J

So much has changed since I found Lisa outside my door and in such a short period. She came to me on her own. She opened up to me. The things she said, no one should have to go through that. She doesn't want to drag me down and doesn't think she's worth it. I'm going to prove to her that she is. That I want to be with her, regardless of what happened in the past or the difficulties the future will hold.

For now, she sleeps beside me, her hand holding mine. Me, on the other hand, I can't seem to fall asleep. I just lie here and watch her as the minutes tick by. The longer I do, the more my eyes adjust to the darkness. Earlier, she was going to use me like she did all those other women, and I was going to let her, because if that's what she needed to feel better, then I'd do what I could to help. There was also the selfish part of me that wanted to be taken by her. To be claimed and know what it felt like to have her inside of me. She stopped, though.

I roll to my back, my hand still in hers and think back to my date with Chan. He is an amazing guy, but he's not my guy. He could be. However, the way he kissed me is nothing compared to how it felt to have Lisa's lips on mine. The two aren't even in the same universe. Chan's kiss was sweet and a little heated. Lisa's was possessive and demanding. She wanted me badly, and I wanted her just as much. It was all I could do to refrain from dragging her onto the bed and ridding her of her clothes, so she could sink into me. I had to move at her pace and let her lead. The last thing I wanted was for her to do something she regretted and run from me again.

My eyes begin to close as Lisa stays on my mind, and sleep finally takes me.

"No. No, stop. Please, don't." Lisa's words drift to me in sleep, and it takes me a moment to realize I'm not dreaming. I blink a few times. Lisa is beside me thrashing in the bed. I'm not sure if I should try to comfort her or leave her be. If she lashed out at me, not realizing I'm not the one hurting her, I wouldn't be able to fight her off. She's so much bigger than me.

Hesitantly, I reach over to her arm. "Lisa, wake up. It's only a dream."

"Nini? What are you doing here? I don't want you to see me like this," she cries. The morning light filters in through the sheer curtains. Her body starts shaking. Her eyes are still squeezed shut. She must think I'm in her dream.

I move my hand to her face. Her skin is slicked with sweat. "You're dreaming. It's not real. Please wake up."

"You have to go. If Everett sees you..."

"I'm not going anywhere. He can't hurt you anymore." I've never wanted to inflict pain on someone as badly as I want to hurt Everett. That man doesn't deserve to be out in public after what he did to Lisa. He should be behind bars. I know it's not for me to decide, that's completely up to Lisa, given she is no longer a minor, but if she ever wanted to press charges, I'd be right there beside her.

"Everett, no. Let her go! You don't need her!"

"Lisa, you have to wake up." I'm pushing on her shoulder now, hating the sheer anguish in her voice.

She sits up abruptly, causing me to lean away; her head whips from side to side to look around the room. She throws the blankets off and stands.

"Lisa," I say gently. "You're okay. You're not in your bedroom. You're in mine."

She stops and turns toward me. "Nini?"

"Yes, I'm here."

Placing her head in her hands, she lets out a muffled cry. I quickly stand and go to her side. My arms wrap around her to hold her through her pain.

"He was there with us. He...he started touching you."

"He's not going to get me."

"I couldn't protect you. He had me tied to the bed."

"I wish I had been there all those years ago. I wish I could have helped you."

She lifts her head. My hand goes to her cheek to wipe away her tears. "Come back to bed."

"No, I can't sleep again after that. It felt too real."

I nod and look over at the clock on the nightstand: seven in the morning. Thank God, it's Sunday, and I don't have to go to work.

"I have an idea," I say. "Are you up for leaving the apartment?"

"Do I have to see anyone?"

"No, it will be just us."

"Okay."

Maybe getting out of here and getting some fresh air will do us good. I rummage through my dresser for a pair of shorts and a tank top. I change quickly and give Lisa a new toothbrush to use. We take her truck since it will be better for where I want to go than my car. Before we reach our destination, I have Lisa stop at the café so I can pick up coffee and danishes for us.

We drive for about fifteen minutes until I direct her to turn onto a dirt road. It winds back through the woods and then it opens to a small clearing. No other cars today. I'm very thankful for that.

Lisa takes her coffee, then I grab mine and the bag of danishes. She knows where we are but hasn't said anything since we left my apartment. After parking, we walk on a small dirt footpath with trees towering overhead until the sound of rushing water reaches our ears.

There are many trails that wrap around various parts of the falls our town is named after. Some have paths where the brush has been cleared and wooden planks have been laid down. Some have railings, which cross over the river; others wind through the woods on dirt paths to do more hiking. We are taking the path only the locals know about. The one hidden from the public, unless they stumble upon it.

We cut to the left and start down a small hill toward the river. We are forced to duck under low branches and step over fallen trees, but eventually we reach the spot I was aiming for.

Below the elevated, wooden bridge, upstream of the falls, is a small space where you can sit on large rocks right at the river's edge. The falls can be seen in the distance; the whooshing sound of the water as it cascades down to the river below, calms me. I thought it would be a good spot to take Lisa. We take seats next to each other on a rock and I hold out a danish to her.

"I'm not hungry," she says.

"You should eat something. Just a few bites. Please."

