Chapter Five: Divine

Castiel may have had his angelic grace back, but he'd lost Rory in the process and he'd never forgive himself for it.

"C'mon, Cas. You knew her for how long, six months? A year?" Dean asked, and the angel shot him a glare. "We lose people all the time. People we've known for a lot longer. And look, I'm sorry you lost your girlfriend. She was hot and made a mean pie. But you need to have your moment, then put on your big boy pants and move on. Sam and I need you."

"Dean," Sam warned his brother, a look of disapproval clear across his face.

"She… she was everything." Castiel's voice was barely more than a broken whisper as he stared out into the seemingly endless hospital parking lot. "I was going to remain as a human and be with her, but I had to get involved again. They only found her because of her relationship with me. They killed her because of me. She needed me and I couldn't get there in time."

Any and all hopes he had of a human life- getting married, having a family, and growing old with Rory had been crushed the moment he decided to leave town to investigate that angel massacre. He would have to live with that for the rest of his existence.

"I heard her prayers, Dean. The entire time I was driving to get to her, I could hear her voice in my mind, just as clearly as I can hear yours now, pleading, begging for me to get there, to stop them from tying her up, to stop their torture. She begged for it to end, and apologized for not being more careful, for not being strong enough. It lasted for hours… and then I didn't hear her prayers anymore."

Dean was silent and Cas turned to face the brothers, his brows furrowed as he tried not to think about how she'd been taken from him so abruptly.

"I will do what needs to be done, but there's something I need to know before I can move on, as you so eloquently put it. But I never want to hear you say anything like that about her again," Castiel told him firmly. He wouldn't stand for anyone, let alone Dean, belittling her memory like that. "I'll see you when I return."

The angel got back into his car and drove off, ignoring Dean as he called after him.

Castiel reached his destination after hours of driving, the sight of the familiar playground causing nerves to run through him.

He approached the sandbox and looked to the young girl and older woman that were nearby, nodding to them briefly.

"We heard over angel radio, Castiel. Go ahead and take all the time you need, it's already been cleared," the girl told him, following with a quiet, "I'm so sorry."

He stepped into the portal and blinked when he found himself in Heaven, and quickly made his way through the seemingly endless hallways.

Cas ignored the looks of sympathy he was getting from the angels he passed by. He hadn't realized it at the time, but her prayers must have gone to more than just him. He stopped outside of a door he never wanted to see, but knew he had to enter.

He quickly glanced at the placard on the door, the engraved letters staring back at him as his chest tightened. Was it possible for a heart to hurt?

Aurora Grace Anderson

1986 - 2015

Castiel took a deep breath and set the tips of his fingers on the doorknob, turned, and pushed it open.

He entered her personal slice of Heaven and closed the door behind him, smiling to himself as he came into her small, cozy apartment.

The soft sounds of music he'd heard before filled the air and he could hear movement in the kitchen, but first he decided to have a look around, to get a feel for when her Heaven took place.

Everything in the apartment was just about the same as it had been the last time he was there with her. The window was cracked open, the curtains blowing gently and he could hear rain falling outside. He thought this seemed familiar, and then he remembered a day just like this. It had been a rainy afternoon and they'd both had off from work, which was rare. He spotted familiar photos of her friends and family lining shelves and he noticed one of the two of them amongst the others, and his heart ached again. He caught the smell of fresh rain, and he wondered if this was that day.

"Honeybee, is that you?" He heard her voice call from the kitchen. "C'mon, I've been waiting for you."

He could never say no to Rory, so he made his way into the kitchen and stopped in the doorway, struck by how beautiful she was in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers, her hair tied up in a messy bun and familiar, ragged bunny slippers covering her feet.

She beamed at him, her verdant eyes glittering as she took in his presence.

"I made pie," Rory announced, gesturing to the delicious smelling dessert on the counter. "Peach and blackberry. Grandma Anderson's recipe, of course. Your favorite."

She sent him a wink, beckoning him with her pointer finger, and of course he joined her.

Rory cut two slices and dished out vanilla ice cream for each of them, only taking a bite after he did.

"Rory, this is divine," he cut off, startling himself with the realization that they were in her Heaven, and not together on Earth.

They were silent for a few moments before Rory said quietly, "I remember this day, and you definitely weren't wearing a trench coat. I— I'm dead, aren't I?"

Castiel nodded sadly, knowing that he really shouldn't be telling her that, but also knowing that he couldn't lie to her.

