The Easter Holidays of her seventh year at Hogwarts came around, Lily and James having a dinner with both of their mothers to announce the engagement. While Euphemia was immediately joyful, shouting with it, her mother had been pensive and quiet, Lily deciding that Marie wasn't mentally present for the announcement.
They'd decided to keep it private until graduation, not wanting the pressure most pureblood families and eyes kept on young engaged couples to get married as soon as possible. But Lily did tell her sister, feeling that she owed Petunia that. She took the ring from her finger, wearing it on a chain around her neck instead.
When she was not with James, Lily spent her time preparing for her interview at the auror academy with Michael. They'd conditioned each other for days, and headed to the Ministry together on interview day.
"I have to get this," Michael said determinedly. "For my parents, I have to get this."
Lily nodded at him, squeezing his hand.
"And you will."
As they entered the Ministry, early in the morning on Friday, Lily could feel eyes on her. Michael had gone to grab a copy of the Prophet and she flushed, feeling the faze of a prominent politician.
"What is this?"
She turned to see Michael holding the Prophet out to her. Below the cover story was an image of James, under it an image of her.
Sleekeazy Fortune Heir James Potter Engaged to Deceased, Renowned Magi-zoologist Quenton Everett's Daughter
"They couldn't think of a better way to describe me?" she mused aloud. Michael let out a strangled sound.
"Is it true?"
"Yes," Lily answered, Michael's expression turning sour. "Piss off. I love James."
"You love this charade," Michael scoffed. "Potter's not actually the prince charming you've made him out to be."
Feeling unsure during the interview, Lily returned to school soon after. Work amped up with NEWTS approaching and Dumbledore getting her clearance to continue using Slughorn's private brewing chambers. She created healing draughts for the Order, helping out where she could.
People reacted to the news of her engagement with shock, watching her and James in those initial days. He'd told her to ignore them but Lily couldn't. She'd locked eyes with Grant once, seeing the sorrow in his. Meanwhile, Mary and Marlene resumed speaking to her, saying that they were in a war and losing too many people to be fighting.
Soon April turned into May, Lily staring at herself in the mirror in early May. She'd been in a hurry to get to a dueling club meeting but was struggling to get a shirt over her chest.
"I already let the chest out," she huffed, wriggling the buttons on. But the buttons popped off, Lily giving up with a tired sigh. She looked at her reflection, frowning at the weight that'd gathered on her breasts. James had noticed the weight as well, taking to it with joy. But Lily felt an ache in her breasts.
She'd been eating more and could see some weight gathered on her hips too. Lately, she'd been crazing chocolates and treacle tarts like nothing else. Lily frowned, going to her dresser to look for a larger bra. She froze, picking up a discarded box of sanitary napkins on the ground that had fallen to the side of the dresser, collecting dust.
Lily hadn't needed the box in a long time. She stood up, counting on her fingers.
"When was the last ti-"
Her last period had been before James's birthday in mid-March. It had been ten weeks since then.
"Fuck," Lily whispered, recalling that in the moment of the engagement, she'd cast a contraceptive charm without looking down to confirm that it had gone into place. "Fuck."
Bile crawled up her throat and Lily's hand flew to her mouth.
She skipped dueling club, hurrying down the grounds to Hogsmeade. The Witch Watchers let her through when she flashed her badge at them. Lily made her way to the Three Broomsticks, asking Madame Rosmerta to use the floo fireplace.
She apparated to St. Mungos, going to the desk at the front.
"Can I help you?"
"Is Andromeda Bla-Tonks here?" Lily asked, a concerned expression on her face. In the year since she'd last spoken to her cousin, she'd done more digging, learning that Andromeda gave birth to a girl a few years ago. She'd be five now.
"I can check."
"Tell her it's Lily and it's an emergency."
Lily paced the sitting room, looking up when the doors opened, revealing her frazzled appearing cousin.
"What's happened?"
Lily came closer to her.
"I think I'm pregnant," she gasped, feeling tears in her eyes as her cousin's eyes widened. An hour later, Andromeda returned to the patient's room she'd left Lily in. She had a grim expression.
"Your results came in," she said. "Lily you're pregnant. About nine weeks along."
"Can the test be wrong?' she demanded. "It could've been a fluke. I've been stressed with NEWTS."
"It's not false," Andromeda answered softly. "You're definitely pregnant."
Lily's head spun and she brought her face into her hands. She felt Andromeda's hand on her back as Lily's entire world shattered. She was eighteen, on the verge of a career and an entire life. She wasn't meant to be a mother.
