(Hello dear readers! Every time I post another chapter to this story I get more and more reviews and favorites and alerts! I love it! It makes me feel all toasty inside! I know that this is pretty early for a Valentine's Day chapter, but considering my busy schedule and the fact that it's a two-parter for the holiday, I thought it would be best to post this part now so I can post the second in time. Enjoy!)

Chapter Eight

My Funny Valentine

Valentine's Day was coming and the asylum's patients were required to make a Valentine's Day card for their fellow inmates. But Katherine was not very happy about that rule.

"I'm not gonna do it! I'll make one for my brother, I'll make one for Chelsea; heck I'll even make one for Harley Quinn, but I will not make one for him!"

Amber sighed and let her eyes scan over the materials scattered all over the tables that she and Gatsby had set up in a smaller recreation room. Scraps of construction paper, bottles of glue, child proof safety scissors, and glitter were nowhere near the places that they had been set in the beginning. "Let me guess who this him is; the Joker?"

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!" Katherine sang out.

They were interrupted by Katelynn as she threw some glitter into the air and it glided down onto her. She let out a high-pitched squeal. "Oooh! I sparkle just like Edward!" she cried happily.

This remark caused several pairs of eyes to look at Edward Nigma. "I don't sparkle!" he insisted.

"Not that Edward; Edward Cullen!" Katelynn said. The eyes looked away.

Amber focused back on Katherine. "You have to write everyone a valentine. That includes the Joker," she told her.

Katherine stuck out her bottom lip. "But I can't do it!"

"Just write down, 'Happy Valentine's day from Katherine.'"

"Nurse Amber, I can't do it!"

"What do you mean you can't do it?"

"I'll pick up the pen and try to write 'Happy Valentine's Day' but that won't be what comes from that pen. Instead, it might be something like; 'I hope you have a miserable Valentine's Day and that you never find the one who makes you feel whole and that your future be full of dark days and cold lonely nights. With all the hatred in my heart, Katherine.'"

"…Oh. Well, surely there are other patients that you like enough to write a card to? Who else?"

"Let's see… I don't like Joker, I don't like Harley, I don't like Chelsea cause she likes the Joker, I don't like Katelynn-."

"But you two are best friends."

"The other Katelynn."

"Oh." "I really need to find a way to label those two."

"I don't like Jervis as a criminal, but I love him as a person; I'm okay with Ivy, but I don't like her cause I don't understand why she'd rather be with plants than with a guy. And up until two months ago, I liked Dent, but then he kept teasing Mr. Riddler about his mistletoe mishap with the Joker and now I don't like him. I like Crane because he's pretty, but I hate him when he sets my brother off on a screaming rampage."

"Is there anyone you do like?"

"Mr. Riddler, Katlyn, and Tommy."

Amber sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Just make some cards, okay?" She stared across the room at the rest of her charges. Everyone was working on their cards without much of a fuss… except… Amber saw Crane looking at Caleb. His mouth moved to form the dreaded word that would set Caleb off. He only got as far as the 'B'. "Crane!"

Crane's head shot up to face the voice that had called him so sharply. Amber narrowed her eyes at him while tapping her finger on the table. Crane hung his head in what could pass as shame if Amber didn't know that he really felt none for giving Caleb panic attacks. He went back to working on his project.

Amber stood up from the chair and began to make her rounds. Though some of her charges were adults, she still had to watch them and make sure they didn't misbehave… or have a major break down. As she passed the Joker, she glared when she saw him eyeing the child proof scissors with a devious smile on his face. She cleared her throat to get his attention. He looked up from the scissors like a child caught in the act of sneaking cookies before dinner.

"How are you're cards coming along, Joker?" Amber asked, pointedly.

The Joker licked his lips and grinned. "Just great," he replied. They stared at each other until Amber sat in the chair opposite of him and gave a forced smile.

"Please, continue," she said, motioning towards his cards.

The Joker's smile slowly melted off his face when he realized Amber was not going anywhere; she was going to baby-sit him! His expression slowly turned into a pout with a bit of anger in it. He wanted to slash that smug look off her face. He tightened his grip on the scissors and restrained himself from lashing out. He had to remind himself that Amber was the only nurse who was less strict. If he killed her; no more play time. "Ugh! Curse you, Amber Johnson. Curse you." And the doctors said he had no self-control? Phft!

