SOMETHING TO BELIEVE

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

Where Do I Start

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: SUNDAY MORNING BY THE VELVET UNDERGROUND

Sunday morning and I'm falling
I've got a feeling I don't want to know
Early dawning, Sunday morning
It's all the streets you crossed not so long ago

From the previous chapter:

"Piper, I haven't been honest with you. For a really long time," Annabeth said quietly.

"I know."

Annabeth felt a sob start to burst out of her chest at her friend's simple words, but she held it back. "You did?"

"I was just waiting for you to come to me, Annabeth. Did I wait too long?"

"No," Annabeth shook her head. "No, you didn't. I need to tell you something that I've never told anyone before." She took a deep breath. She had never, ever said it out loud. But somehow, the losses of her mother and Percy raw, her eyes cried out, Annabeth knew that it was finally time.

"Piper, I think I have an eating disorder."

Piper knelt down to Annabeth, wrapping herself in Percy's abandoned blanket. She didn't say anything for a moment, and Annabeth let her gaze wander to the door Percy had just walked out of. Still unsure of how to proceed, she let herself linger on at least one feeling: she wasn't ready for a relationship. Not yet, at least.

"Tell me more." Piper's voice was quiet, and her hand reached out to wrap around Annabeth's.

"It started in eighth grade. You know. In San Francisco. With my mom."

Piper paused, waiting for Annabeth to say more. "It's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No. No, I need to," Annabeth was surprised by the strength she found in her voice. "I need to because if I don't I'm going to… I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Piper squeezed her hand again. "Just start at the beginning."

The story at first bubbled slowly out of Annabeth, but she was suddenly describing things that suddenly made so much sense: why she hated shopping for clothes, her anger at her father for cooking dinner, her reactions to Percy's touch. As she spoke to Piper, the story created itself, stitched the pieces together that had once been lost and unknown. It didn't take long for the tears in Annabeth's eye to dry, and then, she was talking about Percy— how much she liked him, his accusation, the hellish week of her life spent tiptoeing around an apology. The only part she left out, for some reason she couldn't quite comprehend, was the list of rules Percy had found. It felt wrong, almost too private, to admit that aloud. Finally, she finished with "And you're the first person I've ever told."

Piper didn't do anything. For a moment, Annabeth thought she would just sit there and not say anything, but then her warm hand came to rest on Annabeth's knee. "Do you know what it says about you that you could just tell me all of that?"

"No. I don't. Piper, why are you crying?" Even in the darkness Annabeth could see the tears running down Piper's cheeks.

"Annabeth, you're so brave. You're so, so brave."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, no. I'm not. Piper, look at me, look what I've done to myself—"

"Shut up, just shut up, for a minute Annabeth," Piper laughed a little. "Just let me say one nice thing about you. The fact that you can admit that about yourself, and actually tell it to another person, is incredible. You're brave. You don't have to say it, but I want you to remember that I said it."

"Oh," Annabeth said quietly. "Okay."

"And thank you for telling me," Piper said softly. "I love you. I want to help you."

"I love you too. And thanks," Annabeth said quietly. "You don't, like, have to do anything. I just needed someone to talk to. Really talk to, voluntarily."

"Please let me know, Annie. But for now, I can just be a shoulder to cry on, or something." Piper bit her lip. "I feel awful. I should have tried to help you more."

"Don't say that."

"I knew something was wrong. I just didn't want to push you."

"I'm grateful for that, really. If you had tried, I wouldn't have responded."

"I guess," Piper sighed. "But there were signs. Things I should have caught onto earlier."

"Not really. I hid everything that I could."

"Well, Percy noticed."

Annabeth thought of the rules, and a smidge of guilt shadowed her. Why couldn't she tell Piper? "Yeah, I guess. I don't know how he guessed."

"Probably because he watches you like a hawk."

A familiar warmth rose up in Annabeth's chest, but it immediately dimmed at the thought of the conversation she had just had with him.

Piper caught on instantly. "He was just here, right?"

"Yeah." Annabeth let out a shaky breath. "We kissed. I told him I couldn't be with him."

"Oh, Annabeth."

"I know," Annabeth cried again into the blanket. "And then he left. I shouldn't have kissed him."

"I don't think so."

Surprised to hear Piper say that, Annabeth gave her an intrigued look. "Why?"

"Simple, Annie. Alright, maybe it wasn't the best thing for you in the moment— but it sounds like it made you realize you couldn't be with him. And God, Annabeth, that's so important. You know yourself well enough to recognize that getting over this— this is more important than being with a boy, even if you like him."

"I hope I didn't scare him off for good or anything."