"Given the nature of Petunia and Narcissa's difficult pregnancies, I have some recommendations to create the healthiest environment for this child."
Lily looked up shock on her face.
"Petunia's never carried past her second trimester," she answered. "Narcissa's never made it past the first. There's no way this will stay."
"Lily there's thing-"
"No," she answered. "Petunia was in bed for five months waiting and still lost the baby."
"You should avoid stress," Andromeda began, Lily, shaking her head. "Any strenuous activities or high emotional environments."
"I start the auror academy in three months."
Andromeda looked at her with sorrow in her eyes as Lily stood up.
"This is ridiculous," she exclaimed. "I'm eighteen there's no way that test was correct."
"Lily please."
"No," Lily shouted, storming from the room. She found herself in the floo room of St. Mungos but couldn't bring herself to floo back to Hogwarts where James would be waiting. Instead, Lily sat in the room for hours before deciding to floo home to St. Ives. Lucile had been surprised by her appearance, Lily bustling in and freezing at the sight of her mother and Andromeda sitting together in the parlor.
Her mother looked at her and from her expression, Lily knew that she was lucid and knew.
"You told her?" she asked in a hurt voice. Andromeda swallowed, a pained look on her face.
"You came to me as your cousin, not your doctor— you didn't sign any papers and let me run the test informally," she revealed. "And as your cousin, I couldn't let you go off without anybody knowing this."
Lily's face hardened, unable to meet her mother's eyes.
"Get out."
"Lily," Andromeda pleaded. "You needed someone to know."
"Get out."
Andromeda swallowed, nodding, and retreating from the room. Lily found herself alone with her mother.
"You weren't supposed to end up like them," her mother finally said. Lily stared at her and she sighed. "Walburga. Druella. Narcissa. Petunia— all of them have never held a job, have no autonomy from their husbands. Petunia, well she was content with Rabastian but I didn't raise you to be a glorified trophy wife."
Lily gaped at her mother, stuttering out words but her mother shook her head, rising and pointing a finger at her.
"You were supposed to be different— to fight and live dammit," her mother shouted. "Your grandmother was married off at 17; they didn't even let her finish school. Your aunt was forced to marry our cousin. Your sister is killing herself trying and trying to have a baby. And you who I raised to fight back when Sirius pulled your braids and to beat all the boys in Charms school— you were supposed to do something more."
"Mum," Lily cried, feeling tears flow down her face. But her mother was not done.
"First you get engaged to James Potter in your seventh year and then get pregnant before you even graduate," Marie Everett scoffed. "You're living a cookie-cutter life that men set up for us."
"I didn't try for this to happen," Lily protested. "I'm terrified."
"You should be," her mother answered. "Because you are not the exceptional, brilliant woman I thought you would become."
Lily was crying and her mother suddenly swayed, collapsing back into the couch. Lily ran to her, seeing that her mother was unconscious. She called for Lucile, who informed her that one of Marie's medications made her heart weaker.
"We need to get her to St. Mungos," Lucile declared grimly. Lily nodded, helping her floor her mother to St. Mungos. She stayed until the healer informed her that her mother was stable and that they'd begin monitoring monthly to ensure this didn't happen again, but it might be time to decrease the dosage of the medication that allowed her to stay lucid longer. Lily left before her mother could wake, returning to Hogwarts to find James still up waiting for her.
"Where have you been?" he demanded, rising to greet her. "I didn't see your name on the map."
He was the father of her child, Lily thought sadly.
"My mother had a heart episode," she explained. "I went to be with her."
James's expression collapsed into one of concern, but Lily pushed past him, muttering about needing to be alone. She collapsed into her bed and sobbed. By late-May, her classmates were getting job offers, having finished their NEWT exams, The auror academy announced the latest of all the job positions. Lily and Michael heard together, Michael immediately cheerful but Lily putting on a forced smile. She was eleven weeks along, almost past her first trimester, and wouldn't be able to keep the pregnancy secret for long.
James had already started to notice that she was behaving strangely, moody, and breaking into tears easily, once at a prefect meeting even. Michael stared at her, frowning.
"Why aren't you more excited?" "I am," she replied. "But I think I'd rather work with the Experimental Charms committee."
"Bollocks," he replied. "You were so excited for this."
Lily stared at him helplessly and shook her head, feeling the tears come down her face. Michael came to her, moving to hug her but Lily shook her head.
"I'm pregnant," she gasped. "I can't be in the auror academy, Michael."
He froze and Lily continued to sniffle, wiping at her tears.
"It's okay Lily," he said, bringing his arms around her. "You're going to be okay. And this is exciting, right? Potter's probably over the moon."
