If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: cardigan by Taylor Swift

But I knew you playin' hide-and-seek and
Givin' me your weekends, I, I knew you
Your heartbeat on the High Line, once in twenty lifetimes, I
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite

In the car directed away from New York City, Annabeth couldn't remember the last time she'd been alone like she was now. She couldn't believe her luck in convincing her father to drive up solo to Camp High Bow. He'd hovered over her like a nervous mother hen as she packed her bags for the next two and a half months away from home. But she saw the relief in his face that she'd soon be gone and he could return to the perfect wife and perfect life he had outside of his messy eldest daughter. Annabeth wasn't offended; she felt it too. She couldn't deny that they were a burden to one another.

With only the company of her own thoughts, Annabeth remembered something that made her stomach ache: Percy didn't know Annabeth was a High Bow counselor this year.

Annabeth wasn't sure why she hadn't told him after that odd, yet amiable encounter in the library. Talking to him suddenly felt impossible, like it would recognize the relationship that had blossomed between them, whose stunted growth had caused them both to reorder their plans for the rest of high school. Annabeth couldn't deny a large part of the fault was her own. She hadn't taken up his offer for help, hadn't asked him for so much as a blue cookie on the bus, much less advice on her eating. Not that he could have given any.

A voice, one that sounded suspiciously like Piper, whispered still in her head. But he didn't reach out either. And he hadn't. Some realization wrapped itself around Annabeth– was the sudden fire that had lit between them really over? And once all was said and done, whenever that would be, would Annabeth ever know who had really snuffed it out?

As she turned the final corner on the dry dirt road that led to the camp grounds, the only thing keeping her moving was the forward momentum of the car. Annabeth wanted to do nothing more than run crying back to Brooklyn. But when she saw the familiar hill with the big pine tree at the top, she couldn't turn around, and her foot remained firmly on the gas pedal until she pulled into the dusty parking lot.

It was mostly empty. Campers wouldn't arrive for another few days while the counselors got to know one another and underwent basic training. Honestly, Annabeth was surprised she'd ended up coming at all. She was sure that her father would have figured out some way to prevent it from happening by insisting that the camp didn't have the facilities or infrastructure or something-or-other to ensure Annabeth stuck with her treatment plan. But as Chiron, the head of camp activities, and the medical team had reassured them, they were very capable of adapting to Annabeth's needs. Besides heading back down to the city every other week between camp sessions for a meeting with Joanna and a weigh-in, Annabeth would function as nearly every other counselor.

She stepped out, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Annabeth hadn't been around camp counselors in a while, but she remembered how they all looked: slim, trim, and generally gorgeous. But she took a deep breath. That shouldn't matter anymore.

Around the Big House, Annabeth was drawn a small group of people dressed primarily in cutoffs and flannels. She slung her backpack around her shoulders and tried to beat the nervousness out of her as she walked over. "Hey, are you the other counselors?"

A girl with long, dark hair spun around. Her eyes widened. "Annabeth?"

"Oh my god," Annabeth said. The girl's sharp features had seemed familiar, but hearing the sound of her voice, her identity was obvious. "Kayla?"

"Yes! Oh my God, how are you? I had no idea you were coming!"

Annabeth let a genuine smile onto her face. Back when Annabeth had been a regular at Camp High Bow, Kayla had been a surprise friend one year when she was twelve. Though they had promised to keep in touch, they hadn't spoken to one another in years. "I know! It was sort of a last minute thing. How have you been?"

"I've been really good! I spent the year living with my dad in D.C. which was incredible, but I missed New York so I decided to come up for the summer. Oh, let me introduce you to everyone! You might recognize some of them from when you went here, but this is Katie, Clarisse, the Stoll brothers of course, Will, and Michael!"

Annabeth smiled and shook their hands enthusiastically. She recognized all of them from camp several years ago, but Will was especially familiar– he was part of the medical team and she'd been in communication with him nonstop for the past month. Vaguely reassured, the knot of nerves in her stomach loosened slightly. Until–

Annabeth spied the front door of the Big House opening, and a familiar body stepping outside.

