Sorry this took me so long. I don't know when I even updated last was. anyway, enjoy?

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

Trevor sat in Dr. Wyatt's office and looked at her. "I saw her… or I thought I did. I turned to find her and she wasn't there, so I kept moving. I was late for a work meeting." He looked down at his hands. "I need to fix this. I need her in my life, I need my kids." He covered his face and let out a sob. "I can't lose her. I can't,"

Dr. Wyatt looked at him. "Then it's time to be honest, with me, with yourself, and with Olivia." She spoke seriously. "I need you to tell me honestly why you keep referring to her as a porn star, even though you know how deeply it hurts her."

Trevor looked at the doctor. "I'm not good enough for her, I'm self sabotaging, and maybe I've thrown away my filter because we're so secure in our relationship. Because she's so strong." He shook his head. "When I tell you she's perfect, I mean it. She's everything I've ever wanted and then some."

Dr. Wyatt stopped him. "Trevor, nobody is perfect, not me, not you, and not even Olivia. We all have flaws, we all make mistakes."

Trevor looked at the doctor. "You don't know her the way I do. Of course she has what she sees as flaws, of course she's made mistakes in her life, but it's not the absence of those things that makes her perfect. It's how she handles them. It's how her touch can instantly bring me peace. I haven't had that in over a month and I miss it, I miss her."

Dr. Wyatt crossed her legs. "Okay, so I need you to tell her everything that you told me during our next couples session. I need you to look her in the eye and tell her the truth, and then she is going to tell you some things herself. You're going to have the communication you so desperately need. That is what is going to save your marriage. Not kissing, not sex, communication."

Trevor let out a sigh. "Then why can't we communicate outside your office? I mean, I've almost texted her, called her, so many times just to hear her voice. Especially after I thought I saw her."

Dr. Wyatt nodded. "I know it's frustrating but I want both of you to get past any negative emotions with each other before we start reintroducing outside communication into the mix."

Trevor scratched the back of his neck. "I'll do whatever I have to. She's my reason, Dr. Wyatt." He rested his elbows on his knees. "I'm going to be a better man because I want her back, because I can't handle losing her."

Dr. Wyatt nodded. "Okay, let's continue this next week, and I'll see you tomorrow for our session with Olivia. I want you to write everything down that we talked about today, because I want you to tell Olivia all of it tomorrow."

Trevor nodded and stood up. "Thank you, Dr. Wyatt." He walked out of the office and wandered aimlessly through the city, finding himself outside their— her apartment. He looked longingly up at the window and he sighed, wanting nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He fought the urge to buzz the doorbell to ask to come see her, and he turned and caught a cab back to his apartment where he sat down with a pen and paper and started writing.

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

He stayed up writing late into the night. Writing and rewriting letters, everything he'd told Dr. Wyatt. He finally drifted to sleep somewhere around 2AM, and tossed and turned. When he did wake up he felt like he got hit by a truck. He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower before dressing in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He arrived at Dr. Wyatt's office and was called back but Olivia wasn't there yet. She rushed in about five minutes later, her eyes puffy, her face tear stained. "Liv?"

Olivia sat on the couch and wiped at her eyes. "Um, can we switch gears for a minute?" She let out a sob and wiped her eyes again and blew her nose. "I—" she let out a breath. "I had every intention of coming in here today and following our plan, Dr. Wyatt. But I got some news from my doctor on my way over. And because of that I need to fast track these 90 days. I need my husband home and my babies need their daddy." She let out a sob.

Trevor moved closer, tentatively. "Liv, honey what happened."

Olivia sat up and looked at him and fought the tears. "I have a four centimeter mass in my breast. The doctor thinks it's cancer." She let out a sob. "And I need my husband by my side," she whispered and collapsed into him, sobbing into his neck. "Please," she whispered. "Please come home."

Trevor wrapped her in his arms. "Okay, shh, shh, shh." He soothed. "I'll come home whenever you want.

Olivia nodded. "Tonight," she whispered weakly. She looked at Dr. Wyatt. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't do this but… dealing with cancer is something I need my husband for. Especially if it's bad. My kids need their dad if they're going to watch their mom die," she whispered. "I'm going to fight like hell, but good things don't last for me, I'm catastrophizing, I know, but if I'm prepared… maybe it won't hurt as badly."

