If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

Song of the Chapter: Nobody by Mitski

I've been big and small and
Big and small and
Big and small again
And still nobody wants me
Still nobody wants me

Annabeth sprinted to the lot, cursing herself for forgetting the sign. Just when things were going well with Percy, she had to sprint back, and she might even miss his race. No, she thought to herself, I'm absolutely not going to miss it. I just have to be quick.

She reached Piper's car and unlocked it. Maybe I'll burn a few extra calories. She snatched the signs quickly and tucked them under her arm, doubling back around to make it back to the aquatic center.

When Annabeth entered through the door she had come in with Percy just a moment before, it all looked the same. The hallway split off into two long corridors, both long and lit with sporadic fluorescent lights. Annabeth bit her lip, unable to remember which direction they had gone. In a spur of the moment decision, she went to her right and sprinted down the hallway, hoping to see where they had gone.

It took far longer to find the pool than she would have liked. That first turn spilled over into another long hallway, with offices on one side and lockers on the other. Annabeth sprinted back and tried to go the other direction, and by the time she was finally able to find the pool, she was sure that she had missed his race.

Annabeth swung open the door to the pool, feeling out of place in her jeans and sweatshirt compared to so many swimmers with caps and Speedos on. But her eyes narrowed in on the starting blocks, barely paying attention to the masses of people in her way and the waving overhead lights. She would have seen him from a mile away.

There Percy was, slipping his goggles on and shaking out his shoulders out, preparing to step on the block. Her breath caught in her throat. Annabeth had seen Percy's body before. She remembered it from camp when they were kids, the long afternoons spent at the lake, Percy diving around and swimming in it incessantly, challenging her to races that he always let her win. Even now, she could still picture Percy splashing Grover while he sat on the pier, then ducking underwater and seeing how long he could hold his breath before Annabeth swam in just to make sure he wouldn't pass out.

The Percy of those camp summers was gone, and a new Percy stood in his place. Annabeth had always known that Percy had been in shape— it had never really been a secret. But now it was cast out in front of her: the lithe stretch of his arms and legs, sculpted torso, and tan skin. He looked… like the sculptures of Greek athletes she had seen in her history books. He looked unreal.

It lasted a moment— her look at him. Just long enough for the countdown buzzer to begin, springing Annabeth into action. She pushed forward until she was as close to the pool edge as she could get. Percy was in the center lane, still staring straight ahead at the water and shaking out his arms. Before she knew what she was saying, she yelled "Percy!"

His head snapped over. Annabeth regretted it instantly. She was distracting him, just before an important race. He needed to be in his headspace, and she'd taken him away, probably damning the result of the race.

But she wasn't prepared for the huge smile that spread across his face when he took her in. She waved her sign at him, cheeks reddening. He bit his lip as he read over the sign she held in her hands and smiled even wider.

Annabeth nodded back at him, a slow, steady smile spreading across her face. She had puzzled over what to put on the sign for ages. Something stupid like swim fast? Or make bubbles? But late last night, the answer had slipped out of her as easily as water flowing down a river. She'd decorated mostly using blue, but had also been lucky to find a sea-green color that just about matched Percy's eyes. It was all written in big bubbles letters with bubble and wave decorations, and even a little octopus waving hello.

Seaweed Brain. Of course. There was nothing else she could have possibly written on it.

Percy's head snapped to attention as an announcement came out of the loudspeaker. "Men's 200 meter freestyle. Heat 1…"

The voice and calls of the referee faded away as Annabeth focused on Percy climbing up on the block, bending down to grip its edge and prepare himself for the race. She was used to the Percy who was constantly moving, always tapping a finger on the table or playing with something in his hands. She'd never seen him like this: so focused, so perfectly still.

If only he would be like that when she tutored him in math, she smiled to herself. Her heart warmed a little at the thought.

But her eyes circled back around to Percy, as he stared at the water before him, muscles tensed and ready to propel themselves off the block. Distantly, she could hear the starting clock beep, and her breath caught as the swimmers flung themselves into the water.

If Annabeth had been paying attention to the rest of the people swimming, she might have thought this race was crazy, even chaotic. The other boys were slamming their arms down on the water, kicking their legs so they could beat the water back like they held a grudge. But not Percy.

He became a single, solid mass, whose sole purpose was to move himself through the water. He belonged there. Annabeth could tell. He looked so graceful, and she didn't know how he managed it. Percy slid through the water like it was creating a pathway for him to go through. She watched him kickflip as he reached the wall and make his way back, a half body ahead of any other swimmer, before he spun around again to start the next section of the race.