"Percy!" Kayla said. "Look who's here!"

Oh fuck. Maybe Annabeth hadn't realized, up until that moment, just what a mistake it had been to not tell Percy. He looked surprised at first, a little intrigued to meet the newcomer, but when he recognized Annabeth she saw the shift in his face. Percy had never had a great poker face, and his confusion was quick to show. He walked over to the group, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Grudgingly, Annabeth noted that the mountain air had been good for him– he was already tanner, and looked more at peace than he had ever been down in the city.

"Hey Annabeth," he said robotically. He didn't smile.
Kayla cast a suspicious glance between the two of them. "Don't you two go to school together?"

"Uh, yeah," Annabeth said, trying to smile and smooth over the awkwardness.

"I didn't know you were coming," Percy said pointedly.

"I decided to come at the last minute."
"Oh."

Maybe it was because Annabeth had gotten to know him better at some point in the last year, but she could hear the hurt in Percy's response. She bit her lip, suddenly feeling ridiculously guilty, hit with the desire to apologize.

Kayla sent Annabeth a look like what on earth was that before turning back to the group of counselors. Annabeth remembered all of them vaguely from the years before. "Do you guys want to go to the lake? Annabeth, want to come?"

On the verge of saying no, just so she didn't have to put on a swimsuit, Annabeth took a look at Percy's face. She could see the cogs whirling in his head, leaving the reproachful look on his face as he waited for her response. He thinks I'm going to say no. He thinks I'm not better. Almost more out of spite than anything else, Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. But I need to drop my stuff off."

"Sure, I'll show you!" Kayla bounced excitedly. "We're staying in some tents right now, because we're moving into cabins soon–"

"Actually, Kayla," asked Will, "Can I show Annabeth? I have to talk to her about something."

"Sure. C'mon guys, let's go."

The group, Percy included, walked off, leaving Annabeth alone with Will, who was much taller and more muscular than she remembered him being at thirteen. "Hey Will. What do you need?"

But Annabeth already knew what he wanted.

"Just wanted to check in with you. Are you okay to do a weigh-in now? Then I want to talk really briefly about the camp food system, and then we can go to the lake."

Annabeth appreciated Will's bluntness, his lack of decorum surrounding her treatment. That was something she never got at home– not from Joanna, definitely not her father or Percy or anyone else. Maybe it was the fresh air, but for the first time, it felt easy to say "yes" to someone asking her to do a part of her treatment.

Annabeth was surprised by how easy it was to talk to Will. While he weighed her and explained what they were doing for mealtimes, he kept a light conversation going, peppering jokes in and always making sure Annabeth felt comfortable. After both changing into their swimsuits, they grabbed towels and sunscreen before heading down to the lake.

"What do you think of Kayla?" Will asked.

Annabeth scrunched up her nose. "I mean, we were friends when we were thirteen, so I don't really remember much about her. But she seems sort of… bubbly, I guess, is a good word for it."

Will smirked. "Yeah. Kayla is very nice. I think. Definitely the life of the party."

"Wonder how she does it."

"Me too," Will sighed wistfully. "I'm jealous that she's so good with people."

As they reached the lake, Annabeth chose to linger by the dock and watch the figures of Percy, Kayla, and a few more counselors splashing around by the small beach. Will leaned beside her on a splintered wooden post.

"I'm not sure if I'm going to swim. You?"

Annabeth wrapped her towel tighter around herself. "Not today."

"That's fine. We can sit on the beach."

As they walked over, Annabeth noticed Will glancing over his shoulder every few seconds and scanning the beach repeatedly. "Looking for someone?"

"Oh!" Will blushed. "Yeah. But I don't think he's here."

Just as Will spoke, a figure melted out of the treeline and came to sit beside the two of them. Annabeth had seen him, but Will hadn't, and when he turned around he nearly jumped. "Nico! Oh my god! I didn't see you."

Nico shrugged and didn't respond. Annabeth narrowed her eyes at the slightly smaller, shorter boy, who had dark black hair and pale skin. Like so many people she'd seen today, something about him felt quite familiar.

"Hey Will," he said quietly. "Who's this?"

