If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Song of the Chapter: Masterpiece by Big Thief

Instead of going anywhere for lunch that day, Annabeth, Thalia, and Piper claimed the stairwell they always used to sit in when Annabeth was a freshman. It was near the back entrance of the school, where no one ever came in, so it was relatively clean and quiet.

Their voices echoed through the open hallways, but that wasn't anything to worry about. No one came back here, especially during lunch. Not like they really had anything to talk about that anyone would have wanted to hear.

Thalia was drumming her hand against her thigh impatiently while she helped Piper with her biology homework. Thalia didn't look like it, but she was really, really good at science and math. Annabeth had always been jealous of that- she wasn't bad at them, per se, but she had to work to understand them. Her dyslexia made everything especially difficult.

"This is boring. I don't care about tree rings," Piper said, slamming her book shut. "Ms. Worth can eat it for all I care."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "At least you don't have Mr. Perris."

"Oh come on," said Thalia. "He's not that bad."

"He's crazy!"

"That's the best part!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I do not want to go take that APUSH test. I was up late studying, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten what the Gilded Age is."

"Oh gods, don't even get me started," Piper replied. "My dad came in last night so I had no time to study."

Annabeth turned to look at Piper. "I thought that he didn't get in until late?"

Piper blushed. "Yeah, well I was hanging out with Jason."

"Ooh, how was it?"

"So good."

Thalia snorted. "You go ahead Piper. Keep him out of the house more, for all I care."

Piper laughed. "No issue. Thalia, has he ever, you know, asked about me? Or anything?"

Thalia shrugged. "Maybe."

"You can't keep me hanging on like that!"

"Maybe I can."

Piper groaned. "Annabeth, tell her."

"Hmm, tell her what?"

"Tell her to tell me!"

Annabeth pretended to think long and hard about it. "Well, what do I get from it?"

Piper's eyes widened. "Let's get dinner tonight! My treat. Just the three of us. It's been so long. What about Aunty Em's?"

Annabeth's mouth went dry. She had a spin class planned for 5 PM, and the thought of eating a greasy hamburger after made her stomach turn. "I'm not sure."

Thalia turned and glared at her. "Oh, come on Annie."

"What?!"

Thalia stuck a headphone in. "I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that you've been avoiding us recently."

"What? I have not-"

Thalia shrugged. "I'm just calling it like I see it, Annabeth."

Annabeth floundered for a moment, words escaping her. She was so surprised that she had absolutely no idea what to say. "I'm, uh sorry?"

Thalia ignored her.

Piper's eyes were flashing between them like a tennis match. "Um, we should get going to class?"

"Yeah," Annabeth said, gathering up her stuff and making sure not to look at Thalia as she walked out.

She tried not to be angry at first. That was just Thalia, that was just the way Thalia was. She'd always been blunt, ever since they were little.

But as Annabeth sat there in APUSH, barely focusing on the test in front of her, she couldn't stop thinking about Thalia. Did she really feel like that? Did she think Annabeth was trying to avoid them? Because she wasn't. She wasn't.

The longer Annabeth sat there, watching the minutes tick away on the clock, the more confused she got. What had Thalia said- that she wasn't just speaking for herself?

Annabeth glanced at Piper sitting to her left, who was trying to subtly glance at her answers. Did Piper think that too?

At first she wasn't angry- she was just confused. She didn't know why Thalia would ever think that way. Annabeth cared about her friends.

Annabeth cared about her friends. And if Thalia didn't see that, then it was her problem, not Annabeth's.

As she and Piper left APUSH, Annabeth cornered her at her locker. "Do you agree with what Thalia said?" she asked, trying to look calm.

Piper glanced nervously over her shoulder. "Look, Annabeth- Thalia can be a little extreme sometimes."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe just try and talk to her, and figure it all out?" Piper said awkwardly.

Annabeth knew Piper was just trying not to take sides or make anyone angry, but it just made her feel worse. "I-I just don't understand. I don't feel like I avoid you guys."

Piper squeezed her hand. "Look- you have to see it from Thalia's perspective."