Annabeth's eyes trained on him the entire time. As one of the boys to his right began to slightly speed up, her breath caught and her fist clenched. She wanted to yell, but there was no chance he would've heard her, so her screams died in her throat as she watched him, completely captivated and unable to focus on anything else.

It was in the last 25 meters of the race that drove it home to Annabeth. Percy had been just slightly ahead of the boy to his right for several paces now, but as they neared the finish line Percy propelled himself ahead, to touch the wall and—

Annabeth could hear herself yelling out and jumping up and down, watching as Percy ripped off his swim cap and goggles and spun in the water to find her, to look straight at her, grinning like his life depended on it, the water running down his face and his eyes bright and playful, with none of the anger she had been so used to seeing. Suddenly, an announcement poured over the loudspeaker.

"We want to congratulate Percy Jackson and Adrian Kouros for both beating the state record in the men's 200 meter freestyle. Kouros beat the current record by .19 seconds, but Jackson ended up winning the race and clearing the record by .58 seconds. Congratulations, boys!"

If Percy had been smiling before, that was nothing compared to what he did now. Annabeth thought she heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Percy's Coach Hedge impressions yelling somewhere a few feet away, but she blocked that out to focus on the boy who was now pulling himself out of the pool, then walking over— walking over to her.

If there had been noise before, it suddenly felt silent. Percy was striding over to her and every bad thing Annabeth had ever done to him— every snappish comment or ungrateful action— suddenly crowded her head. She didn't deserve this. Not him. Not with who she was, not how she looked, not how she acted. Not Percy.

He stopped suddenly a foot away from her, ignoring the people waiting to congratulate him. From the way he had been walking, he looked like he had been about to crash straight into her, but he had stopped, cocking his head and giving her a look. "You made it back."

And despite Annabeth knowing that she didn't deserve Percy Jackson, not with everything he was— so kind and patient and funny with her, when she was awful— she didn't care. "Of course I did."

And that was it. Percy broke out into a smile and gave her a hug. A real hug, even though he was still dripping water and getting it all over Annabeth's clothes, but she didn't really care because there was Percy, and he was right in front of her, and there was nowhere else she would have wanted to have been in that moment.

He whispered in her ear, "I knew you'd make it back."

She didn't know what to say. "Congrats, state champ."

He gave her a low laugh that sent shivers down her spine, then pulled away. Annabeth let out a quick breath, blush scarring her cheeks. Now that he had pulled away, the situation cast itself before her: Percy's near-nudity, the throngs of people surrounding him, Coach Hedge, who now looked like he wanted to throw his clipboard into the pool with joy. Annabeth stepped back and let out an exhale. Jesus Christ. What on Earth had just happened?

Percy was now distracted, talking to his coach and some swimmer from another team. While he was occupied, Annabeth walked off, debating between finding Piper and clearing her head with all that had just happened. She didn't see Percy glance behind her to see her gone, his eyes wide as he searched for her blonde head in the crowd, just catching a glimpse of her hair as she disappeared.

Annabeth found Piper, Sally, and Paul eventually at the top corner of the bleachers. They had a great view of the pool from where they were and were high up enough that they managed to avoid the nasally shouts of all the swimmer moms. Still a little shaken over what had happened, Annabeth tried to give them her most convincing smile as she took a spot next to Piper.

"Hey Annabeth!" Sally gave her a smile. "Paul and I are going to go down and congratulate Percy, but we'll see you here in a bit."

"Hi Mr. Blofis," Annabeth said. "Sorry. Paul."

Annabeth's favorite English teacher gave her a smile. "How are you doing, Annabeth? Really nice to see you."

"I'm good! I got to watch Percy's race from down there and it was really awesome," Annabeth blushed. Quite the understatement.

"Ooh, I'm jealous," said Sally. "We'll be right back, girls. Don't run off!"

"Bye Mrs. Jackson," Piper said, smiling up at her. The couple walked off and Annabeth sunk into her seat. "So," Piper said, a knowing smile on her face. "How's it going?"

Annabeth shrugged. "It's good."

"Hm."

"Hm what?"

"Just hm."

"Piper."

"I'm just wondering if there's something you aren't telling me."

"Like what?"

"Like, I have a great view up here and even though I was definitely just paying attention to Jason as he swam in the warm up lane when I was watching the 200 meter freestyle I happened to notice Percy got out of his lane right after he won— beat the record, by the way, you probably heard— and got up and walked over to you and gave you a very friendly hug by the looks of it. But that's none of my business," Piper said, training her eyes back to the pool and a specific blonde swimmer just now getting out of the pool.

