Title: like shattered glass
A/N: For the FE Writer's Zine! I have so many things I want to write for post canon, ahhhh
Summary: Victories weren't supposed to feel hollow. Yet with Elise's and Xander's blood on her hands, with Azura disappearing into nothing, and Nohr in shambles, it was hard for Corrin to feel joy over Garon's defeat.
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Victories weren't supposed to feel hollow. They were supposed to fill Corrin with pride, like when she landed a strike on Xander during training, or the rare times she beat Leo in chess. They were supposed to fill her with joy, like when she won one of Elise's parlor games or snuck up on Camilla. There were many feelings that came with victory, but none of them were supposed to be negative.
Yet, as Corrin stood in front of the Nohr throne, her sword hilt deep in the man she'd once called father, all she could feel was emptiness. His wrinkled hand gripped the blade, the metal cutting into his hand until blood slowly dripped down the edge. Garon looked at the blade, then at her.
"You," he breathed.
Corrin didn't say anything. She stared at him, though she knew he couldn't see her back. His sight was gone now, his hearing too most likely. Blood dripped down his lips as he gurgled his last breath.
"We did it!" Hinoka yelled from the center of the throne room, her voice echoing through the vast hall.
So focused had she been on Garon, Corrin had almost forgotten that she wasn't alone. Around her, various soldiers cheered, victory finally at hand. Despite her booming voice, Hinoka leaned against her lance tiredly, no doubt done with all the fighting.
Armour clanked as Ryoma climbed the steps to the throne. Corrin watched as her brother slowly approached her, as his heavy hand rested on her shoulder. The touch burned. Xander used to squeeze her like that.
"Good job," Ryoma praised, his stern expression softening as he smiled. "We couldn't have done this without you."
Still, she said nothing. Behind her, her kidnapper dissolved into water, his life finally gone. Xander would have inherited the throne next. This hall would have been decorated with the fanciest flowers Elise could convince their older brother to buy. Camilla would have picked their outfits for the coronation and Leo would have rolled his eyes at the spectacle of it all.
None of that could happen anymore. Corrin looked around, at where Sakura was healing the wounded, where Takumi was helping Azura stand, where the Hoshido soldiers were clapping each other on the back. Camilla and Leo were nowhere in sight.
She didn't know if she should be relieved or cry about that.
-x-
Corrin stared at the Nohr Royal Castle. In the night, she couldn't see it all that well, the torches barely outlining its shape, but she'd observed it long enough to memorize the half-mast flags. The interior was no doubt covered in black. Xander's and Elise's bodies had to have been moved by now, their clothes prepared for a public viewing before the state funeral.
"Couldn't sleep?" Ryoma asked, sitting down next to her. The log next to the firepit was barely wide enough to fit them both, especially with his imposing frame.
Corrin tore her eyes away from the castle and back down to the tent city around them. The Hoshidan army was still camped outside the castle gates, gathering provisions slowly before the long march home. She still hadn't figured out if she would join them. She still didn't know if she could stay here.
"No, I…" Corrin trailed off before rubbing her arm. "Azura…I should have stopped her from singing."
Even now, she could feel Azura's hand in hers, hear her weak voice. They had barely celebrated Garon's death before Azura had collapsed, her body disappearing like dew in the morning. Corrin curled her hand and closed her eyes. "We should have found a way to win without her powers."
"Maybe. Azura is—was very stubborn about helping others. Even over herself." Ryoma gave her a weak smile. His voice cracked slightly, but somehow stayed strong. He reached out, squeezing her shoulder. "She would have sung either way, if only to save us from getting hurt."
"This hurts more than a cut would," Corrin mumbled, resting a hand on his as she soaked in his comfort.
The fire flickered, shadows dancing across Ryoma's face. Without his armour, he didn't look as imposing as he normally did. He looked like a man, not a king, not a warrior. "It does."
Xander had looked like that too, when he had tea with her, and Corrin swallowed the lump in her throat. "I should have tried." She was proud how her voice didn't crack. "She should be here with us."
Instead, she had disappeared like the rain, not even leaving her pendant behind for Corrin to remember her by. All that was left was a memory to mourn and Corrin wasn't sure if it was easier that way, if having no body was better than having one. As it was, her siblings were taking it hard. Hinoka looked small, frail, and Takumi radiated regret with every step. Corrin had watched as they'd comfort one another, their hugs barely keeping the tears at bay.
It took all four of them to handle Azura's death. Corrin looked up at the castle again. Just what hope did Camilla and Leo have with two?