"You're right. I'll go see if I can find her," Annabeth said, pulling her phone from her pocket.

Annabeth: Hey where are you

Thalia: West entrance

Annabeth showed Piper the texts. She nodded encouragingly and Annabeth slipped her phone away, walking to go find Thalia.

The West entrance was somewhere Annabeth definitely never went. The reason all the potheads hung out over there was because it was the only entrance not directly visible from a busy street.

Thankfully, most of the entrance was empty, save for Thalia and a few of her friends- Zoë Nightshade and Bianca di Angelo. Annabeth gave them both a quick nod when she saw them. It wasn't that she didn't like Bianca and Zoë- more like she was intimidated by them. They were both long and lithe like tigers, and always wore cool black and silver clothing that Annabeth could never have pulled off.

Thalia stood up and walked over to her, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you coming tonight?"

Annabeth's words caught in her throat. "Well- I don't know."

Thalia raised an eyebrow. "I think you do know. I think you aren't coming."

"You have to understand. I'm busy. My dad doesn't like it when I'm not home for dinner-"

Thalia scoffed. "Since when?"

Annabeth went red. "Since he started cooking dinner every night, but you wouldn't know that because you haven't exactly been a good friend recently."

Thalia's eyes narrowed. "And you have?"

Annabeth could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She hated confrontations like this- especially with someone like Thalia. "Well-"

"Well what?"

Annabeth opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Thalia leaned back against the wall. "Well, come back when you can string some words together."

That was it. Angrier than she had been in a long time, Annabeth snapped "It's going to take a lot more than that to get me to be your friend again."

Thalia's eyebrows raised.

Annabeth spun around and sprinted off to get away from Thalia.

Annabeth tried not to cry. The air outside was cold, and she had tried to move fast enough that the tears would freeze before she had to feel them. Which was stupid, because her breath was coming out in short sobs as she walked to the subwa, casting her head down so no one else would see her like this.

She and Thalia never fought about stuff like this. Ever.

Part of her was angry- angrier than she had been in a while. How dare Thalia say that to her, especially when she was almost always with Zoë and Bianca? But at the same time, another small part of Annabeth knew the truth: it was her fault.

She had thought lunchtimes would be enough- apparently not. Her friends had noticed her distance.

But everything comes with a price, she thought to herself. If you want to be skinny, there are some sacrifices you need to make. And not everyone is willing to understand or make those sacrifices.

Nothing was making her feel any better. Even when she had stopped crying, her eyes felt heavy and her head felt empty. Her fingers were shaking. She walked to the apartment, thankful that Matthew and Bobby had soccer practice and wouldn't be home until late. Annabeth collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes, wishing she could just fall asleep and pretend that the fight had never happened.

Of course, she got no sleep. She didn't go to spin class, either, which meant a small dinner tonight. Annabeth could feel her stomach rumbling but she had no desire to go to the kitchen to get a snack. Even when her dad and Helen got home, she didn't leave her room.

Thalia was her oldest friend. They hadn't maintained the closest relationship over the years, but she still mattered to her.

Annabeth closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Annabeth? Annabeth? Wake up, honey. It's time for dinner."

It was Helen, gently shaking her. Annabeth groaned and turned around. It was still light outside, so not much time had passed. She looked at her clock- 6:45 PM.

Gods. She'd been in her bed, doing nothing, since she got home.

"We'll be waiting for you in the kitchen," Helen said, flicking her light on as she left.

Annabeth rolled out of bed, rubbing her eyes. Jesus, she was tired. All of a sudden, the memories from this afternoon came rushing back- the fight with Thalia, running home, crying on the subway. She frowned, wishing she could crawl back under the covers.

Dinner that night was roast chicken with rice and brussel sprouts. Annabeth was embarrassed to admit that she had more chicken than she should have, but she was absolutely starving, and scarfed down her second helping before she realized what she was doing.

Even her dad noticed. "Don't eat too fast, or you're going to get hiccups!"

Annabeth leaned back in her chair when everyone else was finishing up, unused to such a feeling in her stomach. She volunteered to do dishes because at least it was some degree of physical activity. She could already tell that she wouldn't be doing any exercise tonight.

