea cart by the bookshelves. Lily looked at him with a smile and he shrugged. "Peppermint's fine."
She prepared the tea, bringing two cups over to him. Sirius watched her warily as she placed the two cups down. She turned to remove her cloak and found Sirius raising the cup that had been closer to her. She didn't take the cup.
"Not going to drink the tea?" he asked, eyes on her. She swallowed, shaking her before taking it. She raised it to her mouth, taking a vocal gulp before Sirius proceeded to drink from his teacup.
"You know Regulus found your potions notebook the other day," he noted. "Said there were notes for veritaserum there. It's rather cute you thought to try and trick me. Now tell me who your favorite Black family member is, not including your mother of course."
"Bellatrix," Lily grated, finding herself unable to stop. "Tell me what was the first thing you crucioed?"
"Naricssa's bunny snowflake. It made the most marvelous music as it screamed," Sirius blurted, before frowning. "Did you put veritaserum in both cups."
"Yes," Lily answered with a smile, knowing it was working. "Why try to outsmart a Black?"
"Montague let it slip in the locker room that the two of you never shagged?" he replied. "Are you a virgin?"
"No," she replied evenly. "Have you killed any children?"
"None," he responded. "But countless muggle spawn— I don't count them seeing as they're vermin. Now tell me who you lost your virginity to."
Lily's lip curled.
"James," she blurted, Sirius's eyes going wide.
"I shouldn't be surprised— Merlin knows what I'd do with this suite."
She was silent and he regarded her carefully before laughing.
"Oh but it wasn't just this year," he mused. "Tell me when you lost your virginity."
"Last year," Lily gritted. "During the Easter Holidays. You're truly a monster aren't you?"
Sirius blinked at her, leaning back into the couch.
"My mother always says," he began darkly. "Regulus got my heart and I got his balls. Has McKinnon mentioned me at all?"
"Marlene?" Lily asked in surprise. "Of course not. Why would she bother to think of you? Don't answer that—now tell me how Bellatrix and the other death eaters got inside the castle last year."
Sirius's eyes widened before he laughed.
"Well played cousin dearest," he taunted. "If you must know, The Dark Lord's found this marvelous potions master from Drumstrang who concocted a draught to get around the wards. It's vile stuff— made with doxy and house-elf brains of course."
"But that was a year ago," she protested. "Why haven't the death eaters attacked Hogwarts yet."
"The Dark Lord doesn't want that yet," Sirius said through grated teeth. "He's making us look for something."
"What?"
Sirius looked at her, trying to stop the words.
"Some heirlooms," he finally settled. "Heritage of our kind is of the utmost importance to him— not that you'd understand."
Lily rolled her eyes as the door opened, revealing James. He was covered in mud, looking rather annoyed.
"You couldn't stay and help me clear the Pitch?" he demanded.
"No I'd rather do anything else and the thought of ditching you with Avery was too good to resist," Sirius blurted. James blinked at her and Sirius pointed his hand at him.
"You're clearing the pitch for the next two months," James threatened. "You're a shite co-captain. I shouldn't have demanded Slughorn appoint you."
"Don't act like you're Mr. Perfect Head Boy," Sirius taunted. "Lovely here was just telling me about how you popped her cherry."
James was silent and Lily cringed as Sirius smirked and rose.
"She spiked both of our teacups with veritaserum— have fun with her Prongs. Make sure to obliviate her before she goes and prattles the Dark Lord's plans away to Wood."
Sirius patted her cheek and she shot up to rebuke at him but James's gaze was dark, forcing her to meet his eyes. She heard Sirius slip out.
"James don't obliviate me," she said in a low voice. "I'm telling Dumbledore everything he said."
James looked at her carefully.
"Did you sleep with Montague?"
"No," Lily jabbered. "Not that he didn't want to. He was always trying to when you were in Astronomy. Merlin, why are you still in Astronomy anyways?"
James ignored her question, moving towards her with a predatory look in his eyes.
"Have you been with anyone else?"
"No."
He nodded, hand coming around her face, the next question on his tongue.
"Don't," she interjected. "This isn't fair."
