BLUEBERRY PANCAKES

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

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Song of the Chapter: Walls by the Lumineers

And all around your island there's a barricade

That keeps out the danger, that holds in the pain

Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you cry

Half of me is ocean, half of me is sky

Percy had driven them to Aunty Em's because it was the closest place to Annabeth's house. He was a surprisingly careful driver in the snow, which was something that Annabeth managed to pay attention to even though she felt very tired with her head in Piper's lap. Piper's fingers were running through her hair, and it felt just like something her father used to do when she was very small. She would've passed out in the back of Percy's car right then, because the weed made everything feel pleasantly smoky and sleepy, but she was also very, very hungry.

The minute that Percy found a parking spot Annabeth leaped out of the car, suddenly energized now that they were close to food. She could see the bright lights of the diner from here, like they were reaching out to her and telling her to come in, with promises of pancakes and hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls and a respite from the freezing cold of the street.

Cinnamon rolls! Just the thought made Annabeth pick up her pace while Piper grumbled behind her. Even though Annabeth was still in her dress and heels, absolutely nothing would have slowed her down in her fight to get to Aunty Em's.

When she walked inside the bright lights of the diner shocked her, and she found herself staring straight up at them. They were spinning, and when she blinked they made weird colors.

"Hey hun. You need a table?"

That one right over her head was especially interesting. Annabeth tried to make her eyes open as wide as possible to look at it.

"You alright?"

Someone grabbed Annabeth's hand. She pulled herself away from the lights and to Piper, who was smiling at the waitress and squeezing Annabeth's hand. "Sorry, our friend is a little distracted."

The waitress gave them a smile. "No problem. Y'all just get back from a dance?"

Piper nodded.

"How many?"

"Just four," Piper said as Percy and Jason opened the door, letting a soft ding ring throughout the entire store.

Mortified, Annabeth was now looking at the ground and hoping the waitress didn't think she was high. She wasn't that obvious, right? It wasn't her fault if the lights just seemed really pretty! With her hand still comfortably in Piper's, she let herself be led to a booth near the window. Percy and Jason slipped in across from them. Percy looked everywhere but at Annabeth, his fingers constantly tapping the table while he looked around the diner: at the waitress, the menus, even the green linoleum floor, but anywhere but Annabeth.

The waitress brought them menus and Annabeth quickly flipped hers open, looking at all the options like she had never heard of them before. Quickly, she put together an order in her head: two blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. Maybe she could get a cinnamon roll after if she was really hungry…

But then Annabeth remembered. She couldn't eat any of that. The thought of not getting her pancakes made her so sad that she looked at Piper and said, "I'm worried if I get pancakes it'll be too much to eat."

Annabeth had never said anything like that out loud before. It left her feeling raw, and scared, and strangely, a little relieved. But Piper just smiled. "It's okay, Annabeth. You get what you want. Ever heard of the munchies?"
"Eat what you want, Annabeth." Percy said it in a low voice, and Annabeth's eyes instantly snapped to him from where she was sitting. His eyes caught hers for a brief moment— that heartbreaking sea green— but he looked away just as quickly, and it was like he had never said anything at all.

"Uh, okay," Annabeth said, putting her menu away before she could freak out over it again. But she had already decided. She remembered the last few times she had been here, she had ordered a Greek salad. Despite what Percy and Piper had said, she was going to do it again, because she knew she wasn't really hungry (it was just the munchies, right?) and the only thing she needed was something light in calories. If she was going to get anything at all.

Annabeth's heart pounded relentlessly in the time it took for the waitress to circle back around and take their orders. Percy got a cinnamon roll and Piper and Jason split a piece of pie. When it was Annabeth's turn to order, she could barely get the words out. "I'll have the Greek salad."

The waitress nodded and went to write down her order, but Percy interjected. "I thought you were getting pancakes."

He looked straight at her. She saw the look in his eyes: he was offering her a challenge. Annabeth's mouth went dry. "Uh, that's right," she told the waitress awkwardly. "I guess I do want the pancakes. With blueberries and real maple syrup." Percy leaned back triumphantly in his seat, once again letting his eyes flit all around the restaurant. But Annabeth's heart was pounding, and the only thing she could hear was Athena in her ear, telling her that she was eating too much and that she was going to get fat. Oh gods.

