Love Struck Delusion

Chapter 278 - You live just to die.

Raptor's POV.

Despite wanting to answer her question, I had to ask one of my own. Alicia stood maybe a foot away now and she knelt down to listen as I asked her in disarray.

"Are you real? I'm not just seeing things again right?"

My eyes watched as her right hand reached out to cup my chin. Her touch was warm as I felt my mind go numb after the fact. Giving me a soft smile, she replied with a side of snark to her response.

"I'm real. Now what's this about seeing things? You mean to tell me you hid more of yourself away while I was trying to comfort you back then?"

I couldn't speak again. Her voice was stumbling my every word as she went on to say.

"You should see yourself Raptor. Do you know that?"

"I…..I know what I am now baby." I tried to tell her back. Yet when I did she questioned.

"Do you? Right now you look like roadkill. I told you to stop fighting. None of this would have happened if you would have listened to me. Do you know what you did to our kids? What you did to Midnight?"

With tears exiting my eyes again, I replied.

"You have no right to question what I did. She was better off….?"

"She was better off alive!" Alicia never screamed louder at me. With it she hit me right across my face with a right hand that sent me into another dimension. When I reopened my eyes; I found her gone. Up until I heard her voice call out from behind me.

"Raptor look."

I struggled to turn around but when I did I rested my eyes on her. She was knelt down on both knees but between her stood my daughter Midnight. She was staring right at me with a frown that meant everything to me from that moment on. I was more focused on seeing her upset then what Alicia was about to say to me.

"You look her in the eyes and tell her she's better off like this."

Midnight was silent. Just staring at me as Alicia began to walk around me. Ignoring her request, I asked Midnight from the bottom of my heart.

"Midnight? You know I loved you with all my heart right?"

She kept silent which got me to feel a bit nervous for the answer. So raising my voice I shouted at her.

"You know I loved you right!? Answer me!"

"You killed me dad." She replied. Alicia leaned down at that moment to pick something up. I paid it no mind as Midnight's statement cut me in half. She kept it going by asking me.

"Why did you kill me dad?"

"I didn't want to!" I replied as my wife came back into my view. This time holding my gun. Midnight looked up to her as she was offered the weapon. I began to shake as instantly I ordered Alicia.

"What are you doing? Keep that away from her!"

"You don't get to tell us what to do anymore Raptor. You sealed that part of your past once you decided it was okay to kill your kids. Our kids."

Midnight's little hands took Shadow's M1911 from my wife. From there Alicia urged her with a small smile.

"Go on hon. Point it at daddy."

I was unsure of what to do other than scream out at them both.

"Alicia shut up! Midnight! Put…...put the gun down!"

She instead raised it on me. When the barrel lined up with my head Alicia said to her gently.

"Put your finger on the trigger now."

"Shut the fuck up!" Alicia ignored my anger and Midnight did as she was instructed. Once her finger curled around the trigger I began to try and crawl away. Alicia giggled as she saw me barely get a few inches. Once my arm gave out she ordered her.

"Now pull the trigger."

Unable to do anything other than beg, I yelled out in hopes she'd listen in the end.

"Midnight don't listen to her! I love you! I didn't mean to…..!?"

"BANG!"

I couldn't describe to you what happened next. I saw the gun go off. I saw the bullet leave the gun and I felt it as it snapped my head back like a twig. My whole body slammed back down to the ground yet I wasn't dead. A bullet between my eyes and I could still see everything. I just couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move my eyes. I just was laid out looking up as I began to hear footsteps.

In no less than a few seconds both Alicia and Midnight stood over my head. Both staring at me with two scary expressionless faces. They looked more like dead bodies than real people and with it I could only watch as my daughter knelt down to place the gun on top of my chest. Then together they vanished and I began to hear another noise being made.

I wanted to move so bad. I couldn't do anything other than think as the lights dimmed and the sound grew closer. In seconds Ghost stood there. Just looking me over. I couldn't say a word to him. I wanted to scream to the heavens but instead he reached in to pick up the gun Midnight had used to kill me. Once he had it he didn't hesitate. He just pointed it back down at my head and pulled the trigger.

