If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Song of the Chapter: Say You Miss Me by Wilco

On Monday morning, Annabeth's ears perked up when they reached Percy's stop, but she wasn't too surprised to see he hadn't gotten on. She had texted him this weekend but his only response had been several hours later, apologizing for not responding earlier, and she hadn't given him a reply, but she still wanted to see how he was doing.

When her stomach growled, she pulled her thoughts away from Percy and to her revamped diet and exercise regimen now that she was getting ready for the Snow Ball. It included extra strength work, and eating slightly less. Annabeth had stayed up late the night before and her head was still swimming with different caloric amounts and ingredient labels, but she was hoping to look good in her dress on Friday.

Just the thought of a dress for the dance made Annabeth want to break out into hives. She and Helen had made plans to go shopping on Tuesday afternoon after school— meaning Annabeth would have to miss her spin class and exercise later that night. It wasn't ideal, but there weren't too many other options available. The thing that scared Annabeth most was having to shop for a dress: having to look at herself in a changing room mirror and think about how many things needed to be fixed.

The subway rolled away from Percy's stop, and several other thoughts made Annabeth's stomach squirm. She'd have to face Piper today, which was definitely not something to look forward to. And how did she deal with Luke? Before they were just friends, but now that they were going to the dance together, how would he treat her? How was Annabeth supposed to treat him?

Annabeth's plan, to avoid interactions with anyone who was going to confuse her or make her feel bad, was to keep her head down, wear an enormous black hoodie, and eat in the library at lunch. She had homework to do, anyways.

Annabeth almost slipped when she saw Leo in the hallway. He was at his locker and she was tempted to go up and flick him or whisper in his ear or do something else and scare him, but she stopped herself. Leo had always been better friends with Piper, anyways, who definitely would have told him everything that had happened with Annabeth by now. She turned away and ducked into the girl's bathroom instead.

She didn't see Thalia once, which wasn't a surprise, considering Annabeth didn't see her at school much when they had actually been friends. Percy passed through her view a couple of times, looking kind of stressed and harried. His backpack was wide open when he sprinted to class so he wouldn't be late. Piper and Jason kind of seemed like they were dating— talking to each other between classes, that sort of thing.

Annabeth felt like a creep, or at the very least, someone looking through a two-way mirror at the lives of all her friends. Could she even call them her friends anymore? It felt like she was pushing away everyone in her life, even Percy, who still wasn't really responding to her texts. Sure, maybe she had Luke, but the thought of having to talk to him made her stomach do jumping jacks.

The only interaction Annabeth had with Piper was in APUSH. Piper gave her a smile that Annabeth didn't return. While Annabeth tried to pay attention to the lecture, Piper slipped her a note.

Hey, are you doing ok? Do you want to talk? - P

Annabeth opened the note quickly and debated whether or not she should respond. After just a moment, though, she quickly wrote back.

I'm doing ok, but thank you. - A

The response came back just a moment later.

Please let me know, I miss you. - P

This time, Annabeth crumpled up the note and didn't respond.

On Tuesday afternoon while Annabeth and Helen shopped for dresses, Annabeth was still thinking of how (for a second time) Percy hadn't shown up on the subway that morning. She had even checked the website of the boy's swim team and the didn't have morning practice Tuesday or Wednesday, so what was his explanation? Was he avoiding her?
Annabeth considered texting him to ask where he had been, but she didn't want to seem clingy. They get dinner one time, he walks her home and gives her a hug, and here Annabeth was acting like his mother. But truthfully, she didn't want to admit that she missed him.

"What do you think about this?" Helen held up a short baby blue dress with fluffy skirt and spaghetti straps.

"Um, I don't think it's really my thing," Annabeth responded. She would have looked positively awful in it. For one, it would have looked good on someone with bigger boobs and a smaller waistline.

Helen examined the dress. "Yeah, it's pretty over the top. What colors do you like?"

Annabeth shrugged.

"White, gray? It's the Snow Ball, right?"

Annabeth knew Helen was trying, but she couldn't bring herself to respond to it in any form. Her father had suggested they go on the trip to try and get them to bond and help Helen be a little bit more of a mom to Annabeth— and there was no denying that Athena was in no way any sort of mother figure— but Annabeth had long ago given up on this. Sure, she had been a little excited when her dad had gotten married, but Helen had never been interested in her. She cared more about her kids, Matthew and Bobby. At least, that was how it had always felt to Annabeth.

"What about this one?" Helen held up a sleeveless gray dress with a beaded bodice. "I think this might look nice on you."