"I haven't told him," Lily admitted. Seeing Michael's shocked expression Lily scoffed. "My sister and cousins haven't had a successful pregnancy, despite trying for nearly eight combined years. I'm probably barren."
"Don't say that," Michael immediately snapped. "You're going to have a kid Lily, a beautiful light in this miserable world."
"Why are you being so kind?" she asked. "Don't you hate James?"
Michael's eyes flashed as he squeezed her shoulder.
"I'm going to tell you something," he whispered. "But you can't tell anybody."
Lily nodded and he took a breath.
"Abby's pregnant— she's due in late June."
"That's impossible," Lily protested. "Everybody would have noticed— she's so tiny."
"Disillusionment charm," Michael replied. "We're going to France after I graduate and she'll give birth there. She'll come back for school of course but her mother is going to help with the baby."
"That's brilliant," she said, smiling at her friend. "I'm so happy for you."
Michael nodded, grinning.
"You're going to have this baby Lily," he replied. "So our kids can be best mates. You can defer the academy for a year."
And like that she at peace with her pregnancy for the first time since she'd learned about. Lily decided to tell James about the pregnancy that evening, after dinner. She went into the Great Hall with Michael, smiling as they sat with their friends.
"Congratulations are in order," Mary teased when they announced they'd been accepted. Marlene was genuinely happy too, having gotten an offer to work as a Hit Wizard. All seemed well as Lily looked around the Great Hall, seeing the lights and the laughter of the students. There hadn't been an attack reported in weeks and the entire school seemed in a lifted mood as a result. Although Dumbledore was not present at the table, the other professors were having light conversation.
All seemed well.
She finished her exams, had been accepted to the job she was meant to do, and was leaving Hogwarts with the promise of a new family.
Lily was smiling at her friends when she saw it.
Professor Sinistra's eyes went wide as she grabbed her throat. Lily stood, watching as the woman collapsed, falling from her chair. She moved towards the table, but froze, seeing as one by one each of the professors was rendered unconscious within seconds. Lily ran towards them.
"We need Madame Pomfrey," she shouted. "Go get her."
The doors to the Hall were suddenly thrown open, banging off their hinges. Lily looked up, the room engulfed in silence as masked figures strode into the Hall.
"Do not be alarmed children," the one in front said. "We are not going to kill any of you as long as you and your Ministry comply."
"Get out of our school," Peter Weasley, a well-liked Gryffindor in her year said. "You have no place coming after children."
The death eater in front removed her mask, revealing the face of her cousin. Bellatrix had seemingly aged years in the past few months.
"A Weasley dares to speak out against our Lord's orders," she said in a manic tone. "I cannot allow this Avada Kedevra."
Lily watched in horror as the green spell shot for Peter, sending him flying back. Bellatrix laughed but the entire hall stared horrified.
"Cooperate and none of you will have to join this bloodtraitor," she said with a grimace. "Now it's very simple. You'll be escorted back to your dormitories and remain there with guards until we say otherwise."
Lily looked around the Hall, locking eyes with James who was silent, a grim expression on his face. For some reason, none of the death eaters amongst the students moved forward to join their companions.
"Am I clear?" she demanded. "Prefects can help escort their houses back. Go!"
Lily looked at Bellatrix, watching as students began to scramble from the room, prefects leading them out in droves. Bellatrix surveyed the room, victory in her gaze before finally setting gaze on her. Bellatrix's eyes went wide before she cackled.
"Not you cousin dearest. I have plans for you."
Lily watched in horror as Bellatrix came towards her, anger in her eyes. Lily had gotten her sent to Azkaban for months after all. But before Bellatrix could reach her, James was upon her, wand at Bellatrix's throat.
"Don't touch her," he snarled. Bellatrix was silent, turning to regard James through her lidded eyes.
"I don't intend to harm her," she said in a sickly sweet voice. "We're family after all— you'll be my family too soon enough."
"I will not let you near Lily," he hissed. People had stopped to watch the exchange and Bellatrix knew that, raising her hands in seeming surrender, only to grab James's wand from him and throw it to the side before he could move.
"I don't take orders from boys Potter," she spat, taking her own and pointing it at him.
"Don't," Lily exclaimed. "I'll go with you. Just don't hurt him."
Bellatrix nodded and James looked livid.
"I'll be fine," she reassured James. "Bellatrix is family."
Bellatrix grabbed her by the arm, dragging her from the hall. Lily could feel people staring at her, her friends watching in despair. She was taken from the hall, led to an empty classroom, and thrown to the ground.
"What the fuck were you thinking," Bellatrix demanded. "Stunning me and leaving me to the aurors?"