"It— it's okay, Cas. If you're here, that must mean I'm in Heaven? I wouldn't imagine Hell being my apartment," she said with a roll of her eyes before suddenly tensing up, "Unless it is… And they lull you into a false sense of security with a fake Heaven, before ripping it away and torturing you until the end of time-"

"Yes, you're in Heaven," he confirmed before she could get too worked up, his head tilted to the side as he looked around. "Your personal Heaven… is the rainy afternoon you spent baking pie for me?"

"It's honestly the happiest I think I'd ever been in my entire life," Rory nodded, a shy smile on her pink lips. "We spent the morning in bed, having the most tender, mind-blowing sex ever… I got you to speak, what was it, Enochian, without realizing it. Then after we showered together and you made omelettes from a tutorial you found on YouTube, I knew you were it for me. That I was head over heels in love with you, and there was no going back. I just wish I had gotten to tell you more than the few times I said it out loud."

Castiel remembered every single time she had uttered those words to him, and he would cherish those memories until he ceased to exist.

"It's my fault," he told her. He had to explain what had happened. How it was his mistakes that had led to her death. He was the reason she'd been followed, held captive… Killed by rogue angels in an act of revenge. He should have made sure that her apartment was properly warded against angels before he left. Maybe then he wouldn't have been too late. If he had been able to keep the angels out, he wouldn't have had to find her lifeless body tied to a dining chair in her living room.

"It's okay, Castiel," Rory interrupted him, taking his hand and squeezing gently. She always knew when he was starting to overthink. "I don't blame you. You know, I'd do it all over again, everything, if it meant I'd get to be with you, for however brief of a time it was."

The angel pulled her into his chest, hugging her tightly. He could smell her shampoo, which had actually been his that morning. It smelled like the woods, earthy and calming, and he closed his eyes, memorizing the feeling, knowing that his time with her was limited.

When he finally pulled away, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head before he took a step back, the space between them feeling like miles now.

"I- I love you, Rory. With my entire being. More than I've ever loved anything, or anyone, before, you have to know that," he choked out, "And I'm so sorry."

Rory looked up at him, a softness in her eyes that he had seen many times before, "I love you too, Castiel."

She reached out and let her fingers trail along his jaw before cupping his cheek, her head tilting as she admired him.

"I'm at peace now, but that doesn't mean you can't stop by every once in a while," Rory winked. "Not like I'm going anywhere."

"I- I know," he mumbled, leaning into her touch and closing his eyes. "I just wish I could have had more time with you on Earth."

Her thumb traced the stubble of his cheek, and he felt her take a step closer to him. Cas opened his eyes to see that she was only a few inches away now and he was comforted by her presence.

"You have far more important things to do than spend time with me, Cas," she breathed, and he could feel the warmth against his neck. "You have a world to save, people that need protecting."

"What does it matter if I couldn't protect you?"

The air around them was still and they were quiet for a few moments, staring at one another, taking each other in.

"You did your best, and that's all that matters," Rory finally said. "Now, I'm sure you have better things to do than be here with me."

A bitter laugh escaped the angel and he shook his head.

"I have things to do, but they're in no way better than being here."

"Then it's time for you to go, Castiel," she said softly, lacing their fingers together and leading him to her front door.

He let her drag him through her home, their home, memories of the time they'd spent there together filling his thoughts as he tried to focus on the feel of his hand in hers so he could commit it to his mind.

Cas stopped in his tracks before they could get to the door, not moving when she tugged on his hand and Rory turned to face him, curiosity in her eyes.

"What's up?" she asked him, and he couldn't leave without giving her a proper goodbye.

"There's one more thing I have to do before I go-"

He gently pushed her back into the door and pressed his lips to hers, putting everything he could into what he knew would be their last moment together.

Rory reacted quickly, one hand tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck, the other tugging on his tie to keep him as close as possible. He never wanted their kiss to end, but when he could sense she was out of breath he pulled away and pressed one final kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, Aurora Grace. Never forget that," his deep, gravelly voice breaking as he moved her away from the door, his hand on the doorknob.

"I love you too, Honeybee. Now get out of here, you've got a world to save," Rory answered with a wink, and he opened the door.

He took one final look over his shoulder at the woman he loved, her encouraging, bright smile making him want to stay with her forever. But he couldn't, so he nodded once and walked out the door.

Back in the bright lights in the white hallways of Heaven, Castiel let his fingers run over her name plate on the door one more time, fighting the urge to rush back inside.

The angel took a deep breath and closed his eyes tight, counted to ten, and released.

"I'll make you proud, Rory," he promised, before turning and exiting the way he came.

He had work to do.