Snapshot: Going Home CH 3

AN: Slashy yummy ahead. Also, was re-reading the series to make note of any loose ends that might need tying up, and noticed a somewhat unintentioned habit of Merlin's, lol. So am addressing it here!

MERLIN101010101010MERLIN

"We'll be entering Dumnonia later afternoon tomorrow," Durstan announced as he seated himself next to Arthur by the fire.

"Good," Arthur nodded. He glanced again toward the woods, clearly distracted.

Durstan shared a look with the other Knights. "As I'm sure you know, it's tradition to enter naked," he dropped casually.

Arthur nodded again. "Tradition is important," he answered absently.

Leon sighed. "Arthur!" he barked, daring to stretch out his leg to kick that of his King.

Arthur startled, looking at his Knight, then gave a sheepish grin. "I'm sorry. It's too quiet. It's making me nervous."

"Or maybe your new beauty marks worked," Gwaine answered with a laugh. "He hasn't been nearly as tightly wound the last two days."

Arthur grinned at the memory of the other night, then shook his head. "Not an entirely unpleasant sacrifice to make if that's true," he admitted.

The nail lines on his chest were already gone, as were quite a few of the bites Merlin tested his limits with. Those on his back, the deeper bites on his side, collarbone, and thigh would take a little longer, but were also well on their way to healing. He'd been disappointed to wake this morning and find the pleasant sting gone.

"You almost sound disappointed," Leon teased, blushing to his hairline.

"I've never been ashamed of my affairs, Leon, and I'm not about to start now. I'm quite sure many will bear similar marks after having been gone so long," Arthur chuckled, winking at Gwaine. The man had never been shy about showing off his exploits, either. "So, yes. Dumnonia. Naked, you said?"

Durstan laughed, shaking his head. "As we ride victorious, there will be quite the procession. Once we enter the border, it would be courteous to stop for the night, give the messengers time to spread the word. I regret my Lady was unable to accompany us. She, as much as anyone, deserves the recognition."

Arthur shrugged. "We've been gone this long. Why don't we just make camp at the border and give them time to get to us? They can't be more than a day or two behind. She would have sent most back to Camelot to be with their families, so they shouldn't be traveling too slowly."

Durstan nodded. "We could, if you're willing. I can send one of my men ahead with the news. Thank you, Sire."

Just then, Merlin came back to camp, as always heading straight for the tent. He didn't seem to be nearly as agitated as before, but he was never in the mood to socialize afterwards. Artemis followed a few moments later, smiling as he joined them around the fire.

"How's he doing?" Arthur asked quietly, pleased when Gwaine began to loudly tease Durstan about looking pretty for their entry into his home Kingdom, ribbing the Prince over how lonely he'd be once the Dumnonian ladies got a look at him.

"Considerably improved. I believe he has the control he needs, now. Whatever you did, it calmed him a great deal, gave him focus. You should talk to him, though," Artemis advised. "I can practically taste the guilt in the air around him. The more control he demonstrated the worse it got."

Arthur nodded, patting the old druid's knee, and rose, saying good night as he always did whenever Merlin returned.

When he entered the tent, he saw Ian throwing concerned glances at the warlock who was sitting on the cot, his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around his legs. The posture itself wasn't unusual, but the vacant stare straight ahead was.

With a wave he dismissed the manservant for the night, and sat on the edge of the cot, his back to his lover. "Artemis tells me you've got control again?" he asked lightly, taking off his boots as he spoke.

Merlin nodded. "I do, I think. It's not overwhelming me when I call it anymore. I feel… balanced, again. Like I control it rather than it controlling me. I still have to be careful, still have to be aware there's so much more of it now, but I think I trust it again."

Arthur nodded, taking off his shirt. "It'll be better once we can get you home to Camelot. Get you in the safety of the Garden again so you can really flex those magic muscles surround by thick walls... " he trailed off, feeling the warlock shift behind him, shivering as Merlin's gloved fingertips lightly brushed the deeper welts on his back. He reveled in the little shocks of arousal it sent through him.

"I'm so sorry, Arthur," Merlin whispered.