-x-
Corrin stood in the grand hall, an anxious ball of nerves. This room had always been imposing, all dark corners and large swathes of shadows. The pillars are a cold grey, the décor menacing. It had been less than a week since the war ended and if she looked, she could see the blood stains on the ground, barely scrubbed away.
When they'd snuck into the palace, they hadn't gone through this room. For that, Corrin was glad, it was hard enough to breathe in here as it was. She could still see Iago and Garon at the top of the stairs, all cruel words and cold eyes as they told her to kill the prisoners. Corrin's heart constricted, a helpless and trapped sensation flooding through her.
After all that happened, it could be Camilla and Leo standing there next, accusing her of war crimes. Around her, she heard the guards' whispers and felt their angry stares. She was the traitor princess, after all. After killing Xander and Elise, she shouldn't be here at all.
"It's okay, milady." A warm hand slipped into hers, jerking her out of her thoughts. Corrin looked to her right. Jakob offered her a reassuring smile as his fingers interlaced with hers. His grip was firm.
"Jakob." Corrin tried to smile back. Her chest still felt tight.
"They'll meet you." Jakob lowered his eyes slightly. "They adore you."
Corrin almost laughed. "After all I've done? I rejected their hands so many times, waged war against their country, killed Xander and Elise—"
"You didn't kill them," Jakob interrupted in a rare burst of anger. His jaw clenched, the way it would whenever he'd reprimanded her for being too reckless. "Pride and stubbornness killed Xander. Ideals without the strength to uphold them killed Elise."
"Jakob!" Corrin hissed, yanking her hand out his. "They—"
"I mean no disrespect with that," Jakob replied, cutting her off once more. "Just the truth. It is a tragedy what happened, but it is no more your fault than theirs."
Corrin glared at him. "And if I hadn't attacked Nohr?"
"Then Garon would have conquered Hoshido and the world would have been worse off for it," Jakob replied quietly, his anger dissipating. Now he only looked sad. "Xander and Elise would have been no safer in that world than they were in this one."
Corrin opened her mouth, ready to argue, but what could she say in response to that? He was right. It was a harsh truth, but he was right. Garon hadn't seen them as more than pawns, and he would have disposed of Xander and Elise the second they weren't needed. Camilla and Leo would have died too. At least they were alive here. She pursed her lips, her hand curling into a fist.
"I…"
Before she could apologize, doors on the second floor opened. A man walked to the rail and announced, "Her Majesty Camilla and His Highness Leo have arrived."
His voice echoed through the room. Corrin looked up to find Camilla and Leo at the top of the stairs, looking down at her. For a long moment, they stared at each other. Corrin wasn't sure she remembered how to breathe. How long had it been since they'd seen each other? Only days, only weeks, and yet it felt like years. There was a before Xander's and Elise's deaths, and an after.
The room was oddly silent. Not even the guards made a noise, no murmuring or the clank of their armour. Corrin swallowed, waiting for judgement to fall on her, when Camilla hurried down the stairs. "Corrin!"
That was all the warning she got before her elder sister rammed into her, her arms wrapping around her tighter than rope. Camilla squeezed her tightly, resting her head on Corrin's shoulders. Her long purple hair tickled Corrin's neck.
"Camilla," Corrin managed, slowly hugging back. Her sister felt thinner, bonier. Resting her hand on Camilla's back, she couldn't feel the muscles she was used to, the strength that allowed her to pick up her favourite axe.
"I'm so glad you're back," Camilla murmured softly, as though she'd crack at anything louder than a whisper. "I…I'm just…so glad."
"Me too." Corrin's eyes watered and she clutched her sister tightly. It had been too long since they'd last hugged, since they hadn't faced each other across the battlefield. She wanted to drag Leo into the hug, to hold both them as close as possible, but he still stood at the top of the stairs.
Corrin looked up at him, their eyes meeting. He wore an unreadable expression, his lips a straight line. His jaw tightened and he whirled around, leaving them.
-x-
"It's getting late," Camilla muttered, staring out the windows that lined her bedroom. The sun had just set, the last vestiges of light barely bright enough to outline the city sprawling around the castle. Servants had already lit the candles, small pools of lights in every corner of the room. Seated on the bed, Corrin could just make out the city.
She hadn't seen the capital like this. Before, she hadn't been allowed to, and after, they'd been at war. Unlike Hoshido, Nohr was a darker place, one of moonlight and not sunlight. There was a desolate beauty to it that she knew her Hoshidian siblings couldn't see.
"Yeah," Corrin agreed, her eyes moving to their faint reflection in the window. Camilla hadn't left her side throughout the day, her hand often neatly tucked into Corrin's arms to keep them glued together. Even now, Camilla was braiding her hair, allowing them no more than a foot's space between them. She hadn't had the heart to pull away, and to be honest she wasn't sure if she wanted to.