This time I lost all sight after the second round entered my head. All the light disappeared, including my son. Instead I was all the sudden back where I was in the cave. I shot up from the dead to look around in so much fear I screamed when I saw the dead bodies of the wolves who once lived.

"Ahhhhhhhh! AGHHHHHHH!" I just started to scream. I was in so much pain and during my outbursts I found Shadow's M1911 on the ground next to my right side. It took every ounce of my being to pick it up once I saw it. But when I did I checked the ammo to find the two bullets that my kids shot me with still there in the clip. This had to be a sick dream I just witnessed. I had no other way to convince myself that all I just saw was a lie. It had to be a trick. I had to have passed out. It couldn't have been real.

As time kept on rolling, I began to hear the other dogs topside continue to rant and bark from the safety of their home. When I looked back down at my hands I saw the gun one more time and asked myself if this was it? Was I going crazy? Why couldn't I heal myself? Why couldn't I feel anything? Where did my powers go and where the hell was Marcus?

I refused to believe I was living a dream. There wasn't a way to understand it. I talked to that fox. I know he's real. I know this power is real. I know this has to be some sort of sick test. What the fuck was going on and why was he leaving me alone like this to suffer?

Unable to understand, I looked back to the gun and slowly brought it up to my chin. I wanted to do it so bad, but when it came to pulling the trigger I again felt this lack of energy hit me. With it I just fainted and felt myself as both the gun and I hit the rocks. My eyes rolled in my head from blood loss and once they had shut I heard a different voice call out to me from what sounded like above.

"Raptor?"

It was a woman. Another girl. I had no way of knowing who because it sounded so far away. When I managed to reopen my eyes I looked back up to see someone standing over the edge of the cliff looking down at me. It was impossible to know who. My vision was blurred and with nothing to do and no energy to call back at them, I just again shut my eyes and listened as my name was called one more time.

"Raptor?"

When I opened my eyes all I saw was black. I was confused more than anything. Unsure of what to do I went to move my legs to be shocked when I found they were both working. It stopped me in my tracks and I started to look around to find all my wounds were gone. I had the energy to move and the pain was all gone from before. Still in a disarray I muttered to myself as I looked back at the ground under my feet.

"What the…..?" My words were kept short when I looked back up to see a stunning gray female hedgehog staring right back at me. Then reality set in when my mind pinned down who she was and what she was to me. So much so that I stumbled backwards over my own two feet. Her hands reached out to me as she saw I was falling but it mattered not because I landed right on my ass. Her voice immediately called out to me asking with a soft chuckle.

"Oh my god! I'm sorry! Are you okay!?"

All I could do was shake in shock and reply.

"Julie?! What the hell are you….?! Why….?! Jesus fucking Christ!"

She looked at me now with a smile. Still somewhat laughing as she told me.

"I didn't think you'd be this surprised! I'm shocked you even remember me!"

I took that offensively and replied back in disgust.

"Of course I'd remember you! What the fuck!? You think I'd just forget about my wife!?"

Julie took a step up to kick me in the foot replying back at the same time.

"Well what would you think if you were me?! You seemed to have got on quite well with your love life since we parted ways!"

I couldn't tell if she was messing with me on purpose or if this was her trying to be a bitch. Knowing her I'd bet the latter. Her face held this nasty look to it up till I didn't have a response. Then she smiled and said to me while offering a hand.

"I'm just kidding. Don't give me that look. Come on. Get up. I didn't wait this long just not to hug you."

I felt this emotion leave my heart. One I haven't felt for a long time, but it came back to me the second I took her hand. Using what I had I got back on my feet and just stood there as she wrapped both arms around my back. Her head tucked into my neck and for a moment I heard her exhale and just breathe. I broke my stance once I heard her and lifted my arms to hug back. Once I was embracing her she told me deeply.

"God I missed you."

