If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0


SONG OF THE CHAPTER: RUNNING OUT OF TIME BY TYLER THE CREATOR

To make you love me
I wade in your water
The waves wash over me
I drift to the deep end, don't save, don't save, don't save
It's a low tide, I'll be fine, I found peace in drowning


CHAPTER DISCLAIMER: This chapter is especially intense with anorexia and compulsive exercise themes.

There are also slight sexual references.


The Monday after the wedding, Annabeth hadn't slept very well. That was her defining thought as she lay in early-morning dark, listening to the sounds of her father and Helen in the kitchen. They were laughing and talking quietly against the buzz of the espresso machine. It almost made Annabeth's heart ache. So she pushed the thought of her "family" away and thought about Percy instead.

Annabeth turned over in bed, wishing that she could will all the thoughts away and focus on the feeling of his lips on hers, his arms gently wrapped around her body. But that brought its own issues, primarily: Annabeth was terrified of his touch.

Not because it didn't feel good. In many ways, it probably felt too good. The night of the wedding, Annabeth could have stayed there forever. In that moment, she could have given herself over to Percy, almost completely.

But she couldn't do that. It was not a possibility for her.

Percy couldn't always tell when Annabeth wore clothing, but he would be able to tell what her body really looked like soon. He would see the things that she hated about herself, all that she pinched and tugged and pulled at, in the dark and in the light. She wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. Finally, her true self would be revealed to another person.
And he wouldn't like what he saw.

That was what Annabeth was thinking about as the sun slowly filtered through Brooklyn, its light spreading into her room and stretching across her, making Annabth's form and face visible.


She had to do something about it.

Annabeth couldn't let Percy go. She'd tried to be good these last few months— eating the right foods and not too much of them, exercising consistently— but that hadn't been enough. She had to be enough for Percy. Now, it was time for Annabeth to do more. She lay in bed and formulated her plan, something like hope fluttering in her chest.

Diets and ideas fluttered through her head. Whole30? Intermittent fasting? Paleo? There were far too many to choose from, but Annabeth had to make a choice, and quick. So she thought back to her rules sitting on the desk.


Moments later, Helen knocked on Annabeth's door. "You up, Annabeth? You're going to miss the subway!"

Annabeth shot away from her desk, cursing herself for getting so distracted. "I'm fine Helen, thanks," she muttered, quickly covering the rules and hoping that Helen hadn't seen anything. No one could ever, ever see the rules.

Checking the clock, she noticed that her train left in twenty minutes. There was still time for a breakfast according to her new standards and an outfit presentable enough for Percy.

As she flitted about her closet, throwing different articles of clothing aside, Annabeth considered the other interactions she'd had with Percy this weekend. She'd been absolutely giddy as her father drove her home after the wedding, which had continued for most of Sunday. She and Percy had been idly talking over text, but nothing more, for the rest of the weekend.

But as Piper began peppering her with questions about what had happened between the two of them, the happiness had dissipated and Annabeth had been left with fear and a sick, twisted feeling that made her stomach writhe.

She distracted herself by trying to find something to wear. Annabeth had never cared much for her clothes before, but now it felt like it was of the utmost importance. Eventually, she pulled out a pair of high-waisted jeans and tugged her belt tight, hoping to cinch her waist as much as possible. She topped it with a baggy sweater that wouldn't show too much form.

Annabeth stared critically in the mirror. It was… acceptable.


Monday, 6:30 AM. Breakfast. One apple (100 calories, ish) and two tablespoons peanut butter (200 calories, hopefully no more).

Annabeth made a mental note of her meal as she packed her schoolbag. It fit according to her new specifications that she would add to her rules sheet the moment she got home. She was already considering her lunch before her dad cleared his throat.

"Annabeth, I didn't ask you yesterday, but…"

"What?" Annabeth muttered, sparing him a glance as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Is there something going on with you and Percy?" Frederick asked, trying to act casual as he sent a nervous glance to his wife. And just with Annabeth's luck, Matthew and Bobby walked in just as the question came out of her father's mouth.