"And I assume you want me to tell you about it, no?"

"Oh, it's okay. I already saw everything I need to know," Piper grinned wickedly. "Did he like the sign?"

"I think so? He didn't mention it."

"Trust me. He likes the sign."

"Okay," Annabeth said. A warm feeling settled into her stomach. "You really think so?"

"Obviously. The smile on his face could like up an MF Christmas tree. Look at him now," Piper said, pointing towards Percy on the edge of the pool deck. He was standing with Sally, Paul, and Coach Hedge, who was wearing a neon yellow polo shirt and clutching a clipboard to his chest like his life depended on it. Percy was grinning widely as he scanned the room, and even just seeing him made Annabeth's stomach twist.

She took a deep breath. No. She couldn't. No.

But why? Why not?

Annabeth scanned the room around her, a new feeling settling into her chest as she looked at all the bodies around her. Swimsuits left nothing to the imagination, and these girls were beautiful. They were thin and lithe and strong at the same time. Annabeth thought of her spin classes and bit her lip. She could never compare to that. Percy spent time with them constantly. If that wasn't his standard of what a girl should look like, he was crazy.

Annabeth wanted to fold into herself, suddenly thankful she was wearing a sweatshirt. When Percy had hugged her, had he felt how fat she was? Had he felt the extra parts of her body padding her arms and waist and hips? How had he even managed to hug her?

Annabeth bit her lip, this time to blink back tears as she cast another look around the room. She didn't know what she felt for Percy right now. Exploring it terrified her. Being around him terrified her, but she wanted to be with him— all the time. Constantly. But he could never want her? Why would he— with all these beautiful girls around him, with options like Rachel and Drew?

So she would have to settle for being friends with him. The word felt bitter in her mouth.

Percy eventually made his way back up to the bleachers and shrugged on the same parka from earlier, with Jason in tow. Piper grinned at both of them. "Hey," she smiled. "Congrats on the record."

"Thanks," Percy responded, his eyes glancing at Annabeth. "S'nothing." The tips of Percy's ears reddened, as Annabeth forced herself to look away from his bare torso, though the rest of his body was thankfully partially hidden by the huge parka. "What'd Coach Hedge have to say?" she asked.

Percy shrugged, sitting down next to her. Annabeth resisted the urge to scoot away, so he wouldn't have to sit next to her. "Same old. There's a UT scout here."

Jason's eyes widened. "No way. Are you serious?"

"Yeah. He was talking to me down there."

"That's great, bro!"

Percy grinned, the tips of his ears reddening. "Yeah."

From the little that Annabeth knew, UT Austin had one of the best men's swimming programs in the entire country. "That's great, Percy!"

He shrugged. Jason rolled his eyes, then turned to Piper. "Wanna go get something to eat?"

Annabeth wanted to chain her friend to her seat, just so she wouldn't be alone with Percy. But Piper just shot her a teasing look and stood up, slipping her hand into Jason's. "Sure!"

For a moment, it was awkward. Annabeth couldn't look at him without thinking of the hug. Percy must have felt the same way, because he stared forward with his lips slightly open like he was debating what to say.
Just a few seconds after Piper and Jason had gone off, Annabeth knew she had to break the tension. "You ever miss camp?"

Percy's face broke into a grin. "Are you kidding me? All the time."

"No way. You didn't."

Annabeth laughed. "I'm not kidding."

"Your first kiss was Lee Fletcher?"

"I thought you knew! At the camp dance, on the last night."

Percy scoffed. "I knew you were dates, or whatever, but not that!"

She smirked. "Yeah. It was behind the Big House, and we did it really fast because right then Chiron came around looking for any wayward campers."

"I can't believe I didn't know! I thought you would've told me. We were like, best friends back then," Percy pouted.

"I can't remember why I didn't tell you! I think I thought you'd be mad," Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "And it was like, the last day before camp was over. And I left for San Francisco right after."

"Oh. San Francisco."

"Yeah," Annabeth muttered. "That was a weird year."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't always know. I thought it was going to be more fun than it was. I had an idealized version of my mom in my head that got challenged pretty quickly. I hated where I went to school. Stuff like that." Not a lie. Just not the full truth— but enough so that Percy wouldn't ask again, enough so that he wouldn't ask her anything else about what happened to her that year.