She felt like the castle was holding its breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and she didn't want to face the storm alone. Corrin stared at Camilla's reflection. "I guess it's time for bed."
"Bed…" Camilla trailed off, her hands freezing. She stared at the door, as though she expected someone to burst in.
When she didn't continue, Corrin leaned back, resting her head on her sister's chest. From this close, her sister looked worn and she frowned as she looked up. "Is something wrong?"
"No, I…" Camilla tore her eyes away from the door. Smiling down at Corrin, she gently pushed her back up into a seated position. "Darling, you're messing up the braid. You can't sleep until we're done. How about…" Her voice cracked. "How about a sleepover? For your first night here."
"A sleepover?" Corrin could almost hear Elise's voice there, hear the exact lit as she pleaded her case.
"Y-yeah." Head bowed, Camilla busied herself with unbraiding Corrin's hair. "We must have one—your room hasn't been prepared yet! Why, in the morning you could choose one yourself, there's so many here."
"I…" Corrin didn't know if she was going to stay. She didn't know how to, after all the misery she'd caused. Yet, hearing the crack in Camilla's voice, the way her hands trembled, she didn't know how to leave either. "A sleepover sounds fun."
"The maids are making tea and…" Camilla tugged Corrin's hair into a tight braid. "We were supposed to have a ball when you arrived, darling."
"A party?" Corrin turned around but Camilla firmly pushed her jaw back.
"You'll ruin the braid," she fussed, weaving Corrin's long locks into a single braid. "And yes, a party for you. Elise…" Her voice cracked again but she pushed forward. "planned all of it. The food, the music, the decorations. Xander rejected all of it." Camilla laughed, a bittersweet sound. "It was too expensive, so Elise kept cutting down things and trying again. He couldn't get her to stop all together."
Corrin felt a bump on her back. Turning her head slightly, she could see Camilla's head resting against her back, her hands tight on Corrin's shoulders.
"Despite his words, he was just as excited as she was. He even got a room cleaned up for you."
Corrin could just picture it. She closed her eyes. "He always hid his kindness."
"He is—was adorable like that. Though not as adorable as Leo." Camilla laughed wetly. "He helped Elise change her plans, even though he kept calling it a waste of time."
It was strange. The room was empty, save for the two of them, but Corrin could feel her siblings around her. Elise sitting on the bed, Camilla braiding her hair as she rattled off her latest frustrations. Xander and Leo arguing over budgets. Camilla and Xander would exchange a knowing look, the two eldest working together behind the scenes.
Nowhere in that picture was her and Corrin felt a lump in her throat.
-x-
For the past two days, Corrin hadn't seen hide nor hair of Leo. To be fully honest, she hadn't seen his or anyone else's retainers either, and she didn't know if that was because they were avoiding her or if they'd been ordered away. Either way, she was glad—she didn't know how she could look at Effie or Arthur after what'd happened.
And she could never look at Laslow or Peri again.
Yet today he stood in the hallway, staring out the windows to the private gardens. Her heart constricted at the sight of him, her body stock still as she figured out her next move. He hadn't noticed her yet. From his profile, his gaze was locked firmly on something outside. Steeling herself, she marched to him.
He still didn't move, not even when she came to a stop right next to him. Corrin looked at him, then out the window. There was a dirt patch outside, one that showed signs of digging, but there were no obvious hints as to what had been dug up or buried there. The rest of the garden was filled with thorny roses and sharply-trimmed bushes.
"What's there?" she asked, unable to stop herself.
"It's…" Leo caught himself before he finished the sentence. Tearing his eyes from the dirt, he turned to her. "What're you doing here?"
Leo had never been a cold person. Despite his attitude, he'd always been warm, giving. Corrin couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine at his stare, at his eyes that looked like they could pierce through her. Even when they'd been at war, he hadn't looked so icy.
"I…" Corrin swallowed, forcing herself to smile. "I wanted to talk to you."
He didn't say anything. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
Clasping her hands, she continued, "I…I know that it's hard…that I did something unforgivable…but…"
Camilla hadn't wanted or allowed an apology, no matter how many times Corrin wanted to give one. Now that she had the chance to say it, she didn't know where to start, what words to use. Xander had died by her hand, whether he wanted it or not. Elise had sacrificed herself. A kingdom had been invaded, and she had led the charge.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I—"
Leo's jaw tightened. "Don't."
Corrin looked at him owlishly. "What?"
"Don't," he repeated before turning on his heel and leaving.