The Joker forced a smile on his face and resumed cutting shapes. Amber's smug look toned down a bit and she glanced around to check on the others. She looked back at the Joker to find him staring at her in an unnerving way. He continued to cut the paper, his eyes on her, with surprising accuracy. After a few more seconds of this, Amber couldn't take it anymore. "Stop it!" The outburst caused a few of her charges to flinch.

The Joker licked his lips and grinned. "Aaaw. I thought pretty girls liked to be looked at," he said smoothly.

Amber folded her arms over her chest and leaned back in the seat. "Not when you're the one looking."

"Oooh! You just struck out!" Katherine teased.

"She's a tough one! She doesn't count!" the Joker objected, pointing at Amber. "She's different from other women!" He looked at Amber and cocked his head to the side. "You're not a lesbian, are you?" he asked, suspiciously.

Amber's jaw dropped. "Of course not!"

"Then why are you not blushing or giggling when I flirt with you?"

"Because I'm not Katelynn, Harley, or Chelsea." At the mention of Chelsea, a tiny giggle was heard near the Joker's feet. They both looked down to see Chelsea with her arms latched around his legs.

"It's a good thing you're not," the Joker said as he pried the girl off.

"You attract the insane, Mr. Joker, and I am not insane."

The Joker leaned forward with his hands clasped behind his back. "Well, you must be if you're still working here," he said with a grin.

Amber held up two fingers. "Two words; Fat. Paycheck."

"… Touché."

"I rest my case."

"Oh, really? Well then, while we're on the subject of cases… get off mine!"

Amber stood her ground and cocked her head to the side. "I believe, Mr. Joker, that if you're done with your cards, you should go to your cell and remain there till I think it necessary to bring you back out," she said calmly.

Crane lifted an eyebrow at her, slightly impressed. The girl had lasted in Arkham much longer than he anticipated and at the moment, she had made the Joker's remark back fire. That caused Crane to smirk at the clown. The Joker noticed and stuck out his tongue. Amber turned to see who he was making faces at and Crane slapped on a pitiful look; the innocent victim to the Joker's taunts.

Amber glared at the Joker. "Go to your cell," she ordered.

"Sir, yes, sir," the Joker muttered and turned to leave.

"Wait; you need an escort with you," Amber reminded him.

"Are you offering?" he teased. Amber frowned and he laughed. She was so much fun to mess with! "I'll, uh, take my leave," he announced with an exaggerated bow. The Joker turned on his heel and left the room. The sounds of shouting voices could be heard outside the door.

"It's the Joker!"

"He's escaping!"

"Get a tazor on him, now!"

"What? No! Not again! I'm not escaping! I repeat; I'm not escaping!"

"Lower your weapon!"

"I don't have a weapon, you idiot!"

"He's turning aggressive! Tazor him!"

"Gyeeehaaaaaah!" The slight crackling of electricity was heard and the sound of a body collapsing followed. All the while, Amber had carried on as if she heard nothing. "I told him he needed an escort," she sing-songed.

"Ha ha ha ha! The clown got fried!" Katherine cried happily.

"Poor Puddin'," Harley whimpered.

"Burnt Puddin'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha h- ouch!"

Harley ignored the fact that her elbow had hit Katherine's head as she went to grab some paper. "Hey! Blondie! Don't hit my friend!" Katlyn yelled and pulled on one of Harley's pigtails.

"Ouch!" Harley yelped.

"Katlyn!" Amber snapped. Both Katlyn and Katelynn looked at Amber. Ugh! Why did she have to have two charges with the same name? Okay, how would she handle this?... "You," she pointed at Katlyn, "You're Katlyn 1; and you," she pointed at the other, "you're Katelynn 2. Got it?"

"How come she's number one?"

"Because I'm better!"

Amber rolled her eyes. "No! It's because she's been here longer and her name only has one 'N' and yours has two 'N's. Got it?" she explained with exasperation in her voice. She turned to see that Katherine had seemingly produced a spare t-shirt out of thin air and was putting the finishing touches on its design. She slipped it on and spun around to reveal her hand made 'Team Edward' shirt, surrounded by green question marks.

"What do you think?" Katherine asked proudly.

Katelynn 2 tilted her head to the side and blinked. "I'm thinking Twilight," she answered.