Annabeth was trying to do APUSH notes, and completely failing, when she got the text. Her phone was overturned and lying on her bed, so she couldn't see who sent it. She took a deep breath and turned back to her notes, trying to focus.

At least, she tried to focus, until the notification buzzed again two minutes later. She gave up, decided she needed a break after doing little to no work, and jumped onto her bed.

Luke (two minutes ago): Hey! Wanna get lunch tomorrow?

She would have been lying if she said her heart didn't race. She got to have lunch with Luke tomorrow! Annabeth let a small smile spread across her face. Maybe it would be a good distraction from Thalia. She texted Luke back quickly, saying yes with a smiley face. Her finger hovered over her keyboard. Part of her wanted to say Do you have a date for the Snow Ball? Or Do you know I've been in love with you since I was fourteen? But she abstained, slowly crawling back to her notes.

What I should do, Annabeth thought, is text Piper. She'd want to know about Thalia. But I don't want to catch her in between that. It isn't fair.

The next day on the subway, Annabeth was glowing. The thought of lunch with Luke today was helping to distract her from the Thalia disaster. This is exactly what I need, she thought. Finally one good thing in my life!

When Percy got on, he raised his eyebrows at her. "Why are you smiling this early?"

There were two possible reasons. Firstly, Annabeth had woken up an extra half hour early to do a quick barre class to make up for yesterday, so the endorphins might be working their magic on her. Secondly, she had lunch with Luke, and he had asked her! "No reason," she said, still grinning. "What's up with you?"

"Not much," he said, sitting next to her. "I just wanted to- ah- say sorry again for what I dumped on you about my dad." He said it slowly, glancing at the floor and away from her.

Annabeth kept smiling. It was nice of him to think that way, but really, it was fine. He looked cute like that. "Seriously, don't worry about it. It was nice. I missed talking to you."

Percy brightened up and turned to her. "I missed talking to you too, Wise Girl."

Annabeth laughed. She was absolutely giddy. God, why didn't she get to feel like this all the time? "Seaweed Brain."

Percy let a real smile cross over his face while he ran his hands through his hair. Annabeth was tempted to touch his hair, just to see how it felt. God- why would I do that? That's so creepy.

Percy turned to her, smirking. "Will you scratch my hand again? That felt good."

Annabeth rolled her eyes.

As Annabeth and Piper went to English together, Piper turned to Annabeth and asked "Are you alright? You're acting kind of weird."

Annabeth's good mood hadn't yet faded. Thalia was absent in physics, unsurprisingly, so she had spent the period finishing up the history notes that were due today and thinking about her lunch with Luke. "Did I tell you that Luke asked me to get lunch?"

"Really now?"

"Really."

"Hm."

"Any other thoughts? Just hm?"

"Well, Annie, you know I'm not exactly his biggest fan," Piper said softly as they set their stuff down in class.

"Well I've liked him for a long time, and I'm excited."

Piper shrugged. "You have every right to be excited. I just think you'd be better off with someone like Percy."

Annabeth was shocked. "What? Percy? Percy Jackson?"

"Who else?"

"The swim team captain."

"No, Percy Jackson, the cleaning lady- of course the swim team captain! Annabeth, you literally ride the subway with him every day."

"I know that Piper. I just don't think we'd make a good couple."

Piper shrugged, turning to face the teacher as class began. "You sure?"

"Uh, very sure."

"Hm."

"Hm."

As Annabeth left English and started walking to meet Luke at the front of school, Piper's comment was still in her head. She'd been distracted for the entirety of English thinking about it, trying to figure out how Piper had reached that conclusion.

Annabeth and Percy? No way. Sure, they had the middle school best friend dynamic, but they were completely different people. Sure, Percy was funny and nice and far more attractive than Annabeth liked to admit- but she liked guys who were student body presidents and champion debaters and beloved by parents, teachers, and administrative staff members everywhere. Luke. She liked Luke.

Just as Annabeth turned the corner she saw Luke standing there, looking every bit as perfect as he was in her head, checking his phone. Today he wore blue jeans with a blue button up. His blonde hair was lightly gelled. He looked up and smiled as he saw her, and Annabeth's heart beat faster.

