If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Song of the Chapter: Ill With Want by the Avett Brothers

I am sick of wanting and it's evil how it's got me

And every day is worse than the one before

The more I have, the more I think I'm almost where I need to be

If only I could get a little more

The last place Annabeth wanted to be at was dinner with her mother. She could think of a billion other things she would much rather be doing. Going to spin class. Doing homework. She would take one of her dad's home-cooked meals over this bullshit.

Athena, her biological mother, was in New York for a few days on business. She ran a huge architectural firm headquartered in San Francisco, so when she was on the East Coast it was supposed to be a "special" time for the two of them to hang out. Annabeth hated when she came.

She used to be so excited about seeing her mother. Growing up, especially when Bobby and Matthew were born and she realized that her father had created an entirely new family, she lived for these visits. Back then Athena would just take her to a museum or a bookstore or something. They were the highlight of Annabeth's year.

In middle school the arguments with her dad got so bad that she called Athena one day and sobbed over the phone about how much she hated her life in New York. Annabeth couldn't remember a thing that she said to her that day, but it must've been bad, because the next day Athena flew into JFK and told Frederick that according to a technicality in California divorce law, Annabeth was allowed to live with her mother if she wanted.

She finished out seventh grade in the city, like she promised her father, and after a few months at summer camp, she was picked up by her mother's assistant Selene, who drove her to the airport. Annabeth took a flight to San Francisco and tried not to look back. Even then, it had been the worst year of her life.

Athena had a six PM reservation at a gorgeous French bistro in Tribeca. Instead of taking the subway, a sleek black car picked Annabeth up from her apartment and took her there. She didn't recognize the driver, of course.

Annabeth was wearing a simple black sleeveless dress, almost something that a businesswoman would wear to work. It ended just above her knees, and cinched her waist uncomfortably. She hated how it made her body look- it was just a little too tight for her liking- but she knew the restaurant was nice.

She fiddled with her grey owl earrings in the car, hoping that her hair didn't look too ratty. Annabeth was used to the scrutiny of her mother, but she dreaded their meetings. Every. Single. Time.

Finally they pulled up to the restaurant. Annabeth thanked the driver and stepped outside, shivering. She should have brought something other than a cardigan, but no other jacket she owned went with her dress.

The restaurant was nice inside- dim lighting, simple tables with white tablecloths, and waiters dressed in sports jackets and slacks. The upper echelon of New York business people filled the tables. No one drank beer, just wine.

Even though Annabeth arrived a few minutes early, her mother was already sitting down at their table. Even though Athena had about a billion things going on at once, she was never late. Ever. Right now she was typing away on her iPhone while her left hand tapped impatiently on their table. She didn't notice Annabeth until she took her seat across from her at the table, when she turned off her phone and smiled at her daughter.

Athena was not the kind of person to have had a daughter at 22, just after her college graduation. She had met Annabeth's dad when they were both finishing up their final year at Harvard undergrad. Annabeth was born in July, and then a few months later Athena took her baby daughter to get her masters degree in architecture at MIT. Her parents had gotten divorced the year that Frederick had gotten his history PhD at Harvard, and she'd lived with him since. Well, except for eighth grade, the year that Annabeth did her best to forget.

The mother and daughter had the same eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. Athena was tall and skinny, with an angular form and dark black hair that she nearly almost kept tied back in a ponytail. Even when Annabeth was a kid, no one had ever thought that Athena was her mother.

Annabeth sighed as she walked over to the table, reminding herself that it was just for a few hours.

"Annabeth," her mother smiled. "Thanks so much for meeting me."

"Hey mom," Annabeth said, slipping into her seat. Her mother reached across the table to squeeze her hand instead of standing up for a hug. "How are you?"

"Oh you know," Athena said flippantly. "Just here for business. How's school going?"

Annabeth nearly grimaced. They had already arrived on their only topic of conversation: school, which would turn into college, which would turn into her career plans. "It's going pretty well."

Athena raised her eyebrow. "It sounds like it's better than pretty well. Your father called to tell me that you're ranked first in your class." And, Annabeth added to the end of Athena's sentence, and it'll stay that way until you graduate, right?

"Uh, yes. I am."

