DR. CHASE TRIES
If you need help, please contact the following:
National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)
where-do-i-start-0
Song of the Chapter: Good to You by the Avett Brothers
Annabeth hopped on the subway after classes had ended, hoping that Leo and Piper wouldn't keep pressing to hang out after school. She didn't have to lie to them- who cared if she was going to the gym? But part of her felt ashamed.
She got off one stop earlier than usual to walk a little longer to the rec center. Even though it was January, Annabeth loved the cold. She pulled her jacket a little tighter around her and took long, quick strides towards the local rec center. The sky was thick with light gray clouds, reminding her of the fog that perpetually hovered over San Francisco in the mornings. Annabeth missed living in San Francisco- she was there for her eighth grade year, when she decided to try out living with her mom after a particularly bad fight with her dad. Even then, she missed New York City way more than she thought she would.
As she walked, her thoughts wandered back to her conversation with Percy this morning. They hadn't talked in at least a few years- to be honest, she had kind of forgotten. They had been inseparable in sixth and seventh grade after they became friends at summer camp, but ever since she had been back from San Francisco, they had become different people who focused on different things. Eighth grade was the year Percy got really into swimming, when he got a lot faster and began to compete at a more competitive level. She knew he was getting scouted by UC Berkeley and UT Austin and a few more- all top swimming schools. That was the year when Annabeth fell in love with architecture and history. They had fun in middle school, but they were just so different now.
She finally reached the rec center and walked in, briefly scanning the familiar entrance. She smiled at the desk attendant, swiped her member's card and headed straight to the locker room to change into the workout clothes she had stuffed at the bottom of her bag. Annabeth chose her usual locker, quickly took off her jeans, and shoved her boots under the bench, glancing behind her so that no one would have to see her change.
As she slipped her jeans off, she couldn't help but cringe. It didn't feel like she'd lost any weight. She didn't stop her hand from sneaking down to her hip and grabbing the fat that jutted out where it shouldn't.
Annabeth took a deep breath and put on her workout shorts, thankful for the shapelessness they brought her body. One day soon, hopefully she'd be able to wear the spandex shorts like everyone else at the gym. She put on her sports bra and a loose tank top before tossing her hair into a ponytail and taking the stairs two at a time back up to the cycling room. Her class (45 minute HIIT with Ares) didn't begin for another fifteen minutes, so she had some time to run to the weight room and do some abs.
Annabeth dragged her mat to the far corner of the weight area, far from the many meatheads hogging the machines. She pulled out her favorite routine (ten minute abs she found somewhere on the internet) and began to do the moves in quick succession, lying flat on her back with her arms behind her head: double leg lifts, bicycle crunches, static L-holds, and a few more she had long since memorized.
As Annabeth was finishing up the final move (1 minute shoulder plank with hip dips) someone came and invaded her separate area, drawing her out of her focus. "Hey! I didn't know you worked out here."
Annabeth suddenly dropped, resisting the urge to glare at the person who interrupted here. "Hey Jason. How are you?"
Jason was about to start a workout- his sleeveless purple tee wasn't yet dripping with sweat. "I'm alright. Swim practice was cancelled because they had to drain the pool- something about a bunch of freshman in beginner swimming? So Percy and I came here to work out. You live in the area?"
Alarm bells flashed in Annabeth's head. One awkward conversation in a day she could take- but two? She glanced at her watch. Thank God her class started in four minutes.
She jumped up, not caring she stopped fifteen seconds short of her minute of hip dips. "I actually gotta run to a spin class. See you around Jason!" She speedwalked off, just giving Percy a little wave and a very quick hi-bye when he tried to talk to her as he entered the weight area.
Annabeth took a breath of relief when she finally entered the cycling room and found her favorite bike near the back. People were beginning to file in, but the four o'clock class wasn't that popular, especially because it was taught by Ares, an incredibly difficult instructor. Annabeth liked the challenge, though, or at least tried to.
From the glass walls of the cycling studio, she could see Jason and Percy in the weight area, beginning to use a few kettlebells for squats. She let her eyes trace Percy's athletic arms and calves, barely sheened with sweat, before she dragged her eyes back to Ares, now barking at everyone in the class from the front of the room.
Annabeth walked out forty-five minutes later on unsteady legs. Her face was bright red and extremely sweaty. Part of her wanted to stay and use the weights for a few minutes but Jason and Percy were still there. She wiped her face off with her towel and descended the stairs to get back to her locker.
