Lovestruck Part II

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Previously: Levi tells Hange he might be sick and she tells him he's in love. He refuses initially, then gives in. He decides not to tell Petra and keep it secret.

Damn, Lovestruck Part I was literally 50 chapters ago!

It took a lot of willpower not to stomp over to Petra and punch the idiot hitting on her.

Normally he would have ignored such a display. It wasn't exactly uncommon. But it was the first time Levi had caught a guy daring to touch her hair. And the only reason he did it was because she allowed it. Jealousy burned in him at the sight and he couldn't breathe for a second. Petra giggled at whatever he said and leaned forward, placing her hand on his chest. Levi felt like someone punched him in the gut.

Agonizing as it was to watch, he couldn't leave. His feet refused to move and stayed planted in the spot. Then the man's head bowed slowly and she reached up. Levi ripped his eyes away and suddenly, it was easy to flee. He did not want to see that and have the image stuck in his head, tormenting him.

Levi was wary of Eren. The boy was too much of a loose cannon and lacked discipline. It irked him to see the teen following Petra around like a damn puppy. Eren was already taller than him and Levi knew many of the female members around the boy's age thought the blockhead was good looking. It reminded Levi of the fact was he considerably older than Petra, making him even more annoyed.

He felt a lot better when he noticed Eren constantly glancing over at his female teammate during training like a little boy looking for approval from his mother. Their relationship, Levi realized, was more familial than romantic. Not to mention she already had a boyfriend.

Whenever he noticed Petra treating Eren with warmth and kindness, it stirred an odd longing in his chest. He had not seen her in such a caring role before. He was sure she was friendly with all the recruits she met, being the good-hearted person she was, but he had never seen it happen right before his eyes and all the time. It made her even more attractive to him for reasons he was too scared to consider.

"How have you been doing?" Hange asked as they sipped tea in the empty mess hall.

"I'm feeling alright. I didn't catch the flu that's been going around." Levi knew her inquiry had to do with a different matter.

Hange had seen him suffering silently over the past few weeks. It was absolutely adorable and frustrating, watching Levi pinning over Petra. And Petra, it seemed, was completely oblivious. At first, she couldn't believe it. Part of her had thought Petra had a tiny crush on her captain but as Hange tried to find out more, it was clear the redhead only felt admiration and awe for Levi.

Levi could tell what was coming and quickly stood, downing his tea. "I need to see to my horse."

The expedition was the next day and many of the Scouts were doing some last minute preparations. Levi's ritual before an expedition involved brushing his horse, finding comfort in the rhythmic, calming motions.

For the first time in years, he felt an uneasiness he had only experienced on his first expedition. Considering how well that had worked out, he wasn't too optimistic about the coming day. Levi shook his head. He couldn't let Hange's words get to him.

His squad, the Special Ops Squad, was different from his first one. He and his friends had been naive and distracted and arrogant. But it's not the squad that has you up at night, more restless than ever. Gritting his teeth, he scowled, ignoring the stupid voice in his head. It'll be fine. We'll be fine.

Light footsteps approached the stall and he knew who it was before she spoke. "Captain Levi." Petra stood before the stall. "Commander Erwin would like to see you, sir."

"Okay." Just as he was about to dismiss her, he changed his mind, standing up and handing his brush to her. "Do you mind finishing up?"

It was an odd request. But Petra knew her captain loved his horse and felt a little touched he would allow her to brush the mare. She didn't think too much on why he couldn't take another minute to finish himself and accepted, "Sure."

Levi couldn't help the feeling of delight at the thought of Petra taking care of his horse that he adored.

Unfortunately, his mood soured after his talk with the commander, walking past Petra's boyfriend in the hallway. Childish and useless as it was, Levi wondered what she saw in that guy that he didn't have. Sure the man was taller and better looking than him, a decent fighter, and well-liked by his peers, too. Not to mention pursuing a relationship with him wouldn't get them in trouble because they were the same rank.

It stung him to acknowledge his shortcomings as a potential romantic partner for Petra. Even if by some miracle they ended up together, it scared him thinking about if he would be able to keep her happy and fulfill all her emotional and physical needs. I could never be good enough for her. Too much baggage and shit from his past made making himself vulnerable to her difficult. Putting up with him professionally and personally were two very different things. She deserves someone who could love her with his whole heart.