Piper rolled her eyes. "That boy is so loyal— it's going to take so much more than that to shake him off. But I'm a little mad at him."

"Why?"

"Because he left when he said he wouldn't, Annabeth."

"But I basically broke it off with him!"

"But isn't he your friend and not your boyfriend first? I mean, it's a bit of a grey area. But I still think your wellbeing is more important than Percy's hormones."

Annabeth laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

"Ten bucks says he already texted you an apology."

"Oh fuck," Annabeth muttered. "I haven't checked my phone since I left the restaurant. My parents must be pissed."

"Oh no!" Piper hissed. "Check it, check it now. Tell them that you're sleeping over at my place."
"Can I? Really?"

"Of course. You really thought you wouldn't be, after the night you just had?"

Annabeth wanted to cry again. "I love you a lot."

"I know. I love you too."

Feeling a little braver, Annabeth turned on her phone. Four missed calls from her father, seven from her mother, and about a billion texts from both of them. "Shit," she muttered.

"What's the damage?" Piper asked.

"It's pretty bad. But I think they're worried, not mad." Annabeth opened the phone app, and typed in her father's number. "Dad?"

"Annabeth. Where are you? Why haven't you called me back? Your mother called me hours ago. Why'd you leave the restaurant? Athena—" he called, speaking to someone next to him. "It's her. You don't need to call the police."

"Fuck," Annabeth whispered to Piper. "He's with my mom. I don't think they've seen each other in over a decade."
"Annabeth? Are you still there?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Oh, thank God." He was talking so quickly Annabeth could barely parse his words apart. "Where are you? You have to come home now. We have to talk about tonight."

"I'm at Thalia's house, and I'm sleeping over at Piper's. I'm not coming home."

He paused. "Annabeth, this is non-negotiable."

"Dad, I'm really, really sorry, but dinner was a disaster and something just happened with Percy. And I know you're going to just chalk this up to stupid teenage hormones or whatever, but please, please trust me on this one. I can't go home right now." She took a breath. Now, if she wanted a chance, she had to be honest. "I don't want to be around Mom right now."

"Annabeth…" her dad sounded unsure, but Annabeth could feel him getting ready to agree. He had always tried, but he wasn't much of a disciplinarian. Her mother was definitely the bad cop of the two of them. "Let me talk to Athena and Helen. One second."

Annabeth turned to Piper. "Oh my God, my stepmom is there too."
"They've never met, right?"

"Not once."

Annabeth's dad came back on. "Alright. Annabeth, your mom isn't happy about this. She has to leave for work early and won't be able to see you unless you come home now."

"I don't want to see her Dad. Don't tell her that. I just… not yet."

He must have heard the note of desperation in her tone, because his voice softened. "Okay. I'll… figure it out. Go to Piper's. But text me immediately when you get there. And you better get there soon! Oh, and turn on your location so I can see where you are."

Annabeth smiled a little. "Okay, Dad. Thanks."

"Sure. But I'm serious. This is a one-time thing, okay? Alright. Alright," he said, now speaking to himself more than anything. "Athena… alright. Okay. Okay. Oh, bye! I love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too, Dad." Annabeth hung up and turned to Piper.

"All good?" Piper asked.

"In the clear," Annabeth muttered, scrolling through her phone. Suddenly, another call came in.

Percy.

Annabeth's mouth went dry. "Piper…" she muttered.

"You owe me ten bucks! Ha!" She laughed.

"Not helpful! Should I answer?"

Piper's face turned serious. "I don't know. Do you want to talk to him?"

Annabeth knew, on instinct alone, the answer to Piper's question. She tapped "accept" and lifted the phone up to her ear. "Percy?"

"Annabeth?" He was somewhere loud, maybe on the street. "I'm sorry."

"Oh."

"For leaving."

"Okay."

"I just had to say that," he muttered. Annabeth had the sudden vision of Percy sitting in the back of a subway car, his long legs taking up the seats on either side of them, a hand running through his hair and his feet tapping nervously on the floor. "Sorry for fucking up again. I'm still… figuring it out."

"It's okay. You're allowed to fuck up. I did it too."

"Do you want me to drive you home? I just got off the subway, and I can get the Prius over there pretty quickly."

Annabeth took so long to respond that Percy had to ask her the question again. But she cast a quick look at Piper, and going off of instinct again, she had her answer. "Not tonight."

His voice was instantly quieter, sadder. "Oh."

"Sorry. It's nothing against you. I'm hanging out with Piper tonight. Going to sleep over there."

"Is Piper there?"

"Yeah, she's right next to me."

"I told her to go see you. Thought you might need someone."

"I did. Thank you."

They were quiet again, but neither hung up until Annabeth heard a sharp exhale from Percy's side of the phone. "Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you crying?"

