Love Struck Delusion

Chapter 287 - We're all having a rough time.

Zeta's POV.

I couldn't feel much of anything but the small trails of blood that were rolling down my wrist. My right hand held my knife and with the damage done that I wanted I just pressed the flat side of the steel overtop the few lines I drew in my skin. My venom was wearing off thanks to this, but I couldn't focus on anything else other than reality.

Raptor was regaining his memory but with it he also had new emotions. The main issue was his depression that quickly followed the realization that what he saw in his coma was all but a lie in the end. I haven't been able to talk to him or see him. Marx and Clamer were doing their best to keep him sheltered. Hecan from time to time got a word with him, but I have no idea what that man is thinking. All I know is what they told me.

Raptor was barely saying more than a few words a day. Sentences stopped when it came to his ability to form them. He didn't answer questions and if he did it was a select and very rare few. But the ones he did answer provided no one with an idea as to his mental state. He was distant and he was clearly defeated as far as we could tell. My issue alongside all of that is wondering what will happen in the next few weeks or even the next few days. Recovery was going to take a long time and I think Raptor knew that no matter how much he talks or how much he knows we are listening, that in the end it won't make all the hurt he's in go away.

"Ahhhh…..fuck." I muttered through tears as I tucked myself in my room. Currently standing in the bathroom with my wrist bleeding over into the sink, I shut my eyes and just tried to calm myself down.

"Zeta?"

My head flung back when I heard a voice call my name. And even though I wasn't ready, I managed to relax when the person standing in my room was none other than Clamer. He was standing in the center of my room looking for me, and almost unsure of what to say to him, I just settled with this.

"I'm in here."

The fox slowly walked over till we were face to face. That's when his eyes widened when he saw my wrist. Yet unlike Marx, Clamer didn't panic. He just asked for the truth.

"What are you doing?"

Lowering my eyes back down into the sink, I replied.

"Making sure I still feel pain. That's all."

Clamer came right on over to look at the damage. Sensing he was indeed concerned for my health, I informed him.

"I'm okay. I swear. I just needed some relief."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me as I kept my focus on my wrist to reply.

"About what? Raptor? No not really."

Clamer wasn't dumb, but at the same time he respected me. I understood where he was coming from when he told me this next.

"Talking helps and it appears that maybe you could benifit from a patitent ear."

"I'm just not ready." I replied back as he nodded very slowly. After a few more seconds of silence between us, Clamer proceeded to tell me.

"He's getting better."

Now I shifted my focus on him to question.

"How can you tell? He hasn't said more than a few words. If you ask me doctor I'd say he's just getting worse."

Placing his hand on my shoulder, he replied.

"He's going through the toughest part of recovery right now Zeta. He has to come to terms with what is real and what isn't. I've known Raptor for years now. One of his dreams was to go back in time and try something different. To just see what would have happened. From what I understand that's all he did when he was in that coma. And…...and as hard as it is for me to understand what he's seen, it sounds like whatever he did in that world turned out to be far better then what his reality now is."

I kept my mouth shut as he stated to me next.

"He had a good relationship with Ghost because of it for starters. That alone Zeta I can tell you meant more to him then anything else he's experienced in real life. How would you feel if you restarted from the beginning and fixed all the problems you once had? Just to come back and find out all that happened never really happened. In his dream his family was alive and they were living a healthy life together. Now he's back among us and we had to sit there and tell him they were all dead again. Do you understand what that kind of torture does to a man like him? A person who already hates who they are because of all the wrong things they've done? It's broken him…...and it will take time, but he'll be okay. After all…..he's a god right?"

Unsure of that statement, I questioned him immediately after asking for his take.

"Is he? Up till now that man has been able to do so many things. So many unbelievable things. If he was a god still he wouldn't be just sitting in that bed. I fear something is wrong doc. Something we can't begin to understand."

Clamer's eyes shifted till they matched up with mine. Once together I asked him in tears.

"He's not okay. He's not recovering. Everything you said about what he's gone through is true. He's broken and I don't see a way to fix him. How long doc?"

