J
It's Friday and thank fuck for that. Risa leaves tomorrow for California, which means I get to work from home next week. No Lisa. No Everett. No craziness. Well, to be fair, everything has been quiet since dinner the other night. I haven't seen either of them and I'm grateful. Just Risa and I. Or just me, for that matter. I came back from picking up her dry cleaning and dropping off mail at the post office to find she's not anywhere to be found. There's nothing strange about that, though. It's her home. She sometimes disappears, and I just keep plugging away. I have plenty to keep me busy.
I'm flipping through the mail I picked up at the post office when I hear shouting. Then, more shouting. I lean to the right a little to try and get a glimpse of what is going on, but I can't see anything. Maybe it's just Lisa and Everett fighting again. Everett comes home sometimes for lunch, since he doesn't work too far from home.
"I'm done, Risa. She's beyond spoiled!" Everett yells. I lean back in hopes of no one seeing me trying to eavesdrop.
"Where are you going?" she cries.
"Out."
"Don't leave. Not like this," she pleads with such emotion in her voice. I've never heard her sound like this before. Instantly, I'm worried.
He doesn't respond. The next sound I hear is a door slamming in the distance. He must have left through the garage. Risa sniffles then runs back through the house––her heels clicking quickly over the tile floor. I get up from my desk and follow her. Something happened. Maybe I can help. Or maybe I'm just being nosy and want to know what's going on.
I slowly walk through the house to the back sliding door off the living room. The screen door is the only thing shut. Shouting reaches me. Shouting coming from Lisa. I stay near the wall, so no one can see me.
"You just proved your point!" Lisa yells at Risa.
"Me? He left because of you."
"You would take his side, wouldn't you? Never mind. You've made it clear from day one he is more important than me."
Her hands are balled into fists by her side. I've never seen her this angry. In fact, I've never heard her yell at all. "You're my daughter! I always put you first."
Lisa barks out a humorless laugh. "I'm third, if not lower, on your priority list. Your job is first. Then Everett. Shit, I think Nini even ranks higher than me." Why the hell am I being brought in to this? I have nothing to do with their fight.
I slowly move forward until they're both in my view. They are standing on the back patio next to their infinity edge pool.
"Stop it. She has nothing to do with this."
"You're right," Lisa responds. "This is about me, you, and that asshole of a husband you have."
"I can't keep doing this with you. It's the same argument over and over."
Lisa drops her head. Her grey t-shirt is slightly billowing in the breeze. Her dark hair hangs onto her forehead. Her arms hang limply by her side.
"You're right," she says solemnly. "It needs to end." She reaches into the back waistband of jeans and withdrawals a black handgun. Whoa. Where did Lisa get a gun from? A nine millimeter, at that.
My dad used to keep one at home, just in case. When I was older, he would take me to the shooting range, teach me how to handle a gun properly, and how to shoot it. He didn't want me to fear guns but to be knowledgeable. And the gun Lisa is currently holding already has a magazine clip loaded into it. Once she put the clip in, a round went into the chamber. One pull of the trigger is all it will take to fire.
"What are you doing?" Risa gasps. "Why do you have a gun?"
"I knew it would come to this."
Lisa drops to her knees on the stone pavers. She slowly brings the barrel of the gun to her head, pointing it straight at her right temple. Her finger hovers over the trigger. I step forward on instinct, wanting to help, but Risa's voice halts me in my tracks.
"Stop!" Risa yells. "Please don't do this."
"You knew," Lisa's voice cracks with emotion as her eyes hold hers. "For years, I told you what he was doing, and you did nothing. You pretended it wasn't happening. How could you? I'm your daughter! Your fucking blood and you let him put his hands on me. You let him abuse me." A tear runs down Lisa's cheek.
Risa's hand flies to her mouth as a muffled sob leaves her lips. "I didn't...there was nothing..."