Arthur sighed, half turning to look at the guilt that crumpled his lovers' face. He shifted his own position so that he was lying on his back with his head in Merlin's lap, the younger man automatically correcting his own position to accommodate him. He reached up to cup his lover's delicate face. "Merlin, what is it going to take to convince you that I have absolutely no regrets?" he asked gently.

Merlin shook his head. "It's not what I did, Arthur, not really. I can see you enjoyed that, I think. It's how I feel that bothers me."

Arthur took hold of his lover's hand, taking off the glove, bringing it to his lips, kissing the palm. "Oh? And how is that?"

"I was so angry… angry enough that I wanted to hurt you, control you, restrain you… I wasn't even aware I'd done half of these marks until afterwards."

Arthur nipped his way along a long finger. "Hmmmm, yes… and I loved every minute of it."

"Arthur, I'm serious."

"So am I," Arthur grunted as he took one finger into his mouth. He sucked on it for a moment, enjoying the slight stir of arousal in his belly in response to Merlin's low gasp. He reluctantly let the finger go. "And how did you feel afterwards?" He let himself be entertained by sucking on a different digit.

"Calm," Merlin answered. "At least before the guilt set in."

Arthur took his time kissing each finger. "Do you remember when I did something similar to you? I don't feel the slightest bit guilty over it. It's what I needed at the time."

"That's different. You never hurt me, and you let me go when I asked you to."

"I never asked you to let me go," Arthur pointed out, turning the hand to brush his lips against the inner wrist of his lover, smiling when he felt the younger man shiver. "I do recall giving you a choice, and I recall very much appreciating your selection. The entire camp heard how much I agreed with it."

"But, I wasn't able to offer the same when you needed it," Merlin murmured with a blush of shame. "It wasn't right to take what I couldn't give."

"Ah!" Arthur released the hand he'd been playing with, sitting up to face his lover. "And now we get to the core of it. Love, I've not had the experiences you have. It's not fair to compare the two. That night you gave what you could and it was more than enough for me- more even than I could have hoped for, given what happened to you. Boundaries are a part of any relationship," Arthur explained patiently. "We tried something, and it didn't work. It's happened before. It'll happen again. Equally, the other night worked. For me, anyway. I did offer you anything you needed. I wasn't blind to what that need might turn out to be."

Merlin sighed, and nodded, content to leave it. He wasn't explaining himself well, and didn't know how to fix it.

Arthur smiled, brushing back the younger man's bangs. "Merlin, I do understand," he said gently. "After what happened between us when you were possessed, we've always tried so hard to come from a place of love, of pleasure. The other night didn't come from that, it came from anger. And you're afraid of it because afterward, you felt better. And what kind of a monster does that make you?"

Merlin nodded again.

"Love, what was your first reaction when you bound me?"

"Horror," Merlin replied instantly, trying to look away in shame, but Arthur grabbed his chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"And what was mine?"

"I… you… you didn't let me undo it," Merlin replied, smiling as he remembered how fast Arthur had been to distract him from doing just that. "You said you trusted me, even though I used magic."

"Because the other night did come from a place of love, even if it was secondary. I could feel that. If I had asked, would you have let me go?"

"Instantly," Merlin replied with confidence, realizing it was Arthur himself who had stopped him from doing so. Remembered now all the little actions the King had taken, deliberately seeking punishment.

"And when you were possessed, what happened when I tried to pull away?"

Merlin hung his head, still ashamed of the memory. "I… I forced you to keep going."

"Do you see the difference?" Arthur asked softly. "The other night, you were aggressive and confident in what you wanted, but you were still so frustratingly tender, testing how much I could take, asking in your own way every step of the way. I had so many opportunities to stop you, you made sure of it- despite my best efforts."

Arthur breathed in relief when he saw the difference settle onto his lover. He leaned in, kissing him slowly, sweetly. Inviting him to join him, smiling when the younger man responded without hesitation. "Could have stopped you," Arthur whispered, shuddering when Merlin's hands automatically went up his back to steady himself in the kiss. "And only begged for more," he groaned into the kiss, his hands working to peel off the younger man's tunic.