"How long till what Zeta?" He asked me seriously as I gulped down my own sadness to reply.

"How long till he tries to kill himself?"

Clamer's eyes widened to a point I questioned how they were staying in his skull. Yet I saw the look he gave me shortly after. A man who is supposed to know everything, now knows nothing. He didn't have an answer for me and I feared how long it would take till fate showed me itself.

Raptor's POV, Four weeks later.

My body was so sore I barely could sit up in this bed. Everyone who's seen me begs me to remain still, but I no longer couldn't. Too many thoughts. Too many questions. Too much of everything.

Sitting up was new to me. I haven't tried for so long. Molly who remained at my side this whole time never left me. She was standing up right next to me as I had my legs swung out till they were dangling over the side. Her full focus was on me as I prepared myself to stand. Once I got moving, she jumped off the bed and stood right under me. As if begging me to stop. I couldn't fight her in this shape. All I could do was beg and that's what happened. With my voice almost completely gone from all the sadness I've felt these past few weeks, I begged her.

"Please…...I want to try. Please…..?"

Molly understood and very slowly moved a foot out from under my legs. That's when I took my first chance to stand back up. The moment my legs tried to support my body, I found myself on the floor letting out a growl of immediate pain. Molly followed that up with her barking and with the pain out of the way, I reached forward to place my hand overtop her head. Then came my command.

"I'm okay! Stop barking…..ahhhhh…...please."

Molly struggled to turn off but when she did I tried to move my legs again. This time my reaction had to have been priceless. The sheer amount of pins and needles I got slammed with; brought my voice to a standstill. All I could do was hold my breath and ride it out. The whole time Molly stood right over my head.

"Braf!" She barked as I nodded and replied.

"I'm okay…...give me a minute."

I took two. Then I tried again. This time accomplishing my goal. With help from the nearby bed to support me till I was back in control. My focus then became the room. I still couldn't understand why my powers were gone. It left me feeling defenseless and weak. Yet when I began to limp to the exit, I quickly felt my dog yanking at my ankle. With my attention going back to her, I again tried to convince her that I was okay. It worked after a while. Even if it was just a lie. I was in so much pain. My legs came back together only a few days ago and this was beyond what Marx recommended I try in forms of exercise.

With Molly falling back a foot or two, I nodded my head and took a deep breath to open the door. Outside stood no one. The lights were almost all off in medical. Which meant when it came to the current time, it had to be late at night. And that's where I stood for another minute to catch my breath once again.

Molly did circles around me as I looked left towards the exit. Outside the glass doors, I saw light again. The main lobby no more than a few feet after passing through them. I also knew I would find comrades. Or at the very least, people who would try to stop me. I didn't know what to really do other than stand here. Marx and Clamer were I assume sleeping. Zeta…...I don't remember everything. I just remembered the name and a few others, but it hurt to try and remember everything right now. I was slow and just hoping to give myself the time that was needed to remember reality.

This fucking screwed up and….and outright painful reality.

It took my body a few minutes to reach the exit. But once I had, I slowly opened the door and passed out the other side. Molly was remaining right at my side for each step I took. She even matched my speed and in a way when I looked at her she seemed like she was trying to be motivational. Her body just had that gesture to it as I found myself back in the open lights.

The second I came into view however, I looked up just enough to see a small group of people all turn their heads by the front door. The majority of which looked to be just some workers. But there were armed men in that group. All wearing rebellion uniforms. No patches or anything. I was a little unsure as to why as they just stood; giving me looks of utmost concern as they watched me walk a few feet out from medical.

I stopped myself pretty much when I was centered in the main lobby. My memory was going a mile a minute as I looked up the main stairs to recall the main office being up them. Yet I had no intention of making that climb right now and the people watching me knew it when I had very carefully turned to start limping my way towards them and the main entrance.