Lily cringed back, hand coming to her waist as Bellatrix drew her wand.
"You were killing children," she answered. "And I didn't want to leave you— I tried to revive you but-"
"I don't believe your excuses," Bellatrix snarled. "There are two options for you: either join the Dark Lord now and serve or I will ensure you never see daylight again."
Bile shot up Lily's throat and she found herself vomiting at Bellatrix's feet. Her cousin made a sound of disgust.
"Are you really that weak?" she demanded. Lily shook her head, wiping her mouth with her hand.
"Bellatrix please," she begged. "I'm pregnant."
Bellatrix's eyes went from tense to a perfect calm.
"How far along?" she demanded, wrenching Lily off the ground.
"Almost twelve weeks," she answered. Bellatrix's hands wrenched her shirt up, touching her abdomen.
"You've been taking classes and going to practice," Bellatrix marveled. "And haven't lost it?"
Lily didn't answer and Bellatrix's face twisted.
"Cissy's pregnant too," she whispered. "5 months."
Lily was silent and Bellatrix pulled up to regard her anew.
"You're carrying James Potter's heir," she noted. "The scion of one of the sacred houses."
Lily bit the wave of revulsion at Bellatrix's reverent tone.
"We'll have to have you sent back to Somerset House immediately," Bellatrix declared. "Or perhaps to Potter Manor."
"James doesn't know," Lily interjected. "I wanted to wait until the first trimester ended."
"Go to your dorm," Bellatrix answered. "Pack your things. By tomorrow morning you'll be back home."
Lily scrambled away from her cousin.
"Don't try anything stupid," Bellatrix warned. "Risk yourself or that child and I'll end your little mudblood pet's life."
Lily nodded shakily, leaving. She made her way to Gryffindor Tower, being allowed inside by the Death Eaters at the door. As Lily entered, she felt arms come around her.
"We thought Lestrange would torture you," Michael said with relief. "How are you still alive?" "I told her," Lily said in a low voice as he led her to their friends. "About the pregnancy."
Around the common room, older students were comforting the sobbing younger ones. Lily helped out, keeping watch in the common room all night. When morning came, they were ordered to be ready and leave at 12. The ground was led into the Great Hall where all the houses were present, Bellatrix sitting in Dumbledore's seat.
"Seeing as your Ministry has not given in to our Lord's demands," Bellatrix drawled. "We've decided to send them a little incentive. Now bring forth the oldest mudblood in let's say— Gryffindor."
Lily looked at Mary and Benjy with horror. No one responded until two death eaters pushed into their table.
"Well, who is it?"
She swallowed, feeling faint.
"We don't have any muggleborn students," Michael said quickly. "They were all sent home."
Bellatrix frowned at this.
"Dante," she called, looking at the Slytherin table where Mulciber sat. "Is this true?"
"No," he replied, swallowing. "They've got two mudbloods in the seventh year— Fenwick and MacDonald."
Lily watched in horror as Bellatrix smiled and Benjy and Mary were dragged from the crowd at the table.
"Now which one of you is older?"
"Stop," Lily interjected, trying to move forward. "Don't touch them."
But a death eater grabbed her, holding her back and Bellatrix rolled her eyes, shooting a silencing spell at her.
"Me," Benjy said suddenly. "I'm older."
He was lying, Lily knew, trying to give Mary more time. Mary tried to protest but she was thrown towards the Gryffindor table as Bellatrix began. Lily screamed in silence, fighting the death eater holding her as Bellatrix sent slicing jinxes into her friend. Bellatrix frowned at her as she proceeded to crucio Benjy.
"Take my cousin away," she ordered, waving her empty hand. "She's ruining all the fun."
Lily was dragged from the entry hall, collapsing outside as the death eater who'd brought her removed the silencing spell.
"She's going to kill him," Lily realized.
"Yes," the man answered, finally removing his mask to reveal the aristocratic face of Lucius Malfoy. "The plan is to send him in pieces to the Ministry hour by hour today and then when she runs out of pieces-"
"She'll use Mary," Lily gasped, promptly vomiting on the stones before the entry hall. She'd managed to convince Lucius she could walk herself back to the heads dorm and went there. Lily rummaged through James's belongings, finding his invisibility cloak before sneaking to the Gryffindor Common Room with her plan.
That night, after the Gryffindors returned, exhausted and shellshocked into silence by the horror of watching one of their own tortured, killed, and ripped into pieces, Lily woke Mary up.
"Lily?" Mary asked groggily.
"We need to leave now," Lily said urgently. "Change and get your cloak."
"Where are we going?"
