February
"I'm sorry."
Lily looked up from her tea to see James standing in the doorway to the breakfast room. She hadn't spoken to him since the night before, James disappearing after her proclamation. She met his gaze, feeling more vulnerable than she had ever in front of him before.
He strode up to her, moving to his knees in front of her chair and turning her to catch Lily's hand in his.
"I want to make a deal," James continued. His thumb brushed over her wedding ring and Lily brushed a lock of her hair back, watching as James's throat bobbled. "They're reopening Hogwarts and Defense isn't a subject anymore but they need a Charms professor."
Lily's brows knitted together in confusion.
"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked. "Besides, Flitwick is Charms professor."
James's jaw locked.
"He's wanted for refusing to pledge allegiance to the dark lord," James explained. "Look the healers' reports are much more optimistic than your sister and cousins' have ever been before. And they even said some activity could be good for you."
Lily blinked at him, frowning at James's earnest expression.
"You'd let me go back and teach?"
"Every time I come back, I'm scared to return to you."
"Why?" she demanded. He broke his gaze from her, looking down at her waist.
"You're different."
Lily scoffed, pulling her hand from his.
"All of my friends are dead or will be dead," she tersely snapped. "And I'm married to someone who's killed so man-"
"Lily," James warned. She paused, feeling her cheeks flush with rage. "I'm not going to offer something like this again."
"You don't even let me go on the grounds," Lily continued. "Why suddenly offer a whole castle?"
James was silent and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"What changed?"
"The healers' re-"
"What happened?" she interrupted. "James you're hiding something from me I know it."
He was silent, rising to standing in front of her and letting out a sigh.
"Rodolphus was packing Bellatrix's belongings and found something a few days ago," he said. Lily nearly blanched at the mentioning of her dead cousin. She watched with confusion as James's fists tightened and his jaw locked. "She hexed all of you."
"What do you mean?" Lily asked, frowning at him.
James looked coldly angry as his eyes returned to her waist.
"It's all in her journals," he said quietly. "When she couldn't get pregnant for five years, Narcissa was pregnant within months of marrying Malfoy. So she used an abortion hex on her every single time she knew."
Lily's eyes fluttered shut, nausea creeping up her throat.
"Petunia?' she asked hoarsely.
"Every time she was pregnant," James answered solemnly. His jaw locked. "She used one on you."
"No," Lily repeated, shaking her head with confusion. "She didn't know four years ago."
"She did," James corrected. "I read the entire journal, Lily— you told her that day in Hogwarts. You told her and she-"
"She was thrilled," Lily recalled. "For me to carry your heir."
James shook his head.
"It was all an act…"
Lily couldn't hear the rest of his words, a roar of pain pounding down on her mind.
"Your family isn't barren," James said, not seeing the agony on her face. "Your sadist of a cousin killed our child."
"Stop," Lily begged. But James wasn't done, tearing a hand through his hair and laughing.
"We should have had a child years ago," he muttered. "We should have been together always."
She didn't stop him, instead staring blankly at her plate.
"She could have hexed me this time," Lily said numbly. "Why didn't she?"
James was silent.
"James," she insisted.
"I don't know Lily," he answered. "All I know is that the healers don't think you're at risk— they think you're perfectly healthy and that our child is healthy too."
"I need to speak to my sister."
"Yes," he said. "But I can't let you leave."
"You just offered to let me go back to teaching!" Lily countered.
"I said I wanted to make a deal," James clarified. "Take my family crest."
Lily flinched, stumbling back from him. Her mind came to a jagged stop at his words.
"James you can't be serious. No families use that anymore."
"You've left me too many times," he replied. "I'm not taking any risks. Accept my mark and you can teach at Hogwarts and visit your sister. I'll even get you access to McKinnon!"
Her mouth was suddenly dry and Lily kept shaking her head.
Taking a pureblood family crest was the equivalent of wearing a monitoring spell for the rest of her life. James would be able to track where she was, even sending compulsion charms through the mark. It was an ancient and archaic wizarding spell that most pureblood families refused to use, deeming it unchivalrous. The only family Lily knew that stilled used it were the Flints.
"Take the crest Lily," he repeated. "I have to leave for another mission by noon and you'd be stuck here for Merlin knows how long."
"You've been planning this," she scoffed. "Keeping me here for weeks with no company and no news of the world. You've known for days I don't need this for health reasons. James this is—"
"Your only option," he snapped. "I won't compromise Lily. You tried to hide two pregnancies from me and brought our child onto the battlefield. I don't trust you."
She stared at him, looking at the set expression and determination in his gaze. He'd taken so much from her and this last piece of freedom was too far.
But Lily remembered the crippling isolation of the past weeks and her suffering of not knowing how her friends or sister were doing. She could make a difference at Hogwarts, ensuring that the children were looked after.
More importantly, she could find the remaining Order members and try to help them wherever they were.