Annabeth's heart drummed as she looked at the dress. It certainly wasn't ideal, but maybe it would hide the parts of her body she really didn't want anyone seeing. "Sure."

As they left the store, Helen chattered away while Annabeth clutched the bag containing the new gray dress and shoes. Even though Annabeth had insisted that she didn't need anything else, Helen had also gotten her a pair of white heels. Now she was telling Annabeth excitedly about her high school prom.

Helen wasn't a bad person. She was nice, and Annabeth understood why her dad liked her so much. But at the end of the day, she wasn't Annabeth's mom, and no number of shopping trips or pairs of shoes would ever be able to change that.

"Do you want me to get you out of school early for a hair appointment before the dance? It might be fun. We could go to the salon, and I need a cut anyway…"

Annabeth blushed. "No, it's fine. I'll do my hair at home."

"You sure? I could bust you out of class! It'll be fun."

"No, really. I shouldn't miss anything or else I'll get behind."

"Whatever you say, but the offer still stands," Helen said as they descended into the subway. "So, what's your plan with Luke on Friday?"

"I'm not really sure, but I think we're going to go with his friends."

"What about Piper and Thalia? Are they going to come?"

Annabeth frowned. She still hadn't told Helen or her dad about anything that had happened with them. "Uh, no. Piper has a date and I doubt Thalia's going."

"Well, it might be fun if you all got together. Are you going to dinner beforehand?"

Jesus. Helen's incessant chatter was beginning to be a little much for Annabeth. This was why she avoided being around her family as much as possible.

Percy wasn't on the subway the next morning. He didn't have morning practice, so he should've been there, but Annabeth wasn't even surprised. Was he avoiding her? He wasn't even talking to her in the hallways anymore. Did he hate her that much because of what had happened with Piper?

She had been thinking about this all day— and, by 3 PM, had basically convinced herself that he despised her. That's the reason Annabeth was so surprised when she got the text from him right after school ended.

Percy: I know this is super last minute but do you want to get dinner and study again tonight?

Annabeth forgot everything she had been feeling about Percy and texted him back immediately. She hadn't seen any of her friends in so long. All she had been doing was going to spin classes and tracking her calories, and she missed Piper, Thalia, Leo, Percy, and everyone else more than she ever would have admitted.

Annabeth: Sure! Same time and place?

Percy: Yeah see you then

Annabeth pressed her phone to her chest. Maybe it wasn't too late, thank God.

Instead of being late to dinner this time, Annabeth was twenty minutes early. She downed multiple glasses of water and felt her heartbeat steadily rise as the clock in Aunty Em's Diner gradually ticked closer to 7 PM.

Percy was a little late this time, but he didn't look like he was in a rush. At 7:10 he walked in with his Goode High Swim Team sweatshirt hood up and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans. He scanned the restaurant looking for Annabeth and she swore she saw a scowl on his face before he adopted neutral features and wandered over to her table.

Even though Percy no longer looked ready to kill somebody, he could still be scary. It wasn't how tall or strong he was, even though that was part of it. It was his eyes. They were a pretty sea green, but also intense. You could tell how he felt just by looking at his eyes. In an odd way, they reminded Annabeth of her own gray eyes.

Right now, Percy's eyes were betraying him. Even though his posture was upright and open, his eyes looked dark and angry. Uh oh, Annabeth gulped. He's not mad at me, is he?

He slid into the booth. "Hey Annabeth."

"Hey. How was practice?"

"Fine." He drummed his fingers on the countertop, looking at a spot just over her head instead of into her eyes. "Long."

"Gotcha," Annabeth said, hoping he would say something else. When he didn't, she cleared her throat. "What math stuff do you need to go over?"

Percy reached for his backpack and shuffled through it. "Just some stuff from class."

"Awesome. Whatever you need is good with me." Awesome? Really, Annabeth? What are you, ten?

"Cool," Percy said. Before he could open his textbook, they were interrupted by their waitress. Percy ordered a lemonade and a reuben sandwich. Annabeth got another Greek salad. She had checked the website before she arrived and had already known what she wanted.

Percy flipped open his book and immediately, they got to work. In the back of her mind, an alarm was going off, telling Annabeth that something was definitely wrong. Percy was never like this, never. Not that she had been hanging out with him for a particularly long time, but even if he was in a bad mood, Percy would tell her what was going on. Like that morning on the subway after his dad had called him. He would tell her if he was upset, right?

"Okay, transformations of polynomials. How far did you guys get in class?"

Percy responded in a monotone, rattling it off. He still wouldn't look at her face.

