Part 2

but if the story's over why am i still writing pages?

They should have a spell for it somewhere in the Bunker, shouldn't they? They have fucking spells for everything here. A spell to resurrect an angel – shouldn't be too hard. Wasn't that what Nick had tried with Lucifer, anyway? There should be notes left somewhere.

Sam will kill him when he gets home and sees the mess Dean is leaving – books discarded and scattered on the floor, open boxes of dangerous artefacts – you should be careful, Dean, Cas says in his head. He doesn't have the time to be careful, and he doesn't care.

He is methodical, though. One book after the other; one shelf after the other. He looks at everything. He uses Sam's system to find the books that can help him. Rage is gone; there's only cold determination now.

He needs Cas. He knows that now, more than ever. If Cas doesn't come back, then it's the end.

He finds nothing, nothing, nothing. He keeps praying, but nothing happens.

Come back, Cas, come back. Please wake up and come back. I beg you. Come back, Cas, come back. He feels as if he's screaming in the void.

Rowena's notes, the Book of the Damned. That should do it, Dean thinks. How hasn't he thought of it sooner? Maybe he should call Rowena. He doesn't know where his phone is, though. He dropped it at some point – it kept buzzing, and Dean can't care about the rest of the world when Cas is no longer there. The world be damned, he thinks, and he knows he'll regret thinking that, but right now, he can't bring himself to care. Why would he care when Cas is dead?

Will Cas still think he is selfless and loving if he abandons Sam and Jack and humanity?

Perhaps. But he can't do it without Cas. He never was able to.

The Book of the Damned sends ripples of darkness and disgust throughout him when he touches it. Thankfully, Sam kept Rowena's notes near it, and Dean just has to read them.

Rowena wouldn't mind, he knows she wouldn't. Not for Cas. Not if it's Dean saving Cas. Because she knows, and Dean realises now that she doesn't just know about his feelings, but about Cas's as well. And if he thinks about it – he doesn't want to, but his mind goes there without his permission – everybody knew, actually. Sam. Mom. Charlie. Bobby. Every angel and every demon they met.

All this time spent being shamed that people knew what he felt, and if he'd gotten his head out of his ass, he'd have understood they weren't just speaking about him.

It takes some time, but Dean finds it. Resurrecting an Angel – pulling an Angel from the Empty, Rowena wrote. Of course she took the time to work on it after Cas's last death. She loves Cas, too. Not like Dean does, but she does.

When this is over, when Cas is back, Dean will do something nice for Rowena. He doesn't know what yet, but he will.

He reads the procedure carefully. He needs salt – not hard to find. His own blood – not a huge sacrifice to make, unlike Cas's sacrifice. A bowl, and fire – easy. Reciting an incantation – can do.

The last ingredient, though... Dean's heart drops.

Blood of the Nephilim related to the deceased angel, Rowena wrote.

Jack doesn't have his mojo any longer, and he isn't related to Cas – not by blood, anyway. Dean knows family don't end in blood, but the universe and magic are stupid – not surprising, they've been created by Chuck.

Is that how it ends? Dean thinks. Tears and despair burn his eyes again. Does it end because Cas never had a Nephilim child? It can't be possible.

But Rowena has written other things, too. Is Nephilim blood necessary? Does the Angel need to have a child? Unsure. Blood of another angel won't do. Needs deep connection? Unique bond. What other bond than parent and child?

Dean smiles bitterly at that. Rowena can say all she wants, she can be queen and all that jazz, but she still misses Crowley. Of course she does.

But this "unique bond" thing gives him an idea. Perhaps an angel doesn't need a Nephilim child to come back. Perhaps – just perhaps – any unique bond would do. A deep bond. A more profound bond.

At the time, he had cringed when Cas had said that, because – well, it sounded like a chick-flick thing, and Dean was still denying some things. But now, things are different.

His hand touches his left shoulder, absent-mindedly. The last time Cas touched him, and it wasn't for any of the things Dean sometimes imagined, when he was too tired of pretending.

Cas rebuilt his body, he thinks. Dean's blood and entire body have already been claimed – and his heart too. He is no child of Cas's – thank fuck – but Cas left his imprint on him. It should be enough.

Billie said he never followed a rule in his life, but Dean follows Rowena's notes more carefully than he's ever done something.

Draw a salt ring. Step inside. Drip your blood to a bowl. Add the blood of the Nephilim.

Dean hesitates. What should he do? Add only his own blood? He shrugs. If it doesn't work, he'll try differently, that's all. He'll try day after day if he has to.

If Cas thought Dean'd let him die and live the rest of his life happily, he was sorely mistaken.

He won't quit until Cas is alive and next to him. Or until Cas is in his arms. Dean will keep him embraced forever; he doesn't think he'll be able to let go of Cas any time soon. Suddenly, the idea of hugging Cas – keeping him close – touching him – doesn't seem as forbidden as it used to be. It only sounds good, and real. It's something Dean can have, can allow himself to have.

Envelop the Nephilim blood in a cloth. Burn all the blood. Pray to the fire.