"I'll give you till 11 to make a decision."
"I'll do it," Lily said, watching as James's eyes widened. She swallowed, reaching for a lock of her hair to tug. "James I'll accept the crest."
He nodded, coughing as he looked at his watch.
"You can take time to think it over," he said. "Lily it's—"
"What does it matter?" she scoffed. "You've taken so much from me already what's my privacy to add to that?"
He flinched but held her gaze.
"Fine. Let's do this now. I can drop you off at Hogwarts before I have to leave."
She followed him to their bedroom, wriggling her pants down and unbuttoning her shirt as James watched her.
"What?" Lily huffed, catching his wide gaze.
"I haven't seen this in daylight in so long," he breathed, hand coming to her protruding waist. "You're beautiful Lily."
"Let's just get this over with," she answered, laying back and staring at the canopy of the bed. As James brought his wand to her hip, Lily felt a tear escape her eye at this final chain trapping her to him.
"The elves will bring your belongings by evening," James said, walking her up the path to the castle. Lily was bundled in a thick green cloak, struggling not to show James how out of breath the uphill walk was making her. "Let's take a break."
"I'm fine," she huffed.
"You're breathing more heavily than Abraxas Malfoy," James replied, trying to stop her. But Lily was too excited to be at Hogwarts, eager to get away from the empty halls of Potter Manor. She could see the castle rising before them, reassuring her that she'd made the right decision to accept the crest.
She couldn't feel its presence, the mark fading moments after the spelling finished. Only James would be able to sense it but she could see a change in his demeanor. His eyes regarded her differently and Lily every so often would catch sight of him moving closer to her, matching her strides.
"Pomfrey's been prepped to oversee your healing visits," he continued. "Twice a week Lily."
"I heard you back at the manor," Lily said, rolling her eyes. She felt James's arm come to her waist, pulling her towards him. She faced him, bending her neck back to meet his gaze. "Yes?"
"You need to be careful," he warned. "Things are different now… The Dark Lord's brought in some of his followers from Drumstrang to teach. There's one greasy bloke you'll need to avo-"
"James," she whined. "You've said all of this before."
He nodded, brushing snow from her hair.
"You're my world Lily," he said. "I'll visit as soon as I'm back."
He walked her to the front gate where Amycus Carrow stood. Lily paled at the sight of one of Bellatrix's old friends.
"Potter," he greeted, opening the gate.
"Carrow," James returned. Amycus looked at her, a sick smile twisting on his face.
"Alecto will be so happy to have another woman teaching now," he drawled. "Such a shame McGonagall and Sprout ran off before we could have our fun."
"Lily's here to teach charms," James reminded. "Nothing else."
"Of course," Amycus replied. He gestured to the castle and Lily looked to James, letting him pull her close. She inhaled his scent, letting instinct take over as she caught his lips between hers.
"Thank you," Lily whispered, breaking the kiss and turning to follow Amycus into the rebuilt castle. Walking the halls, it seemed that the castle had never been sieged. Lily frowned at the pristine conditions.
"Slughorn's the new headmaster," Amycus elaborated. "Oversaw the rebuilding and got everything back in order."
"Are any of the other professors around?"
"Most pledged allegiance," Amycus replied. "A bloke from Drumstrang's come to teach Potions to cover for Slughorn, Alecto is teaching the Dark Arts, and Lupin's due to come and teach Transfiguration."
"What are you teaching?"
"Oh I'm not teaching," Amycus replied with a sick smile. "The Dark Lord's let half bloods pledge allegiance and bloodtraitors too. I'm in charge of discipline."
Lily was silent and he laughed, stopping in front of the door to her old classroom and office.
"I forgot you don't have the heart for my work," he noted. "Well if you ever get bored of Cheering Charms and want to try more advanced work come to my office."
Lily watched him walk away, ignoring the shivers on her arm.
Things were different.
The students arrived the following night to a dismal welcoming feast run by the Carrow twins. Lily sat at the head table, rigid as they demonstrated the cruciatus spell on a dog they'd found on the grounds for the students.
"Could they save the barbarics for after dessert?"
She looked to her left to see a pale, tall man. He had dark black hair and the darkest eyes she'd seen. His eyes were on the Carrows, boredly watching.
"I think this is their dessert," Lily quipped in a low voice. She felt his eyes come over to her face and she smiled softly. Soon the Carrows were done and the feast began. Lily looked at the man to her left again.
"I'm Lily."
His eyes shifted.
"Severus," he replied in a low voice. "Severus Snape."
"Did you go to Hogwarts?" Lily asked curiously, hearing a faint accent to his voice.
"No… I went to Drumstrang," he explained. "Although I was supposed to go here."
Lily bit back a frown at the name of the foreign school, where many dark wizards studied.
"My father briefly considered sending my sister and I to the wizarding school in Athens," she mused aloud. He nodded, glancing around the room.
