CHAPTER 25 - Painful everyday life

January 1780

- Where are the men I have chosen for today's watch, Captain Girodelle? - Oscar asked irritably - They should be here waiting for orders!

- The additional training you ordered ended only five minutes ago.. - the man started hesitantly - They will definitely be here soon..

- That doesn't justify them. Neither you. You are responsible for them! - she replied angrily.

- But commander.. - the captain tried to say something again, but she cut him off without mercy.

- I'm going to the audience hall now. The queen will be there in a moment. Supplementary soldiers are to guard the doors and corridors immediately - she got up and started putting on gloves - If there are any delays, there will be penalties.

- All right, Colonel! - he replied.

He looked after her attentively as she quickly walked away.

Something was wrong with his commander. Of course, she was always strict and obligatory. She hated opposition and commanded the guard with a strong hand, not like a woman. But for some time her behavior had deteriorated. She was constantly irritated, she got angry easily and demanded from her subordinates three times as much as before. She did not spare herself either. She did not take days off, trained until she dropped every day, and came home less and less. It looked like.. something was bothering her. Girodelle sighed and went without delay towards the soldiers' quarters. He had to get it sorted quickly or he was going to be in real trouble.

Oscar was pacing the corridors anxiously, heading towards the great hall where Marie Antoinette was receiving visitors. She was running late, and that made her nervous. All because of Girodelle and his disorganization. It was unbearable. She reached the hall and went in quickly. The queen hasn't been here yet, fortunately. So she went back outside, waiting for her captain and soldiers. There was a crowd of men in front of the room. Everyone tried to push as close to the door as possible to be admitted first.

- Get out of the way! Out of the way, you idiot! Can't you hear what I'm saying ?! - one could hear screams from the middle of this crowd. The crowd of people parted reluctantly, and after a while two people materialized in front of surprised Oscar. Much to her dislike, one of them was Duke de Guemene, with whom she had not been on good terms since the fateful fight in the streets of Paris.

- We want to talk to the Queen. Immediately! - he said without even a word of greeting.

- The Queen hasn't come down yet. You'll have to wait like everyone else, Duke - she replied coldly.

- I want the immediate meeting! - de Guemene argued - Otherwise, I want to speak to someone competent. To a man.

Oscar felt about to explode. She took two deep breaths and tried to calm down but to no avail.

- If you don't like me personally, it is your problem - she hissed angrily.

- Be careful, de Jarjayes, don't tease me - he said quietly, so that only she could hear - Because I'll hit that pretty face of yours again. Or worse – he flashed a malicious smile.

- I pretend I didn't hear you - she replied, turning and walking back into the audience hall. The Queen had just come and the meetings could begin.

...

- Mademoiselle Oscar, you are finally home! - Marie exclaimed happily when she saw the woman entering the kitchen - You've been gone all week! Were it not for the messages you were sending, we would have thought something had happened.

- It's all right, nanny - Oscar replied reassuringly - I really have a lot of work. Our queen is a very busy person - she laughed bitterly - I'm very tired and hungry. Can you make dinner for me?

- Of course, darling - the hostess replied brightly - Dinner will be in half an hour, and in a few moments I'll send Rosalie with hot water. You will definitely want to refresh yourself.

- Yes, thank you, nanny - the woman smiled and left.

Marie looked after her with concerned eyes. Oscar was not herself. Most of the time she was subdued, resigned. As if she had lost all her liveliness. At work, of course, she was still impeccable. Always dutiful. Not making mistakes. But apart from that.. Ever since Andre left, something broke inside her.

Marie was confused. She should actually be satisfied. The grandson left just as she had asked him to do. Without any war, remorse or quarrel. Obediently. The paths of the two young people diverged, and the danger was averted. But there was something wrong with all of this. They seemed to have a strong bond that, however, was now clearly severed. They didn't even write to each other. Admittedly, Oscar had sent one letter to Etretat in November and, from what Marie found out, Andre even replied. After that, however, no more letters came or was sent. It was very mysterious..