"How about your other classes? You're taking calculus, right?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yes. The teacher is great, and it's not too difficult yet. I'm looking into taking some architecture classes at some college this summer."

"Oh, that's wonderful. Are you getting ready for senior year?"

And so the conversation continued. It was the same one they had at every dinner, except with slightly updated topics, which is why Annabeth was surprised when Athena asked her about her friends instead of her five-step plan to get into the PhD program of her choice.

"Well, I'm still friends with Thalia, if you remember her. And Piper McLean? I'm not sure if you two met. A kid named Leo Valdez, and uh," she almost blushed, "I've been talking to Percy Jackson, the kid I went to camp with in middle school." Annabeth's heart raced. Why did she say that? Were she and Percy even friends? Did he think they were friends?

"The dark-haired one? I think we met once."

"I think so."

Athena nodded. "That's nice."

Their orders finally arrived. Both of them had gotten salads with dressing on the side. Athena had topped it with grilled chicken. She delicately poured the dressing over her salad before taking a few bites. Annabeth mirrored her, making sure to pour on just a little dressing.

"And how's your father doing?" She didn't mention Helen or Matthew or Bobby.

"He's good. He's on a new kick of cooking dinner every night."

"What does he like to make?"

"Mac and cheese. Chicken parmesan. Stuff like that."

Athena didn't say anything, but she could tell what her mother was thinking: fatty, fatty foods that were terrible for you.

Annabeth wasn't sure what she would prefer: her father's ridiculous meals every night, or Athena's style of eating that she had tried in San Francisco. Her mother's personal diet coach had an entire nutrition plan for her that her chef followed to the letter. For the entirety of eighth grade, Annabeth had eaten quinoa, roast vegetables, and chicken breast. Well, not much has changed, has it? She thought.

"And where are you interested in going to college?" Athena asked, changing the subject once more. Once again, Annabeth began to think of the many, many places she would rather be.

When Annabeth first moved to San Francisco, she was so shocked by how different everything was. Athena lived in a gorgeous home in Marin Country and drove a black BMW SUV with soft leather seats. Annabeth went to an all-girls private school where they had uniforms. There was a personal chef named Anthony.

Annabeth tried to get used to the weird parts about living there- how there was no food in the house besides the meal prep that Anthony delivered weekly, that Athena usually didn't get home until at least 8 PM. She was so excited and so happy to be out of New York that she accepted anything that came her way.

It was a rare occasion that Athena had enough time to go out to dinner or spend time with Annabeth, but one time when they finally did, Annabeth asked her to get ice cream. Athena's only response was a raised eyebrow and Are you sure about that? Ice cream isn't healthy.

The comments were small, but they happened regularly. As Annabeth settled in, she began to realize that the way she and her mom ate wasn't normal. It wasn't some weird San Francisco thing like she had originally thought. No- her mother's style of eating was truly bizarre.

Over that eighth grade year, Annabeth got used to the plan they lived on. She had never looked at her body critically before, but such awareness of what she was eating, and Athena's comments, forced her to see herself in the mirror for the first time.

Are you sure? You need to eat healthy to fuel that brain of yours.

I think you're doing great, but the only missing puzzle piece is eating well.

Why do you come home after school and eat so many snacks?

There were other reasons Annabeth hated living in San Francisco. She never saw her mother. She didn't get along with the girls at her school, who had all been friends for years and were unlikely to trust any new student. She was incredibly, incredibly lonely, and found that Athena felt like even less of a family than her father, his wife, and their children. But she also hated it because she felt like Athena looked at her through a microscope, always picking out small parts of Annabeth to quietly scrutinize, so Annabeth would internalize her criticism and try and change herself.

Athena's methods had worked. Here Annabeth was, three years later. Thanks, Mom.

Annabeth came home in a royally bad mood. Thankfully everyone else in the house had gone to sleep, so they didn't have to deal with much of her rage (besides loudly slamming the door and probably waking everyone up).

She would like to say that she got more sleep then she did that night. She stayed up all night watching YouTube health and fitness videos, planning her future cheat days, instead of working on a calculus project she had barely finished. Annabeth made a list in her journal of her ideal cheat day meals- everything from ice cream to pizza and mac and cheese. If only if only if only.