Dr. Wyatt gave a small, somber smile. "You're never prepared for that, Olivia. And I want you two to still come to sessions, as long as you feel up to it Olivia."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I will." She looked up at Trevor, then to Dr. Wyatt. "Can we cut this short today. I really just want to lay down and cry and process all this before I have to start testing and surgeries and chemo…" she shrugged gently.

Dr. Wyatt nodded. "Go ahead."

I just called to say I love you

Come back home

Olivia turned to Trevor. "Take me home and hold me? I'm scared," she whispered, tears still falling freely from her eyes.

Trevor kissed her forehead. "Come on sweetheart." He helped her up and walked her out and hailed a cab, having them bring them to the apartment they shared for so long, and would now share again, during what would be the hardest times of their life. He knew this. He held her as the cab weaved in and out of traffic before bringing her inside once the cab arrived at their apartment.

Olivia saw Trevor close and lock the door and she looked into his eyes. "I don't want to die, Trevor," she whispered. "And I'm so sorry I threw you out. Now if I do die that's less time that we'll have together and I—" she felt his arms around her and she let out a breath, followed by a sob.

Trevor picked her up. "You are not going to die. I don't care if I have to jump up and down on your chest myself, I will. You aren't dying. Our kids need you, I need you."

Olivia looked into his eyes again and leaned in to kiss him softly. She smiled and pulled away. "And I need you," she whispered. "Come hold me," she looked from his eyes to his lips.

Trevor looked at her. "Are you sure?" he knew what she was thinking, and he wanted her, but he wanted to be sure this is what she wanted.

Olivia blushed. "It's been two months Trevor," she bit her bottom lip and shrugged. "And I want to make love to you as often as possible until I can't anymore."

Trevor kissed her again and caressed her cheek. "I'm here through it all, baby. I'm here no matter what. You're going to beat this, we'll find the best doctors, the best forms of treatment, I know I can't fight this for you, though I wish I could, but I will be by your side every step of the way, and when you're too tired to go on, I'll carry you."

Olivia caressed his face and kissed him softly, her hands running over his chest before she broke the kiss to take the shirt over her head. "I don't want to die, Trevor, and I don't want to think about the possibility that I could. It's all I've been thinking about since I found the lump on my breast. And you," she whispered, tears in her eyes she refused to let fall. "Are my favorite distraction. So…" she pushed her pants off her hips, leaving her in a bra and underwear. "Distract me."

Trevor moved slowly and picked her up, carrying her to the bed. He took his time working her up with his tongue, his teeth, his fingers. Once she was writhing beneath him he undressed quickly and pushed inside of her. Both gasped and he kissed her. "I missed you so badly, Liv."

Olivia nodded. "Me too," she whispered. "God, move! Please," she begged, feeling him start to move slowly. "Oh," She whispered. She closed her eyes, tears falling as she felt every wave of pleasure. She bit her bottom lip as she got closer and closer to climax, and with one final thrust they came together and he fell on top of her. Her mouth was open in a silent scream as her eyes opened. "Wow," she smiled.

Trevor kissed her slowly. "I love you, Olivia Langan. So much."

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "I love you too," she whispered. "Trev?" She looked up at him. "Are you still gonna love me when they cut off my breasts, when my hair falls out, when I can't do anything but puke?"

Trevor looked down at her. "Liv they could give you warts and a hook for a hand, and if all you could do was belch I'd love you. I will love you no matter what. I will rub your back as you puke, make you soup, and still love every inch of your body." He caressed her face. "No matter what. This is the, in sickness and in health part, Olivia. Even if those words weren't in our vows, they certainly hold true."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't deserve you." She looked up at him and took his hand and brought it to the mass on her breast. "They wanted me to decide if I want a double mastectomy, a single mastectomy, or a lumpectomy. I want to do a double mastectomy. Less chance of recurrence in the other breast. No chance really. And I'm going to get the reconstruction, not because I need breasts to make me feminine but I like having them, and I'll probably shave my head if I need chemo and or radiation. Take control of that."

Trevor's heart jumped into his throat. "Well, on the bright side if you go for reconstruction you probably won't ever need a bra again."

Olivia looked at him and started to laugh. "You're so bad," she laughed and shook her head. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for that." She nuzzled into him. "We should probably get redressed, it's almost time for the kids to get picked up. I figure we could surprise them, having you come home. Unless you have something else to do?"

Trevor shook his head. "Nothing more important than being with my family."

Olivia smiled gently and kissed him gently, caressing the back of his neck. "I love you, Trevor Langan, more than I could ever say."

A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a review and I'll see you next time!