Additionally, this surprisingly bad mood of the girl.. She seemed almost.. hurt. Yes, that was probably a good word. Marie hoped that this villain, her grandson, hadn't done anything stupid. If he had hurt Oscar.. If he had hurt her, she wouldn't have written him a letter. And she wouldn't have organized the huge amount of money that went to rebuild the breeding in Etretat. So what really happened?

Marie had lived in this world for many long years. She could see a lot of things and was able to see what others sometimes missed. She watched the young couple closely. What was between them.. Marie knew what it was, but was afraid to even think about it. If only Oscar had not been a noble, the old lady would have gladly blessed the union and waited with a light heart for the sound of the church bells. But the situation was not easy. Such feelings could only be the cause of their destruction. A disgrace for her. Ruin for him. It wasn't fair, but that's how the world was arranged. So maybe it's better for them to break up. Oscar can handle it. As always.

...

- Mademoiselle? - Rosalie knocked on Oscar's door - Can I come in? I brought you hot water.

- Come in - came the simple answer.

The girl opened the door, struggling to carry two buckets of water.

- Thank you, Rosalie - Oscar replied as she poured water into the tub.

- Are you allright, Mademoiselle? - the girl asked in a low voice.

She was worried about Oscar. The woman was sitting in the armchair with her eyes closed and forehead resting on her hand. In front of her was a glass of wine, already empty. She had dark circles under her eyes, as if she wasn't sleeping very well for many nights. She also lost a lot of weight.

- Of course, Rosalie - she replied, pretending to be cheerful and looking up at her with her sapphire gaze, which was filled with utter sadness - Tell Marie I'll stay home tomorrow. In two days I am leaving to escort the Queen to the Winter Palace and will be gone another week or two, depending on Marie Anoinette's decision. Now I'd like to wash up.

The girl nodded, bowed and went out into the corridor without a word. Already behind the door she sighed heavily. Oscar was dealing with her feelings for Andre much worse than she was herself.

Actually, Rosalie should be mad at her, hate her. But it wasn't like that. At first she was really angry because she felt cheated by both of them. Oscar, whom she loved as a sister, although she could never admit it. As for which she felt tender and endless gratitude for all the help. Andre, with whom she experienced the sweet taste of first love. Her beautiful knight. The memory of his kisses haunted her sometimes at night. But she couldn't help how things turned out. She wasn't stupid and she wasn't fooled. She had been watching this emerging feeling between the two of them from the very beginning and knew there were things that she couldn't win. If these two were brave enough to put their honor and their lives on the line for love, then what did she mean to try to destroy it? She had no right to stand between them. Especially since Andre never promised her anything. Perhaps it was only she who had imagined that there could be something more between them. The awareness of reality helped Rosalie deal with the uncomfortable feeling. Or maybe meeting someone else had that impact.. The girl smiled at the memory of the man she met and ran to the kitchen.

Oscar took a bath, ate the supper, and sat back down in her chair in her usual company, that is, with a bottle of wine. She refilled her glass and sank into her sad thoughts. As always, when she came home, memories attacked her from every angle. That's why she tried to be here as little as possible. But now the Queen herself ordered her to rest before the long journey, and Oscar could not refuse.

There were days when she endured parting stoically. Work, tiring and demanding, helped with that. However, there were also such days that the longing tore her heart. But she had never allowed herself to think that she could just get on the horse and be in Normandy in two days. She had her pride. She had already humiliated herself enough by sending him this apology letter. What a stupidity.. His reply, polite but cold, infuriated her. He wrote she should not worry because he doesn't feel resentful, but asked for time to think. Damn cocky! His impudence was equal to that of the most pompous nobles. He was no different from them. And such words to a noble person by an ordinary commoner were like a slander. Arrogant jerk! The only problem was.. that she loved this impudent man with his mischievous smile and a twinkle in his eyes. With his bold kisses and the shameless touch of his fingers. She loved his pure, too honest soul. And this apparent cowardice.

When the entire bottle of wine was emptied, Oscar curled up on the bed, shivering and cursing him, herself, and the world. And that feeling that left her weak and vulnerable. She hated to feel so defeated. Fragile. Fighting was her life, but she was constantly losing this war with herself. She had to pull herself together. As soon as possible.