Percy was quiet for a minute. "You know, if you ever want to go back to camp, I'm going to be a counselor there this summer. You should look into it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's great. I couldn't do it for these last few years because of swimming, but I managed to work something out— basically, I have to train and go to meets, it's this whole thing— but they're letting me go."

"You'd be such a good counselor!"

"You would too," Percy said, turning to face Annabeth. His eyes caught her and she couldn't look away. He looked like he was about to say something more, but— "Look into it. Tell me what you think."

Something was lodged in Annabeth's throat. "I will."

Percy glanced up at the clock. "Oh shit."

"What?"

"My race is starting," he said, standing up and shaking off his parka while simultaneously trying to jam his swim cap on. Annabeth tried not to laugh at him, his hair sticking out under the cap and poking out around his ears. "I gotta blast."

"Which one?"

"Two fly!" Percy said, sprinting off towards the starting block.

"Okay," Annabeth muttered. "I don't know what two fly is."

Piper was walking up the stairs towards her. "Hey," she said, taking a seat. "How was talking to Percy?"

"Fine," Annabeth said, trying to find Percy in the crowd. She'd lost him after he'd reached the steps. ""Where's Jason?"

"He's racing. He and Percy are in the same heat."

"Ooh."

Piper laughed. "Wanna bet?"

"What are they, racehorses?"

"If Percy wins you ask him out."

"What? No."

Piper cast her a quick glance. "Will you just do it anyways?"

"Piper!"

Piper grinned and cast her glance back towards the pool. "Just trying to have some fun."

Annabeth could finally pick Percy out of the crowd— he was back in the center lane readjusting his swim cap. Jason was two lanes over, and next to Percy was the same kid he had raced with before, Adrian Something. The timer went off and the swimmers boarded the blocks, leaning forward and gripping the edges with white knuckles. The announcer counted them down.

"Three… Two… One!"

They flew gracefully into the water, and Annabeth's breath caught as her eyes stayed trained firmly on the boy in the center lane.

When they finally left the aquatic center several hours later, it was completely dark. Annabeth was hanging behind a little with Sally, talking to her about the wedding, as she passed through the door Percy held open for her.

Sally tossed her son the keys. "Percy, Paul and I can drive back in the Mini. Wanna drive Annabeth back in the Prius?"

"Oh," Annabeth said, "No, it's okay. I was going to go with Piper." But even as the words left Annabeth's mouth, she realized that Piper just wanted to hang out with Jason. She cast her friend an awkward look.

"Oh, Percy can drive," Sally said cheerfully. "He's not completely incapable."

"Mooooom."

Sally laughed. "Is that okay, Annabeth?"

Annabeth was lucky it was dark, because her face was bright red. "Uh, sure?"

Percy looked at Piper and Jason. "Wanna go somewhere to eat and then head back?"

"Sounds good," Jason replied.

"We'll get going then," said Mr. Blofis/Paul. Annabeth wasn't sure if she'd be able to stop calling him Mr. Blofis. He was still her English teacher in her head.

"Bye Mr. Blofis, bye Sally!" Annabeth said, smiling as she tried to conceal how absolutely terrified she was to drive back with Percy. Alone. "Thanks so much for inviting me."

"Bye Annabeth," Sally said with a mischievous glint in her eye, the one that Annabeth had always noticed in Percy. She took Paul's hand in her own and walked across the lot.

Percy tossed the keys up and caught them, bouncing on his feet. "I'll go grab the Prius. It's parked kind of far away, so you don't have to come."

"I don't mind walking. I can come."

"No, it's fine," Percy said, dropping his backpack and taking off. Annabeth grimaced. Alright. That was odd.

Piper and Jason were still there. "I can wait with you, Annabeth," Piper said, smiling at her.

"No, it's fine. You can go with Jason. It's your car, anyway."

"You sure?"

Annabeth tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Yeah."

"Awesome. We'll be right back."

They took off across the lot. Annabeth let out a breath. She wasn't sure if she was excited or terrified at the prospect of driving back with Percy. The rest of the meet had been fun— he'd swam really well, from the little swimming knowledge that Annabeth had. They'd hung out and it had still been a little awkward, with the residue of their earlier argument (if that's what it had been) still slipping off. But it had gotten better over time, so Annabeth was happy she had come.

But now? She had been looking forward to driving back with Piper, to just get a small break. Even if she hadn't been swimming, the meet had been kind of taxing. Annabeth hated seeing all the bodies around her, and she'd sat around them for hours. But at least they were out of the aquatic center now, and able to breathe air that wasn't inundated with chlorine.