She reached out her hand. "Annabeth Chase. I'm here as a counselor. What about you?"

Nico shrugged and ignored Annabeth's hand, so Will responded for him. "He's a sort of... hmm, I guess you could call it a floater? He sort of fills in wherever we need him to, and the rest of the time he…" Will trailed off.

"I do what I want," Nico finished.

Annabeth nodded. "I feel like I've seen you before. Did you ever come to camp?"

Will answered again. "Nico didn't, but his sister did. Were you ever in a cabin with Bianca di Angelo?"

"Oh yeah! I think I was one year. Is she here?" Annabeth spun around, almost hoping Bianca would slip out of the forest just like Nico had, almost like a shadow.

But when she turned back, she wasn't entirely prepared for what she heard. Nico was glaring at Will, but he answered Annabeth. "She's dead."

"Oh," Annabeth said, her voice suddenly very small. She didn't miss when Will murmured an apology to Nico under his breath. It didn't feel like much of a surprise then, when Nico got up to leave just a few moments later.

Will's gaze lingered on Nico's retreating form. Annabeth was no Piper, but she could tell that there was something in Will's gaze. Feeling a little brave, she asked "are you two friends?"

Will snorted. "I wish. Nico barely talks to anyone."

Choosing to explore this topic later, Annabeth turned her attention back to the lake. The sight only made her stomach drop: they had all started a game of chicken, and Kayla was sitting on Percy's shoulders, screaming with excitement as she fought to push Katie off of Travis Stoll.

"Are you friends with Percy?" Will asked.

"It's sorta complicated."

"Oh, now you have to tell me."

Annabeth laughed. Part of her wanted to confide in someone other than Piper and begin to explore the strangeness of the past few months, but Annabeth knew better than that. She liked Will, but Annabeth knew she wasn't here to start dating Percy again, and those feelings would only be intensified if she told him about it. She was here to get better, and the less she thought about Percy, the faster that would happen. "It's really nothing. We were friends for a while and then we grew apart when I spent a year in San Francisco. We kinda became closer this year and for a brief second I thought something may happen but it didn't. It's very boring."

Will looked disappointed, but Annabeth could tell she'd effectively crushed his interest in the subject. If only Annabeth could do the same with herself.

That night at dinner, Annabeth felt a little better when she saw Chiron, the camp director and one of her favorite people from her childhood. The camp felt strangely empty without all the little kids who'd be running around it in a few days, but Annabeth knew she'd tire of them quickly enough.

"How have you been, my dear?" Chiron asked. His eyes scanned the dining hall, lingering on a particularly loud table containing Kayla and, of course, Percy.

"Okay, I guess," Annabeth shrugged. She took another bite of lasagna and tried to resist the instinct to catalogue its caloric value. "Looking forward to senior year."

Chiron's eyes still refused to look at Annabeth, but they snapped to Will Solace when he sat down at their table. "Oh, hello Will. Have you seen Nico?"

Will shook his head. "I think he grabbed something from the kitchens."

"Mm. Make sure he shows up at breakfast."

Will bowed his head in agreement as Annabeth had a sickening realization: Will had been assigned to the problem cases at camp. Her, with all her eating stuff. Nico, who wouldn't talk to anyone. Great. Annabeth loved being a problem.

She forced herself to quickly swallow the last bite of her dinner, just so Will could only accuse her of eating too quickly instead of not joining the clean plate club, and stood up. "I'm tired. I think I'm going to head to bed early."

Chiron looked at her, surprised. "But what about the campfire?"

She shook her head. "Not today. Maybe tomorrow." Even as she said it, Annabeth felt sick. As cheesy as they were, the campfire had been one of her favorite parts of camp. That little jealous, naggy voice in Annabeth couldn't stand the thought of sitting through an entire campfire where Kayla sat next to Percy and constantly flirted with him.

"Alright," Chiron agreed. "Well, you've had a long day. Do you need someone to show you back?"

"No, I can find it," Annabeth said, already walking away. Just as she opened the door to leave the dining hall, she swore she could hear someone call for her to wait, but she continued, sure it was some odd echo.