Katherine let out a terrified hiss and shrank back. "Why would you say such an evil thing?"

Katelynn 2 shrugged. "I like Twilight."

Katherine and Katlyn 1 clung to each other. "Shun her; shun her!" they cried.

"I like the Twilight series too," Tommy said just barely loud enough for all to hear. All heads turned in his direction and his face grew red.

Katherine opened and closed her mouth a few times before she finally spoke. "Nooo, Tommy! Nooo, not you!" she sputtered.

"Well, if we're gonna give our opinions; I like them also," Harley said.

Katherine scoffed. "Of course you would."

Suddenly the room was filled with voices of people condemning or defending the Twilight series. Amber went to the far corner of the room and silently banged her head against the wall.

…

The Joker hadn't gotten tazed. He had cleverly managed to grab a tazor gun and shoot it at one of the guards instead. He had finally shaken off the guards off his tail and heading towards his cell for a nice nap; might as well make the best of his punishment, but what he saw next made him stop cold. He looked at the walls of his cell and his brown eyes widened. "KATHERINE! KATLYN!" the Joker bellowed.

He stumbled out of the room and backed up against the wall beside his door. It was too horrible! Too wicked! Too evil!

….

Katherine and both Katlyn 1 and Katelynn 2 heard the Joker from the recreation room and sneaked out. Amber noticed and almost ran out after them, but remembered that she had a whole room full of charges to look after. Amber reported that she had three patients on the loose through her walkie-talkie and waited for them to be brought back.

…...

Katherine, Katlyn 1, and Katelynn 2 appeared and cocked their heads to the side at the sight of the Joker's terror stricken face. "You okay, Mr. Jay?" Katherine asked.

"What. Did. You. Do?" the Joker hissed, breathlessly.

"What are you talking about?" Katlyn 1 asked.

The Joker glared at her. "You know very well what I'm talking about, you little ankle biter!"

"I do not! It could very well be the other Katelynn!" Katlyn 1 insisted.

"That one loves me too much to do what has been done!"

Katelynn 2 had no idea what was going on. "What's been done?" she asked.

"My room! It wasn't like that when I left for breakfast this morning! What happened!"

Katherine, Katlyn 1, and Katelynn 2 peeked into the room. Katherine grinned when she saw the pink paint had dried beautifully on the Joker's walls. She and her minion had done well. Katherine wiped the grin off her face when she looked back at the Joker. "It appears that the walls have been painted pink," she stated simply.

"I know that!" the Joker snapped.

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Then why ask such an obvious question?" she scoffed.

The Joker's hand clamped around her throat and pulled her nearly nose to nose with him. "Listen, you little squirt; I know you and your loyal Munchkin of a Minion were involved behind this stunt! Now, you think this is funny? Hm? I'm not laughing! You better start talking fast or I'm gonna-! Why are you laughing?" he yelled, furiously.

Katherine had dissolved into a fit of laughter. She wiped a tear from her eye. "Did you know your nose twitches when you get angry?" She threw back her head and howled with laughter.

The Joker growled and suddenly yelped when a sharp pain flared up at his knee. He looked down to see Katlyn 1 frowning angrily at him. "Drop her!" she ordered.

The Joker smirked. "Very poor choice of words," he said and released Katherine. She dropped with a loud plop and groaned in pain.

"You jerk!" Katherine whined.

The Joker crouched down to be eye level with Katherine. "Brush it off, squirt; be glad I didn't do worse." He grinned and gave her cheek a pat before turning to walk away. "When I get back, that room better be pink free!" he yelled over his shoulder.

When he was gone, Katelynn 2 placed her hands on her hips and frowned at the two mischievous girls. "You heard him! Get started!" she ordered.

Katherine and Katlyn 1 looked at each other. "Get her?" Katlyn 1 asked.

"Sic 'em!" Katherine told her.

Katlyn 1 let out a battle cry and launched herself at Katelynn 2. "AH!" A cloud of dust surrounded them as the three wrestled each other.

"Hey; you three! You're supposed to be in the art room!" a guard, who had been sent to search for them, yelled. Three heads shot up and looked at him in surprise. Apparently, Nurse Amber had lost no time in alerting security about their absence.