He let out a very small laugh. "Just a little."

Annabeth pressed her lips tightly together before taking a very deep breath. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Seriously. I mean it."

"Percy…"

"Annabeth, I want to help you but I don't know how."

Annabeth felt the love for her friends that had been shoved aside by her obsession with calories and scales and exercise regimens suddenly flare up within her. There were people, at least two (one on the phone, one right next to her), and probably more, across the city and the world, who really cared for her. Who wanted to help her. She smiled, surprised that one person could cry this much in one night. "The want is enough. I'll let you know, Percy. But right now I'm just figuring it all out."

"Can I still sit with you on the subway?"

"Of course."
"Will you keep tutoring me in math?"

"Obviously. Even if you don't need it at all and it was just a ploy to hang out with me."

"Caught on, didn't you?"

"You're pretty smart for someone whose brain is full of seaweed."

"That's my Wise Girl."

The warmth rose up in Annabeth's stomach again, but this time, it remained there. "I think it's time for me to go, Percy. But thank you."
"Of course. Anything. Text me when you get to Piper's, okay?"

"I will. Bye, Percy." Annabeth hung up quickly. If she hadn't done it then, she didn't know if she ever would have been able to. She just had to remember why— there were things, far too many things, that she needed to sort out before she could imagine anything more with him. Eventually.

Just not tonight.

"Ready to get going?" Piper asked. "Let's call an Uber."

"Sure," Annabeth responded.

The girls stood up and moved through the party, which felt oddly colorless now that Percy was no longer there. After a quick goodbye with Thalia, Annabeth let Piper lead her out into the cool New York night.

Annabeth: Hey, just got to Piper's.

Percy: Okay, thanks for texting me. Sleep well.

Annabeth: You too.

"What time do you have to be home?" Piper asked while she sipped coffee, sitting next to Annabeth at her breakfast bar.

Annabeth, who also had a full mug of coffee in her hand, nodded. "Eight or nine, probably. My dad reminded me this morning to get home as soon as possible."

Annabeth had always been a natural early riser, but an uneasy sleep had meant she woke up at 4:30 AM, and she'd done nothing but lie on the couch. Luckily, Piper had been up by six, and the pair had spent the morning watching the spring light filter in and illuminate the kitchen.

"Do you want something to eat?" asked Piper tentatively.

Annabeth bit her lip. "I think that's a good idea."

She pretended not to see the relief on Piper's face when she stood up and opened the fridge. Plus, Annabeth was hungry. She was starving, and had been since she had woken up. It felt so odd to admit that word… hungry. Could she let it be a good thing?

Yes. Yes she could.

Annabeth cleared her throat and glanced back at Piper, who was holding a carton of eggs and a bag of flour, looking very confused. "Eggs or pancakes?" she asked.
Annabeth laughed. "Can you cook either of those things?"

Piper scowled. "No. But I can try!"

"How about cereal instead?"

Piper relented. "Fine."

Annabeth didn't want to go home. This was her only thought on the subway ride home, after she beat down Piper, who wanted her to take an Uber. She didn't want to see the look on her father's face when he realized what she had done to herself. Athena must have told him by now, and he was probably just waiting to question her.

Annabeth buried her head in her hands and tried her best to take deep, calming breaths. She had managed to repress these emotions back at Piper's, but she couldn't deny the shame that was now running through her. How could she ever face her parents again? How could she ever speak civilly to her mother again? Was it possible to go back?

Yes, that small, comforting voice said in her head.

Annabeth tried to listen to it, but the closer she got to the apartment, the less she wanted to return. It was only a text from her father saying that he saw she was near home that kept her moving.

Her heart thudding, she exited the subway station and made her way to her apartment. Every day after school she had made this same journey, likely thinking about her next spin class of what she would or wouldn't eat for dinner. What had changed since then? That was just a few weeks ago. Was she still that same girl? Had her confession to Piper meant anything?

And then Annabeth was entering the building, stepping into the elevator, pressing the button for her floor, walking down the hallway to her apartment, and finally opening the door and walking inside.

At first she thought it was empty. There was only a single light on above the dining room table, and there was no sound of Matthew and Bobby running around. Annabeth stepped hesitantly inside, wary of letting her guard down. But of course, her father was there, reading the newspaper in his favorite armchair.

"Annabeth," he said.

Annabeth had never thought of her father as scary. He still wasn't, but his neutral face and straight posture suddenly possessed a cool calm, the likes of which she had never before seen. So she proceeded carefully. "Hey dad."

"What do you say we take a walk?" It was a question, but Annabeth knew he left not room for argument.

"Sounds good." There was nothing Annabeth wanted to do less.

