I'm so glad you all liked this new story so much! So here's chapter 2! The song used here is And Still by Reba McEntire. Enjoy

And still

The world stood still

I couldn't move

And all I could feel

Was this aching in my heart

Saying I loved him

Still

Olivia was walking down the sidewalk, having just dropped the kids off at school, she was on her way to the therapist's office for her individual session. Her day off would start with therapy and hopefully end in a relaxing bubble bath. She looked up from her phone and saw Trevor. She stopped in her tracks, her mouth went dry and she darted into an alleyway and caught her breath, tears burning at her eyes. She closed her eyes and let a few minutes pass before checking to assure he was gone. Once she was sure the coast was clear she walked back out and continued on to her destination.

She sat in the waiting room, her anxiety heightened, tears still burning her eyes, and emotion caught in her throat. She saw the door open and she stood up waiting for her therapist to call her in, when she did she sat on the couch and buried her head in her hands and finally let the tears fall. She let out a few sobs and sat back up and wiped her eyes and caught her breath. "I'm sorry."

The therapist smiled. "You're in therapy, Olivia. You're allowed to cry." She tilted her head slightly. "You want to talk about it?"

Olivia looked anywhere but at her therapist's eyes. "I saw Trevor. On the way here. I didn't talk to him or approach him, but I saw him and—" she let out a sob. "I saw him."

The therapist nodded. "That brought up some emotions for you."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I froze, my knees buckled. I was able to duck into an alleyway before he saw me. I stood against that wall and it felt like a knife in my heart." She took in a sharp inhale of breath. "I love him, I do, with all of my heart, and seeing him, not here and not in a context that he hurt me, all those feelings came rushing back and—" she shook her head. "You know I always thought that when I got married, that was it. I'd never find another man. I wouldn't want to. And I don't want to. I will never find another love like Trevor. Ever. I know that. I don't want to divorce him. I don't, but I don't think it's so unreasonable to ask him not to call me the one name that hurts me so badly. I've even told him he can call me anything else. Just not that. But he continually goes back to it. He's broken his promise not to hurt me. Over and over and over and I kept telling him the next time he did it I was gone, and I finally followed through." She cried and buried her head in her hands again. "I don't want anyone but Trevor. I want to feel his arms around me. My sleep habits are terrible now, because I don't have him. I don't have that safety he provided me anymore."

The therapist listened intently. "Olivia, it is not unreasonable to ask that Trevor not call you that name. It's not unreasonable to expect Trevor to keep his promises."

Olivia sniffled. "I've told him that he can call me a bitch all he wants. I've been called that so many times by so many different people that it means nothing anymore." She shrugged. "I think porn star hurts because the only two people who have ever called me that were men I loved so deeply." She shook her head. "My partner… we were partners for 12 years, and I loved him with everything I had. There was no room for anyone else, between him and the job. I craved him. And when we did finally sleep together… it was okay, but he was selfish, and I was vocal anyway, even though it did nothing for me. He acted like he loved it and then when we weren't in the bedroom, when we were hanging out with anyone else he'd make it a point to make fun of me for it. The first time Trevor called me a porn star we were in Chicago and we'd just finished an amorous romp and he told me I was so sexy. When I asked what was sexy about me he told me it was my moan and I was like a porn star," she looked at the floor and shrugged. "He left the hotel room after we got into a fight, I put on lingerie and a robe and found him in the hotel lobby playing piano. If he wanted a porn star I'd give him one," she rolled her eyes at herself. "I explained all this to him. He promised he'd never do it again, and then he did."

The therapist nodded. "Tell me about the next time."

Olivia shook her head. "We'd finished having sex and he was in a mood and I didn't understand why but he said he wasn't in the mood to talk or for sex, but it was hard to say no when your wife fucks like a porn star." She wiped her eyes. "For the record, that sexual encounter was fully consensual. I initiated it but he told me he wanted me. He told me how sexy I was and how much he loved everything I did for him."

The therapist sat back. "So it seems like the first time was a slip of the tongue, but after that it was a way to make you feel bad and a way to hurt you."

Olivia nodded but didn't make eye contact. "That's why we're here."

The therapist nodded. "Okay, my question for you now is do you think that there would ever be a time when being called a porn star would roll off your back the way being called a bitch does?"

Olivia shrugged. "I've been called a bitch since I was ten, I don't know that I'll get used to being called a porn star. Even if I were to be called one for four decades I don't think the sting would go away. Especially not coming from Trevor."