"Ooh, Percy?" Matthew grinned. "Annabeth's boyfriend?"

"Is he the one from the noodle place?" Bobby chimed in.
Normally Annabeth was a good liar, so she tried to harness those skills. "We're just friends." Her father and Helen sent each other knowing looks, and Annabeth narrowed her eyebrows, unwilling to let that slide. "What?!"

"Nice try, honey," her father grinned. "When that boy said goodbye to you at the wedding, even I could tell it from a mile away. Plus, Piper kept whispering about it on the ride back, and she isn't very quiet."

Annabeth groaned, "No, she isn't."

"I think it's cute," Helen smiled. "Percy is a nice boy, isn't he?"

"Uh, sure," Annabeth said as she gathered her things at lightning speed. There was no time to pack a lunch, anyway, and she'd rather end this conversation than have something to eat. Besides, it wasn't so bad that she was skipping. It fit well into her plan. "I gotta get going, and I'll see you all tonight."

Matthew and Bobby laughed and teased Annabeth while she sent them a glare. Just as she was about to leave, her father had one last thing to say.

"Oh, Annabeth. Before you go, your mother let me know that she's coming into town in two weeks. She's excited to see you."

The thought barely registered in Annabeth's mind, now more focused on seeing Percy at school. "Oh, okay."

Would he like what she was wearing? Would he care? Would he hate how she looked?

Or would he like her for who she was? Even if it was just a little bit?


At least, Annabeth thought to herself as she settled into her seat on the subway, Percy won't be on this subway ride.

She was proven wrong, instantly, as they reached Percy's stop and he boarded, sending her a cheeky grin as she sat down next to her. "Hey."

Alarm bells sounded in Annabeth's head. She was expecting a little bit more time to collect herself before she was forced to interact with Percy. Not nearly this soon! But he was here now, and it didn't seem like there was much to be done about it. "Hey. I thought you had practice?"

Percy shrugged. "I do."

"Aren't you going?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to be late, aren't you?"

"Just a little bit. It's worth it, though."

Annabeth's heart twisted at his words. Even though a smile spread across her face, and it felt nice to hear him say it, it only served to make her more stressed. "Well, I'm honored."

Percy sent her that beautiful smile again, and Annabeth's heart melted a little more. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe it would be fine.


Monday, 11:30 AM. Lunch. Nothing.

Annabeth's stomach was growling furiously as she and Piper stood in line at Whole Foods. Piper was talking about Jason, but Annabeth could feel the interrogation coming about Percy, and she wasn't looking forward to it.

"You sure you don't want anything?" Piper asked as they stepped up to the cashier. "I'll pay for it."

"I'm fine."
"No, really."

Annabeth really was starving. Unusually so. She cursed herself for being weak and grabbed a protein bar from the counter, setting it down next to Piper's pizza.


Monday. 11:33 AM. Lunch. Whole Foods Protein Bar. (200 cals, maybe?)

"So," Piper sent her a sly grin as she took a bite of cheese pizza. "What's going on with you and Jackson?"

"Well, that's quite a question, Piper."
"Isn't it?"

"Not a simple answer, either."

"Just tell me, Beth."

Annabeth sighed. The protein bar had helped fill her up but her stomach was still grumbling. Maybe talking to Piper would help distract her. "Well, it all started after I went to the bathroom after I talked to you…" and she quickly recounted the story about her and Percy, leaving out some of the more personal parts.

By the time she was finished talking, Piper's mouth was open in a shit-eating grin. "Well, well, well. Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson groping at his mother's wedding?"

"Piper!" Annabeth hissed. "There was no groping!"

"There was no what?"

Annabeth could have died. Right then, right there.

Because Percy, with Jason right behind him, was now looking down at the two of them with a grin to match Piper's. "Oh dear God," Annabeth muttered, hiding behind her arms as Piper cackled.