The women's locker room was now crowded- both with people from Annabeth's class and others heading in or out of the gym. Conversation and laughter echoed through the locker room walls, but Annabeth put her head down and walked quickly towards her cubicle. She wanted to change as quickly as she could so that no one (herself included) had to look at her arms or legs.
She couldn't help it, but as she passed the other women, she couldn't help but glance at their bodies, making mental notes of herself in comparison. My arms will never look like that. She grabbed a pair of sweats and hurried to the bathroom to change.
In the safety of her own stall, Annabeth let loose a deep breath and pulled off her sweaty shorts and a sports bra. She was still taking deep breaths from that last all-out interval Ares had them on- which reminded her, she needed to check her calorie count. Glancing at her FitBit, she was pleased to see she had burned 496 calories more than when her class started. Good- it fit her target metric. She needed to burn at least 10 calories for every minute she spent on the bike, and she always aimed for more. HIIT classes with Ares hit the goal every time.
A little pleased with herself, she quickly began thinking of what she would eat for dinner when she got home. The boys had soccer practice, so Helen would be picking them up and wouldn't be home until at least 8. Her dad was a little more sure. Even if he was home, he would likely just suggest they order in something that only he wanted to eat before he would spend the rest of the night reading The New York Times and watching CNN while Annabeth did homework.
Annabeth thought this perfectly normal, in fact, it was what she was used to. Piper and Thalia's family both ran the exact same way- their parents were probably home less than her dad.
As she walked up the stairs, she did remember someone who had something different. Percy- of course. He had the perfect mom. Sally Jackson had family dinner every night. She was a writer. She made blue cookies.
It was one of those moments where a tear struck Annabeth's eyes for no reason, and she had no reason why. Did she miss Sally? Did she miss her mom? Did she wish her mom was like Sally? She took a deep breath and walked up the stairs.
Of course, at the top of the stairs she found Percy and Jason, just having finished their own workout. Both boys had sweat through their athletic shirts and had friendly, good-natured smile on their face. Damn, Annabeth thought, this is one of those moments where I regret being a recluse for the entirety of freshman year because if I had just stayed friends with Percy-
Then maybe Sally Jackson could be some sort of mother to her again. Because Athena was on the other side of the country, and far too busy for her daughter unless she got into Stanford or Yale or Columbia, and Helen wasn't a mother to her at all.
"Hey Annabeth!"
Annabeth charged up the stairs, barely registering Percy, and nearly sprinted out the doors to get as far away from Percy Jackson and memories of Sally as she could. Why couldn't she see Luke on her morning subway ride or at the gym? Why Percy?
It was wistful thinking, but Annabeth decided to stop at Trader Joes to see if they had any free samples. She was exhausted, but she knew just a little food would pick her up. Of course, there were no free samples, and she ended up ogling the bakery instead.
If I could, she thought, I would get a chocolate glazed doughnut, and then a cream filled long john. A pint of peanut butter ice cream and whipped cream.
It took her awhile to get through Trader Joes, as usual. It was only the realization she still had to do her AP US History work (that she should've done earlier, with Piper and Leo) that got her walking the last few blocks home. She checked her FitBit again, but she hadn't burned any significant number of calories since.
When she walked in, Annabeth was expecting to give a quick hello to her dad before making dinner (one whole wheat tortilla with dijon mustard, sliced turkey, and lettuce with carrot sticks), taking it to her room, and taking the rest of the night to do homework, watch some food videos on YouTube, and then go to bed around 12 or 1. What she was not expecting was for her dad to be cooking.
He had the overhead speaker playing R.E.M., a band he loved in high school and something he used to listen to with Annabeth when she was younger. He was humming along with the songs while he danced around the kitchen, tasting whatever was bubbling away on the stove. A kitchen towel was thrown over his shoulder and an apron was tied around his waist. Oh no, thought Annabeth.
"Hey dad," she said warily. "Whatcha up to?"
"Hey honey!" he said brightly, turning around to greet her. "Helen is taking the boys and the rest of their carpool to Noodles, so I thought I would make us some dinner. Haven't done it in a while, you know. How was your day?"
"Fine," Annabeth replied. She dropped her backpack and took off her shoes before heading over to the kitchen. "What're you making?"
