January
By the fourth week of her confinement, Lily had grown used to the empty, immense halls of Potter Manor. The estate had once been ancient but James's mother had done a series of renovations, bringing light and modern utilities to the massive home. However, the house reminded her of all the things she hated in pureblood life: the ornate displays of wealth.
Unlike other pureblood estates, the current Potter Manor lacked the gothic dungeons and blocked lighting. Instead, it resembled southern french country houses, heralding to the ancestors that gave James his bronzed skin. She'd taken to strolling the halls, reopening the covered gallery where old paintings were piled up.
She was growing defeated.
James hadn't returned in weeks, since leaving her early in the month following her unsuccessful attempt at running away. Maternity healers came twice a week but despite her begging, none would report on the world outside the manor. Even the elves refused her, only interacting with her to have her perform duties for the house. She'd grown accustomed to avoiding them, dreading sessions of switching out decor, and choosing flower arrangements.
The 19th night since she'd last seen James, Lily found herself in her nightgown, going from her bedroom to the library to retrieve a tomb she'd been reading on medieval charms when she saw the lights on in one of the closest rooms to hers. She paused in front, swinging the ajar door open to find two elves inside.
"What are you all doing here?" she asked.
"Master James requested we move his belongings out of his old room," Tippy squeaked, holding up a dusty quidditch trophy. "It's to be the nursery."
Lily paused, blinking at this information. Her hand unconsciously came to her waist, perching on the small bump. She looked around the room, taking in the strewn books, photo-clad walls, and ink-stained desk.
"You're dismissed for tonight," she said, stepping inside. The elves nodded, popping away and leaving Lily in the room. She moved to James's desk, staring at the chipped, burned table— evidence of his underage attempts at magic. Smiling wryly, she stood before it, looking up at the photos on the wall in front.
She could recognize many of the Marauders, as well as his parents. Lily's hand came to one of James at a young age, his father helping him balance on a training broom. She smiled at his messy hair, wondering if their child would have her crimson locks or his messy, inky ones. Working her way from that photo, she began to tug each from the wall, bringing them to a box on the desk. As she made her way through the collage, she found herself staring at an image of her and James.
It was years old, probably taken at some point during their seventh year. Her younger self was staring up at James with adoration as he held her in the photo. He looked so young then, with a twinkle in his eyes that was gone now.
"Remus took that."
Lily jumped in shock, hand coming to her chest as James's arms came around her from behind. She felt his lips at her cheek and turned into him. As she looked at his face, Lily's mouth fell open in surprise.
"You're growing a beard?" she asked, hand coming to his jaw. He grimaced, reaching behind her for that photo.
"Didn't have time to shave," he replied, bringing the photo between them and turning it over. "May our seventh year."
Lily's mouth went dry.
"I was pregnant then," she mumbled. James's eyes flickered and she swallowed. "You left me alone for three weeks."
"I've been on assignment," he replied. Lily stared at him imploring.
"What's happening out there?" she asked. "The storms are getting worse."
"We haven't been able to find a few rebels," he said evenly.
"Who?"
"I can't tell you that."
Words of anger were on her tongue but Lily felt exhaustion tug at her. She was tired of being alone with her thoughts, of trudging through the day in constant fear of losing the child in her.
"Why are the elves packing up your room?"
James looked at her with puzzlement.
"I haven't lived here in years," he said, hands running along her sides. "Besides we need a nursery."
"This room is so far from ours," she answered.
"It's two doors down the hall," he scoffed. Lily's eyes narrowed at him and James held his hands in surrender.
"We can choose a different one," he conceded. "Whatever you want Lily-my-Lily."
She wanted to argue with him, to push at his resolve until he was as angry as she was. But he was covered in flecks of dirt and the shadows beneath his eyes were longer than before, breaking her fury into pity.
Lily's hand came up to his face and she ran her thumb over James's jaw.
"Take me to bed James."
His eyes darkened and he leaned down, lips coming to hers. She felt hers open as numbness fell away from her, the warmth of James's body pressing into her cold skin. He kissed her softly once before deepening it.
"You need to shave," she protested, wrinkling her nose. "And a shower."
He smiled at her wolfishly.
"That can be taken care of," he drawled, pulling her from the room. twenty minutes later, James emerged from the bathroom of their bedroom, towel around his waist. She was sitting on the bed, legs pulled to her chest as she stared at the window.
"How many?"
James froze in front of her.
"How many people did you kill?"
His face flickered with emotion and she moved to kneel on the bed, staring up into his eyes.
"It won't change anything," she insisted. "But I need to know."
He swallowed, bringing his hand to her face, fingers coming behind the locks of hair tucked behind Lily's ear.
"More than I can remember."
Lily swallowed, biting back bile as she leaned up and kissed him. She was so lonely; the emptiness of her isolation eating at her. Her hands came to his towel-clad waist and she tugged it down.
"I don't want to fight," she said, breaking the kiss and pulling him to her. James was hovering over her, holding himself up on his elbows as he flicked his wand at the lights and darkness settled between them.
"I've missed you."
"We need to talk," she continued, feeling James's fingers deftly tug her nightgown down. "In the morning."
But he wasn't paying attention, staring at her naked abdomen. Lily flushed, about to berate him but James's hands came to her waist, heat seeping from them to her.
"James," she said warily. "Promise me we'll talk in the morning."