Merlin shivered as the chill night air in the tent hit his skin, matched Arthur's lips, flowing into the kiss even as Arthur pushed him down, pulling his long body straight underneath him. Settling his bulk over him. Merlin's hands roamed his bare chest, and he couldn't stop the moans that came from him whenever those delicate fingers touched one of the marks.

His own hands trailed those sensitive sides, feeling the lean muscles quiver as he touched, swallowed the gasps coming from the lips he still had possession of. Moving one hand, he lightly pinned one bare arm against the cot, shifting his body. Beginning at the open palm, he kissed his way down the inner wrist, the forearm, suckling lightly at the inner elbow.

Arthur closed his eyes for control when Merlin's hips arched against him in response, the boy just as responsive to his tender ministrations as he had been to the violence. He released the arm, and moved to repeat himself on the other.

Merlin panted as Arthur moved to his throat, sucking gently on those few points, then offering soft kisses, making sure not to miss any skin. He felt Arthur roll against him as he let his hands brush hardened nipples, caressing then the smooth skin of hardened abdominal muscles, finally allowing his fingers to expertly work the laces of Arthur's trousers.

He pushed them down a little, using his own still booted feet to pull at material, sighing in lust when his prize sprang loose. He wrapped his hand around it, moving his lips to catch Arthur's, as he worked the girth, easing his hand slowly up and down, tightening and relaxing his grip as he went.

"Merlin," Arthur groaned softly. "Yes, ah, yes." His own hand worked quickly to open Merlin's pants, shuddering when Merlin's hand wrapped tightly around both of them as soon as he was free, working them together. "Oh gods," he breathed, shifting to support himself on his forearms over top of the trembling frame.

Merlin removed his hand, rolling his hips gently against those pressed against him, giving a soft cry as he shook with the pleasure of the meeting. He cried out again when Arthur thrust against him, pulling his lips away as he tossed his head, Arthur's weight preventing him from doing much more than the slight upward movement to match the tantalizing momentum.

"Gods, yes… so beautiful… finish for me love, I want to see," Arthur urged, increasing his pace, pushing himself a little further up on his arms so he could get the full view, and a fuller roll of his hips. He could feel the pearls from their members keeping their slides slick even while he reveled in the gentle heat created by the friction. He pushed harder, delighting in it resulting in the arch of that glorious throat.

Without hesitating, he reached out, wrapping them both in the Bond, increasing his pace as the dual sensations hit him, groaning when Merlin cried out with them. He thrust harder, his own arousal driven by the slightly parted lips, the slim frame arching into him, experiencing everything his lover was through their connection. There was desire, wanton passion, and deeper, there was love, and an exquisite tenderness in this. It only added fuel to his desire.

"Arthur!" Merlin panted breathlessly, and Arthur shivered at what it did to his own arousal, ownership and possession rising from the Bond though it was impossible to tell which one it came from.

He went faster as those cries increased, the hips that had been keeping pace with him faltering, the wave of pleasure from the Bond overwhelming him only a moment before he felt the pulse of Merlin's shaft against his, felt the release of essence slicking both of them, and the final soft cry sent him into his own climax, mixing their essence together in a way that felt right to the King as he cried out.

They shook together as the Bond carried their waves of euphoria through to each other, drawing it out even once they had both spent themselves utterly. Arthur leaned his forehead to Merlin's, riding out the aftershocks with small movements of his hips.

"I love you," Merlin breathed, reaching up to run his fingers over his lover's face.

The rare words from Merlin's mouth, combined with the truth of their strength in the Bond, left him speechless, choosing instead to grab those kiss swollen lips again.

MERLIN101010101010110101010MERLIN

Arthur sighed in contentment, enjoying the quiet morning. He was sitting against a log with his lover leaning up against his chest, their fingers playing absently with each other. Artemis, Leon, Gwaine and Durstan had gone for a walk to help the old druid collect herbs. The other soldiers had set up a camp further away from them and seemed to be hosting their own games to keep themselves entertained.