If she even began to think about Athena, she got so angry she had to force herself to take several deep breaths before she could even begin to think about going to sleep.

By the time her alarm went off, she was so exhausted it was difficult to pry herself out of bed. Surprisingly, her dad was in the kitchen, sipping coffee. He brightened up when he saw her. "Hey honey! How was dinner last night?"

Annabeth's face soured as she started making herself breakfast (whole wheat tortilla with peanut butter and honey). "Oh. Fine."

"Where'd you guys go?"

Can he not take a hint? "French place in Tribeca." All of a sudden, she was so, so angry: at her mother for not being a mother, at her father for trying to be a father, even though he was way too late.

"I packed a lunch for you. Lasagna leftovers."

That was it. "I don't want your lunch, Dad! I want to make my own food!"

Her dad's eyebrows raised. "Annabeth? Excuse me?"

The second she said it, she regretted it. "I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm just exhausted," the words all began spilling out of her at once, "and school is really stressful right now. I'm so sorry Dad I didn't mean-"

He stood up and walked over to her. Annabeth gulped. "Annabeth, are you okay? Are you having problems? At school? With your friends?" He paused. "With food?"

Annabeth looked at him like a deer in the headlights. "What- no- how could you think?" Her heartbeat was racing. He's trying to control me. "No, I don't." She took a deep breath. "No, I'm so sorry. I have a big project for calculus due today and seeing Mom last night meant that I had to stay up pretty late to finish everything. I'm really sorry. No, I'm doing fine." The lie twisted out of her mouth easier than she ever would have expected.

He pursed his lips. "Alright, honey. I believe you. But please let me know if you want anything, or if you want to talk to someone."

Fat chance. I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing, and he just doesn't understand. "Thanks Dad. I'll let you know." She got ready faster than she had thought possible, leaving her breakfast on the counter, and sprinting out before he could accuse her again.

Annabeth was almost surprised when Percy walked onto the subway. She'd been thinking so much about what her dad had said (and how she didn't have a problem with food) that she had forgotten he took the subway with her now.

Percy looked about how Annabeth felt. She didn't usually think of him as scary- but today she realized just how intimidating Percy could be. His sea green eyes were stormy and his shoulders were slightly hunched over. His lips were downturned into a slight frown. He looked like he'd had a bad, bad morning. He sat down next to her with no greeting.

Annabeth tried to plaster a smile on her face. "Morning."

Percy responded with nothing more than a slight grunt before he leaned his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. "D'you mind?"

"No, no," Annabeth said, her heart rate picking up. "All good."

Percy settled in comfortably, leaning on her. He wasn't asleep, though. His eyes kept opening and he kept shifting around to get comfortable. Eventually he picked his head up and stared straight ahead. "My dad called me last night."

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah. He asked me to come visit him for a weekend. In St. Augustine." His voice was harsh, but the anger wasn't directed at her.

And then Percy's bad mood made sense. From what Annabeth remembered, Percy had next to no contact with his dad, even less than Annabeth with her mom. They used to talk about it all the time when they were younger. Percy used to be so excited to meet his dad, but apparently something had changed. "When?" she asked, her voice soft.

Percy shrugged. "Don't care."

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

That opened the floodgates. "No. He's an asshole. He only cares about me and my mom when he realizes that I'm a swimming champion or whatever, and then he decides I'm worthy of his time." Percy continued, now on a roll. "It just makes me so mad. We've barely talked to me since I was thirteen, and then he sees my name on the news and all of a sudden-" he let out a choked sob before he went quiet and closed his eyes again.

Annabeth reached for his hand. When she was young, really young, her dad had lightly scratched her back to calm her down if she was upset. It was the best feeling in the entire world. She opened Percy's tightly gripped fingers and began to trace over them lightly. His hand relaxed into her touch. "I'm sorry." She didn't really know what to say. "I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry he made you feel that way."

Percy nodded, not saying anything for the rest of the ride, just letting her calmly trace his hand while he took some deep breaths. When he finally opened his eyes, his face was bright red- not from the crying, Annabeth guessed, but the embarrassment- which was stupid, because he had absolutely no reason to be.