Eren flinched when he turned and saw Levi was in the room. Levi inspected the place with a keen eye and pointed to a corner. "You missed. Pay more attention."

"Yes, sir!"

"And have you seen Petra?"

"I think she said something about meeting someone."

"She went to see her boyfriend?" Levi said in displeasure. "She's supposed to be cleaning." His anger was justified, he decided. And a tiny part of him thought it would serve as an excuse to order her not to see his idiot boyfriend because he disrupted her duties.

"But, sir, Petra doesn't have a boyfriend," Eren said. "I asked and she said she's single."

"Oh?" Levi kept cool, but internally he couldn't help but feel elated. Maybe he had misinterpreted the scene somehow. What reason would she have to lie to Eren? Or keep the relationship hidden? "You were awfully quick to correct me. What, you have a crush on her or something?"

"What? No!"

"Are you saying she's ugly?" Now Levi was just pulling his leg for fun. "She'll be hurt you said that."

Eren's eyes widened. "That's not what I meant! I think Petra's very beautiful and nice!"

A giggle came from behind them and they turned to see Petra in the doorway. "Aw, Eren, that's so sweet." He flushed when she walked up to him and kissed his cheek, making his cheeks turn pink.

Eren grumbled something but Levi was too busy imagining what her lips felt like—soft and warm, he bet—to notice.

"Captain, sorry for disappearing. Had to drop something off to a friend. But I did my chores before I left."

"Alright. It's fine, then. Come with me. And Eren, clean properly." Once they left the Shifter behind and it was just the two of them in the empty corridor, Levi asked her. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Just the last bit. I can't believe you teased him like that."

"I get the feeling he's a dense blockhead when it comes to members of the opposite sex." Arms crossed, he spoke casually. "I thought you had a boyfriend and he told me you didn't and that's how it started."

"I don't have a boyfriend." Petra was puzzled as to why he thought she did. "Who told you that?"

Levi shrugged. "No one. I accidentally saw you almost kiss a guy a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh. That. No, it was nothing. He wanted to try it so I could see if I felt anything for him. I didn't."

Levi felt quite happy, but carefully kept his expression neutral. He was eager to change the conversation and put the boyfriend nonsense behind them. "Are you ready for the 57th Expedition tomorrow?"

"Yes. I have a good feeling about it. I'm nervous for Eren, but I'm sure he'll do fine. And it should help humanity take another step forward."

That night, laying in bed, Levi thought about the expedition. If everything went well, like Petra said, it would be another step in the right direction for humanity. With Eren's help, it was a very real possibility. And so, just for a minute, Levi allowed himself to imagine a proper future with Petra.

The following day, the Survey Corps soldiers ran around getting ready to move out of HQ and head for the gate in Karanes.

"You're really not going to tell her how you feel?"

"Shut up, you damn four-eyed idiot!" Levi hissed. He knew better than to look around to see if anyone overheard. It would only make him look suspicious.

"What? No one cares," Hange replied, sitting on her horse, petting it. "They're too busy preparing." Around them, the soldiers seemed completely oblivious to their presence, too busy with their own preparations. "And it's not like I said anything super incriminating."

"Don't ever bring it up in public." Yanking the reins, he led his horse away to where his squad was waiting. "Ready?"

They nodded, muttering their assent and doing a good job of keeping calm.

His eyes caught Petra's and his heart jumped when her lips pulled slightly. Levi looked away. Emotional attachments had no place on a battlefield. Within a second, he dismissed his personal feelings and prioritized the mission, becoming Humanity's Strongest Soldier once more, not just Levi.

A small bag in hand, Levi walked through the cemetery in silence. As always, the emptiness and silence brought him an odd sense of peace. Considering how many of his friends and comrades rested there, it really shouldn't have, but it did.

He knelt before the headstones of his squad and took out a small bottle and a cloth. Flowers from their family members lay before the headstones and he moved them aside as he cleaned, returning them after he finished. The groundskeeper kept the place in good shape, but Levi still felt compelled to do the job himself.