"Bullshit! You knew! I was twelve when I first told you. You blew me off. Then I told you at least once, every single year, until it stopped when I turned eighteen. He had a special birthday gift for me that year. You could have called the police. You could have kicked him out! But you didn't. No, you sided with him. Telling me I was lying and your precious husband would never do that to me. I showed you the bruises! I showed you the blood!" She presses the gun harder to the side of her head.
My mind spins with all I'm hearing. Everett had been abusing Lisa and Risa knew, yet did nothing? How could she? Lisa is her daughter, and she picked her husband over her. His word over her own child's.
Risa cries harder. She sits down on a chair and puts her head in her hands.
"I can't take it anymore," Lisa chokes out. "Six years I endured his torture. Then I dealt with six years of him threatening me. He said he would do it again. Every time I stepped out of line, he would tell me he'd visit my bedroom and teach me a lesson. Luckily, he hasn't set foot in there since I became an adult. No more! I can't live like this." The finger she hovers over the trigger moves.
"No!" I cry as I rush from the house. I can't stand here and do nothing. I can't watch her end her life.
Lisa turns toward me, the gun still pressed to her head. "Nini?"
I drop to the ground in front of her. My skirt rides up as the stone pavers dig into my knees, but I don't care. Nothing matters except getting her to drop the gun.
"Please give me the gun," I plead and hold out my palm. I've never dealt with anything like this before. I'm moving and talking on pure instinct. I don't want anything happening to her. Everything in our past is forgotten. None of it matters now. Only her. Only saving her life.
"Go," She tells me. "Please." The emotion in her voice has me blinking back tears. I hate seeing her like this. She's always been so confident. Never broken. But then again, I didn't know her all too well.
"No. I won't leave you," I say firmly.
"I don't want you mixed up in this."
"And I don't want you to take your life."
"Leave and let me do this, Nini." She squeezes her eyes shut and a couple of tears fall. I hear Risa behind me crying still. If I weren't worried about Lisa, I'd get up and backhand her for being such a poor excuse for a mother. She isn't the person I thought she was.
"I can't leave you, Lisa. Please," I beg as emotion creeps its way into my throat, giving away how the situation is affecting me. "Give me the gun. I don't want to lose you."
Her eyes open at my words and hold me in her gaze. "I'm no one. I'm not worth your attention."
"You're worth it and so much more." I hesitantly reach out to take her free hand in mine. She grips me hard like I'm her lifeline; the only tether she has to this world. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm exactly who she needs to show her she's worth saving.
"Nini, please."
"Give me the gun, Lisa, and we'll leave. I'll take you from here. Just us. No one else."
"Why are you doing this? After all I've done to you. Go. Get out of here. Let me stop the pain. Let me put an end to the nightmares. I can't do this anymore. Can't you see that? It hurts so fucking bad."
I bring my free hand to her chest right above her heart. "This heart of yours, I can feel it beating. It's strong and full of life. A life not over. Don't end it all now. Not when you have so much ahead of you. Come with me, Lisa. Let me show you what's out there. What life is like when you have someone who cares about you."
"You're that person? You care about me? How could you when I spent every day making your life a living hell?"
"Because your life is worth more than my hurt feelings. Because as much as you don't think so, you matter to me. Give me the gun, Lisa." Every word I've spoken so far has been nothing but the truth. I might not have thought much of her before this, but I know how I feel when I'm in her presence. When her eyes hold mine and my body comes alive.
"I don't know if I can. I've thought about doing this ever since he came into my room that first night. I thought about what it would be like to finally have some peace. To not have to worry about what tomorrow would bring. He might not be touching me anymore, but the threat is always there. Grant me that peace. Let me go." She closes her eyes again. Panic races through me. At any moment, she could pull the trigger and end her life.
"Open your eyes! Look at me!" She does. "All you have to do is give me the gun, then we can grab my keys and get the fuck out of here."
"You're going to take me to the hospital. I don't want to go there. I don't want to be drugged to the point I'm not even conscious. I don't want doctors hovering over me, asking me about my feelings and why I want to kill myself."