But as she found herself moving away from the dining hall and towards the tents, someone called out louder "Annabeth! Wait up!" She recognized the voice, but she didn't stop walking.

Percy eventually caught up with her, grabbing onto her wrist. "Hey, wait! Are you wearing headphones or something?"

Annabeth shook her hand out of his grasp, feeling all her annoyance with herself and the camp and Will and Chiron and everyone else began to bubble out of her. "Why should I stop? So you can be angry at me?" She knew she was being irrational, but it felt good to finally focus on something, to have a conversation that was not bland small talk or an intimate discussion of her diet and deep fear of gaining weight. Suddenly, Annabeth was reminded why she loved being around Percy: he made everything feel sharper and more real, allowing her to unlock emotions and experiences previously unavailable. Anger and passion and even love, Annabeth began to admit, weren't that far apart on the emotional spectrum, and Percy made her feel all three.

Percy took a step back, his eyes narrowed. "I wasn't going to do that, no. Where did that come from? Are you okay?"

"Then why come out here? Why, when you can just go flirt with Kayla some more?" Annabeth spun around and kept walking, now breathing hard. She had purposefully ignored his questions with zero intention of answering them. It felt like the conversation they'd needed for months: all the anger and resentment that had built up by the relationship ruined so suddenly. Even then, Annabeth knew what she said had been a low blow, and mostly untrue.

But, of course, he walked after her. "I wasn't flirting with her. And you were doing the same with Will!"

Was he actually jealous? "Oh, calm down. Will doesn't like me. He likes Nico,"

"Wait. He does? That kid with the dark hair who doesn't say much?"

Suddenly realizing that she may have said something she shouldn't have, Annabeth lowered her voice. Arguments, especially with Percy, were exhausting. His obliviousness just had a way of making him cute instead of making her angry. "Yeah. I think so. I'm not sure. Don't mention it, though. Maybe he's just following him around because Chiron asked him to look after all the problem cases at camp this year."

She didn't realize how dejected and upset she sounded until she heard Percy's response. "You're not a problem."

She resisted the urge to scoff. "Tell that to my dad. Or my therapist."

Percy reached out again and took her hand, but this time, Annabeth didn't pull away. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I don't know."
"We're friends, Annabeth."

"Well, you haven't been much of a friend these past few months." It was mean, and Annabeth knew it, but it felt good to spit something out that she knew would hurt.

Percy glared at her. "Because I was giving you space. I was waiting for you to come to me."

Annabeth didn't realize she was crying until she heard it in her voice. "Well, maybe I needed you around."

"Annabeth–"

"You have no idea what these past few months have been like! You don't know what's been going on! A friend would have been there! A boy–" She was going to say more, but let out a sob instead.

She wondered if he'd heard what she'd been about to say. But he just froze up. Oh yes, his kryptonite: crying girls. Annabeth almost laughed. But she was shocked at what he did next: instead of running off, he squeezed her hand. "Then tell me. Let me be there. I'm– I'm sorry, that I wasn't there. I thought you didn't want me."

How could I not want you? How can I be around you for a single second and not want to be with you all the time? But Annabeth couldn't say that aloud. So instead, all that came out was "I'm tired. And I'm sorry." I'm sorry that I'm not enough. I'm sorry that I'm mean and I say terrible things when I don't mean them. I'm sorry I'm not Kayla and I'm not fun and funny and exciting and interesting to be around. I'm sorry that all I thought about was food a few months ago. I'm sorry that it's still all I think about, even if I'm trying not to. And I'm sorry that I hurt you. Most of all I'm sorry about that.

Annabeth didn't know how Percy would ever begin to comprehend what she meant.

"I'll walk you to your tent," he said.

"Okay," she said, and let him lead her there in the dark.

Annabeth was a better counselor then she thought she would be. Surprisingly, the little girls who grabbed onto her ankles every day and insisted she hang out with them thought Annabeth was way cooler than she was, and she took pretty easily to the job. They could be remarkably annoying at times, but Annabeth learned how to put up with them: different tactics like building fairy houses and promises to go to the lake seemed to work, as did extra dessert after dinner.