But she wanted pancakes. She wanted them so badly. She couldn't remember the last time that she had let herself eat something like that, but she hated the thought that they were going to put the weight that she absolutely didn't need— because she already had too much of it.

It was a little awkward. Normally Annabeth would have looked forward to something like this: she loved Piper and she wanted to get to know Jason, and obviously she enjoyed being around Percy. But with the icy silence that she had formed with the green eyed boy across the table (for a multitude of reasons Annabeth still wasn't sure that she really understood) dinner was very odd, and Piper and Jason were caught in the middle of what felt a little bit like a cold war.

But Annabeth was so focused on the impending doom of her order that she barely paid attention to the conversation, which mostly passed between either Annabeth, Piper, and Jason, or Percy, Piper, and Jason. If there was one good thing that had happened, it was that Annabeth now completely understood why Piper liked Jason.

He looked kind of like a Roman statue, with classic good looks and bright blue eyes, but he was a little too perfect looking. He was clearly intelligent and hardworking, but none of those were the reasons that Piper liked him. He had a certain steadiness about him that Piper had always been lacking elsewhere. With a movie star dad who could never really be around, Piper had always craved someone who could always be there for her. Looking at her best friend, Annabeth noticed the look that Piper gave him when he was looking away or talking to Percy. Jason was definitely not Annabeth's type, but she could see why he would be perfect for Piper.

Just being with Piper had made Annabeth realized how much she missed everyone. She'd been so, so awful to her friends. The fight with Thalia had been a complete nightmare, and it was Annabeth's fault. Thalia was right. She hadn't been around at all in the last few months. She couldn't remember the last time she had talked to Leo. And Percy— even if he was sitting right on the other side of the table, she had never felt farther from him. The thought of him being angry with her absolutely terrified Annabeth. She couldn't lose him; just the thought of it made her feel sick.

But she didn't quite know how to keep him either. She didn't want to force him into something she didn't want to do. So she sat back and didn't try and talk to him because he wasn't talking to her.

Annabeth could feel the high slowly fading away, and with it came back all the anxiety she had about the pancakes. She knew she was starving, but she never ate this late. She'd already eaten dinner, back at that disastrous restaurant with Drew and Luke and everyone else. She'd gotten the dressing on her salad and eaten the bread that came with it. She shouldn't be doing this now.

But Annabeth was powerless to stop it. The waitress was long gone with her order, and Annabeth knew it was too late to change it. Besides, Percy had been so oddly adamant about the pancakes that Annabeth knew she had no choice. The thought made her squirm, but maybe she'd just workout extra tomorrow and it would be fine.

Finally, the waitress circled around with a big platter of food. "Cinnamon roll?" She handed that to Percy, and the pie to Piper and Jason, before setting the pancakes in front of Annabeth. "Ring if ya need me," she said, flashing them a smile before walking away.

Annabeth's stomach felt like it was getting ready to leap out of her chest. Her plate laid tantalizingly in front of her: two large blueberry pancakes with a big pat of butter on top. And obviously a large container of real maple syrup. God, it really had been so, so long since she'd had food like this. And even though it was way too late at night to be eating, and she really shouldn't be eating at all, Annabeth wanted to.

She tried to ignore how she clearly had the most food at the table, or how slow everyone else was eating. Annabeth ate quickly because the pancakes tasted great, but also because if she ate too slow, then she would have second thoughts about what she was doing. And she didn't, because it felt so, so good to just eat, for once.

She knew she was eating quickly when Piper gave her a playful look. "Looks like you liked those pancakes."

It sent a pang to Annabeth's stomach, which felt oddly full. "Haha, yeah," she said, trying to smile. Her plate was completely empty, with only a few traces of maple syrup. Annabeth wiped them up with her fork so she could savor the last bit its sweetness. She licked her lips to get any final residue of flavor, but it was gone. They were done. The pancakes were gone. She had eaten the entire thing.

