WHAT HAPPENS AT NOODLES

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National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

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where-do-i-start-0

Song of the Chapter: Fireworks by First Aid Kit

Why do I do this to myself every time?
I know the way it ends before it's even begun
I am the only one at the finish line

The next day after APUSH let out, Piper scooped off her stuff and rushed over to her locker, which was conveniently right across the hall from Jason's last period AP Biology class. Annabeth rolled her eyes but followed her anyway.

Piper and Jason weren't officially dating yet, but even Annabeth could tell that they were about to get together. The developing relationship was laughably obvious. They had hung out nearly all Monday night, and had kissed. Piper had told all this to her breathlessly on the phone seconds after Jason had dropped her off at her house, and Annabeth had smiled and gushed about it along with her. Jason was good for Piper— she needed someone reliable and put-together and nice.

Piper tapped her foot impatiently as she ruffled through the locker again, glancing over her shoulder every second or so, waiting for the door to open. She checked her phone and scrunched up her nose, muttering "It's three PM. Class should be over."

Annabeth laughed. "Calm down. It became three like, five seconds ago."

Piper huffed and began to straighten out the binder she had knocked over. Just as she leaned down to pick it up, the door slammed open and the AP Bio students began to file out. Piper spun around so she was facing her locker, urging Annabeth towards her. "Pretend like we're just here, you're talking to me, like this is normal—"

Annabeth smirked. "Alright. What'd you think of this APUSH chapter notes?"

"Terrible, as per usual," she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet "What are you up to—"

"Piper?"

Piper slammed the locker shut and spun around slowly, plastering a smile on her face as she saw Jason. "Hey Jason. Hey Percy."

Shit, Annabeth thought. Percy was in AP Bio?

In the days since the Snow Ball interaction, they hadn't really spoken. Piper's words hadn't really done much to make Annabeth feel any better, and Percy hadn't been on the subway, so there hadn't really been many opportunities to speak. And Annabeth hated swallowing her pride and apologizing to people. Doing it for Thalia and Leo had been hard, but necessary. And deep down, Annabeth knew Percy deserved an apology, but she didn't want to give it. Not yet.

But she missed him. She missed his weird texts and math questions and cute bedhead when it was early on the subway, and how he always wore Henleys or graphic t-shirts. And his mom's cookies. But the thought of eating them made her stomach want to turn— kind of like how the thought of apologizing made her feel.

And there Percy was, hovering a little behind Jason with his hand wrapped around an AP Bio binder. His eyes skimmed Annabeth and Piper for a brief moment before he nodded. "Hey."

"How was Bio?" Piper asked in a casual tone, betraying none of her earlier anxiety.

Jason shrugged. "It was fine."

"It was great," Percy said.

Piper raised an eyebrow. "You like Bio, Percy?"

He blushed a little. "Yeah." Annabeth sighed— who gave him the right to look like that?

"He loves it," Jason said, "Especially the marine bio stuff."

"That's Annabeth with architecture," Piper said, casting Annabeth an excited and not-so-subtle eyebrow raise. "She won't shut up about it."

Their attention now all cast on her, Annabeth wanted to shrivel up into nothing. She did love architecture. At least she used to. Now she'd been so busy with exercising she hadn't really thought about it in a while. "Uh, yeah."

Percy didn't say anything. Gods, this was the most awkward conversation of all time. But luckily, Piper knew exactly how to end it. She picked up her backpack and cast Jason a smile, like he was the only person in the room. From the way Jason's eyes lit up, he felt it too. "I gotta get going. Walk me to the subway?"

Jason grinned. "Sure. Percy, I'll see you at practice?"

"Sure," Percy said, looking ready to bolt as Piper and Jason waved goodbye and walked off, their hands nervously twitching towards each other. But he didn't leave, and all that separated him and Annabeth was a few feet of space.

Annabeth stared at him for just a second. And as his gaze flit over her briefly, she opened her mouth, ready to apologize, to give him some sort of explanation for who she had been on Friday night. She didn't really know what she wanted to say, but it needed to be something, anything, to fill what had caved in between them. She wasn't sure what she needed to tell him, but it didn't matter, because Percy beat her to it.