"The way you make me feel isn't fair," James returned. "Why are you shagging me?"
"Why not?" she returned. "You're fit and have the perfect hair and I can't stop thinking about your shoulders all the bloody ti-"
"My shoulders?" James asked with amusement.
"Yes," she returned, flushing.
"Do you want to be wit-"
"Stop," she exclaimed, covering his mouth with her hands. "You don't get to avoid me for months— make me feel so bloody wretched and alone James and then ask that. It doesn't matter what I feel or want because you're not what I need."
He tore her hands off, running a hand through his hair before narrowing his eyes.
"You're wrong," James answered eyes flushed with light. "I'm everything you need."
In the following days, Sirius assumed James obliviated her but he hadn't. His allegiance was with the right side and Lily knew it.
Her and James's relationship continued as was, him dropping all talk of anything beyond sex. But Lily continued to be plagued by what Sirius confessed to her. She didn't know what to do— whether to betray her family or to finally help her friends.
But on a crisp mid-December day, Lily made up her mind when she walked into the Great Hall to see Michael in tears. On the cover was an image of his parents. Bellatrix had finally gotten them. And from the description in the article, she'd tortured them for a long time, drawing it out. Lily was confused by it as Bellatrix knew she'd been the one to stun her.
That evening, Regulus bumped into her and Lily felt the note he left in her pocket, reading the words written in Bellatrix's familiar handwriting over and over.
The Woods were just for fun. Just imagine what I could do to your little mudblood friend. Stay in line or I'll have to pay her a visit again. She sleeps in socks— Bellatrix
With the note was a lock of corn-blonde hair, Mary's exact shade. Lily swallowed bile, knowing that Bellatrix had been in the castle and had gotten into the Gryffindor Tower, feet away from Mary. How else would she have learned that information Lily and her roommates had teased Mary about for years?
So the following morning, Lily found herself in Dumbledore's office, finally knowing what she had to do. Dumbledore's eyes did not lose their twinkling glow as Lily explained everything she'd learned from Sirius two weeks after spiking his tea with veritaserum.
"I've known for a year that they'd been able to," she admitted. "But that's how they've been doing it— I just learned it."
Dumbledore nodded, eyes grave.
"We've known that your cousin and other death eaters have been able to get inside and increased wards this year," he noted. "But if what you're saying is true then there's something quite worse going on here."
"He said Voldemort had them looking for heirlooms," Lily added. Dumbledore's eyes flashed, his face going slack.
"Did he say what objects specifically?"
"No," Lily responded. "Just heirlooms."
Dumbledore nodded again, standing.
"May I ask why you've come forward now?"
"You were right," she replied. "My loyalties were with my family— I protected them but I can't anymore. All of them need to be in Azkaban, Sirius included. Are you going to kick him out?"
"No… Sometimes it's better to keep your enemies close under watch. Besides Mr. Potter can temper your cousin here. If he were out in Voldemort's forces the amount of destruction would be devastating."
"He's torturing students here."
"He's been stopped," Dumbledore answered. "As for your loyalties, I'm rather pleased you've decided to come forth. You may leave now."
Lily blinked at him.
"That's it?" she demanded. "You're not going to invite me to the Order?"
"Miss Everett our members are worri-"
"I don't care," she exclaimed. "I'm going to help. Even if you need to keep a tongue locking charm or obliviate me after every meeting or mission. I will still help."
Dumbledore stared at her, eyes flickering.
"I'll be in touch Miss Everett."
The night before the Holidays, Lily was summoned to Professor McGonagall's office. The stern older woman stood at her desk, Alastor Moody next to her.
"I still think this is a mistake," he grumbled.
"Why was I summoned?" she asked, breathless from running over.
"Despite some of our concerns, Dumbledore's agreed to let you into the Order," McGonagall answered. "Auror Moody is here to help me perform a few spells to ensure that you will never be able to tell anyone of the Order, even under torture."
Lily paled but nodded, sitting down and letting them shoot spell after spell at her, placing binding curses on certain words and tongue typing jinxes. They ended with one final spell, Moody's face grave.
"If you're captured," he said in a low voice. "Recite this spell and it will obliviate all memories of the Order and its members from your mind."
