CHAPTER 15 - Differences

The next morning Andre got up with a terrible headache. He was lying in bed until nine and only regained his balance. But he didn't want to waste any more time. He finished his work as quickly as he could, and went to the Jarjayes Manor immediately. In the courtyard he met Jerome, who informed him that mademoiselle had taken her horse an hour earlier and had gone in a direction known only to herself. Andre, without thinking long, made his way towards the cliffs. He drove along the beach they'd gone to together once, but there was no sign of her or her horse anywhere. He was afraid that she had decided to climb the ledge herself, but he didn't find her there either. He returned to the escarpment and rode the other way.

And then he saw her. At full gallop, she crossed the beach on the other side of Porte d'Aval. She had reached the end and, without stopping, rushed back and then again. Andre slowly drove towards her and decided to wait until she noticed him. Indeed, a few minutes later she reached him, flushed and out of breath. She stopped the horse in front of him and looked at him seriously.

- Good morning, Oscar - the man began, trying to sound confident, though it wasn't easy.

„God, how beautiful she is" - he thought feverishly.

- Hello - she replied - What are you doing here?

- I've been looking for you - he replied firmly.

- You found me. What is going on?

- Oscar .. - he began hesitantly - I wanted to.. I wanted to apologize to you.. I shouldn't have left you alone yesterday. Will you forgive me?

She looked at him attentively, her brow furrowed. Weird. This man was just apologizing to her for something he shouldn't have. He was free to do whatever he wanted. And yet he did it, as if.. as if.. She pushed that intrusive thought away.

„Think about Rosalie" - crossed her mind. It worked.

- I have nothing to forgive you - she replied with a sigh and looked to the sea, far beyond the horizon.

- I don't think so - said Andre without a shadow of a doubt.

She looked at him again, and her eyes sparkled with amusement.

- Well then - she said toughly - We're racing to the end of the beach. If you win, I will forgive you.

At first his eyes widened in surprise, but then he smiled and nodded.

They started right away. He rode a horse as if he had been born in the saddle. But she was better, light and agile. At the end of the beach she swept gracefully past him and stopped. He dismounted, feeling resigned.

- As soon as you suggested it, I could have figured out I had no chance - he laughed, then sighed - So I can't expect your forgiveness, can I?

- I already told you - Oscar replied, standing next to him - I have nothing to forgive you, so let's not talk about it anymore.

He looked at her carefully. At her cheeks flushed from the effort, long lashes framing sapphire irises, at the slightly parted lips. He thought how much he would like to press those lips to his and he knew that he was completely lost already.

- Shall we sit down? - he suggested quickly, so as not to lose himself in dangerous thoughts. He took the blanket out from under the saddle and spread it over the stones. They sat down together and were silent for a long moment, staring out at the sea.

- How did you find this beach? - he asked to break the silence - I haven't had time to bring you here yet.

- I'm a soldier, Andre - she said seriously - Damn good soldier. Finding new paths, places of possible ambushes. Combat, sword, guns. Horse riding. Risk. Danger. This is what I can do best. What I find myself in - she paused for a moment, then continued - Parties, dances, dresses. This is all not for me. Yesterday, on that market square, I just felt like a fish taken out of the water. I was choking. I looked at all those lovely girls in their graceful outfits and knew that I would never be like that.

- Oscar.. - he began, but she silenced him with a movement of her hand.

- It doesn't matter, Andre, it really doesn't matter, because I don't even want to be like that - she said quickly - I enjoy my life. My job. I have a freedom that no other woman has. But I lied to you when I said I never thought about what would have happened if my father had made a different decision one day. Soon after I decided to work in the Royal Guards - she began to tell a story - I had a dream. In this dream, I was sitting on the banks of the Seine with someone, with a friend. I didn't see his face, I don't know who he was. We argued. He thought I should consider being a woman.. - she paused.

- What did that dream mean, Oscar? - Andre asked after a moment. He had a vague feeling that it reminded him of something. But he couldn't remember anything.

- I have no idea! - she laughed nervously - But that dream made me think for a while about whether or not I was doing the right thing. But then I made my decision. I couldn't imagine a different future for myself.

- And have you never regretted later? - he asked hopefully.

„I shouldn't have asked her, I shouldn't, it's dangerous" - he thought.

She looked from the sea to his face for a moment. Then she smiled.

- I don't regret anything. If I wasn't who I am, I couldn't sit here talking to you right now, could I? - she replied, going back to staring at the sea.

- Sorry for suggesting that dance party at all - he said after a moment - If I had known..

- Nonsense - she cut in - I hope you had a good time - she added a little bitterly.

- I drank too much - he groaned and lay down on the blanket, putting his hands up to his head - I met my friend, Eugene de Valory, who recently returned from a mission. We sat up late.

"So he wasn't with Rosalie" - flashed through her mind.

- We met once, at Versailles - she said aloud.

- He mentioned it - muttered Andre.

- Were you talking about me? - she was indignant a little.

- Don't worry, Oscar - he corrected quickly - He just knew from people that we came together. He wanted to greet you, but you've already left. He regretted and said that maybe you would like to visit him sometime in the Chateau..

- Thank him on my behalf, Andre - she said firmly - But maybe next time.

- Does that mean.. - he began to speak with hope in his voice - Does it mean that you will come to Etretat again, Oscar?

- My work doesn't give me too many days off, Andre - she replied sadly - But next summer, who knows.. Maybe..

He nodded. Whole year. Like eternity. Or maybe this year will help him forget.. He got up and held out his hand to her.

- Let's go. It's gonna be lunch soon.

She sighed but didn't protest, even allowed to help herself up. They approached the horses standing nearby.

- It's a beautiful animal, Andre - said Oscar, patting the animals head - Does it belong to you?

The man stopped and looked at her seriously.

- Maxime is a horse of your breeding, Oscar. And I'm just a servant here. Despite my hard work, I will probably never be able to buy it back - he said honestly.

Oscar looked at him in surprise. It was the first time that he had spoken so clearly and distinctly about the position he held. And there was a bitterness in his voice that she hadn't noticed before. She was ashamed that she had mentioned it at all. How little she still knew about the world. And about Andre. And she had so little time to find out.

- Andre .. - she said when they reached the manor house and he was going to leave - If you have no obligations for tonight.. maybe you would like.. to come and keep me company..

- Very gladly, Oscar - he replied, surprised - But it wouldn't be appropriate for me to come to your rooms. Especially in the evening.

She looked at him, not understanding at first. Then she realized what he was talking about and a blush appeared on her cheeks.

- But - Andre continued - we could just sit in the garden. We'll talk and drink some wine. What do you think? - he smiled.

- Great idea - she replied happily.

A few hours later they sat down by "their" tree. They talked for a long time about everything that came to their minds. He told her about his parents, about the childhood that was marked by their death. About growing up in Etretat and a friend who helped him repeatedly. About the uncle who took him in and raised him. And about his daily work. She talked about her own difficult childhood, training and scars. About a strict father who was hard to please, and an ever-absent mother. About her soldiers, the queen, the intrigue and glamour of Versailles. Andre thought Oscar had never been so relaxed as she was that night. Peaceful. More beautiful than ever. Oscar wondered how she would be able to cope without talking to him, without his presence. Without looking into those calm emerald eyes.

When it got dark, they decided to come back. Saying goodbye, Andre hold their hands together longer that he should have. They wished each other good night and she returned to her rooms and he drove off to the stewards' house. Both, however, could not sleep for a long time.