She often found herself with Will, who had become a strange and surprising friend. Spending time with Will often meant also spending time with Nico, who always seemed to show up when the camp doctor was around, despite never saying much. Additionally, Kayla had latched onto Annabeth, seeing her as a blank slate for her to create a friend with.

To be fair to Kayla, it probably wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been made co-counselors. Annabeth was nice to Kayla, but she was still surprised by how insistent and excited the girl was about hanging out with her. Annabeth had never seen Kayla let down her constant charm and cheer for even a second, and there were moments where she'd rather hang out with the campers than her co-counselor. She'd had to get rid of her early resentment about Kayla's constant flirting with Percy, which had seemed to die down as the summer went on with Percy's non-responses to her advances. Annabeth pretended not to notice, but she had, and couldn't stop herself from calling it a tiny "win" in her book.

She'd been down to the city for her visits with Joanna and her weigh-ins, but the entire time she had wished for nothing more than to return back to Camp High Bow, where far less people looked at her like she was a problem.

Annabeth had gotten used to Will's company. He was always fine with her odd silences and never pressed her to talk about anything she didn't want to, which made him much easier to be around than Kayla. But even more surprising was the relationships Annabeth formed with the other counselors, who actually seemed to like her company, shocking Annabeth. When she told Will this, he rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me that. You have this dry wit that a lot of people love. And you're so, so smart! You keep things interesting. Plus, you never take any shit from the Stoll brothers."

Annabeth laughed. "I guess."

"You guess? Oh, come on. Don't give me any more of that personal pity."

Everything had suddenly simplified in Annabeth's life, except for Percy. They didn't talk for a few days after the first night, and it wasn't until they had to start leading weekly archery lessons that Annabeth was reminded why they worked so well together in the first place, and also the many problems they needed to sort out.

Despite having attended camp for longer than almost anyone, Percy was the worst bow shot Annabeth had ever seen. Instead of working with their own bows, many of the campers just chose to laugh at Percy and his complete inability to hit even the largest target. It got to the point that Percy would purposefully mess up just to have Annabeth come over and correct him, which she did, not without the least bit of teasing involved.

"I can't remember which way it goes."

"Oh, don't give me that. I literally just told you."

Percy hit her with the big puppy dog eyes. "Please, Annabeth?"

One of Percy's campers, a ten year old boy who was just starting to get comfortable around girls, whined behind him, "Pleeeeeeeease, An-nuhbeth?" It elicited a chorus of laughter from the surrounding kids, and Percy playfully looked behind him to find the culprit.

"Who said that? Who was it?"

Fingers were pointed to the offending child, who instantly turned and sprinted as quickly as he could to get away from a Percy dead-set on revenge. Falling back with her girl campers, Annabeth laughed as Percy chased after the kid and gave him what she could only really describe as a noogie.

"Annabeth?" the girls asked as soon as the boys were occupied. "Do you like Percy?"

Annabeth's first response would have been Fuck. Is it that obvious? But she was used to the girls by now, who really just wanted to see the counselors date and asked about it constantly. This was, however, the first time she'd been asked about Percy. "I like him…" Annabeth paused to garner some interest, and the girls nodded their heads eagerly. "As a friend," she finished, to the disappointed groans of the girls.

"Oh come on, we see how you look at him!"

"What? What did I miss? How does Annabeth look at who?" Percy asked, coming back finally with the camper thrown over his back, screaming happily at his predicament.

"Did you learn how to fire a bow while you were gone?" Annabeth smiled up at him.

"Hmm, let me think," Percy said, swinging the kid back down on the ground. "No."

"Then sorry, I won't tell you. Precious information for people who can hit bullseyes only."

Percy staggered around like he'd been wounded by Annabeth's words, which the kids loved. It made Annabeth smile too. She'd never noticed how good Percy was with kids before.

Annabeth laughed. "Alright, guys. Everybody grab your backpacks, let's go back to dinner."

The cabins began to walk back towards the dining pavilion, and Annabeth lingered in the back with Percy. She pretended not to notice when his hand brushed hers, and instead said the first thing that she thought of. "Guess what the girls asked me."