Lily nodded shakily before returning to the Heads Suite. James was gone and she sat in his bed, staring at the full moon.
It was a full moon.
Lily frowned, moving to the window.
She'd figured out that Remus Lupin was a werewolf years ago when they were fifth years and assigned to patrol together. She'd figured it out after his frequent visits to his sick mother. But Lily knew Aurora Lupin was robust, having left her husband Lyall the summer before and run off with her assistant.
But James was not a werewolf; so where was he?
She sat up going downstairs and waiting for him by the couch, dozing off as the hours wiled away. Lily woke to something wet falling on her face and looked up to see James hovering over her, grimacing as he held his abdomen.
"Merlin," she gasped, hand going to his bleeding neck. "What happened?"
"Drunk Quidditch accident," he said smoothly, with a painful expression. Lily narrowed her eyes before realizing that-
"Were you out there with Remus?" she demanded. "How could you do that? You've gotten scratched you're going to turn into a werewolf you prat!"
"It's fine," he gritted, swaying. She shot up to help him onto the couch, pulling his robes off and then shirt. "Quick to get me naked Everett?"
"Shut up," she snapped, staring at his bruised and bleeding body. Tears sprang to her eyes. "I need to get you to Pomfrey- no! Mungos."
"Lily calm down," James groaned. "There's a healing kit in my room. Just get it."
"Are you mad?" she demanded. "Your wounds could be lethal not to mention that if Remus gave them to you, you're going to become a werewolf."
"I won't," James snapped. "Just get the damn kit."
She stared at him and sighed, summoning the kit and bringing it over.
"How good are you at healing magic?"
"Okay," Lily replied, taking out the wound cleaning potion and dabbing it over James's gashes. "I could try?"
He nodded, gritting his teeth against the burn of the potion as Lily raised her wand.
"Blood replenishing potion first," James said. She nodded, handing it to him with a pain relief draught. He downed both, grimacing before taking his wand and beginning to heal his wounds.
"What are you doing?"
"I'd rather get some scars from my poor angle than have you accidentally remove my liver," James replied. "I've seen you attempt to heal a scrape before."
Lily flushed, taking out the dittany and sprinkling it over James's healing wounds. He collapsed into the couch with a groan.
"Let's get you into the shower."
"No," he protested. "I'm fine here."
Lily shook her head, helping him up to the shower and going inside with him. After helping rinse James off, she found herself lying by his side on his bed.
"Aren't you worried about those scratches?"
"No— come to mention it how do you know Moony's furry little secret?"
Lily ran her hand through his hair.
"He leaves every month to see his ailing mother," she answered. "Aurora Lupin used to be friends with my mother before the accident; I know she's been in France for years. Eventually, I'd looked at a calendar and figured it out fifth-year. Now tell me why you're not worried?"
"I'll show you," James supplied. "I'll show you over break."
Lily's holiday break went by quickly, her attending her first Order meeting early on. Her Gryffindor friends had been surprised to see her there but welcomed her with open arms, Mary even forgiving her after a long conversation following a brewing session she'd been assigned to. She dove into Order work, spending her nights brewing potions and days with her mother. James stopped by often, her mother seeming to forget about Grant already and getting newly enamored with James's presence.
James had revealed that he could turn into a stag one night by the beach. Lily gaped at him, realizing that he'd mastered one of the hardest transfiguration theories. He explained that in the animal form he could help Remus without risking turning into a werewolf. After that night, Lily's stone heart ached a little more.
By the end of break, Lily found herself in an Order house, charmed with a fidelity charm, brewing healing potions when members bustled in. The members were ones she didn't recognize, Mary informing her that Dumbledore never had the entire group aware of every single member. They were wounded from a top-secret raid Lily didn't know about. But as she helped Alice Longbottom clean out a delirious man's wounds she'd overheard words about a cave by the sea.
Lily hadn't realized the latter half of this group came in until someone's hand was on her shoulder.
"What are you doing here?"
She looked up into the unfamiliar face before her, wrenching back from his grip.
"Helping," Lily snapped. "Don't touch me."
