CHAPTER 27 - Feeling guilty

Andre drove for several hours without taking a break, and it was only around midnight that he stopped at a roadside inn for the night. In the morning he resumed his journey and by the evening he was at the Jarjayes Manor. He handed the horse to Claude and sped inside. In the corridor, he ran into his grandmother, who, to his frustration, was crying desperately, hiding her face in a white handkerchief.

- Grandma! - grandson hugged her tightly - What's going on? - he grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him - I want to see Oscar immediately!

- Not now, Andre - she said, trying to stifle a sob - Her condition has deteriorated and Dr. Lasonne has just come. You cannot disturb him. Come to the kitchen, I'll tell you everything.

- But.. - the man tried to protest, looking despairingly at the stairs, but his grandmother gripped his hand tightly and pulled him along.

- Sit down - she ordered when they arrived.

- Why don't you tell me everything? - he asked exasperated – What did happen?!

Grandma began to bustle around the kitchen, making him food as if the act was calming her down.

- Mademoiselle Oscar escorted the Queen and Princess Teresa to the Winter Palace. While the journey that way went without any problems, on the way back they encountered an ambush and were attacked by a group of masked men. Mademoiselle had a squad with her so it didn't take long for most of the criminals to be neutralized. But she herself was badly injured. One of her soldiers said that these people.. as if they weren't even interested in the queen. As if they were there only to kill Oscar.. - her voice broke.

- What?! Do you know who they were? - asked Andre in shock.

- No, nobody knows. Captain Girodelle even made an investigation but learned nothing. Only one of the bandits survived and he was murdered in a prison cell the very next day. It is all very mysterious..

- And.. what about Oscar? - Andre could barely ask because his throat was constricted by fear - How is she?

- It happened five days ago, Andre. Mademoiselle received several serious wounds and lost a lot of blood. But the wounds heal, and she doesn't regain consciousness. Doctor said she might have hit her head. And regarding her condition.. It's all quite strange because.. She looks like sleeping but is not asleep at the same time. I do not know how to explain it to you. You can feed her, give her a drink, sometimes she moves her arms or her head, but she cannot contact us. As if she was in another world, completely unaware of anything - Grandma sighed heavily and hid her face in a handkerchief - I do not know if you should see her in such a state, but.. I wrote to you because I did not know what to do.. Nobody can help her - the woman cried again.

- Don't cry, Grandma - the grandson hugged again and stroked her head to comfort her.

- Andre, I called you for one reason - Grandma continued - She.. most of the time she doesn't make any sounds, doesn't even cry. But sometimes in the evenings.. she whispered your name. And I thought that if anyone is going to get her out of this state, it's only you..

- I'll try to do everything I can, Grandma - the man promised, his heart tightened.

- Madame Marie - Sylvie entered the kitchen in a hurry - The doctor is just leaving, he wants to talk to you.

Andre followed Grandma into the hall and listened to her talking to the doctor. Oscar was given new medications to make her feel a little better, but she didn't regain consciousness. Marie went to see the doctor off, and the man ran upstairs to Oscar's bedroom without asking. He entered quietly and stood by her bed.

When he saw her, tears ran down his cheeks completely out of control. The woman lay lifeless on the white sheets, her face as pale as the pillow under her head. Her golden hair was glued to her forehead, burning with fever. Her mouth was slightly parted, as if she were fighting for every breath. Andre fell to his knees, took her small hand and pressed it to his lips. Then he got up and sat down carefully beside her. He brushed her hair back from her face and stroked her cheek. Then he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

- I'm here, Oscar - he whispered close to her ear - I'll stay with you until you wake up. Come back to me, Oscar, please.. - his voice broke.

The woman sighed but did not open her eyes. Andre took her hand in his, sat down more comfortably and began to talk. He told her about everything that had happened in Etretat since they parted in October. About the rebuilding of breeding and about his gratitude to her generosity. About Maxime. About the white cliffs of Etretat and the emerald sea crashing against the beach.