"No, I won't." I shake my head. "I promise." I should take her to the hospital. She needs more help than I can provide, but at this point, I'll settle for her releasing the gun and letting me get her away from her toxic family.
"I can't come back here, Nini. Not while he lives here. Not while the memories assault me every time I enter my room."
"You won't have to. It'll just be you and me."
Her eyes widen ever so slightly and the tiniest bit of hope is evident in them. She slowly brings the gun down, her hand trembling as she does so. I reach up and take it from her, the metal of the grip warm from being held by her large hand.
"Thank you," I tell her. I remove the clip from the gun. I don't trust her enough not to try and take it again. Now that I got it away from her, I need to ensure she never gets it back.
I stand and offer her my hand. My other hand holds the clip and the gun. She looks up at me, and for a moment, I don't think she's going to let me help her up. Yes, she can stand on her own, but me offering my hand is more than just a hand to help lift her. It's me asking her to trust me. Her palm touches mine. Warmth spreads through my body at the contact. She stands and peers down at me. There's a good five-inch difference in our height and that's with me wearing three-inch heels.
I lace my fingers with hers. "Let's go." Before we walk into the house, I turn to a still sobbing Risa and say, "I quit. I'll leave my laptop here. The rest of my things, which you provided for me to use while working from home, will be sent back to you."
"Wait," she cries. "Both of you. Don't do this."
"There is no way I can stay working for you, knowing what you did, or in reality, didn't do. How could you? You're her mother."
Lisa's hand grips mine hard. I turn from Risa. We go into the house, past the stairs, and into the office. I open the bottom left drawer of my desk, pull out my purse, and drop the gun and clip into my bag. My purse is the only thing of mine I have here that I want. The cell phone in it is mine, although Risa reimburses me monthly for the bill. I find my keys in my bag, and we are out the garage door in less than thirty seconds. Lisa's GMC pickup is sitting next to my red Jetta, but no way is she driving anywhere. She doesn't even ask.
I open the passenger side door of my car for her. Watching her climb inside is interesting to say the least. She's too tall, but somehow, she fits with the seat all the way back. I get in and quickly put her home in my rearview mirror as I drive the hell away from the nightmare she's been living for far too long.
We don't talk as I make the short drive across town. Her phone chimes in her pocket, but she ignores it. I didn't even realize she had it on her, but then again, why wouldn't she? No one goes anywhere without their phone anymore. I chance a glance at her and notice she has her head tipped back on the seat, her eyes are closed, her mouth drawn down in a frown. I focus back on the road.
I still can't believe she let me take the gun from her. The thought of her pulling the trigger, of ending her life right before me, causes bile to rise up my throat. What if I hadn't been there? What if I hadn't eavesdropped and inserted myself into their argument? I'd like to think she wouldn't have gone through with it, but deep down, I know she was ready to. There was nothing stopping her. Risa wouldn't have been able to keep her from doing it; not when she had something to do with her reason behind it.
It changes how I feel about Lisa, about everything that happened between us in high school. Sure, she was awful to me. She had the entire school laughing at me daily, but what she endured at the hands of her stepfather was far worse than anything she dished out to me. Truth be told, all those days of being picked on by her made me strong. She helped make me into the woman I am today. The one who takes no one's shit. Without going through what I did, who knows how different I would be now.
My hand is resting on the gearshift when I feel her fingers inch over mine. Looking at her again, I see her eyes are still closed. She lifts my hand and brings it to her chest to rest there beneath her palm. I don't want to pull away, so I don't. If she finds any comfort by me being with her, then I'll gladly be here.
There is no way I can begin to imagine what she's been through. So many years of abuse. Of no one coming to her rescue. My soul weeps for all she lost growing up: her innocence, the love and security of her family. I still can't fully wrap my head around everything.
I concentrate on the road before me and try to drown out the sorrow, which is quickly filling me. I can't think about what's already happened to her. Right now, I have to focus on the woman beside me and how I can help her heal, if that's even possible after all this time.