"Mac and cheese!" her dad smiled at her widely while Annabeth resisted the urge to take a sharp intake of breath.
"Great, Dad. That sounds great."
He beamed at her. "It's been a while since the two of us had dinner together."
No shit, because you're always working or we're with Helen. "Yeah. It has."
"I just thought it would be fun to make something you used to love when you were a kid."
He was right. Annabeth loved mac and cheese. The last time she had eaten mac and cheese was over six months ago, if you don't count the vegan box mix she had over winter break. "Sounds great."
"You have any homework to do? How are classes going?"
"Uhh, yeah. I have stuff for US history and then something with math, I think."
He beamed. "Ooh. That history class sounds great. You guys on World War I and II yet?"
Annabeth shook her head. "No, the Reconstruction Era."
He nodded. "Very nice. Let me know when you finally get to WWI! I can show you all my information on the planes and battles!" He looked so honest Annabeth's heart beat a little faster.
"I'll be right back- I have to run to my room."
"Okay, honey."
Annabeth grabbed her backpack and speed walked to her room. Why was he being so odd? They never talked about this much besides 'how was your day?' Never. Never. And he hadn't cooked for her since freshman year.
But that wasn't the most pressing problem. How could she eat mac and cheese? Just to remind herself, Annabeth moved her many, many textbooks off of her desk to reveal the laminated index card she had taped to the top of her desk.
RULES:
300 calories per meal
1 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner
At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)
Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!
Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!
Drink at least 64 oz of water every day
Stay Consistent
She stared at her rules for a moment, an odd feeling of shame washed over her. She quickly recovered the rules with her textbooks. No one could ever, ever see the rules.
Ever.
On her way back out, Annabeth took a deep breath and tried to convince herself that eating mac and cheese wouldn't be that bad for one night. Except that it clearly broke at least three rules: 300 calories per meal, limited white flour and dairy, and consistency. But she could get around it- if she had the mac and cheese now, then she would just do a few YouTube workout videos later, and it should be fine. Alright. Okay.
She stepped back out into the kitchen, where her dad was working on the cheese sauce. Annabeth watched a lot of cooking videos, and she could tell that what her dad was making was a béchamel. As he sang along to one of his favorite R.E.M. songs (Daysleeper) Annabeth sat down at the kitchen island and thought about how'd she be staying up a little later than she would like tonight.
The two sat down at the table. Annabeth resisted the urge to stare down at the table and ignore her dad. She had so much stuff to do. Any other night but tonight.
"So, how's school going?"
Annabeth shrugged. "It's fine. Second semester will probably be more difficult, especially with SAT stuff and everything."
Her dad nodded. "You know, I don't really check your grades. But today I looked and I couldn't help but notice that you were first in the class! Why haven't you ever told me?"
Annabeth felt her face going bright red. "Well, I just… I don't know. I don't think it ever really crossed my mind." That was a lie. "Besides- it'll probably change. They keep track of who gets to be valedictorian up until the very last day of school."
"Doesn't sound like no big deal to me. And hey- even if you don't want to make a big deal out of it, I'm proud of you." He took a bite of his mac and cheese, chewing thoughtfully. "That's the kind of thing your mom would like to know."
Annabeth pressed her lips into a thin line. The first mention of her mother in months, and it only concerned her grades. "Yeah, maybe. I'll let her know the next time we talk on the phone."
Her dad nodded, pleased. "You want any seconds?"
Annabeth shook her head reflexively. "Nah, that totally filled me up. You should totally have some more if you want, though."
He leaned back in his chair, stretching out. "I think I'll leave it for tomorrow. That's a great thing to take to school for lunch."
Annabeth nodded enthusiastically. "Great idea." She felt a little sick, probably because of all the dairy. "I have a lot of homework to do."
Her dad waved her off. "Don't worry, I'll get started on the dishes. Gotta keep that 4.0 up-"
"Daaaad."
"Alright, fine, fine. But you can't help me for being proud!" He beamed at her.
Annabeth smiled back, cringing inwardly. Why was he being so weird, all of a sudden? They barely talk most days. Was it just because of her freaking transcript that he decided she was suddenly worth his time and energy?
She retreated to her room, quickly making a checklist of all the things she had to do before she could sleep. YouTube workout, APUSH, calculus. There was probably more she had forgotten.
If you need help, please contact the following:
National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)
where-do-i-start-0