He had nothing better to do than spend the day relaxing, enjoying the sun, the slightly cooling temperatures as fall settled in, and wait for Gwen to arrive. Even Ian was taking some time to himself, relaxing at the nearby stream with a fishing pole he'd made with the threads from the clothing Merlin had magically ripped off them. Some of the other Knights had gone with him.

Merlin, bless him, had a scroll in his free hand, lips moving as he mumbled to himself, still trying to learn about his estates, though Arthur could feel how relaxed he was against him, so doubted much was penetrating. The boy tended to get frustrated with those reports. Still, Arthur had to give him credit for his dedication to learning.

He'd tried to help, but they'd soon discovered he wasn't much of a teacher in that regard. He'd been raised and tutored all his life to manage such things, not to explain them. Concepts he took for granted were completely foreign to Merlin. It didn't matter. He was content in the comfortable silence between them. It left him time to think, though admittedly his only grand thought so far this peaceful morning had been the exquisite length of Merlin's fingers as they toyed his with own.

Suddenly, Merlin was up and out of his arms before Arthur had a chance to even register he'd moved! Frowning, he opened his mouth to ask why his lover was suddenly on the other side of the fire when he heard it- voices carrying over as Gwaine and the others returned. He narrowed his eyes as an unpleasant realization started to dawn on him.

"Merlin?"

The younger man blushed, waving the report in his hand as the others came into view. "I've finished this one. I need another." And he took off for the tent they shared.

Arthur was on his feet and right behind him before the others even reached the edge of their camp, throwing back the flap in frustration.

"What was that?" he demanded.

Merlin looked up from the stack of papers he was going through, genuinely confused. "What was what?"

"You moved!"

Merlin frowned, nodding slowly. "Yes. To get another report, as I said…"

"Merlin! No one jumps like that to fetch a piece of paper. You always do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Merlin, I'm in no mood for you to play roundabout with this. How did I never see it before?"

"Arthur, you're not making sense. See what?"

"Every time there's a chance someone can see us together, you warn me, try to move away. You've always done, since the beginning. You sincerely expected me to be ashamed of the marks you'd made on me- as if I wasn't right there letting you make them!- and whenever I kiss you in public, you're always tense. The rare times you've ever touched me, or kissed me, where someone could see has always been in extreme circumstances. I'm trying to figure out if you're ashamed of being in a relationship with me…"

"No! Arthur! Absolutely not!" Merlin replied without hesitation.

"Then you think I'm ashamed of being in one with you," Arthur finished, knowing he'd hit the mark when the boy tensed, and wasn't quite as quick with his objection.

"Arthur…"

"That's it, isn't it?" Arthur sat down heavily in the chair in their tent, scrubbing a hand over his face, shocked he hadn't seen it sooner. All those times, coming easily to mind now that he thought about it, that he'd brushed off. "Years, Merlin, we've been together, and I never realized you felt this way."

"Arthur, you're the King. And you've always taken pride in your image, most especially the punch-to-the shoulder-for-reassurance- horseplay image. Gods, Arthur, you wouldn't even hug me before I died- except the once, when you thought I was dead," Merlin pointed out, his faces scrunched in confusion. "I'm not sure what the problem is. I've always accepted that was a part of who you were."

"So it comes back to my pride," Arthur growled, standing and pacing. Would he never be rid of that damnable personality flaw? He'd been full of it in his youth, he'd admit that. And even Gwen had pointed it out to him once before. That it would take time for Merlin to move from having objects thrown at him to tenderness. Years, however, had mellowed him. Circumstances and events that had shown him how shallow a meaning an image had. It had been Merlin himself who had pointed out that the men didn't follow him, believe in him, because of an image- they did so for who he truly was. Time had proven that true- apparently to everyone except the man he happened to love.

"Arthur, it's not a big deal," Merlin smiled at him, shrugging.

"Did you ever think, Merlin, that it might be to me?" Arthur asked quietly. "You've complained, and equally boasted, for years that I never do anything by half measures. But somehow, you think you're the exception to that rule. I'm about to marry you," Arthur pointed out. "Did you think that was going to be a private affair?"

Merlin grinned. "I'm always the exception to your rules, Arthur. It's always been that way," he teased.