"I'm getting you out of this castle," Lily hissed, looking towards Marlene's bed and frowning when she saw it was empty. "They're going to torture you next if the Ministry doesn't give into Voldemort's demands."
"Lily we can't leave," Mary said in horror. "They've blocked the floo channels everywhere."
And indeed they had, as well as holding the professors in their rooms without letting them out. Lily swallowed at Mary's tone.
"I'll get you to the Forbidden Forest," she said, Mary changing and grabbing her cloak. She followed Lily outside and Lily placed the cloak over her before sauntering out. At this hour of the night, the Death Eaters at the door to the common room had taken their masks off, nodding off. Both woke up to the sight of her, wands going to Lily's face.
"You can't be out of the tower," Gregory Rowle snapped. Seeing Lily's face in the light of his wand he sighed. Lily thanked the stars that her brother-in-law's best friend had been stationed outside of her common room.
"I need to go to the Head's Suite," she answered, with an urgent tone. "I've left my cat there without feeding him for days."
"Lily," Rowle groaned. "That's not an emergency."
Lily forced tears to her eyes as she sniffed dramatically, Rowle not seeing Mary get behind him and Rosier in the cloak. Before either could speak, Mary stunned both. Lily hurried down the hall with her, almost to the end when she heard the scream.
Mary grabbed her wrist and they turned the corner, encountering the sight of five men standing over a prone body.
"She was trying to get word out from the Owlery," one explained. "Trying to help the aurors find a way inside."
"So you tortured her?"
"No," a different man exclaimed. "The bitch was fighting back— nearly bit my balls off."
Bile filled Lily's mouth as they moved closer, seeing the broken body of Lisa Clearwater. She was barely breathing, fear in her eyes with blood and bruises all over her body.
She clamped her hand over Mary's mouth before she could speak. Lily looked at her firmly.
"She's a pureblood," another groaned in complaint.
"Let's just leave her here for now," we can dispose of the body after I get her blood off me."
"No," another protested. "Let's make sure she's dead when we return. Sectumseptra."
Lily watched in horror as the spell hit Lisa's body, her arching up as blood began to profusely leak out.
The men slinked off and Lily removed the cloak, hurrying to Lisa's side. Lisa's teeth had been broken, her face a bloody mess. She made a distressed sound as Lily knelt by her side.
"Lily we need to help her."
Lily looked at Mary grimly. Lisa grabbed her hand with a bleeding hand and groaned again. Lily swallowed, beginning to try and heal her classmate. A painful sensation tore through her stomach but she kept working. Sadly, she was awful at healing spells and Mary was even worse.
"She's bleeding out," Lily said defeated. Lisa met her eyes, gargling words and Lily felt tears on her face. "Lisa we can't save you."
Lisa nodded, squeezing her and Mary's hands. Mary brought one hand to Lisa's face, smiling at her through her tears.
"You're not alone," she said. "We're going to stay."
Lisa groaned again, the blood spurting from her body still. Lily and Mary waited, holding their classmate until her eyes went glassy and still. Mary closed her eyes and Lily stumbled up.
"Did the spell reflect and hit you?" Mary demanded.
"No," Lily answered.
"You're bleeding— Merlin Lily you're bleeding so much."
Lily looked down at her skirt to see blood flowing down her bare legs. Mary was speaking about how a spell must have hit her and devastation crushed down on Lily.
"I'm fine," she insisted.
"No you're not," Mary answered. "They'll help you— you're a pureblood."
"Mary I'm not injured," she snapped, grabbing her friend's shoulders. "I'm having a miscarriage."
Mary gaped at her, and Lily shook her head.
"We need to get you out of here," she said, looking around for the cloak. "You can get word to the Order— help them get in."
"You need to see Pomfrey."
"I've lost the baby either way," she answered, biting down a sob. Mary looked distressed and Lily shook her head. "We need to leave now."
She tugged the cloak over the two of them. They continued down the floors, Lily feeling more blood come down her legs. She looked behind them and realized she was creating a trail of blood drops behind them.
"Mary you need to leave me," Lily gasped. "I'm bleeding too much."
She explained to her friend how to get to the forest and when she'd know if she cleared the apparition point.
"I'm so sorry Lily."
"I'll walk you down," Lily insisted, removing herself from the cloak. "So that if you break the wards I can create a distraction. Mary disappeared from her sight and Lily walked slowly, knowing that Mary was near her. They reached the ground floor, hiding in the shadows around the corner of the entry hall and Lily froze at the sight before her.
"That's Alex Moody," Mary whispered in her ear. He stood in the entry hall, two death eaters holding him by the arms. Alex Moody was the brother of the head auror, Alastor Moody.