The guard walked over to them and stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of the pink walls in the Joker's cell. He rubbed his eyes to see if they were playing tricks on him, but the color remained. The two responsible for the sabotage snickered mischievously. "I always suspected this!" Katherine said. "I mean, come on; the guy skips."

Katelynn 2 glared at Katherine and tackled her to the floor. "Don't you dare start spreading rumors that he's gay!"

The guard ran over and pulled them apart. "Alright, that's enough! That's enough! You three better start marching back to the art room or so help me, I will call Mr. Bolton down here to put a stop to this!" All three girls became dead silent and stared at him with pleading eyes. "Good; now march!" He led them back to the art room and saluted Amber before leaving.

"There's one good thing about us getting caught," Katherine whispered to Katlyn 1. "We didn't have to clean up the Joker's room."

"Where did he go anyway?"

Nurse Amber overheard their conversation and whirled around to face them. "The Joker wasn't in his cell?" she asked anxiously. All the girls shook their heads. "Where is he?"

"Don't know, don't care," Katherine answered.

"Crap." Amber switched on her walkie-talkie. "We have a Code Purple; repeat: Code Purple!"

…

The Joker snuck by a pair of guards who were patrolling the west hallway he was currently occupying. All he had to do was get to the employees' bathroom and crawl out the window and then… he'd think about it when he got to that point. He peeked through the small opening he made with the door and saw no one in the bathroom. The Joker slipped inside and tip-toed across the floor to the window.

Despite his height, the Joker couldn't reach the window without something to stand on, so he pushed the trash can over and flipped it upside down so he could stand on it. Once he stood on top and started to ease the window open, he heard the sound of a toilet flush. "Oh, that's just great," he thought.

The Joker tried to hurry, but the window was hard to open and slowly lifted with the pace of a sloth. "Come on, come on, come on," he whispered. It suddenly flew open, jerking his arms upwards. He grinned and started to wiggle his way through. At that moment, the stall door opened and Lyle Bolton stepped out. The Joker craned his neck to look over his shoulder and their eyes locked. For a brief moment, both of them froze, and then sprang back into action.

Bolton grabbed the Joker by his ankles and started pulling him back inside while the Joker had planted his hands on the outside window pane, struggling to push himself away from the head security guard. The Joker let out a sound of disgust. "You didn't even wash your hands! Let go of me!" Since Bolton had both hands around the Joker's ankles, he couldn't reach for his walkie-talkie to call for back up. "You'll never take me alive!" the Joker screamed.

"That can be arranged," Bolton grunted and jerked hard.

"Ouch! Let go; I bruise easily!"

"Shut up and get back in here!"

"You must be out of your mind!"

"Let go of the window, clown!"

"NEVER!"

Bolton was actually quite impressed that the Joker was able to last this long considering he was as skinny as a twig compared to Bolton. The Head of Security gave one last pull and the Joker flew back into the room; knocking Bolton down in the process. He clamped a hand around the Joker's thin arm and jerked him to his feet. "It's solitary confinement for you, bub!" he growled.

The Joker scoffed with indignation. "All I did was try to escape. I didn't kill anyone in the process this time."

"We'll take this up with your supervisor, Nurse Johnson."

"Oh, no! No!" the Joker cried with mock horror. "Not Nurse Amber!"

"Shut it! And that's Nurse Johnson, you ill-mannered sack of trash!" Bolton jerked on the Joker's arm, nearly pulling it out of socket, and dragged him out of the bathroom and down the hall.

…

"The Boss is back!" Tommy sang and flew across the room to the Joker. He was joined by Chelsea, Harley, and Katelynn 2. The three girls wrapped their arms around him and squeezed tight.

"I. Can't. Breathe!" he wheezed. They released him, reluctantly.

Harley glared at the Joker and slapped him. "How dare you try to escape without me… again!" she yelled.

The Joker gave her his most charming grin and slid up behind Harley. He placed his hands on her shoulders and began to massage them. "But Haaarley, I was gonna come back for you."

Harley beamed and threw herself into his arms. "Oh, Puddin'! How could I have ever doubted ya?"

Katherine gave a soft scoff. "Sap."

Amber rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger while sighing, heavily. "Does everyone have their cards finished?" she asked. Everyone but the Joker, Crane, Two-Face, and Tommy raised their hands. "Alright; those of you who are done can pile your cards on the table and wait for the orderlies to take you to the Music Room. I'll stay with the others until you're finished."