"What?"

"They asked if I liked you."
Annabeth had been expecting Percy to laugh or joke, but instead she was hit with the opposite. He was totally, totally silent for five or so seconds, before he said quietly "And what did you say?"

"I just said I… it doesn't matter. Percy– they're ten. They were joking."

"No. I know."

"You know that–"
"Can we please not talk about this right now? I'm hungry." Percy sprinted ahead, and Annabeth tried to catch up with the campers, feeling strange, almost empty.

The weekend of the exact halfway point of camp held a special tradition for the counselors: they got to go on a one night backpacking trip, and the camp administration generally turned a blind eye to anything that happened. Annabeth had heard whispers of the Stoll brothers leading camp in the dead of night to get "supplies" from the nearest town, and all the counselors had been praying for the camp week to end as quickly as possible. Will had even managed to get Nico to come, claiming it was a tradition for all the counselors to participate.

Annabeth was nervous. She hadn't exercised in a few months, as Joanna and her father thought it would trigger some of her unhealthier habits. She knew they were probably right, but she still felt uncomfortable at the thought of exercise. She tried to get Will on board with her not going, but he hadn't helped at all.

"No, I actually spoke to Joanna and we both think it's a good idea. I'll hike with you the entire time and check in, so you don't have to worry about that. There are entire recovery communities built around spending time in the outdoors. I think it's a good idea to try it out."

"Really? Seems strange."

Will shook his head. "Look into them when you're home next time. But trust me, the trip is a good idea, and I know you'll have way more fun there than you would going back to the city for the weekend."

A few drivers had dropped them off at the beginning hiking point about twenty miles away from camp. As they unloaded their packs, Will tossed Annabeth two massive granola bars and an apple. "Here, some healthy carbs and sugar. You're going to need the energy."

Annabeth gave him a blank look. Were two granola bars really necessary? And the apple wouldn't add anything of value, anyways. A few months ago, Annabeth rarely counted fruit into her daily caloric count. "Will, I'm really not that hungry."
"I saw you at breakfast, Annabeth."

"Okay, but that was only because it was gross. I never want to eat a frittata again."

"Not the point. Eat."

And that was that. Annabeth ate. And she was surprised to notice that barely two hours later, after a fairly strenuous uphill section, she asked Will if he had any other snacks in his bag.

"I was just waiting for you to ask," he grinned, tossing her a packet of beef jerky. Annabeth didn't hesitate and ripped it open. There were many, many long miles of hiking ahead, and she needed to have the energy to get through it. She never wanted to feel like she used to after those cycling classes ever again– ready to faint from exhaustion, her stomach dropping out on the subway ride home.

She kept moving. In her head, she sang songs from her childhood, music her dad used to play on roadtrips. When that got old, she chanted over and over one more step, one more step, one more step. She heard Will and Nico (mostly Will) talking, but their conversation faded into background noise as Annabeth hiked upwards. Not quickly. She was nowhere near the fastest group of Percy and Charles Beckendorf. But she continued.

Annabeth had been trying to "recover" for so long, she'd forgotten what it really meant. But she didn't realize this until they crested the mountaintop and she was struck with the surrounding view: different peaks in the Catskills spreading for miles and miles, and the wind blew in her hair and made her shiver. She asked Will if he had another granola bar.

"Actually," he grinned, "it's time to stop for lunch."

Annabeth remembered the early signs of her eating disorder. She remembered nights dreaming about what she would eat the next morning. She remembered caloric calculations on the subway ride. She remembered eating her entire lunch in first period physics. She remembered starving herself until dinner. She remembered late night binges in the apartment.

Annabeth had thought that in all those moments, she'd been excited to eat. But she wasn't excited to eat.

She was scared.

She'd been terrified of what food could do to her. She'd been terrified of the power that she thought it held. She'd ran from it and clung to it at the same time, claiming it as her greatest power as it ruined every relationship that could have meant something to her.

Very consciously, she heard herself say the word No in her head. Then, just to make sure it was real, she said it out loud. "No."

"What?" Will turned around. "Did I do something?"

Annabeth couldn't keep the smile off her face.