"I gotta run and talk to a teacher. See you around." He didn't cast her a smile, and his face betrayed nothing besides some form of disinterest.

Annabeth's mouth shut, the apology dying on her lips. She was about to respond when he spun around and speed-walked down the hallway, turning the corner in seconds with his long legs. Annabeth's mouth dropped open, the breath suddenly leaving her lungs. Then she pressed her lips into a thin line, hoping to suppress the sob that irrationally wanted to burst from her mouth, and turned off to walk in the opposite direction.

Annabeth had an unusually terrible afternoon. She had taken the subway home and was too exhausted to try and go to spin class, so she'd spent the afternoon doing a workout video in her tiny room, being quiet so she wouldn't bother the neighbors. Helen had poked her head into her room to mention that she and Frederick were going out to a friend's party, so Annabeth was responsible for Matthew and Bobby. There was money on the counter to order in pizza or eat out if they wanted to.

Annabeth wanted to cry again. She didn't dislike the boys… they just had extremely limited interactions, and the thought of having to take charge of them for an entire night was not her idea of a good time.

Then her dad walked in. "Hey Annabeth. How was school?"

He looked awkward in her room, like he didn't really belong there. As she looked at him framed against the soft gray walls of her room, Annabeth could see why people always said they looked similar. Annabeth had Athena's bone structure and eyes, but her lips and hair were her fathers, except that his once-blonde hair was now graying at the edges and beginning to recede from his hairline.

"It was fine. Not too much happened. Piper's been going out with someone."

"Oh! I haven't seen Piper in a while."

"Yeah. I'll bring her around sometime."

He smiled. "Have fun with the boys. Thanks for taking care of them."

"Sure, Dad."

Matthew and Bobby wanted to go to Noodles, and there was no arguing with them. Annabeth stomached the thought of eating pasta and they all put on their winter coats to walk to the nearest one a few blocks away.

Annabeth spent a while staring at the menu, so long that Matthew began complaining. "Fine," she muttered. "Two large mac n' cheeses, and I'll take the Caesar salad."

The boys were both in seventh grade. They played soccer and video games all the time and were generally not Annabeth's favorite people to be around. They felt the same way about her, unless they were annoying her, which they were now.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Annie?"

"No," Annabeth muttered. "Stop pouring salt all over the table."

"You seem like you're in a bad mood. Are you in a bad mood, Annie?"

"I'm in a fine mood, Matthew."

He shrugged. "What about that kid who took you to the dance last week?"

"Luke?"

"Yeah."

"He's a friend."

"Really? Didn't seem like a friend."

"He's just a friend."

Bobby's eyebrows raised. "I remember you said something about a kid named Percy."

A flush rose to Annabeth's cheeks. "I'm not dating Percy."

"Not what I asked. You like him, don't you?"

"No—"

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth looked away from the annoying half-brothers to a woman with long brown hair, wrapped in a dark red coat. Her eyes widened. "Sally?"

Sally Jackson smiled down at her. "Hey! I thought it was you from across the room. How've you been?"

Annabeth smiled back at her. Sally Jackson was the kind of person who you couldn't not smile back at. "I'm doing OK. How are you? Percy told me about the wedding." Oh Gods. Percy had invited her to their wedding— ages and ages ago. But he probably didn't want her there anymore.

Sally laughed. "It's stressful, but it's worth it. Are you still going to come, Annabeth?"

Annabeth's stomach soured. Maybe before, but now? After everything? "I, don't know. I'm not really sure what's going on with my schedule that weekend."

Sally studied her and Annabeth swore it felt like she was staring straight through her. Like she knew there was something Annabeth wasn't telling her, or knew something that Annabeth didn't. "Well, we'd love to have you there. I think Percy would too."