She takes the danish from me, her fingers brushing over mine as she does. It sends a shiver up my spine. "I'm sorry," she says, her voice low.

"For what?"

"For showing up at your apartment unannounced. For pushing you away. For breaking down in front of you. And for you having to wake me out of a nightmare."

I turn to face her. She's watching the river as it flows past us; the water rippling as it goes over a few rocks. "You don't have to apologize for any of that. I'm only sorry I wasn't there when you first showed up."

"What about Chan?" She asks.

"What about him?"

"Are you going to see him again?"

I shrug. "That depends on you."

She finally turns to me, her eyes so light they could be crystals. "I don't want anything I do to impact you."

"It's too late for that. You've had an impact on me from the first day we met. Positive or negative, here we are."

"I want you to date Chan."

"You don't mean that."

"I do. Nini, I'm no good. I'll just keep dragging you down with me. He's a good guy. He'll treat you well."

"And you'd treat me like shit?" I counter.

She stands abruptly, tossing the remainder of her danish down on the rock at her feet. She jumps down to the grass and starts walking into the forest. I quickly follow, running behind her until I reach for her arm and pull her to a stop.

"You don't get to keep walking away from me," I tell her. "At some point, I'm going to stop chasing you." In truth, I will stop chasing her, but I doubt I'll ever stop caring for her. There's only so much I can take, though. I will always be here for her, but I can't keep charging after her when she clearly wants to get away from me.

She whirls around. Anger and hurt evident on her face and in her tone. "Good! Maybe that's exactly what you need to do!"

"Stop it! Stop trying to destroy whatever this is between us before it even has a chance to start."

"I still can't wrap my head around why you want anything to do with me, Nini! I'm a fucking catastrophe."

"You're my catastrophe."

I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and pull her down to my lips. It's my turn to take control and kiss her. Our tongues touch, and my body heats with a fire. Her hands drift down to my hips to hold me in place as she steps closer, causing our bodies to touch from our shoes to our lips. I love having her this close: the taste of tart cherries on her tongue from the danish, the sound of the falls at my back. Her hands rise up my sides until she reaches my breasts. Her thumbs skate over my nipples as I arch into her touch.

Her hands remain in place, but she releases my lips. Our foreheads rest on one another. "You called me yours," she whispers.

"I did." I said it in the heat of the moment. Although, somewhere in the back of my mind, I wish it were true.

Her eyes close as her fingers move to my hips and hold me tight. "Did you mean it? I need to know, Nini. Once you answer this question, there's no going back, so you better think about what you say."

I know my answer. What about her, though? "Will you keep running from me? Will you keep brushing me off every chance you get, acting like there's nothing between us?"

"You go first."

This could be a colossal mistake, or the first step in creating something amazing between us. "I meant it. Ever since that moment at your house, nothing has been the same. I can't stop thinking about you and wondering what it could be like if we were together."

"What about high school?"

"What happened in our pasts can't be changed. What matters now is how we treat each other going forward. I don't want anyone else, Lisa."

"God, Nini." She presses her lips to mine again, but this time it's slow. We take our time kissing and showing each other how we feel with only our lips and tongues.

I pull back. "You didn't answer my questions."

She hugs me tightly against her. "I'm done running, but you'll have to be patient with me. I've never been with just one person. Plus, I'm still dealing with all my other shit."

"We can take it as slow as you want."

"I don't want to take it slow. I want to claim you right now. I want to run my hands over every inch of your body and commit each curve to memory. I want to feel you come apart while I'm buried deep inside you." Each word she says makes my body grow warmer. I want her badly.

"Lisa..."

"The intensity of what I feel for you scares me. I've never felt like this for anyone. Only you, Nini."

I pull back to look in her eyes. "No more running."

"No more dating Chan," she growls his name.

I laugh. "Agreed. So, does this mean I'm your girlfriend?"

"I guess so. You're mine, and I'm yours. No dating anyone else."

"No fucking anyone else."

"Hell, no. I couldn't even stand for Mino to have dinner with you, let alone the thought of you in bed with someone."

"I'd hurt a bitch if she put her hands on you. I'm just warning you. I'm territorial."

"Baby, you haven't seen territorial yet." I laugh.

We kiss again before heading back to the rock to pick up our discarded danishes and finish our coffee. The ride back to my apartment is quiet. Butterflies flutter in my stomach thinking about Lisa as my girlfriend. I've never had a real boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, I've dated and had fun but nothing long-term. No one I would even think about introducing to my parents. Although, they are in Florida, so they wouldn't meet anyone unless they came up to visit.

Lisa cuts the engine of her truck once we are back at my apartment. I don't think either of us knows what to say or do. It's all so new between us.

"I don't know how to do this," she admits, mirroring my thoughts.

"I don't either."

"I'm not going to be your average girlfriend, Nini. I'm fucked in the head and have a lot of shit to wade through. I want to treat you right, but I'm sure I'll fuck up, too. It's not going to be easy dealing with me."

"I'm not looking for royal treatment. Just go with your gut. That's what I'm going to do. Don't worry about what's conventional. We do what feels right, and fuck everything else."

"Last chance. Are you sure you want to be with me?"

"Absolutely." I smile.

"Then give me that gorgeous mouth of yours."