The man's eyes widened and he cursed, dragging her from the room. Lily tried to break from his iron grip, but he brought his wand to his face and revealed a pair of familiar hazel eyes, unlike the blue ones they'd been previously.
"James is that you?" she asked in shock.
"Don't say my name," he snapped. "My identity has to remain unknown for me to serve as a double agent."
"I didn't know you were in the Order," she said softly.
"You shouldn't be here," he replied. "Dumbledore agreed that you shouldn't be tapp-"
"What did you just say?" she demanded.
James was silent and Lily broke away from him.
"I asked him to keep you out," he said in a low voice. "Lily this is dangerous— unbelievably so. All of the people here could be killed or end up in Azkaban. They know the risks."
"And so do I," she said firmly.
"Do you?" he questioned. "If a single Death Eater finds out you're involved with the Order no one will be able to protect you."
"I don't care."
"No one will be able to protect your mother," James said softly. "They'd kill her or Petunia!"
"Petunia's married to Rabastian and my mother's a Black; she's safe."
"No one is safe. If you're not with them then you're against them. You need to leave; forget everything you've learned about the Order."
"I'm not backing away from this war," Lily returned. "I've been silent for too long."
"Dammit Lily," James shouted, punching the wall next to her. "You're going to get yourself killed!"
"I'd rather die fighting for what's right than continuing to stand on the sidelines."
James's eyes narrowed at her and he shook his head.
"Do you know what they'll do to you?" he asked in a low voice, arms coming to either side of Lily's head, boxing her into the wall. "They'd torture you of course. Probably for weeks if not months. And I'm sure Bellatrix would oversee that, punishment for getting her thrown in Azkaban."
Before Lily could ask how he knew that, James brought his hand to her hip, squeezing it tightly.
"But you're a pureblood woman," he continued. "Too valuable to kill. So they'd obliviate you over and over-"
"James," she rasped. He wasn't done.
"Until you didn't remember who you are. Until your entire personality was gone. And then they'd dump you at the highest bidder's lap to be a glorified breeding machine."
"That's enough!" she snapped. "I understand the risks but I'm not backing down. You can't scare me from this war."
James's eyes flashed but he pulled back, running a hand through his hair with a frustrated look in his eyes.
"I can't watch you die, Lily. Go home."
She went to him, hand coming to James's face to bring it down to meet her gaze.
"I'm not going to die. I'd just be an oven for the next generation of purebloods," she said with a sad laugh.
"That would be worse than you dying."
Returning to school, Lily found herself welcomed back into the company of the Gryffindors. She'd eagerly taken it, enjoying being back with her friends during the day and spending her nights with James.
Lily woke one stormy January night, feeling so cold to find that the windows to James's room had broken open. The bed was empty next to her and she frowned, tugging his robe off the floor to go over and shut it.
As she locked it, she frowned at James's side of the bed, sitting up. As dawn was stretching over the dusky horizon, he appeared, covered in dust and dirt.
"Where have you been?" she demanded. He jumped in surprise, seeing her and frowning.
"Why are you awake?"
"One of us is covered in dirt and grime and— oh is that blood?" she asked, grimacing at the stains on his face and neck.
"I was on an Order mission."
"During the school year?"
"They don't stop for school Lily-my-Lily. I get called for assignments at night," he replied, eyes twinkling as she continued to inspect him for wounds. "Never took you for a mother hen."
"I've never seen you leave before," she noted. James snorted and Lily's eyes narrowed at him as he laughed.
"You sleep like the dead," he answered. "The castle could fall around you and you'd keep sleeping. You also snore."
Lily flushed, crossing her arms.
"I do not," she snapped.
"You do," he replied. "But I find it endearing."
She scoffed, moving towards the door but James's arms came around her waist, stopping her.
"Where are you going?" he asked, kissing her neck from behind. "I thought you were going to play healer."
"You know I'm awful at healing," she returned, laughing as he tugged at the robe around her.
"I know the perfect way you could heal me."
He lifted her, carrying her towards the bathroom.