"Oh. Yeah. I'll let you know." Annabeth felt like squirming off under the table. Just her luck. She runs into Sally Jackson at Noodles. "Oh, Sally, these are my half-brothers Matthew and Bobby."

Sally greeted them, asking them the requisite questions about which grade they were in before Bobby piped in with a question of his own. "Are you Percy's mom?"

Sally laughed. "Yes I am. Has Annabeth told you about Percy?"

"Not much," responded Matthew.

"But enough," said Bobby, casting his twin a quick look. Annabeth wanted to stuff both their faces with a sock before Sally turned back to her.

"Annabeth, what are you up to this weekend?"

An odd question, but Annabeth just responded "Not much. Why?"

Sally had an odd twinkle in her eye. "Percy has a swim meet about an hour outside of the city and he mentioned he wanted to invite some friends. Do you want to go?"

Annabeth wanted to die. Of course she wanted to go! "I don't know. I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding!"

"Um, but does Percy want me there?"

Sally smiled. "He was going to invite you but haven't gotten around to it. He's forgetful like that. Besides, you said yourself that you aren't doing much this weekend."

Annabeth had been boxed into a corner. But before she could say no, she felt herself saying "Uh, okay."

"Great," Sally smirked a little bit. Annabeth could see some of Percy's troublemaker look in her eye. "I'll see you then."

"Thanks for inviting me, Sally."

"Of course," she said, squeezing Annabeth's hand. "And Annabeth?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry about Percy."

Annabeth knew Sally was trying to reassure her, but Annabeth knew what was really going on. There was no way Percy wanted her there. Sally hadn't seen the look Percy had given her in the hallway. "Thanks Sally," Annabeth said, trying to smile at her.

"I'll see you soon, Annabeth!" She walked off with a wave.

There was a brief pause. "Are you sure Percy isn't your boyfriend?" asked Bobby.

Annabeth rubbed her temples. "Very, very, very sure Matthew."

"I'm not Matthew! That's Matthew!"

The next day at school, Annabeth kept trying to hide from Percy. She didn't want to see the obvious distaste on his face when he saw her and accused her of conning his wonderful mother into inviting her to his swim meet. Sally had insisted, and some small part of Annabeth did want to go, but she didn't really think that Percy wanted her there. Maybe they had been friends, but after the way he had acted all last week, Annabeth wasn't so sure.

She waited an extra long time to pack up her stuff from English before going to lunch so she wouldn't have to cross paths with Percy at the front of the school. Annabeth hadn't really paid that much attention to his schedule… she had just happened to notice where he was during lunch some days. Just as Annabeth left the classroom, she saw Luke hovering next to the door.

Annabeth's eyebrows raised. She still hadn't texted him back, or talked to him at all since the dance disaster. But he saw her and popped over, a bright smile on his face. "Hey Annabeth! Do you wanna get lunch?"

Annabeth gave Luke a quick once-over: his button up shirt and khakis, leather loafers and pristine black backpack. Not a single lock of blonde hair was out of place on his head. His eyes were bright and blue. He used to drive her absolutely insane.

"I'm OK, thanks. I'm getting lunch with Piper," Annabeth said, tossing a smile over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway.

"I don't know Beth. I think you should come to the meet," Piper said, tapping her nails on the linoleum table of the restaurant. A different diner, but a little like Aunty Em's and closer to Piper's house. They had decided to meet up that night for dinner to 'work on APUSH', but their work had long been cast aside. "I think you're over-exaggerating about what Percy thinks of you."

"Piper, did you see how he looked at me when we were all talking yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"After you guys left he said bye so fast! He hates me, Piper. He doesn't want me there. His mom was just being nice."

"Annabeth, what's your class rank?"

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "First."

"Right. You're too smart to be freaking out over something like this," Piper leaned back and took a sip of her Coke. Annabeth mirrored her with a sip of diet. She knew that Piper was right— she shouldn't be stressing out about this, but she hated when people talked about her rank. It was an odd thing for people to fixate on about her, and it felt like the only thing they knew about her. "Percy may have been a little made, but don't read too much into it," Piper reassured.