"Sit down Jackson, I want to hear your side of the story. Oh, and hey Jason."

"That's all I get, a hey Jason?" he grumbled.

"Well, you're cuter than Percy is, if that helps," Piper grinned back.

"Hey!" muttered Percy.

"Oh, don't worry. Annabeth is here to tell you that you're cute now," Piper shot back.

The attention was now back on her. Percy turned towards Annabeth with a very cute smile that she almost wanted to slap off his face. "What was that I heard about groping?"

"Literally," Annabeth shot back, "it was nothing."

"Not how I heard it," said Piper.

"Piper," said Annabeth through gritted teeth, "shut it."

They all laughed.


Piper and Jason left to "let the lovebirds do their grope-thing," (a comment Annabeth pinched Piper very hard for), leaving Percy and Annabeth alone in the Whole Foods.

"So," Percy asked. "Are you free to hang out next Monday? I'd ask to do it earlier but I'm really busy this week with practice and everything. Coach is making me stay late."

Annabeth's heart rate tripled. "Uh, probably. Why do you have to stay late?"

"Because I was late this morning."

"I still don't understand why you did that to yourself."

"I wanted to see you," he said simply.

"Okay, but whatever trouble you get in for doing it, I'm not liable, okay?" Annabeth sent him a little smirk.

"Coach doesn't know that."

"You'd dare throw me under the bus?"

Percy shrugged as he ate a chip, and Annabeth's eyes lingered on the chip bag. "Yeah, why not?"

"Percy, you shouldn't be going late to practice."

"You sound like my mom, Annabeth."

Annabeth scoffed. "I'm just looking out for your best interests."

"I know, and I like it," Percy grinned back. Annabeth couldn't take how it felt when he said stuff like that.

Percy stood up, offering her a hand. "I'm going to get something else to eat," he said, casually holding her hand as they walked back into the store. "You want anything else?"

"Oh, I'm fine," said Annabeth. At this point, her response was basically automatic.

He shot her a look. A long look. "You sure?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Okay. Not even a banana?"

"I'm okay, but thanks."


The moment Annabeth got home, she rushed up to her room to update the rules.

RULES:

300 calories per meal

1 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner

At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)

Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!

Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!

Drink at least 64 oz of water every day

Stay Consistent

No off days!

They provided a decent framework, but Annabeth knew that she could do better. She set down more specifications for the types of food that she was able to eat, along with restrictions on the times of day when she could eat. She had seen on the Internet several articles recommending intermittent fasting, and although she couldn't fully try it out, she could do her best to simulate it.

But most importantly, she wrote down a final, important rule:

If you don't absolutely need to eat, don't.

Remember, this is all for the goal. This is all for Percy. Normally, this thought would have motivated Annabeth, but now, it made her stomach feel a little sick. But she shoved her rules away and began to get ready for spin class.


Tuesday, 5:45 AM. Breakfast. One whole wheat tortilla (120 calories), 1 apple (100 calories, 1 small handful nuts (hopefully 150 calories).

Thankfully, as Annabeth rode the subway to school the next day, Percy didn't join her. She had been teased mercilessly by her younger brothers throughout the entirety of dinner the night before, and Helen had begun asking when Percy would join them for dinner.

Even if that was a disaster, hopefully Annabeth's new eating plan would work. She found herself wishing for a gap between her thighs, for her double chin to disappear, for the convex of her stomach to sink inwards.

But, as she reminded herself on the ride, good things come with time.


Wednesday, 11:45 AM. Lunch. Salad from home (no dressing, calories negligent), protein bar (200 calories), half of Percy's cookie (?!)

Annabeth was stressed about the cookie, but she found herself distracted as she and Percy spoke. He had invited her to lunch, and now the two of them sat in a coffee shop a little farther from Goode, just to avoid the peering eyes of their classmates. Annabeth wouldn't have said that they were dating, but it was definitely something… more.