Please, Cas, come back. Wake up, Cas, please, and come back, come back, come back.

Dean doesn't want to say the Words, not know. Cas deserves better than to hear them when he's still in the Empty. He deserves to hear them in person, to receive them properly. These words are precious, Dean can't give them like that.

Recite the incantation.

"... Nexus noster, restitutus est. Surgas ex abysso, in lumine existas! "

Dean doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't care. He's prepared for everything – fighting, negotiating, begging.

He's relieved to see something happen, though. He was right. Their bond was enough.

Of course it was enough, he thinks. Their bond has always been stronger than anything else. It's the only real and beautiful thing in Dean's life, after – and perhaps in Cas's life too.

A dark rift opens in front of him, and the same black slime that came out to take Cas creeps from it into the room. It takes a form, slowly, slowly.

Cas?

But the form is feminine, and blonde, and looks at him with exasperation.

"You?" it asks.

"Meg?" he answers.

The fuck. He wanted Cas, not her. Why would the Empty send Cas's demonic ex-girlfriend in Cas's stead?

She rolls her eyes. "Why would I send you Meg? Why do you all believe that? It was amusing at first, but it's becoming exhausting, really. Too bad it's not exhausting enough to send me back to SLEEP!" She yells that last word.

"You're the Empty," he said, understanding dawning on him.

"Ding, ding! Winchester number two has the correct answer!"

Dean hates her – it – already. This thing with its sardonic voice and disgusting grin. That thing that cursed Cas to never be happy.

And whose fault is it if he was never happy, say, Dean?

That thing that took Cas from him.

"Didn't expect you to see so soon," the Empty adds, her voice bored. "Daring of you to bother me while I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh, sorry to wake you up," he says, sarcastic.

"Well, it's not as if I can sleep," she goes on, as if she hasn't heard him. Dean is so tired of cosmic entities. "I'm awake now – thanks to your little angelic friend – and everything is loud now – say thank you to your bomb of a Nephilim. These two –"

"It wasn't Jack," Dean cut in. "Billie sent him there. God and she turned him into a bomb."

"Oh?" says Meg. "Well, glad I took her, then. She thought she'd be the boss of me – ha! Used me – told me to let the Nephilim go – well, she got what she deserved."

"Speaking of," Dean cuts in, once again. "You have someone I want."

"Ooooh," the Empty says with ugly delight. "Let me guess –"

"Give me Cas back."

"The little angel! I knew it. It was obvious, of course. Did he finally tell you he loved you? Oh, of course he did. That's why he was happy enough for me to take him, huh? You and him got all loved up –"

Something must have shown on Dean's face, because the Empty abruptly stops speaking, and frowns. "What? It wasn't that?" She looks at Dean carefully. She mustn't be too good at understanding humans yet, because she looks confused.

"Well. Doesn't matter. You want your angel back to love him up some more, don't you?"

"It doesn't matter why I want him back. Just let him go."

"Why?" the Empty asks. She looks around, sweeps some books off a chair, and sits down. "Castiel and I had a deal. I let the Nephilim go, and I would get Castiel in exchange. One moment of happiness, and his ass is mine. Instead of being yours," she adds with a smile, and Dean swears he's never wanted to punch someone that hard before. It only seems to amuse her more.

"You let Jack go without a deal," Dean reminds her. He doesn't know what to say to win. But he needs that win. He's already lost too much. Chuck has won, the Empty has won, Billie has won, and Dean is tired of losing everything he holds dear.

"There was a deal too," the Empty tells him. "With Billie. I let Jack go, Billie makes me sleep again."

"Billie lied," Dean said. "And you still can't sleep."

A scowl screws up Meg's face. "No. I can't. She lied to me, and paid for it. That was the deal too. And what deal can you give me, Dean Winchester? There's nothing you can give me."

"You can have God," Dean blurts before thinking.

Meg's face shows surprise. "What?"

"God," Dean insists. "You can have him."

"You can't give me God. You don't have him. You can't have him."

"No," Dean says, thinking hard and fast. "And I can't promise you you'll get him, either. But he's your only chance to go back to sleep."

"What are you talking about?"

Dean's throat is dry, but he has to do it. He's never been good with words – but he needs to be now. For Cas.

"Chuck – God – absorbed Amara. He is the most powerful being in the universe now. You and him are the only cosmic beings left. And he's destroying our world right now as we speak. He won't leave you alone. He wants to be the only master of everything. He plotted to destroy Amara. He did the same with Billie. He won't let you sleep. And I think he'll destroy you, too. He wants to start over, to control everything."

And as the words spill from his mouth, Dean grows sure he is saying the truth. And he realises, with fright, that Cas isn't simply dead. Cas will be completely destroyed if Chuck has his way.

Dean can't let that happen.

The Empty looks like she has swallowed acid. "Right," she says after some time. "Fine. If I get the opportunity, I'll take him. Perhaps the Nephilim bomb gave me that power. We'll see. I agree to help you, fine. But why should I let the angel go?"

