It has been three weeks since Tony woke from the coma, three weeks that have been – despite all setbacks – the happiest in Pepper's life.
She has Tony back, her best friend, her soulmate, the love of her life.
...So why does it feel like something is missing?
-–-
One evening Tony sits on the couch in the living room, a tablet wedged between his knees, trying to tap something.
"Argh! I'm such an Idiot!"
She puts her book down, looks over at him. "What do you mean?"
"It was a stupid idea to put the stones on my right arm. If I'd used the left one, I would be able to use my right arm now! Didn't think of that, 'cause I didn't expect to survive at all."
He knows what those words do to her. At least he has the decency to look guilty after he said them.
"Sorry, Pep."
Without a blink, she answers, "If you had put the stones on your left hand, your heart – which is on the left side of your body by the way – would probably have stopped. It is possible you would have died instantly."
"You might have a point there," he agrees. With a sigh, he puts the tablet away and rearranges his body until he lies on the couch with is head in her lap.
Smiling, she runs her fingers through his hair. While he's practically purring, she wants to hold him and never let go. The thought of how close she came to losing him still haunts her, but she says nothing. She doesn't want him to feel guilty.
"Pep?"
"Yes?"
"I'm gonna go to Wakanda for some days."
Her movements stop.
"Shuri offered me to help with the arm, and I thought why not? She has more experience in that department then I have. You know, with the arm she invented for Barnes and so on..."
"Sounds good." She pauses, thinking. "Yeah, you should go." She can't keep the trembling out of her voice. On the one hand, she doesn't want to be clingy – on the other hand, the thought of him being away for more than a couple of hours gives her anxiety.
He seems to notice. "Why don't you take Morgan and come with me? I'm pretty sure T'Challa's invitation extends to you as well."
It would be easy to accept his offer and go with him, but she knows for certain, if she doesn't let him do this on his own, it will be even harder to let him go later.
It's not that she doesn't trust him – she simply doesn't trust the world around them.
The fear he might vanish someday is irrational, but knowing about this irrationality does nothing to diminish it. Feelings are not logical, after all.
"No, it's fine. I have a crammed schedule for the next days, and you'll have no time for me anyways when you and Shuri are working. You should go without us."
"You sure?"
When she answers, she aims for a light and carefree tone, but it sounds fake. "Don't worry about me. I'll be to busy even to miss you!"
He sits up to look at her properly. "You know you can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is, I'm there for you." With his one arm, he hugs her as close as possible. "You've been my rock for so long. This time, let me do this for you."
His words are the final straw, and she isn't able to hold back her tears any longer. "You are the one who was practically dead, so why am I the one with the anxiety? That's not fair!"
"No, it's not fair, but give this some time. Isn't that what they say? That time's a healer?"
"Tony..."
"Yes, I know, my motivational speeches can't hold a candle to Cap's."
He tilts his head slightly, narrows his eyes and grins this lopsided grin that he reserves for times when he feels a bit mischievous. "Got an idea."
Excited, he jumps to his feet and takes her hand. "Come on, we put on our armors and go for a fly. Just for fun."
"No! I'm not leaving Morgan alone with no one else in the house!"
"But she's sleeping, and we'd stay close. F.R.I.D.A.Y. can notify us, when she wakes up. F.R.I.D.A.Y., activate baby-monitor-protocol!" He purses his lips, smiling. Slowly he leans in, to whisper in her ear "What do you say? Just one or two laps around the lake. To see who can go faster. And if Morgan wakes up, we're back in a minute."
"Can you even fly without..." She strokes his shoulder, where the arm is missing.
"Don't worry. F.R.I.D.A.Y. will help me."
Eventually, she agrees. They suit up and start to chase each other around the lake. It has been years since Pepper felt this alive. When they finally return to the cabin, they retreat to the bedroom and make slow, life assuring love until the sun comes up outside.
-–-
Two days later – Tony is still in Wakanda – Pepper makes a decision: She asks Happy to drive Morgan and her to Greenwich Village.
Morgan looks out of the car window before she tunes to Pepper. "Mommy, what are we doing here?"
"We're visiting the friend who helped daddy." Pepper takes the hand of her daughter and exits the car.
"Hey! What about me? I'm not gonna wait here in the car!" Happy yells.
Pepper sighs. "Then why don't you come with us?"
"Into the lair of the wizard? What if he jinxes me?"
"Why would he do that, Happy?"
"To get me out of the way and do unspeakable things to you!"
Pepper stares at him like this one time when he revealed he had been carrying around Tony's engagement ring for nine years. She says nothing, shakes her head and leaves him behind.
When they ring the doorbell, it's not Strange who opens, but Wong.
With a big smile, he greets them. "Pepper! How exceedingly nice to see you!"
Although she's pleasantly surprised by Wong's gushing greetings, it doesn't fit the usually stoic demeanor of the librarian.
"Wong, what happened?"
"Nothing. I'm happy to meet another living person I can talk to, that's all."
That alarms her. "What's wrong with Stephen?"
"This spell... it took a massive toll on him. He's been more or less unconscious in the last three weeks."
"Can I see him?"
Wong nods and mumbles, "upstairs."
Pepper asks Morgan and Happy to wait for her. While climbing up the stairs, she can hear Wong ask, "Who wants hot chocolate?"
Uneasily, Pepper passes by the beautiful circular window on the top floor. When she heads to the corridor where Stephen's bedroom is located, the Cloak of Levitation shoots from a corner and wraps itself around her shoulders. It strokes her cheeks with its collar. Pepper can feel how tense and worried the magical artifact is.