If she just let herself focus on him when they were together, it was wonderful. There was no one she would have wanted to be around. But if she began to think of her eating, or her body, being around Percy felt like the most consuming thing in the entire world. But now, she tried to lose herself in his insane story about trying to cook for himself the first night after Sally and Paul left for their honeymoon.

"It's just mac and cheese," she laughed.

"Not just mac and cheese," Percy grumbled.

"I mean to really get technical, it's boxed mac and cheese," Annabeth shot back as Percy pouted.

"It's harder than it looks!"

"Do you want me to come over and show you how to do it?" Annabeth sent him a grin, her heart thudding.

Her risk paid off. He sent her an identical grin back. "Tonight at seven?"

"Deal."


Wednesday. 7:30 PM. Dinner. Annie's mac and cheese from Percy's (400 ish calories? Maybe?)

Annabeth's father had been fine with her going over to Percy's. Of course, she didn't mention that neither Sally or Paul would be present, as he probably would have minded. But it felt good to do something the slightest bit rebellious, and hanging out with Percy had been fun. So far.

They had danced around the kitchen, listened to dumb music and singing while Annabeth taught Percy the correct method for making boxed mac and cheese, of all things. She really didn't know how Percy had messed it up the first time, especially because Annabeth had been making herself Annie's boxed mac and cheese since sixth grade. Until San Francisco.

She would have preferred to eat something else, but she had seen the careful looks that Percy had been giving her as she ate. Annabeth now needed to prove to him that she was… normal. That her eating was fine, and so was she.

But why did it feel like she needed to convince herself?

She brushed the thought off as Percy finished his last serving of mac and cheese. Before he could pull her to him or kiss her or do something else that would truly make Annabeth lose her wits, she cleared the table and made her way to the kitchen to start doing the dishes. Percy followed, and soon he stood next to her.

It was hard to think with him this close. Annabeth's careful, calm thoughts fled her brain as she breathed in the scent of him. Chlorine, obviously, but some cologne to mask it. (Nice, Percy.) Or was that Old Spice deodorant?

They finished putting the dishes away. It was silent, but not awkward, until Percy caught Annabeth's arm as she turned to face him. Looking into Percy's eyes, Annabeth saw something… different. The same look that she had seen on the night of the wedding.

He kissed her lightly on the lips and then backed off. "Wanna go watch a movie?" His voice was low.

Annabeth nodded, but she was not focused on Percy's touch or his lips. She was thinking about how her body wasn't ready to be seen by Percy. Her throat tightened as she considered what he would think, but she let Percy lead her over to the couch anyway. She debated over the movie with him (Harry Potter vs The Conjuring), but her mind was somewhere else, and she almost felt like she was shaking under the stress.

Finally, Percy slipped in the DVD for the fourth Harry Potter film and leaned back against the couch. Annabeth slipped into his arms and tried to pay attention to the movie, but it was the last thing on her mind.

It didn't take long.

First, Percy shifted until Annabeth was pressed up against him, and her head lay on his shoulder. She could feel the cool weight of his breath on her face, but she tried to stare firmly ahead.

Percy's arm wrapped around her, and he leaned his head down to her cheek. "Is this okay?" he asked, his voice low.

And Annabeth tried to lose herself in the moment again. She thought about how it had felt at the wedding, how nice it was to be with him, just in that moment. She ignored all thoughts of her body and her eating and just tried to focus on who he was. She took a shaky breath.

And yes. It was okay.

"Yes," she said.

And then he kissed her. And Annabeth kissed him back, sinking into his body as he let her. She had missed this, already, even though it hadn't been long. He really was addicting. He always knew where to go, the right pace, and Annabeth was just there with him.

And it was all fine. It really was. Until his hands rested on her hips.

It was such a simple action, but it sent Annabeth reeling back. With the barest touch of Percy's fingers on a part of her that she deemed unworthy, she shot up and away from him.