"What are you teaching?" Lily asked, eager to have a conversation with someone who she wasn't married to.
"Oh Lovely Lily!"
She looked up to see Slughorn standing behind her and Severus, clapping on hand on either of their shoulders.
"Of course I'd find you with Severus," he chortled. "Lily was my star potions student and I'm sure you've heard of Severus, he was the youngest potions master in a generation!'
Lily flushed lightly at Slughorn's declaration.
"I heard congrats are in order too," he continued. "I knew making you and James potions partners from third-year was an excellent decision. I'm a bit of a matchmaker you know and look! Now you're married and have a Potter on the way."
"You're married to James Potter?"
Lily looked at Severus, catching the shocked and disturbed expression on his face.
"Yes," she answered, tucking a curl behind her ear. "We're expecting a baby in July."
Severus's face flashed with disgust but he quickly veiled it, turning to his plate without another word. Lily frowned, looking back to the sullen student body, and sighed.
From her first day of teaching, Lily was shocked to see how drastically class sizes changed. She went from teaching 2 classes of 20 per year to teaching two of 12 students each. There were no muggleborns and many of the students seemed gray.
Hogwarts was different now.
While some students were the elite purebloods, the majority were not. She was shocked to see the blatant discrimination happening in the halls and her classes. As the days went on, Lily adjusted quickly to the work of catching her students up on the material they missed in January.
By February 10th, she'd found her way to Hogsmeade, strolling into the village to purchase a gift and floo to the Everett beach house to visit her sister. As she walked the village streets, Lily felt discomforted by the still rebuilding stores.
She pulled her cloak closer, feeling someone following her, and quickened her pace. Lily whirled around, hearing the crunch of snow behind her, and found her wand pressed into the neck of her ex.
"Lo Lily," he said, looking at her with amusement. "Mind moving your wand?"
"Grant," she said dumbfounded. Last she heard he was working as a cursebreaker in Egypt. In fact, she hadn't heard about him in years. "Grant Montague."
"Lily Everett," he returned before grimacing. "Although I recently heard that you had a little name change."
She removed her wand, watching as he smiled at her.
"What are you doing back here?" she asked.
"They tried to get me to join while we were in school," he replied in a low voice, looking around the empty streets. "I refused so they gave me no option this time. Took my sisters hostage until I returned and accepted the mark."
Lily's mouth dried and he chuckled sourly.
"I'm on assignment at the castle," he continued. "Breaking some curse Dumbledore left on the Headmaster's office."
"That's right," Lily mused. "Slughorn hasn't been able to get in."
Grant nodded, looking at her again. His eyes paused at her waist where her stomach was visible from her open cloak.
"I suppose congrats are in order," he said in a tight voice. "Married and a baby on the way by 23— you've turned into exactly what you hated."
"Goodbye Grant," she snapped, moving to turn. But his hand came to her arm, turning her.
"That was low," he acknowledged. "I'm sorry."
"Right then," Lily answered, pulling herself from his grip. "Stay safe."
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"My sister's pregnant too," Lily admitted. "Getting her a gift and flooing to visit her."
Grant nodded, looking at his watch.
"I have to run but I'll be at the castle for the next month or so," he explained. "I'd like to catch up if you're around."
"I teach Charms now," Lily said, recalling her ex's kindness when they'd been together. "We can eat together— the head table is rather lonely."
"I'd like that," he said, waving goodbye as she walked away.
After a terse visit to Petunia, Lily returned to Hogwarts. With Grant's presence, things brightened for her, the pair often grabbing lunch and dinner together. Soon Valentine's Day rolled around, Lily waking in the middle of the night to a screeching sound and a series of curses.
"Lumos," she said, finding herself staring at the sight of James holding a disgruntled Charlemagne. "James?"
"Happy Valentine's Day Lily-my-Lily," he said, dropping the cat on the ground. "Thought I'd bring Charlemagne to give you some company."
She sighed, turning her spell off and curling back into her pillows. She could hear James pulling his robe and clothes off before he moved under the covers, joining her.
"You woke me," she said, feeling his arms come around her. "And you're cold."
He chuckled against her neck, bringing his legs between hers as Lily yelped.
"Why don't you warm me up?"
"James," she laughed, squirming as he brought his cold hands under her shirt and began tugging the buttons loose.
"Indulge me," he whispered, nipping her ear and bringing his lips to hers to begin.
An hour later, Lily found herself naked and curled into James's warmed body as he stroked her hair, letting her fill him in on her work at Hogwarts.
"Moony's supposed to come on Monday," James said after she finished. "He's teaching Transfiguration."
Lily began to nod off, feeling content despite her persistent worries over her relationship with James.
"I love you," James murmured, kissing her brow. She was silent, feigning sleep as he sighed. "You don't have to say it now."
She didn't.
R&R