Once he was done with all the headstones, he sat, remembering them—their quirks, their habits, their faces and voices, and smiles—unwilling to forget.

Quiet, uneven footsteps came from behind him.

"I'm surprised you're sitting on the ground, Captain. The grass is a little muddy."

"You don't have to call me that anymore, Petra."

"Right." Petra joined him on the grass. "Old habit." She was silent for a minute before asking. "How's Eren doing?"

"Not as annoying and incompetent as he was when he first joined. In fact, he's the best cleaner on the squad. Aside from me, of course."

"Of course."

"He misses you, though."

"I miss him, too. But we write to each other often."

Levi snorted.

Petra turned her head. "What?"

"Your letters had the rest of the squad convinced he had a secret girlfriend and it became this whole debacle. Mikasa, in particular, was unhappy about the whole situation."

Petra chuckled. "Really? He didn't tell me."

"Being the dimwit he is in the romance department, I'm not surprised. He was completely oblivious to why Mikasa was so irritated about it." Levi thought about his own situation with Petra and her blindness when it came to his feelings for her.

Hange's words came back to him: "You Ackermans sure know how to pick 'em."

Petra began telling him about something but he only half listened, mind churning, going back and forth, debating if he should tell her. Then Oluo's name caught his eye and it seemed disrespectful somehow, confessing his feelings in front of the grave of the man who had spent years loving over her. "How have you been doing?" Levi asked. "Adjusted to civilians life yet?"

Petra shrugged. "Million-dollar injury."

Levi grunted. Million-dollar injury, severe enough to excuse her from the military, not enough to impede everyday life. Sometimes he had secretly hoped it would happen, feeling guilty immediately after because the Survey Corps was Petra's dream and she would be crushed if she had to leave. From her downcast eyes, she was still upset about it. Over three months had passed since the 57th Expedition, but it wasn't enough time to fully accept she could no longer be a soldier.

"Then again, since the possibility of fighting human enemies is very real, maybe there'll be platoons of soldiers that won't require the 3D gear. Sure it gives us an advantage since no one else has it, but I think they'll probably be times, places, where it may not be a viable option."

He almost felt nauseous at her words, having grown used to her civilian status and therefore not constantly being in danger.

"The limp doesn't hinder me much. So I asked a doctor, but she said no. War is loud, cannons and guns and all that." She brushed her ear with a hand. "It would agitate the damage to my inner ear, wrecking my balance and making me almost useless."

Levi couldn't help but visibly relax. Although his companion didn't notice, thankfully.

Petra sighed loudly. "Look at me, complaining about feeling useless in front of their graves when I'm fortunate enough to still be alive."

"I think they'd understand and feel the same way."

"Yeah, I can almost imagine the chiding look on Gunther's face."

Levi fell at ease as they talked about their squad, rolling his eyes at one point as Petra shared some secrets things she and the men had believed and made up about him after they first became a squad.

When the sky became more dark than light and a cool breeze began to blow, they decided it was time to head back. Levi offered her a hand to help her up. Petra placed the flowers she had brought before each of the headstones.

Outside the cemetery, she stopped and said, "Tell Eren I'll send him and his friends some cookies. He likes my mother's recipe."

Levi nodded. "I will." She bid him farewell and began to walk away. "Petra," he called after her.

"Yes?"

He hesitated. Much as he yearned to tell her, knowing what he knew about the potential upcoming war and acknowledging he might not survive forced him to keep quiet. Rejection he could handle. But if she felt the same, or was willing to give them a shot, it felt wrong to force her to wait on him instead of being with someone who could be there for her and love her with all his heart. But she could never be one of his priorities, much less his top one.

What if he died and she wasted all that time spent in loneliness and worry for nothing? What if she began taking it out on herself, upset she couldn't be there for him? What if the war sent him back even more broken than he already was?

I can't do that to her. She deserved better than what he could give her. He shook his head. "Never mind. Take care."

"I will, Levi."

Once she disappeared from his view, he sighed heavily, walking in the opposite direction in silence.

I think it's one of maybe two sad endings I've written for Rivetra. Or more open-ended than sad. I'll leave it up to your imaginations how things turned out.

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