"Annabeth?" Percy asked. "Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

Annabeth tried to steady her breathing. She wanted Percy. She did. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"We can stop. I don't want to pressure you."
"No, you aren't. Seriously."

"I'm really, really sorry Annabeth. Nothing has to happen, and I don't expect that or anything. Seriously, I don't."

Annabeth blinked back the tears at the corner of her eye and turned to face him. "Thanks. I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"If you're not ready, that's completely fine. Don't worry about it." Percy tried to smile at her, but Annabeth could tell that it was just a nervous grimace. His eyes flitted quickly over her, and then to his hands, like he had somehow injured her.

It almost broke Annabeth's heart. None of it was Percy's fault. It was her's.

She tried to settle back in and watch the movie, but Annabeth quickly found herself unable to focus. She still laid with her head on Percy's chest, but her mind wandered from the movie. Percy was distracted too— Annabeth could tell with just the nervous fidget of his hands.

Annabeth went home halfway through the movie, with a quick peck to Percy's cheek. He watched her go, even tracing her path as she left his apartment building, holding his hands to his chest like he had burnt her.


Saturday. 7:45 AM. Breakfast. ¾ cup Greek Yogurt (120 cals) with honey (60 cals) and fruit (negligent), protein bar after cycling class (200 cals).

Annabeth was unusually tired as she walked over to coffee to meet Piper. She'd felt motivated this morning and had gone to a 6 AM cycling class at the rec center, but she was now exhausted. The class hadn't been any more difficult than normal, but Annabeth's body had been unable to keep up.

But Annabeth refused to think more about it as she stepped inside Blue Hill and zeroed in on Piper, who was already curled up in an overstuffed armchair near the front, munching on a croissant. She waved her over and Annabeth took a seat, scanning the menu even though she had already decided not to order anything.

"Hey girl, how are you?" Piper gave Annabeth a bright smile.

Annabeth bit her lip. How was she, really? "Um, I've been okay. Percy and I had a kinda weird date Wednesday night."

"Really? What happened?"

But Annabeth couldn't tell Piper the truth about her freaking out at Percy's touch. She could put a name to the feeling that crept over her: shame. She should have been excited that he was interested in her, but instead, she was just terrified of what he would see. But she shouldn't feel that way. People like Piper and Rachel didn't feel that way— they didn't have bodies like Annabeth. "It, ah, it was just awkward. I don't know. One of those things that you can't really put into words."

Piper nodded emphatically. "No, I get what you mean. It felt like that with Jason and I at the beginning, but I think it's one of those things where when you become better friends it's not nearly as awkward."

"Yeah, I hope that's what happens."

"Have you talked since?"

"Yes, not a ton. He's been pretty busy, but we're going out again Monday afternoon. He finally doesn't have practice."

"Ooh, what are you doing?"

"I think we're going to Chelsea Market and the High Line."

Piper's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's going to be really fun! And hopefully it'll be a little less awkward. You guys just need to hang out more."

Annabeth nodded along, but she knew that was nowhere near the answer to her problem. Her stomach grumbled in agreement.


Monday. 11:30 AM. Lunch. One whole wheat tortilla with mustard and lettuce (130 cals). Salad (negligent). Handful of Piper's nuts and Leo's crackers.

Annabeth tapped her foot nervously against her desk as she glanced at the clock. It was English, her second to last class of the day, and she wasn't sure if she wanted it to end or not.

Because her date with Percy was coming up.

Annabeth couldn't wait to see him. Whatever she felt for Percy, she knew it was real, but Annabeth knew there was something else there: her body just wasn't good enough yet. The realization sunk into her as she stared forward, barely listening to a word out of the teacher's mouth.

Finally, the bell rang, and Annabeth shot out of her seat like a rocket to go to APUSH. But before she went, she heard someone call her name from behind her.

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth spun around and quirked an eyebrow. It was Hazel Levesque, the beautiful girl with dark skin and golden eyes. Annabeth's arms traced over her slim wrists before trailing back to her face. "Hey Hazel. What's up?"