January continued on, Lily helping friends proofread their applications for jobs and running dueling club. She knew her birthday was nearing, dreading the day signaling a closing in on her school years. James teased her relentlessly, looking forward to the two months between their birthdays that he could claim he was with an older woman.
Things between her and James were growing more intense. On her birthday, Lily woke to a kitten laying on the pillow next to her.
"You didn't," she said, rising to pet the cat. It stared at her and she smiled, hearing James chuckle from next to her.
"You said you wanted a pet," he replied, kissing her shoulder. "Happy Birthday Lily-my-Lily."
Her smile spread wider, Lily bringing the cat into her arms. She named it Charlemagne, recalling one of the old wizarding kings they'd studied in History of Magic. She left the cat in James's room with food and water before proceeding with her day. It went by quickly, with the seventh years having a Charms test that afternoon. Afterward, Lily went to practice, Michael drilling them for their game against Slytherin the next morning. Following a small celebration with her friends, she returned to the Heads Suite, finding James asleep on the couch with Charlemagne laying on his abdomen.
James's eyes opened, resting lazily on her form as he looked up at her.
"You two look cozy," she noted.
"Don't wake him," he answered in a stage whisper. Lily giggled, James giving her a pointed look. His eyes went to her flushed cheeks and he smirked.
"Are you drunk?" he asked in amusement.
Lily rolled her eyes, kneeling by his side to pet the kitten.
"No," she answered, James wrinkling his nose.
"Your breath smells like firewhiskey," James remarked. Lily swatted his arm and he chuckled. He carefully removed Charlemagne from his lap, sitting with her between his legs. She was lower than him, kneeling on the ground and James held her face with one hand.
"What?" Lily breathed. James caught her eyes and smiled.
"You're all I've wanted for so long," he murmured.
"Don't say that."
"It's true."
"If it were true then you wouldn't want to stay in the shadows about us," she replied. James's brows knitted together and Lily shook her head. "I'm in the Order James, I'm in danger regardless of whether or not we're public."
"Lily," he said warningly.
"Just tell me the damn truth," she begged. "Because I'm going mad James. I can't keep torturing myself with you so close."
He looked at her before nodding.
"I want you to be able to survive this war… regardless of which side wins."
"What?"
James nodded, meeting her gaze intensely.
"Things are going to get worse— the dementors have allied with the Death Eaters," he said in a low voice. "Crouch is campaigning for aurors to be given privileges to use unforgivables."
Lily was silent and he nodded.
"If we're together and I get caught they'll question your allegiance."
"I don't care," Lily insisted.
"But I wouldn't be able to live with that."
"I've picked my side James and it's not changing. I want to be there with you by my side."
"Let's not have this argument on your birthday," James asked. "I'd rather do something much different."
"I'm not in the mood," Lily replied. "In fact, I probably won't be in the mood until you've decided to stop being such a coward."
She rose from between his legs, taking Charlemagne and going up to her bedroom, shutting the door on James.
The next morning, she rose, changing into her Quidditch gear before heading to the Pitch. Snow fell in giant flurries, wind licking at Lily's cheeks. She warmed up with the other Gryffindors, seeing the Slytherins appear at the bottom of the pitch. She saw James's figure, a determined expression on his face.
The match went smoothly at first. The snow ended, giving her a perfect scope to hunt for the snitch. However, soon the grew stronger, forming tears in her eyes and strong enough to nearly knock Lily from the broom. She could barely see crouched low to the broom, trying to sustain balance. She heard the announcer exclaim that Regulus had seen the Snitch and barreled into his direction, not seeing a bludger flying at her. Lily careered to her right, slamming into the Hufflepuff Stands. Her grip on her broom loosened and she scrambled to reach for it as her body painfully slid down the icy stands.
She could hear shouting and yelling over the window but was consumed by fear as the ground came closer, her broom tumbling to the side. She saw someone shoot a spell at the ground as she fell to it, landing with a thump on the spell-cushioned grass. Lily groaned, hearing more shouts. Someone landed near her, cursing.
She could hear them shouting her name, wrenching her eyes open to see James hovering over her.
"Lily," he said, over and over.
"I'm fine," she rasped.
"You just fell into the stands and to the ground," James protested, forcing her down as she tried to sit up. "You hit your head."