"I….I missed you too. That night….?" Immediately dashing back out of my hug, my ex wife pinned her lips to mine. Time felt like it had stopped as I felt my heart beating. Something I never really felt since this all started. When she pulled back she begged me.

"Don't talk about that. I don't want to remember. All I care about is right now. Do you hear me?"

I nodded my head and replied.

"Yeah."

Her smile came back and once more we kissed and embraced one another. After it was all said and done we hugged each other some more. That's when she noticed my ear and asked me.

"What happened to you? Your ear? The quills? You've changed in more ways than one since I last saw you Raptor."

"And you haven't changed a bit." I told her back as she chuckled and asked with more snark.

"I'm serious. What happened?"

Releasing her from my arms, I stepped back to reply.

"A lot. I don't think I have enough time to explain it all to you. You already know some of it. I mean with Alicia….?"

My eyes darted away from her as I muttered the name. Yet almost instantly she came back to my side to tell me.

"Don't say it like that. I'm not upset you managed to move on after what happened. How can I be? All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I'm just happy knowing that you found someone else. That you tried again."

Everything was coming back to me as I mumbled back to her.

"Not like it mattered. I…..I lost them. Just like I did with you and Abbey. I….? Ahhhhhhhh…..I got them killed. I….?"

Grabbing my hand from my side Julie ordered me.

"Stop. You didn't do anything. You tried. You did. I know you did. You always try Raptor."

Tears began to leave my eyes as I replied back in absolute sadness.

"They still were taken from me. I couldn't defend them. I killed Midnight. Just like…..just like….Abbey. I…?!"

Julie stopped her talking and proceeded to just hug me as hard as she could. It was enough to shut me up and she knew it. She held me for what felt like forever. When time became less of an issue she said to me.

"You did all you could. You should be proud."

"Proud?" I questioned as she went on to say to me.

"You're a better man than most Raptor. You've always been and it's taken everything from you to remain there. Why? Why are you still struggling to live?"

Her question dropped before me. I had to find the answer. She pulled back from me slowly. As I continued to put the words together, she took my hand and urged me to sit down with her. Once we were together on the floor I replied.

"I…..I have a debt to repay my father. I…..you don't know this, but I killed him too. I did so many bad things Julie. So many things and….?" Placing her hand on top of my wrist she cut me off to state.

"Actually Raptor….I know everything."

"What?" I questioned as she explained.

"It's hard to explain. But ever since…...ever since then I've been at your side. I watch you and…..and it's been hard watching trust me. But I couldn't do anything till now to help. I know about your father. I know about G.U.N. I know about Archer. Shadow. I know about the rebellion and what's going on right now with that. I know about all those deals you're making. I just don't understand why. Don't talk before I'm finished asking this Raptor. Okay?" She asked of me. I nodded once and listened as she then wondered.

"Between your father, the rebellion, , and losing Abbey and I. Between losing Alicia and the two kids you had together….why are you still fighting when your war is over and what your father wanted has come? You won. The war you've been fighting is finished. The country is safe and G.U.N is going to fix all that was lost. You've been fighting for this all your life…..I just don't understand why. What else is there left for you to do? You struggle living as it is right now. You don't even want to be alive. Yet you're pushing yourself to do more. More that you shouldn't have to do by yourself any longer. You've done so much good. Despite all the bad, you've changed our home and the world for the better. Don't you think it's about time you let it go and move on to the next life?"

"What next life?" I questioned as she calmly said back to me with two wet orbs.

"The afterlife. With me. With your daughter. You can't see it now but ever since we've been apart, I haven't been in pain. I haven't been sad. I've moved on and I've accepted my death. It's granted me so much. I've been able to stay with Abbey and I've been able to live a life that we couldn't have had anywhere else."

"The life you live isn't real Julie." I told her bluntly which got her to stop speaking. Pushing it more I said with a heavy heart.

"I know I want to die, but there is still so much left that I can do for the world. I just have to suffer through it."

"But why suffer when you can be free? When you can be with us again?" She asked me as I calmly replied back.