It didn't take long for those soldiers watching to shift all their focus on offering me help. Two of which were these much larger men. A wolf I've seen before I think. He always defended this room. At least I think. He was much taller than me. Had to be six foot six. Very built for his species and very gentle all the same. Alongside him walked a heavier set red echidna. Only stood a few inches under his friend, but all the same; spoke to me respectfully, as I was clearly in a bit of pain with every step I took.

"Let me help sir."

I didn't want to talk. The echidna very slowly got a soft hold over my right arm. He held me up mostly as the wolf asked.

"What are you doing out of bed Commander? Is everything alright?"

The pair didn't seem to mind my silence as I kept trying to move towards the exit. With the echidna gently getting alongside me, I said to them quietly.

"I just…..I just want some fresh air. Please…...both of you. I don't want any trouble."

The moment they heard that leave my mouth the men looked at one another. I saw the faces they gave each other in my peripheral vision. They were almost genuinely upset. Maybe that's why the next thing I heard leave their mouths was this.

"Of course sir. We're not trying to stop you."

"Just let us help. You're limping really bad."

I stopped moving when I heard the wolf beg me to let them help me. So after, I looked up at him to respond just as sadly.

"Okay….thank you. Both of you."

"Of course." He replied as his friend continued to help guide me forward without the fear of collapsing, leaving him with the door to get.

My eyes looked back up the moment we stepped outside. All I saw was the moon and for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to move forward. The men with me didn't say anything as they watched and waited for my next move. It took maybe another minute when I started to look around. The outside was a lot more peaceful than I expected. Barely anyone other than workers and a few guards.

"Commander?"

My ears heard the wolf's voice call to me. So very slowly I looked over to see his clearly concerned grin ask me.

"Where do you want to go?"

I was very slow to find an answer to his question. As my eyes looked around, my head was still thumping with each memory slowly coming back all at once. It was painful in its own regard and after some time I replied back to him with a point of my finger.

"Over there…..please."

"Take your time." The echidna begged me as I carefully took my first step towards a bench that sat along the training yard's perimeter.

It took us nearly five minutes to reach it. Each step I took was painful and I could feel my legs swelling up the moment they helped me sit down on the bench.

"Thank you." I whispered to them both as they stood there for a moment to make sure I was okay.

Molly jumped up onto the bench to level herself with me now. The wolf who seemed to be asking most of the questions proceeded to ask me as I reached out to feel both my knees with both of my hands.

"Can I go get you something to drink? Maybe something to eat?"

I nodded my head. The thought of food actually came into my head with such force I forgot the craving. I don't really remember the last time I had the urge to eat anything. Before the wolf could walk away he asked me another question.

"How long do you want to stay here? Should I bring it to you?"

"Yes please. I'm going to be here for a bit."

"Okay." He replied as he walked back to the main building leaving me with the echidna who I told honestly.

"I can't feel my legs anymore."

The man was just as concerned for me as his wolf friend was. Except he came around my other side to sit down next to Molly. Placing his rifle down onto his lap as he replied to my statement.

"Shit, that's not good. How about your arms?"

I nodded as my way to tell him that I could feel them. He picked up on my answer pretty quickly and went on further to ask me.

"How about your back?"

"Painful." I mumbled as he began to pet Molly.

He watched as I curled over in said pain. The swelling from my legs began to kick in and it was almost unbearable. It felt like they both broke again. In time, I began to growl in agony and the echidna watched as tears began to squeeze through my two clamped shut eyes. Then I began to gently shake. Then sob. I'd rather be stabbed. It would feel better. My sobs soon turned into more gentle crying. The echidna reached out to put his hand on my back for support. But from it I began to tilt forward. Enough to make the man jump out of his seat and reach out to catch me with both arms to prevent me from falling.

"Hey! Hey! Hold on!"

His voice begged me to hold him and that's all I could do as he very carefully sat me back up till I was laying back again. My pain was still ungodly, so when I looked back at him I was still crying. Crying and growling as I begged to myself.

"Just make it stop…..for just a few fucking seconds…...grrrrrrrrrrr….stop…..?"