"Are you okay? You look pretty pale."

Annabeth stretched a smile over her lips. "Oh, I'm fine. Just stressed, but thanks for checking in."

Hazel smiled back. "Of course."


History class was yet another waiting game, not at all helped by Piper constantly sending Annabeth winks and dumb notes when the teacher wasn't looking. It was fairly difficult to learn about the Great Depression when Piper kept whispering in her ear to 'get some of that Jackson ass.'

"I'm just saying," Piper said after the bell rang and Annabeth was spinning her locker combo, "you have the opportunity to—"

"Hey Annabeth, you ready to go?" Percy.

Eternally grateful that Piper was never allowed to finish what would certainly have been a ridiculously dirty sentence, Annabeth slammed her locker shut and sent Percy a grin. "Yes, let's go!"

He smiled back as she slipped her hand in his and they walked down the hallway. Annabeth took a deep breath. She liked Percy. This would be fine, and she wasn't going to let herself ruin it.


Annabeth couldn't remember the last time she'd has this much fun with another person. She and Percy had scrapped the original plan to go to the High Line and instead found themselves bouncing around the subway, popping up in different places around Manhattan. He made her laugh, he was cute, he was nice. And it seemed that he liked her too.

"Have you thought more about being a camp counselor this summer?" Percy asked as they walked hand in hand down a quiet Morningside Heights street near the Columbia campus.

Annabeth paused. "I don't really know, to be honest." She'd been so dead set on not doing it when she and Percy had been arguing, but things had now changed.

"Well, you should do it. I'll be there."

"The only reason to do it, obviously."

"Obviously. Plus, you'll get to see me shirtless."

"Already saw you shirtless at that swim meet. Don't need to do it again."
"You wound me," Percy groaned.

"I'm just spreading the truth!"

"And you're lying!"

Annabeth scoffed. "No, I'm not."

"No, you are! I caught you looking. It's okay. It's a pretty common response."

"You're imagining things," Anabeth tried to say, but she knew he was right.

Instead of responding, Percy suddenly came to a stop. "Annabeth. Ice cream."

Annabeth stepped back to see what he meant. Across the street was a small ice cream store, brightly lit and clearly open.

"Come on, Annabeth," Percy pleaded. "Let's go!"

Annabeth's throat went a little dry, but she stopped herself. No. She was on this date with Percy, and she was having fun, and she would eat ice cream.

All of a sudden, her body didn't feel like it mattered too much anymore, and she tugged Percy across the street.


They were on their way back to Annabeth's apartment, ice cream in hand, when she got a text from her dad.

Dad: Hey Beth! Sorry I forgot to tell you and I know you're out with Percy, but we're out with the boys at dinner way out at Helen's client in Long Island. Won't be back until late

Annabeth's heart beat nervously, but she turned to Percy without a moment of hesitation. "Want to come over to my place for a little bit?"

"Sure," Percy grinned. "Why?"

"My parents aren't home."
"Huh."

"Interesting, I know," Annabeth flashed him a grin, leaning into his shoulder. "Can I have a bite of your ice cream?"

Percy had been disappointed when there was no blue ice cream flavor, so he had gone with vanilla and blue sprinkles, even though Annabeth had teased him ruthlessly with his choice. "No. You said vanilla was boring."

"And it is. But that doesn't mean it tastes bad," Annabeth said, trying to get a bite as Percy waved it away from her. Damn him and his long arms. "Besides, I finished mine, and you're eating really slow." Annabeth's ice cream had been really, really good. For once, she hadn't felt guilty or thought too hard about the calories.

"No," Percy said. "It's mine, and it's delicious."

"Okay," Annabeth said, glancing around the train car. It was entirely empty for a random person faced away from them. She took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to Percy's jaw.

His breath hitched, and his arm slowly lowered. Annabeth did it again, watching the ice cream cone out of the corner of her eye.