"He was mad?! I hate that."

"Girl, slow down. I just said maybe."

"But it's a possibility."

"Everything is a possibility. It's a possibility he's been in love with you since seventh grade," Piper's eyes sparkled, "or that he thinks you're an ugly troll and is mooching off you for free tutoring."

"Oh god, okay, I get it. I'm being crazy."

"Right!" Piper grinned, looking rather pleased with herself. "Come to the meet. It's going to be fun. Besides, I'll be there to cheer on Jason. Make a sign for Percy."

"A sign?"

"Yeah! Like, uh, swim fast!"

"How about I make you a sign? I think you're going to need some help with Jason's if that's all you have," Annabeth giggled.

"Sounds great," Piper said. "So you are coming."

"I guess."

"Hmm, good enough. Want me to drive you?"

"Really? That would be great."

"Yeah," Piper shrugged. "They all have to be there at like, seven, to warm up and I don't know about you but I won't be showing up for several more hours. Jason said the races don't start until a bit later, anyway."

"Okay. Sunday?"

"Sunday. Too late to back out now, Beth."

Annabeth groaned. "He hates me, Piper. I swear to God."

Sunday rolled around like a ticking time bomb in Annabeth's stomach. She still hadn't talked at all with Percy besides seeing him in the hallway once or twice, so she didn't even really know if he knew that she'd be there at the meet on Sunday. She should've texted him or something, Annabeth kept thinking, but she didn't. She was just too scared.

Finally, on Sunday morning at 8 AM Piper pulled outside her apartment complex.

Piper: Wake up sleepyhead

Piper: I'm here beeb

Annabeth had been up since six AM because she wanted to exercise and also couldn't stop thinking about how nervous she was to have to face Percy, but Piper didn't need to know that.

Annabeth: Ok coming!

Annabeth grabbed her bag and stuffed it with a few essentials: a water bottle and a protein bar to eat later, then walked into the kitchen to slip on her shoes.

Her dad was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading The New York Times. "Headed out, honey? Know what time you'll be back?"

Annabeth shrugged. "No. I'm getting a ride with Piper so it's basically whenever she wants to."

He took a sip of his coffee. "Really quick before you go— your mom called. She's coming back to town in a couple weeks and wants to see you."

The thought of seeing her mother made Annabeth's stomach turn, but she just tried to smile. "Okay. That's fine." She grabbed her stuff and sprinted out of the apartment before she had to talk to her father for any longer.

Piper's old Honda Pilot was waiting outside. When Annabeth walked out she grinned and flashed the lights.

When Annabeth first learned about Piper's dad, she thought that Piper would have driven a Porsche or even a BMW, but that meant she didn't know Piper too well yet. Piper hadn't even wanted a car in the first place since she lived in the city, but he had insisted, so Piper got a boxy red SUV that she lovingly referred to as Albert.

The inside always smelled like sunscreen, but Annabeth loved the car. Piper didn't use it all the time, but there were good memories here, especially from the summer when Piper and Annabeth had just learned to drive.

Piper was lounging in the driver's seat and music was already blasting out of the speakers. "Took you long enough," she teased.

Annabeth rolled her eyes and slid in. "I'm surprised you showed up on time."

"What can I say? I'm excited to see Jason in a Speedo."

"Of course you are."
"Hey— it's a very legitimate reason."

"I'm not denying you that."

Piper laughed. "Will you Maps this place for me?"

"Sure," Annabeth said, taking Piper's phone from her. "Where is this place, anyway?"

"New Jersey," Piper said, wrinkling her nose. "Do you have the signs?"

"Of course." Much to Piper's chagrin, Annabeth had made the signs— spending more time on them than she would have liked to admit.

They pulled up to the aquatic complex about an hour later, after a car ride mostly spent talking about Piper and Jason. If Piper knew how Annabeth was feeling, which she had almost certainly picked up on, she didn't mention it. And Annabeth was grateful. In her head, over and over, she just needed to tell herself that Percy probably wouldn't care and he'd be swimming the entire time, so it would be fine.