"I'm fine James," she replied.
"Pomfrey's coming," he insisted, holding her hand. She could hear other players landing and the sound of footsteps.
"People will see us."
"I don't care."
She stared at him, knowing that the rest of the school was watching. As Madame Pomfrey came to help her onto a stretcher, James stayed by her side. To the outsider it could look like the Head Boy was just concerned for his co-Head, simply a friendship.
"Get away from her Potter," Michael snarled.
"Bugger off Wood," James replied, eyes never leaving hers.
"Mr. Potter I need to take her to the hospital wing," Madame Pomfrey said.
"I'm coming," he answered, squeezing her hand.
"What about the match?" Riley Selwyn asked nearby.
"Fuck the match," James replied, never looking away from her. Lily gaped at him as he leaned down and kissed her in front of the entire school. He broke the soft kiss, eyes burning on her form. Lily could hear gasps and shouts from behind them but her gaze never moved from James's eyes.
After a weekend in the Hospital Wing, James spending every waking minute by her side, she returned to the heads suite on Monday morning to change into her uniform.
"Ready for class?"
James was carrying both of their bags, an apple extended in her direction as she blinked at him.
"What are you doing?" she asked, taking it from him. "I can carry my own bag. Pomfrey cleared any risk for a concussion."
"I'd rather not take any chances," he replied.
"People will talk."
"Let them," James matched. "When you fell off your broom, I realized that sneaking around isn't worth it. I want to shout down the bloody halls that you're mine. So let me."
She met his eyes, seeing the intensity in them and hesitated.
"Please, Lily. I'm done with the shadows."
At last, she nodded, taking his hand with her free one and walking from the head suite alongside James.
Over the next month, the school slowly adjusted to the sight of them together and Lily slowly adjusted to James's outlandish attention. From singing cupids following her around to him carrying her bag between classes, it was all overwhelming her. But from the goofy smile on his face whenever he saw her, she couldn't find it in herself to berate him.
Most surprisingly, had been her family's reaction. Lily received a letter from her sister, noting that she'd finally done something correctly. Even her aunts had written with brief notes of praise for snagging one of the richest purebloods in England. Lily burned the letters.
She'd found herself sitting in the greenhouses one cold March morning, trying to coax a whomping willow sapling into taking root for their latest assignment. But the sapling resisted, snapping its small stem at her fiercely.
"You need to water the soil before planting it."
She turned to see Grant standing in the doorway of the greenhouse, surveying her. Lily stiffened as he moved to her, stopping at the table.
"They like a wet climate."
She soaked the soil, bringing the sapling to it which it docilely took to.
"How do you know that?"
"Montague House's grounds are surrounded by whomping willows," he answered. "Keeps intruders out."
Lily nodded, looking at the pot.
"Was it Potter?"
"Excuse me?" she asked, looking at him with a frown. Grant exhaled, his expression going rigid.
"Did you cheat on me with him?" he demanded. Lily stared at him in shock and began to stutter out a response but he shook his head, smiling with a pained expression. "I should have known."
"Grant I-"
"He's a monster," he interrupted. "He killed Jane Eriks our third year— he's been a murderer since then."
Lily recalled the pureblood girl having died mysteriously over the winter holidays. But Grant wasn't done.
"Potter's not normal," he continued. "He's practically sociopathic. You deserve better."
"He's changed," she replied. Grant snorted, leaning forward over the table.
"Don't believe everything he says," he warned. "He hates muggles, more than anybody I know. Our fathers were friends and Fleamont Potter was the biggest purist I'd ever met. Seeing his father killed by a muggle must have fucked James up so much."
"James is not his father."
" Stop defending him," Grant snapped. "He was there two weeks ago when they tried to initiate me."
Lily gaped at him, shaking her head. James was just spying for the Order. He wasn't doing anything more.
"He laughed," Grant continued. "When Goyle crucioed a muggleborn— when they crucioed me for refusing to join."
She began to shake and Grant nodded, raising his hands in surrender.
"I'm telling you this because you deserve better Lily."
"Get out."