The echidna still held me together as it took a good five or so minutes for my body to relax. Then it felt like I had pins and needles again. If I moved any part of my body besides my head, the unbearable pain came back. So I used everything I had left to calm down my growling and reopen my eyes. Seeing this big dude staring back at me immediately drove my pain away. In both of his eyes he had tears forming of his own. It was at that moment that I came to understand just how much of a pathetic loser I must look like right now.

Commander of a fucking army and I'm crying to a man I don't even know. Or maybe I do but I can't remember. I'm a fucking loser. Why am I still here? I asked myself as I sat back and felt my tears rolling down my face. I couldn't even raise my arm to wipe them away. The pain was too much and I regret doing this now. I should have stayed back in bed.

"You want me to go get help?" The echidna soon asked me as I shook my head and replied back.

"No…?"

It took the man a few seconds to sit back down next to me. When he did my eyes glanced at his sidearm which was resting in a holster along his hip. For a moment I just contemplated the thought of grabbing it and putting two rounds in my head. However the idea left my mind when the wolf came back with both food and Marx. The cat came to my side to just stare at me as the wolf said to me why he was holding a plate of food.

"Got you a little of everything."

"Thank you." I mumbled as I took the plate from him to be told by Marx almost immediately after.

"You shouldn't have gotten up Raptor."

To be honest I was annoyed and I didn't want to hear anything he was saying. So with the food becoming my main focus; I ignored the cat as he went on.

Marx's POV.

"I told you we would practice walking tomorrow morning." Raptor wouldn't even look at me. He was slumped over himself just trying to put food onto his fork. The two men with us kept quiet as I proceeded to inform Raptor of the danger of not listening to me.

"You walked here all by yourself? Raptor your legs are still recovering. They can't hold you up on their own yet. You need to use crutches and even with that you need to pace yourself. A few feet a day. Not a goddamn mile. All that time spent resting in bed was wasted."

Raptor was ignoring me and I knew him well enough to either think that was because I was annoying him or it was him simply being depressed enough to ignore me. But according to the wolf who woke me up to this problem, Raptor was just talking to them. So I kinda felt annoyed a little myself seeing as he was choosing to ignore me and my advice. So taking a deep breath as he just took his first bite, I knelt down and leveled myself with where he was looking. His eyes took a moment to find mine, but when they did I asked him calmly.

"Do I need to stop talking like a doctor to ya? Do you want me to just be blunt and pretend like it isn't my job to look after you in this condition?"

Raptor stopped chewing just to stare at me in silence as my question formed in his head. So seeing this as a moment to be blunt with him, I just cut off my normal respectful and caring tone and told him how it was in a way he understood.

"You're reckless. Reckless and stubborn. You never listen to me. You never take my advice. But listen here Raptor, for once you need to listen to me. You need to stop being this way. Do you want to recover sometime soon? Or would you rather keep being in pain? Because I know right now that after that walk you just took, your legs are going to be killing you. Probably all the way through the night now." Raptor's eyes began to look down. It was then that I reached out to gently slap under his chin.

"Look here." I ordered him as he was caught off guard. With his eyes back on mine, I asked him again but louder.

"Do you want to recover?"

"Yeah….?" He mumbled as I nodded then said to him.

"Then fucking listen to me. We're going back inside. You can eat and once you're done I'm going to give you another sedative to numb the pain and help you go back to sleep. In the morning I'll see where you're at and maybe we can try walking again. Okay?"

Raptor nodded and I took that for what it was. It was at the very least progress. Looking back up at the wolf, I asked him and his friend calmly while standing back up.

"Can you gentlemen help us get back to medical?"

"Of course." The wolf replied as I urged them.

"I'll take your food Raptor. You two should each take a side and help him walk. Raptor? You take as long as you need to move, but don't put too much pressure on your legs. I don't care if this takes an hour. Are you ready?" I asked him as each of his guards got around him. In about thirty seconds Raptor nodded his head and went to stand. It was there that his friends got most of the control over him and together we began our trip back inside the capital.

mT Shadow.