Well— Annabeth was ready to get a crash-course in swim meets. She had expected to have a little time with Piper to roam around and find the pool, but the second they got out of the car and started walking towards the pool building, a tall blonde boy who looked suspiciously like Jason started speedwalking over, with someone who looked like Percy in tow. Shit.

"Hey!" Jason gave Piper a hug and shot Annabeth a nod. "Thanks for coming up here, guys."

"Of course," Piper gushed. Jason was wearing some sort of elongated parka that Annabeth had seen on swimmers before, and beneath it, nothing but a speedo. Annabeth could have sworn she saw Piper's eyes flash as she took in Jason's abs and toned body.

"Hey Annabeth," said Percy, sidling up next to her.

Annabeth's mouth went dry. He offered her a cordial sort of nod of the head, his eyes dancing over her briefly before they focused on a spot on the ground. Percy was in similar attire to Jason and Annabeth had to force herself not to look at his very, very toned abs, and instead focus on things like the ground and sky. She wanted to draw her arms around herself and squeeze so that she could just disappear. A week of silence and anger, and now this? He walks up to her like nothing happened? "Hey Percy. How are you?"
"I'm fine. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah," Annabeth tucked an unruly curl behind her ear. "I saw your mom. In Noodles."

"She told me about it."

"Oh. Cool."

None of the ease of before, now that something had set in. Annabeth knew it wasn't just the dance disaster of the week before. No, there was a little something more going on that Percy wasn't telling her about, and his face wasn't really betraying anything. "How was warmups?"

He shrugged. "Same as usual. My first race starts up pretty soon. Wanna come watch?"

Involuntarily, Annabeth's heart thudded in her chest. "I'd like that."

They trailed behind Jason and Piper, who were walking ahead holding hands and talking animatedly. "So, how do meets work?"

Percy laughed, and Annabeth's stomach twisted a little. She cast him a quick glance and found that he looked very, very nice when he laughed. Combined with his outfit… "That's a complex question."

"I'm a complex girl."

"That, I believe," Percy said, opening the door for her. "Basically, you're signed up for different races— the 50 meter freestyle, 200 butterfly, like that—"

Annabeth gasped as she suddenly remembered something she had forgotten inside the car. "I'm so sorry Percy, but I need to run back and grab something I forgot in the car. Piper? Can I have your keys?"

Piper spun around. "Sure, why?"

"I forgot something," Annabeth said, trying to hint through her eyebrows and blinks that the signs she'd spent so long on were still in the car. "I won't miss your first race, will I?" she asked Percy.

"Probably not," he said. "Want me to go with you? It's kind of a maze to get there and you might get lost."

Annabeth shook her head. "I'll figure it out. Sorry! I'll try and get back as quickly as I can. I don't want to miss it."

Percy smiled at her. "Don't worry about it."

Annabeth smiled back. "I'll be fast. Will you take my bag?"

"Sure. I'll set it with my mom's stuff."

And just turning to run back to the car, Annabeth could feel herself being forgiven. Maybe it wasn't complete forgiveness, and maybe Percy didn't even realize what he was doing. But it felt better. She hated how awkward it was around them because she knew just how easy it could be. And all Annabeth felt like doing right now was getting that ease back.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks so much for reading! Plot is starting to head in a new direction. Any guesses for what Annabeth wrote on Percy's sign?

I also want to send out an ENORMOUS THANK-YOU for the thoughtful and kind reviews that you all have been leaving me. It feels so wonderful to read reviews and know that people appreciate the story and think about it as critically as I do. This isn't an easy story to write because it does deal with some hard topics! I try and think carefully about how I portray eating disorders because I want to make it feel as realistic as possible.

As the story continues I'm hoping to dive into further facets of eating disorders, but until then, I hope you all are able to see the ways in which an eating disorder has affected Annabeth and other characters in the story.

Thank you so, so much. It means so much to me that you have taken time out of your day to read this.

Emily