Corrin didn't chase. She didn't have the right to.
-x-
Castle Krakenburg had never been Corrin's home. No, hers had been the Northern Fortress. She knew the ins and outs of her fort, the rooms her siblings lived, the places they liked to play. The castle was a blank canvas to her, the history of it invisible to her alone.
It was easy, though, to guess which spaces belonged to Xander and Elise. There were rooms Camilla's eyes would just slide past, areas where she'd step around as though she could see Xander's ghost. Leo could be found in only certain sections of the library and the study and some items were left with a layer of dust on them as though even the maids weren't ready to face them.
Corrin had no such compunctions. She snuck around in the middle of the night, when Camilla wasn't watching, when Leo didn't have to be avoided. A candle in hand, she mapped out a castle that had once been as foreign as Hoshido.
Xander's room was sparsely furnished. She sat down gingerly on his hard bed, on the ever so practical grey blankets. The pillowcase was bright blue, flowers embroidered on the edges, and that had to be a gift from Elise or Camilla. Maybe both, Elise had never been patient enough for sewing. There was a stack of papers on his side table and Corrin hesitated before reading the top one. It was a report on the country's food supply, and of course he'd read that before he slept. He'd ever been the work-a-holic.
Even now, Corrin remembered his profile in the night, his sword glinting in the moonlight as he practiced his swings. Her brother had cared deeply for his country. Too deeply. Tears pricked her eyes and she left his room before she could cry.
On another night, she explored Elise's room, all pinks and yellows. There was only a musty scent now, but Corrin liked to imagine it smelled floral at one point. Despite how flowers were hard to get here, it was hard to picture Elise without them. Her closet was filled with dresses, the fanciest of which looked hardly touched. Instead it was the simpler ones that looked thoroughly worn, with small patches hidden here and there to keep clothing together.
Elise had always been wiser than she'd acted, though Corrin hadn't realized just how much. It was disquieting to realize she didn't know her siblings as well as she'd thought. That she might never know, her sister taking her secrets to the grave.
Night after night, Corrin explored the castle, sitting in Xander's spot in the study, reading from Elise's alcove in a tower. Despite how strong their presence was for Camilla and Leo, Corrin couldn't feel them. A chair was just a chair, a book a book, and all of these little pieces didn't make up a person as much as she pushed them together.
-x-
The Hoshidians were gone, her family with them, and Corrin wasn't sure if she shouldn't have left as well. Just as much as Camilla needed her, Leo didn't. Even their meals were separate, Camilla eating with her. If she'd gone, maybe they could have grieved together.
"Maybe you should eat with Leo?" Corrin suggested finally, turning to her right. The Nohr dining table was overly long—even with all of her siblings, they could never have filled in all of the chairs.
Camilla raised a brow. "What do you mean, darling? I always eat with him."
"Huh?" Corrin blinked, thrown off kilter.
"I eat with you, and then with him." Camilla reached over, squeezing her arm tenderly. "You are both precious to me and I would never leave either of you alone."
"Oh." Corrin looked down at her plate, not sure what to say. She hadn't thought of that possibility at all.
"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll eat together soon." Camilla smiled sadly. "He just needs some time."
"Does he? I think he hates me," Corrin admitted, her shoulders sinking at the memory. Even now, she could feel his icy stare. All of their encounters lasted three seconds.
Camilla wrapped an arm around her. "No, he doesn't—"
"It'd be stranger if he didn't." Corrin leaned against Camilla, soaking in her warmth. "Why don't you? After I…" She couldn't say the word killed, it stuck in her throat. "After all I did."
Camilla fell silent. For a moment, Corrin wondered if she'd finally succeeded in driving off her last sibling, if she'd have to pack her bags and head to Hoshido sooner than she'd thought.
"We weren't great either," Camilla finally uttered, resting her cheek on Corrin's head. "And more importantly, I'm tired of hating. It hurts too much. Elise…Elise wouldn't have liked it. Leo, he'll come around. He just needs time."
Nestled like this, Corrin could believe anything. She closed her eyes and listened to Camilla breathe. "I hope so."
"He will." Camilla sighed. "Hopefully by the coronation. I need both of you there with me."
"The coronation…are you ready?" she asked.
"Not at all." Camilla laughed dryly. "Xander had always been the leader, the strong one. He always had a plan." Her voice grew pained. "I…I don't know how to do that. I'm not a leader. I never have been."
"I'm not one either." Corrin pulled away, looking Camilla in the eye. She smiled encouragingly. "But I think we could do it together."
Camilla's eyes grew wide before she hugged Corrin. "Yes, we can."