It was one of the mornings where spring reminded you it wasn't quite there yet. Despite the bright morning sun and blue sky, the air was biting and cold. Annabeth and her father stuck close to buildings to avoid the brunt of wind trailing through the Brooklyn streets, hands stuck deep into their pockets.

Annabeth waited for her father to break the silence. They were nearly three blocks away from the apartment when he finally spoke.

"Athena told me a little about last night."

Annabeth's voice sounded, to her, like that of a small child. "What did she tell you?"

"About your outburst. That you accused her of…" his voice dropped off for a moment. "Making you like this."

"Oh."

"Care to explain what she meant?"
Annabeth didn't respond.

"Annabeth, you have to tell me, or I can't help you."

Annabeth hadn't heard the note of desperation in his tone for a very long time. "I don't know what you want me to say, Dad." She wasn't surprised at the slight aggression in her voice.

"Annabeth…" he trailed off awkwardly. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to say it. Really, I don't even know what's going on. All that Athena told me was that it had something to do with the year in San Francisco. I don't know anything else, so I'd appreciate it if you helped explain it to me."

Annabeth's shoulders sagged in relief. Athena didn't tell him anything— he wasn't here to accuse her. She chose her next words carefully. "I hated San Francisco. I won't go into it, but Athena was pretty controlling. About a lot of things. Food, especially."

"Oh. And has that continued? With you?"

Annabeth had to remind herself: this was her father, the man who had raised her, loved her, trusted her. Despite their problems, he still wanted to help her. Even though it hurt, she had to admit it to him. Finally. "Yeah."

Her father nodded. "Okay. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Not with you, Dad." Annabeth bit back, unsure if that had hurt him or not. "Sorry. Nothing against you at all. I just don't feel completely comfortable. I'd rather talk to someone else." She couldn't say anything more.

"That's fine. Don't worry. But can we find help?"

"Of course. I think I'd like that."

Frederick Chase nodded at his oldest daughter, looking relieved to finally have something to do again. "I don't know much about it honey, but maybe a therapy session or something? How does it work?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't know. Can we just figure it out at home?"

"That's fine."

The awkwardness had once again settled between them. Annabeth knew it had been right to tell her father— but she couldn't help feeling that it had set up just another wall they'd have to breach eventually.

The walk back home was filled with vague, inconsequential smalltalk, and Annabeth was relieved to return to her room. Her father immediately went to his laptop to look up therapy and recovery programs, promising to keep her updated on what he found. Annabeth knew that it would be the extent of their conversation around her "problem," likely for a very long time.

She found one text from Percy when she returned to her room.

Percy: If you're mad at me about last night that's OK. But I wanted to let you know that I'm proud to be your friend and it's fine if that's all you want. Anything that happens will be on your terms.

Annabeth read and reread the message, unsure of what to say back, or even if she would respond at all. Mostly, she was surprised at Percy. Just a few months ago, she would have described him as lovable and silly, but definitely not mature. He could be obtuse and unobservant, and he often didn't notice things until they slapped him in the face. But rules or no rules, he had paid attention to her. He had stuck by her, paid attention to the shifts in her mood, and made her laugh when others hadn't. Percy Jackson was immature sometimes. But he was loyal and he would do anything for those that he loved.

Annabeth didn't know where she fit into Percy's life, or he into her's. But if she and Percy were meant to be, Annabeth would see it through.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

Where Do I Start

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I cannot even express how grateful I am for all of your comments on the last chapter. One reviewer (plutopapers, thank you!) mentioned that they were excited to see what Piper had to say, and originally I hadn't been planning on including the scene where Annabeth explained everything to Piper. Because of that review I decided to, and it's probably one of my favorite scenes of the entire story so far.

Alternate song for this chapter is "Something to Believe" by Weyes Blood (the name of the chapter, actually!). Same artist from last chapter! It fits super well but I wanted to try out some different artists and I'm a big Velvet Underground fan.

God these author's notes are getting long, but I really can't help myself. There are always little things I want to mention! One of those things is that Piper and Annabeth constantly say "I love you" to each other. I say that with my friends all the time, and it feels like a little part of myself going into the story. I'm also very happy with the scene between Annabeth and Frederick in this chapter, because it feels like it represents the relationship that we see in the books— a sort of uncertain distance.

Finally, my thoughts are (once again) with the world in a very, very sad time. Consume the media that makes you happy, but balance it with current events and an attempt to understand your place in the world. I'm working through that process myself, and it's not perfect, but I do think it's worth it.

Signing off once again with an obscenely long author's note. A few reminders: my PMs are always open, your reviews make me smile so much, and much, much love.

- Emily :)