The therapist nodded. "Alright, so that's something, the next time we have a group session, I want you to express to Trevor, okay?" She saw Olivia nod. "Keep journaling, and take care of yourself, okay?"

Olivia nodded. "I was planning on a relaxing day today, and then I bumped into Trevor," she bit her bottom lip. "I know it still can be a relaxing day, but I need to do something to keep him off my mind or I'm afraid I'm going to want some kind of contact with him. I am so glad that I saw him on my way here, it gave me something to not have contact with him. Right now I want nothing more than to run to his arms and kiss him." She wiped her eyes. "And beg him to come home and tell him I'm sorry and that I love him. I was alone my whole life until Trevor, surrounded by people but so alone, and I don't want to be alone again."

The therapist smiled. "You are not going to text him, Olivia. What you're going to is you're going to write him letters. Any time you want to text him, write him a letter. If you give it to him and when is your business, but during this reset if you want to give it to him, you have to give it to him here. That counts as communication, so it is done here."

Olivia nodded. "Understood." She wiped her eyes. "I feel like such a hypocrite, I kick my husband out of our house and I'm sitting here sobbing because I saw him on the street and telling our marriage therapist that I'm deeply in love with him and don't know how to live without him." She took a sharp inhale. "I sound so hypocritical don't I?"

The therapist gave a small smile. "It's more common than you'd think. I think you're hurting but from looking at you, I see how much you love him." She looked at her. "But we're going to get your marriage on track. Okay?"

Olivia nodded and wiped her eyes. "Okay," she took a deep breath. "Maybe the bath I had planned for tonight is going to happen before I pick up the kids," she wiped her eyes again. "So, what's next?"

The therapist smiled. "Believe it or not that was the hour, we're done for today. I'll see you in a couple days with Trevor. Go home, take care of yourself, journal, and once you pick up the kids, have a fun night with your kids. And if you want to text or call Trevor, write him a letter. Okay? And we'll do another individual session next week, same time?"

Olivia stood up. "Thank you, I'll see you in a couple days." She picked you her bag and walked out of the office and hailed a taxi home. She walked into her apartment and moved to the bedroom and took out some comfy clothes, getting into the tub, setting an alarm to pick up the kids and she closed her eyes.

This day was meant to be relaxing and empowering, and it started off with a rush of emotions she couldn't act on. She felt tears well up in her eyes again. "How did I get here?" She looked up at the ceiling and if she closed her eyes and stayed still long enough, she could feel his arms around her, she could feel herself leaning against him. "What did I do?" She let out a breath. She grabbed her phone and pulled up a message and she almost caved. She was so close, but she closed the message quickly and opened the notes app on her phone and she typed out what she wanted to say.

Trevor,

My love. I miss you, I miss you holding me, waking me up with a kiss. I miss talking to you and laughing with you. I miss you. All of you. I've spent my day sobbing. I saw you today, on my way to Dr. Wyatt's office and I haven't been able to keep you out of my head. What I wouldn't give to feel your arms around me right now, to hear you whisper in my ear how much you love me. Not being able to have that is killing me. I'm alone again. I finally found a companion and a partner and a confidante in you, and I shattered it. But I can't keep getting hurt. That name, falling from your lips, tears me apart and I can't keep doing it. But I'm not strong enough to do this without you. I put on a good front, but I'm crying myself to sleep every night, and I can't sleep for long. I don't have the safety of your arms around me. I need us to work out. I need you back home, with me. I love you with all that I am, Trevor. Please don't give up on us.

She wiped her eyes and slipped into her clothes, yoga pants and a t-shirt. One of his t-shirts she made sure to keep in their dresser when she put his things in a trash bag. She wrapped her arms around herself and lay on the bed and cried until she fell asleep.

She heard her alarm go off and she woke up, wiping her eyes. She threw her hair in a messy bun and put on shoes and walked outside with her bag and phone to go pick up her kids. She'd have something to keep her mind off of Trevor for the rest of the day. At least until they went to bed. She put on a smile for her kids and hugged them tight and walked home with them, enjoying the conversation of what they did that day and what they wanted for dinner. Pizza won out over tacos, after dinner it was bath time, one at a time of course, a little bit of play time, and then stories and bed. Olivia read more stories than usual, gave in when the kids begged for more stories. Once they were asleep she walked into the master bedroom and climbed under the covers and rested her head on the pillow. "Alone again. It was always too good to be true," she whispered to herself and cried herself into a fitful sleep.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the first one! Leave a review, and I'll see you all next time