While the conversation continued about her— something about Percy making fun of Coach Hedge and other things Annabeth would have normally liked to listen to and even join in talking about— Annabeth stared down at her plate, waffling between the belief that she deserved some pancakes after being 'good', or debating if it had been a terrible lapse of judgement. No matter what, she knew she'd be doing extra exercise the next day.

"Annabeth, what'd you think of the dance?"

Annabeth's head shot up towards Piper, who had asked the question. Piper had a nice smile on her face but Annabeth could read her eyes. Piper was telling her that she had to participate in the conversation. "Uh, it was alright," she said awkwardly. It would be a bad idea to mention Luke. "Kind of boring, in my opinion."

Piper grinned. "You had some fun near the end there. What finally made you want to smoke?"

Annabeth glanced quickly towards Percy. The truth? She just wanted to bother Percy and see if he even cared. "Uh, I just wanted to try it. I wasn't having fun at the dance so I thought I should make it a little more interesting."

"Fair, but if you ever make me search around New York City for forty-five minutes for you again, maybe I won't be so nice," Piper joked, laughter dancing in her eyes.

Annabeth found it in her to smile back. "What did you think about the Balto statue?"

Piper rolled her eyes, but Percy was the one to respond first. "You almost got us, with that one actually." But he wasn't smiling.

Annabeth looked at him and when their eyes caught one another she saw the anger simmering under the surface. Her mouth went dry. "I, uh, thought it might be fun. I know. It's a terrible excuse, and it was stupid. I'm sorry."

Percy nodded, but didn't respond. Oh shit, Annabeth thought. He really hates me now.

Piper laughed casually. "It's okay Annabeth. I'm just happy you're safe. Do you guys wanna get headed out soon?" Piper's words pulled Annabeth's gaze from Percy, for which she was grateful. The longer that she looked at him, the worse she felt.

It had been stupid. Her friends were right. And if Percy had been angry at her enough before, for the shit she pulled at the dance, then he was probably furious now. Now Annabeth couldn't wait to get home and go to sleep as soon as possible.

Once again, Percy drove calmly and carefully through the Brooklyn streets. The snow had calmed down now to just a few flurries spiraling through the air, but nothing had really been ploughed and the streets were getting icy.

Once they reached her apartment, Percy pulled in front and turned off the car, drumming his fingertips on the steering wheel but refusing to turn around.

"Want me to come up with you?" Piper asked. "Is that alright, Percy? I don't need to if you want to get home."

"Fine with me."

Annabeth smiled at her friend. "You definitely don't need to."

"I will— I haven't seen you in ages."

They left Percy and Jason at the curb, promising to get Piper back quickly. Annabeth buzzed her keycard and they entered the dark lobby, only lit by the light of the elevator. Annabeth couldn't deny that she was a little nervous to be alone with Piper. She hadn't been a very good friend recently, and Piper had every right to be angry.

But Piper had always been blessed with a unique gift to see through people. Annabeth knew this— out of all the people she was friends with, Piper was easily the most introspective and emotionally in-tune with others. She knew exactly how to help others and treat people when they didn't feel great. Annabeth knew she was lucky to have a friend like that. Piper just managed to put everyone she was with at ease.

While in the elevator, Piper asked her about the topic Annabeth had been trying to avoid around Percy. "So how was your date with Luke, really?"

Annabeth sighed. "You were right. I don't like him. I haven't liked him, at least not for a while."

Piper's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Really. I hated the dance. It was clear he only brought me to annoy Drew. And it was so, so awkward. I felt like a trophy wife. I didn't realize it, but I think though Luke and I come across pretty similar, we're such different people." It was so nice to talk to Piper like this. Annabeth hadn't really been truthful with her for so long. "I don't really know why I liked him for so long."

Piper shrugged. "I mean, it's fine if you did. You were friends from childhood, and that's bound to be an important factor."

"Yeah, but he doesn't really know who I've become. Not like Percy." The elevator dinged as it reached Annabeth's floor. The two got off the lift and headed towards her apartment.

"Percy, huh?" Piper asked.