"We found this one trying to get onto the ground," one of the death eaters jeered. "What should we do with him?"
Lily frowned, seeing two men in the shadows. She craned her head to catch a glimpse of their unhooded heads.
"He's a blood traitor with the Order," one snapped. "We should kill him."
"The Dark Lord may want to question him," the other warned. As the group argued, Lily saw a new figure enter the entry hall, her blood-chilling at the sight.
"Arguing over a traitor like Alex Moody is beneath all of us," her fiancè declared, entering the circle. "Moody left the muggle who killed my father to their rat-infested justice system. Avadra Kedevra."
Lily watched in horror as a bolt of vicious green light exploded from James's wand. Mary cursed next to her as Alex Moody fell to the ground.
James wasn't with the Order.
He was still a death eater.
She felt ill.
"Go now," Lily ordered Mary, unable to process the sight before her. "Before they keep the wards back up. I'll distract them."
"I love you," Mary said as Lily stepped into the light. She took her wand out as the men faced her, James's face wrenching with surprise.
"Lily what are you doing out of the Heads Suite?" he asked, moving towards her. as Lily stepped more and more into the light, he froze, eyes narrowing at the sight of the blood on her legs.
"Are you hurt?" James demanded.
"You killed him," Lily said hoarsely, staring at Alex Moody's body. James's hands came to her legs as he cursed.
"Who did this to you?" he demanded. She stared at him blankly as the ward alarms went off and the other death eaters turned. Before they could raise their wands she disarmed them. James wrenched her wand from her grip, restraining her as she began to sob.
"You did this," Lily cried, over and over. She found herself being dragged to the Hospital Wing where James forced Rabastian to exam her. Lily was lying idly on the bed, restraints on her wrists keeping them together.
"She's had a miscarriage. She was almost 12 weeks along."
Lily's eyes wrenched shut. She could hear James curse and the sound of something hitting the wall. She felt arms around her, James lifting her from the bed.
"Did you know?"
She was silent and his grip tightened, tears in his eyes.
"Answer me."
"Take the ring off my hand," Lily responded, voice ice. James looked as though she slapped him, shock turning to anger as he grabbed her hair, forcing her to meet his gaze.
"Answer me."
"I was going to tell you," she said in a broken voice. "Yesterday after dinner."
"Dammit Lily," he cried, releasing her. Lily gazed up at him.
"You never left Voldemort's service," she realized. "You've been lying this whole time."
James's eyes flashed but he nodded.
"Muggles destroyed my family," he answered firmly. "When the Dark Lord requested I serve as a spy on the Order for him I couldn't resist. Dumbledore made it too easy."
"But you've gone on missions."
"And sabotaged them."
Lily's eyes fluttered shut and she found herself forcing the ring off her hand.
"I did it for us," James continued. "So that I could protect you like my father couldn't protect my mother when that muggle attacked her. So that I'd never have to lose you."
"You've already lost me," Lily answered, throwing the ring at his feet. "We're done."
James was silent, reaching for something to her side.
"You're enduring a trauma," he said softly. "We will discuss this later."
"Get away from me," she snarled. "You're a monster. I trusted you. I loved you!" James's expression hardened.
"You love me," he said. "You need me."
"No," Lily sobbed. "You've broken my heart, James. And while I want you with every cell in my body, I can't be with you."
James's expression turned murderous as he brought something to her mouth. She struggled against his tight grip.
"You're not thinking straight," he said again. "We'll talk in the morning."
"You did this," she slurred, darkness pulling at her as James stroked her hair. "You did this to me."
Lily woke to weight on her abdomen. She groaned, looking to her side to Michael sitting by her bedside with his head on her stomach. He rose, blinking at her before his eyes went wide.
"You're awake," he said, scrambling up. "Pomfrey she's awake!"
"What's happened?" Lily asked groggily.
"You've been asleep for two days," Michael explained. "We've pushed them out— sent the Death Eaters running back to the pits of Hell."
"How," Lily gasped, seeing Pomfrey coming over.
"The morning after you and Mary disappeared, she brought hell to the castle. Hagrid was camping out in the forest and the pair managed to rally the creatures in there to defend the castle. Centaurs and those massive spiders and bloody unicorns came through the windows, wreaking havoc. We joined in of course. One of the unicorns speared Bellatrix Lestrange through the stomach."'
Lily gaped at his story but Michael's eyes were lit with passion.
"The Aurors were able to break into the wards," he explained. "They found all of the Witch Watchers dead on the grounds and with the help of the creatures, were able to capture ten death eaters."