-x-
The clock struck twelve, large metal gongs ringing through the night. Corrin stood next to a window, listening to the chimes. Yawning, she had to admit that it was late. She'd done enough exploration for the day.
Heading back to her room, she paused as a small light to her right caught her eye. Someone was out in the garden. Quietly, she approached the window, peering out to make out who it was. They weren't moving, the lamp in their hand, and she could just make out a familiar cape.
Leo.
Now that she was looking, she realized this was the same window as before, that he was standing in front of that dirt patch. Quickly, she opened the window and hopped outside. Just like the last time, he didn't hear her, his gaze fixed firmly on the dirt. It was dark, so she couldn't see much, but the plot looked as empty as it had before.
Before she could voice her question, Leo murmured, "Elise wanted to grow sunflowers here."
Corrin snapped her attention at Leo, but he didn't look at her. She held her breath, afraid of breaking the moment. He might run away again like a scared rabbit.
"They never grew. No matter how many times she planted them. Elise never studied for anything, but she read every book on flowers and gardening she could find."
Corrin reached down, grabbing his hand tightly.
He didn't react. "The soil was dead the entire time."
It was scary, how monotone his voice was, but his hand was warm and she intertwined their fingers.
Finally, he turned to her. "Sometimes I wonder if all of Nohr is as dead as this lot."
"It isn't," she replied firmly.
"What do you know?" he snapped back, but he didn't pull away from her touch. For once, his argument was feeble, his sharp words deserting him. "You were always trapped in that fortress."
"I saw a lot on my way here," Corrin replied, her eyes locked on his. It was strange, the words just came as she thought of the underground city, of Elise guiding them there. "Nohr is alive, its people are alive, despite everything Garon did to them. They just need a little help, a little kindness, and they'll flourish."
"Elise was kind." A tear slid down his cheek. "Xander had a vision. Camilla and I…we have neither."
"You have each other." She reached up, wiping his cheek. "You have me."
"I…" More tears fell, like a dam bursting open. "I could have saved them."
Corrin didn't bother to ask who. "You didn't do anything."
"That's just it!" he shouted, grabbing her hand, sobbing silently. His voice broke. "I didn't do anything. I didn't help them. I didn't help you. I just walked away from it all and Elise…I could have saved her. Maybe not Xander, but at least her."
He fell to his knees, weak, his hand still wrapped tightly around her wrist.
"Instead, I did nothing."
"You didn't do anything wrong." It was too much and Corrin collapsed to the ground now. Wrapping her arms around Leo, she hugged him tightly. "I killed them. My sword cut through them. Their blood's on my hands, not yours."
"But you weren't wrong," Leo mumbled, hugging her back, his hands clenching her shirt like a lifeline. "Garon had to go and you weren't wrong. And if I…if I'd joined you, maybe Xander would have stepped down. Maybe none of this had to happen."
"And if I'd asked or tried harder or—"
It was too much, thinking about all of the what-ifs, the lost possibilities. She wailed, like she hadn't since she was a child. Leo crumpled, sobbing, his hand still in hers.
-x-
Unlike Ryoma's coronation, Camilla's was not one of pomp and celebration. It was a solemn event. The halls were draped in black and gold, with the occasional red highlight. This was both a goodbye and a greeting, an ending and a beginning.
Xander and Elise rested under marble tombs, joining their ancestors. Camilla stood on the balcony overlooking the crowds of watchful citizens, their words a dull murmur compared to Hoshido's energetic cheers. The fur-trimmed purple cloak she wore swallowed her entirely, and the hand that held her scepter trembled. She looked small. Lost.
Standing behind glass doors, Corrin watched as her sister slowly stepped toward the railing. Leo was already standing there, announcing Camilla's presence. Corrin couldn't hear them properly, the glass muffling the sound, and suddenly she was in the Northern Fortress, watching as her siblings left for the castle. Most of her childhood had been spent like that, watching, waiting, always apart and never with.
"Corrin."
Corrin blinked, hearing her name, and looked out the window. Camilla and Leo were turned toward her, their hands outstretched. Confused, she poked her head out the door. "What?"
"Didn't you say we'd rule together?" Camilla smiled, beckoning her to come closer.
"But—"
"You're our sister, you have to suffer through these functions with us," Leo added impatiently, but he was smiling too.
Corrin stared at their hands, at them. At the ghosts of Xander and Elise that stood behind them. That was right, her time in the fortress had never been lonely. Her family, her friends, they'd always opened the door, calling her out.
It was the same now, even if now there were only two hands reaching for her instead of four. Corrin pushed open the door and stepped outside.
Whatever the future held now, they'd handle it together.