Lily put that encounter out of her mind, studying for upcoming mid-term exams and preparing for their impending NEWTS. Around her, her friends began to receive interview notifications for jobs, scheduled for Spring Break. The day the auror academy sent out interview updates, tensions were high at the Gryffindor table.
Two letters fell from the sky, landing on Michael and Lily's plates. Marlene laughed, reaching for Lily's.
"It must be a mistake," she said. "This one must be for me— you didn't even apply Lily."
Lily was silent as Marlene and Michael opened the letters, Marlene's face going ashen.
"It's addressed to you," she said. "How is it addressed to you?"
"I applied," Lily finally admitted. "The day of the deadline."
As she spoke, a letter fell in front of Marlene's plate and she ripped it open, face collapsing.
"I got rejected," she whispered. She looked back at Lily's letter, eyes narrowing. "And of course Lovely Lily got an interview."
Marlene stormed off, Lily gaping at her and Mary silent.
"Why did you even apply?" Benjy asked. But Lily was looking at Michael. He nodded.
"I got one."
"I don't know," she admitted. "Professor Lane wrote and recommended I apply so I-"
"But you accepted a spot with the Experimental Charms committee," Mary protested. Lily was silent and Mary shook her head.
"You realize that Benjy and I won't be able to get jobs and meanwhile you're turning jobs down and getting interviews for positions you don't even care about," Mary snapped.
"Mary," Lily started but her friend shook her head.
"I'm going to go check on Marlene."
She looked at Michael and Benjy but Michael's eyes were already on hers, warmth in his expression.
"You deserve this," he said. "Your dueling's improved tremendously and you're one of the smartest students in our year."
Lily nodded but found herself unable to believe his reassuring words.
The night before they all left for Spring break, Lily was straddling James as he sat up in his bed. His expression was of bemusement as she counted down the seconds to midnight.
"Ten," she started, kissing him. "Nine."
She kissed him again, James chuckled as she continued, finally reaching one and pulling him in for a deep kiss.
"Happy Birthday James," Lily declared smiling at her boyfriend. He met her lips against, arms wrapping around her back to pull her snug to his body.
"I love you Lily-my-Lily," James declared.
"I love you too," she murmured, staring adoringly into his eyes. He chuckled against her lips and she broke the kiss with a quizzical expression.
"Never thought we'd be here."
Lily's expression didn't change and he brushed the hair from her face.
"I can't live without you," James said. "Merlin, Lily you're my entire world."
"James," she said, flushing. But he shook his head.
"Get off me," James suddenly said, a wild look in his eyes. She gaped at him as he lifted her from him, pulling both to stand. Lily scrambled to bring the sheet over her body as James pulled a box from his bedside table.
Her eyes went wide as he went down to his knee, bathed in the soft moonlight of March. James opened the box, revealing a ring.
"Marry me, Lily."
Lily gaped at him, hands coming to her chest.
"James," she exclaimed. "You can't be serious."
"I've never been more serious," he replied. Her head spun and Lily began to giggle at the situation.
"You're naked," she said between giggles. "You're in your starkers and proposing to me."
James huffed, tugging the sheet from her body as Lily continued to laugh.
"Now you're naked too," he declared. "Marry me, Lily."
"You don't want this," she insisted.
"I've wanted you since we were kids and I will never stop."
"James," she protested. "This is ridiculous."
"I've carried this ring with me since that night in the library at Somerset House," James interjected. "I asked my mother for it that night because I knew then Lily that I wouldn't be able to stop until it was on your finger. And I'll keep carrying it until it is."
"We're eighteen."
"I don't need decades to know that I want all of you."
"James please."
"Marry me, Lily," he said again. "Marry me Lily Marie Everett. I love you and I will never stop."
She stared at him, waiting for anxiety or nerves to take her whole. But they never came. Instead, she was perfectly calm, her body and mind knowing that this moment was what she and James had spent the past two years building to.
"Yes," Lily whispered. "Yes, I'll marry you."
He grinned widely, standing to kiss her but she laughed again, James breaking the kiss with a frown.
"We're never going to be able to tell anyone how you proposed," she explained, James joining her with a deep laugh.
R&R-Rin