Love Struck Delusion
Chapter 297 - Deja.
Zeta's POV, An hour later, Saint Andrew's Community Park.
Slowing down my pace as I neared the park, I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw Raptor. He was a good distance away still but he was just by himself sitting at a bench. He was leaning back into it like he was in a daze, but I could tell from here that he was looking up at the stars.
My pace turned into a crawl as I was wondering how to even approach this. I had no idea what happened back at the house, but judging from what I saw I was surprised he was in a decent condition.
Coming within feet of the bench I said softly and with concern.
"Raptor?"
To my surprise he heard me. His head turned and soon I saw his eyes. He gave me a small smile before whispering back.
"Hey."
Feeling my body slightly untense I asked him.
"Is everything okay? What happened back at the house?"
He went silent. His eyes just went back to the sky as I slowly took a hint and moved around him until I was sitting down next to his right side. His eyes never left them as I noticed he had some dry blood on his chin.
"Are you hurt?" I asked him seriously as he just simply replied after some time.
"No…...no I'm good."
"Are you sure?" I wasn't convinced. In fact I was more worried than anything. He seemed so out there and again he didn't answer my question.
I was unsure of how to continue. I felt like I had to just let him say something. Let him make a move first. Thankfully that idea worked because after maybe a minute he asked me with curiosity.
"Do you have any secrets?"
My eyes widened to the question. He caught me off guard, but showed the seriousness behind it as he decided to take his eyes off the stars and onto me. He was looking for an answer. Unsure of what he was trying to ask me, I questioned.
"What do you mean by secrets?"
Looking me down like a hawk, he replied with a question.
"What haven't you told me about yet?"
I switched my mind into overdrive as I really thought about my life. I tried to recall anything that I might have forgotten or suppressed. Something that mattered enough for this to be a serious question.
Raptor was just waiting for my response. Leaning over with my elbows resting just above my knees, I came to my conclusion after nearly two minutes of deep thought. Looking him back in his eyes, I replied with almost a sense of confidence behind my voice.
"Nothing. I have no secrets you already don't know about Raptor. They're not even secrets anymore because I'm no longer the only person hiding them."
"Are you sure about that?" He asked me carefully as I looked him dead in the eyes while sitting back up to reply with conviction behind my statement.
"Yes….I'm one hundred percent certain. I wouldn't hide anything from you. Nothing is that important."
Raptor's glare slowly changed to a smile as he gently nodded his head while looking back at the stars. I had a feeling that even though I claimed my innocents for some reason he still didn't really believe me. I was still unsure of what was going on now and things became even more confusing when he said back to me in a slightly shaky tone.
"That's why you're different."
"Different?" I wondered as he went on saying.
"That's why you're still alive. That's how I know I can trust you. But…?" I was absolutely focused now as he started to shake.
"But that's also how I know I love you. Which is why this is really hard."
Tears were coming up and just out of principal I readied myself for anything. His emotion was going to be taking over my own. I can't not cry if he's crying. Especially when I could see that this was probably something breaking him apart from the inside for so long.
"You deserve so much better. You deserve someone strong to be by your side. Someone capable. Not me."
With my voice breaking apart more and more by the second, I quickly assured him by saying with all seriousness.
"Not you? What are you talking about? You're the strongest person I've ever met and you're more of a man then I could ask for when I consider myself and know my own worth. And capable? Look at what you've done with your life. Good or bad Raptor, you're the worst example of someone who doesn't. You're a goddamn hero. You're a fucking icon to this world right now!"
He broke out into a short laugh while at the same time questioning with a raising voice.
"Am I?! Does being a fucking hero or a stuipd icon mean anything?! Does it make me happy!? Does it keep me sane!? What the fuck does any of this matter!? Both of the people I trusted most in my life before you; didn't fucking care! They didn't give a shit about me! They were fucking my best friends behind my back! Men I bled and killed for!"
Raptor was progressively getting more in my face and I began to get scared when I saw his eyes turn red not a moment after. His yelling now formed a growl to it as he squeezed out through grinding teeth.
" Men who I thought were my brothers! Men I trusted with everything! They fucked me Zeta! They were fucking me the whole goddamn time! It made perfect fucking sense when I thought about it rationally! It made a whole lot of fucking….SENSE!"
Raptor had snapped. He threw his fist down with such force after his last sentence that he snapped right through the wooden bench with his knuckles. Instantly I jumped up from the bench and took a step back. Raptor at which point asked me.
"After everything I've done, and after everything I've been through, and after all the things I believed that were real! I've had no clue about who the people close to me really were! Is this what I deserved Zeta!? To live a goddamn lie!?"
"No!" I shouted back at him as he was physically shaking the bench where he sat with rage.