She hoped she look good. She didn't want to wear anything that was so tight it made her look fat, but she also didn't want to look like a shapeless blob. Annabeth self consciously tugged at her hair, wishing that it would just be straight instead of curly.

"Hey, Annabeth! Ready to go?"

They walked out of the front entrance to a nearby coffee shop. Annabeth tucked her hair behind her ear, giving him a look out of the corner of her eye and hoping she looked alright.

When they finally reached the coffee shop, Annabeth took one look at the menu and decided she wasn't going to get anything. She should save money, and she had already her eaten her lunch in physics. But as Luke ordered, he turned around and asked her, "You want anything? I can pay for it."

She didn't know how to respond. "Um, I'm fine-"

"C'mon, are you sure? It's on me."

She had to get something. After taking a quick glance at the menu, Annabeth said "I'll take a small iced coffee."

Luke nodded and payed with his credit card.

"You really didn't have to pay for me," Annabeth said as they sat down.

Luke sent her a wide smile. "Of course I did. We only have a few more months to hang out. I want to get in as much of you as I can, and I have to make sure you hang out with me for some reason, right?"

Annabeth perked up- get in as much of you as I can? That sounded good. "Sure," she laughed. "But you don't need to bribe me to hang out with you, Luke."

He shrugged. "Insurance."

Conversation flowed easily after that. He felt so, so perfect- he was funny and smart, and so on top of his college applications and workload and everything. Annabeth couldn't look away from him. And she might have been reading into it a little too much, but it felt like he was flirting with her.

The casual brushing of their hands as they walked back to school- paying for her food? Teasing her a little bit, but never too much? Annabeth didn't want to think too much into it.

"Thanks so much for coming to lunch with me. I had a ton of fun with you," Luke said, shooting her a winning smile.

Annabeth gave him a shy grin back. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Let's do it again sometime, yeah? I really love talking to you."

Annabeth's heart fluttered. "Yes! I'd love to."

He gave her a little wave as he walked off to his next class.

Annabeth resisted the urge to melt into a puddle on the floor. Luke was perfect. He was so sweet and smart, and he made her feel so good. She didn't want to think too much into it, but was there any chance that he might like her too? He'd been so affectionate today. Maybe something had changed.

One could hope.

Of course she didn't like Percy- he was nice and funny, but he was no Luke. She'd liked Luke for so much longer, and he just fit into her life better. Annabeth couldn't understand why Piper thought they'd be a good couple.

Annabeth's good mood continued until she finally saw Thalia as she left school. Thalia didn't glare at her or anything, just gave her a cursory glance before turning back to Bianca and Zoë. For some reason, that hurt more.

Some small part of Annabeth hoped that she and Thalia could just kiss and make up the next day, but as she walked away she knew there was no chance.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Hmm, interesting developments in this chapter, no? Definitely a lot of mood swings- kind of the point, if that came across at all. What do you think about Luke? What's he up to? And thoughts on Thalia and everything that that means?

I have the next chapter all planned out. It's a big one!

Though this story is largely about Annabeth's eating disorder, life doesn't stop for someone with an ED. More than anything, it's not just a story about Percy and Annabeth, or high school, or anything else (though it is all of those things). This story is about how an eating disorder affects the life of someone and their relationships with those around them, whoever that may be- parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. I hope that is coming across. Annabeth has an eating disorder, but she is not her eating disorder.

Does that make sense? I feel like that terrible trope is what I've seen in other stories where a character has an eating disorder. I don't like stories that do that because I feel like it makes the main character a victim who is in desperate need of being saved. People have far more dimensions than that, and life does not stop if you are anorexic and bulimic. They exist together, with some enormous ripple effects.

I did not know this AN was going to be that long. Kudos if you read all that! I just want to explain a bit of my thinking behind the story and why I'm writing it the way I am. I hope that you're enjoying it. If you'd like to hear more about why I'm writing this story the way I am, or why certain plot points happen, I'd be happy to respond. Just leave a review.

Emily