"Alright. What were you confused on?"
Percy shrugged.

Annabeth was starting to get annoyed, but she held it back. "Alright, maybe we can try some practice problems to see what you remember?"

"Sure."

The rest of dinner went very quickly. When their food arrived, Percy scarfed down his sandwich, barely taking time between bites to respond to her. When Annabeth asked how wedding preparations were going, his answer (instead of being just a few words) was a few sentences, but he still was barely responding.

When the bill arrived, Annabeth snatched it before she could grab it. "Remember, it's my turn to pay?"

She fully expected her to fight him on it, but he didn't. If the sinking feeling in Annabeth's stomach could have gotten any worse, it did right then.

As she slipped on her coat and got ready to leave, she wanted to turn to Percy and yell at him: why'd you even ask me to come here if you were just going to be an asshole?! But Annabeth had burned enough bridges in the last few weeks she knew she needed to take this one a little slower.

Percy still offered to walk her home, even though he didn't really say much. His hands were stuffed in his pockets as they walked back, and he was walking so fast that Annabeth had to fast walk to try and keep up.

As they finally reached the base of Annabeth's building, she couldn't take it anymore. She had to know why he had been acting so strange all night. "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but are you okay?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine. Why?"

Annabeth wanted to shrivel into dust and be blown away in the cold winter wind. "Oh, no reason, you just seemed kinda off tonight."

"Annabeth-"

"Yeah?"

"I have something to ask you."

Annabeth's heart thumped in her chest. "Alright." What was he going to say? Was he going to ask her to the Snow Ball? But… he wouldn't do that. No way. That was a crazy thought, and he knew that she was already going with Luke.

"Are you doing alright?"

Annabeth's eyebrows furrowed. Definitely not what she was expecting. "I'm fine. Why?"

Percy sighed. "Piper asked me to ask you, because apparently you guys aren't talking right now and she wanted you to know that she's worried about you."

All of a sudden, the pieces clicked together in Annabeth's head. Percy hadn't asked her to meet up tonight because he wanted to see her— no, he was probably trying to avoid her as much as possible, for some reason Annabeth had yet to figure out. Percy was only her tonight because Piper had asked him to come and talk to Annabeth. "So that's the only reason you came here tonight?"

Percy looked at her, eyebrows raised at her outburst, and didn't respond.

"Not because you wanted to hang out with me or see me or even do math or whatever, but just because Piper's trying to spy on me?" Annabeth knew she shouldn't be getting so angry, but the blood was rushing in her ears and she couldn't stop. All the insecurities she had about people trying to control her life— her grades, her eating, her exercise— rose to the surface, and for a brief moment she was the little eighth grader in Athena's gorgeous San Francisco kitchen again, staring at an empty fridge while her mother reminded her that she shouldn't eat ice cream. No, Annabeth would never let anyone control her life like that again. And that was what Piper was trying to do.

Percy sighed. "Annabeth, that's not what she's doing. She cares about you."

"But you don't! You're only here because she made you come!" Annabeth could feel the tears pressing against her eyes and threatening to spill out.

"That's not true."

"Don't deny it, I'm not stupid," Annabeth snapped. "I know when someone doesn't want to be with me. A few signs are all it takes. And I could tell tonight that you didn't want to be there. I knew-" her last sentence was cut off by a choked sob.

Percy just looked at her with those beautiful, sad eyes and didn't respond. And even though Annabeth didn't want to believe what she had said— and she had wanted Percy to deny it, and tell her he liked her, and then he would hug her and maybe kiss her and wait where on Earth did that come from? Annabeth didn't like Percy. Did she?

But Percy didn't respond, confirming everything that Annabeth had just said. She opened her mouth but nothing came out but a sharp inhale of breath. She spun around and pressed the key code to get into the building and didn't look back.

On the elevator ride up to her apartment, Annabeth pressed her lips tightly together to stop herself from crying, just so her dad wouldn't see and ask questions. When she opened the apartment, all the lights were off, and there was a note on the counter.

Hey Annabeth. Hope you had fun tutoring tonight! We all went out for dinner so we won't be home until a little later. Sleep well!

Annabeth dropped her backpack and cried in the dark, empty kitchen, wishing that someone could have been there. She didn't want to explain it. She just wanted someone to look at her and know that she wasn't OK.

