CHAPTER 24 - What have I done?

At seven in the morning, Andre was awakened by a knock on the door. He knew immediately that it was his grandmother who let him know that it was time to get up. He opened his eyes and scanned the bed. Oscar was gone. As promised, she sneaked out before anyone noticed that she wasn't sleeping in her room. Andre sighed heavily. The idea of departure and leaving her in an hour, hurt like a splinter. Although he had to admit that the events of that evening and night had somewhat sweetened the bitterness of the parting. He felt a familiar thrill as he remembered what they had been doing together just a few hours ago. Oscar was as crazy and passionate as he had always imagined. He wondered how he could actually had resisted her for so long. She was beautiful and she desired him. She came to him that night of her own free will and took what she wanted. And he didn't mind at all. The memory of her screaming when she gained satisfaction made his blood boil again. If only she was with him now..

Instead, he had to get up, get dressed and leave. Reluctantly, he rose from the sheets and picked up the pants he had thrown on the floor. He turned around to make the bed, and then he saw it.

A tiny red stain glared at him accusingly, right where yesterday night he made Oscar his. Andre held his breath and leaned helplessly against the bed frame. A thousand thoughts went through his mind, and his heart was beating fast with confusion. How could he not had guessed it before? Oscar had been a virgin. But she no longer was. And it was his fault..

„You're an idiot, Andre - he chided himself angrily - You took away the virginity of a woman you shouldn't even look at. If anyone finds out, you'll have big problems."

He sat down heavily on the bed and ran his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. Why the hell hadn't he thought about it before? He didn't want to make excuses to himself, but her behavior was not of virginal innocence. Not to mention the fact that she worked at Versailles! How could a woman who spent days and nights in such a place still be a virgin? Damn it! Why didn't he ask her immediately? He should have asked, even yesterday. And Oscar ..? Why had she let this happen? Why didn't she say a word? Why didn't she trust him? Andre couldn't decide whether to be angry that she hid the truth from him, or happy that she gave him such a precious gift. A gift he would not feel worthy to receive. Only now it was too late to reflect. And he felt cheated. Maybe it was good that he was leaving..

He got up and dressed quickly, then went to the kitchen. There was no time to waste.

...

With shaking hands, he put on the saddle and fastened the harness. He felt badly about what he was going to do. He shouldn't run away like a coward without saying goodbye. He knew he would regret it later, but now he just couldn't do otherwise. He flinched as he heard the stable door open.

- Andre - Oscar whispered, and snuggled against his back. He froze and held his breath. He couldn't escape now, he had to face her.

- Oscar - he said, his voice trembling, not turning around - I don't know how I could forget to thank you for my birthday present. It was a really great gesture.

- You do not have to thank - she said, hugging him tighter - I was a little afraid that you would be offended, but I really wanted to give it to you.

- I felt weird at first, I admit - he put his hand on the horse's head and scratched it behind the ears. But then I was glad. Especially for him. Maxime is no longer one of the anonymous animals in the farm. He's mine now. I am very grateful to you for such generosity. But.. Oscar.. - he sighed, because what he wanted to say was difficult - There are also gifts that make us feel bad. When we receive them, unaware of their value..

- I don't understand, Andre - she replied, surprised.

The man took her hands and lifted her gently from his body, then turned and looked into her eyes.

- Why didn't you tell me, Oscar? - he asked in a broken voice.

- What are you talking about? - the woman's surprise was even greater. She really wasn't aware of the source of his worry.

Andre sighed heavily and let out what was troubling him.

- I found blood on the sheets, Oscar..

She looked at him attentively for a moment, then looked down, blushing.

- Why didn't you tell me? - he repeated the question emphatically.

- Andre, I.. - she managed to choke out, but didn't know what to say to him. The truth was, she was ashamed to admit it earlier. And the second point, even more important, was that deep down in the heart she was sure that if he had known the truth, it all would never have happened.

- It was important, Oscar - he said, seeing that she didn't answer - Why didn't you trust me?

She pulled her hands out of his embrace in a nervous gesture.

- It wasn't a matter of trust, Andre - she replied, still not looking at him - It all happened so fast.. We just haven't had time to talk about it yet.

- It was one of the most important things we should have talked about, before you did get into my bed yesterday - he said exasperatedly.

Oscar felt a surge of anger.

- Oh! Into your bed! - she mocked - What hudge, dramatic words!

- That's the truth, Oscar, and your disrespectful tone won't change that. It was you who came to me yesterday, not the opposite. You came, you undressed and you gave yourself to me without hesitation - he said, raising his voice.

- Don't talk to me like that, Andre, as if I was any random whore! - she hissed furiously, lifting her eyes and staring furiously at his face - I didn't notice you resisting too much either!

They stared at each other for a moment, panting with anger.

- You are definitely right about one point, Oscar - the man said after a moment, looking away, fighting the urge to kiss her immediately - It all happened so fast, really too fast. We should give ourselves a little more time. It'll be better for both of us.

- But.. Andre.. - she started to protest, scared by what she heard, but he interrupted her.

- Goodbye, Oscar - he hugged her gently and kissed her forehead tenderly, then took the horse and left without looking back. After a while, the woman heard the sound of hooves in the courtyard, and there was silence.

Oscar felt as if an invisible hoop gripped her chest. She took a few deep breaths because she felt herself choking.

„God, what have I done? - she thought despairingly - I lost him. When the only thing I wanted was to keep him. Why did I even say all this nonsense? Why didn't I tell him the only thing he should have heard?"

She fell to the floor in the stable and hid her face in her hands. Tears flowed uncontrollably, and sobs shook her chest.

„I did it, because I really wanted to. I did it cause I love you. I love you, Andre!"