"That's brilliant," she said. "But we didn't win."
Michael nodded, expression turning grim.
"They killed Benjy," he said. "They sliced him up— there are not enough whole pieces left." Lily blinked hard, crossing her arms as Pomfrey checked on her.
"Where's James?"
Michael looked at her quizzically.
"He was protecting the Ravenclaws," he said. "Turns out your fiancé isn't such a cad after all."
Lily knew that James had found himself a cover. He'd saved his own skin but their child was dead.
"Ex-fiancè," Lily answered. Michael looked at her, eyes going down to her hand as Lily balled both of her fists.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I lost the baby," she whispered. "And I lost James."
After another day in the Hospital Wing, Lily was discharged right before midnight. Many of the students in the castle had been pulled by their families, following the disaster of the hostage crisis. Only a handful of the underclassmen, with most of the older students still present.
The halls were quiet as Lily made her way to the Heads Suite, wand tight in her grip as she braced herself to face James. She entered, going upstairs to his room where he was asleep, Charlemagne nearby.
Pointing her wand at him, Lily said the binding spell, James waking as taut ropes came around his wrists and shins. He blinked, eyes narrowing in concentration as he tried to make out her form without his glasses.
"Lily," he said in shock. "You weren't supposed to be discharged until tomorrow morning— Pomfrey kicked me out while you were asleep."
"She let me out early."
James's expression relaxed as Lily handed him his glasses. he forced them on, frowning at the bindings on his wrists.
"Mind undoing these?"
"Yes," Lily answered, standing over him with her wand pointed at him. "We're done. You've lied to me for two years; our entire relationship is based on a lie. I meant what I said."
James wriggled up, anger locked in his jaw as he shook his head.
"You lost our child," he said softly. "Of course you're upset Lily. But we can try ag-"
"I don't want to have a child with you," she spat. "I can't stomach being in the same room as you."
He was silent and she shook her head, blinking hard.
"You've killed and killed," Lily continued. "I won't have the blood of your victims on my hands— on my life!"
"You're overreacting. I am prot-"
"Shut up," Lily snapped. "You're not protecting anybody except for Voldemort. You've hurt me, more than anyone's hurt me before."
"I won't let you do this," he said, shaking his head. "I won't let you leave."
"You don't control me,' she replied. "This isn't some traditional pureblood betrothal. My parents wanted better for me; we never signed any contracts. It's over."
"Don't do this."
Lily smiled sadly, feeling the tears slip down her face.
"I'm going to graduate in a few days and then start the auror academy," she said. "I'm going to fight so that Voldemort is captured one day- so that there's peace in this world for everybody. And you're going to be along; murdering and plotting until there's not an ounce of humanity left in you, James."
"If you leave I'll out every single member of the Order I know," he threatened. "I'll tell the Dark Lord everything."
"No you won't," Lily replied. "You're not going to have the chance."
With her hand shaking, Lily brought her wand to Jame's face.
"Don-"
"Obliviate," Lily declared, watching as his expression went waxy. She tore through his memories, stripping every single instance of interaction with the Order from them. She took every face, every safe house, and every mission from his mind until James was left with nothing. He collapsed into the bed with a groan and Lily swallowed, filling his mind with a fake memory of their breakup, revolving around the loss of their child.
"Nocturno," Lily said, hitting James with a sleeping charm.
She wasn't safe.
He'd never let her go and neither would the Black family.
Her mind wasn't safe. Inevitably, one day James would find her and take her back. He'd let Bellatrix or Voldemort rummage through her mind, just to get her back. And with her days on the battlefield coming closer and closer, Lily knew what she had to do.
Bringing her wand to her head, Lily swallowed, hot tears falling down her cheeks as she left the room, going to her own and drafting a letter to Dumbledore, explaining that she couldn't be trusted with any secrets of the Order. He'd inform the other members, including her friends and that would be that.
After summoning an elf to give it to him, Lily turned to the window, staring out at the expanse of the raw Scottish mountains. She took and deep breath and recited the spell Alastor Moody made her memorize if she were ever captured, stripping all memories of the Order from her mind.
Her graduation day was a bittersweet one. Lily had moved out of the heads dorm, following that night, returning to live with Marlene and Mary in Gryffindor Tower. She stayed with her friends constantly, avoiding James and any of Slytherin. After a final night with Marlene, Mary, and Michael in the common room, their belongings were taken to the train and they changed into their formal graduation robes.
Lily stared at her reflection, with the formal witch's hat on her head she was unable to recognize the woman in front of her.
"Ready Lily?"