She let out a breath and her exhale turned into fog. Annabeth silently prayed Percy would hurry up and come back with a warm car. The door behind her slammed open and Annabeth glanced behind her.

It was that boy, Adrian, the one who had been swimming neck and neck with Percy all day. He was with no one, and only wearing his parka over a pair of basketball shorts and no shirt. Annabeth only spared a quick glance at his well-muscled chest before staring back at the lot before her.

He started walking forward, and surprised her when he stopped, standing right next to her. He was holding a pair of car keys and tossing them casually between his hands. But he didn't walk towards the lot, just standing there with Annabeth. Her heart thundered in her chest. What was he doing? Annabeth looked straight ahead and prayed Percy was a fast walker.

After a minute, Adrian let out a low whistle. "I can't believe how dark it gets now."

Annabeth's heart sped up. "Yeah." What on Earth was he doing?

"You enjoy the meet?"

"Just there for a friend."

"Huh. I've never seen you at these before."

Annabeth tried to make her voice sound stronger than she felt. "It was my first."

"Who'd you come for?"

Just then, a pair of headlights turned a corner and sped towards them. As they got closer, Annabeth could see it was a silver Prius, and inside it, Percy. She almost gasped in relief. "He's right there," she said, pointing at the car.

Percy parked haphazardly next to the curb and popped out. "Hey Kouros."

"Jackson," Adrian said, his lip curling. He didn't look nearly as attractive when he did that. "You brought her?" he said, jerking his head at Annabeth.

Percy's voice was stony, and his eyes were a hard glare pointed directly at Adrian. Even when he had been angry at Annabeth, he had never looked quite that… scary. "That's Annabeth. Speaking of which— you ready to go?"

Annabeth leaped into action, from where she had been frozen. She grabbed Percy's backpack and tossed them in the backseat of the Prius before sliding into the passenger seat and shutting the door. Just as she did, she heard Adrian call "Bye Annabeth," before he slunk off towards the lot.

Percy slipped into the driver's seat and gunned it out of the lot. "Fucking dick," he said. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine. He wasn't bothering me."

"You sure?"

Annabeth paused. "No. He was."

"Thought so."

"I didn't want to talk to him."

Pause. "I hate that guy."

Annabeth tried to laugh, but it came out like a cough. "I could tell." Percy didn't respond as he continued driving. "What about Jason and Piper?"

"Oh," Percy said, his grip on the steering wheel relaxing. "Call them, maybe. Let's just meet at McDonalds, maybe?"

Annabeth wrinkled her nose. "Can't we do better than McDonalds?" Annabeth had already reviewed their menus before, and she knew there were very, very few healthy options. At best she'd be eating a kid's applesauce and that would probably confuse Percy and Piper in a way that she didn't really need.

Percy scoffed, looking almost offended. "What? Better than McDonalds?"

"Oh come on!" Annabeth bickered lightly. Percy was one of the only people who brought out this part of her— the light, casual humor. "What about Chipotle?" Much easier to control for eating. She'd be able to get a bowl and slip by without much suspicion.

Percy considered it. "Fine. But I'm getting you to McDonalds one of these days."

Annabeth scoffed while she texted Piper where to meet. "In your dreams, Jackson."

"I can make it happen," he said. He was going pretty high over the speed limit but Annabeth didn't mention it.

"What's the deal with that kid?"

"Who?"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Adrian."

"You mean Kouros?"

"Whatever. That one who was there."

"Talking to you."

"Yeah. That one. What's his deal?"

Percy shrugged. "He's irrelevant." Annabeth fell silent, waiting for him to keep talking. If she knew Percy, she knew he'd start talking eventually. "He and I are neck and neck constantly. Have been since freshman year. He's bitter because he's been swimming since he was a kid and I just showed up one day and was as good as him," Percy said it, but he was blushing. "He's always an asshole."

"He seems like it," Annabeth muttered. "I didn't like talking to him."

"Good."

They pulled into the Chipotle parking lot at a disturbingly high speed. It was silent when they parked, until Annabeth said "I thought you swam really, really well today. Thanks for letting me come." And she meant it. She meant every word. Even if it had terrified her, she had loved being there.

Percy smiled— a real genuine smile, like everything that had happened with Adrian was now fading away. "Thanks. I'm really, really happy you were there."

They sat there for a minute. Annabeth smiled back.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading! I have a feeling all of you who have been asking for Percabeth will like this chapter. Who's excited for the drive home?

Happy almost Thanksgiving!

Emily