When the majority of the group was gone, Amber stood and watched the men as they worked. She noticed Two-Face Dent seemed to be having some difficulty. He glanced back and forth at the card and his coin. Amber walked over and smiled, gently. "Having some trouble, Mr. Dent?" she asked.

"I can't decide if I want the heart with laces on the front of the card or the fluffy kitty!" he shouted hopelessly.

"Well… who's the card for?"

Harvey shook his head. "I'm not telling."

"Well, how can I help you out if you won't tell me?"

"Just… don't! I have my coin."

Amber's temper got the best of her. "Your coin happens to be an inanimate object, devoid of thought, with no ability to make decisions for anyone; but if said coin had a life, it would be a man since it has the image of a man's head, and still incapable of helping you make this decision because men have no idea what a woman likes! So tell me who the freakin' card is for!"

Everyone was silent as they stared at Amber in surprise. Crane slowly leaned over to whisper at Dent. "If you value your life, I suggest you tell her."

Harvey hung his head low and mumbled incomprehensively. "Who?" Amber asked, straining her ears.

"Pamela…Isely."

"Who's that?" Tommy asked.

"Poison Ivy! Where have you been?" the Joker yelled at Tommy. Tommy hung his head low, making Amber feel sorry for him.

Crane scoffed. "I knew it; I knew it! I knew it all along! I knew it the moment you tried to explain that you tripped over your shoelaces after looking at her and fell flat on your face!" he cried.

"So? What's that got to do with anything?" Dent asked sulkily.

"Our shoes have no laces!"

Dent turned red in the face from embarrassment. "Oh," he muttered.

The Joker keeled over from his chair and fell on his back, laughing. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" he wrapped both arms around is stomach and kicked his legs in the air.

Amber rolled her eyes. "Okay, Joker; sit in your chair, now," she told him in an even tone.

"HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA HEE AH HA!" the Joker continued loudly.

"Joker… "

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA- !"

"Joker…"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA- !"

"Joker !"

"HA HA HA HA- !"Amber grabbed him by the ear and hauled the Joker to his chair. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" he yelped.

"Oh shut it; you're supposed to be a masochist!"

"I can choose when I want to be one!" the Joker retorted and plopped into his char.

"Finish your cards!"

"Okeydokey, Amber," the clown said with a sly grin.

Amber's face was a dead pan expression as she said, "If I had a paint bucket, it would be on your head by now."

The Joker snorted, licked his lips, and went back to work on his cards project. All he had to do was write some words, but what would he write? He touched the corner of his mouth with his tongue and glanced around. Crane's card was nearby and open. The Joker picked up a purple coloring pencil and pretended to be in deep thought while casting his eyes at the words. He soon began to copy them to his own card.

Crane placed his next finished card on top of the one the Joker was copying, and started working on another. The Joker blinked at the card that blocked his view and used the tip of his coloring pencil to slowly nudge it aside to uncover the words. Crane noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to look. The Joker froze with his hand still extended towards the card. Their eyes locked and both were silent.

"Are you… copying my Valentine card?" Crane asked, incredulously.

"I most certainly am not!" The Joker retorted with indignation. Crane snatched up the clown's card. "Hey! Give that back!" He reached out to grab it but Crane's long arms kept it out of his grasp.

Crane's blue eyes scanned over the words and a frown appeared on his face. "You are too copying me!"

"So what?" The Joker finally managed to grab the card back and huddled over it so Crane wouldn't be able to swipe it again.

"Copy cat!"

"Potato Head!"

Amber pushed her way in the middle. "That is enough!" She pointed at Crane. "Crane, stop calling the Joker names." She turned to the Joker. "Joker, stop copying Crane's card. And all of you, for goodness sakes, Finish. Your. Cards!"

All four men immediately ceased all mischief and began to work on their cards. Tommy leaned over to the Joker. "I think you'll do good on whatever you write, Boss," he whispered. The Joker rolled his eyes and pushed him off his chair.

"Joker!"

(I'll be posting a chapter on Valentine's Day, so be on the lookout for that! I'm constantly surprised at how many people are following this story. Feel free to make some suggestions and throw some ideas at me. Let me know what ya think about this chapter or the whole story in general and where you think it's going. Please leave a review! ;)