Lily blinked, turning to Marlene and nodding. She took her friend's hand, leaving Gryffindor Tower one last time. They found Michael in the hall, speaking with McGonagall and walked out to the lakefront where all the seventh years and remaining students gathered. a series of chairs were stacked, by no house distinction. Lily sat with Marlene and Michael, Michael taking Benjy's wand out and leaving it on the seat next to him.
Around her, the other seventh years filled in the seats. The day was beautiful, a light breeze hitting Lily's face as she looked to the front where the professors sat. Dumbledore stood at the podium, an expressionless expression on his face.
"This year has been nothing short of normal," he started. "Instead of standing here and speaking to you all— a group bonded by war and by loss— I have invited one of you to speak instead. Miss MacDonald, please join us."
Mary appeared from the side of the podium, a determined expression on her face as she nodded at Dumbledore and faced all of them.
"Today we were supposed to embark on a marvelous journey from childhood to adulthood," Mary began. "But none of us are children anymore."
As Lily listened to her friend speak, she felt unshed tears come to her eyes, Mary speaking of Benjy, of their lost innocence taken from them.
"Do not forget their names: Glenda Diddle and Benjamin Fenwick. Take them with you when you leave today," Mary declared. "Take them with you into your jobs, your votes, your values, and your friendships. Do not let their deaths be in vain."
Mary ended her speech there, the audience silent as she walked from the stage. After the ceremony ended, Lily found herself embracing Mary.
"That was beautiful," she said. "Benjy would have loved it."
"Thank you," Mary said, looking at Lily with a sad smile. "This world is too fucked up for us to keep fighting."
"Agreed," Lily said, wiping her eyes. "Don't get soft on me Everett," Mary said. "We've got Benjy's funeral tomorrow."
Lily nodded, their other friends coming over to board a boat with them. Her friendship with Mary was resolved and they were finally at peace. Lily would be an auror-in-training in a few days, defending the safety of their world and the muggle one.
As the professors pushed the boats off the shore with a spell, Lily turned, staring back at the castle. She'd been so uncertain of her life over the past two years but now everything was coming into play. There was a war and she had a part to serve.
Knowing this was her mission, Lily began to turn, ready to face her future, only for her eyes to catch James's from across the lake. His gaze was dark, but Lily didn't hold it, wrenching her eyes towards the future.
In the present, Lily woke to someone saying her name.
"Mum," Lily said groggily, sitting up and ignoring the kink in her neck to greet her mother.
"What happened?" her mother asked. "Why are we in Mungos?"
"You had a heart episode," Lily began gently. Her mother stared at her, fear in her eyes.
"I'm going to be fine right?" she demanded. "I have two young daughters— I can't leave them."
Lily swallowed, realizing that her mother didn't recognize her and was reliving the past.
"Yes," she answered. "You're going to be fine."
Her mother nodded, looking at the door as she sat up.
"Where's my husband? He must be worried," she declared.
"He's coming," Lily answered. "He left for a moment."
She blinked hard as her mother nodded, a smile coming to her face as she caught Lily's expression.
"Are you my healer?"
"No," Lily said softly. Her mother stared at her in confusion and Lily sat on the side of her bed. "Mum it's me, Lily."
Her mother shook her head.
"That's impossible," she insisted, eyes darting around the room. "My Lily's only three."
"No," Lily managed. "I'm 21. I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. I used to be an auror. You know this mum. I know you do."
Her mother swallowed, meeting Lily's intense gaze.
"Yes," she breathed. "You're my daughter."
Lily nodded, holding her face as her mother broke into lucidity.
"Are you and Tuney talking?"
Lily froze at the nickname for her sister.
"Yes," she said, lying through her teeth. Her mother chuckled.
"No need to lie to me," she said. "It doesn't matter, you have a lifetime to hate each other to your faces and love each other in private. It's always that way with family."
Lily blinked at her as her mother grasped her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
"And James?" she asked. "Has he proposed."
"We broke up ages ago," Lily answered.
"That doesn't matter. He's carried that ring for years, waiting for you."
Lily shook her head, but her thoughts turned to her earlier realization and she found herself bringing one hand to her stomach. Her mother squeezed her hand, smiling so warmly up at her.
"You need rest," Lily said, beginning to rise. "I should get the healer— but I don't want to leave you alone."
"I'm not," her mother returned, looking to her other side. "Your father's right here."
Lily's smile began to fall but she forced it to stay as she nodded, knowing that her mother was still not lucid.
"Yes," she agreed. "He's always here."
She left the room, going down the hall to get a healer. And when she returned, her mother was dead.
End of Part 2
R&R- Rin