"You don't deserve that! You don't deserve anything bad that happens to you Raptor! But Alicia and Julie!? They weren't perfect! No one fucking is! No relationship is! Everyone has fucking things they need to hide! Everyone who feels a type of bad way will do everything in their power to feel good again! Even if it's hurtful and heart breaking to others close to them! Life is about the person you are! It's not about anyone else! Those girls both loved you! They really did! You know what you felt wasn't a lie when you were with them! You're just blinded by what they did to fill a gap missing in their lives! You can't see that now!"
Raptor remained where he was on the bench as I took it one step further by yelling.
"You're not fucking perfect! You have so much fucking baggade it's crazy Raptor! Anyone who is perfect wouldn't have stayed by your side for as long as they did! They wouldn't have married you! They wouldn't have given you children to raise! You're being a hypocrite! You can't expect to ever find someone without baggage in life Raptor! You can't pretend that everything is fine and get mad at them when you're just as guilty for doing the same things they did behind your back!"
With his growls intense, I begged him.
"Grow up! You can't be this fucking dense!"
Giving me those two evil eyes, he lowered his voice to mutter.
"It's not that easy. I feel like I was just used. Used by everyone. I know I'm not perfect. I cheated on Alicia. And Zeta? I didn't ever fucking tell her. But when she died and moved on to the afterlife? That's when she learned what I was hiding. Moving on requires you to know the shit that's been hidden from you. You need to learn all the harsh truths. You need to truly understand why those things happened. Be them good or bad."
Raptor took his eyes away from me and began to look down onto his lap. His fists were clenched in anger still as he cried to himself.
"Julie was fucking my best friend Frost for months while we were busy with the first war. Frost had more free time then I did, because I pushed myself to train and to lead everyone towards the rebellion's stuipd fucking goals! I saw that man everyday Zeta and everyday he would smile and shake my hand! He'd pretend like he gave a shit about my relationship and even gave me motivation to try harder as a father to my baby girl! He did everything for me and was always there, but little did I know he was only doing all that so I wouldn't catch on to him plowing my wife!"
Raptor left the bench with such force he actually made me flinch a step further back. Mainly because he was directing his rage right at me. He got right in my face with his right hand's index finger to growl out.
"And Alicia?! Zeta…..I can't even comprehend all the shit she's done behind my back! I gave that woman everything after I found my love for life again! I gave her two fucking kids and all the energy I could muster to be the best dad and husband I could be! Even after two fucking wars and watching my best friend blow his brains out all over his family's and friend's graves! I gave it my all! I did everything I could to be the man she wanted! To be the man she needed!"
Without ever leaving my eyes, he asked me harshly.
"Do you have any fucking idea what that bitch did to me?! What she hid from me for the last fucking decade!?"
"No!" I replied back as he reached in to grab me by the neck with the same hand that was pressuring me this whole time.
"AHHH! Ugkkk! Rap…...Raptor!?"
He was choking me with so much force that I physically was feeling my throat starting to collapse. Bringing my hands up to wrap around his wrist, I tried with all my might to get him to let go of me. My venom kicked in after a few seconds but that still wasn't enough. His was stronger than mine and I was starting to fade.
Smacking him twice in the side of his face with my right hand, I begged.
"Let me….let…...let go! Raptor!? Please!"
Then everything changed. I felt my mind stop racing. All my energy was on him and I lost the ability to fight back. It was then that he broke completely in half. He stopped choking me and his grip became nothing more than a limp grasp. His body started to shake again and the flow of tears that came from his eyes had me stunned in silence as he cried out with a voice resembling a sad child's.
"Ghost wasn't mine!"
Every emotion I had left my mind and all I could do was look on at him in shock for what I thought I just heard leave his mouth. His reaction to my face forced his hand to release me fully. However I couldn't run. I could barely move. Raptor proceeded to take a step back, his whole body trembling as he nodded his head at me to say it again as if I didn't hear him before.
"He wasn't mine!"
"Raptor….?" I went and tried to say something back, but he screamed out before I could say a second word.
"He wasn't my son!"
I lost my voice now because of the sheer power behind his anger. All I could do was watch and listen as he crumbled back another foot to say to me in the same broken child's voice he once had that resembled his broken heart.
"He was Archer's!"
With another shaky step he tried to back up further from me. I panicked as he tripped and fell back due to his lack of coordination. The venom in his eyes then started to flicker between both red and his normal purple. The moment he went down he began to smack the ground with his knuckles bared. Concrete began to crack and that's when he stopped to scream.
"It was his fucking kid Zeta! Ghost was his fucking kid and Alicia never fucking told me! She never told me!"
Trying my best to defend her decisions, I said to him as carefully as I could to help not raise his triggers any higher.
"She probably didn't want to tell you because she knew it would break you Raptor. She loved you and she…..?"