The next morning on the subway, Percy didn't show up. Firstly, he had morning practice, but secondly, Annabeth knew he wouldn't have been there anyways. Last night had not been good. The weight of all her stupid decisions was finally beginning to weigh on her: she had lost Thalia and Piper, her two best friends in the entire world, and then Percy, someone she loved being around— and it was all Annabeth's fault, all her stupid decisions. Even the thought of going to the dance with Luke couldn't cheer her up. Piper's question from a few days ago (do you even want to go with Luke?) crossed her mind.

She had cried herself to sleep last night, and her eyes still felt dry and sad when she woke up. But Annabeth still had woken up, made a healthy breakfast, and was on her way to school. All she could do now was keep her head down in class, go to the library at lunch, and go to spin class in the afternoon.

She saw Percy in the hallway, but he either didn't see her or looked away when he did. Piper gave her another smile, but Annabeth didn't return it. She was so mortified of the way she had treated her it was going to take a long, long time for Annabeth to apologize. She didn't see Thalia, or Leo, thank the gods.

The highlight of the day was incredibly depressing:

Luke: Hey! So for the dance tomorrow night, is it OK if we go with my friends? I can pick you up around 6 for dinner?

She didn't want to go to the dance with Luke, or any of his friends. He hung out with a group of popular and well-known seniors that frankly, terrified Annabeth. All of the girls were skinny and beautiful, and Annabeth knew she would be the ugly duckling of the night. But who else could she go with? Piper? Thalia? Percy? And she had been dreaming of this moment for years, even if that dream didn't seem so appealing anymore.

Annabeth: Sounds great!

"Oh, you look beautiful!" Helen beamed, putting the final touches on Annabeth's makeup. Even though Annabeth had put her foot down on the salon visit, Helen had taken the afternoon off of work to help Annabeth get ready for the dance. While Helen was getting her masters degree, she had done bridal makeup on the side, and her skills had stuck with her.

Annabeth didn't want anything too over the top, so Helen had gone with simple touches of blush, lip gloss, mascara, and eyeliner. Her curly hair had been left down, with a few braids linking together at the back. With her dress and shoes on, Annabeth couldn't deny that she looked better than she usually felt.

"Thanks so much, Helen."

"Of course! Your first dance with a date is always exciting," Helen said, fussing over Annabeth's hair. "And you can stay out as late as you want, but just keep texting us updates so your father doesn't get too worried."

Annabeth knit her eyebrows. "Are you sure? I thought curfew was 11."

"Oh, that's just what your dad wants you to think. Don't worry about it."

Annabeth checked her phone. Luke would be here in five minutes, so she didn't have too much time. She sat on the couch double and triple-checking her coat and purse to make sure she had everything she needed.

"You look wonderful, honey," her dad said as he made dinner. "Sure you don't want to invite Luke in?"

"No, we should just get going," Annabeth said. The thought of Luke coming up here was terrifying. Meeting her dad? Absolutely not. He was going to text her when she was outside and she would meet him on the bottom floor.

Speaking of which, her phone beeped. After checking her messages, Luke had indeed arrived. Annabeth's heart thumped. "Alright, he's here. Bye!"

"Bye Annabeth!" Her dad and Helen gave her a hug before she speedwalked to the bottom floor, aching to get away from them.

Annabeth would be surprised if she wasn't a sweaty mess by the time the elevator reached the bottom floor. Just the thought of having to hang out with Luke and all his popular friends for the night made her want to run back upstairs. But the elevator dinged and it's doors opened, and there, on the other side of the front doors, was Luke, waiting for her.

It was snowing outside, and fluffy flakes peppered Luke's jacket. When he saw her emerge, he gave her a huge smile, then gave her a hug when she opened the door. Annabeth took a deep breath and tried to tell herself it was all going to be fine.

"Hey Beth. You look beautiful," Luke said, looking at her dress. "Ready for the Snow Ball?"

Annabeth took a deep breath. "Let's go."

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Authors Note: Ahaha, a little bit of a cliffhanger at the end?! This has easily been my favorite chapter to write so far. I feel like the story is finally building up, and I'm really looking forward to working on it. I also apologize if my updates aren't coming as frequently as you might like. I am in school and I'm quite busy and this story is not my no. 1 priority, to be completely honest. But I still love working on it and I have a lot of plans for it in the future, so don't worry!

ALSO: Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors!

I was very tempted to make the song of this chapter "The Perfect Space" by the Avett Brothers but I've already done so many songs by them I decided I would hold off, and do a Wilco song instead (my other favorite band!). If you like the songs, please let me know! If you have any song suggestions, also let me know!

Finally, I want to hear your predictions for what you think happens next. Your reviews really motivate me to keep writing, and I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much!

Emily