Okay, so I felt bad about where I left off and it seemed choppy, so deviating from the schedule, we bring to you the next chapter of Rey's thoughts!
We met under the strangest set of circumstances, during a time in my life when I was so confused, and everything was extremely chaotic. Our first meeting had me thinking that the team had stooped low enough to send a girl into the boys' locker room to set me up on a date after Kriya to bring back the old, happy Rey. I never even fathomed that you would come into my life and flip it on its head. I kept pushing you away, keeping you as a friend because you were my best friend's sister and I'd seen how protective he was of you. You toughed it out in front of everyone else after you became GS and had to shoulder all that responsibility. You took on that responsibility when nobody else would, for fear of upsetting the previous holder of the post- me. But you took it on, never telling anyone the reason. All while knowing very well that I had sworn after I stepped down from the post that whoever took over the post would be my number one enemy from that day on. But how could I hate you Taani?
How could I hate you when I saw how you were with Swayam at home? When I saw the real Taani, cleaning up after everyone else's mess, exhausted every night after keeping her back up all day, getting every single report done on time, giving the house help days off and taking care of the entire house yourself, making every meal for your brother, taking care of Sharon's blunders as a cultural secretary staying up all night when she messed up, all while taking no credit for herself. The Taani who organized the most successful charity event this college had seen in the past decade? I used to marvel at how selfless a person could be when I looked at you Taani. You gave your best, picked fights with the dance team, knowing damn well that some of them hated you, just to push them to be better at their skill. You pushed us to be better and to reach for greater heights. All while taking so much onto yourself. You never even told your own brother anything. How could I hate the person who emulated with her every action the word selfless?
You picked fights with me, stopping me and reminding me that it wasn't your fault that your excellent work ethics led the authorities to select you for this post. Hell, they might have selected you, but I was the one that had nominated you in the first place. I brought your name forward when Sharon prompted me to think about how mature you were in handling tasks and how seriously you took your duties as my assistant. No matter how rude I was, no matter what I said, you stood there and let me vent. You kept me on the straight and narrow. You even convinced the college authorities that I had stepped down due to a lapse in judgment and to let me back into a position as your assistant.
Yet, the minute I stepped in, I abused the power I had received and let it get to my head. I forgot that every action I took, everything I said reflected back onto you. I would get away scot-free as an assistant, but you caught all the flack, and you never even uttered a single word about it to anybody. You repressed it, buried it deep, deep inside you. You put on a mask for everyone else, but you forgot that there was someone else who was privy to the moments you let your guard down at home. Swayam may have been too busy in his relationship with Sharon, but when I came over, my eyes looked for you. My heart saw yours weep through the smile on your face. I worried for you, despite there being nothing between us. You wormed your way into my heart with your conviction. You once told me that you wanted to understand and get to know me the way Kriya understood me and I went off on you. The truth is Taani, Kriya never understood me. You did. I said so much that day that I didn't expect you to forgive me. But you did. You've always forgiven me for every single word I've uttered in anger. I don't deserve any of that or you. I know you're too good for me Taani, you've proven it repeatedly.
Sweetheart, I know I shouldn't have gotten a third person involved in our relationship, but I didn't know what to do. I saw you losing yourself and your ambition as our relationship progressed. I should have talked to you. I tried to understand your point of view and your thoughts. But the truth that I have finally figured out is that I never truly understood you or even tried to. I always thought you were wrong. When my friends thought that you were in the way of our aspiration of starting a dance academy and they mocked you for being a non-dancer, I kept mum. I never raised my voice in your defense. After a whole year of being together, you sprung it on me that your dream was to be Mrs. Reyaansh Singhania and you would be satisfied with your life. And again, I misunderstood you. I thought you had given up on your dreams, to be with me and I never wanted that. You've suffered so much and you've had to give up your dreams and ambitions through life. Now I see that you just wanted someone to take care of you. You just wanted a life partner who would be there for you. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be a spouse who stays at home. It's one of the toughest jobs out there and I belittled you and it in my confused haze.
Because I forgot that there are two people involved in a relationship. I forgot that to understand you, I need to talk to you and ask you for your opinion. You were right when you said that there was never an "us" in this relationship, just me. All there ever was were my dreams, my friends. I always treated you like my girlfriend, but I forgot that I had to be your boyfriend too. I assumed so many things about us and took so many things about you for granted and yet, you never protested. You kept sacrificing yourself for me until you couldn't give anymore, and I kept taking.
I wish I could tell you that everything Sharon said was scripted, written and orchestrated by her. I wish I could tell you that I had no way to prepare myself for the words that my eyes read and that my mouth spat out. I wish I could tell you that I read Sharon the riot act and for the first time in my life screamed at her because she had definitely gone too far. I wish for a lot of things, but nothing more than I wish I could take back all the misery I've given you in the last 2 months. I saw your heart break at the words that came out of my mouth and I have regretted nothing, nothing more than those words, spoken that day. I should have stopped it. But I got scared. I was scared to lose you and by not doing anything to fix my mistake, I lost you anyway.
By not speaking up, I pushed you away from me and for that, I deserve whatever you've said. I deserve this distance between us because I'm the one who put it there. I deserve all of this Taani, but you don't. You deserve happiness. You deserve to have your own life, your own identity, and your own ambitions.
And today, I, Reyaansh Singhania, promise you Taani, that I'll start smiling again. I'll start dancing again. I'll become the Rey that you fell in love with. I give you that promise freely. And, I promise you one more thing. I promise that one day, Rey and Taani will reunite. And I'll wait for the day when you'll be ready to forgive me. Because you loved me once. And if I hold on long enough, maybe you'll love me again. He took out the diary that had once occupied Taani's desk drawer. This was the only thing he had left now until Taani herself returned.