Will frowned. "What's wrong with you? I've never once seen that smile. Is Percy around here or something?"

"Shut up," Annabeth blushed. "Don't worry about it. I was talking to myself."

She wasn't lying. For the first time in months, Annabeth was excited to eat.

Once they finally reached the campsite, Annabeth's elation had dimmed slightly, but she could still feel the pleasant surprise in her body. Will could sense something too, she could tell. He kept smiling at her and occasionally would pat her arm and say "I'm really proud of you." Annabeth rolled her eyes.

After they had sent up the tents and sleeping bags, the counselors gathered around for dinner and the smuggled goods the Stolls had brought. Annabeth wasn't sure why they were crazy enough to lug up a few handles of alcohol in addition to their heavy packs, but she wasn't entirely opposed.

With a few "responsible" counselors staying sober for the night to tend to the fire and the drunk people, the annual Camp High Bow Counselor Backpacking Trip, with the accompanying theme of let's get shitfaced in the woods, began. As it got darker and the fire grew, Annabeth found herself more and more swayed by the laughter and conversation of her fellow counselors. She hadn't wanted to admit it at first, but she liked her colleagues. She stuck with Will at first but motivated herself to branch out. She even took a shot with Kayla and didn't need a chaser.

Of course, the missing link was Percy. He was there, of course, drinking and hanging out with Grover and some of his other friends, but he stayed mainly on the periphery. Annabeth would have been lying if she said she didn't feel his eyes occasionally on her, especially when she was talking to some of the male counselors.

As it got darker, she heard someone yell out, "Who's up for a game of truth or dare?"

A few people groaned. "What is this, middle school?"

"Hey!" called out Kayla. "It'll be fun. And we can stop if it sucks."

Will shrugged his shoulders at Annabeth, as if to ask if she would play. She nodded. "Why not? Might be interesting."

The group settled into a circle around the fire. Kayla, clearly the leader of the proceedings, looked at everyone with a big smile. "I don't need to explain the rules, correct?"

"Of course not! Let's just start!"

Kayla grinned. "You heard the people. Who starts? How about Connor?"

Connor Stoll grinned. "Uh. Let's start easy. Truth?"

A few more groans could be heard around the circle. "What?!" Connor demanded. "It's a fine choice."

"Fine, fine," Kayla corralled everyone again. "Alright. Here's my question. Girl and guy please: please name the two people you find most attractive in this circle.?"

Connor glanced briefly around. "Interesting. Well, obviously for guy, I'm going with Travis because he looks like me-"

Everyone groaned. "Connor, that's incest."

"Fine, fine. Most attractive dude. I'm going to have to say my good friend Will Solace right over there! He's got those nice eyes and pretty hair. Plus, he's a future doctor, so he'll be making good money."

Kayla rolled her eyes. "And girl?"

Connor took a much longer look around the circle. "Annabeth."

Annabeth narrowed her eyebrows in surprise, but then she laughed. "Excuse me?"

"Yep, totally," Connor said again. "Annabeth. She's got that California blonde thing going on but she's also crazy smart and could probably kill me at any second—"

Annabeth laughed, but she couldn't deny she felt the tiniest bit flattered. Not that Connor was anywhere even near her type, but she did appreciate the compliment. She couldn't stop herself from taking a tiny glance at Percy, because normally his emotions showed so strongly on his face. Would he be jealous, or annoyed, or some other level of anger Annabeth hadn't seen him unlock yet?

His face was blank. Almost impassive. Annabeth didn't know what to think at first, but immediately her brain started into overdrive. He had no expression because he didn't care, and if he didn't care that meant that he didn't like her anymore. She forced herself to look away. But now Connor's compliment meant absolutely nothing. Her stomach felt very heavy. She motioned for Will to pass her a drink.

The game went on for a few more rounds but Annabeth didn't pay too much attention. Katie Gardner climbed a tree, a few people confessed crushes. It was, all in all, a very standard version of truth or dare. She stopped paying attention until it was Kayla's turn.

"Dare," she answered confidently.

Michael Yew, the dar-er, responded "Kiss the most attractive person in the circle."