Now, that she isn't alone anymore, it is easier for her to move forward and knock on the door. After she gets no answer, she knocks a second time. Still no response. She already wants to go back downstairs, when the Cloak detaches itself from her. Surprisingly skillful given the fact that it has no hands, it opens the door. It waves to follow her and vanishes through the door.
Pepper follows after a moment of hesitation. The air inside the room is stale, and the curtains on the window are drawn shut. On the bed lies, under a big pile of blankets, Stephen Strange.
The Cloak nudges the sorcerer tenderly with one of its corners.
Groaning, he awakes. "I told you not to wake me again! How often do I..." Then he recognizes Pepper. "What are you doing here?"
Taken aback by his rudeness, she answers, "I thought it would be a nice idea to look after a friend, but right now, I don't know why I bothered!"
She turns to leave, but he calls weakly after her. "Pepper! Please, I'm sorry. Don't go."
When he sits up, she can see how much energy it costs him to perform even a simple task like this.
"You look like shit," she observes.
He runs his hand over his unshaven chin. "Thank you, what a lovely thing to say."
She doesn't respond to that. Instead, she asks him, "You knew this would happen, right?" With a vague gesture, she points in his direction.
"I anticipated it to a certain degree. What I didn't factor in, however, is how much energy I already had spent to keep Tony alive in the week it took you to learn the spell – and of course the other two months until I found the spell in question."
"Oh."
"Don't worry. It might take some time, but I will make a full recovery in the end."
Sighing, she sits down on the edge of his bed.
"You don't look so great yourself, if I may say so."
"I can't sleep," she confesses.
"And why is that?"
"I'm afraid I wake up one morning just to realize he's been dead all along, and the last five weeks have been nothing but a dream."
There's no need for her to say Tony's name; they know both precisely who she is talking about.
"I know the feeling." Stephen shuffles around until he sits with his back leaning on the headboard. He closes his eyes and breaths slowly.
"Are you in pain?"
"Not more than usual."
"And what exactly does that mean?"
"That means I can cope with it."
She scoots closer to him and puts her hand on his knee.
If he weren't so tired, he would look confused. "Wait, when did we become friends? I thought you hated me."
She hesitates, looks down at her hands. "You saved Tony's life. Of course you are my friend."
"No. That's not the reason. This hug on the roof, that was previously." His gaze follows hers, and he puts his hand on hers, and a wary smile flickers across his face. "You can tell me; I am your friend."
It takes a long while until she finally answers. "Do you remember the second day we practiced the healing spell? When you connected us, to guide me and give me your energy, you seem to have given me more, than you intended."
"What do you mean?"
"Fourteen million possible futures. I've seen them – or some of them... and I felt what you felt. All those desperate attempts to save both Tony and the universe. But you only ever managed to salvage one of them, no matter how hard you tried, no matter what you sacrificed yourself."
His face falls in terror. "Oh my god... I didn't want to... you should never have to see that. I am so sorry." He buries his face in his hands and starts crying.
Pepper crawls close to him. Determined, she pulls him into a tight embrace. "It's okay, Stephen. It wasn't your fault."
She's not sure he hears her, because he's mumbling "I'm sorry," over and over. It takes minutes until his heart-wrenching sobs die down.
When he eventually pulls away from her, he seems to be so ashamed that he doesn't dare to look her in the eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so very tired, that makes me sometimes a bit overemotional." Embarrassed, he rubs the back of his neck.
"Don't worry, I am married to Tony Stark and have a four-year-old daughter. I'm used to people having a meltdown every now and then," she jokes. Then in a more serious tone, she continues, "There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Stephen." She will repeat these words until he believes them finally. Gently, she grabs his chin and tilts it up, so he has to look at her. "It was an accident. You didn't mean to do that. Of course, it is no fun to see Tony and Peter, and you die again and again, but those were mere possibilities that thanks to your actions never occurred. Not only that – you chose the only timeline where Morgan existed! You have no idea how grateful I am for that." Her smile grows soft, as she thinks about all the precious little moments she had with Morgan and Tony in the last five years.
"How could I have decided any other way?" With tear-filled eyes, he looks at her. "She's the perfect combination of you and Tony."
"Do you want to meet her?"
"Is she... here with you?"
Pepper nods. "She's downstairs with Wong and Happy in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate."
"Another time, maybe. I'm gonna lay down now. I'm feeling dizzy."
"Wait, Wong said you have slept nearly all the time, since the hospital. That was three weeks ago! When did you last eat?"
"Dunno, what day is today?"
"Tuesday."
He nods. "Okay... and what month?"
"Oh my God, Stephen! Come on, we're going down to the kitchen, and you are going to eat!"
With the help of the Cloak, she half carries, and half drags Stephen downstairs. When they enter the kitchen, Morgan sits with Wong and Happy at the table. They play some card game with glowing cards that hover a couple of inches over the table top.
"Mommy, look! Magic cards just like in Harry Potter!" The little girl shouts excited.
"That's great, honey. Who's winning?"
"Happy, because he cheats again," she answers. Then she sees Stephen. "Mommy, who is that?"
"That is the friend I told you about – the one who saved daddy."
Unprompted, Morgan gets up, walks in front of Stephen and hugs his legs. "Thank you. I would have missed my daddy very much."
Tears well up in the eyes of the sorcerer again, but he does his best to keep it together. "You're welcome. Honestly, I've done it because I'm selfish. I would have missed him, too."
She offers him her cards. "Wanna play with us?"
Almost reverently, he accepts them. "I would like that very much."
Together they sit down at the table.
Wong gets Stephen a big bowl of something that looks like porridge and mouths a "Thank you" in Pepper's direction when the other sorcerer starts eating.