"Because after fighting all my life Julie I've come to see my reality. I'm not meant to live my life happy. It's not who I am. All I am and all I ever wanted to be was someone who could make the world better. Make my home better. No matter the cost. I can suffer easily when I know that my actions will lead to millions of others being granted that happiness I miss out on. And now that I'm a demi there isn't no stopping progress."

My wife was looking at me with a face I couldn't understand. She was trying to comprehend my motives and once she had gained an understanding she asked me.

"Do you really think you can be a god Raptor Voltz? You can barely handle living now. What will it be like in a hundred years?"

I silenced myself as she asked the question. Julie on the other hand knew she had a foot in my mouth so kept at it by asking me bluntly.

"Do you think in a hundred years once you've outlived Zeta and all your friends that you're going to be able to move on a fourth time? You're lying to yourself. You just tried to kill yourself before I stopped you. You can't handle being a god. You can't and you don't deserve it. It's a death sentence. The only way you can survive it is by shutting yourself off from emotion. Something I know better than anyone that you can't do."

"She was right about that. I knew the risks. I knew all she was telling me would happen. I knew it and I thought about it up till now. I just don't know one thing and that thing I asked her."

"How can I stop myself? How can I when I think I could have another chance? Zeta? That woman knows what she's getting into with me and I of her. Julie…..she loves me and I love her too. Same as I did for you and for Alicia. I think I could make this work."

"And if you can't Raptor? What then?" She asked me as I lowered my gaze. Julie grabbed my hand and began to squeeze it. I didn't fight back. I just focused on the question. I had no other answer for her but this.

"Then I don't know what love is."

Grabbing me tight Julie begged me.

"Don't give life another chance to hurt you Raptor. Listen to me."

Slapping me lightly under my left cheek, I looked back up into her eyes to listen as she begged me dearly with all her heart.

"Stop fighting."

"Julie…?"

Placing a hand down next to my side she shouted.

"Stop! I've waited too long and watched too much! Don't you love me?!"

"I do." I replied as she pulled up Shadow's M1911.

"Then please…..stop."

My eyes slowly looked to the gun and with it my mouth slowly opened to mumble.

"I…..I….I don't….?"

Julie was smiling in tears as she lifted the gun and placed it in between our hands. She handed it over completely to me but still kept a grip on my wrist. Looking me right in my eyes she cried to me softly.

"Stop hurting yourself. You've done more than enough. Stop fighting and come back home to me. I need you."

She helped me lift up the gun and as she did all that pain I thought I escaped came back all at once. Julie watched as my whole body shifted back to it's broken state. Almost immediately I disconnected my hands from her and began to scream in agony. She however came to wrap me up in her arms as I could only see Shadow's gun over her back.

"Stop all the pain Raptor!" She begged me as the world around me began to come back. Soon those dead wolves were around us and the rocks all reformed again. We were still in this fucking hole and above I could hear what sounded like gunshots. It barely mattered as Julie remained in my arms. Crying into my neck as I began to shake from the reality of it all.

"Stop it Raptor! Just come back home with me!" Julie's words were much like my pain. It increased in value the longer it stayed around. My mind forgetting about everything else other than those two things. My wife held me close and once I began to see my blood rolling onto her quills did I ask her in complete loss for what to feel was real.

"What will happen?"

Pulling back just enough for us to touch foreheads, Julie replied.

"We're going to go home. We're going to be able to be the parents we wanted to be. We can raise our daughter and we can be happy again. No more pain. No more…..?" My eyes were starting to fade again as she reached in to place her hand on my face. I let it happen and in a few moments she pulled her hand back showing me it was now covered in nothing but my blood. That's when she finished her statement.

"No more pain. No more torture. No more anger. You can rest. You can be happy. You just have to trust me. I want you to trust me Raptor. I want you back. I don't want to wait any longer."

My head fell back down to my side as I looked at the gun one more time. Julie's eyes widened as she felt me slowly trying to lift my hand up over her back. The gun came up once I had and then and only then she said to me.

"I love you."

Placing the gun to my head, I replied.

"I love you too."

mT Shadow.