"He's easier to be around. He kind of gets me more." This was dangerous territory, and Annabeth could feel that Piper was trying to figure out if Annabeth liked Percy. But she wasn't ready to think about that or admit anything about it— not to herself, and definitely not to Piper.

"Percy's a good guy, Annabeth. Sorry if he came off a little strong tonight."

"I felt like he was so furious with me."

Piper shrugged. "Maybe it seemed like that, but Percy would never really get mad at you. He was just worried."

"Really? He seemed so angry. He would barely look at me."

"Look at it from his perspective. You got high, brushed him off, and then rushed back into the dance, only to wander around the streets of New York after and nearly get lost. He won't admit it, Annabeth, but he was insanely worried about you. If anything happened to you, he would have blamed himself."

Annabeth cocked her head. "But that's stupid. I was the one who left."

"Maybe, but that's not the way Percy looks at it. Maybe he is angry with you, but I'm willing to bet he's angrier at himself."

Annabeth couldn't talk about this anymore. If Percy felt like that about her… no. She couldn't consider that. It was far, far too confusing, and she didn't need anything like that in her life right now. "Uh, okay."

Piper, with her ever-present intuition, dropped the conversation as they entered Annabeth's apartment. It was dark but all the blinds were up, letting the light of a nightime city spill into the room. Helen had left her a note on the counter, hoping that she had fun at the dance.

"Ooh, did you guys get new furniture? It's been a while since I was here," Piper said, looking about the room with interest.

Annabeth frowned. "Yeah, we did." It had been so, so long since Piper had come over, and that was her fault. "Piper, I'm really, really sorry about everything that happened in the last few weeks."

Piper offered her a kind smile. "It's okay, Beth."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, it isn't. I haven't really told you about everything that's been going on, and that's my fault."

"I could kind of tell. I knew you were stressed about something, but I didn't want to push you on it."

"That's right," Annabeth said, finally feeling like she was being honest with Piper. "I can't really explain it, but I want to talk to you about it."

Piper squeezed her hand. "Of course. Whenever you're ready."

"You should probably get back to the car, but do you want to get coffee tomorrow and we can talk? I can tell you everything."

Piper smiled. "I would love that. I missed you, Annabeth."

"I missed you so much."

Piper gave her a long hug that Annabeth practically melted into, before she released her and went to slip her shoes back on. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. 3 PM?"

"Sounds good," Annabeth smiled.

Going to sleep should have been easy that night. Annabeth was exhausted after all, but her mind constantly danced between three different things: firstly, the pancakes. She shouldn't have eaten them. She knew that, and she'd pay for it tomorrow.

Secondly, all that was going on with Percy. What Piper had told her in the apartment confused her even more, and she had absolutely no idea what it meant for her and Percy's friendship— if they were even friends anymore.

Thirdly, what she was going to tell Piper tomorrow. She could just say what Annabeth thought she should say: that Athena and her father were stressing her out about school and college. Or she could say the thing that terrified her, because even if Annabeth wouldn't admit it, she knew it was probably true: she thought about food all the time, every single day. And she had absolutely no idea how to stop it.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, I truly do apologize that this update took so long. If the date November 1st means anything to any of you, than you'll know exactly why this one took a little bit longer to get out than the others.

The song I chose for this chapter (a cover of the Tom Petty song "Walls" by the Lumineers) is one of my favorite songs ever. It doesn't necessarily fit the chapter as a plot point, but it works so well with the vibe I was trying to create. The song discusses walls falling down and that's the theme I'm trying to explore with Annabeth right now (and Percy, if you got that at all).

Finally, I feel like this book has completed its first 'phase', if you will. We're moving on to a different part of the plot.

Maybe it's not quite enough Percabeth yet, but these things truly do take time. Annabeth's character isn't there yet.

I hope I'm not giving too much away but I like explaining my methodology behind the writing each of the chapters, and I hope that you all like reading them! I love, love hearing your feedback. A review I got from booknotbookie literally made my day. It was so unbelievably sweet and it made me feel better knowing that someone got the important pieces of the book that I'm trying to develop. Any and all reviews make me really happy, and if you have any constructive criticism I'd also love to hear that.

I hope y'all are doing well. Happy almost Halloween!

- Emily