"I've missed you more than you could know," he murmured before kissing her again. Lily felt herself unravel into his touch, clinging to his shoulders as James's hand came to her core. He slipped one finger between her lips, causing a gasp to escape Lily's lips.
"I'm not letting you sleep tonight," he said, kissing his way to her breasts."The things I've wanted to do to you…"
Lily flushed heavily, biting her lip as James slipped two fingers into her. He chuckled, his other hand coming to her mouth. He ran his thumb over her lips, forcing them open as a moan broke from them.
Suddenly he pulled his fingers from her but before Lily could protest, James entered her. She cried out, arching up into him as he pressed his entire length inside. Lily felt his hand grab hers, pulling them from her chest to restrain them above her body.
"James," she moaned, over and over as he pumped into her. She brought her legs around his hips, bucking into him. "Please."
"Please?" he repeated tauntingly, pulling out of her completely. Lily let out a choked sound as he flipped her over, pulling her onto her knees and entering her from behind. A cry of pleasure tore from her mouth as she fell forward from her elbows. James's hands gripped her hips tightly as he pounded into her, at an unforgiving intensity.
"Don't stop," she begged. He let out a growl of pleasure, increasing his pace as Lily felt pressure beginning to build inside her. As Lily began to beg him, the pressure overwhelmed her. Suddenly he brought his hand to her front, teasing her clit and sending Lily over the edge in minutes.
"James," she cried out, climaxing against him. Pleasure fell over her, shaking her as she collapsed under him. But before she could catch her breath, he turned her over so she was facing him.
"We're not done," he drawled, bringing himself inside of her again. Lily lost her resolve, turning into a moaning mess under him as he continued slowly, feeding each inch into her. When he finally came, Lily felt him collapse into the bed and managed to catch her breath, listening to his pounding heart. He rose to the bathroom, giving her the chance to slip under the covers. When James returned, he moved beside her, fingers trailing over her side.
"I'm so tired," she mumbled, a yawning breaking from her lips.
"The night's just begun," he replied, pulling her to him from the side. Lily let out a whimper as he brought his hand back to her tender core, trailing his fingers over her lips.
"I'm too tired," she whined, feeling overwhelmed by James's more than active sex-drive.
"Don't worry Lily-my-Lily," he teased. "I'll do all the work."
By the time James was done, finally letting Lily relax, the beginnings of dawn stretched from the wide windows into the room.
"We'll talk when I wake up," she insisted, yawning as she settled her head in the crook of James's shoulders. He was silent, one hand stroking her hair.
When Lily woke, the bed was cold and James was gone.
A week later, her birthday rolled around. Lily spent the day in the same solitude that had followed her since James's departure. The closest thing she'd gotten to a birthday greeting was one of the elves reminding her to take her pregnancy vitamin potion.
"I suppose it's just you and me," she murmured to her stomach, watching the sunset from the library. She was officially twelve weeks along, clearing her first trimester. Lily found herself longing for Michael at that moment, thinking of her eighteenth birthday.
Michael was gone.
Benjy was gone.
Mary was gone.
Her parents were gone.
She was alone.
A tear slipped down her cheek as Lily bit her lower lip. She hadn't cried once since being taken to Potter Manor; a deep numbness settling over her. But today was her birthday and she was more alone than she'd ever been before.
That night, she sat in front of the vanity in her and James's closet, brushing her hair and trying not to feel so pathetic.
"Happy birthday Lily."
Lily didn't bother turning, seeing James's reflection in the corner of the mirror. She heard his steps come up behind her. She swallowed as his hands came to her neck and saw him slipping a necklace over her.
Nausea filled her and Lily stumbled up, pulling from his grip and turning to face him.
"Just imperio me."
"Lily?" he asked in confusion, still holding that infernal gold chain.
"I can't consciously do this anymore," she exclaimed, grabbing one of the many jewelry boxes stacked on the vanity and shucking it at him, James gaped at her. "I'd rather be dead than spend my days waiting for you to show up and throw some rock at me so I'll open my legs for you!"
James continued to stare at her as she began to shake, bringing her arms around her chest and biting back a sob.
"Please imperio me," she choked, finally letting a sob out. "James I can't do this."
Her knees shook under her and Lily began to wobble. James moved to her, capturing her in his arms as she cried.
"You left me alone on my birthday," she sniffed, cringing as she vocalized it. She could feel the hormones in her blood, causing her to sit and rage silently all day. But she could also feel the tearing of her heart, splintering every moment he left her trapped and alone.
"I'm so sorry Lily," he murmured, holding her as she cried. She buried her face in his neck letting out another embarrassing sob.
"Please just give me something," she begged, pulling her face up and wiping her eyes. "Anything to get by."
His brows knitted together as he reached behind her, extending a tissue to her. Lily wiped her nose, chucking it into a bin without staring at her reflection, which would surely be an embarrassing shade of red.
"Frank Longbottom is in Azkaban," he said evenly. Lily's mouth fell open. "Alice was pregnant so they couldn't sentence her. She's been held until the baby's born. If it's a boy, they'll execute both and name him the Longbottom heir."
A pained sound escaped Lily's lips as he finished, bringing a hand through his hair.
"You have to help them," she insisted.
"You've all made your beds."
AN: Had to take some time to sort out work... Now that's done I'm hoping to wrap up this story with a few more chapters! I appreciated all of the thoughtful reviews and messages.
R&R