Finally, it was within range. Just as Percy had begun to snake his arm around her back, she snatched the ice cream cone from him and began to eat it triumphantly while Percy tried to take it back.

"No, this is mine. I got it fair and square."

"You-little-cheater!"


It was lighthearted all the way back to the apartment, until Annabeth opened the door and flicked on the lights. Percy's eyes skimmed the room quickly, as Annabeth shut the door behind them and gave Percy a hug from behind.

"I had a really good time tonight," she said, trying to stand up tall enough so she could set her head on his shoulder.

Percy spun her around so that they were facing one another, and he pressed a quick peck to her lips. "I did too."

Annabeth smiled. "I think I like you. A lot."

"I think I like you a lot too."

Annabeth leaned back in to kiss him. She would never, ever get used to how he felt. She smiled into his lips as he tugged her tighter, moving so that Percy was now pressed up against the wall.

After a minute, he broke off and stared at her. Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you alright?"

Percy didn't respond for a moment before he shook his head out and exhaled. "Annabeth, have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

All the air left Annabeth's lungs. "What?"

Percy smiled. "You're so, so beautiful."

In that moment, Annabeth felt like Percy didn't care: not about her body, or her clothes, or how she wanted to be smaller. In that moment, there was just her and Percy, and he thought she was beautiful.

She kissed him again, setting her phone and keys down on the counter and taking Percy by the hand. "Wanna see my bedroom?"

"Oh. Oh. Okay."

She laughed. "Here it is."

It was messier than Annabeth would have liked, but Percy still grinned. "It looks just like you." He sat down on her bed and stretched back to look at the ceiling.

All of a sudden, Annabeth's eye caught a pair of exercise weights she had carelessly left out. She moved them quickly under her bed, intending to join Percy, until her phone started to ring from where she had left it in the kitchen.

Percy sat up. "Is that your dad?"

Annabeth sighed. "Probably. I should answer."

"I'll do some exploring, or something."

"Make yourself at home!"

Annabeth heard a little rustling as Percy got up from her bed, but she paid it no mind as she walked towards the kitchen. Sure enough, it was her dad.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, hey Beth. Just wanted to let you know that there's a bad accident on the drive home, so it looks like we're going to take a bit longer than we thought."

Annabeth tried not to let her happiness show as she responded. "Oh, that's terrible!"

"I know. Are you back from your date?"

"Uh, yeah. It was really fun."

"That's nice, sweetie. Alright, we'll see you soon!"

"Bye!"

Annabeth hung up gleefully, spinning around and running to tell Percy the good news. "You'll never guess what happened—"

But something was wrong.
Percy was facing away from her, standing in front of her desk. He didn't turn around when she came in, and he was standing very, very still, all the muscles in his back tensed like he was about to fight something.

Annabeth took a tentative step forward. "Percy?"

He slowly turned around. The rules that she normally left hidden on her desk were in Percy's hands. It suddenly became very hard for Annabeth to breathe.

If Percy had been still before, now he was shaking, with anger, or possibly something worse. "Annabeth, what the fuck are these?"


If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for reading. This chapter is very, very intense. I don't know if this is quite what you were expecting to read, but I was very motivated to get this out after releasing the 2nd part of the wedding a few days ago.

I would love to hear any thoughts you have on this chapter in the comments below. I also want to make EXTREMELY CLEAR that I DO NOT condone Annabeth's actions. Annabeth needs help. No matter what the voice inside her head says, her behavior is not healthy and I am trying to express that.

No matter what, anorexia is unhealthy. So is bulimia. So is orthorexia or compulsive exercise or binge eating disorder. They are not to be romanticized, in any way, shape, or form.

I hope that is clear. My goal with this story is to give an intimate portrayal of how an eating disorder can impact practically every other aspect of a person's life because they are so obsessive.

Once again, I would love to hear thoughts as reviews or as PMs. Thank you for reading, and I apologize for such an intense chapter.

Emily