May tinkered away in long hours of Order work, teaching, and a growingly exhausting pregnancy. Lily found herself looking forward to the end of the school year, eager to retreat away to days where she could spend sitting rather than teaching on her feet.
Most of the month slipped away from her mind, lost in fears of being caught assisting Grant and Severus with Order work at the castle as James continued to return more and more. She found herself settling into his presence, slumping into a love that she'd fought for years.
He didn't make it hard, smiling goofily at her every time she caught his eye.
He didn't make it easy, staring at her with such intense devotion in the moments when they were alone.
But May went by.
By the end of the month, Lily found herself roped into attending a six month anniversary victory celebration to the Dark Lord's reign. She'd been reluctant to attend, debating on feigning illness to avoid going with James. But upon information McGonagall of the event, her old professor insisted she attended and gather intel for the Order.
An hour into the celebration, Lily was hiding in the woman's loo. She stood in front of a massive window, glowering out at the grounds of Malfoy Manor.
"Hiding?"
She whirled around, seeing the figure of her cousin. While she'd greeted Narcissa before, staring at the adorable face of her nephew, she'd skirted off from a longer conversation with Narcissa feeling discomfort around the girl she'd practically been raised with.
"Vomiting," Lily replied with a shrug. Narcissa nodded.
"I was sick for most of it,' she provided.
Lily shrugged, ducking her head back out of the window to catch some fresh air, smelling Narcissa's heavy perfume. She heard Narcissa sigh and stiffened as a hand came to her shoulder.
"You can't keep avoiding me."
Lily swallowed, bringing her face back inside of the Manor. She fought the urge to flinch at the sight of Narcissa's face.
"You look so much like her."
Narcissa's face paled.
"We all do," she said bitterly. "We're family."
Lily drew in a shuddering breath, letting her cousin shut the window as she leaned back against the counter.
"You and James looked rather cozy."
"Narcissa not now."
Her cousin was silent, the icy beauty that Lily had remembered her to be all her life.
"I hope our sons will be friends."
With that her cousin left, leaving Lily in the silence to remember the dead who'd died despite all that had happened.
"Where were you?"
As she headed back into the hall, James made an immediate beeline for her, bringing his arm around her waist.
"The loo," she replied. "Why do you looked upset?"
"The dark lord requested to see you," he explained. Lily froze in her steps, James attempting to pull her along.
"I'm not swearing allegiance."
His brows knitted as James's jaw tightened.
"He just wants to see you for Merlin's sake," he hissed. "Lily don't be ridiculous."
"I won't," she protested, trying to squirm from his arm. "I'd rather die than speak to him."
But people were watching and Lily gasped as she felt James tug on that invisible string linking them through the crest. She wobbled into him and he tightened his grip.
"Yes you will," he hissed.
"Not willingly," she managed, struggling against his compulsion charms. He was dragging her towards the front of the room and Lily could see that people were watching.
"He requested our presence an hour ago," James whispered. "We're late."
"I don't care."
"Please."
She was silent and he continued walking her forward, finally stopping in front of that ghastly man who stared at her with his serpentine, red eyes before smiling.
"James and Lily Potter," Voldemort greeted, rising from his chair. James dipped into a bow, leaving Lily to stand. She could hear people whispering and Voldemort chuckled.
"I won't ask a woman in your condition to perform such gestures," he said, striding before them. "How do you like your new world?"
"We're infinitely grateful," James said, squeezing Lily's side. "To have a world where our son can be protected from muggles."
"I asked your wife."
She felt their gaze on her and nodded shakily.
"Thank you," Lily managed, feeling James's heavy charms pressing on her. Voldemort looked at her intently and she swallowed. "For making this new world."
His gaze narrowed and Lily felt a presence slinking along her mind. She began to panic before remembering her lessons with Severus and quickly drew herself together, pressing memories of herself with James to the front and letting him into the shallow thoughts. Finally, Voldemort smiled.
"May I?"
She blinked at him in confusion as he brought a spindly hand to her stomach. Lily wanted to vomit.
"That wasn't bad."
She was silent as James continued to remove his robes, shucking them off to the chair in front of her bed at Hogwarts.
"August will just be a small repeat of that," he said. As he continued to speak, Lily shook her head.
"I can't," she whispered. But James couldn't hear her, speaking of plans to possibly relocate to the Potter family beach house when the school year ended.
"I can't," she repeated louder.
"Can't what?"
"I can't pledge myself to him," she said, finally meeting his eyes. Anger flashed in his eyes as he met hers but it was soon replaced by fear. "James I can't."
"Yes you will— we have a child com-"
She was silent as he strode to her, hands coming to her shoulders and lifting her into a stand.
"I can't," she repeated.