"Thanks, Annabeth. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow," he said as they got off the subway. Then he speedwalked away, leaving Annabeth in the dust with his long legs as they walked the few blocks to school.

Annabeth let a small smile across her face. Sure, it was a little unexpected, but she didn't mind. She liked Percy. She liked being around him. She wanted to help.

Later that day, Annabeth's brief good mood from the subway had disappeared with the onslaught of homework she had been hit with in each of her classes. She hadn't been lying about the calculus project- it really had been due today, and though it was finished, she knew she had done a terrible job. She mostly managed to ignore the gnawing in her stomach by drinking lots of water and coffee, but by the time lunch came, she was absolutely ravenous.

Thalia, Piper, and Leo suggested Whole Foods for lunch, so the four of them walked across the street and ate in the upstairs section. It was a little odd, having her three closest friends together. Sure, Piper, Leo, and Annabeth had a great time together, but adding Thalia in definitely changed the vibe. Thalia and Piper got along great, but Annabeth had always been far closer with Thalia than Piper. Then you add in Leo's old crush on Thalia, and it made lunch more than a little awkward.

Luckily, they spent the majority of lunch talking about Jason and Piper, who had since gone out on another study/date date. They hadn't kissed yet, but Piper was just biding her time, and waiting for the perfect moment.

Thalia, to her credit, didn't care at all that Piper was going out with her baby brother. "I'm not my brother's keeper," she said, when Leo teased her about it. "Jason gets to do what he wants. He stays out of my business and I stay out of his."

When it was time to head back in for lunch, Annabeth's bad mood was once again growing. She hated what she ate for lunch because it was hard to calculate the calories. They said goodbye to Thalia while she headed off to her next class, and Leo went to double check a project in woodshop. That left Piper and Annabeth to run to their lockers before they went to APUSH.

Piper ran to the bathroom while Annabeth spun her locker open, reaching in to grab her purple binder.

"Uh, Annabeth?"

She turned around to find Percy Jackson standing there, looking like he was in a better mood than this morning. "Hey. What's up?"

He looked a little awkward, running his hand through his hair. "I wanted to apologize for this morning. Sorry that I kinda dumped that all on you. You didn't have to be so nice."

Annabeth shut her locker and held her binder to her chest. "No, don't worry about it. It was seriously no problem."

Percy nodded, pressing his lips together. "Well, thanks a ton. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sounds good."

He walked off down the hallway to talk to the Stoll brothers.

Piper nearly sprinted up to her. "What was that I just saw, Annie? You talking to Percy Jackson?"

Annabeth resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Nothing. Just Percy."

"Didn't just look like nothing."

All the way to APUSH and throughout the entire class, Piper kept pestering her. "He was looking at you like he liked you. Do you like him? Hmm… are you sure? He's friends with Jason. I could talk to him for you."

Eventually Annabeth had had enough. After they had been dismissed from class and were getting ready to go home, Piper asked her one last time if she liked Percy.

Annabeth slammed her binder shut. "No, Piper, I don't like him, and shush! Stop asking me about it."

Piper was cut off mid-sentence, and she looked hurt. "Oh. Alright, sorry Annabeth."

Instantly Annabeth felt terrible. "Oh my gods, Piper, I'm so sorry. That just slipped out. I'm so sorry, I've had a stressful week, and I've been a little, em, reactionary."

Piper shook her head. "No, don't worry about it. Sorry, I just got excited and I began thinking about what if you and Percy dated along with Jason and I. Sorry. I got way too excited about it."

That made Annabeth feel even worse. Piper, her lovely friend, who truly believed in love, was just having fun. "I'm so sorry."

Piper shrugged. "It's alright. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

For once, Piper didn't ask her to hang out after school.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

AUTHORS NOTE: The name of the chapter is a reference to the children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. I did not write this book! I just thought it would be fun to use!

Thanks so much for reading! I really love the song I wrote for this chapter, and I included some of the lyrics that I thought especially fit Annabeth's current situation in the story. I'd love to know what you think or if you have any song recommendations! The plot is finally moving along, though this chapter did still include a bunch of backstory. Please leave a review if you enjoyed this chapter or if you have any constructive comments:))

-Emily