"Don't you fucking defend her! I raised that fucking kid like he was my own! Because I really thought he was my own! I thought he was mine Zeta! After trying for so long, I thought I did it!"
I wanted to help him get off the ground, so taking a step forward, I reached out with my right hand towards his body. Raptor however barked out once I got too close with a voice of shifting rage.
"Don't you fucking touch me!"
He then smacked my hand away and turned around, but I kept pushing. Grabbing his hand, I begged him.
"Let me help you….?!"
It was so fucking fast. Raptor tore his hand free with one straight yank. The power sent me in the direction he pulled and with more force then I expected; I tripped and rolled once so I'd land on my knees and face him again. My eyes had to reacquire him once I came out of the roll and every switch in my head shut off when I saw in his other hand he now had a gun pointed at me. The chrome barrel of his M1911 was shaking as he ordered with another bark resembling a feral user.
"I don't need your fucking help Zeta! I don't!"
I wish I could say I was calm and collected at this point, but it wasn't ever going to be the case. I've had so many guns pointed at me in my life and up till now I was able to stare them all down without fear. But this wasn't a gun from an enemy who was trying to kill me. It was the only person I had left to love.
With my hands coming up very slowly in front of me, I whispered to him out of fear.
"Raptor? Don't. Don't point that at me. Do you know who I am? I'm your girlfriend. I'm….?!"
"You're the only person I thought I could trust! Yet you knew my wife was fucking everyone behind my back! Marcus told you!"
With the gun still pointed at me, I realized just how bad my memory was. But I remembered why I forgot it and with desperation kicking in I replied.
"I didn't tell you because I knew it would only do this to you! Why would I want to hurt you like this!? I had no choice!"
"You could have….you fucking…..you…...aghhhh!" Letting out another sharp yell, Raptor threw the arm that held the gun back down to his hips. He was beginning to back up again, but when he saw me try to come forward; the gun came back up. At the same time he ordered.
"Stay back! I already fucking told you! I don't want your help!"
"Raptor listen to me!" I begged him as he proceeded to cry out.
"My whole life I've been used by everyone! All of you! All of you fucking used me and I just couldn't see it! I thought I had friends! I thought I had a family! I thought I had my life back on track after Shadow died! I tried everything to change for my family! For years I struggled to be a dad! I struggled to be a decent husband and even a leader to my people! I was tricked into thinking I had brought someone good into the world! I thought I had a son! But the whole fucking time I've been raising one of my best friend's kids! He had a fucking family of his own so why did he have to take mine!?" He asked me as he lowered back down the gun.
The hand holding the weapon was gripping it so hard I thought it would merge with his body. His venom was slowly subsiding. He was losing all that energy. I could see it in his body movement as his last step backwards looked like he was exhausted behind any shadow of a doubt. However he managed to keep his eyes locked with mine and with the end of his rage coming he growled.
"Everyone is out to fuck me. Everyone. Everything I know is a lie. Zeta?"
With the red venom escaping from his eyes, I widened mine the second I saw them go purple. A moment after he let out a heavy breath and took another moment to look down and close his eyes. Two tears dropped as he did and once he had felt ready, he looked back up to admit to me.
"I can't do this anymore Zeta. I can't take knowing. I just want this to stop."
My eyes flicked to the gun that was still in his hand the second I heard him say the word stop. I felt my heart skip another beat when I saw him start to raise it up. With tears leaving me, I tried to tell him how I felt right now.
"We can make it stop Raptor. Together we can….?!" Pointing the gun right back into my face, Raptor yelled out with all he had.
"I've tried that! I've tried that too many fucking times Zeta and it's done nothing but made things worse!"
"Calm down." I begged him as he screamed.
"Don't tell me to calm down! Don't even fucking talk to me! Just listen!"
Lowering the pistol one more time to his side, Raptor reached up with his other hand to grab and pull his dog tags off from his neck. A second later he tossed them to the ground. They landed a foot in front of me; as my eyes had gone back to him to hear him cry.
"I just wanna rest. I just…..I can't anymore. I don't want to be a god. I don't want to be here anymore Zeta. I'm done."
With my voice falling apart from the pain forming in my heart, I begged him as I saw the gun moving.
"Please don't Raptor. Don't do this to me. I can't lose you. Not after everything."
The gun was halfway up as he just lowered his head and began to shake it to my confession. I felt my body lock up. I couldn't move.
"I'm sorry….I'm sorry…..I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to do."
"Start by lowering the gun. Please Raptor stop!" My voice begged out with a sharp yelp of terror as it reached his head.
"Raptor don't!" I screamed at him as he put the barrel under his chin to reply.
"I'm sorry Zeta."
With his finger curling the trigger, I felt the locks on my legs snap. Next thing I knew, I felt my arms wrap around his chest.
At that exact moment I heard a round go off a few inches above my head.
mT Shadow.