Kayla popped up so quickly she must have been on a string. She walked slowly around the circle, pretending to choose, but Annabeth's stomach had already sunk. She knew exactly who Kayla was going to choose.

She just didn't know what Percy would do in response.

Kayla took forever, but very predictably, she said "I choose Percy."

Catcalls bounced around the circle, and one of the boys wolf-whistled. Percy grinned, but Annabeth sensed a slight degree of discomfort on his face.

Or maybe she imagined it, because then Kayla leaned down and kissed him.

To his credit: the kiss didn't last very long. And Percy was the first to pull away, after just a second. And there was no tongue involved, as Annabeth's hyperactive brain had figured out. They were some disappointed shouts from counselors as the kiss ended, but Percy waved them off. Then he wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand as Kayla sat back down, a 1000 watt grin on her face.

Will squeezed Annabeth's hand. "You okay?"

She nodded.

It was a godsend when truth and dare finally ended, and everyone retreated to their own smaller corners of the party. Sitting down in a circle with the Stoll brothers, Katie Gardner, and Will, Annabeth was challenged to drink straight from one of the vodka bottles.

Even though Annabeth was aware she was really just drowning her sorrows and jealousy, on the surface she felt like she was having a pretty good time. She had found out tonight that she wasn't quite as much of a lightweight when she had actually eaten dinner, so the alcohol had pushed her to the far end of tipsy, giving a heaviness to her head and odd lightness to her body. So, to the surrounding shouts of "CHUG, CHUG, CHUG," she drank a little bit before she knew it had been (probably) more than enough and set the bottle back down.

"Oh, come on smartypants, I knew you had more in you!" cried Connor. He stared directly at Annabeth, his smirk clear on his face. He leaned in slightly.

A realization flashed in Annabeth's head. He was flirting with her. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the desire for attention, that made Annabeth lean in and do what she did next. She gave him a coy smile and reached for the bottle again. "Sure about that, Connor?"

He grinned as Annabeth took a tiny swig, before pushing the bottle as far as she could away from her. She hissed at the sting in her throat. "Okay, maybe I'm not as much of a heavyweight as I thought."

Connor laughed loudly, causing several heads to turn their way across the clearing. "It's okay, Chase. We'll get you there soon enough. But Annabeth: first you smoke weed at a school dance. Then you get drunk as a camp counselor! Tsk tsk! What's happening to you?"

Annabeth grinned, and then giggled. "Good things, Travis!"

"Connor."

"Good things, Connor! Good things are happening toooooo," she drew out the word, waving her finger around before pointing it back at herself, "to me!"

Connor nearly fell over, he was laughing so hard. "Get this girl another drink!" He yelled out, to nobody in particular.

Annabeth would have taken the drink, anything Connor had given her. But before she could she felt a heavy hand settle on her shoulder. She swiveled her head around to look up at the culprit. Percy was crouched behind Annabeth, his eyes firmly trained on her's. "Hey," he whispered. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Annabeth's mouth went dry. "Uh, sure," she said, before her thoughts caught up with her mouth.

Percy grinned, that perfect troublemaker's smirk. Annabeth cursed silently.

If you need help, please contact the following:

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)

where-do-i-start-0

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, it's been a minute. I apologize. Thank you all for sticking with me and your kind reviews and PMs that made me want to continue writing with a truly mind-numbing case of writer's block. I hope this chapter does the story justice :)

At least half credit for this chapter goes to Taylor Swift's most recent album, folklore. I mean... wow. I chose between exile, my tears ricochet, and cardigan for the central song of this chapter, and it was not easy. I started listening to the rest of her discography and let's all hope for some Cruel Summer, Lover, and You Are In Love moments coming up in this story, no? And speaking of Cruel Summer: look at the lyrics and look at the title of this chapter and maybe I put a little Taylor Swift-style hint into this chapter (hmmmmm).

If you love Taylor, let me know which folklore/anything else from his discography best fits this story in your opinion!

Let me know what you think about camp... about Kayla... about Annabeth's recovery... about the walk that our lovely main characters are about to take.

Much love,
Emily