"We'll talk about this in the morning."
She couldn't bring herself to nod, merely letting James hold her. Despite her love for him and the baby growing inside of her, Lily knew deep inside that she wouldn't be able to do it. She'd die before pledging herself to Voldemort.
But June rolled around soon enough. By the beginning of the month, Lily was eager for the school year to end, dead on her feet from hours of teaching and carrying her growing son around. In those early days, Hogwarts was a stunning memory of what it had once been; the place where she'd loved and lost so many.
James hadn't brought up her pledging herself to Voldemort again, swamped with a rapid increase in work at the Ministry. From her work with the Order, Lily knew it was due to their growing success of helping muggles escape.
By the first Friday in June, Lily had gone a week without seeing him but was too exhausted to complain as she prepared to leave her classroom and slink off to bed. Before she could, there was a hard knock on her door. She opened it, frowning at the sight of Grant, heaving for air in front of her.
"I need your help," he said grimly.
"What?" she asked, staring at him in shock.
"A group of muggleborns and half bloods were trying to escape," he explained quickly, pulling her along to the hall. "They got off the track— chased by bloody Dementors. Fabian led them here but lost them holding the dementors off. They're in the forbidden forest and injured."
"I can't heal," she protested.
"Snape's on a mission," Grant continued. "You'll need to create portkeys— like you did seventh year."
She felt her head spin but followed him out into the dark of the grounds. They dodged a pair of patrolling death eaters, skirting into the woods. In the late spring night, the entire forest was steeped in moonlight, engulfing patches as they continued on.
They soon reached a grove where a group of twenty or so muggleborns and half bloods were waiting. She could recognize some from her days in school but they were terrified now, looking at her fearfully.
"Merlin," Lily said.
"She's here to help," Grant explained, setting her to work with helping with the basic healing charms before she began to create the portkeys from bits and pieces of wood in the forest.
"Are you nearly done?" Grant demanded. "They send death eaters into these woods every midnight."
"Almost," she replied, wiping sweat from her brow. "Just need to send a final spell at all of them."
As Lily raised her wand, finishing the portkeys, she turned to hand them out only to freeze, dropping all of them.
"Going somewhere?"
Lily swallowed as she stared at James. He had disarmed Grant with silent magic and had his own pressed into Grant's throat. His eyes were cold and unreadable.
"James," she said, moving to raise her wand.
"Imagine my surprise when I found your room empty and saw you in the woods on the map," he said coldly.
"Don-"
"Crucio."
Grant fell to the ground convulsing and many of the people around them began to shout.
"Drop your wand," James ordered her. "Or I'll kill him."
She immediately dropped it and he stopped the cruciatus spell, summoning her wand and pocketing it.
"James pleas-"
"Don't you dare," he spat. "Come over here immediately."
"No," she managed. "Not until you let all of these people and Grant go."
He laughed.
"I don't think you have the power here Lily-my-Lily," he said. Lily looked at the scared crowd and swallowed.
"They don't deserve to die," she pleaded.
"They're traitors," he returned.
"James you're better than this," she continued. "Be the man I love."
His face flushed with emotion but he laughed darkly.
"That won't work. I'm not going to ask again Lily."
She panicked, looking around to find some solution or way out but she couldn't. That is until Lily felt something inside of her give, feeling liquid creep down her legs.
"Oh," she gasped, head going light as she wobbled. She brought her hand to her knee and stared at the red liquid. "Oh."
"Your water broke," Grant managed, staring at her from the ground. She swallowed, shaking. Panicking, Lily grabbed one of the portkeys, activating it with her touch.
"I'll go," she exclaimed. "If you don't let them all go I won't drop this."
"Don't be ridiculous," James snarled. "You're bleeding Lily you need to go to Mungos."
"It's me or them," she said firmly, meeting his gaze.
Before James could respond, a chillness settled over them and Lily looked overhead to see the wards above Hogwarts collapsing. She looked back down and saw Grant clutching his wand which had fallen to the ground from James's pocket.
"What did you do?" James demanded.
"Undid the wards," he laughed. "There are hundreds of dementors out there Potter— if we're dying either way I might as well take you out with me before you can harm my sisters."
"You fucking idiot," James roared, shaking. Lily was unable to hold herself up, collapsing to the ground. She could hear people around her speaking as suddenly arms came around her lifting her.
"Get out," James yelled. She could see the muggleborns and halfbloods running to the portkeys, grabbing them. Lily caught Grant's eye as he joined them, leaving in a pop.
"I can't apparate you," James said in a cry of misery. "You could splinch and die."
"Leave me," she said hoarsely, seeing more blood on her legs. "James I-"
"No," he shouted, pulling her wand out and pressing it into her hand as the coldness sank into them. "You need to do a Patronus charm."