"Because Cas is the only one that God can't control."

The Empty blinks, then laughs. "Why am I even surprised? This angel is a nuisance. Can't leave well enough alone. Billie hated him too. Pretty much every cosmic entity hates him! I should be glad I have him. I defeated the great Castiel that no fate can bend!"

When she puts it that way, Dean feels oddly glad. Glad to have the privilege to know Cas.

It is humbling, to remember that Cas – Cas, his best friend, his angel, his family – is a celestial, millennia-old being, who has chosen to stay with him and Sam. Dean used to think that this was why there was no way Cas could possibly love him back. Why would an angel – the only good angel in Heaven, the one who fought for humanity and for Heaven – love him, a broken human whose place was in Hell?

And yet Cas – this unique, beautiful angel that no fate can bend – does love him. How has Dean managed that – how is that even possible that Cas, bigger-than-life Cas, fell in love with him? he thinks, awed. And yet it is the truth. Cas – Cas can be his, and he can be Cas's. If – when – he gets Cas back.

He doesn't know how he can be Cas's happiness, but that's what he wants: to make Cas happy.

"If we want to defeat God, we need Cas," Dean adds. His voice sounds broken, and he wishes it were firmer. "Chuck can control me, he can control Sam, and Jack, and everyone else on Earth – human, monster, demon, angel. We're all part of his story. You probably are, too. Cas is the only one who isn't. We can't defeat God without Cas."

"Mmh," the Empty says, pouting. "I think you're lying to me, Winchester. I'm pretty sure your brother lied to me, after all. Why not you?"

"God will destroy you," Dean exclaims.

"What?"

"Chuck wants Cas gone for good. All the times Cas died – especially the last one – he kept coming back. Chuck doesn't want Cas in the story anymore. He'll make sure Cas is destroyed forever."

"And to do that... you think he'll destroy me, too? To make sure?" the Empty asks.

She laughs, but it sounds as empty as she is. Dean swallows, penibly. She is thinking about it. Hope points its pretty yet ugly head in Dean's heart. He hates hope; this bitch has never been good for him.

"He's brought Castiel back before," the Empty points out.

"Not the last time."

She blinks, looks away. Silence stretches out between them, and once again, Dean has to stifle hope, nip it in the bud to avoid being disappointed.

"You just want Castiel back because you're pathetically in love with him," she says, accusingly.

"Yes," he admits.

Cas was right. It is freeing, after all. To admit it all. To confess it all. And the Empty doesn't even blink – doesn't even seem to consider it abnormal. She says it as if it were a universal truth. Something simple, unquestionable.

Cas said it the same way, too.

Perhaps it is simple, in the end.

"But it doesn't mean the rest isn't true," Dean points out. "Chuck will destroy Cas forever. Do you think I'd want that?"

"No," the Empty admits. "I don't think you would." She's mocking him, he knows that, but he doesn't even care.

"Give him back to me," Dean asks, trying to sound commanding instead of begging. "He won't annoy you ever again. Every time you had him, something happened. Give him to me, and never take him again. Then maybe you'll be able to rest."

"I hate breaking a deal," the Empty whines.

"Chuck's writing this story. What makes you think it was your deal? How do you know he didn't do all that in purpose? So that you'd make a deal with Cas and he'd be eternally unhappy? Doesn't that sound like something Chuck would want?"

She remains silent for a while, mulling over what Dean's just said. His fists are clenched so hard his nails hurt the sensitive skin of his hands.

"And you know what," he adds. "Even if you don't give him back to me, I'll keep trying. I'll never quit. I'll try again, and again, and again. You'll never be able to sleep again. I'll wake you up every day of my life, and even after that. I need him. I want him. I'll do everything it takes to have him back."

If her eyes could kill, Dean would have died a thousand times already. But he does feel dead already; so he doesn't feel the difference.

"Fine," she finally spits. "I'll help you defeat God if I can. And you can take your little angel back, if you want him so much. You've woken him up with your ritual, already," she adds, frowning. "He was on his way to join you, but I wanted to see you first."

Again with the playing and the toying. Dean clenches his jaw and stifles his anger. Now is not the time. "And you lift the curse, of course."

"You know what? I'm so tired of him that if you manage to get him back you can keep him. He'll go to Heaven or Hell or God's ass when he dies, I don't even care."

Dean's heart stops beating. "What do you mean if I manage to get him back?"

The Empty smiles like a cat that has just played the mice and eaten them. "Well, my dear little Dean Winchester, I love sleeping, and making fair deals, but I hate being bossed around. I hate being summoned, and I hate the little angel you love so much. I think I hate Winchesters, too. Billie told me she wanted me to have you once you die, but I think I'll pass on that. So, did you really think I'd let you get your angel back so easily?"

She gestured nonchalantly towards the black rift opened behind her. "Get in here, Winchester. He's waiting for you on the other side. Get him back... if you can."

I promise we see Cas in the next chapter! Don't be angry, I needed the negotiation thing to happen!
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