Arthur sighed, realizing Merlin wasn't understanding him. The blink he'd gotten in return had answered his question. Apparently, despite his very public announcement of his intent to marry the Elder Prince, Merlin really did believe it would be a small affair, known but not seen. Come to think of it, that seemed to be the younger man's entire view on their relationship. Known, but rarely if ever seen.

"Merlin, I'm not joking about this."

Merlin sighed. "I can see that, I'm just not sure what's upsetting you," he admitted. "It's never bothered me."

"So you still think I'm an arrogant prat?" Arthur asked him. "A clotpole? Dollophead? A royal ass?"

"You still think I'm an useless idiot?" Merlin shot back. "A buffoon? A coward? A girl's petticoat?"

Arthur blinked, surprised by the answer. "You know I don't. I'm hoping you know by now I never did."

"The point, Arthur, is that we've both come a long way from the two boys having a pissing contest in the market," Merlin said softly. "Every step has been needed to build all we have achieved together. I believe that, even the less than perfect parts. We were both cruel to each other- neither of us is innocent of it."

Arthur nodded sadly. "So all that you can look back on all that and accept that it's changed, but not my pride? I'm still a proud man, Merlin, but not because of image. I'm proud of my skills, of my victories, of what we've accomplished, and I'm proud to be with you. I once offered to bend a knee to you, Merlin- not because of the titles you hold, but because of who you were born to be. I hold to that offer still. Did you think it was just an idle piece of pillow talk? That I, an admittedly proud man, would make that offer to just anyone?"

Merlin looked away, a flush coming to his cheeks. "I told you then, and I meant it, I've never wanted that. And please don't say it again." He shuddered, Sigan's voice ringing in his memories.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Arthur apologized, seeing the same distress on the boy as he had seen the day he'd offered it. There were certain things they'd both agreed to never say to each other again. "Merlin, I want very badly to believe my instincts in this are wrong. That this doesn't come down to a servant being worth less than a King. That this isn't because the insecure Prat I once was somehow managed to convince you that you aren't worthy of being seen with."

Merlin looked away, having no answer to give to that while still being truthful, and Arthur's heart broke. "Not wrong then," he murmured, nodding sadly. "I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way, that somehow you still feel that way. It's certainly not the way I felt once I made the leap to love you."

Merlin closed his eyes as Arthur ducked out of the tent, his entire posture screaming saddened defeat.

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"Uh oh… what'd you do now?" Gwaine muttered to Arthur as he watched Merlin storm out of the tent toward where they were standing with Leon, Durstan and several other Dumnonian soldiers.

Arthur shook his head, turning to head toward his obviously furious lover. He'd only left him ten minutes ago- albeit not in a good way. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when he suddenly found the boys' mouth crashing into his, the warmth of his body pressed up against him. He responded instinctively, not understanding but not willing to stop. His Merlin had always been glorious in his fury!

"I am not a servant," Merlin growled loudly into it.

Arthur shook his head. "You're not. Never really were."

Merlin put his hands on the King's hips, pulling them closer together even as their tongues danced. "I was born your equal, and have always been your equal," he hissed in between his attacks.

"Gods yes," Arthur groaned into the fierceness of the kiss.

Merlin pulled back then, his hand moving to the back of Arthur's head, playing with the golden locks. "I chose to serve you." He leaned in again, sucking at the bottom lip, shivering when Arthur dove back in to assault his lips. "I am worthy."

"Of me, and so much more," Arthur growled back in fervent agreement, crying out when Merlin's nip to his lip split it.

Merlin nodded, tearing away, shoving the King's chest as he did so. "Good." And he returned to the tent, leaving Arthur standing there, breathing heavily, trying to force down his obvious arousal in front of the group of his friends and colleagues.

"What was that?" Gwaine asked, coming up beside him.

Arthur wiped a thumb across his lip, arching an eyebrow at the blood on it, and he grinned. "That was Merlin proving a point as only he could."

Gwaine shook his head, clapping his King on the shoulder as he sighed. "You're a very lucky man, Princess."

Arthur chuckled. "Don't I know it."