"I can't," she managed. "I haven't been able since-"
"Lily please," he begged. "Just do it!"
She could see the dementors coming as James took his wand out, holding it out.
"Expecto Patronum," he shouted, a brilliant stag bolting out from the tip. She watching as it warded the dementors off and held her wand out, arm shaking.
"Expecto Patronum," she cried. But nothing came out except a fizzling light.
"Come on Lily," he exclaimed. "I can't hold them all off."
"I'm trying," she gasped. He held her tighter, bringing her face into his hand and leaning down to fiercely kiss her.
"Remember us," he ordered. "Before all of this— before I ruined you."
At his words, she was taken back to the first memory she ever had of James, seeing him in Charms school when they were nine and meeting his hazel eyes, thinking they were the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.
"Expecto Patronum!"
A light exploded out of her wand and Lily watched in amazement as a silver doe emerged from the glow. She heard James's breath hitch as the doe cantered into the direction of James's stag, the two brushing their heads together as a brilliant glow emerged from both, warding the dementors from around them.
Lily's eyes were forced shut as the light continued to grow, their patronuses seemingly blending into one.
"We need to run," James ordered, grabbing her. But Lily found herself unable to hold herself up, legs shaking as they gave out under her and James brought her into his arms, taking off in the direction of the castle. She began to see black spots in her vision, clinging to his neck.
"I love you," she gasped, feeling darkness engulf her.
She'd been so eager for her first day of Charms school.
Her cousins Narcissa and Bellatrix spoke about it all the time at family gatherings and Petunia did as well, smiling smugly at her as she remained at home with their mother.
"Stop bouncing!"
She turned to look at her mother who was fixing her hair into two twin braids.
"She's just excited, Marie."
Lily smiled up at her father who leaned down to kiss her cheek. Her mother soon finished the braids and Lily caught her rubbing her eyes.
"They're growing up too quickly," her mother sighed sadly. "Pet's left for school and now Lily's off to Charms school."
Lily's father shot her a look as he comforted her mother.
"Be strong my flower," her mother said, embracing her as she said goodbye. "Don't let any of the boys take charge in class— you're smarter than all of them."
"I know manam," she said, rolling her eyes and detaching herself from her arms. Lily soon found herself apparating alongside her father, landing in front of the building in the heart of Wizarding London.
"Are you sure you want to go?"
She looked up at her father, feeling her excitement fade at his wistful expression.
"I don't have to," Lily squeaked. He looked at her, blinking and chuckling.
"No you do my flower," he replied, leaning down to hug her tightly. "It's your turn to fly."
She soon took off from him, sliding past the teacher at the door greeting all of the new students and staring at the school in wonder, hungry for her first taste of magic. But they made all the students line up in alphabetical order, Lily found herself behind her cousin Sirius, speaking with Marlene McKinnon a girl behind her.
"Oi Lily!" he exclaimed. "Turn around!"
She turned in annoyance, freezing upon meeting a pair of beautiful hazel eyes instead of the familiar Black family grey eyes.
"I'm James," the owner of the eyes said, running a hand through his hair. "James Potter."
Lily stared at him as he grinned at her.
"What's your name?" he asked. Lily found herself about to say it only for a teacher to see him so far up the line and pull him back to the second half of the alphabet.
"Lily," she called after him, watching as his eyes lit up. "Lily."
His smile spread wider and her mouth curled up of its own volition into a toothy smile.
Lily woke to soft light.
She blinked hazily trying to rise only to feel pain in her abdomen. Panic filled her as she registered she was in St. Mungos, looking around the room hectically before settling on James's figure, standing by the window turned from her.
"James," she gasped breathlessly. Her stomach was covered in a bandage and she felt ill thinking that the baby must have been lost again. But as James turned to face her, Lily wasn't blown away by his eyes or the perfect smile on his face. Instead, she found her gravity thrown off as she stared into her own eyes.
"He gave us a scare," James said, walking to her. She stared at the bundle in his arms, mesmerized like a desert finally encountering rain. "But turns out the champ just couldn't wait to meet us."
She felt tears in her eyes as he stopped to her side, lifting the baby into her arms. Lily secured him, staring down at her son.
"I love you."
She could barely hear James, completely overcome by the eyes that met her own.
"He has your hair," Lily finally said, looking up to James from the black thatch of already messy black hair on her son's head. He smiled at her and Lily could see that there'd been tears in his eyes, matching her own.
"He's perfect," James declared, meeting her eyes in devotion. Lily returned her gaze to her son and nodded.
"He's perfect," she repeated, already in love, already knowing what she'd have to do.
Love all the reviews! There's only the epilogue left for this story but I'm thankful for all the people who reached out and left something to say.
R&R