When the grandmother looked into Oscar's room in an hour, she found her grandson sleeping in a reclining position, hugging his face against the girl's arm, their fingers tightly clasped. Marie stood for a moment, tearfully gazing at the sweet sight, then gently shook his shoulder to wake him up.

...

The next day, Marie woke him at seven, as agreed. He quickly got dressed and ate something, then went straight to Oscar's room. Inside, he found Rosalie who had just finished feeding a woman and was about to leave. She smiled at him, but seeing his confused look, talked to him reassuringly.

- Don't worry about me, Andre, it's all right - she touched his arm gently - As for mademoiselle, it looks like her fever has dropped and she's breathing today without any problems - she looked at the bed - Take care of her, okay? - she asked quietly, and he just nodded.

He sat down by the bed and looked sadly at the lifeless woman. She was still very pale, but her breathing was indeed almost normal. Her eyes were closed and her face was calm, as if she was just asleep.

- Good morning, mon cherie - Andre said quietly, and kissed her softly on the lips. He stroked her face and hair, then took her hand, just like the night before, and start thinking.

He felt an overwhelming despair. Why was he fooling himself that she would just wake up from the sound of his voice, from one kiss? She wasn't some sleeping beauty, and he wasn't a goddamn prince. It was not a fairy tale, but an overwhelming reality. If she.. if she died, he wouldn't want to live either. Without her, nothing made sense. Sobs shook his chest, but he quickly recovered. He couldn't give up, he had to do everything in his power to get her back. He stroked her face once more, methodically, starting from the forehead, through the eyelids, cheeks, lips. Then his fingers went to his neck, arms and hands. He was surprised how thin she was, much thinner than when they had met lately.

- Is it my fault, Oscar? - he asked, his voice broken - How could I have been so selfish as to leave you without even one kind word? After you gave me your whole self, I just ran away like the last coward - tears started to run down his cheeks, but he didn't worry about it. He patiently massaged her fingers, as if he wanted to give her some warmth - Forgive me, Oscar, forgive if you can - he took both her hands and pressed his lips to them, crying.

Suddenly the woman began to breathe deeper and shook her head.

- Oscar! - he shouted, bringing his face close to hers, but she didn't open her eyes.

He stared at her in bewilderment. Could it be she heard him but just couldn't answer? He didn't know if it was true, but he had to try. He sat down more comfortably and started talking again.

- Oscar, do you remember when we first met? - he smiled at the memory - It was November less than a year and a half ago. I remember it with all the details. There in the courtyard you looked at me with disgust, as if I wandered for hours in Parisian taverns - he laughed - And I couldn't take my eyes off you, either then or later. You were so beautiful, so unreal beautiful.. As if I were looking at a goddess who came straight from Olympus. I was so happy, when you came to Etretat last summer - he continued - When I got to know you better, I realized how wonderful person you are. And I fell in love.. I fought with myself, I didn't want to give up on this, believe me. Everyone around me kept busting my chops about it, uncle, grandmother, even Eugene. But I was lost already. I am lost, Oscar.. You understand that you have to come back to me, don't you?

The woman moved slightly again, and when he laced her fingers with his, she squeezed them. Andre felt his heart speed up. Was it just his imagination? A little ray of hope appeared in his heart.

- I'm here, Oscar - he said - I won't leave you.

He saw her face change, and an expression of boundless sadness appeared.

- Andre.. - she whispered almost inaudibly - Andre, I'm sorry.

The man felt the tears in the corners of his eyes again. He felt guilty as never before.

- Oscar, can you hear me? Oscar? - he leaned over her - You don't have to apologize to me for anything, do you understand? I am the only one who should ask for forgiveness. Only me, darling - he laid down next to her on the bed, regardless of what others might say about it, pulled her sleeping body to him and placed her head gently on his chest, tightly wrapping his arm around her – When you wake up, I will tell you this all once more. Please come back to me, Oscar..